(A/N: Thanks for reading so far. Please, please review? It would really mean a lot. Thanks!
~TRP~)
Warnings: Language, High Trigger Warnings - PTSD (Definitely about 2nd half of chapter through).
Previously in Chapter #3 -
Glaring even more harshly, and knowing Makoto was 20 feet away, Usagi didn't mind giving the moon a piece of her mind (even if she wasn't about to say this out loud, or actually connect it through mindlink).
'You said you'd always be there. Where were you when I needed you the most? Where were you to help those who needed to hear me, actually listen? Where were you, while time itself felt like it stood still; you were only watching; while time laughed at me? Time...Time also went incredibly too fast for my head to wrap around yet so incredibly agonizingly slowly, I felt like I was in the worst limbo ever. You shine down on me; on all of us like you have nothing to do with anything. Yet I see you. It's kind of surprising you aren't closer with the ruler of Seas...Because we know it's you who truly controls it's tides. You shine down on all of us in the darkness; yet everything is supposed to be perfect; because of time? Tell me, what has time given me? What has time done for me?'
"I do not know how this is possible-" Rin jumped and turned to see what was at first a hologram type form, before solidifying. "But whoever you are, you have summoned me."
Rin stared wide-eyed as the Senshi of Time stood before her.
The Senshi of Time also stared wide-eyed at this redheaded, brown eyed woman. She actually wasn't sure where she was due to the darkness. She gazed around the room in an attempt to determine her location. In the dim light, Makoto's kitchen was unrecognizable to the Senshi.
"Who are you?" The redhead spoke out of surprise.
"My name is Sailor Pluto. A Senshi. The Protector of Time. Tell me, what disturbs you about time so much when it is what helps life move forward?"
"What about standing still?"
"It only feels like it stands still. It only ever literally stands still when I command it."
"You have that power? To command time to stop?"
"I do."
"And to command who can function within that...stoppage of time or not?"
"I can, both for a very short time, but I can."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you make time literally stop?"
"It is dependent on multiple factors, none of which you are privileged to know. It is against the laws of the galaxy to stop time itself, but I have; for the greater good. But my death is the consequence. "
Rin paused, looking at the Senshi. From her long boots, to slender fingers around the Garnet Rod, to the unreadable face and dark eyes. "But there are so many awful things that happen..." she trailed off. She didn't want to talk about this with Setsuna of all people, especially not right now.
"I know. Terrible things happen when I don't stop time. But I can't save everyone. As for what someone may consider or term a 'miracle', there are only certain ones I am able to perform."
She didn't know. Usagi knew this. "Tell me Protector of Time, has there ever been an event you wish you could stop time for?" Usagi tried to keep her voice light, and did well to keep the sarcasm out of her voice, but she certainly felt it.
"A few times," came her stoic, calm reply, revealing nothing.
"You are a protector; a Senshi; a warrior, yes? Do you have a team?"
"I do, yes."
"Do you regret ever not stopping time for your team?" Usagi inched closer towards the truth.
On one hand, Usagi knew Setsuna 99.9% didn't know the truth, her actual truth, but she always wondered...
"Yes, also a few times."
"Why didn't you?"
"The laws wouldn't allow me."
"But did the laws allow you during the times you did stop time?"
"No, but the circumstances were right. Regardless, my survival was a surprise. It will not happen again."
"What were they? What are the correct circumstances in order to be allowed to stop time?" Usagi was legitimately intrigued, wondering if there was a real answer or not.
"I am not at liberty to say, and again, you are not privileged to that information."
'Apparently there are 'correct circumstances'. Okay then.' Usagi thought to herself, before speaking again. "Do you have a leader?"
"We do. What business is this of yours?" Setsuna hand shifted on her staff, eyeing the redhead for danger.
Rin didn't flinch. "Public knowledge, is it not? I'm new to town. Tell me, what's her name?"
Pluto moved into a battle ready stance, imposing with clear dislike. "Who are you, and why do you want to know?"
"You want to know my issues with time? I want to know who you consider your leader."
"Currently and at leitum: Sailor Phoenix."
