It took Fae a while to realize that the long black-haired boy she saw every so often was Severus Snape. His nose wasn't super big or hooked, his hair lay limp and straight, but actually kind of shiny, just under his shoulders. He kept his eyes down a lot. Fae didn't realize it was him until she saw him with Lily a few times.
He looked sad, or defensive usually. Shoulders hunched inward, arms clutched around books. But he smiled with Lily and he had a rather nice, if awkward, smile.
He was a major player of the future, but it wasn't until Fae happened upon James bullying him did she interact with him. And of course, it was the bullying, the one from the movie memories.
Severus was clearly a victim of abuse and poverty. He was prickly because the world hurt him, over and over. She'd seen him flinch when people looked straight at him or raised their voices. He kept his whole body covered even in hot weather to hide scars, like Remus did. And her brothers were bullying him.
Naturally, she tore them a new one.
Snape was floating in the air with Levicorpus, struggling and looking very scared. "Right, who wants to see me take off Snivelly's trousers?" her brother said, rather nastily.
"And who wants to see me commit fratricide," Fae yelled. She stalked across the grounds, whipping out her wand and pointing it at James. Expelliarmus had disarmed him in seconds followed quickly by a Molliare to cushion Severus' fall as James' broken concentration dropped him.
The students around them gasped and James whirled around to stare at her, complaints already on his tongue. "Fae! What the-" His words were cut off as an Incarcerous had vines descending from the tree, wrapping around him, and lifting him off the ground.
"Hey hey hey, whoa, Fae, what's going on?" Sirius said, trying to be charming and calm her down as he approached her.
"Shut up Sirius," she said, glaring up at him.
"Sit," she commanded, sending him flying to the trunk of the tree with a Depulso and wrapping him with more vines. Then she glanced at the other two Marauders. "You too, Remus, Peter. Everybody else, clear out!"
Nobody moved and she inhaled sharply and deeply. More vines whipped from the tree, enough to make the Whomping Willow jealous. "Did I fucking stutter?" she said quietly in the silence.
Suddenly everybody was gone, except the Marauders, Severus Snape, and Lily Evans. Lily went to help Severus up and before he could say something stupid, like Fae knew he would, she called out to them. "You alright Severus?"
"Fine. I don't need your help," he spat.
Fae shrugged, not even glancing at him. "Don't care. Lily, take him somewhere else if you please, I have some cans of whoopass to open."
"Will do," said the red-haired girl, shooting James a glare and then giving Fae a small smile. "Thank you, Fae."
Fae nodded her head at her, but kept her gaze on the four boys in front of her. "Feel free to mention it. People should know better than to piss me off by doing dumb shit."
Lily and Severus left while Sirius immediately started whining and trying to wriggle out of the vines. "Oh come on, Fae. What's the deal? We were just messing around. It was funny!"
"Oooohhhh. Okay, what was the joke?" she asked cheerfully.
"Sorry?"
A predatory smile revealed her teeth. "What was the joke? Why was it funny? I have been pretty irritated today, close to the moon and all, so maybe I just didn't get it and overreacted. Explain it to me?" she requested, looking between James and Sirius.
Peter and Remus wisely stayed quiet, gazes glued to the ground, sitting demurely and likely hoping to escape her wrath. There was some babbling and fumbling between her brothers. Fae just kept looking at them expectantly and like they were massive idiots. Eventually, they settled on, "It was Snivelus!"
Fae turned her gaze skyward and pinched the bridge of her nose. She took a deep breath and then stalked close to them. James was dropped to the ground and then bound to the trunk with Sirius while she towered over them. "You listen to me," she said, voice steely. "I don't fucking care who he was. You never attack someone out of nowhere like that, gang up on them, and humiliate them all for your own amusement. It's sick, pathetic, cruel, and a waste of your talent and creativity."
"But he said-"
"Never fucking mind what he said," Fae snapped. Then she turned to James and went for the throat. "No fucking wonder Lily can't stand you unless I'm coaching you and practically holding your hand through every interaction. I may as well date her, because there's no way she'd ever like an asshole like you."
"Fae…" he whimpered, voice cracked and expression absolutely gutted. It honestly was exhausting and frustrating to Fae, how James would constantly beg her for help, make some progress with her, and then do something stupid like this, ruin it, and have to start all over again with the red-haired girl.
"Yeowch, isn't that a little harsh?" Sirius said with far too much attempted lightness in his tone.
"If you don't shut up Sirius and quit it with the attitude, I'll show you harsh," Fae hissed, turning on the taller of her brothers. "There is nothing funny about being a shithead. I thought you of all people would be sympathetic to someone who comes from an abusive household."
Sirius shut up. And now he looked gutted too. Gutted, and very thoughtful. Clearly, he hadn't cared enough to see all the obvious signs, the parallels to his own life. Fucking drama queen doesn't see anything unless it's in a mirror sometimes.
There was complete silence in the clearing and Fae was seething, so many things on the tip of her tongue. Sure it had started out as being mad about their bullying, but now her pre-moon temper was just raging and she wanted to let loose. Even though her older brothers looked as if they were about to cry and as if she had hurt them very deeply. She'd never yelled at them before, not like this. Peter stopped her.
"Fae…. What they did was wrong," Peter said quietly, drawing her attention. He looked at her, then looked at his absolutely shredded best friends, and back at her with a small, sweet, kind smile. "But I think they get it and are very sorry now."
"I don't know, are they? They seemed pretty fucking pleased with themselves, and absolutely sure that it was okay to make someone feel that shitty," Fae said.
