(A/N: Thanks always to Kazekaitou for the suggestions, massive support, contributions, and beta!
Just to note: I'll be interchanging the use of the names of Rin and Usagi. Part of it is dependent on Usagi's level of comfort or confidence, part of it may be how Makoto is thinking about her. Some of it is simply narritave.
But if you notice, there is a distinct difference of the persona of Rin as opposed to Usagi.
Mindlink/Telepathy will typically be in single quotation marks and italics. (and noted when possible).
Please review! ~TRP~)
CHAPTER #2 -
Rin paused when they got to the next intersection. She knew where Makoto's bakery was, and she knew where her old apartment was. But she had no real clue of if she lived at either of those places anymore.
Minutes before she had been planning an escapade, laughing freely at the playground or park with love and light in her heart for the first time in years.
And now?
She knew the conversation in front of them was a harsh truth on a darkened night; the hope she had lost. It was all about missteps and miscalculations of pain that ran deep. Even so, she didn't let go of Makoto's hand.
Makoto smiled and with their hands still linked, and took the lead. Fortunately, Makoto did live above the bakery.
Though she was slightly too happy to notice Rin's increasing anxiety.
They remained silent during the 20 minute walk. Rin's body began to tremble, and Makoto honestly wasn't sure if it was because she was cold, nervous, or scared as they neared her apartment door.
Entering her home, Rin gasped. It was beautiful, large, spacious, and her senses were embraced with the aroma of sandalwood rose that floated in the air. Her eyes saw a constant green from the hanging plants, along with the windowsill garden Makoto had along her kitchen windows. Small vases were strewn around the house; red roses on the kitchen table; yellow roses in the deep corners of the countertop, and a pink, yellow, and white lotus flower floating in a bowl on the coffee table.
Rin was so stunned, she forgot why she was here to begin with. She barely registered that Makoto had reluctantly let go of her hand to make tea, and gave her a large glass of water.
"Usa-" Rin immediately shook her head, beginning to do a parameter check; even though she knew the door behind her was locked.
Makoto watched her curiously, and concerned, but didn't necessarily comment. She did see the fear and at the same time, the years of fluid practice that Rin performed this potential...ritual?
"Rin-"
"No one can know. I took a huge risk telling you. Please don't tell anyone else."
Makoto gave a soft smile. When the Senshi were given upgrades, they were given serious upgrades. "I'm not sure if you can see it, but if so, see all the purple? No one will know. It's Saturn's privacy spray; it never wears off. This place is just as secure as the Time Gates." Makoto then frowned at the shudder that Usa-nay, that Rin emitted with the mention of the Time Gates.
"Good."
"You should sit. Three drinks really does-"
"Remember how I said I pretend to be drunk? I've even fooled Kokoro."
"Why?"
"I can hold my liquor. I've learned to over time. I'd, I'd just rather her keep me in check. I actually don't have a problem, but with my troubles, I know how fast the temptation can be. So, I asked that Kokoro average me out. Plus, I'm pretty sure that if she doesn't water down my drinks, she puts a lot less alcohol in it than she normally would."
"She's good like that."
"Yes she is. Don't get me wrong, I can hold my liquor, but oddly enough (karma maybe?), even a small amount and I'll have a headache the next morning, But I only pretend to be this short of out of control."
"So...What's the truth, Rin? You told me earlier you've had 5 before…"
"That's true. I asked Kokoro to let me test it out. She kept watch. Like I said, 5 is my limit."
Rin took the water and drank half of it, then set it down on the coffee table. She wasn't yet comfortable sitting.
"Rin?" Makoto asked, her eyes concerned as she saw Rin staring at her.
Rin blushed, having been caught staring. She found herself moving forward and kissing Makoto again. Makoto was kind of surprised, but she was kind of caught off guard because she still tasted a bit of the sangria on Rin's lips.
"Wait...Please? Can we talk first?"
"Why? If-If we talk, things are going to change-"
Makoto looked at her sympathetically and spoke gently. "Things...They've already changed, with what you showed me at the bar..."