"Oh? At leitum, why?" 'Who is that?' Rin thought to herself, not really caring at the moment.
"Honorably: Sailor Moon. She was our first leader."
"Hm, well what happened to her?" She really didn't expect Pluto to answer.
"Dead or disappeared a number of years ago."
"'Or disappeared'?"
"She didn't get along with a number of us for a few months before she disappeared or died. There's no evidence either way." If Usagi didn't know Setsuna as well as she did, she would have missed the almost minute change in emotion in Setsuna's eyes.
Did...Did Setsuna actually miss her? It felt like a terrible thought for Usagi to have about the Time Lordess, but the thought did exist.
"Why not?"
"Is that really your business?" Came the almost harsh comeback. Setuna was once again replaced with Pluto, whose eyes showed little emotion, and she, like Haruka, could be considered cold.
"You are the one who said she didn't get along with a number of you. It's only natural I am curious now and want to know why."
"We had some disagreements," Pluto replied, nonchalantly.
"Enough to where you didn't get along. Was your leader speaking with you?"
Something stirred Makoto from her sleep. When she opened her eyes, Usagi was not next to her.
Pluto glared, and bit back a scathing reply of what she thought of her former leader.
"We both-she had some...growing to do."
"Oh? About?" Rin knew she was pushing the envelope, but if she could just dig, maybe she could get Setsuna to reveal why, why she seemed to hate her so much just because she made a different choice with regards to her own future.
Hearing voices, Makoto consciously remembered that the redheaded woman was Rin. Makoto got out of bed, and walked towards where she heard the now familiar voices.
"We aren't here to talk about me or my team. We're here to talk about your distrust with time." Setsuna's voice was clipped. She had realized she had said too much, and brought the conversation back around.
"What's going on out here? Setsuna? What are you doing here?" Mako asked, still partially groggy.
The woman now known as Setsuna to this perfect stranger glared at Makoto, but didn't correct her, nor picked up on the stranger's name. "I was summoned but I don't know how or why. All I know is she distrusts time."
"Hasn't done much for me."
Setsuna wasn't sure if she was intrigued by this stranger or still somewhat suspicious. "Why do you feel so strongly, or even mistrustful when time is good?"
"Is it? How is it good when you live with pain? Explain that." Rin crossed her arms in front of her chest, glaring.
Makoto, to her credit, let this argument happen. She sat on the arm of the couch to mediate if needed.
Setsuna was displaying the calm demeanor she has been known for. "Hurt, pain, unfortunate things let you know you're alive and allow you to understand the good-"
"Good? There is more bad out there than good."
"It's about equal."
'Of course she would say that…' Rin muttered to Makoto. "Whatever. What caused your 'honorary' leader to not talk to you anymore?"
"Honorary? Setsuna!" Makoto admonished.
"It's none of your business," Setsuna said to Rin, ignoring Makoto completely.
Makoto paled, realizing she had called her by her name. "Her, or their team's leader-I'm a family friend…" Makoto left out her Sailor name entirely, not willing to tip Setsuna off, nor incur her wrath for revealing she herself was a Senshi, too (even if this 'total stranger' to Setsuna knew the truth the entire time). "...she wasn't talking to a number of them because...Well, simplistically, she was told she had a destiny. She felt differently about that destiny and wasn't afraid nor ashamed to let us (including me) know that."
"Makoto!" Setsuna scolded equally.
"Who is she going to tell? Seriously, Sets."
"You trust too damn easily. Who is she to you anyway? Why is she here this late at night?"
Makoto rolled her eyes. "None of your business." She turned to Rin. "Don't mind her. She's cranky. She doesn't get out much." Makoto flashed a sarcastic smile Setsuna's way, not caring about the Senshi's reaction.
Rin snorted in amusement. "Looks like it. So, my guess is that because your friend didn't like her destiny and chose to do something different, you guys didn't like it?"
"Don't." Makoto shook her head. "Don't get Setusna started, trust me. It's a waste of hot air from her. But for U...for their leader, it was very important."
