Deanna Troi's empathic senses were assaulted by the 'wrongness' of the scene unfolding before her. Beverly Crusher was going about her duties in sickbay, discussing patients with nurses and doctors, checking equipment and results with assorted medics, and generally keeping the place organized and efficient. Completely in charge of her realm, the doctor moved about, apparently focused on every task before her. Deanna knew otherwise.

Something was most definitely wrong. She studied the redhead, trying to tease out the conflicting emotions skittering around the room. Quickly surveying the crew, she relaxed after confirming no one suspected anything was amiss with their CMO. She's hiding it well, Deanna thought as she moved further into Beverly's domain in a subtle bid to attract her friend's attention.

Looking up as though sensing an unaccounted-for presence in her sickbay, Beverly smiled and walked over to greet her friend. "Deanna! Is it lunch time already?" Beverly asked, checking a nearby chronometer.

Deanna felt Beverly's quickly suppressed twinge of dread as she spoke. There's definitely something wrong, Deanna thought as she smiled at Beverly. "It's past lunch," she replied. "Let's go grab something; I'm starved."

Beverly smiled. "Let me toss my lab coat in my office and we can be on our way," she replied as she signalled for Dr. Selar to take over during her break. A silent nod from the Vulcan was all she needed before breezing out the door, leaving Deanna to hurry along in her wake.

-P/C-

Beverly's fork attacked her salad as though it were a rapidly reproducing virus requiring immediate extermination. She wasn't at all hungry despite not having eaten since dining with the captain the evening before. She was placing forkfuls of greenery in her mouth in an effort to avoid answering the questions she knew Deanna was going to ask. Why didn't I just cancel lunch?

"Beverly," Deanna began, eyeing Beverly's diminishing salad with amusement, "do you want to tell me what's bothering you now, or do you want to wait until you're so full you can't move?"

Beverly sighed and put down her fork. Finishing the morsel she was currently chewing, she looked sheepishly over at her friend. "I don't suppose it would do any good to say nothing was wrong, would it?"

"No, it would not."

I didn't think so. Sighing again she said, "It's nothing major, it's just something I didn't expect; that's all."

"Is it Wesley? Have you heard from him? Is everything alright?"

"No, it's not Wesley." I wonder what—exactly—I'll be telling him the next time he pops by for a visit. "I still haven't heard from him, but I'm choosing to believe he's fine."

"What is it then?"

Beverly looked away and turned her gaze beyond the viewport toward the stars streaking by. If I tell her I don't want to talk about it, she'll immediately assume it's about Jean-Luc. Beverly's relationship with the captain was the one subject she refused to discuss with anyone; she was the only person he felt he could be himself around, and she guarded his privacy like a Ferengi protecting his gold-pressed latinum.

Beverly weighed her words carefully. Lying was out of the question. So was evasion. Part of her wanted to discuss it with her friend; she needed a sounding board—her own lack of success in discussing it with herself proved that, but how should she approach it without revealing far too much? "I tried something new last night."

"Oh?"

"Something I've wanted to try for a long time, but never found the right opportunity."

"Is it something I'd be interested in?"

I sure as hell hope not! "I doubt it. You've never expressed an interest about it to me."

Deanna looked disappointed. "So, it's another science experiment then?"

Beverly almost chuckled. "You could say that." It was certainly an experiment—one where the results utterly failed to match the hypothesis. She began to fiddle with her fork as the need to work through her problem nearly overwhelmed her. She looked back at Deanna and shrugged. "To be honest, it's something I've been curious about for over twenty years.

"When the thought first occurred to me, I didn't take it seriously and I was in no position to put it to a practical test." She smiled wistfully. "Still, it was intriguing to think about every once and a while.

"It wasn't at all possible while I was stationed planetside, but when Wes and I joined the Enterprise the option to pursue this line of research opened up, and I found myself thinking about it on a fairly regular basis." Like every night; and sometimes several times a day.