"Fae," Remus said. Her eyes focused on him and the look on his face was pleading and frightened. He was scared of her. She deflated completely and sighed.
She turned back to Sirius and James who were no longer looking her in the eye. Fae took a very deep breath. "Look."
She exhaled. "You guys are some of my most favorite people in the world and it really makes me sad and frustrated to see you act like this," Fae said softly. It was heartbreaking, actually. She did look up to them, their liveliness and joy and outgoing personalities, the way they could light up the world and bring fun to everybody around them. "It's one thing to play jokes for shits and giggles, it's another to do it at someone else's expense for the sake of being mean."
With a wave, the vines finally let them go and she flinched at the way they unclenched. Shit, Sirius and James were probably bruised to hell. They were slowly stretching and twisting, regaining feeling in their arms. At least, they weren't running or throwing hexes at her.
Coming closer, she kneeled before the two of them and grabbed their hands. "You're better than that, both of you. So lay off him. I get that you guys have beef with him, but James, Lily is never going to give you a chance unless you leave him alone," she said. "Those two are close, just like you and I, and that isn't going to change. So either you grow up and get over whatever you have with Severus, or kiss your chances with Lily goodbye."
James frowned deeply, but then wrapped their hands together and eventually nodded, offering her a small, wobbly smile. "Yeah, okay. I'd raise hell if anybody ever messed with you, so I guess I understand."
Fae beamed at him and then turned to Sirius, caressing his cheek and forcing him to face her. He was still pouting and trying to give her attitude and staunchly looking away. "And Sirius, if you're going to continue to fuck with him, at least don't be a jerk about it, okay? You know what he's going through and to have to deal with bullies on top of that, warranted or not?"
He refused to make eye contact with her until she huffed and head butted his chin. Then he snorted and nodded. "Fine," he spat.
"That's my darling brother," Fae said, running a hand through his soft waves. He finally smiled back a little.
Then she turned to Remus and Peter. "And as for you two - don't just stand there, letting these two make assholes of themselves, okay? I asked you to look after my idiot brothers. Especially you Remus, you're a Prefect so act like it. Incidentally, you're also a werewolf and likely much stronger than they are."
Peter and Remus stared sheepishly at her, Remus looking particularly guilty.
She rolled her eyes. "Do I make myself clear?"
The two boys nodded, finally exhaling and relaxing a tad.
"Yes Fae," all four said.
"Good. Now hugs," she announced, launching herself onto Sirius and James, pinning them to the ground, slathering kisses all over their cheeks, and beckoning with one hand for Remus and Peter to join.
Following the 'tree incident', rumors spread like wildfire about the way Fae had incapacitated her brothers in seconds, scared the hell out of everybody there, and made a regular tree act like it was possessed. Apparently, she'd cast a few of the Incarcerous wordlessly, but it was right before the moon where her magic, and temper, was strongest so she wasn't too surprised. Although, how fucking cool.
A tree nymph, the students said. She's always in the Forbidden Forest. James' parents found her wandering in the woods, didn't they? She's got to be a nymph, don't you think? Her hair and skin are so dark, like wood, and she's so wild.
Fae was pleased with that. It was funny, if not quite what she expected to be called when it came to questioning her humanity. Of course, she loved it even more when the whispers didn't dissipate and only grew stronger and shifted.
Everybody had complimented Remus on his flower crown. Many had thought James ridiculous for his flower cape, but it was still an impressive feat. And then Regulus caught the snitch, sending Slytherin into first place for the quidditch cup. So of course, Fae had to make him a flower crown too - dahlias for dignity and elegance. He absolutely preened and wore them with pride, his staying charms making them last for an entire week.
And then Romilly earned a crown of her own, along with the position as an assistant to Professor Kettleburn over the summer. She'd been gunning for it all term and had beat out at least three others, including her one-time date, Jenna Greene. Romilly's crown was made of alstroemeria, for fortune, devotion, and friendship. And because Romilly usually preferred to wear black, but pink flowers looked so pretty in her bright blonde curls.
Peter earned his near the end of May, having been scarce for weeks as the yearbook club went into deadline mode. She dearly missed that feeling and was extremely proud of Peter and all his hard work. He'd managed to write six articles this year and his photos were amazing. Fae got him to sign her yearbook and also made him make copies of all his photos for an album separate, so she could see every single one. For his efforts, he got a crown of freesias for sweetness and thoughtfulness. Lovely that he was, he kept the biggest flower for himself and deconstructed the rest to share with the entire club.
Suddenly, everybody was sharing their achievements with Fae, talking about scoring high on tests or perfecting a tricky spell or pulling a particularly creative prank. It finally occurred to the young witches and wizards of Hogwarts that her name was quite fitting and that the fae were cute, small things that liked flowers and trickery and impossible magic.
"FAE QUIT MAKING FLOWERS FOR PEOPLE, YOU ARE NOT HELPING," Regulus yelled, once again annoyed by all their intruders and visitors.
Fae giggled and waved off a sweet boy who'd offered her chocolate in return for a flower charmed with the courage to confess to a girl he liked.
"I've become an urban legend. What a time to be alive."
Oh yes, she was receiving gifts and quite a bit of attention again. It was a lot more fun than Valentine's Day though, when the gifts weren't from hopeful romantics, but rather those who thought they'd receive a blessed flower by giving "The Fae" an offering. Funnier too, when some of the offerings were to appease her wrath on days she was feeling particularly bitchy.
And really, Regulus was just pissy because people were calling him a vampire by association. Romilly took her title of half-giant a little more gracefully, but she clearly preferred it when people suspected her of being a dryad.
