Chapter Title: Emotions of the Day
Series Title: Unlikely Brothers
Ages in this chapter: Dashen (11) Kossi (6)
Chapter Summary: Two months after the death of their parents, Dashen and Kossi have a challenging day.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. The hours droned on. Six. Seven. Eight. The day of never ending time. It seemed anyway. I was anxious. I was exhausted. I wanted to get home. I needed to get home. Kossi was there alone and he was too young to be there alone in the crap hole that had the nerve to masquerade as an apartment.
I'd told him to go straight home from school. Don't stop for anyone. At the building, only check in with Pojo Chezit for security purposes. The giant Wookiee/Hutt thing was more wall-ornament than anything, but he was good people. At least I was pretty sure he was good people. I'd known him barely two months during this time Kossi and I had taken up residence in our tiny flat. But other than being ugly as hell and the most immobile creature in the entire town of Kaolin, there didn't seem to be any bad vibes about him. It's the best I had. The best we had in our new reality. Our folks dead just past two months. Me dropping from school to work and barely enough money left after owed-rent to afford me and my baby brother two decent meals a day. Thankfully, school afforded Kossi a midday lunch. For that, I was grateful. If nothing else, he had at least one semi healthy meal.
At my age, the only employment I could dig up was a local eatery; wiping tables, cleaning vomit, plunging commodes. It didn't pay well, but it paid and the owner asked no questions, only that I was on time and did the job. I was able to get Kossi to school in the morning, but there was little I could do to get him home in the afternoon. He was six. Too damned young to be on the streets alone, especially in his second year of classes. But we'd planed and planed the best path for him to take from the school to the hotel. It offered the path of least resistance and the safest route. Kossi would leave the school, go right home and com me at every stop. Obsessive, maybe, but this kid was my baby brother. This kid was my heart and soul. He was all and everything I had in my life and in my world. No chances taken. None.
Today had been brutal. I'd been made to stay two extra hours for work because of some gathering of export pilots. They congregated, they drank, they ate, they were loud as hell and they wouldn't leave. I knew Kossi had gotten home safe but I'd not heard from him since. He'd never leave the apartment voluntarily unless an absolute emergency. I couldn't contact Pojo wither. I'd figured Pojo for good people, but I didn't want anyone stepping foot in my apartment unless I was physically there.
So, I did what I did best. I worked hard and worried until my heart felt ready to explode from stress.
The pilots did eventually leave, but clean up after took time. Time I didn't have and where the hell was my brother? Why wasn't he answering me?
The owner of the eatery had left shop with instructions for me to lock up. Whatever. I half-assed the rest of my job (honestly, he'd never know, he was a lazy, late arriver every day anyway) and planned to finish tomorrow. Kossi still wasn't responding to me. I ran full speed out the door and made the freezing fifteen minute walk in just over nine, ice and snow be damned.
I was frozen solid by the time I got home and my lungs were pumping so hard from cold and exertion that it actually stung to breathe. Legs rubbery, I bumbled into the hotel and tried to form words, directing them at the resident wall ornament that posed as security.
"Pojo! My brother. Did he get here? You see him?"
The extra-large mouth with the frightening imposing razor teeth nodded in his own weird entire-body way and pointed a fat arm toward the stairs.
"Yup, hauled on up them stairs so fast, nothin' but a small blur of black hair. Wavin' and smilin' as he scrammed past. Always good, that kid. Not an ounce of trouble from him like others his age. Ya do good by him, Lesedi."
I tried. I did. But I was eleven (a kid myself) and fresh off mourning our folks who meant the galaxy to us. What the hell did I know about parenting a six year old? Felt nice for someone to mention I was doing okay, but I had no time for casual conversation.
"Thank, Pojo." I breathed out and pushed my wobbling legs up the how many flights was it? Two, three, four? I lost track. It was too many and I staggered into our apartment, securing the door behind me.
