Remus was bored, and he hated it more than anything else. His life had always been so dull. He had so many fun ideas of things that would be entertaining, but he wasn't allowed to do most of what he wanted to. He couldn't influence Thomas. He couldn't completely destroy the Imagination, because Roman would just get mad and put things back to the way they were before, and then Remus would unintentionally start a fight with his brother, and all of his hard work would just be thrown away.
He couldn't do what he would normally do, because Janus was more protective of him than usual. He let Remus do his own thing for the most part, but he could feel Janus watching him. Whenever Remus got close to doing something potentially dangerous Janus would distract him. It took Remus a few days to figure it out, but even he, as spontaneous as he was, could reognize a pattern when he saw it.
Janus was trying to keep him from hurting himself, whether intentionally or otherwise. Every day Janus relaxed a little more, and Remus knew that it wouldn't be too long until he could do whatever he wanted without Janus' fear or judgement, but he was getting impatient. Remus was bored now.
Not only was he bored, but he was getting lonely, which felt even worse. For a while now, ever since he had introduced himself to Thomas, Remus had run off to Logan when he got bored. The intellectual side would happily listen to his ramblings, as long as the favor was returned in kind.
Logan also allowed Remus to participate in his experiments with him. Logan was a lot of fun to be around, even before he became Remus' Sir. But they couldn't hang out anymore. Janus wouldn't let Remus anywhere near Logan, and Remus wasn't so sure if he wanted to see him.
What Logan had done had hurt, even if Remus hadn't realized it at the time. He found himself looking back at all of his interactions with Logan, not just during their play sessions. Remus started to second-guess everything that he'd ever done with Logan. Did the other side actually enjoy his company, or did he just tolerate him? And if Logan did like Remus' company, was it because he actually liked Remus, or was it just because he was the only side that would let him rant and ramble to his heart's content? If any of the others would listen to Logan would he prefer anybody else's company over Remus'?
He probably did. Everybody would rather be with anybody else than him. Even Janus, who was the only side that Remus knew for sure actually liked him, would probably prefer to spend time with Virgil if he was given the chance..
Remus didn't mind. He didn't need to be anybody's first choice, just so long as he was somebody's any choice at all. Still, it would be nice if, just once, he could be somebody's favorite.
Remus groaned as he nibbled on one of his tentacles while he used the others to stick to the ceiling. He was just glad that Janus had given him the go-ahead to bring his tentacles out. His back was bruise and rash free, and he was taking advantage of having them out.
Remus was thinking about redecorating the Dark Side, maybe filling the entire place with water and deep-sea creatures so he and his tentacles would actually fit in somewhere. Before he could summon so much as a drop of water Janus showed up, and he looked furious.
"What crawled up your butt and died?" Remus asked.
"Thomas." Janus groaned. Remus tilted his head.
"Thomas is up your butt? How'd he do that?" Remus dropped down from the ceiling, landing on all fours while his tentacles wraithed around. "Can I see?" Remus tried to crawl around to see Janus' backside, but the other side scowled and whacked him harshly in the head with his staff.
"You know what I mean." Janus said. He seemed to be in a really bad mood, so Remus bit harshly at his tentacles again to keep his mouth shut. Even Remus knew that sometimes it was better to not test Janus' patience.
"Patton and Virgil are being hard on Thomas again." Janus rubbed the sides of his forehead. "And for some reason Logan hasn't shown up to keep them from getting too worked up and emotionally driven. Somebody has to act like the adult here, and apparently it's not going to be the eternally angsty teen or the child who has deluded himself into thinking he's mature."
Remus didn't really see the problem. "I thought you liked it when Thomas listened to you."
"I do." Janus said. "But is it really so much to ask that he needs me for more than to just play babysitter, just because he doesn't know how to say no to anybody, even himself?" Janus sighed. "I need to go before this turns into a real crisis. Will you be okay on your own for an hour or so?"
Remus bit down harshly on his tentacle and glared at Janus, who just sighed.
