TFP: Youngling

Ch.37~ Changes

I stared at Orion as he helped with my energon scans, his posture was stiff. Seems he was still troubled; I hoped our talk had helped him. Seems I was wrong. I abandoned my work and approached him; he didn't notice me as I stood at his side. Carefully I brushed our fields as I carefully reached to touch his elbow joint.

He turned to me, while to most his expression seemed stoic, I could see the pain behind it. He was still festering in his guilt… I wish that this hadn't been our fate, fighting and death didn't suit him. I reached up and cupped his cheekplate, he leaned into my palm. His face shifted into one of more obvious pain.

"You're still hurting," I stated plainly, he nodded holding my servo to his cheekplate. "Burying yourself in work isn't the answer you know."

"I do…" he admitted, letting out a hollow dry chuckle. "We are more alike than others would think."

"Had to rub off on each other after all these stellarcycles." I added, "Now, what can I do for you?"

"Your presence." He stated, I moved closer. "I am sorry."

"No apologizing, your kind spark is part of the reason I fell for you. I know how much it hurts you to fight, even him."

"I shouldn't feel mercy toward him, not after all he has done and will do if given the chance." He lamented; I brushed my thumb over his cheekplate as tears fell down his cheekplates. "I failed all of you, especially you and our daughter…"

"You didn't fail us; despite what the Matrix or helm makes you think you are not meant to be perfect. No one is. Your flaws are what make you who you are. And I adore all of you, so does our daughter."

"I want so badly to end this war."

"I know you do."

"Our little Star deserves better."

"I know."

"Yet still I hesitated."

"It's because you always seem to want to see the good in others, and yes sometimes that faith is misplaced… Orion, I've always admired how you see the best in others. I've never been good at given anyone the benefit of the doubt. That's why I'm glad you can."

"I should know he doesn't deserve it by now…"

"That isn't really why you hesitate; you know he isn't the bot you thought you knew. But that doesn't make the feelings you had for him disappear. After all this time I don't think you've truly grieved the loss of the mech you had called your brother."

His face contorted in grief as he let out a sob followed by more, I reached up to cup his other cheekplate. Using my thumbs, I rubbed at the tears that flowed down his cheekplates. Seems neither of us were any good at grieving our losses… I grieve too long and he doesn't give himself the time to grieve. We really are quite the pair.

"I hate that I miss him." He sobbed, I nodded. "I miss his teasing, our talks on philosophy."

"I know, it's alright to miss that." I hushed.

"It'd been easier if he had died…" he admitted.

"In a way the mech you had known is dead."

"He is, isn't he?"

"He is."

"Primus it's been so long, yet it still hurts just as much as it did then."

"I know."

"Every time I see him, I am still in shock… How could that be the same mech?"

"I know…"

(Stargazer's POV)

I awoke with a start, I sat up in my berth scanning my room desperately. Nothing. I began to slow my vents, I don't' even remember the dream… But the emotions from it remained, I felt anxious, scared and sad all at the same time. I hiccupped a vent as tears began to fall down my cheekplates.

I want Carrier. I want Sire.

Hopping off my berth I raced out of the room and toward my creators' berth room. I barged into the room and I saw them resting on the berth. I raced to Carrier's side and tugged at his armour till I heard his engine rumble as he woke up.

He rolled over and looked at me his optics dim still, but they brightened as he looked at me. He sat up quickly scooped me up pulling me into his lap. I grabbed his plating burying myself into him, pressing my faceplate into his chestplates. He rubbed my backstruts soothingly rocking a bit.

"Don't worry, I'm right here." He hushed as I pressed my faceplate further into his plating.

"What's wrong?" I heard Sire ask.

"Did you have a nightmare Star?" Carrier quizzed, I nodded into him. "I'm sorry, but don't worry it's over now."

"You are safe," Sire added, I felt his servo rubbing my helm.

"I think she needs a good story." Carrier hummed.

"Indeed, well how about I tell her about the legend of the Thirteen original Primes."

I peeked up from Carrier's plating, that sounded so interesting. Sire was looking down at me smiling turning I saw Carrier was smiling too. I was safe, I was with my creators. Safe. Warm.

(Optimus' POV)

"I think it did the trick love," I stated, he nodded rubbed our recharging feme's helm.

"Stories always work with this one." He affirmed, I leaned over to kiss his cheekplate. "Lately her dreams have been getting worse."

"I've noticed that as well, perhaps she should sleep with us for a while."

"You're right, rather her not have to look for us after such dreams."

"It's still late, we should try to get some more recharge ourselves."

He laid back down and rolled to his side, I gently laid down and rolled to face him. Carefully I wrapped my servos around him pulling him and our daughter to me. Now she was curled between or frames, she let out a chirp in her recharge. Seems this was a comforting position for her.

"Cuddled between our frames must be nice and warm."

"I would hope so."

"She may be a youngling but she's still got some sparkling traits in her."

"Oh?"

"Sparklings love warm places, their frames are not yet equipped to keep themselves warm reliably. They seek warm spots to rest in, she's the same way."

"As many ways as she is rather mature for her age, she is still a youngling though."

"A very early-stage youngling."

"Indeed, only seven stellarcycles."

"Closer to six, she was born during the Exodus remember."

"Ah yes, these past six stellarcycles seemed to pass slower."

"Indeed, even more so since we landed on Earth."

I felt him cup my cheekplate, I smiled and looked up at him. Even just since she arrived nearly an Earth year-ago time has passed slower. We've all grown, it was remarkable how much we've all changed. Even just us, I felt like was far closer to Orion than I have in a very long time. He leaned down and pulled me into a kiss.