But then James asked her to train his quidditch team for a day after losing to Hufflepuff as a form of trauma bonding and the rumors surrounding her humanity went from 'is she or is she not' to 'which is she then?.
"She's a bloody demon," Fabian Prewett gasped, dripping sweat and dragging his feet to the end of the pitch, only to turn and begin crawling back to the other side.
"Fairy my arse, she's some sort of imp or goblin or something," his twin whined, following shortly behind.
"Gideon!" Fae called out cheerfully. "Drop and give me twenty push-ups for being a little bitch!"
The Prewett Brothers, legendary as they were, still called her Little Potter. They had, in fact, made up the name in the first place and had carried on the longest with it. Not anymore.
"Can we stop running?" Nora Kissinger, the Keeper, begged, looking at Fae and then looking at James with pleading eyes. James shrugged and turned to his little sister.
"Did I say you could stop?" Fae asked sweetly. This was so fun. She'd never gotten to train a team before and had been thrilled when James asked her to whip them into shape. Toughen them up a bit. She wasn't sure if James was punishing them from losing to her house, Hufflepuff, or if he genuinely wanted them to be more physically fit, or both. Didn't care, didn't matter, this was such an enjoyable and unique way to run down her energy and gauge her strength to supposed athletes. Oh what fun, like Christmas come early.
"Go on, James, show them how fast you can run," Fae told her brother, signaling for him to do his round of shuttle runs up and down the pitch.
"Delighted to," he said, taking off with a sparkle in his eye. These kinds of drills were every day occurrences for him and it made him look very good, very strong, and very fit to Lily, who was watching in the stands. A lot of people were watching, when they'd heard "The Fae" was in charge for the day.
"Jesus Sirius, I never knew you were such a weakling. No wonder you never run with us," Fae joked.
"My physique is perfect, why should I bother with getting all nasty and sweaty and tired," he groaned, collapsing after a measly few push-ups.
"You are literally on a sports team."
"Quidditch is different!"
So imp and goblin were added to the list alongside dryad and fae. But why stop there? Feeling energized with the warm weather, she took to studying in the courtyard with her cassette player and singing more loudly on tuesday music sessions or whenever she was in Gryffindor and she'd hum in classes. Eventually, 'siren' was thrown into the mix too.
And when Gryffindor played their next match, Fae got out a classic - a crop top, swishy skirt, pom pom and pigtails, red and gold cheerleading outfit. It was partly to cheer on the team she'd helped train. She did like an awful lot of them, and they better not embarrass her after all the trouble she went to. It was also partly an encore of her Valentine's Day performance and to see if she'd get any new rumors. And thirdly, it was fun.
"You're a hazard to society," Regulus said.
"That skirt is positively indecent. Have you no shame?" Romilly snickered.
"Absolutely none, which is why you both like me so much. Besides, don't I look cute like this?" Fae said, giving a twirl and then doing a backflip from one bench down to a lower bench. It was pretty fun, hopping around the stands and bringing back some cheesy cheers.
"Ra Ra! Fight Fight! Gee, I hope I look alright!"
It was even better than she'd hoped - come Monday, there were new rumors about her having veela blood. Just a little, but it definitely had to be there. She was a little disappointed not to hear 'valkyrie' or 'goddess', but only a little.
Unfortunately, Remus, stressed by the coming moon and nearly tearing his own hair out in preparation for O.W.L.s, did not appreciate her sense of humor.
"Fae, you need to quit it with provoking all these rumors. What if someone finds out?" he asked, looking far too close to a panic attack.
"What? That I'm the one thing that nobody has guessed?" she pointed out, crossing her arms.
Remus frowned at her and Fae really wanted to fix that, but she doubted a flower crown would make him very happy right now. Instead, she laced their fingers together and started dragging him to the kitchens. Food always made things better.
"There's been so many rumors and theories, I'm sure somebody has," he said, fingers tightening around hers and nearly stumbling as he tried to keep up. Clearly, this was bothering him much more than it should. Poor Remus, he'd been so wound up lately and he hadn't been exercising himself properly, trying to fit in extra studying time even though everyone knew he'd ace those exams blindfolded.
"Well that's even better," she pointed out cheerfully. "With all these theories, who is to say what's true and what isn't? I could be a werewolf or a pixie or a forest nymph or a fae or all four at this rate."
Remus' grip eased after that. "It's like hiding a needle in a haystack of your own making," he murmured, finally figuring it out.
They made it to the portrait and Fae tickled the pear. Inside, she settled him down by the fire and produced a mug of Earl Grey tea and a large, gooey slice of chocolate cake. She took a bite and then offered a bite to him. "Don't worry. Nobody has said anything about you, and most people seem pretty convinced I'm some sort of forest sprite or something similar," she said, grinning when he finally relaxed and took a bite. There was some chocolate on the corner of his mouth and she thumbed it off with a laugh, licking it off her finger and then fighting him for the next bite of cake.
"It's all good fun. Personally, I was hoping someone would suggest I was part dragon after I jumped the moving stairs yesterday."
"You WHAT."
Unfortunately, there was actually one person who was getting rather suspicious of her nature and taking the question seriously. James and Sirius had actually let up on harassing Severus, thankfully. Sirius still pulled the occasional trick, but on the whole, not much. That being said, Severus somehow only got nastier to them, becoming the provoker rather than the provoked. It probably had to do with the fact that Lily and James were getting on well enough these days that she'd offered her address so he could write to her over the summer. James had been leaping for joy at that, waltzing Fae around the courtyard.