"I know, I know, you don't need to be taken care of." Janus said. "But I would rather not come home to find the Dark Side on fire, or my old shedded skin molded to a frighteningly realistic sculpture of Jörmungandr."
"I wouldn't set the Dark Side on fire." Remus huffed, insulted. It would completely ruin the underwater theme he'd been thinking of. The sculpture of the world serpent though, that would fit right in. Remus appreciated the idea, and would have to give it a try sometime, though he'd have to make the sculpture out of something other than Janus' old scales, which he'd been repeatedly forbidden from touching.
Janus knew Remus well. He narrowed his eyes at him, probably knowing that Remus was thinking of loopholes even as they spoke.
"If you're going to cause chaos, do it in the Imagination." Janus said. "I'll be back as soon as I can."
"Take your time." Remus said. "I'm sure everything will be just as you left it when you get back."
Janus hissed and pointed at him rather aggressively. "The Imagination, Remus." He quickly sunk out, probably before Remus could stir more doubt and make him reconsider leaving at all. Remus pouted and nibbled on his tentacle more calmly than before. Now would probably be the perfect time to cause some mischief, but Janus was already in a bad mood. Remus may be bored now, but he had just enough foresight to know that if he angered his only companion then he would only be more bored in the future.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to play in the Imagination. Remus got up off the floor and made his way towards the door to the Imagination. He opened it, only to find Roman standing there on the other side of the door, hand raised, about to knock. Remus blinked, sure that this was just an illusion. Although, the Imagination had never made a copy of Roman before, no matter how many times Remus had sat in the Imagination, waiting for his brother to come by to visit.
Still, there was a first time for everything.
Remus poked at the possibly imaginary Roman with his tentacles. His brother grimaced in annoyance and tried to push the tentacles away, only to let out a high pitched shriek when his bare hand made contact with the somewhat slimy tentacles. Yep, that was the genuine Roman alright.
"You fiend!" Roman whined. He summoned a white and golden handkerchief and wiped his hands. "What was that for?"
"I had to make sure you were real." Remus said. Roman gave him an odd look.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Roman asked.
"You never come visit me." Remus said. "I didn't think that the Imagination could make fake versions of us, but I also didn't think you'd ever come see me...or did you come to see Janus?"
"As though I would ever willingly visit that snake." Roman scoffed. "And the Imagination is controlled by our will. If you don't think the Imagination can make a version of me, then it wouldn't happen."
Remus frowned slightly. "I don't control the Imagination. If I think about something then it appears. I can't control what I think about, despite what Patton likes to claim."
Roman looked surprised for a moment before his expression softened. "I'm always forgetting that you never had the restraint that I did."
"Don't say that like it's a bad thing." Remus growled. He didn't want his brother's judgement or pity. "I like my impulsivity." It may be frustrating, or even painful, when Remus got an idea and tried to follow through with it, only for his mind to move on. He made dozens of half-completed projects every day, and he only ever returned to half of them.
As frustrating as it was, Remus preferred it to being stuck having to double and triple check every single one of his ideas before he even thought about following through with them. If Roman did anything that didn't meet the others' standards then he was shot down and shamed. Roman doubted everything he did, questioning if it was good enough.
Remus rarely gave a thought about his creations being good enough. He created for himself and nobody else. If somebody else wanted something specific from an art piece, then they could create it for themselves. Remus wasn't anybody's show pony.
Sometimes Remus thought it was a shame that Thomas' creativity also played the part of his ego and pride. When the King had split, Remus seemed to have taken the part of his pride that allowed him to be completely unashamed of everything he did. He thought that every idea he had was a great idea, even when it was objectively proven to be a terrible idea.
Roman embodied pride as well, but it was the part of pride that fed off of being validated and acknowledged by others, and if there was one thing that the sides were all universally bad at it was giving proper acknowledgement to each other.
