It was worse than when Remus started dating and Fae realized she had feelings for him in the first place. Of course it was worse. They spent a completely mind blowing, romantic summer together topped off with the most brilliant night of her life, only for him to completely take it all back the next day and let the girl Fae hated flaunt him in front of her as they went separate ways for the next few months. She was back to being a zombie again, but this time, she was an aggressive zombie of the 'I don't give a fuck' variety, just swinging wildly between depression and apathy.

She'd either be catatonic, silent, on the verge of crying, dying to lay down and sleep, and unable to deal with anything. Or she'd be silent, pissed off, and unwilling to deal with anything. Regulus and Romilly were the best people in the world. They were also the only ones that she made sure not to snap at or push away, although it wasn't hard. They knew her and her moods. They knew not to push her. Regulus knew when to offer to do her homework and when to just let Fae say 'fuck it' and turn in blank sheets. When Fae laid across Romilly's lap, Romilly knew exactly when it was okay to pet her hair and braid and when not to touch, because it reminded her too much of Remus.

They knew when to give her snacks and when to save food for later, because right now she just wasn't hungry and the idea of food was nauseating. They knew when it was okay to bicker and fill the silence and attempt to make her laugh and they knew when to fuck off and let Fae shut every sound in the world out.

Regulus and Romilly were only human, so it was no surprise that they fucked up sometimes and left Fae crying or irritated or both. But she wasn't so far gone as to push them away and completely isolate herself, even if she really, really, really wanted to. Even if she'd pushed everybody else away.

Fae didn't sit at any table other than Hufflepuff, when she showed up for meals. She didn't visit Gryffindor tower or say hi to the players when she ran laps around the pitch. She didn't laugh when the Klein Brothers set Slughorn's robes on fire and off again when he caught it, keeping it up all during class and looking to her hopefully. She didn't go to the library and so she didn't see Marjorie or Gilbert ever. Marley had graduated and Ellorie had taken the new girl and moved them into a different room so Fae and Romilly, and basically Regulus, had their entire room to themselves. Nobody dared touch her armchair, her bookshelf, or even her cassette player in the common room, which hadn't played music once since the year started.

She didn't write back to James, Sirius, Lily, Peter, Euphemia, Fleamont, Lucrecia, Moody, or even her penpals who needed Athena. No letters arrived from Remus and Fae had thrown their shared notebook in the fire.

Fae was in bad shape, but she wasn't in so bad of shape that she'd push away her best friends. Or maybe she was, and they just didn't let her push them away. Either way, it came in handy two weeks into the term when they reminded her that the full moon was coming up and she was barely bothering with classes as it was, so she may as well skip Thursday and Friday and spend it running, they'd cover for her.

Fae agreed. Then paused. Then showed the most emotion that she'd displayed in weeks and whipped her head to gape at them. "You guys know?"

"About?" Regulus drawled, eyebrow arched expectantly.

"Really? I have to say it?"

"Yeah, I think we deserve to hear it from you," Romilly said smugly.

Fae huffed and threw up her hands. "Fine. Yeah. I'm a werewolf. Have been since I was 14. How long have you guys known?"

"Mmm.. Fifth year?" Regulus hummed.

"Speak for yourself," Romilly bragged. "I knew end of fourth year."

And uh, wow. That was a long time. Almost the entire time she had known them. But then again, Romilly's life goal was to know everything about magical creatures and Regulus was sharper than even Sirius or Peter were.

"Well, aren't you special," Regulus drawled, side-eying Romilly.

"More special than you."

"Yeah, sure, special edu-"

"Guys," Fae said before they could start bickering. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

Romilly and Regulus shared a look before the former answered, "We wanted you to trust us enough to tell us."

"That, and you were never that subtle around us. Like ever," Regulus added, snickering.

Fae gave them a sheepish smile. Well shit, Remus was probably right after all. But on the upside, nobody had ever come after them with pitchforks? And her best friends were seriously, seriously awesome.

"I wanted to tell you guys. I've trusted you since way back when, but I couldn't tell you because…"

"Because it wasn't just your secret to tell," Regulus said, rolling his eyes. "We know."

"Of course, for one reason or another, it doesn't matter anymore, does it?"

Ouch. Well, they weren't wrong. "No, I guess not," Fae said, voice dull.

Her two tall friends shared another look and then squared up. "So what do you need?"

"Say that again?"

"The Marauders took care of you before and after the full moons. And the other one. They aren't here anymore, so clearly Romilly and I need to step up. What do you need?"

Fae blinked at them and frowned. "I don't need anything. I don't need anyone. I can handle my lycanthropy better than any werewolf you'll ever meet," she snapped on instinct.

Regulus and Romilly waited patiently and it occurred to Fae that they weren't insinuating Fae actually needed anything. They were offering. They were offering to help a werewolf, because they gave a shit about her. So she amended her statement. "But, I'd love it if you guys ate with me before and walked with me to the shack. I want to show it to you. You can't be anywhere near the shack or ten kilometers northeast of it in the forest at night. In fact, just don't leave the castle if you can help it. And… and be there when I wake up in the morning?"