"You've accepted this much of me...If I tell you any more, that's going to change. I know it will. I-I've always been good at procrastinating, yeah? Can we just not-"
But Makoto pulled away slightly. "This is going to eat you alive." She paused a moment letting her words sink in slightly before continuing. "I fear it already has started to, much more than you ever want me to understand. If we push back addressing this; whatever this is, I'm too afraid we may not last because it's gonna come between us. I don't want anything to come between us anymore. Time and space has already shoved it's way in the middle. Now, we've at least physically gotten rid of the distance. We can't really do a whole lot about the time we've lost. I want...I need to know. Who betrayed you? Surely you didn't betray us."
Rin broke the embrace completely, but still stood near her.
"Makoto please? Please? I know I mentioned a hookup, but that's not what I want. I do want to be with you. But I can't promise I'll be able to stay either. I'm not even sure why I've settled down, I-I think I just needed to see you again; to be near you, even if I've avoided you this whole time. I was okay with being able to at least loosely keep an eye on you and the others to make sure you were all safe."
"Why aren't we safe?" Makoto asked, almost ignoring the fact that Rin was close to changing the subject completely.
Rin shook her head. "I..I can't. I just have to protect you. I-I have to protect you all . I can't fail at my mission..."
"And what of mine?"
"What?"
"Mine is to protect you too. I feel like I have failed, because you left…"
"No..You never failed me, Mako. Ever. Besides, that was just your duty-"
"No. I know how you feel about duty, destiny, and obligation. I want to protect you because I want to. Not because I have to. Never because I had to."
Rin shook her head.
"Who are you protecting us from?"
"I can't say."
'Usagi. Yes you can. You are safe here. You are safe with me.'
'I know. I know I am. I don't want to let that feeling go. I know it'll disappear with the truth.'
'I highly doubt you slept with the enemy. What happened Usa? Please? Nothing will happen to you. I won't let it. I will protect you.'
"I can't let you do that. I can't let you put yourself in danger."
'Dammit, Usagi. I'm not going to leave you. I'll come with you if you want me to! '
"No! It's no life for you!"
Makoto glared. "Like it's a life for you?"
"I'm used to it."
"What do you think is gonna happen if you tell me the truth? You honestly think I'm going to leave you, or banish you away? What do you think I'm going to do to you, if you tell me the truth?"
"I don't know! But I don't want to find out! I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry, I never should have come; come over, come back, took stupid Kokoro's advice." Rin cried out, and turned to leave.
"DON'T!" Makoto shouted, causing Usagi to jump as she raced for the front door. "Don't go." Makoto requested, her tone much softer.
"Why not?" Rin asked softly, her hand and forehead rested on the back of the front door.
"Because I can't lose you again. When you first disappeared, we weren't sure if you were alive or dead. We ended up thinking you were dead, but my god we looked. We looked for you. But we just couldn't find you. We tried, we used everything we could, but nothing. We didn't know where you were, what had happened to you, who was responsible, or why. You're back now; even if you have reservations. What if you walk out that door; what if I never see you again? I can't...I can't let you go without me coming with you...Please stay. I know we're kind of arguing right now. I know you don't want to tell me what's happened, and I respect that (even if it doesn't seem that way), I just disagree. Don't go back out there, all alone, scared, and goodness knows into what conditions. Please? Whether or not we were gonna be together tonight...Usa, just let me hold you in my arms."
Rin's hand had slid to the doorknob, and her shaking was hard as she leaned against it. She tried to stifle a sob that clawed at her throat, but failed.
"I'm afraid if I leave, I won't ever see you again. That all my nightmares; all the false …'realities' that were shown to me over time will come true; that you will be dead. I've thought about it for so long as it is. So to come back, see you alive again...I just couldn't go. I'm not sure I could go again. Not...Not even when I loosely have you back in my life."
"So stay. Please, stay?"
"I don't want to fight. I don't want to go, but...Staying?"
"You've been under our noses for months. You've seemed to settle down, even a little...Please? Don't leave again. Don't leave your home...Don't leave me."