There was a reason why Virgil had ducked out, and Janus had to adopt someone else's form just to be listened to. Logan had to use his and Remus' games to feel like he was being properly listened to. Patton's feelings, as unfair and judgemental as they were, were still very real to him, and having them frequently be brushed off so easily by everybody else had to sting.
"So, if you're real, what are you doing here?" Remus asked. "And why are you standing awkwardly in the doorway? Do you think I'm going to bite?" It wasn't the most ridiculous concern. Remus liked to bite just for fun, and if his tentacle started to get a little sore he might just resort to biting his brother.
What if his intrusive thoughts were contagious? Would that count as being venomous? Now Remus kinda wanted to try to bite Roman, just to see what would happen.
Roman sighed in annoyance. He lifted his hand and reached out towards Remus, but before his hand passed through the doorway it was stopped as a glowing yellow barrier suddenly appeared.
"The Dark Side is still locked." Roman said. "None of us can get over there. Virgil and Logan have been trying for days."
Remus felt his breath get caught in his throat and he bit down so sharply on his tentacle that he caused it to bleed. Remus grimaced at the taste and spat out the tentacle, which was now covered in blue blood.
Roman paled and made a squeamish sound. He sounded more disturbed than he had when Remus had gotten slime on him. "Can you...not?"
Remus tilted his head at his brother. "Not what?" He rubbed his tentacle on the ground to try to get the blood off it. He didn't like the feeling of blood on his tentacle. However, he was more than happy to let the blood drip down frim his face. He liked the way the warm liquid felt..
"You...it...gah!" Roman grimaced and gestured for Remus to join him. "Please, I beg you, let me take care of that for you."
Roman frequently asked Remus for something, usually because he wanted him to stop doing something, but he couldn't remember the last time that he had asked Remus to let him treat an injury of his.
The thought of being taken care of still rubbed Remus the wrong way, but he wasn't about to say no to getting some attention from Roman. Remus approached the door and slipped his hurt tentacle through. Unlike Roman, the barrier did not hold him back. Roman hesitated for just a second before he took Remus' tentacle in his hands and examined it.
"Are you still prone to getting infections?" Roman asked. Remus just giggled in response. When they were young, back when they still played together, Remus had preferred to let his injuries fester and pus. He wanted to see just how bad an infection could get before he couldn't bear it anymore. It had actually taken him a lot of effort to keep his instincts from healing him right away.
Roman gave a resigned sigh. "Alright, come on, I'm treating this. I don't want to hear any complaints." He gave Remus' tentacle a gentle pull, leading Remus through the door, into the Imagination.
"What did you come here for anyway?" Remus asked. Roman hadn't answered his question, and Remus didn't like his questions to be ignored.
"I was bored." Roman said. He normally went out of his way to keep his distance from Remus, but as they walked through the dark side of the Imagination Roman was careful to stay close to Remus. Maybe he hoped that if Remus was there then the monsters lurking in the shadows would keep their distance. It was more likely that Roman knew that monsters were more likely to attack Remus than anybody else, and he just wanted to keep him in arm's reach so it would be easier to shove Remus into the path of danger, like a human shield.
"Things have been so quiet for days." Roman said. "Virgil's more testy than usual, and it's not very fun to mess with him when he gets like this. Logan's locked himself in his room and yells at anybody who tries to get him to come out. Even Patton's on edge because he's trying to figure out how to cheer the others up, but nothing he does seems to help."
Remus grimaced. And he thought that the Dark Side had been dull. At least Janus' temperament wasn't any worse than usual. He dotted on Remus a bit more than he would normally dare to, and that got annoying sometimes, but Remus definitely preferred it to being ignored or yelled at all the time.
"I tried to help the others, but none of them seemed to appreciate any effort I made." Roman said. "Not even Patton. So I've taken to exploring the Imagination."
"You haven't done that since we were kids." Remus said. He remembered how often he and Roman would sit around and explore every inch of the Imagination when they had first split. The others had all had such bad reactions to there suddenly being two creativities, and neither Roman nor Remus had liked the terrified and slightly judgmental looks they were given. They had started to do anything they could think of to avoid being in the main mindscape where they were constantly under the scrutiny of the others.
