"These trees are huge," Ivanna whispered as Sesshomaru carried her through the dense forest, the moon high in the sky.
She was sitting in the crook of his arm so she was higher than if he cradled her to him, being able to look around better. His hand was under her thighs and she had one arm gripping the back of his haori under his hair and her other was holding onto his haori near his collarbone. She had feeling in most of her legs now but still couldn't feel from her lower calf down to her toes.
Seeing Rin and Jaken asleep on Ah-Un's back as she looked around at the trees, she frowned. The thickness of some of the trunks were so wide around that it probably would have taken three or four people with hands clasped to wrap around the base. Their height was equally surprising going stories tall that the forest floor did not see much light, explaining the minimal vegetation on the floor that was not the trees themselves.
"This is the Old Wood. These trees are several millennium old."
"Wait, how old are you now?" She frowned, surprised she had never inquired as she looked down at him since her head was a few inches higher.
"Five centuries," he smirked as he glanced at her.
"Wow... that means Tooru a millennium..."
"This one's sire was over three millennium before his death."
"Now I'm jealous," she mused.
"I was wondering when you would make your way here, Sesshomaru," a deep voice rumbled around them and Ivanna flinched as the voice startled her and looked around.
"Bokuseno," Sesshomaru greeted the voice and she focused on the direction he was looking and frowned seeing a face, no bigger than hers, within the knot of one of the narrower trees.
"So this is the one who's fate became intertwined with your own?"
"What do you know?" Ivanna frowned.
"You are a Spirit Walker. Fate would choose those who, like you, were terminal. Their bodies would be spirited to the past, they would fulfill their purpose before their illnesses claimed them."
"Do you know why this one's sire pulled her spirit from her body and marked her?"
"I do not know enough of what goes on along the border to know that answer, but you understand now that anything that happens while in your spirit form, it reflects upon your physical form."
"What would him drawing out my spirit mean for me if I cannot remember?" Ivanna asked, wishing for some form of hope.
"I know not, but if you fail the duty that brought you here, Onna, the west will crumble," the tree spoke, his voice harsh and Ivanna felt Sesshomaru's hand grip her leg tighter in response despite his unreadable expression and she nodded quietly.
"Do you know how I would be able to access my spirit form so I know what not to do? It causes a lot of stress on my body..."
"All I have learned is that it goes off the strength of your will. The stronger your will, the stronger the form and more visible to others it will be."
"What of her repeated episodes of paralysis?"
"That was the fates way of a safeguard so her illness would not take her first. Each spirit walker had their own safeguard."
"But those safeguards are not completely foolproof," Ivanna frowned. "If not for Ah-Un, I wouldn't be here... Sesshomaru has to feed his Youkai into me otherwise him flaring it causes extreme pain and three flares caused my heart to stop."
"Fate would have stepped in had the dragon not done so. They could not account for everything preemptively though I am curious to see how they react to the joining of you two."
"Would you know...?"
"There is no more I can tell you, spirit walker. Now, begone from these woods," Bokuseno interrupted before the face merged back into the wood, fading back into a simple tree knot.
"Well, this was pointless," Ivanna muttered as Sesshomaru turned and started walking the way they had come.
"He gave information previously unknown," Sesshomaru replied.
"Like how I'm one of many unfortunate terminal ninngen to have been chosen to walk the past?"
"Do not say such things, mate."
"Don't say what, the truth?" She scoffed. "Fate has a twisted sense of humor, 'Maru. If other spirit walkers were like myself on how they came to be in the past for specific rolls, their bodies died for their souls to be reborn only to die once they fulfill the purpose they were given. It gives a false sense of hope to actually have a second chance to live."
"You have lived more with your second chance than you had with the first."
"A life I will regret saying goodbye to now," she whispered as she laid her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I wish I was stronger."
"You are the strongest ninngen this one has ever encountered."
"You know what I meant," she muttered.
"Had your body been stronger, you would not have been chosen to be placed at this one's side," he murmured and she chose to remain silent, knowing that no matter what she said, he would find some way to counter her words. "Cease your dark thoughts, they can be felt though the mating mark."
"Bite me," she muttered darkly before feeling something pierce her ear.
Opening her eyes, she frowned as she realized that he had turned his head and actually bit down on her ear. She blinked in surprise before a chuckle escaped her, she should have known that he wouldn't have understood that she was just being defiant. He released her without feeding her any jaki and licked the outer shell of her ear where it hurt.
"It was an expression," she huffed as she lifted her head, but let the amused smile grace her face. "Guess that's my fault that I didn't think you'd take that literally."
"Hn," he smirked.
"So when do you plan on returning to the western citadel?" She asked as she felt where she had been bitten and felt two puncture wounds on each side of the cartilage.
"Two lunar cycles from when we departed."
"So right before the new year begins?" She asked, locking away her emotions and hoped he didn't feel the sudden heaviness of her heart.