"Of course."

"We'll be there."

"It probably won't be pretty, so.." Fae trailed off. And boy, was that an understatement, now that she got to thinking about it. She hadn't thought about the moon at all in the past few weeks, but this one was… Without Remus. Without Remus and hurt by Remus and sucky.

Regulus laughed. "Very little about the things you do are pretty, Fae."

"But we like that about you," Romilly cooed, tugging on a fucked up strand of Fae's hair and making her laugh.

Then Regulus grinned, Fae-like. "And besides, you're not the only one with secrets."

Regulus, the liar, had not been studying Alchemy at Durmstrang that summer. He'd been studying healing. Regulus had spent the summer learning and practicing to heal Fae, because he knew she'd be on her own for full moons in their final year. Because Romilly and Regulus had spent their months at summer camp learning everything they could about werewolves and planning to take their rightful places at Fae's side.

Fae felt unbelievably loved. For a moment, it was enough to make her happy. And then she was standing in the Shrieking Shack alone, knowing without a doubt that Remus wasn't coming even if he had promised to. It didn't matter. She had Regulus and Romilly. But now, she was completely alone. It was a damn good thing Regulus learned to heal and Romilly learned that a mix of Chamomile, Wolfsbane, and Valerian brewed into a drink would help ease the residual pain after the morning transformation, allowing her to be a little less sleepy and dazed and a little more aware. She even made it into a quick, shot glass form, rather than the conventional tea so Fae wouldn't have to suffer more than a sip.

She screamed through her transformation, the most painful one she could remember having. She howled until her vocal chords couldn't handle it anymore. She sprinted into the forest, uncaring of the safe zones or the creatures or the poisonous, violent trees.

Fae woke up on the forest floor instead of in the Shrieking Shack which was very, very bad. But she didn't care. Her awareness last night had dropped from 4 hours to 2 hours. She didn't care. She was bleeding from seven distinct slashes along her body, of which at least three were self-inflicted. Didn't give a fuck about that either. The growling that was coming from the tree above her? She should probably care about that.

"Oh, fuck," she groaned, arching up in a panic and missing the attack coming from three Silverwing Plumbirds. She must've fucked up a nest or trashed their tree or something. They swarmed her and she had no choice but to run as fast as she could, as hard as she could despite her bleeding, aching legs. They got in a good few swipes and a cut under her left eye oozed grossly like tree sap. Her chest heaved and burned with the exertion, but it was the most she'd felt in a long time. It felt like her body was quitting on her and Fae kept running until she saw the Shrieking Shack, burst through the door, and collapsed into a ball on the splintered ground. Her claw marks had torn the living room apart.

Regulus and Romilly were right on time, walking into the room five minutes later. She'd told them no earlier than fifteen minutes after sunrise, just to be safe. Lo and behold.

"Holy fuck!"

"I thought you said you were good at lycanthropy!"

Fae chuckled. "I was." Her voice came out as a barely-there rasp. Thus, the chamomile shot came in handy. It amazingly, actually kept her awake while Regulus healed her, allowing Fae to help them move her around. The herbal shot eased her throat and removed the clouding in her head. Oh. She was starting to remember what happened that night, even when she hadn't been aware. She chuckled to herself again. Well, well, well. Fucking tea and herbal drinks were good for remembering transformation. Fuck that.

Regulus did the best he could, but eventually there was nothing more he could do for the time being and he begrudgingly, bitterly admitted that as he and Romilly helped her up and began to walk her to the infirmary. Fae went limp, trusting them to hold her. They both nearly fell over and Romilly snapped at her to stay awake. Bitch.

Romilly kept her awake through Regulus hovering over Pomfrey as the mediwitch began looking over Fae's injuries, offering his own suggestions and asking questions, being both an insufferable know-it-all and endearingly eager to learn. Madam Pomfrey was not having it and they got into quite a disagreement while Fae sat there, bleeding, just wanting to sleep.

Then it got weird when Minerva McGonagall rushed into the infirmary. She thought Romilly might've slipped her some good drugs.

"I need Ms. Potter at once," McGonagall said.

"What for," Romilly asked sharply, putting herself between the professor and Fae.

"Her presence has been requested at St. Mungo's by her brother," Professor McGonagall explained, handing Fae a note. It was hastily written and almost illegible, but she could still read Remus is hurt. Bad. on it pretty damn well. She was out of the infirmary despite everybody's yelling and attempts to keep her back. McGonagall took her to a floo in her office and wished her luck, sending her well wishes.

James was waiting and talking a mile a minute, as usual. Remus had suffered during his transformation as well, apparently. And her brother quickly tried to throw her in a hospital bed too when he got a good look at her. Fae told him rather scathingly to fuck off because she was fine, and where's Remus. James took her to Remus who was sleeping and bandaged up, pale and bruised in the white sheets. Sirius was passed out in a chair beside him. Fae took the other chair and sat down heavily, Lily ushering James out of the room with an understanding half-smile. Fae sighed deeply.