Remus didn't know why they had stopped. Maybe it was a combination of a lot of things. He knew that Patton was always trying to convine Roman that Remus was a bad influence. And Roman, who never liked Virgil from the start, had never been fond of the way that Remus liked to agitate Virgil, trying to find the fine line between annoying him and making him anxious. Then there were their frequent fights.
Remus knew that there were a lot of things that contributed to their eventual falling out. He just wished that he knew just what it was that broke the camel's back.
"Well, a lot has changed in the Imagination since then." Roman said. "I thought it would keep me busy until the others got back to normal."
"But why did you come to the Dark Side?" Remus asked. He still hadn't been given an answer. Even if Roman had wanted to adventure through every part of the Imagination, including Remus' half, he didn't need to go anywhere near the entrance to the Dark Side.
Roman gave Remus' tentacle a gentle squeeze. "I...look, I was worried about you."
Remus stopped in his tracks, pulling Roman to a stop beside him. "You were worried? About me?"
"Of course I was." Roman huffed. He sounded insulted at the implication that he didn't, even though he had hated Remus for years. "Last I heard about you Deceit was ready to tear the mindscape apart because you'd been hurt somehow. Virgil won't admit it, but I know that the reason why he's been trying to get to the Dark Side is to check on you. I thought that he hated you, so if something's bad enough to get him to show his concern, it's probably something worth worrying about."
Roman took in a slow, deep breath as he summoned some bandages. He began to bind Remus' tentacle. "And then there's Logan. He rarely gets worked up at all, let alone like this." Roman was quiet for a moment before he turned his attention away from the tentacle and looked Remus in the eyes. "I know that he hurt you, I just don't entirely understand how."
"It wasn't the hurting that was the problem." Remus said. He'd liked being shoved around by Logan, being talked down to, and being bound. It had all been a game, but it had also been much more than a game. It was fun, yes, but it was also one-on-one attention. It was one of the few times when Remus could have someone's full focus. But as great as attention was, what was even better was the care. The proof that someone was spending time with him because they wanted to, not because they felt like they had to.
"It was the aftercare." Remus said quietly. Maybe he shouldn't be talking to Roman about this kind of thing, but Janus said that everybody knew about it now. If they knew what was going on between Remus, Janus, and Logan, why should he try to keep it a secret? "I didn't care if he hurt me, but I got used to being taken care of after I got hurt, and Logan just brushed me aside. He...he didn't seem to care if I was taken care of or not. He just wanted me to leave him alone."
Roman nodded as he finished binding Remus' tentacles. He then summoned another handkerchief, a black and silver one this time, and used it to wipe away the blood around Remus' mouth. If he dabbed gently at Remus' eyes, he didn't say a word about the dampness there.
"W-when I talked to Janus and Virgil they showed me that Logan wasn't as careful when he was hurting me as he maybe should have been." Remus said. "It could have been really bad. It wasn't, but it could have been, and that scares me."
Remus scoffed to himself and clenched his fists. His tentacles wraithed around furiously. "I hate this. I'm intrusive thoughts. I like things that are scary and unsettling, and yet I'm terrified at the thought that Logan only wanted to play with me because he wanted to hurt me." Remus shook his head. "I know that's not what happened, but the thought won't go away."
"You're intrusive thoughts." Roman repeated Remus' words back at him. "You've always had intrusive thoughts. Granted, you've never been bothered by them before, but that doesn't mean that you're not allowed to be unnerved."
Remus tilted his head at his brother. "This isn't the first time that I've been scared by my intrusive thoughts." It didn't happen often. Remus usually found amusement in his most intense thoughts. Sometimes, on really bad days he might start crying and laughing, and have such a bad reaction that Janus would have to sit him down and curl up close to him until he calmed down, but Remus hadn't necessarily been afraid of those thoughts. He'd found them bothering, but not frightening. There was a difference.