Setsuna was surprised that Makoto almost said their leader's name. Makoto barely ever said Usagi's name anymore.
Makoto was attempting to prevent a Setsuna rant, knowing the woman who was secretly defending herself really didn't need to hear the still strong stance against want, or free will vs. destiny this many years later.
"And that was the difference," Rin stated, agreeing with the last part of Makoto's sentence.
Why would this stranger agree with Makoto about Usagi? "You know her?" Setsuna demanded, though her voice didn't yet raise.
"Knew her, yes. I don't know where she is. She had a lot to say; very few things brought her joy. What hurt her most was that not many took into consideration what she had to say; what she wanted." Rin couldn't help the note of frustration in her voice.
Makoto sighed. 'Cue the tempers rising…' She thought to herself and that was about Usagi.
"She didn't know what she wanted," Setsuna stressed.
'And Setsuna...Oh boy…'
Rin glared. "Who the hell are you to judge that? Yes she did know what she wanted, and if she didn't know exactly what she wanted, she certainly knew what she didn't want. She knew who she didn't love."
Any residual grogginess was long gone as Makoto practically saw the tension in Rin's body as she emphasized her words.
"Don't." Makoto almost said Usagi's fake name too, but didn't want to give Sets leverage. She shook her head again. "Just spare you and I both, please."
Setsuna glared. Makoto ignored her.
"How was she, when you saw her?" Setsuna asked.
"Truthfully? Miserable, and not because you were right either… Even if she did have doubts. She was alone, scared, and hurting. Yet she had this… grit about her. Some might say it's pride or ego, that she couldn't let go of. But honestly it's just her will to live; her own resilience."
'That I don't usually recognize…' Usagi said privately to Makoto.
'I love you.' Makoto replied back. "How bad?" Makoto asked.
Rin closed her eyes. "She's suffering."
"If she would come home-" Setsuna began.
"Last I spoke to her, she can't. She's in danger. And she's not ready to face anyone."
"Danger? From who?" Setsuna asked.
"The one who betrayed her. He swore her to secrecy, but she told me; convinced I'd have no one to tell. Or maybe she knew I would...I don't know. But she's scared."
"He? She give you a name?"
"No. But she said he was her biggest regret in befriending."
"Other than family, Usagi was only ever friends with four men in her life. One was her childhood best friend, another is Motoki, the third was her ex-fiance-"
"Ex-boyfriend. They never got engaged," Makoto pointed out.
"Yes-"
"Not before he went off to school, no. They did not." Makoto clarified, silently daring Setsuna to argue against their current present.
"Fine. ex-boyfriend, and the other is a good friend she made when her ex went to school in the States."
Makoto initially wanted to say 'when Usagi thought Mamoru was dead,' but that wasn't going to add to anything. She then latched on to exactly who Setsuna was referring to, and Makoto practically felt Rin tense again, and the anxiety course through her body.
'Rin?' Mako asked through mindlink.
Rin's lips moved as if she was trying to get ready to speak, but she couldn't.
Setsuna caught her hesitation. "Seiya? Him? He'd never hurt her. Sure he liked her, but he was her friend; her ally. He's an ally to all of us."
Makoto did all she could not to stare at Rin for her reaction, hearing his name actually said aloud.
But Rin was almost stoic, steeling her body in reply. Her voice was void of emotion other than a cough to clear her throat. "I hear you're not calling him your friend?"
"Ally, yes, but more of an acquaintance. He's been looking for her just as long as we have. He cares about her. He hasn't had any leads."
"Who are you going to believe? Him, who hasn't seen her in just as long as the rest of you have (at least from what he says), or me, who has seen her more recently than any of you have combined?"
"Do you know where she is then? Produce her!"
"If all of you combined with all of your superpowers can't find her, let alone convince her to come home, then how do you think I could? But that's not the point, I do not know where she is. Even if I did, it's not like I'd tell you. If she wanted to expose her whereabouts or where she was, I'm sure she would've made contact directly with you. If she didn't or hasn't, perhaps you need to reexamine your own role in her disappearance."
"Who do you think you are? Don't you dare blame me!" Pluto roared.