"You fucking tosser."

When Remus woke up, everything hurt. Everything was sore and stinging and throbbing, especially his arm. Oh. It was broken and in a cast. That would explain it. As he groaned and shifted, feeling out his hurts, he heard a smooth chuckle. The smell of coffee and sunshine filled his nose and his eyes snapped open, temporarily blinded by the sunlight.

"Fae?" he called, already reaching for her.

"It's your Fairy Godmother, actually, but close," she joked. "How is it that I look worse than you do, and yet you're the one laying in the hospital?"

Her voice was raspy, thin, but light and playful. His eyes came into focus and he saw her. She was sitting in the chair beside his bed, legs curled up and arms wrapped around them easily. She was wearing her robe and her dark hair was as wild as ever. Her eyes warm and intense. Her grin easy and confident. It was Fae. She was here. He wasn't dreaming.

In the darkest times during the night before and this morning, he'd been so sure he'd never see her again. After the way they'd parted.. And he'd been too much of a coward to write or. Or anything. He'd been so sure that she'd never want anything to do with him ever again. He couldn't describe the feeling inside him, to see her here. Smiling at him.

"Fae, it's so good to see you," he told her. "What are you doing here?"

She huffed and rolled her eyes playfully. "Great question. I woke up in the Forbidden Forest this morning, immediately had to run for my life, lost a significant chunk of my hair to a pissed off bunch of Silverwings, found my way back to the Shrieking Shack, only to be patched up poorly by Regulus and not allowed to sleep because Romilly was all worried and shit, carried like a sack of potatoes to Madam Pomfrey, where I then had to listen to her argue with Regulus over who's healing all my slowing oozing bloody wounds whilst not actually getting healing. And then after like an hour, Madam Pomfrey won sort of, but McGonagall barged in because James was all worried about you and so there was a floo network and now I'm here, making sure you're okay. Ta da. Applause please."

"O-o-oh," he stuttered out, taking in all that information. So she'd had a rough night too. Now he felt even worse. Merlin, what had he done. He should've gone to her. But no, and now here they were, torn apart and injured and miserable. He could smell the blood on Fae. A lot of it. More than he was used to smelling, ever. Her robe covered most of her body, but he could see the swipe across her cheek, the dark circles under her tired and wild eyes, the unusual pallor of her skin, the awkward bend in two of her fingers that mean they were at least fractured if not broken, the red stains bleeding through around her waist where the sash was tied closed. She really did look worse than him. And still smiling, of course. Still worried about him more.

"Oh Fae, your hair," he whispered, reaching out. Her bangs swiped over her eyes, as usual, but the rest was a wild, tangled, sticky mess and one side had been raggedly chopped to a little under her shoulder while the rest hung in blood-soaked, sticky, tangled knots down her waist. Fae loved her hair. Hated how much work it was, but loved the wildness and fullness of it and the way she had so many people who loved her and loved to take care of her hair for her.

"Meh." She shrugged a shoulder and flicked the longer chunks back. "What, you've got a busted arm? Couple lacerations across the chest and left leg?" she assessed easily.

"Yeah, that about sums it up," he answered, vaguely remembering the diagnosis when James had carried him in.

She clicked her tongue. "And they thought you needed the hospital? Jumpy bitches. And you! When did you get to be such a wimp? Just slap a bandage on it and walk it off," she said, making a scrunched up, silly face.

Remus frowned. "Well we can't all have increased healing like yours," he whined. Clearly, she looked worse than it was. She was as biting and rough as always.

Fae grinned and laughed, still sounding like bells even though her vocal chords were definitely strained to hell like his. "Sure we can, we're werewolves. Pretty rough, sorry excuses right now, but," she trailed off.

Their eyes met and Remus breathed in her smell, her presence, her everything so deeply. As if to save up on it and remember it and ingrain it, because two weeks without her had been worse than last night's transformation, quite frankly. Remus wanted to apologize for so many things. He wanted to apologize for everything.

"I guess we kind of scared everyone huh," Fae said, idly humming and glancing over at Sirius. Remus hadn't even noticed him, and felt guilty again. They'd been so worried when he hadn't bothered to signal them his location in the woods that morning, content to just bleed out on the grass. Fae continued, startling him out of his thoughts. "I haven't been this wrecked post-moon since I was….. 14? Early days…" she said with a light, bittersweet laugh.

It was all his fault. "Fae I'm so-"

Fae cut him off with a sharp look and an acid-dipped tongue. "This can't happen again, Remus."

He wanted to ask what she meant. Wanted to hear her say that they couldn't spend a moon apart ever again. Wanted to hear her say that they were clearly stronger together, no matter what. She did, and she didn't.

"We need to get stronger and get a hold of this. We need to be able to handle transformations apart and just better overall, or else it becomes a weak point. We're not going to be together for every moon for our entire lives and we're no good to the Order like this," Fae said determinedly. And he knew that look - her mind was already turning, planning for the next moon, mentally making her to-do list of goal after goal after goal. She was already five steps ahead, planning for a future where they weren't together.