Roman's concern got worse. "W-what other intrusive thoughts have scared you?"
Remus felt like this was something he shouldn't talk to Roman about, but he had never been very good at biting his tongue. "When we were little I couldn't shake the thought that you were going to leave me and start to hate me. That kinda scared me." There had been multiple nights when he couldn't sleep because he was terrified that if he closed his eyes for a second then he would wake up and Roman would be gone.
Roman looked pained, and Remus was confused to see tears start to gather in his eyes. He knew that Roman was really sensitive, but this seemed ridiculous. "You were afraid that I was going to leave you? A-and then I left you." Roman gave a wet gasp. He was just moments away from starting to cry intensely. Remus didn't want to deal with that mess.
"If you start crying I will choke you out with my tentacles and get your pristine shirt stained." Remus said, and he meant it. Roman swallowed thickly and bit his lip as he wiped his tears. Remus wasn't sure whether it was the threat of suffocation or the possibility of his shirt getting dirty that did the trick.
"I-I'm sorry." Roman said stiffly. His voice wobbled. "I didn't mean to make your worst fear come true."
"You leaving wasn't my worst fear." Remus scowled. "I was afraid of the thoughts of you leaving, not the leaving itself." Remus hadn't liked Roman's sudden absence, but it hadn't scared him, it had just infuriated him. "Don't apologize for leaving when we both know you wouldn't hesitate to do it again."
Roman fidgeted uncomfortably. "Still, I shouldn't have been so cruel about it. Just because I left didn't mean that we couldn't play and create together."
Remus frowned slightly. Now that actually was something about Roman leaving that had upset him. "You stopped playing long before you left."
Roman gave him an odd look. "What are you talking about? We colored together that very morning."
"But that doesn't count." Remus objected. Patton had been supervising their coloring, so there was a lot of staying in the lines and keeping things child friendly involved. "I'm talking about our games. The fun adventures and sparring matches we had in the Imagination."
Roman stared at him in quiet shock for a long moment, and Remus wondered just what he had said wrong this time. "Those weren't games, those were fights!"
"They were fun." Remus said. His fondest memories with Roman had been when they were young and sparring in the Imagination. There would be swords, blood, and broken bones. It had been fantastic.
Roman frowned. "You liked it when we fought? You got badly hurt.."
"We both did." Remus grinned. "Didn't it feel great? The pain made me feel so real. For just a few minutes I could pretend that I wasn't just a broken fragment of a side of a real person. I felt alive."
"That's why you like pain?" Roman looked like he couldn't decide whether he was concerned, curious, or disgusted. "I thought you were just a freak."
"I mean, that too." Remus giggled.
Roman looked distressed. "I wished I'd known. I thought that you were always wanting to fight because you hated me."
"If I hated you I wouldn't have helped you take care of your injuries after you fought a dragon in the Imagination." Remus said. "Getting hurt is how you have fun, and taking care of that hurt is how you show you care." It all made sense to Remus, but somehow his words only made Roman look more concerned.
"But Logan said you hated aftercare." Roman said. "And you hate having your injuries treated. Do you…does that mean that you don't want others to care about you? That you don't care about yourself?" Roman was looking even more panicked than he had when Remus had told him about the intrusive thoughts that had scared him when he was young.
"You're overthinking it." Remus said.
Roman pouted, though he seemed to be trying to glare at him. He crossed his arms. "Do you or do you not see taking care of injuries as an expression of love?"
Remus grimaced at the word. He didn't like to talk about love in any context, except when it came to making love, and there were so many different terms he would rather use. "I mean, yes, I do, but-"
"And yet you don't like to have your injuries treated, whether by yourself or someone else." Roman was starting to look a little bit smug, though there was still pain in his eyes. "Right?" Remus slowly nodded. "You can see why that might be concerning."
"You've been spending too much time with Logan." Remus said. He didn't like it when people tried to find logic and reason behind things that he did.
