Not for the first time that night Zoë punched the bundle of clothes that served as her pillow into shape, then turned on her back, fidgeting with the blanket until it covered her again from neck to toes. Something pointy poked into her butt, making it impossible to fall asleep. With an aggravated sigh, she turned to the right... Where something else poked into her hip. So she turned to the left... and winced. There was a sore spot on her ribcage, a bruise from when she had walked into a protruding branch in the forest while woolgathering.

This clearly wasn't going to work.

"Gah!" she exclaimed and sat up. Too fast… a sharp pain shot into her injured eye, sending her head spinning out of control. She swallowed down a whimper and reached up to massage her tense neck.

It was so dark in the tent, she could see zilch. It was like she had been dumped into a hole, which didn't exactly help with the dizziness. Zoë sat there with her head in her hands, breathing in and out deeply and slowly, waiting for her head to stop pounding and the world she couldn't even see to stop spinning. But if she had to have a headache attack then please now, in the night, and not tomorrow when she had to sit on her horse again.

She felt fucking miserable.

Levi had not returned yet and she was pretty sure it was because of her. Why was physical intimacy with him so easy and everything else so hard? Grimacing ruefully, she recalled the strange look on his face when she had brought up that ridiculous sham marriage of theirs. She had expected him to rejoice. Nothing that had happened five years ago should be used to tie him down - or her for that matter. But he hadn't looked relieved at all. He looked hurt, rejected. She had already given herself to him, body, heart and soul - what more could he possibly want?

Her misery surged. She was going to be sick.

Zoë fumbled with the tent flaps and crawled outside. The night air was stifling and humid, the natural sounds of the forest dimmed by the ruckus in her ears. She flung herself into the bushes behind her tent and threw up the contents of her stomach until only bile remained.

Once the retching stopped, she let herself fall back onto the forest floor, with a head that still throbbed painfully. She wasn't fit to be the Commander like this, she better accept that now and not when it was too late. She'd have to appoint someone else, as soon as possible… Who else but Levi? He was the only one left, the only one who could take over. He didn't want to have command, she knew that, not least because he still didn't trust himself, courtesy of her father. So she'd have to convince him to do it, to appeal to his protective instincts. Easy. She could be very convincing if she wanted to be.

Not easy. Who am I trying to fool?

Levi was about the stubbornest human being she knew. He didn't give a fartling for rules, propriety, authority, or law, he did exactly and only what he wanted. An inner compass, an inner demon, keen instinct… Whatever it was that drove him, it served him well because in all the years she had known Levi, he had not once been indecisive.

And why do I not do whatever I want?

She felt she had to consider the consequences of her actions more than ever. She was the 14th, and thirteen before her had paved the way for her to stand where she now stood. She felt she had to follow in their footsteps, be just as great as them… or greater.

Who says so?

Who indeed. Would she be as free as Levi when she passed the burden of Command to him? Would he change as a consequence? That thought made her laugh. No. Not Levi. It would be horrifyingly exciting to watch him stomp over everything and give a proverbial fuck about it. She would watch him with pleasure… from the sidelines.

A lump formed in her throat at the thought. Zoë had joined the military as a teenager, she knew and had nothing else. Who would she be if she could no longer be at the frontlines of the Survey Corps? The crazy scientist in the basement?

"Commander, is that you?" Eren's voice drifted through the night.

"Eren," Zoë croaked, wiping her eyes and staggering upright. "Yes, it's me."

"Are you not feeling well?" Eren held up a lantern with glowing ore, the beam of light blinding her. "Sorry," he lowered it when she put a hand up to shield her eyes.

"Not particularly well, no," Zoë sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Are you on watch?"

"Yes," Eren nodded. "I came this way because I thought I heard something."

"That was me," Zoë sighed again. "Mind if I keep you company for a bit?"

"Not at all," Eren's face lit up. "I was sitting over there, behind the trees."

There was a small fire, which Eren fed carefully with thin sticks, and a bag with nuts that the kids had collected on their way here. Zoë sat down with a groan.

"Water?" Eren offered her a bottle.

Zoë took it gratefully and drank until the foul taste was gone from her mouth and her thirst was quenched. It made her feel marginally better.

"Are you ill?" Eren wanted to know.

Zoë shook her head. "No, but something is wrong with my ears," she said. "And with my damaged eye."