Severus had been angry and had chosen Remus of all people to antagonize which just pissed off Sirius. Or maybe it was Sirius who was pissed off and surly that his best friend had given up picking on their rival just like that. And Sirius made Severus mad and Severus went after Remus who was obviously vulnerable in his harried, study-obsessed, pre-moon state.
Either way, Fae had missed most of what went down. All she knew is that on the day of the full moon, she and Remus had come from their pre-moon run in the woods - thank gods the full moon ended exam week and landed on a Saturday - and found Sirius and Severus holding each other at wand point. Sirius was accusing him of being a sneak and Severus was accusing Sirius of being an idiot and Fae wasn't having any of it because today was all about making Remus feel better and helping him unwind and release all the tension he'd built up in the past two weeks. So she cast a Jelly Legs jinx on one and a Dancing Jig hex on the other and continued on her way, skipping Remus down to Hagrid's for a picnic feast, just the two of them.
And maybe, Fae should've realized or recalled or figured it out or did literally anything different when she and Remus had ended up in Gryffindor and found Lily dying of stomach cramps. Feeling sympathetic, and also not wanting to risk her asking Remus to do that night's Prefect rounds instead, Fae had nudged James to offer to help her out. Two birds, one stone, she figured. Lily would be indebted to James and Remus would remain off the hook.
"But I'll miss the moon!"
"Don't worry about it, just join us when you're done. Or better yet, get some chocolate from my stash and spend the night letting Lily rant to you. She'll love you forever."
"You're the best, sis. Be safe tonight!"
"Exams are over - we're going balls to the wall tonight. You'll see it in the news tomorrow," she joked.
That joke became very not funny when a few hours into their transformation, Fae distinctly smelled human way, way, way too close to the Shrieking Shack. Good fucking God, he did not. Remus perked up and started sprinting into the shack, howling and snarling with Sirius right behind him.
Oh fuck. It was a damn good thing that Fae had consciousness at the moment. How could she forget? How could Sirius fucking do this when she'd specifically told him not to pull malicious tricks anymore? That boy was so fucking dead if they got out of this. Fuck! James had been the one to save him in the original timeline, but James wasn't here, so it looked like Fae was going to have to step up. It was her place as alpha anyways, she decided. Faster and stronger. She made it past Remus and stood guard outside the path to Hogwarts, snapping at him and growling to warn him back.
"Oh Merlin-" Severus stuttered, having made it to the opening, eyes wide as he saw what was inside. Remus howled and rushed forward. Fae reared up and pushed him back, careful of her claws. She slammed her shoulder into his and he fell back. Sirius pounced on him, pinning him as best he could while being half the size. While they struggled, Fae whipped around, caught Severus' robe in her teeth, and rolled, maneuvering him forcefully onto her back. She didn't let go until his arms were firmly around her neck. They were trying to choke her, but at least he was firmly hanging on.
Remus flung Sirius away and bounded at them again, this time with his fangs gaping. They were aiming for Severus' arm and Fae twisted, snarling when Remus' fangs sank into her upper arm. She shook him free, teeth tearing fur and skin. Rearing up on her hind legs, she hid Severus firmly behind her towering form. Remus clawed at her chest, catching her from the left shoulder down. Fae howled and fell, paws pushing Remus to the ground beneath her. Then she growled and gnashed her teeth at his throat in warning, standing tall and imposing her form over him. Even slightly, she was bigger than him. He growled back, but whined and whimpered, not standing all the way back up as he submitted. With one more warning snap of her jaws, she backed towards the nearest door. Abruptly, she turned and sprinted into the Forbidden Forest. Remus howled and followed, but was not nearly fast enough, not with the adrenaline running through Fae's veins.
Fuck humans smelled good and the knowledge made her human mind and her wolf instincts very confused. She let the pain and thrill drive her pounding legs, racing and surging through the trees. It was the most horrifying and most magnificent feeling she'd had all at once. At the edge of the wards within the Forbidden Forest, a quarter mile from Hagrid's hut, she stopped, heaving. The pain of Remus' attacks hit her hard then, going from thrilling sting to unbearable burning.
She shook her body until Severus fell to the ground. Immediately, she had her eyes directly on him and was backing away, belly low to the dirt. Severus was staring in horror, pale face shining like snow in the middle of the dark summer night. When he continued to keep gaping, she snarled and snapped her teeth at him, then nudged him forward, pushing him towards Hagrid's hut with her nose. Fae retreated quickly again, backing into the woods and watching as he finally turned and raced for Hagrid's.
When he was safe, she turned and sprinted back into the forest. Remus' howl echoed through the trees. He was calling for her, and she needed to go to him. Needed to calm him down and make sure he was okay. And in the morning, Sirius was so fucking dead.
She lost consciousness shortly after returning to Remus. The other werewolf was still whimpering and cowering before her, submitting to her power. Fae loped to him and nuzzled his snout, sniffing and snuffling his ears affectionately. He whined and returned the affection, rubbing up against her chin and cheeks. They collapsed on the floor and he licked at her wounds.
Fae passed out. She woke up briefly when the pain flared up as she transformed back and caught sight of Remus' stricken face.
Shit, looks like he remembered.
"It's okay. Everything's okay, I promise," she said, reaching out for him. She passed out again as he reached back.
And then she woke up alone in Madam Pomfrey's infirmary for the first time ever.