Roman didn't look convinced, but he didn't say anything else about it, which Remus appreciated. He didn't like to talk about his feelings, but especially not when it involved someone else trying to act like they knew how he felt better than he did.
"Do you want to explore the Imagination with me?" Roman asked. You understand the creatures lurking in the shadows much better than I ever will. As loath as I am to admit it, I'll get much further if you're there with me."
Remus brightened and his tentacles wiggled around happily. He brought an uninjurred one towards his mouth to give it a small nibble, but Roman intercepted it before he could.
"Not again." Roman said. He waved his hand and summoned a chewy necklace in the shape of an octopus. He tossed it to Remus, who experimentally shoved the whole thing in his mouth. He gave it a harsh bite and giggled when it felt like his teeth bounced right off of it. It was like chewing gum, except without the flavor, and with more resistance.
"If you're going to bite something, it might as well be something that won't make a mess." Roman said. "Or cause you pain." He took the cord that was dangling from the necklace and slipped it over Remus' head. He cheerfully continued to chew. Remus wondered if he'd be able to bite hard enough on this thing that he could bite right through it. He saw it as a challenge.
"So, where shall we begin?" Roman asked, and the way he was looking at Remus made it clear that this wasn't just a hypothetical question. Roman was actually leaving the decision to him. Remus gave a particularly harsh chew in his excitement. Not only was he going on an adventure with Roman, but he got to choose where they were going. Roman never let Remus have control when it came to making a decision.
"We should go to the Sea of Shadows." Remus said, dropping the necklace from his mouth. He began to twist its tentacles. "I've always wanted to see how far out it goes." They'd both tried to explore the ocean on the dark side of the Imagination, but it never went very well. You know what they say though, twenty-fourth and two-thirds try is the charm.
Roman smiled, the familiar look of excitement in his eyes. "I'm always eager to slay any new sea monsters that have started to make a nuisance of themselves."
"How do you know none of those sea monsters are me?" Remus asked as he waved around his tentacles. He did like to go swimming in the Sea of Shadows so he could terrorize the sailors.
Roman looked unnerved for a long moment before he narrowed his eyes. "Please, we both know that if I had slain you you would just come back and start rubbing it in my face that, between the two of us, I was the first to fall to the temptation of killing my brother."
Remus giggled. Roman had a point. He would find it absolutely hilarious if Roman ever killed him, especially if it was by accident. He would never be able to keep that kind of humor to himself.
"You're right, you haven't." Remus said. "But there's always tomorrow."
"You are a menace." Roman said. His words and tone were harsh, but Remus knew his brother well enough to know that he saw sparring with words the same way that Remus saw sparring with swords. It was his idea of having fun. Besides Remus couldn't exactly be insulted by being called a menace when he really was a menace. Janus had called him much worse than that.
Roman summoned himself a unicorn. Remus had about a dozen different mounts he could summon for himself, and he couldn't decide on one. He knew that Roman would be happier if his ride was more tame, but that just wasn't Remus' style. Was there anything that was both tame and terrifying?
Remus thought for a second before he grinned and decided to compromise by transforming himself into a half horse half man creature, though it wasn't a centaur.
Roman stared at him in horror. "What in the world is that?"
Remus giggled as he put the horse's mane beneath him. "It's called a nuckelavee." If somebody saw him from a distance, they might think that he was just a regular guy riding a regular horse, but that wasn't the case. His torso was essentially fused to the back of an undead horse.
"That is absolutely terrifying." Roman said. Remus grinned broadly, and so did his horse. Roman shuddered.
"Thank you." Remus said. His horse self whinnied and reared back. "I'll race you to the sea, brother?" He ran off before Roman could even have the chance to hope on his unicorn. He heard Roman not quite curse creatively behind him, and he laughed as the race truly began.
Remus still didn't understand why Roman was willingly spending time with him right now, but he was going to enjoy himself while it lasted.