Makoto kept her mouth shut to keep from smiling. She was impressed. It was rare that this particular Senshi lost her temper, and even when she did, 'Dead Scream' was said as if a whispering caress to a lover.
"Awfully defensive, aren't you? Sucks, doesn't it? Ironic, you can't take even a small ounce of responsibility or criticism, yet she took the piles of blame and ridicule from everyone else for years. She never felt she was good enough to be a princess, or your leader, or any of it because everyone except a select few caused/contributed to her feeling that way," Rin countered, no longer caring much about her own temper.
Makoto held her breath, expecting Setsuna to pick up on Rin's slip up. But at the same time, Setsuna could have very well believed that Usagi spilled the beans of being a princess. Luckily, Setsuna missed it.
"She was a child!" Setsuna exclaimed, a flame beginning to spark in her eyes.
"EXACTLY! She was a child, a 16 year old girl who had superpowers given to her by a magical cat merely 2 years earlier! A child who was thrust into magic, into monsters, into the responsibility of a superhero who had to defend a kingdom's legacy from long ago, and was then told she needed to take responsibility for a future kingdom of that long-ago princess! She was shown all of that at 14! She was still in eighth grade, in middle school! Does no one recognize the absurdity and impossibility of it all?! Whose responsibility exactly was it to show all of that to her in one giant sitting, rather than in little pieces at times when it was much more age-appropriate?! Tell me that?!"
The fire was further ignited high behind garnet eyes. "We tried to give it to her in small pieces, as it came to her memory!"
"Did you ever tell her how to rule; like, actually how instead of just generalizations of expectations? Did you ever listen to her? Ever hear what she wanted in all of this?"
"She wouldn't listen! It didn't matter-"
"Yes it did." Makoto added, just loud enough to be heard.
"Makoto-" Setsuna began to turn.
"Don't get mad at her! She was one of the two constants in Usagi's life that heard her. Heard what she wanted. Or, better yet, didn't want." Makoto was kind of surprised that Rin said her own name.
"Because they were sleeping-"
Makoto didn't have to lunge for Setsuna. Rin did it for her. Makoto gasped as Rin slapped Setsuna across the face. "They never got that far, not that it's your business! If you had paid attention to either of them, you would have seen how fucking cautious Usagi was! What is it going to actually take for you to not only listen to anything Usagi wanted, but hear her?" Rin fumed, before stepping back and taking a few deep breaths as she felt Makoto's hand lightly on her shoulder. "I think we're done here."
"If Usagi comes to you -"
"I told you who to ask. Ask him. He knows more than he lets on." Rin turned to Makoto. "I'm sorry." Makoto watched as Rin walked into the guest room instead of her room.
"Why that-"
"Leave Setsuna."
"But-"
"No. You've caused enough trouble tonight. Go. I will contact you if, and only if, Rin is ready to speak with you."
Setsuna shook her head and disappeared, and Makoto immediately went to the guest room.
"Rin? Honey?" She tried the door but it was locked. "Rin? Setsuna's gone. Can you let me in?"
Makoto heard the click of the lock, before the door was pulled open and Rin barrelled herself into Makots arms in tears. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry...I just didn't want it to eat me alive…I was just so angry...I was angry at the moonlight...I didn't expect to summon her. But when she showed up, I just...I had to say something, even if she wasn't going to listen…"
"It's okay. It's okay."
"I'm sorry I hit her-"
"You're excused….What did he do?"
"Huh?"
"Him. What did he do?"
Makoto was slightly confused when she saw a shimmer of light, but from what she could tell, nothing had changed about Usagi's appearance.
Usagi sighed. She was worried, but knew Makoto would at least hear her out.
Usagi pulled down her shirt collar to reveal something new.
Makoto's eyes narrowed. "My guess is there is more. You wouldn't have ran out of fear if it was just one-Wait, you still have it?"
"What? This?" (Rin fluttered her fingers over the #4 pendant that Makoto had given her for Christmas before she left). "Yeah. It...it's what kept me going...I'm not sure what I'd do if I lost it. As for your guess, yes, you're right." Usagi said softly, before taking a deep breath, and before Makoto could comment, took out her disguise pen and clicked it.