"Kossi?" I yelled out. Desperate. Did I seem desperate? I was. No response from his com for too many hours and he was here, alone and where was he, damn it! "Kossi!" If I kept screaming his name, he'd come running out from somewhere safe and sound. The view in front of me, this was basically the apartment. Other than a small bedroom where I slept and a bathroom the size of a swamp rat, this was it and my brother was not here in front of me!
Leaning on my breath again (at least I was thawing out), my legs lead me to my bedroom. The door was slightly ajar which was not how I left it - was it? No, I'd closed it. I always close it. No idea why, just habit. So, this was not normal and…
"Kossi?" My baby brother's form lay on the bed, curled into my poor excuse for bed covering. "Damn it, Kos, you better be sleeping." Said my mouth as my brain searched for something wrong. Something had to be wrong, right? Wasn't that how my world operated now? And if there was nothing wrong, why was Kossi not responding to my coms? He knows better.
Not seeing anything of concern, I set a hand on his face and neck. Checking for pulse and fever and all other things our mother had always done. Pulse. There. Fever. None. Kossi was just… sleeping?
I'd have been mad at him if I had it in me to actually be mad at him. I didn't. Pojo wasn't exaggerating when he referred to Kossi as always good. Not perfect, but just an all around good kid.
My hand moved from his neck to shoulder and I shook it slightly to wake him. "Kos? Little brother, wake up."
It took a minute until he rolled onto his back with dark hair mashed to the right side of his face and pillow creases on his cheek. Green eyes that matched mine to a tee, opened toward me. Kossi looked tired and confused. Join the club.
"Dashy? What's wrong?"
"Well, nothing really. Not now anyway. You didn't answer my coms, Kos. You are supposed to respond back so I know you're okay. I got scared that something happened."
Kossi's head rolled back and forth against the pillow. "Nah. I came home from school like you said and I was really tired and I didn't wanna lay on my bed." The nasty, bumpy couch that counted as his bed. "You said I could sleep here sometimes in your bed, so I climbed up and got sleepy. Dashy, m'sorry. I was really tired and your bed is really cozy. I didn't mean to not answer you."
"It's okay, Kos. It's okay. Just… I'm just jumpy is all. With momma and poppa gone, you're all I've got and we're all we have and I worry."
"Yeah, Dashy, you worry a lot. Maybe too much. I love you though." He finished with the sweetest of little kid smiles.
Leave it to this kid to reach right into my heart to calm me down. I smiled back and reached over to brush the long black bangs from his eyes before climbing into bed to lay next to the only person in the galaxy that gave a crap about me.
That person though, pushed me right back out of the bed with all the given strength his hands and feet could muster. Stupidly strong for a petite six year old, damn!
"Kos, come on!"
"Dashy, you smell. Like that place you work. You're very stinky."
I lifted an elbow to my nose. Oh, no. That was me? What type of foulness was that? And I hadn't even hit puberty yet. I kept my legs planted on the floor and stood. "Yup, that's me that are smelling. Wow. Sorry, little brother. I'll shower. I got paid today. Enough for a few meals. Maybe we go into town to your favorite diner tonight, especially since you scared me to death. We can get the cheap meals."
"The lady there likes me. She say's m'cute and 'dorable and she gives me free stuff."
She had. Last time she gave us two meals for practically nothing. The fact that we looked pathetic and sad helped. We didn't seek charity. I wasn't above a free meal for Kossi though. I'd been working my butt off since our folks died in order to give him some type of decent life that included enough sustenance so neither of us starved to death. It wasn't easy. There wasn't much work for a shell shocked eleven year old with no real world experience. I was tall, lanky and fast for my age, but that didn't get me very far. Pity wasn't something most people in Kaolin specialized in and I'd needed instant income or Kossi and I would be out on the streets eating from the back alley dumpsters.