Her first instinct was to get up and go find Remus. He had to be close by, even if his scent was worryingly faint. Fae shot up and then hissed in pain. Her silk robe was wrapped around her, but she could feel the tug and restraint of the bandages on her chest. Peeking down between the folds, she saw strips of cloth wrapped all the way from her belly button up to her armpits and wrapping around her shoulder a few times. Her opposite bicep was wrapped tightly too. And upon further inspection, there were more bandages yet wrapped around her left leg, although she didn't remember getting hurt there. Her throat hurt from how hard Severus had wrapped himself around her and her vocal cords were strained from all the growling and howling she'd done. Everything hurt, but it was nothing compared to the cold worry she had sitting on her ribcage.
As she tried to get up, James burst in. He was talking a mile a minute, going through his usual fussy, worried, mother-hen rant. Fae just didn't have time for it.
"Where's Remus?" Her voice came out deep and scratchy.
"What?"
"James, where is he? Is he okay?" she asked him again, voice a little stronger with practice, although it hurt like a bitch.
Her brother gave her an incredulous look. "He nearly split you open last night and you're asking if he's okay?"
"Yes. I'm fine, these scratches are annoying, but nothing serious," she said, waving him off. "But Remus' worst fears nearly came true last night because Sirius decided to be an asshole!"
Fae was nearly panicking, hyperventilating as she told James what happened. Her mind was racing and she couldn't stand not knowing where Remus was. "Remus would have killed Severus and who knows what would've happened to him if he had. Please, James, find him," she begged. "He's probably freaking out right now and I need to let him know I'm okay, that Severus is okay, and that everything's going to be fine."
James stared at her for a long second and then patted her hand. "Okay, I'll find him. You just focus on resting and healing up."
And to be truthful, Fae would've left the second after James did, when the coast was clear. However, she caught the scent of someone else lurking nearby and decided that problem ought to be solved quickly too. The sooner she fixed it, the sooner things would be okay.
"Come on out, Severus," she called.
The somber black-haired teen appeared from a few beds over. She didn't smell any of his blood on him, thank Merlin, just her's. He must've been kept overnight for observation. He crept over to her hospital bed, wary and cautious.
She gave him a friendly smile, no teeth. "Hey there. How are you doing?" she asked gently, patting the sheets beside her for him to sit down. He didn't. But he did sit on the bed adjacent to her, only just out of her reach, and he did look her in the eyes, so that was a good start.
"You're the one lying in a hospital bed and you're asking how I am?" he said.
She grinned. A very good start. With a half-hearted shrug she said, "This is a monthly occurrence for me. The whole near-death experience by a dark creature is new for you, and probably rather traumatizing, I imagine?"
He didn't answer that and just gave her an intensely deadpan stare. Well, she could work with that.
She dropped the smile and steepled her fingers across her lap. "Right. Look, you seem the straightforward type so I'm gonna cut the shit and get right to it," she said, clearing her throat before launching into her rather lengthy apology. "I'm sorry that you were put into danger like that. I'll take responsibility for both Sirius and Remus. I warned Sirius not to play any harmful or malicious pranks on you. As for Remus, he can't control his transformation as is common for most werewolves. His mind wasn't there and there wasn't anything he could do, but know that he would never hurt anybody if he could help it."
Severus frowned. "Most werewolves? Implying you can control transformations?"
Ah, right. Yes, he was a nerd. He liked knowledge and was curious that she'd done something considered impossible as per textbooks. It was another good sign for him to be curious about her abilities. The more focus on her, the less on Remus.
"In a sense. I've been working on it since I was turned and I have managed to gain awareness during the transformation. I'm awake, in a manner of speaking, and can control my body during transformation, but only for a few hours so far. We were very lucky that you happened upon us while my mind was there," she explained.
"I see."
Panic started to take her again. He had one hell of a poker face and she couldn't get a good enough read of his emotions based on his smell either. The Slytherin was dead calm which was either very good or very bad. He hadn't ratted on the Marauders in the original timeline, but there was no telling how she'd changed things. That, and he wasn't exactly kind or forgiving of Remus even twenty years into their future. She could not take a risk.
"Please don't say anything. What happened was fucked up and completely unforgivable and you have every right to expose us, but I'm begging you. Don't out Remus. If you want revenge, then reveal me. Blame me. Tell people whatever you want about me, just leave Remus out of it. I'll do anything. Remus works so hard to live a normal life and make a future for himself. Don't ruin it because Sirius fucked up," she said in a rush, voice cracking a little from her injuries.
"But it's okay if your future is destroyed for endangering human life? For being revealed as a dark being?" he asked, frown deepening. Fae quite nearly laughed in relief. His posture and tone and scent had finally changed and clued her in. He was marveled, surprised, disbelieving. It didn't seem like he was going to go after her.
Even better, the smell of books, fresh laundry, and rather spicy vanilla filled her senses. Remus was close - James had found him. His scent was tinged with anxiety and unhappiness which was unsurprising, but she'd fix that soon enough.
Fae smiled at Severus. "I can handle it. Like I said, I'll take responsibility."
The older boy thought for a minute and then nodded. "You saved my life. I won't say anything, about you or about Remus."
"Thank you." She did exhale a light laugh there, so relieved. And then beamed at him, uncaring of showing her teeth because he, amazingly, did not seem scared of her.
She reached for him, having to lean a little far between the beds to get his hand, which, ouch, strained her ribs. But he let her slowly and gently grab his hand. "Really, thank you. If you need anything, just tell me. Or if either of my idiot brothers even glance at you funny, I'll beat them black and blue. I am in your debt." And she fully meant it too.
Severus retrieved his hand and hid it in his sleeves while looking away with what Fae would call a bashful expression if it were anyone but Severus Snape. "That is… unnecessary," he said awkwardly.
Fae laughed delightedly.
Severus continued. "Besides, nobody would believe me anyways. Most people are convinced you're a descendant or reincarnation of Titania."