Usagi was now with mussed short blonde hair, hollow blue eyes, and defined cheekbones.
Makoto's eyes widened and then softened. "No offense, you look terrible."
Usagi couldn't help but laughed. "Yeah, I know. Thanks."
Usagi was ready to lift up her shirt, but hesitated.
Makoto met her eyes. "I told you, I'm not going to leave."
Usagi shook her head, clicked her pen again, and looked away.
"I'm sorry. I can't. I just can't...Not this much. Not yet."
"Rin-"
"U-Rin-Yeah?" Usagi focused on the steadiness behind Makoto's voice.
"When you're ready, you can show me. You do not have to do it today."
The redhead nodded. "Th-that offer to hold me...That's still...valid?"
Makoto heard the hesitancy in her voice, wondering if she was searching for particular phrases that would not equate to a possible double meaning (even if they were common phrases).
Makoto smiled, kissing her forehead. "That offer will never expire."
Makoto brought Usagi back to bed and held her securely in her arms.
Both were light sleepers. But apparently the conversation with Setsuna tonight drained Rin more than she would have liked to admit.
Usagi was dreaming, and for the first time in a long time, it was a good dream.
She kept her red hair, but let her blue eyes show. She and Makoto were home on a hot summer day; Usagi was dressed in a spaghetti strapped tank top and shorts, and Makoto had somehow convinced her to let her massage her back.
Usagi was feeling brave, and asked if Makoto would be okay if she let some things Makoto hadn't yet seen appear. Makoto gave a warm smile and a nod.
Makoto certainly didn't have to, but put on spa music to help Usagi relax; even fall asleep if she chose. A blanket rested at her waist, and over her legs.
She swore she felt Makoto's hand on her shoulder, unsure if she was being gently shaken awake or not. She must have dozed off with Makoto's work.
She heard Makoto ask what someone was doing there, slightly groggy but clearly protective. Usagi opened her eyes, and glanced around to see Setsuna and Seyia and bolted to sit before she threw the blanket that was falling from her chest over her head and curled her body tightly. Feeling Makoto next to her, she realized she was no longer dreaming.
"We came here to clear things up from last night," came Setsuna's no-nonsense voice. Both women could already tell she was not about to have a repeat from last night if the Keeper of Time could help it.
"So that gives you the right to barge into my home, my room, unannounced anytime you want?! How about you call first, and knock like an adult! What the hell!?" Makoto countered. She had instinctively leaned towards Rin.
"I hear your bedmate is spreading rumors about me?" Seiya glared, arrogance seeping from his voice.
"Get the fuck out! You want answers, maybe I can give them to you. But get out of my room. Now." Makoto let her symbol shine steady on her forehead.
Setsuna rolled her eyes. "Fine. We'll wait. Let's go, Seiya."
Seiya arched an eyebrow, looking judgmentally at the body cowering and covered next to the Senshi on Thunder. "I'd choose better, Mako. You really are looking for someone to save-"
"OUT!" Makoto felt bad that she felt Rin jump next to her. Luckily her fists were by her waist, and Makoto relaxed her hand nearest Rin. She wanted to search for her hand, but she didn't have to because Rin found it first and held it tightly.
The door closed, and Makoto turned her body. "RIn?"
"How? Why is he here? Why did she do this? I - I can't go out there. I don't want to, but I think I need to." Rin said, not moving the blankets from over her head.
Makoto gave a sympathetic smile, before gently beginning to uncover her head from the comforter.
"I'd love to say you do not have to. I personally don't think you do. At the same time, this can't come from me. This was a conversation you had with Pluto, and it's not fair for me to speak for you when I don't know what you have or want to say."
"But to face them both?" Usagi asked in a small voice.
"I'm going to be right there next to you." She raised their joined hands up. "You squeeze my hand as hard or as long as you want if it makes you feel better okay?"
"Why did she do this?"
"I don't know. I guess we'll find out… We probably shouldn't have them wait any longer."