"How...How have you been?" Usagi softly asked, potentially trying to avoid the discomfort of possibly saying goodbye, but not wanting to tell Makoto she worried that she wouldn't stay."I...I see that you're successful…"
Makoto found herself chuckling. "Oh Usa, yes, I'm successful." Usagi caught Mako's slip (that may or may not have been intentional, having missed or not cared about the slip before), but she didn't correct her. "But I'm not entirely happy. I've missed you so incredibly much. The only real relationship that I've had after you was Motoki and we didn't last, because my heart wasn't in it like we both wanted. No other relationship that I tried had meaning; I began to stop caring. I honestly don't know where'd I'd be or what I'd be doing if I didn't have my bakery, or Motoki for that matter. Maybe looking for you still, but I don't know."
Both women were crying softly; with Rin attempting to hold back the wave of much heavier emotion she attempted to suppress.
"I love you." Usagi felt like her heart shattered into a bazillion little pieces with her admission.
Makoto felt like her heart would burst with joy, barely hearing Usagi's whisper.
But for all that she has said tonight, she couldn't look at the emerald eyed woman in the eyes. Usagi sensed Makoto's approach, who softly took one of her hands in hers. She didn't turn her around, or bring her into a hug; she just let Usagi be with the gentle gesture, while the woman continued to cry agasint the door.
Usagi worked to center her breathing. Hers and Makoto's breaths were the only thing heard for a few moments. Usagi slowly turned around staring at the floor.
"You don't have to tell me anything this second, except this: Do you think I will hate you because of whatever truths you hold?"
"Yes."
"Look at me."
Rin shook her head.
'Usagi?' Look at me, please?"
With heavy trepidation on her face did she lift her head to look towards green eyes.
"I may be upset by what you have to tell me, but I could not hate you. No matter how bad what you have to say is, no matter how badly you think I will, or perhaps that I should hate you. I will not. Ever. I love you too damned much to hate you because of something that happened, most likely when you were 16 years old. You were still a teenager; still a kid; we all were according to all the adults in our lives."
Usagi broke down again slightly. "I just wanna makeout."
Makoto couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, we can do that too. But I gotta know what I'm willingly jumping into, just in case our makeout session goes a little further than that."
"Why?" Usagi pleaded. "I'm a really good kisser...I guess."
Makoto grinned. "So far so good, and definitely yes if memory serves me correctly. But I gotta know why because it's part of my protection plan."
"What?" Rin's eyes flashed with alarm.
"Humor me. If I know what I'm getting into, I can act acc-"
"No! I don't want you to act any type of way!...I just want you to be Mako." Usagi started out strong, but her voice lowered.
Makoto rolled her eyes, more to herself than Usagi, as she internally said to screw it all, and she took Usagi into her arms, and kissed her lovingly before holding her in a hug. An exhausted Usagi finally let her knees give out, and clutched onto the stronger warrior that stood before her. She sobbed, with her words of fearing Makoto dead and deep sorrow barely coherent.
Makoto easily swept an arm under her knees, carrying her to the couch until she calmed. Makoto left kisses to her temple and her hair, vowing her own love right back to Usagi.
Usagi trembled, taking deep airy inhales of breath, trying to catch hers. Makoto ran her hands softly along her back, and kept her own breathing even, hoping the rhythm of both would catch on. Luckily it did, between Makoto's natural rhythm and the scent of her perfume, Usagi calmed significantly.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Usagi took deep, calming breaths, secretly inhaling what was left of Makoto's perfume.
Makto felt barely there, almost airy kisses to her neck, as if Usagi were trying to sneak them in without Mako noticing.
Usagi pulled back before Makoto could call her on it. "Mako?"
"Yeah?"
Softly did Usagi take another breath before moving forward to kiss her softly. Makoto couldn't help it, she smiled through their kiss. Usagi continued to kiss her before she ventured to her jaw.
"Rin...Ooh Rin…" Makoto said, failing to suppress a soft moan as Usagi became bolder and began to kiss her neck.
"Wait." Maoto pulled back. "At the bar...You said you tried to be a sex worker. Was that true, or was just a part of your cover?"
Usagi met her eyes, before lowering them. "That was true. Does that bother you?"
Makoto took a moment or two before answering with soft words. "I think it makes me more sad than anything else. Sad because you thought that was something you were either made to do, had to do, or at least considered doing to survive." Makoto gently held Usagi's face between both of her hands. Makoto squeezed her eyes shut, and rested her head against Usagi's. "I love you. You'll never have to work so hard to simply survive. I swear it."