"Why didn't you start your research back then? Why wait until now?"

"I tried to start it several times, but something always seemed to come up." She smiled ruefully. "You know how it is."

Deanna laughed. "That's true. I can't even begin to list all the hobbies I've wanted to try but never had the time for. If it isn't one thing, it's another." Deanna focused more sharply on Beverly. "But you've completed dozens of research projects; why's this one so different?"

"Let's just say the variables involved are highly complex." Restructuring the dilithium crystals at the sub-atomic level with nothing more than a carrot would be easier than explaining this mess.

"And since this couldn't be done planetside, you couldn't work on it during your year at Medical," Deanna reasoned.

"No," Beverly replied, "and that was far more frustrating than I expected." Incredibly frustrating.

"Was this research part of what drew you back to the Enterprise?"

"No." She blushed as Deanna raised a questioning eyebrow. "Well, it wasn't the predominant reason, but I would be lying if I said the prospect never crossed my mind."

"You've been back almost five years now."

"There were risks."

"But you're always so careful! I'm sure you would have taken every precaution. The captain trusts you; he would have approved your research at any point."

"Oh, Jean-Luc's been supportive of this research project from the moment I first hinted at it almost seven years ago."

"Then why—"

"There were times when it just wasn't possible. There were times when my attention was drawn elsewhere, and this experiment existed as one of those 'if only' fantasies we all indulge in once and a while."

Deanna shook her head. "I cannot believe you've had this idea in your head for two decades, and only acted on it now. It must be one heck of an idea if no one else has beaten you to it."

Beverly laughed. "Oh, Deanna, let me assure you this has been done before; many times." A few of them right here, on the Enterprise. She suppressed a mild wave of jealousy. "I am most definitely not the first."

"Then why are you so interested in it?"

"Why do you love chocolate? It's just one of those things that sticks with you." Beverly shrugged as she continued, "Besides, I've had twenty years to examine it from all sorts of angles. I figured I had a unique perspective, and perhaps even a few data points my predecessors lacked." Her self-assurance was tempered by memories of the previous evening and her smile turned pensive.

"So, it didn't go the way you'd envisioned; is that it?"

Beverly nodded.

"I know you're a gifted scientist, but is it possible," Deanna asked hesitantly, "that over the course of the past two decades you developed an unrealistic, preconceived notion of exactly how your research would play out?"

"What do you mean?"

"Let's make it simple. Think of it like sex."

"What?!" Beverly blushed furiously and quickly checked to see if anyone was paying attention to their conversation. Dear god, how'd she come up with that?

Deanna smiled. "Relax, it's just a metaphor. I want you to think about your first time." Deanna's voice slipped into her easy, professional counselling pace as she spoke. "I'm sure you had numerous dreams and visions of what it would be like. Probably complete with birds, string quartets, and undying love. Am I right?"

Memories of storage sheds, heavy breathing, dust, grubby hands, and garden tools in awkward locations flitted through her mind. "Quite frankly, I was disappointed about the orchestra," Beverly joked, trying to steer the conversation onto safer ground.

"But you see what I'm saying. Sometimes we spend so much time dreaming, thinking, even fantasizing," Beverly blushed, "about something that when we finally experience it, reality pales in comparison."

Beverly sat back and stared at her friend. Could it really be that simple? "Well, I did feel some pressure to get it right—to have it go precisely as I envisioned it would."

"I'll bet if you set aside your expectations, pretend you haven't been thinking about this for twenty years, and try it again you'll be far more satisfied with the results."

-P/C-

Beverly remained in a pensive mood throughout the remainder of her shift. She'd skipped breakfast with Jean-Luc to avoid discussing what had happened, and she wasn't looking forward to dinner either. Deanna's advice followed her around all afternoon, and she realized the counsellor was right. Too much thinking had messed up the experience.

"Computer, location of Captain Picard."

"Captain Picard is on the bridge."