Usagi shook her head.
"I know you don't want to do this…"
"I don't feel good."
"I know. I'll take care of you."
"This really sucks."
"It does."
Rin sighed, squeezed her eyes shut against a sob and took a deep breath, getting out of bed. She looked herself over, realizing she was in long sleeves. "Mako?" She asked, pulling her collar down.
"Nothing there." Makoto said with a smile as she got out of bed too, and noticed the look of relief on Rin's face.
Usagi grabbed Makoto's hand, who in return gave a soft squeeze.
'I want to run..Really, really badly…' She admitted through mindlink.
'I have no doubt…' Makoto replied sympathetically, but gave no indication of what she felt or wanted Rin to do.
'This is so much worse than the flashback the other day…'
'I know.'
'But I can't run...At least not now because I feel so selfish.'
'Selfish about what? Why?'
"I, there's just this part of me that doesn't want to leave you… I don't want to leave because of how…. protected you make me feel.'
'You will never lose that. So long as you have that pendent, you'll have me.'
Usagi gave the smallest of smirks. 'Sweetest statement ever said.' Usagi looked at the closed doorway, took a deep breath, and began forward, face hardened into grim determination. Makoto had seen that look on Usagi's face before during the worst of battle, the grim determination to move forward that was equally terrifying and impressive.
"Wow, Kino, you really did choose below your-" Seiya said with a whistle as he got an entire look at the redhead.
"If you're going to insult anyone, there's the door. Hope it hits you on your way out." Makoto growled, pointing to the door. "What do you want?"
Rin could have sworn she felt the pendent Makoto had given her began to warm her body. "They wanted to clear things up, right?" Rin's voice wavered at first.
"Yeah, heard you were spreading rumors about me."
"Rumors? No. They're not rumors if they're true."
"Says who?"
"Says Usagi!" Rin stated, her eyes narrowing.
"Like you can believe her. You don't even know her!" Seiya commented.
"You do?!" Rin countered, doing her best not to step forward. "Tell us, what's she like?"
Seiya stepped forward, only for Makoto to block him. "Don't even think about it."
"Seiya, we're here to talk, not fight," Pluto reminded him.
"I'll fight anyone who is slandering my name."
"Told you, it's not slander. I believe Usagi. Seems like nobody else really did, with the exception of a few."
"What did she tell you?"
"Rather than start with what she said, what do you think she said? What do you think Usagi could possibly have to say about Seiya Kou?"
Makoto bit the inside of her lip hard to keep from smiling. Rin was attempting to corner him, and was doing a fantastic job.
"Tell us, Kou. What are you so fucking afraid and defensive of? What does Usagi have on you?"
"Nothing."
"So why are you so scared-"
"I'm not scared!"
"Why are you yelling?" Rin asked, managing to keep her voice calmer.
"Because I'm pissed! A complete stranger comes to town and starts spreading rumors about me based on someone you don't even know, and Kino, you believe it because why? She supposedly knows Usagi? Is the sex that good? From her?"
"Enough, Rin!" Pluto commanded placing her staff in front of Rin to prevent her from lunging at him. So apparently she did remember her name.
"Rin...It's okay-" Makoto said, trying to deescalate the situation, even if she was not happy either.
"No, it's not!"
"Setsuna, why did you tell him?" Makoto asked.
"I thought he should know, or at least be made aware."
"Besides, what would you know?"
"From Usagi? A lot. Setsuna, is it? You must be Seiya's friend then."
"She is."
"I told you that last night."
"Funny. She said you were an ally, more of an acquaintance, not a friend. I didn't think we'd be telling the acquaintances any suspicions we may have of them, until something is confirmed or disproven."
"They are rumors, nothing more!" Seiay roared, causing Rin to jump.
"Again, how are they rumors when I've heard them from the source; from Usagi herself?"
"Whatever she's told you; lies, not important. And you need to keep your mouth shut."
"Why would she have reason to lie? And why do I need to keep quiet if they are so unimportant and lies, as you say? Afraid someone may just actually believe her? Tell us, what are you hiding?"