"Titania? No shit?"
He shrugged. "Well, Lily said that, but I think she was joking. You're more like Puck."
That made her laugh even harder. "You know, I think we might make decent friends." Which wouldn't be a bad idea. He was important in the future after all and it'd be super great if he could not betray her brother and his family to the Dark Lord.
"No thank you," he said flatly.
"Pft - too late now. Fae folk don't forget debts," she teased, giving him a wink. He finally gave her one of his awkward, small smiles and Fae felt rather accomplished. It was the beginning of something interesting for sure.
And then she turned cold again, because surely she hadn't heard that right. Remus, James, and Peter were outside the infirmary, likely waiting until Severus left before coming in. But they were arguing and Fae really didn't like what she was hearing. Remus' voice got louder, meaner, inescapably clear through even the thick wooden door across the room.
"She's a fucking monster and she revels in it! She's just like Greyback, but worse because she's naive and she's going to get us killed!"
The world stopped. Froze like ice. And then abruptly started again. Fae turned to Severus and gave him her best smile.
"Right. Good talk Severus. I gotta…. I gotta go," she said, sliding out of bed, opening the nearest window, and dropping three stories to the ground. She hit the earth running.
James and Peter found him sitting on the docks by Black Lake, contemplating diving in and never resurfacing. They dragged him to the infirmary and even though every bone in his body refused to go, he was just too weak to stop them. He couldn't hear a word they were saying over his own thoughts repeating 'I could've killed her I could've killed her I could've killed her'.
And then he was suddenly filled with rage when he heard Fae talking to Snape, covered in bandages and so small in a hospital bed without him. This was all his fault. Fucking Snivellus couldn't leave well enough alone! And SIRIUS. Just didn't know when to fucking quit! It was all their fault. There were so many bandages on her.
He'd never felt rage like this right after a moon before. Leading up to the moon, easily. But after? This feeling. It was like he could tear down the Astronomy Tower, rip apart the Grand Hall, wreck every classroom, burn the quidditch pitch, and salt the earth behind him.
Fae's voice cut through it all, clear as glass.
"Please don't say anything. What happened was fucked up and completely unforgivable and you have every right to expose us, but I'm begging you. Don't out Remus. If you want revenge, then reveal me. Blame me. Tell people whatever you want about me, just leave Remus out of it. I'll do anything. Remus works so hard to live a normal life and make a future for himself. Don't ruin it because Sirius fucked up."
Remus had never heard her so panicked before. Her voice was so weak and scratchy.
"But it's okay if your future is destroyed for endangering human life? For being revealed as a dark being?"
"I can handle it."
And suddenly Remus was filled with rage for entirely different reasons. The world shifted back into focus and he was hypersensitive to everything around him, including James' annoyingly perky voice. His big, clumsy hands as he patted Remus on the shoulder.
"Oh, what a relief. See, Remus? No harm done."
"Oh yeah, just great, only now your sister is indebted to Snape and he could blackmail either of us at any time!" Remus spat, whirling towards James and slapping his hand away.
The quidditch player looked startled and held up his hands cautiously. 'Woah, calm down mate. If Fae trusts him, then there's nothing to worry about."
"Yeah!" Peter said. "And besides, it's like he said. Nobody would believe him."
"Fae! Ha! None of this wouldn't have happened if it weren't for her." Merlin, he was so sick of her name and the way she paraded it like a title, the way everybody said it like it was holy, the sheer frequency it echoed through Hogwarts day after day.
"Sorry, what? You say that like it's her fault," James questioned, voice dropping dangerously.
The taller boy snarled. "Of course it's her fault - it's no wonder that Snape figured it out. Half the school probably knows!" Stupid, reckless Fae! A nymph! A goblin! A flipping veela! She wasn't happy unless the whole school was talking about her. Always so goddamn flashy.
"What is the matter with you?" Peter asked. Oh, of course! Peter never stands up for anything, but of course he grows a backbone because Fae! Always because Fae!
"What's the matter with me? What's the matter with her! She just goes off into the Forbidden Forest or runs through the bleeding halls or lifts people bigger than her all the time!" Remus yelled. His chest was heaving, lungs burning, venom practically dripping from his teeth. "She doesn't even try to be normal, so stupid and reckless and always showing off! It's like she doesn't even care if people find out about her, or me!"
"Of course she does, how can you say that?" James yelled back.
"Fae is worse than you and Sirius were last year combined and all her ideas about controlling her abilities are crazy!" Remus argued. She was crazy! Why would anyone want to behave like a monster? Be good at being a monster? Why did she have to go so far? "She's a fucking monster and she revels in it! She's just like Greyback, but worse because she's naive and she's going to get us killed!"
"You take that back right now! You have no idea about Fae! You think she's never been scared of herself? You think she's not in pain every damn time, just like you? Get over yourself! Of course she's terrified of people finding out, but she's willing to do that to keep you safe, don't you get it? She'll do anything to make sure you're okay! She woke up injured and alone for the first time ever after a moon and her first question was to ask where you were and if you were okay! You ungrateful arsehole!"
James was completely red in the face and would probably have started swinging if Peter didn't latch on and hold him back. "Woah, James!" he cried. Then turned a rather fierce gaze onto Remus. "He didn't mean that, did you Remus? You're just overreacting because you nearly killed someone and because you hurt Fae," Peter said coldly.
"I-" Remus swallowed a thousand nails.