"I love you." He hummed into my lipplates.

"Love you too, but we should probably get some recharge," I replied, we kissed quickly before he pulled back.

He put his servo back around me and I smiled offlining my optics. I felt Stargazer shift closer to me in her recharge. I smiled pulling her closer to myself. Many things have changed in such a short time, for the better.

(Optimus' POV)

I carried Stargazer out into the main room, she was still recharging when our internal alarms went off. Neither of us wanted to leave her alone and Ratchet had to work on a repair he had put off yesterday. I didn't have a time-sensitive duty so I decided to help him with the scans for energon and hold her until she awoke.

Getting to monitor I began to perform scans, while we had been lucky to find more energon signals lately none of them were that large. Our stockpiles would only last so long. So far, I was not having luck finding a new deposit, perhaps I should check areas with more seismic activity. The west coast of the continent we inhabit would be a good starting point.

"Morning Optimus." Arcee greeted, I turned to the feme.

"Good morning Arcee, how did the night patrol go?" I replied.

"Calm, oddly calm." She admitted.

"I see, well I am glad you had an easy patrol."

"Did Star have another nightmare?"

"She did."

"Poor thing…"

"You best get some recharge."

"Make sure you and Ratchet recharge too, you both have been going to recharge later and later lately."

"We will."

"You better."

She headed off; it was nice to see how much our team cared. Arcee was a capable feme, I know, if need be, she can handle things. Seems I will have to keep a better optic on the time.

"Mhmm, Sire?" Stargazer murmured, I looked down to see her waking up.

"Good morning my little Star." I cooed, she pulled back and pushed up her visor rubbing her optic.

"Where's Carrier?" she asked.

"He is working on a repair," I answered, she leaned back against me still seeming tired. "You can go back to recharge; it is still rather early."

"My helm hurts." She muttered.

"Your helm?" I quizzed, she nodded.

"Hurts." She muttered and buried her faceplate in my chestplates.

I reached down and checked her helm; it was a bit hotter than normal. Odd. I should inform Ratchet of her complaint. I strode down the halls, he was repairing an energon leak by our second storeroom. As I approached, I saw him draining the pipe.

"Love," I called, he held up a hand as he changed the container for the draining energon.

"What is it?" he asked turning to look at me.

"Stargazer said her helm was hurting," I explained.

"Her helm hurts." He stated, I nodded as he rose and took her from my servos. "Keep an optic on the draining for me, I'll see what's bothering her."

"Of course," I stated, rubbing her helm before I let them head back to the main room.

Hope she hasn't fallen ill again.

(Ratchet's POV)

"Where does your helm hurt?" I quizzed, pulling Star back a bit to see she had offlined her optics.

"Inside." She whimpered, I felt her forehelm, she was running hot.

"I'm going to scan you then I'll get you something for your helm." I soothed and laid her on the medberth.

Grabbing my scanner, I did a scan of her helm; core temperature was elevated, but no obvious cause. Odd, processor aches are not common in younglings. Perhaps these nightmares are taking more of a toll on her than I had initially thought. I plugged into her medical port and dampened her pain sensors a bit.

"How does that feel?" I asked, she onlined her optics.

"Better." She stated, I scooped her up. "Tired."

"Go back into recharge." I hushed, I gently rocked her until I felt her fall back into recharge.

Seems we had even more reason to have her beginning recharging with us. All these nightmares were taking a toll on her young systems. I checked her fuel level; she was running low again. I headed to our reserves to get her a cube.

I was a bit worried; her health had been remarkably good when she arrived despite her time in stasis. Perhaps I had been too quick to assume that her time in stasis would have no lasting effects. If I had better equipment, I could check to see how far her systems and firewalls have developed.

I stopped and let out a long vent, I'm getting ahead of myself. It could very well just be the nightmares and lack of proper recharge. If she doesn't improve after a few nightmares nights then I can look into other causes. Worrying unnecessarily will do no good.

I continued my walk and soon arrived at the reserve dispenser and grabbed a cube filling it. Setting the cube back down I gently began to coax Stargazer awake. She whined but soon onlined her optics dimly, I picked up to the cube. I carefully pressed it to her lipplates, she let me feed her. She drank rather slowly, but not surprising considering how tired she seemed. When she finished, I checked her levels, that was better.

She cuddled back up to me and seemed to be falling back into recharge. This was much like when her wing nubs bothered her, I hope this meant she was just tired. I began to head back to where I had left Optimus, he would need to watch her while I finished my repair. It didn't take long to get back I saw him sealing the energon in the containers.

"How is she?" he asked.

"Tired and I dampened her pain receptors for now, but we'll need to keep an optic on her. I hope it's just exhaustion from her interrupted sleep cycles." I answered, handing her over to him.

"You look worried." He stated, I nodded. "You have another theory then."

"If it's not exhaustion then I am beginning to worry her time in stasis had negative effects on her development," I explained, he looked to her sadly. "We will return to that if she doesn't improve."

"Shall I let her rest?"

"Yes, let her rest as long as she can. I'll come get her when I finish this repair."

"Of course, I shall continue scans for energon."

"Thank you, I should be done in an hour or so."

He leaned over and kissed my helm, I smiled as he headed back to the main room. Turning back to my project I knelt down and grabbed my welder. Best to get this done, Orion still had his patrols to attend to, and if I was being honest. I wanted to return to my creation's side as soon as I could.