"Let me get cleaned up then, okay?" I said to Kossi, then realized I'd not asked him, "Hey, Kos, why were you so tired today? You usually come home and do your assignments, then watch a holo-film until I get here."
He shrugged lazily… and that said a hell of a lot. This wasn't like him. Something was up.
"I was sad today." He quietly mumbled. "Do you… is it okay to still be sad about momma and poppa?"
"Of course it is. I'm still sad. But why today?"
"It was Parent Day at school."
Oh hell, that was today? Kossi had told me about it a few weeks ago. I'd promised him I would go if I didn't have to work. I'd forgotten. Not that I could have gotten off work anyway, but damn it!
"Kos, I'm so sorry. I forgot."
"You're busy with takin' care of me, Dashy."
Code for he didn't remind me on purpose. Not wanting to burden his big brother who was already struggling horribly in so many ways.
"I know, but I would have been there if I could get off work." Impossible, but he didn't need to know that. "So, all those kids with their parents there, that made you sad, huh?"
Kossi nodded, sitting up in bed now, his dark bangs fell in front of his eyes again. They didn't hide the tears very well. His missed our folks so much, probably in different ways then me, with him being so young, but his heart was broken all the same. Days like this made their absence feel like a repetitive stab in the gut.
"Some of 'em only had moms or only dads. But all the kids had somebody there."
And there was my stab in the gut. No, Kossi wasn't blaming me for not being there. No guilt trip from this kid, he was as pure as they came. He was just laying his emotion out there in the rawest of forms. Being honest with me like I was with him.
"Well, I'm here now with you, and after I rinse this stink off, it's you and me for dinner. Then I can help you with your home assignments."
Kossi frowned at that last part. Me help him? I'd never been known for my prowess in school. Average at best. Squeaking by was more like it. I'd sit with him though, if nothing else. Just me and Kossi for the evening. I couldn't be there for him today in school when he needed me, I could be there with him now.
I grabbed a quick shower, changed into clothes that didn't have holes or stains in them (my choices were limited these days) and found Kossi sitting on my bed waiting patiently for me. A mournful expression lay heavy on his face, which was so unlike my baby brother. Our loss weighed on him today, probably more than anytime in these last two months since their deaths.
A quick towel dry of my hair and I knelt down in front of him.
"I miss them too, Kos. Every second."
Chewing his lip and twisting his mouth trying hard not to cry again, the effort was unsuccessful. My arms went wide, I held them out to invite him in. Kossi wrapped around me so tight it was like a vice grip. Arms practically strangling my neck, face buried deep into my shoulder. Sobs came hard as he melted down in my embrace. This kid had been so brave and strong since we'd lost our family, I figured it was only a matter of time before the dam broke. In a way, it was good that it did finally happen. Kossi needed to cry for a while. Our parents had been decent and hard working people. They loved their sons deeply. We'd miss them terribly for the rest of our lives.
Eventually, I slunk down off my knees and onto the floor, leaning against the bed. My compact six year old brother tucked to me. I wanted to cry too. So damn badly I wanted to cry my eyes out.
But it wasn't the time.
For now I had to keep it together to help Kossi find his peace.
And he did eventually. An hour later, pulling away some, sniffling the entire time. Eyes blurry and red. I kissed the top of his head. "Love you, Kos."
"Forever and ever?" He sniffed back.
"Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever! And even beyond that. Beyond ever! Can you imagine?"
That made him smile.
"Can we still go eat at the diner?"
"Of course. Just get your face washed up and we'll go. You can even get dessert."
That made his face light up. The kid did love his sugar. Not that I had extra money for dessert, but damn it, I'd find a way to give him whatever he wanted. I'd volunteer to work a shift there if I had to in order to pay our way. Anything for Kossi. I would literally do anything in the galaxy for him.