"Oh," Eren looked troubled, his gaze gliding over the left side of her face curiously. She wasn't wearing the eyepatch at night and Eren had never seen the scar tissue before.

Oh - had she missed her next doctor's appointment in Trost? Would Maria think to tell Dr. Grütter she had left town on unexpected business? She would have loved to quiz him on his knowledge of the Ackermans. Maybe next time.

"I'm seeing a special doctor," Zoë told Eren, "he sticks needles into me."

Eren nodded. "I've heard about that. Does it hurt?"

"Not at all. It's a technique from the Oriental Clan," Zoë took a nut and bit down on it to crack the shell. "I should go back for more, it did a load of good."

"My father read a lot about Oriental Clan techniques," Eren began, "he also used to send my Mother to collect certain herbs that grew in the area around Shiganshina and…"

He fell silent abruptly. Zoë threw him a sympathetic look. Painful memories? It had to be horrible to see your mother devoured by a Titan.

But Eren's face had grown hard, not sad. "There is no way out of this," he pressed out through clenched teeth, "whatever way I turn, there's only death and destruction."

"I get that it looks like this from your perspective," what else but death and destruction did these kids even know? "But we're in this together, we'll find a solution - together, for a better world."

His head snapped around. His eyes held the strangest of expressions, a mix of hatred, fear and hope. "Where is Captain Levi?" Eren asked.

Zoë lifted her eyebrows in surprise. "I… I don't know. Walking the perimeter?"

"He will mess everything up," Eren said darkly, clenching his fists.

"I doubt that," Zoë laughed. Levi never messed anything up even if his methods might not appeal to everyone. "Did you two have a fight about something? He seemed displeased with you."

Eren just stared at her, his eyes slowly losing their fanatic shine. "He's scary sometimes."

"I guess," Zoë shrugged.

Yes, Levi was scary in his intensity, she had to agree. Always all in. Body, heart and soul, and everything else. It was a privilege to know him, a privilege to share time with him. But be his, body and soul, for the rest of their lives? It frightened her. Marriage made her think of her parents, her mother's silent suffering, her brothers and their docile wives, one like the other in their miserable attempts to please their husbands, because without them, they had nothing. Which…

"That has nothing to do with me," Zoë said out loud. It was just an excuse because she was still scared. Scared of losing him. Scared of losing herself.

Eren looked bewildered. Naturally.

"Don't mind me," Zoë grimaced, pushing the sticks forward to feed the little fire.

"Do you want a family?" Eren asked her suddenly. "One of these days, when it's all over?"

The question took her by surprise. She blinked at Eren, wondering whether she had heard him correctly.

"It's possible," he added, looking up into the trees above them. "Everything is shifting again."

She decided she had not heard him correctly. No wonder with the noise in her head.

They both fell silent afterwards, Eren was brooding, his green eyes half-closed, and she didn't mind just sitting there, trying not to think of the decisions that lay ahead of them, the hardship and the sadness the future held. The world grew quiet around her when the turmoil in her head finally died down. But the turmoil in her chest did not.

###

In the morning, Levi still wasn't back.

Zoë was woken by the furious notes of a bird concerto that soon swelled in volume and diversity as the day grew brighter. Apparently, she had fallen asleep next to the fire. She vaguely remembered Armin taking over watch from Eren sometime in the night, draping a blanket over her, and now it was Jean who was cooking tea, whistling a tune under his breath.

"Good morning, Commander," Jean greeted her. "You were smiling in your sleep, did you have a nice dream?"

Zoë blinked as she righted her glasses and brushed leaves, moss and pine needles out of her hair. A nice dream?

"I don't remember," she had to admit.

Historia, Mikasa, Armin and Eren crawled out of their tents shortly after. Mikasa fussed over Eren who looked like he hadn't slept a wink and Armin looked at her fussing with what looked like concern for both of them. Nobody was in the least worried about Levi's absence. They all knew he hardly slept. His horse was gone too, Jean reported, as was the little mare who had joined them, indicating Levi had ridden out.

Where to?

"Did you see Levi last night?" she asked Annika when they all gathered at the edge of the forest before taking off. The others might not be worried, but Zoë was. Or maybe it was guilt gnawing at her?

"Yeah, he was in a bad mood as usual," Annika yawned. She looked far less radiant than usual, with dry, lumpy hair and dark circles underneath her eyes.