"Correct," he nodded, not showing any sign of feeling her mental pain.
"Do Youkai celebrate the new year?"
"A gathering is held every year," he mused, enlightening her. "It's location changed between the territory lands, the four lords each cycle on who hosts it."
"So which lord hosts it this year?"
"It is this one's turn. You will be announced as this one's mate during it."
"Really?" She found herself frowning as she glanced back at Rin as she heard her talk in her sleep.
"Look at me," his voice went cold and she flinched unwillingly as he stopped walking.
"What?" She spoke as she steeled herself as she locked onto the slight glow of his golden eyes which were narrowed. Feeling suspicion course through her, she realized she was in trouble and wracked her brain for an excuse she hoped would help her situation. "I'm fine, seriously. Just wishing this paralysis would fade already."
"Have you forgotten that this one can smell your lies?"
"I'm not lying," she countered. "Imagine having your arm still, but you cannot use it as it is useless and limp, unable to feel anything other than the pressure of its weight as it pulls you down."
"According to him, you don't make it to the new year, do you?" He spoke coldly and she felt her heart drop as she lowered her gaze as she looked away.
"I might," she whispered sadly and felt his hand around her thigh flex in response as he started walking silently. "We can't take his word when everything is different. To him, she was only a servant, nothing more. You feeding me your jaki and us mating could possibly have changed everything."
"Ivanna, what was the day he spoke?"
"I can't," she shook her head and felt his claws dig into her leg, "No, Sesshomaru, you won't pressure this out of me. Be angry or hate me all you want, but I cannot speak of this."
"Hn."
He stopped walking once more and she saw that they were in a small clearing. He set her down against a tree and his Mokomoko detached from him and wrapped around her as he moved over to Ah-Un. Feeling nothing but a coldness coarse through her, she slumped against the tree but knew that remaining silent was the best option for both their sake. Sesshomaru lifted Rin off of the dragon's back and brought her over to nestle into Ivanna's lap before returning to Ah-Un. He loosened the straps of the saddle and let the bags and Jaken fall into a heap on the ground and the dragon walked over and laid down beside her as Jaken woke.
"My lord?" Jaken squawked in pained surprise.
"Collect some wood for a fire," Sesshomaru ordered before she watched him disappear into the forest, his steps crunching in the snow slowly fading in the distance.
"What did you do this time?" Jaken muttered as his beady eyes focused on her.
"I refused to give him answers," she whispered so not to disturb the sleeping child in her lap.
"You shouldn't withhold information from your mate," He snapped quietly, moving to collect fallen logs around the clearing.
"Do you wish for him to die?"
"N-no! What kind of question is that?"
"Lower your voice," she hissed as Rin rolled in her lap before stilling once more. "I was was brought to these lands by the fates to protect him or the west crumbles."
"Surely you mating him..."
"Was unforeseen," she interrupted as he built and lit the fire with his staff. "My words would be fatal."
"Are you so sure it wouldn't be your silence?"
"I cannot be positively anything, but if he knew, then it would put him in more danger. I'm sorry," she whispered sadly and he gave her a solemn nod.
"Then I will willingly take the brunt of his anger and trust your judgment. You have always put his safety above your own."
"Thank you, Master Jaken," she gave him a sad smile as a lone howl shattered the silence around them.
"Promise that whatever your duty is bestowed by the fates, you stay alive, Lady Ivanna."
"You know I cannot promise that, Master Jaken. You were there listening when I told Rin the truth. My pain hits stronger and the paralysis lasts longer each time it happens. This heart within me is quickly failing."
"Then why return his affection?"
"I fought as hard as I could, Master Jaken," she whimpered as another howl echoed around them, making it feel like ice daggers were stabbing her heart. "I tried to push everyone away..."
As the feeling of acid spread through her, she bit her lip to keep quiet and dug her fingers into the ground as pain radiates through her chest. A pained moan escaped her and she pressed her head into the tree behind her, trying to count her breaths to slow her body's overreaction as her ointments had been in the saddle bags. She heard Jaken let out a noise before hearing him rustle through something.
"Lady Ivanna, your ointment," she heard him beside her and opened her eyes to see him holding one of the metal tins.
She whimpered as she forced her hands to release the roots she had found in the earth and rubbed the lavender balm into the scar on her chest. Finally getting her body under control, she slumped against the tree once more and slid the tin into the hidden pocket of her kimono. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks and she brought her sleeve to cover her face, soaking the salty tears before it they would fall into the sleeping child in her lap.
"Damn it..." she muttered.
"Shall I send Ah-Un to our lord?"
"No, there's no point putting even more on him," she sighed, rubbing her eyes and lowered her arms as she halted the flow of tears. "I've managed my condition for ten years, there's nothing he'd be able to do. I only ask you help me watch over Rin..."
"Very well, my lady. I shall return with some more wood," Jaken bowed before walking into the woods but she could hear him as he moved around the area.