But no, little Peter Pettigrew was on a roll. "You're mad at Sirius for betraying you both and mad at Snape for sticking his nose in our business and most of all, you're mad at yourself. For not being able to control your transformation like Fae can and for having to depend on her to save you both. You can't stand how weak you feel and you're taking it out on Fae because she's made it appear as if she's strong enough to handle anything."
All of Remus' rage dissipated. It was like the fuse of a firework, burning, burning, burning down, only for the big show to be a dud.
The door swinging open was loud in the silence. Then the silence was filled by Snape's boresome drawl. "He's right. You're a fool Remus Lupin. And now she knows it too."
"Fae?!" James called frantically, racing into the infirmary. Her bed was empty. The window beside it was shattered.
James flew across the room and tackled Remus to the floor, screaming in his face that this was his fault, that Fae loved him and would do anything for him and he betrayed her, that he was the worst person in the world.
I know. I know. I know.
That was all Remus could say as James shook him and then reared his arm back to punch him. She loves you. Remus was waiting for it, but it never came. Instead, James let him go. "She loves you," he said. Stood up. Yanked Remus to his feet, fisted a hand in his collar, and pulled their faces close.
"You better fix this."
And then Remus was gone, heading right for the forest.
The silence in the hall outside the infirmary was deafening as the three fifth years watched Remus leave. Then James turned awkwardly to Snivellus. Snape. The guy who was decidedly not ratting out two of his most important people, despite having been nearly killed by them the previous night.
"Snape," he said.
"Potter. Pettigrew," he said back.
It tasted like vinegar, but it needed to be said. "Thank you."
Snape grimaced as if he too tasted vinegar, as if it were on James' breath when he said it. More silence.
And then Peter, with a Fae-like grin, said, "So... what was it like to ride a werewolf?"
Remus spent the whole day in the Forbidden Forest, screaming himself hoarse, running until his legs felt like bloody stumps, willing to crawl as what little post-moon energy he had was spent. The thing was, if Fae didn't want to be found, then she couldn't be found. Especially not in her territory. Like hell was he going to let that stop him from trying though. He couldn't afford to be weak right now. He needed to find her much, much more than his body needed rest, than his throat needed water, than his lungs needed oxygen even. It was an instinct stronger than anything he'd ever encountered, lycanthropy or otherwise.
Of course, he didn't find her. He found centaurs. He was nearly killed by centaurs. And then she found him.
"It's okay Melos. He's one of mine. I'll make sure he doesn't stray here again."
"You best," said one of the centaurs, Melos, as he turned and left, the other centaurs lowering their bows and arrows and following him. The clearing emptied and Remus struggled to find Fae. Sure, now he could see the benefit of enhanced smell. Merlin, he should've listened to her. Trusted her.
"You're way out of the safe zones, Remus. You know better than that. Go back," she commanded, finally revealing herself. His body arched and fell towards her, twisting around to see her where she'd been standing behind him, hidden in the trees.
She was barefoot, toes dirty and hints of blood splattered on her muddy skin. The only thing she was wearing was her silk robe, torn and mussed up. The summer heat must've gotten to her because she'd slipped the sleeve completely off on one side, letting it hang from the sash. The half of her upper body and the arm that were revealed were covered in bandages, stained by growing splashes of blood. She'd pulled her injuries. And - gotten new ones. There were small slashes on her arms and legs, the kind he knew she got when she was particularly eager to run and uncaring of the branches sticking out in her way. Leaves stuck out of her wildly spilling dark brown hair. Her eyes were blank and distant and marred by deep bruises of exhaustion beneath them. But she stood tall, chin raised high, shoulders squared, dark skin long and glistening with sweat.
She'd never looked more otherworldly. Remus looked in her eyes and realized she'd never looked more human either. She gazed back at him cooly, as if he were a stranger. And she turned to leave.
"Please! Fae, wait! I can explain!" he cried, tripping over himself to follow her.
She didn't stop, but she didn't run either, just gliding purposefully through the grass. "You know when someone says they can explain, they really mean 'I can change how you perceive what I said' and not 'I take back the awful things I said'. I don't really want to hear either. Leave me alone," she said. Scratchy and strained as her voice still was, it was undeniably stronger than iron, so different than the pleading she'd used with Snape. On his behalf.
Remus begged, running and reaching after her uselessly. She stayed just out of his grasp. "No, please! I do take it back! I didn't mean it, any of it! If you had just stayed to-"
"To hear you call me more shitty things?" she hissed, whirling on him, sheer power of presence, or maybe accidental magic, literally forcing him backwards onto the ground.
"No!"
She gazed down at him, so strong, and so, so, so very sad. "I thought you understood me," she said.
"I do! "
"Clearly you don't!" She snarled, teeth barred. "Fuck you, Remus! You don't understand a goddamn thing about me! You think I'm a showoff? A monster like Greyback? That I don't care?"
It was horrifying, hearing what he'd said. He'd actually said those things. She'd heard him actually say those things about her. He was desperate to prove her wrong, to tell her how he really felt. All of it had been such a mistake and it was killing him. He'd rather fail all of his O.W.L.s. He'd rather have killed Snape and been locked away forever for it. He'd rather anything, but seeing Fae so hurt, so angry with him. Snape was right, he'd been such a fool. "I was wrong! I didn't-"
"DAMN RIGHT you were wrong!" she bellowed. Every bird, critter, and small to medium-sized creature fled the area.
"You just don't get it," she said, laughing. "I know how the world sees me! I know exactly how the world sees werewolves! I've read everything out there, heard every whisper, seen every suspicious or wary glance!"
Then she took a deep, powerful breath and glared at him, brown eyes nearly black with fury. "But I won't ever let that affect how I see myself. I'm a werewolf and I am proud to be one," she declared.