"I didn't see him," Treibel said stiffly. He was always a little nervous when Historia was near, like he didn't quite know how to treat a royal who didn't behave royally at all.

"Cause you were sulking somewhere away from our camp," Annika snapped at him. "And I didn't even do anything!"

"Right," Zoë decided on the spot, "we're switching teams. Annika rides with Rodolfo today, right flank. Nadine, you go with Treibel, rearguard."

"But I…"

"No discussion," Zoë mounted her horse, turning her back on Annika. "Jean, you join me up front until Levi rejoins us."

But Levi did not rejoin them.

At lunchtime, they reached the rolling hills that began northeast of Stohess and extended all the way to Nedlay. The clouds were breaking apart, showing patches of blue, with a pleasant breeze that smelled of grass, earth, and sweetness. After consulting the map, Zoë calculated that they would reach the Hange estates in less than two hours if they kept up their current tempo. Keep going or wait for Levi? The others still didn't show any signs of worrying.

"I just don't understand," Armin was saying to Historia, who sat crouched near the fire to watch the rabbit stew they were cooking, "why any king would think it useful to give so much land to so few families."

"I'm not the right one to ask," Historia shrugged. "You know I never knew any of the noble families. I had to learn the names before my Coronation."

"My Queen, it seems it was the families that supported him from the beginning that King Fritz rewarded," Treibel offered his knowledge. "It was a way of saying thank you - and a way of keeping them in line."

"But isn't it a risk," Armin continued to puzzle out loud, "to have so many people in on a secret like the one King Fritz tried to keep from us? There must be several hundred who knew about the outside world. Were all of them ready to just sit behind these walls like prisoners? For one hundred years?"

Treibel shrugged, looking over at Zoë for help. And how was she supposed to know this stuff? She had been preoccupied escaping her father's iron fist when young and had never even remotely guessed what a great secret he kept from her and the rest of the family.

"You're right, Armin," she nodded. "It seems like a very high risk. Maybe he had something else to assure their complacency and secrecy?"

"Oh, you think so?" Armin's blue eyes were flashing. "Some kind of trump card?"

"Yes," Zoë nodded. "Either a threat or a promise."

"Would your father know?" Historia asked. "I feel like such a sham, seriously. I have no clue about any of that Fritz-stuff."

"We can ask him," Zoë suggested. "Or better, you can order him to tell you. You are the Queen. He was always very devoted to the Crown - I think."

"Oh," Historia laughed nervously. "You are right, I'm the Queen. Switch on Queen mode!"

A queen that was used as bait again and again, Zoë thought, as the whole group neared the Hange estate's borders later. Historia was just too nice for her own good, letting herself be used like this.

"Halt! Who goes there?" They were hailed by a group of riders armed with modern rifles appearing from behind a small rock formation. Apparently, they had seen them coming. The foremost of the men was all too familiar to Zoë even though his face was green and purple like it had been smashed to pieces very recently.

"Zoë Hange, Commander of the Survey Corps," she introduced herself formally, letting her disapproval about the belligerent way they were greeted be obvious, "escorting Queen Historia to see Council Hange."

"Queen…" Basil's eyes were too swollen to grow large but his bruised face contracted with astonishment as his eyes swept over the petite blond. "It's our Queen, dismount," he ordered over his shoulders and all the men dismounted instantly, falling on their knees, bowing their heads in reverence.

Historia nodded regally but when the men remained kneeling with their heads bowed, she pulled a face. "Er… yes, thank you," she waved her hand. "You may rise."

"You should have sent word, my Queen," Basil mumbled once he was standing upright again, "we would have sent an escort."

"Oh, but these soldiers are escort enough," Historia said, "I trust them with my life."

"Please, follow us," Basil gave a signal to his men to mount, throwing Zoë a sour look in the process.

"Something the matter, Basil?" she asked sweetly. "I thought you'd be happy to see me."

He turned his head away, taking the lead without another word. Did he hold a grudge for what had happened in the library? Well, she held a grudge too - for the damage to her ears, for making things difficult for Levi, for all the times this man had manhandled her in her youth, for the way he had gagged and shackled her in the underground.

"Did I do alright?" Historia whispered with a smile.