He stood up, wobbly for a moment, then shaking off the sadness as he went into the bathroom. Back out and he looked better. I reached down to straighten his tunic and push his hair back behind his ears. It wouldn't stay, it never did. Probably time for a hair cut. No, we had no money for that either. He got the Dashen Lesedi Big Brother Trim. Free and kinda-sorta even and straight. Next week for that though. Now, it was our special evening together.
Better prepared for the weather this time, I got him dressed in his warm boots and jacket and pulled the hood over his head. Then I took his hand and we hurried down the stairs, passing by a smiling Pojo Chezit, still plastered against the wall, same spot as usual. I was beginning to think he was actually stuck to the floor. He waved to Kossi and Kossi waved back. Always. Then we were out on the street, happily kicking our way through the snow and heading to the northern end of town to Kossi's favorite diner.
Not sure how we did it, but we managed two meals and two desserts for the price of one. Probably had something to do with Kossi walking right up to the regular server lady and saying hello and wishing her a good evening. Even asked her name (Rayne). Most patrons in this place came and went, words were few. Kossi made sure to greet people and treat them as actual people. With respect and kindness. Give and you shall receive, right? For my kid brother, yeah, he lived that motto.
And I have to say, the enormous smile that got stuck on his face as he was loading his spoon with whipped-sugar cream and shoveling it into his mouth… that smile was something to behold. I'd have sold my soul a thousands times to keep that joyful look there forever.
As his face was covered in dessert, I grabbed a look over at Rayne. Now
that we knew her name and she gave us free food, I figured I owed her acknowledgement. She wasn't but a few feet away from our booth, her large gray eyes finding my watery green ones. Yeah, I was having a time holding back the emotions of seeing my baby brother so delighted. My lips upturned in a smile and I raised my hand toward Rayne in a short wave. Mouthing the words thank you before my eyes lost that contact.
I didn't have extra money to spare, but the leftover from the meal that I would have tried hard to pay for, I could leave as a tip. A half credit was what I had. She deserved so much more than that.
We finished up our dessert and it was time to get home. Studies were due and if we could sneak in a short holo-film, that would polish off the evening perfectly.
"Dashy, can I go say hi to Balee?" Balee was some weird pet-type creature that always sat in the corner of the diner. Begging for scraps and waiting for attention. Ugliest thing you've ever seen with horns and bumps and scales and odd patches of fur. Kossi thought she was beautiful. He'd saved a few tiny pieces of bantha bacon for her.
"Go see her, make it quick though, okay? We've gotta get your studies done."
"I will."
Short legs hurried him across the diner when I was startled by Rayne behind me suddenly. She was busing the table for the next patron as her gray eyes (that matched her just-as-gray hair) caught mine again. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, probably true with Rayne. There was so much within hers. Age. Wisdom. Courage. She'd seen a lot her time, I was certain. She spoke to me then.
"Life is a challenge for you, young man. I see it. I feel it. That boy though, you always do right by him, you always will. Even when it means less - or going without - for yourself. There is so little of that left in the galaxy. Sacrifice. Perhaps you don't yet see it, but you have as much good in you as that little one does."
Hadn't expected that type of depth of conversation. Was she some type of mind wizard or something? I'd heard of that kinda. Jedi, right? They could feel things, see things. Or was she just being kind to a couple of kids who had literally nothing to their names except each other?
There was confidence behind her words. Determination as well. She made the pain in the heart twinge too, showing me how much I missed that mother-figure in my life.
"Thank you, Rayne. Each time we come here, you are very kind. We don't have much, so seeing my brother get dessert after an emotional day, it means the galaxy to me. And to him. I will pay you back one day too. I promise you."
It was a promise I'd keep too. I'd swear on it.
"Young one. I struggled once as you do." She offered. "Taking a hand when it reaches out is not always easy. If I can offer an hour of joy with a simple meal, it is worth my day." She finished with a nod and refocused on the clean up.
"Dashy, look!" Kossi came hurrying over with the creature Balee, at his heels. "Watch this, watch! Balee, dance!"