It made him hurt so much more than his broken bones. But how could he ask her to feel or think any differently. "Of course. You're right," he said, voice fond and sad. And she was right. Or at least, she wasn't wrong. If they were this bad off after a full moon alone? That was not good. It needed fixing. They needed to be stronger. And he knew Fae would be, now that she'd set her mind to it. He didn't want to, and couldn't, think of where that left him.

She grinned that Fae-grin. "I always am, aren't I?" He couldn't help rolling his eyes and laughing. She laughed with him and for a moment, things felt normal and right and real again. But then she coughed and added, "Well, usually."

Remus wanted to say something, but she really just wasn't having it this morning and he couldn't keep up. Or didn't want to try. She was happy and smiling at him. Why ruin it?

"Anyways, heal fast and train hard. I expect you to keep up and keep getting better, even with your new job and everything right? By Christmas - I want us both back at full time, four hours for me and two for you, and in pristine condition at sunrise. You hear?"

And it's ruined. He gaped at her. "What? That's only three more moons!" he argued. They were both in such bad shape that they had to be hospitalized today! And she wanted to be back to normal in three months? She couldn't be serious.

Fae shrugged, eyes fiery and challenging in that way he loved, in that way that made him feel inspired and fired up too, whether he liked it or not. "Then you better get to work. I know I will. And I know you can."

If there was anything more powerful than her gaze, it was her words. Always so sure and full of conviction, Fae. Always strong and confident and dependable, Fae. Always believing in him far more than anyone should, Fae. He didn't deserve it. He'd only let her down.

"Do you understand me?" she said sharply when he hadn't nodded and agreed.

"Yes, I understand."

"That's my darling," she said, softly. His heart raced. Was he still her darling? Was he really? He'd never felt he could be anything else, but he didn't think she'd still claim him as her's anymore. It felt good to hear. Better than all the medicines they'd given him, or the chocolate Peter brought for him, or the tea Euphemia had made for him. For a second, it was like nothing had changed. Fae still called him darling and still cared about him enough to come see him despite the fact that she was more injured and she still laughed and teased and believed in him and pushed him to be more than he was.

"Now how's work and everything, I heard you got a promotion?"

"Well yes, I did," he answered, smiling a little. They talked easily and it felt like it could've been the same.

But it wasn't the same. Fae was smiling and laughing and congratulating him on having the life he wanted. But her smile became hollow, her voice became forced. He'd reached for her, to ease her aches and finger through her chopped hair and she had not reached back. She hadn't held his hand or played with his hair or rubbed his shoulders. She wasn't lying beside him like they always do post-moon. Fae was so far away.

"Remus, that's great!" she absolutely beamed. Then turned towards the door. "I- oh," she trailed off, glancing towards the door.

"Fae?" he barely had time to ask before Lori was bursting into the room, rushing to Remus' bedside, and smothering him with kisses and hugs.

"Remus, sweetheart, are you okay? I came as soon as I could!" she squealed. Remus could barely keep up, telling her he was okay, he was fine, please let go, that hurt. At the loud noise, Sirius startled awake and shouted, whipping his head around. Then saw Fae and grinned.

"Fae!" And abruptly frowned. "You look awful!"

"I still look better than you, I reckon," Fae teased back, heading over to hug her brother tightly. Sirius was mindful of her hurts and then the two siblings looked over to Lori and Remus watching them. Lori sprang forward, and then stopped abruptly, gaping at Fae's disheveled, wrecked, small form.

"Oh! Fae, it's good to see you! I didn't know you were here!" Lori said, words stunted and awkward and forced.

"Just a quick visit. James got a little too panicky, that mother-hen," Fae laughed and wiggled her fingers in a friendly wave and Remus was confused.

There was no sign of the sass or prickliness Fae usually displayed around Lori. Just genuine sweetness. He could tell. Fae meant it. "I see Remus is in good hands though, so I oughta head back to Hogwarts soon. Regulus called dibs on healing me and had just argued Madam Pomfrey into submission on the matter, ish, and will be pissed if I don't let him."

And that irked him immediately, set off warning bells in his head. "Regulus?" he rasped. Why would Regulus be healing her? Why was he even around her after the moon?

"He knows?" Sirius asked.

Fae rubbed the back of her head sheepishly and shot Remus a quick, apologetic glance. "Yeah, it was news to me too. Apparently he and Romilly have known for years, those blighters. Regulus went and got himself healing training over the summer and now thinks he's equipped to handle this rowdy werewolf, the dumbass," she said fondly.

Remus began to growl, but it wasn't heard over Lori's happy coo. "Well that's so sweet of him, to do that for you."

Fae nodded and smiled brightly, eyes thoughtful and warm. "Yeah, he and Romilly both. By the way, it was sweet of you to come see me off at Hogwarts. I never thanked you, did I?"

"Oh, it was nothing," Lori said, waving a hand dismissively, but clearly preening under the praise and gratefulness. "I know you and Remus are good friends, so I just wanted to come along."