"Yes," Zoë assured her just as quietly, "but we must be careful. As long as we do not understand who invaded the royal gardens at the ceremony and why, we cannot trust my father's loyalty to the crown too much."

And where the fuck is Levi?

"I get it," Historia nodded. "But Eren and Armin's threatening presence will help with that loyalty, don't you think?"

"I think so," Zoë agreed. "But my father has always been known as one of the shrewdest politicians at court. How else would he have survived the coup d'état like he has, with only a slap on the wrist?"

"You and I have a lot in common, Commander," Historia said, throwing her a look from the side.

Meddling fathers. Unhappy mothers. Yes, they had that in common. But Historia's parents were both dead whereas her parents were still alive - and she would face them all too soon. Zoë felt increasingly disconcerted as the landscape around her became more familiar. She remembered riding on these meadows as a small child, on a brown pony with white stockings. She remembered feeling free and happy, during a summer of boundless leisure. There was a bend in the road - she had fallen from a barouche here once when she had raced the horses and had broken her arm - and then, the estate lay before them in all its glory. The sight took her breath away. The sun shone on white gleaming walls and red rooftops. Had it always been this huge and shiny?

"Holy swine," Annika said to Treibel who rode next to her. "Does yours look like this too?"

"I'm the second son," he snapped.

"Oh no, and I was this close to letting you fuck me" she laughed merrily.

Basil looked back at them and frowned darkly. Annika waved to him, showing him her teeth.

"Yes, I remember you too, darling," she purred, spurring on her horse.

From the Underground? Zoë briefly wondered, but then they were on the gravel path that led through the main gate and raced up to the house. The doors were ripped open and spat out a flurry of grooms ready to take their horses and servants ready to welcome the guests.

"Sis?" she heard someone gasp from the door.

"Freddie, is that you?" Zoë grinned at the brown haired man who gaped at her like she was an apparition, feeling a rush of unexpected tenderness. He had been her favorite brother, only 18 months older than her and quite unruly - up to the point where he had been sent away to the "good school" in the capital, where all noble boys went. She had not seen much of him after that.

"What are you doing here?" Freddie still gaped. "Did Father call for you?"

"Not exactly," Zoë swung her leg over her horse's head and dismounted elegantly. "Put our horses away from the others," she told the groom who had made a grasp for the reins, eying her stallion's rolling eyes with apprehension. "They intimidate normal horses."

"Yes, S… sir," the groom frowned. "And they need a special diet."

"Oh, you know that?" she beamed at him but he was already leading her horse away gingerly.

She turned to Freddie who had come down the steps to look at her from all sides. "Unbelievable, look at you in that uniform. What happened to your eye?"

"Lost it," she said, "in Shiganshina."

"I heard it was a massacre," he pulled a sympathetic face. "Better losing an eye than your life, I guess? So glad you survived."

"Yes," Zoë sighed, looking around to see how the others fared. Her father's guards had lined up behind them, standing to attention. Eren and the others were huddled together, looking unsure and cowed. "Meet Queen Historia, Freddie."

"Oh shit," her brother said, turning very pale. "That scumbag lied to us."

That scumbag, Zoë found out shortly, turned out to be Levi.

Levi who sat in her parents' drawing room with a cup of tea before him, not a hair out of place, looking thoroughly at ease like he did nothing but visit noble estates all day long, a hairy, fluffy white something in his lap and…

"Grandma Clothilde?" Zoë gasped. The white haired, wrinkled and tiny old woman was patting Levi's hand like he was a long lost child of hers, blinking up at her with piercing blue, yet increasingly confused eyes.

"Pray, who are you?" The old woman asked, dignified.

"Zoë, Grandma. Don't you remember me? Your granddaughter."

"Granddaughter?" The old woman's face turned shocked, then angry. "I have no such thing. Isn't that right, Elior?"

"Uhm," Levi whom she had addressed, looked at Zoë, tilting his head to the side a little. "That must be right, I see no resemblance."

"Zoë," her father's cold voice pierced the air before she could start shouting at Levi - had he not guessed how fucking worried she'd been? "This is unexpected."

She turned around slowly to face her father as unmoved as possible. Council Hange stood in the door in all his elegant glory, stern and forbidding, taking in the scene before him with apparent puzzlement.

"My Queen," he pressed out, briefly dipping his head to Historia. "Have you come to arrest me?"