The creature leapt to her hind legs and damn if she didn't spin around in a circle, not once but twice.
"Balee, shake hands!"
Balee's butt hit the floor and her paw, claw, foot, whatever, reached out and set on top of Kossi's.
"She can do lots and lots of tricks, Dashy. Wanna see more?"
The kid was having a blast, but we really did need to get home. Dusk was settling in and I wasn't big on Kossi being out on the streets of Kaolin in the dark. Even I was too young to be completely comfortable with it.
"Next time, little brother. It's getting dark, we should get home."
"Okay. Bye, Balee."
The creature reached a paw up and pressed it against Kossi's hand as if to say, see you next time.
Huh. My amazing little brother and his ability to make friends anywhere.
"Dashy, m'ready." He turned briefly to our lady server. "Thank you, Miss Rayne. It was very delicious."
"You are very welcome, Kossi."
So, he knew her name, she knew his. Okay then.
"Next time you come back, I'll have a new dessert for you to try. Something special I've been working on."
Kossi smiled huge. "I can't wait! Can we come back, Dashy? Can we?"
If it was me, I'd be here every day of my life, but reality? "Next time I get paid, I'll see if there's enough. I can't promise, but I'll try hard. How's that?"
"You try hard all the time. He does, Miss Rayne. Every second he tries really hard."
Rayne nodded. "That's the sign of a good big brother."
"Yup. Dashy is the best big brother that's ever been in any galaxy anywhere!"
Not the first time I'd heard that. Kossi liked making sure others knew about me. From the time he knew what a big brother was and could form all the words, that proclamation became a staple of his. Funny enough, Rayne didn't even flinch at the words. She accepted them as if it was the firmest truth in the galaxy.
"I can believe that he is, young Kossi. You run along now. Listen to your brother and do your studies. I will see you next time."
"I will. Bye, Miss Rayne!"
Kossi's hand reached up for mine. Keeping contact with him always when we were outside. Rayne watched us leave. Honestly I think she was waiting for that smile and wave thing that Kossi was famous for. She got it, then turned and went back to task.
At home, Kossi did his studies. No help from me needed, thankfully. We had just enough time to watch a short holo-film. Something happy to finish a difficult day. By the end, Kossi was exhausted and could barely hold his head up. I knew what was coming though. Yes, the day had gotten better as we'd moved along, but it didn't take away from the fact that Kossi's emotions had imploded earlier. There was no way he'd be sleeping in his own bed (the couch) tonight.
The ask was coming, I beat him to it. "Kos, why don't you sleep in my bed tonight, okay? You can get your blanket and curl up right next to me. You can even use me a pillow." He did love his big brother pillow.
"Okay." He responded without hesitation, quickly gathering his blanket and putting on some warm socks before shuffling toward my room. A quick bathroom break and I joined him where he'd already managed to tangle himself into my blanket.
"Hey, you blanket hog. You gotta share, ya know?" I joshed with him.
"Dashy, you have to lay down so we can share. You got a big blanket, we can both fit under."
I climbed in, he crawled to me and pushed part of the blanket over my chest and up to my shoulders, as if tucking me in. Next, he turned to his side, facing me and nuzzled up as close as he could possibly get.
His muffled voice said, "Thank you for helpin' me, Dashy. I miss momma and poppa so much it hurts. But I have you and you make it better. I love you."
"Love you back, Kos. It'll get better. I promise. Let's try and sleep now."
My right arm detangled from the blanket and reached over/under to hold snug around slight shoulders. I didn't think there would be nightmares. Pretty sure we were both okay for the moment. Still, never hurt to keep Kossi as close as possible. I had no idea what the future held for either of us. Today had been scary and challenging and weird and emotional and in the end… joyful.
Maybe that was destined to be our lives. All of those things twisted and wrapped up together.
I'd be okay with that.
As long as I had Kossi with me, I imagine I might be able to get through anything.
END