Fae nodded and reached for Lori's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. To Lori's credit, she didn't pull away or look disgusted by the blood. "Well, nonetheless, thanks. And thank you for looking after Remus. I'm glad he has someone who loves him so much to be here for him."

Ouch. That… that hurt. So much. Because Fae really meant it. Really wanted Lori to love him and look after him, even though he'd. He'd done that. He did not deserve her love. He did not feel like he deserved any love in that moment. But really, he hadn't felt deserving of love or kindness since the last time he saw Fae.

"Oh! Well, you're welcome," Lori tittered.

Then Fae leaned in and whispered conspiratorial, playfully, "Just don't let him forget what a treasure you are, yeah? That nerd gets caught up in books so easily."

"Oh, don't I know it!"

And then Sirius was wrapping himself around Fae and guiding her away and Fae was saying easy goodbyes to both of them, shutting the door with a click, leaving him alone. With Lori.

Fae decided that it was time to get her shit together. She had to get over it and be strong, for the both of them. Remus was thin and pale and so jumpy in her presence. So clearly terrified that she'd haul off and yell at him. He was confused and skittish and worried. And they'd both gotten shredded to hell.

It could not go on like this, and Fae was truly ashamed she'd let it get this bad. That she'd let herself slip so low. It was inexcusable. There were more important things on the line than her dumb, broken heart. She had a war to prepare for.

And the first step was to let Regulus heal her and let Romilly pamper her and rub lotion on her and fix her hair and hover more than James did. She was going to tell them everything and ask for their help in regaining her awareness, her abilities, her fire. She would depend on them and really be there during their days together so they could depend on her too. It was important, in more ways than one. This might very well be the last year they were all together and Fae felt ashamed for losing sight of that.

After returning to Hogwarts, Fae met her worried, pacing best friends, still waiting in the infirmary, with hugs, kisses, and the truest, brightest smile she'd had in weeks. Madam Pomfrey coached Regulus through mixing up the proper amounts of dittany and silver before applying them. He listened intently on how to distinguish between which injuries were self-inflicted and which were creature inflicted and which were just from things like wood, or rocks, or trees. How to handle swollen muscles or sprained joints or bruises. While he worked, Fae leaned against Romilly and explained what her different creams and lotions were for. The tall girl listened attentively, and then removed her gloves to get to work, making Fae beam and cuddle into her side with happy squirms. Fae stayed awake for all of it and thanked Romilly for the herbal shot that morning - it was truly a game changer. Amazing work, considering she'd never actually worked with a werewolf before.

Right?

Even though Fae would definitely make herself walk back to Hufflepuff, she let Romilly and Regulus take an arm each again, and just enjoyed their bodies so close. Regulus sat blushing on the bathroom floor, turned resolutely towards the door, while Romilly helped Fae wash the blood off and untangle her fucked-up hair.

Fae explained to them that it wasn't usually this bad. In fact, had never been this bad before. And they needn't worry, because it wouldn't be this bad ever again. She told them about how her first transformation had wrecked her, but spurned the desire to know everything. She told them about how she sought out everything and probably came damn near close to finding it all with the help of Mr. Hammy, Fleamont, and Alastor Moody.

While Romilly cut her hair, and Regulus bickered with her that he could do it better and make it look prettier, Fae cheerfully and proudly told them all about how she'd attained awareness and heightened senses and enhanced healing and all sorts of abilities. How she'd trained and honed them stronger and stronger. How she'd finessed the full moons to only keep her out of action for half a day following at most.

Of course, Regulus and Romilly weren't surprised in the least that Fae had figured so much out and achieved so much, which just made the smaller girl tear up in happiness and love for them. And they were overjoyed to help Fae get it back. Regulus was more than happy to keep up on his training, certain he could bother Madam Pomfrey into lessons. Romilly was practically bouncing to read all of Fae's research and cross reference it with her own, keep looking for other remedies that might help.

So Fae returned to training and actually being there and mindful during the school days so Regulus and Romilly didn't have to actively keep her from failing. Nobody ran with her in the mornings or evenings, but her best friends were always waiting with her book bag or a towel or food or water. When Fae did strength training, Regulus tracked her numbers and applied his healing training to fitness and rehabilitation research, coming up with more efficient exercises and meal plans that would optimize muscle repair and growth. Romilly and Fae would go back and forth about Greyback and other known werewolves, going over every possible fact, and fiction, on werewolves in existence. Turns out, Romilly's great uncle was a bit of an expert and she had access to and knowledge of quite a few materials that Fae hadn't. That had been fun - it had been awhile since she learned something new about lycanthropy.

"Come on, Regulus! You're the star of the Slytherin Quidditch Team! Running a lap or two with me could only stand to help!"

"No thank you, I prefer to watch."

"Except for quidditch, right?"

"Quidditch is different!"

She grew strong again, rapidly, with their support. And she grew happy again, laughing and teasing and smiling more often than not once more. The Klein Brothers were thrilled to have Fae cackling madly at their schemes, and then dropping in on them once more to offer her advice, not that they'd ever come close to the sheer lunacy and madness of the Marauders. It was cute to see them try though.