Seiya glared harshly. He moved forward again to intimidate her, but Makoto was right there with her arms crossed over her chest.
"Step off, Kou."
"Tell us the lies she's told you."
"No. It's not my story to tell. It's hers, and apparently whatever your involvement is. So tell us, how are you involved?
"I've done nothing! They call me arrogant? How dare you accuse me! I love her!"
"I've still given you no reason to yell." Rin spoke softly, crossing her arms in front of her body. "Tell me, what's your definition of love? I'm curious to know how much it differs from Usagi's view."
"I do not have to stand here and take this!"
"You were the one who barged in. You weren't welcome," Makoto said, with an eyebrow arched.
"I'll be watching you. Especially you," Seiya threatened, pointing to Rin. "Thank you for keeping me in the loop, Setsuna."
Seiya stormed out of the apartment.
Makoto leveled Setsuna with a glare. "That was not a good move, Setsuna. Rin's right! Since when do we make our suspicions known?"
"He is a fr-"
"An ally! You said that last night. He certainly is no friend of mine. He's only an ally because I tolerate him and because of his original loyalty," Makoto said.
"He's still an ally."
"Not to me."
Setsuna rolled her eyes. "He deserved to know that a perfect stranger was trying to throw him under the bus. A perfect stranger who only claims herself to know Usagi."
"I wouldn't know as much as I do if I didn't know her, don't you think? And, you must realize that Seiya is awfully defensive."
Setsuna looked at Rin carefully before nodding. "Fair enough." Setsuna sighed. "I must go. We'll discuss this at the next meeting, Makoto."
Setsuna disappeared.
They waited in silence for a solid three minutes; well Rin did, silent and frozen.
"Rin-" Makoto had to brace herself in order to not fall back with her, as Rin flung herself in her arms, wordless and in tears. "Come on...We're going back to bed; you need to sleep," Makoto murmured, guiding her back to the bedroom. They sat on Makoto's bed, and Mako wrapped the comforter around Rin.
Rin had not removed her arms around Makoto's neck as she cried.
"You're safe now. You're safe. I'm here. He's gone. He's gone."
"How could she tell him!?"
"It was a beyond stupid move."
"He was here, Mako…"
"I know-"
Rin began to shake, and suddenly got up and started to pace.
"Rin-"
"He was here! In your apartment! Mako...Mako, he looked at me like I was his fucking prey. Just like..."
"Rin, honey, please? Take some slow, deep breaths for me, okay? Please?"
"Mako, he took me to that barn and…"
Rin stood still and began to break. Makoto stood and approached her, ready to hold her. But Rin pushed her away and began to walk, anywhere and everywhere, within the apartment, Makoto following close behind.
Everytime Mako thought Rin would stop, she'd start up again. Every time Makoto thought Rin would open up, would talk no matter if it made sense or not, Rin would clam up. She would mumble various words while Makoto attempted to string together sentences.
Everytime Makoto attempted to clarify, Rin would turn on her heel and walk away.
It was 9:30am when Setsuna and Seiya left. It was now nearing 11am.
"Rin-"
"Why'd she bring him? Why was she cruel enough to do that!?"
"Honey, she didn't know-"
"I know but…I gotta go…"
"No! Please don't go. I know you are absolutely terrified, but it'll be worse out there, and I think you get that. Stay with me where I can keep an eye on you; where I can protect you. I love you."
It may have sounded desperate as hell, but Makoto's words weren't any less honest.
Without a reply, Usagi grabbed Makoto's hand and brought her into the bathroom, shutting the door.
Rin took almost gasping breaths. Makoto was half tempted to kiss her just to try and regulate her inhale and exhale of breath.
Makoto saw how she clutched the disguise pen in her shaking hand.
She clicked it and looked into forest green eyes from her cerulean blue.
"Rin?" Makoto whispered.
Taking another breath, Usagi lifted her shirt above her head to reveal a halter top bra. Makoto got to really see the mark from last night - a harsh scar - for what it was; even if it had faded some with time.
"You ready?" Usagi asked.