"I'm proud of my power and my speed and the loudness of my voice and the strength in me! I won't feel bad about any of it, about the things I can do. I won't give anybody the chance to try and make me feel less than I am when I have worked so damn hard to make myself strong and worthy and worthwhile," she howled. And then everything about her was just sad and quiet. "Not even you."
"Fae, I never meant to make you feel that way.." he said, voice and chest cracking.
"You did," she spat. "You meant to hurt me."
"I meant to hurt me," Remus screamed. "I didn't mean those things. I only said them because I was scared and upset and mad at myself for hurting you! I could've killed you!"
"What? These little scratches? These fucking papercuts?!" Her ringing laughter could cut down entire trees. "They are nothing compared to how much it hurt when I heard you say those fucked up things. I'm not a monster. I'm not crazy. I'm just….." What started as a fierce declaration faded into a slow, quiet murmur.
"I just try to be me," she said, turning away from him. There was a moment where it felt as if the entire world froze as her rage subsided.
"But now I can't help thinking that maybe you were right! Maybe it was all my fault, fucking around so often. I mean, what kind of idiot goes around inviting people to guess that she's not human when she's not even actually human? When she's a monster?" Her voice took on a hysterical edge as she yelled at a tree, swiped at it and sent inhuman gouges through it out of frustration. She then pressed her palm, forehead, body to the marks as if to try and heal it.
"Fae…" he whispered. Merlin, what had he done? She didn't turn to look at him. So he crawled to her, kneeled before her, reached out for her arm. She let him touch her.
"You are the most amazing, wonderful, extraordinary person I know," he said. "You are funny and brave and inspiring and loving. There is no one like you in the world. You make everything brighter and better."
She let him turn her around. Let him take both of her bleeding hands in his. Kiss them. Hold them to his racing heart. Her eyes were hidden behind her bangs.
"And you absolutely terrify me," he told her.
Remus took a deep breath.
"I called you a showoff and said you didn't care, but I know that's a lie. I know you care what people think, but you care more about how you feel about yourself. You care more about being true to yourself and being happy and it makes me so jealous sometimes, how you can just be so free. I can't do that. I can't. I'm too scared of what the world would say or do to me if they knew who I really was. And I'm so scared of people seeing me that I hide," he said. "It's not fair for me to ask you to hide too."
She stared at him in shock. "You think I'm not scared? Remus, I'm terrified. Nothing scares me more than other people."
"I know! I know. That's why you act as strong as you do. It's why you push yourself so hard. You push yourself to be strong so people will see you as strong, so they won't come after you. You push yourself so hard, all the time, so you'll believe it too. Because if you think you're strong then nobody can hurt you. And I admire you for that, so much."
It was one of the most amazing things about Fae, to him. He did understand her. She did understand him. She understood the pain, the fear, the fear of the pain, the pain of all the fear, the whole ugly mess. The anxiety and stress of it all would kill her if she didn't fight it. Remus pretended it wasn't real as long as people thought he was normal, as long as he could make himself believe he was normal. Fae pretended it couldn't get to her as long as she was strong, as long as other people thought she was strong. But Remus wasn't normal and Fae wasn't invincible.
"I was really, really scared Fae. When I woke up and saw you bleeding on the floor and I could smell Snape. I thought I-" he couldn't keep talking, words lodging in his throat and tears welling up at the thought of his absolute worst fear becoming reality.
Fae's eyes became shiny with wetness too. She cupped his face, caressed his hair, thumbed away the sorrow, smiled wobbly. "I know, darling. I know. But I promised you, didn't I? I would never let you hurt anyone."
"But you shouldn't have to be strong for me too! You shouldn't have to protect me and get hurt for me and be strong for me!"
And that was really the heart of it. They both hated feeling ashamed. Scared. Helpless. Weak. Fae did something about it and Remus hated her for it. Loved her for it.
She hugged him close, falling to her knees with him and cradling his head to her bandaged shoulders. "But I want to," she said, laughing. "I want to be your strength, because Remus, you are mine. I am strong for you and because of you. Because you believe I am. And I know, you are too."
Remus cried in earnest at that. "I'm really not," he said, laughing through his tears. "You should've been the Gryffindor and I, the Hufflepuff. Or a Ravenclaw. All I do is hide behind books."
Fae pushed him back, wiped his tears, sighed, smiled sweetly. "One day, you'll see yourself the way that I see you. You are beautiful. Miraculous. So much more than you think."
She thought he was beautiful and in that moment, he felt beautiful, despite all the ugliness he'd shown that day. Of course, he still wanted to argue with her. But he'd had enough turmoil for the day.
"I'm so sorry, Fae. Forgive me?"
"Of course." No hesitation, as if it weren't even a question.
He pulled her close, enfolding her in against his chest and feeling warmth for the first time in what felt like days. She chuckled and held him back, neither caring about how sore and achy their post-moon bones were. "Thank you. For everything."
Then, arms shifting under her thighs, he lifted her. He cradled her against his body, her thighs and knees held securely against his ribs, her wrists draped loosely around his neck, messy hair spilling around his face like a curtain, and stood. As if his legs could run a thousand miles, as if his arms could move mountains, as if his lungs had all the air in the world. It wouldn't do for her feet to get more hurt, silly girl running in the forest without shoes. "Now let's go home."
She grinned, Fae-like.
A/N: I mean. Fae is very flashy and oblivious. The amount of fucks she has is equal to the amount of pandas I own, sadly.
Happy Friday everyone!
Hope you all have a lovely Halloween and get mistaken for several mythical, badass creatures.