Gilbert and Marjorie were happy to see her too, back in the library. Fae didn't go near the hidden window den, but that was because books she needed were on the other side of the library these days. In addition to regaining her abilities, Fae started on a second project. One she'd been planning for this year all along.

It was time to learn everything she could about the Horcruxes. Specifically, if there were any other ways to destroy them. She had decided that if by November she found nothing, then she'd begin preparing to take on the Basilisk. Good thing working on her lycanthropy abilities could just as easily go hand in hand with increasing her sensory training even more to the point that she'd be able to, hopefully, duel blind.

And there was dueling to think about too. She would be dueling, magically fighting, people soon enough. Her werewolf strength meant nothing if she couldn't get within arms distance and her defense magic could use some work. Regulus was the best for that and Romilly could usually taunt him into going all out so he wouldn't take it easy on them.

However, Fae wanted more than just what the classes were teaching them. So that was yet more research in the library and gaining access to a dueling practice room. The Room of Requirement. She'd almost been astounded by how easy it had been to summon it. And completely gleeful. The inside was exactly as she'd imagined it was for Dumbledore's Army and Regulus and Romilly just shrugged and rolled with it as always, thinking it must've been something the Marauders had discovered and showed her. Their dueling game really got fun then.

Time passed in a flash with so much going on. Before Fae knew it, it was September 30th. She walked herself to the far edge of Black Lake and thought only of her past life. When it was sunset, she folded the paper boat herself and set it to sail. When she cried, it was for the loss of loved ones and certainly not the loss of an almost-lover.

On October 1st, her 18th birthday, she was surprised by Lily and Sirius, appearing to whisk her away for a day in Hogsmeade. It was strange to see the combination of those two. But Remus, Peter, and James all had to work, so it couldn't be helped. Fae pretended she bought that and happily let them take her for treats at Honeyduke's and new journals at the bookstore and drinks at the Three Broomsticks. They were past the butterbeer and into the firewhiskey when Lily finally confronted the topic that Fae had just known was coming. Because, of course, nobody could keep their noses out of anybody's business and she couldn't just forget it. Nope, not her. That being said, she wasn't quite prepared for how direct Lily was, nor how much she knew.

"So how is everything? Since… since what happened between you and Remus."

Fae sputtered in disbelief. "He told you?!"

"After she beat it out of him, sure," Sirius said with a snicker.

"You what?"

Lily rolled her eyes and waved them both off. "It didn't take a genius to figure it out. I saw the look on your face when he showed up with Lorelei. You looked-"

Fae made a strangled sound and cut her off. "Yeah. It was bad. I remember, I was there. Moving on."

Sirius frowned. "No, not moving on!"

Lily gave her a sad look. "Remus looks miserable. You guys haven't even been writing, have you?"

Fae shrugged and stared into her drink, hating the way Lily was searching her brain far too successfully. "No, not really," she muttered, really not wanting to have this conversation.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Funny enough, I don't really feel like talking to him much these days," Fae replied, huffing sharply in irritation.

"I thought you guys fixed things after the moon?" Sirius asked.

"How could that fix it? All it did was show me that I was far too dependent on him and that puts the both of us in danger. We need to learn how to be strong on our own."

Lily reached across the table and laid her dainty, sentimental, soft hand over Fae's. "But Fae, it's more than that and you know it. You didn't have to completely cut him out of your life."

Sirius laughed harshly. "So you say, I think Fae can do whatever she wants after he had the nerve to hook up with that slag."

"You're my favorite brother."

"I'm just saying," Lily chided. "You two were so close and to cut all ties is clearly making you both miserable."

Fae looked at her in complete disbelief and flaring irritation. Sure she had known Lily had been a long time friend of Remus', but she thought they were pretty damn good friends now too. What was up with this third degree?

"Well how else am I supposed to feel? We had sex and then pretty much immediately after, he got with the first girl he could and brought her to say goodbye to me!" she yelled. And that's where Fae snapped a little, saying it out loud. Telling people what sad, awful thing happened to her and being unable to hide how undeniably shitty it made her feel.

But there was no stopping it now. "I've been in love with him since the day I met him and he let me think he wanted me too right before deciding that he'd, in fact, rather anybody but me! I love him and he decided that I'm just not enough, but when he wants to keep me close anyways, I'm the bad guy for needing space?!"

Fae had always admired Lily's backbone, but just once, she'd wish the girl would back down and shut the fuck up.

"Remus is crazy about you! Fae, you know how he is. And he's out of his mind without you around, let alone not even talking to him."

As if Remus couldn't reach out and talk to her first? Fae chuckled bitterly, eyes wild as she glared at Lily. "No, he's not. He loves me, sure, but as a fellow werewolf and a best friend and that's not enough for me. Not when he let me think I could have something more."

Because Fae deserved love. She did. She deserved to love and be loved. Didn't she? She had just fallen in love with the wrong person. Fallen really, really damn hard.