Perfect! She could deal with this before dinner, and with him on the bridge, there wouldn't be that damned ready room desk already between them when they entered the room. Tidying her hair as she strode purposefully down the corridor, she smiled to herself. If this doesn't work, at least I'll be in the right location to ask for a transfer.

-P/C-

Beverly nervously plucked at the sleeve of her uniform as the turbolift carried her to the bridge. Her long legs carried her halfway down the ramp before those in the command area turned in reaction to the woosh of the turbolift doors. Letting her momentum carry her past the base of the horseshoe, Beverly said, "Captain, may I have a word with you?" She didn't wait for his answer; quickly entering his ready room before he had a chance to reply.

Pulse racing, she questioned the sanity of her plan as time passed in an eternity of second guessing and doubt. What if he balks? She stared at her reflection in the curved glass of the fish tank. Please, you know you can take his mind away from duty and propriety with a simple look, she reminded herself. But this is going to be more than a brief mental distraction... She whirled around, startled by the sound of the doors opening and closing.

"Doctor?"

Here goes nothing, she thought as she let him approach. I hope to god you're right about this, Deanna. She closed the gap between them when he stopped a professional distance away. Smiling and reaching up behind his head, she pulled him into a passionate kiss.

He stiffened in shock and tried to pull away, but she wouldn't let go. Oh no you don't! She attacked his mouth with more vigour; and her knees almost gave out in relief when she felt him respond in kind.

Pausing to catch her breath, Beverly pulled away long enough to look into his eyes. His arousal was evident, but so was his confusion. "Beverly, what the devil—"

"Don't think, Jean-Luc," she interrupted him. Lowering her voice and pulling down the fastener on her uniform top, she whispered seductively, "Just feel."

He growled deep in his chest, sending a shiver down her spine. Pivoting on his left foot, he pinned her to the bulkhead next to the aquarium and ordered the doors to the ready room locked before reclaiming her lips in a searing kiss.

-P/C-

Beverly couldn't keep the satisfied smile off her face as she joined Deanna for their regular work-out. Deanna smiled knowingly in response. "I take it you took my advice and tried your experiment again?"

"Yes." Again, and again, and again.

"Can I assume from your smile, and the fact that you're positively radiating satisfaction, that the results were more to your liking?"

"Yes."

"And you had no trouble persuading the captain to allow you to continue with your research? You seemed worried when you entered his ready room at the end of yesterday's shift."

"He was a little apprehensive," she admitted, "but you're right—he trusts me. It only took me a few moments to convince him to support my research." And only a few more to make him forget everything; except my name.

Beverly stretched her pleasantly sore muscles as Deanna prattled on about the dangers of unreasonable expectations and extended fantasies. True, she thought, after all, I thought I hated that desk, but after last evening...

She realized Deanna had stopped speaking and was staring at her intently. Blushing, Beverly cleared her throat and said, "Sorry, Deanna, I let my mind wander. You were saying?"

"A moderate level of fantasy can be healthy," Deanna replied sardonically.

"Really."

"You and the captain are obviously very close. I can tell you harbour deep feelings for each other. Have you considered—"

"Deanna," Beverly warned.

"I know, I know." Deanna raised her hands in surrender. "You don't want to talk about your relationship with the captain."

"What exists between the captain and I is special." She smiled, taking the sting out of her earlier warning. "And I can assure you we are both very happy with the way things currently stand." Perfectly happy.

Looking slightly doubtful but deciding to change the subject, Deanna said, "So, do you think you'll be publishing the results anytime soon?"

Beverly laughed. Dear god, no! "I don't think so. Like I said, it's been done before. I doubt I could write anything new on the topic. I'm just happy I got to verify my hypothesis after all these years."

"Well, discovering you're right after wondering for so long is very satisfying in itself." She grinned. "I'm very happy for you."

Deanna paused in her stretching, looked Beverly straight in the eye, and spoke knowingly, "Both of you."