"Are you?"
"Nope."
"Then neither am I," Makoto said in solidarity.
"I guess on 3 then, yeah?"
Makoto shrugged, but could tell Usagi counted in her head. Makoto gasped when she turned around.
"Usagi…"
"I knew it. You hate-"
"-the scars. I hate who inflicted them. I do not hate you. Seiya did this?!" She knew he said his name aloud, but right now, Usagi was reacting to a bit of everything and still coming down from the events from this morning.
"Yes," Usagi whispered, wrapping her arms around herself, hearing his name come from Makoto. "H-he also wanted to be Chibiusa's father."
Makoto reached out but realized her temper was flaring and her grip would have been harsh had she not paused. She took a few deep breaths. "Can I hold you? Just like this?"
"You want to?"
"Very much."
Apprehensively, Usagi did let Makoto hold her, skin, scars, and all.
"He will never hurt you again, I swear it. I'm so sorry he did this. I'm so sorry I wasn't there."
"You were."
"What?"
"I, I think maybe I didn't give up as quickly because of you, because I knew you'd want me to fight; you'd encourage me to fight," Usagi said, her fingers grazing over the necklace she wore.
"Usa.." Usagi was well in tears, and Makoto unabashedly joined her.
"It was really bad…" Usagi said softly, after a good half an hour at least of them sitting on the bathroom floor crying.
Makoto glanced at the scars that crept up on her shoulders, before kissing Usagi's forehead and softly turning her around in her lap to inspect her scars.
Makoto shook her head, taking a few deep breaths, and holding back tears.
She knew it was too soon, but Makoto wanted to ask if she could touch them; she wanted to ask if she could run her hands up and down her back; she wanted to ask, maybe, if she could even kiss Usagi's scars.
"How are you feeling?" Was what she asked instead.
"Scared. Exposed. Vulnerable."
"Even with me?"
"Yeah."
"I love you."
"That's part of it, I think. You love me now, but as soon as what you're seeing, and everything else, sinks in…"
"I'm not going to leave ."
"You say that now, but who's to say that you'll feel the same in a week, a month, 3 months-"
"Rin," Makoto turned her around again to face her. "I wasn't there to protect you then, but I sure as hell am here now. I'm not leaving you. You've already been brave enough to show me this much. You've been brave enough to face him, tell him off practically, and you did that without any kind of prompting. That was you, and no one else." Makoto left a soft, lingering kiss to her forehead, then rested her head against the blonde. "You are strong. You are brave. And you've always had my heart. Don't give it back to me."
It was Usagi who kissed first; soft tears rolled down her face and her hands rested on Makoto's cheeks. But Usagi broke down and cried onto her shoulder. "I've been so incredibly conflicted."
Makoto smiled. Usagi was always thinking about something.
"Conflicted about what?"
"It's too soon."
"For what? For who?"
"Both of us. Sorry...I'm being rational again."
"Rational is good."
"I keep going back and forth. I mean you were looking for a hookup-"
"That's all over with. It was before I knew who you were. I want to be with you. Whenever we get to a new stage in our relationship, we'll be on the same page."
"But I want to do more. I-I-I want to take some of that recklessness and just…" Usagi blushed deeply. "Like I said, I wanna makeout; maybe do more."
"But would it be because you want to forget the last few hours?" Makoto asked, her voice soft, closer to a whisper.
"That's what's conflicting. I don't want to use you just to make myself feel better…But I know part of me would feel better. I trust you. I know you'll take care of me. You've always listened to me,.I don't think that's changed in the last number of years... or will change?"
"It won't," came the brunette's definitive answer.
"What happens when I freak out?" Usagi looked at her as if challenging her.
"We take things as slowly as you want. I don't think it's a good idea to jump into bed. Maybe if we keep it at a makeout level. But there is no rushing into anything. I'm not going anywhere, and if you feel you need to leave that badly, I'm coming with you. I can't let that be negotiable. I love you too much. I can't lose you again."
Usagi felt emotionally defeated and rested her head on Makoto's shoulder.
(A/N: Please review! ~TRP~)