Lily did back down a little at that, expression going gentle and sad in that sweet, manipulative way. "He does love you, he's just insecure. He doesn't think he deserves you."

"He doesn't deserve Fae," Sirius growled, slamming his drink on the table. "Certainly not after what he did."

Fae shook her head wildly and tried to stop her bottom lip from quivering. "It doesn't matter! Deserve or not deserve, love or not love. If he loved me, then he would've tried. He would've fought for me. But he didn't. He couldn't even tell me to my face that he didn't want me, he just had to show me and let Lorelei tell me."

She wasn't stupid. She knew Remus had issues with insecurity and self-worth. Making him feel worthy and proud for himself was one of her biggest goals in life. But love… love made you strong enough to overcome anything. True, real love. Fae was absolutely terrified of being truly, really in love. Fae was scared shitless to be completely vulnerable and open and comfortable with someone. And she'd shown him that anyways.

"It's fine," Fae said, sighing and slumping deep into the booth. "Really, it's fine. I got over it when I was 16, and I'll survive it now. Remus has made his choice. I laid it all out for him and now I know and I can move on."

There was silence from Sirius and Lily. Until one of them said, "But will you?"

"Who knows? I'm 18. I think I should, one day," Fae answered. She wanted to believe that there was more than just one person for everyone. That people fell in love, perfect wonderful soul-crushing love that could stand the test of time, more than just once.

Sirius wrapped his arm around her. "That's the spirit. You know, I have a great mate in Auror training who would be perfect for-"

Fae laughed. "Too soon Sirius. But thank you."

"I think you're giving up too quickly," Lily said.

"And I think you're naive about love. It's great that you and my brother worked out your differences and are super lovey dovey, but it doesn't happen that way for everybody. Sometimes love is not enough and things just don't work out," Fae snapped.

Lily looked like she might cry and it honest to God offended Fae that she thought she could be more heartbroken about this than Fae was. "But you and Remus are…"

"I know!" Fae said. "I know…. Gods, you think I don't miss him? You think I don't want to see him all the time or write him and ask how he is? You think my whole being doesn't ache without some sort of contact with him? But I can't. I need time to heal. I deserve time to heal, Lily."

"Of course, Fae," Sirius said, holding her closer and kissing her head.

"I'm sorry," Lily said.

"I'm sorry too."

About so many things. There was silence between them and it was the perfect chance to let it go and change the topic, but Fae figured she might as well dig the hole a little deeper.

"Is he really that miserable?"

"Yes."

Sirius sighed deeply. "He barely sleeps. Works himself ragged at that publishing house. Never eats, pretty much lives off tea these days. And on his days off, Lori parades him around London to all her friends. No clue why he puts up with it."

"Probably because she's the daughter of the owner of the company?" Fae responded dryly. Really, Remus was a fucking idiot. He could've had anyone else at the snap of a finger. Could've picked anybody else to break Fae's heart. But no, he picked the one that would probably screw him over one day too.

"Yeah, that was a dumb move," Lily agreed.

"Trust me, we know."

Fae laughed at Sirius' response and then smiled softly. "Please look after him. I… I'll at least write. A little. Just take care of him and keep him from getting too caught up in his head. Tell him I'm fine and that he doesn't need to feel guilty or anything. Make sure he looks after himself, sod the girlfriend and the job. Make sure he knows he has your support and that he can relax."

Lily smiled brightly at that. "Yeah, okay. We will."

"I take it James doesn't know?"

The red-head arched an eyebrow.

"Good," Fae said. "Don't tell him, he'll make a broadway production out of it and Remus doesn't need that right now. Correction - nobody needs that right now."

Then, with another thought, she said, "And don't let him slack on his training. Remind him, we made a deal, and I will know if he falls short or isn't working at it."

"You got it."

She started writing everybody again. Her brothers, her parents, her mentors in the Order. Her werewolves from St. Mungos and several who had since splintered off and found new lives and homes and journeys. In her short absence, Fae was pleased that Romulus had kept it up, but she made it clear that she was taking over now. He didn't have time with his new job and it'd be confusing making their friends write to two different addresses. He gracefully relinquished control.

Communicating with Remus was as easy as breathing. He was reticent and awkward and shy at first, but she'd dealt with that from him before and knew how to easily get past it. They started writing again and part of the weight on Fae's shoulders lifted. He bitched a lot about Peter, Lily, James, and Sirius fussing over him, so she knew they were doing as she asked and looking after him. By the moon, he was happy to report he'd regained an hour of awareness and had very few injuries the next day. Fae was happy to report she'd regained all of her awareness and was only injured because she pissed off some Red Snapper Monkeys.

October passed in a blink of running, laughing, researching, dueling, and eventually coming to the conclusion that it was better to be safe than sorry, and she'd have to go get a damn Basilisk tooth. So a good chunk of November was spent learning how to duel blind, for which Regulus and Romilly were vicious. The more Romilly tested her, and she was brilliant and imaginative at testing, the more Regulus got to train his healing. Fae, while battered, and frankly exhausted, was pretty happy and feeling blessed to be in the middle of it all, to see them grow.