Usagi reached forward for a kiss, only for Makoto to pull back and give her a look that caused Usagi to pause. Usagi looked at her unsure. Makoto grinned, as it allowed her to be the one to kiss Usagi. "I've noticed you like to steal kisses. You've been stealing them when you can."
Usagi blushed. "Guilty. So can I keep kissing you?"
"I was hoping you'd tell me the truth first..."
"Tomorrow? Please? I'll tell you tomorrow…"
"Promise?"
"I may not be the best person to make promises…I feel like all I do is break them, or will break them." Usagi looked as if she wanted to say more but refrained.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"No kissing yet. What's up?"
Usagi frowned. "I..I just want to try and forget, for one night. Just one. I just wanna be. I know I'm not necessarily U-her anymore; I've been Rin for so long." Usagi suddenly got up to pace. "I don't want to be who I used to be; and while I have no real clue who I am now, I just don't want any of my old responsibilities! I'm trying so desperately to start fresh here."
"Hang on, Usa-"
"Rin. Please, Rin."
Makoto nodded. "Rin, you are not responsible for anything here. Not your past; not what you've left behind...There is no pressure here."
"Yeah, from you."
"What?"
"What about the others?"
"No one knows who you are."
"I do...So do you."
Makoto felt the weight in her words. "Rin, I do not expect you to be who you were when you were 16."
"I just want to forget. I want to forget a lot; a lot of things, and a lot of negative feelings. And I know the more I'm opening my mouth, the more I'm giving you reason to not makeout tonight."
Makoto gave her a soft look to indicate that the last part was correct.
Usagi sighed. "Maybe I should just go-"
"Where? Home? Where's that? Where are you staying? I want you to stay here." Makoto responded urgently.
"I have a place."
"Where? I'll take you there."
"No." Usagi said defensively.
"Why not? You may be a very private person now, but it's late. You have been drinking; even if you can hold your liquor. Stay here tonight."
Usagi let her head drop. "Fine...I'll stay."
"I'm glad."
"Why are you pushing me so much for a damn truth I'm not ready to share?" Usagi practically demanded with a glare and her arms now crossed over her chest.
Makoto looked guilty. "Because I love you. Because I don't want to hurt you somehow by giving you what you ask for without knowing anything about you; about your past for...how many years of your life. I'm scared you're going to get hurt because I've accidentally done or said something that causes you pain. You want to forget yes, but I'm worried about doing or saying something that will essentially trigger the memories you're so desperately trying to keep hidden."
Usagi glared, but it eventually melted away, and she held a half smile to her face.
"What?" Makoto asked.
"You care too much."
Makoto flashed a smile, before it dropped to show concern. "And how much have you honestly missed that in and of itself?"
Usagi nodded, and looked at her with all seriousness behind her eyes. "A lot."
"Look...As much as you want to makeout tonight; as much as I want for us to makeout too...Let's take this a few steps back, okay? Let me just hold you tonight? I think maybe, you might need that more."
"Okay." Usagi conceded. Makoto took her hands in hers. "Do you want to stay in the guest room, or come to my room?"
"Yours please? If-If that's okay?"
Makoto smiled and led her across the hall. She went to her dresser and handed her a spare shirt and sweatpants.
"Thanks. I'll be right back." Usagi took them gratefully and went to the bathroom to go change, as Makoto changed herself.
When Usagi emerged, Makoto was already sitting up in bed with a book.
"Cookbook?"
Makoto chuckled. "Nah, not before bed unless it's for my own book. Trashy romance novel. They're such trainwrecks, I usually can't put it down." Makoto commented before putting her book on the nightstand. "Hop in. Want to-"
"I thought you said you can't put them down?"
"Usually. Tonight's much different. I'm not about to spend tonight reading a book I've read a thousand times over when you're here. So, want to watch a movie?"
Usagi found herself smiling. "Yeah. I'd like that. What movie?"
"You pick. They're all on demand anyway."
Usagi picked one of their favorites when they were teenagers, but was so exhausted, she fell asleep halfway through the movie.
Knowing exactly where they left off, Makoto turned off the movie, told a sleeping Usagi she loved her, and fell asleep too.
(A/N: Please Review!)