At the end of November, Fae figured it was getting to be as close as she could get it. She could go through almost an entire day of classes blind now, with relative ease. And was quite happy to frequently wear a pair of steampunk goggles that she'd found in the Room of Requirement and charmed the lenses pitch black. They made her look cool. Her dueling skills were on par with fighting off both of her best friends and the training dummy in the Room of Requirement, at least when Fae was at her strongest close to the moon. She'd learned everything she could about Basilisks, both from the library and from sneaking through Romilly's personal stash of books.

While they'd been helping her duel, Fae had kept the focus on making it seem connected to sensory training, magic control, and strengthening her lycanthropic abilities. She felt a little bad lying about it being connected to the war and to Horcruxes. The war was a term away from them, at least, and she was determined to keep it that way. And nobody knew about Horcruxes, least of all should Fae. So, they had no clue she was preparing to take on a Basilisk, although Romilly would probably be thrilled and helpful as fuck.

Fae had dozens of plans, but the one she thought would work best was to feed it something big and unwieldy. Something tasty, but with a tough center. Kind of like a chew toy, strapped to the ground. The Basilisk might pick at it for a few days, and Fae would swoop in and out, checking for pockets of venom, or if she was lucky, a leftover fang.

It was a good first plan, she thought, with minimal interaction with the actual creature, and hopefully the damn thing would stay full for another hundred years. So on the full moon, she hunted down the biggest bucks she could find. Rolled them together with squirrels and rabbits and mice. Wrapped the whole thing around a thick, sticky, tough ball of blood and guts and hardening charms. Shrank it and preserved it. Geared up two days later. Blacked-out goggles ready to drop over her eyes, scent concealed as much as she could get it. Showed up to Myrtle's bathroom.

Completely forgot she needed to know Parseltongue.

"Fucking, fuckity damnit fuck shit fuck!"

"Aren't you foul-mouthed?"

"Can you not, right now Myrtle?"

"RUDE!"

So. That was a thing. But in hindsight, it was better to poke the beast when there were less students around. Fae had very few misgivings or concerns about staying over hols and was actually looking forward to it. She'd get to try her luck with the Basilisk and study Horcruxes without Regulus or Romilly to hide from. It would be nice and peaceful and she'd be far too busy to be lonely.

It was just a bit of a tough sell to her doting older brothers. James and Sirius showed up a few weeks before break, using one of the rare days off to catch her up with everything and go Christmas shopping for everyone together. It was a tradition, and usually one of her favorites. The day was an absolute blast and Fae cheerfully listened to all their stories about Auror training and all their bitching about the assignments given to them by the Order thus far. She listened to James babble about Lily and to Sirius going on and on about this amazing dance club he'd found in London and had started to frequent. They ate tons of good food and threw snowballs at each other and waltzed in the snow and bickered over who was getting who what for Christmas, calling dibs or dueling each other for the honor of gifting Peter a new, moving, kaleidoscopic camera.

And when the day was winding down and James asked when the last day of Hogwarts was, Fae figured she'd buttered them up enough.

"Ah, here's the thing. I've decided not to come home this year."

"Sorry, what?" Sirius said, spitting out his butterbeer.

James looked at her in horror. "I can't have heard that right."

She gave them a shrug and an awkward half-smile. "No, you did. I'm not coming home for winter hols this year so give mom and dad my love and gifts, will you?"

"Fae, if this is about-"

To shut him up, she kicked Sirius under the table.

"What? What's it about?" James asked.

Fae waved him off. "Nothing. It's just my last year at Hogwarts and I figured I should experience staying over break at least once before I graduate. No regrets and all that. Plus, the Klein Brothers and I have some pretty massive pranks in store. Might give the Marauders a run for their money," she said, grinning mischievously.

"YOu take that bAck riGht now," they shrieked.

Parseltongue was hard. Really hard. Because nobody spoke snake language and there weren't any recordings of people speaking snake language and mimicking what Fae heard in a movie six years ago was just not doing it. Fucking Ron Weasley made it look so easy, repeating Harry talking in his sleep. Bullshit! She was calling bullshit!

She was ready to just blast the fucking sink, battle the big snake, and let Dumbledore deal with the fallout. No more snake in the school, no need for a parseltongue hidden passageway. Barely anybody was at Hogwarts anyways and she would be happy to repair the collateral damage before break was over.

Of course, just as she was about to do just that, she was called into the office and wondered if McGonagall had finally learned legilimency. What she hadn't planned for was seeing James there, white as a sheet.

"Fae, you've got to come home. It's mum and dad."

I am overwhelmed with joy from the response to the last chapter. I expected some response to that upheaval, but not quite as much as I got. Wow. I know it was a brutal and plenty of you want to call it quits. And as you've now read - things aren't getting that much better just yet. Don't worry too much - they WILL get better for Fae, so much better, and Remus will get what he has coming to him, and there will still be a happy ending because that's how I do things.

But for now - thank you all so much for caring about Fae and for reading, even if it was only to this point.