「So let's say we go with your second theory for now, Anshin'in, because the third… admittedly, won't be of much use to us. What's the implications of it?」
"I would still be going with the third, as it's far too convenient for me to have… certain skills unsuppressed in this situation. Nevertheless, you are right. In a practical sense, we should be assuming the second theory… god, that is gonna be annoying in the future. Hey, Himiko?"
"Yes, Anchan?"
"Could you brainstorm some better names for the concepts I just laid out?"
"Alright! But only if you promise to give me a cup of blood! I can survive off Micchan's, but I'd… well… it'd mean a lot to me! That's all!"
"Himiko, I was going to give you some anyways." Himi grinned brightly. "I'll have a dissertation on metareality and our current situation done by tonight, feel free to peruse it if you forget anything from last night. Speaking of, Misogi, your gear person. Mother. How good of an inventor are they?"
「Extremely. Mad scientist type, and a prodigy at that. Like if Tony Stark were a hyperactive pinkette with no sense of boundaries.」
"Great, set up an appointment with her for tonight. We'll need her help for this, most of my specialized intelligence skills are on the fritz, and that includes Engie."
「You never answered my initial question.」
"Correct. I was saving it for last. It's simple. In terms of the second theory, we attempt to have CUSO apply as much as humanly possible, as to not induce an unstable composite reality that would undergo instant decay. In terms of the third theory, we stick to canon as far as we can. We find the source material's canon protagonist, and never interact with them. If, by chance, I'm correct and we've already interacted with them, thereby causing a butterfly effect, we stick by them and make sure they stay on the closest path to canon that we can railroad them through."
It was the first day of Izuku's third year, and he was eating lunch with Kumagawa-kun…
And, rather surprisingly, Ajimu Najimi.
「Midoriya-kun! Remember when I talked about love!」 He definitely did. It was the first major thing he actually shared unprompted with him.
"Yeah? You said something along the lines of…" What was it again? "You've fallen in love three times, only one of your former interests will speak to you? I fail to see how it's relevant."
A beat of silence.
Kumagawa-kun and Ajimu-san looked each other in the eyes like they shared a… mutual… secret…
Oh.
"Ohhhhh. What? Why?! I thought you two were on bad terms?" He thought aloud.
Kumagawa-kun was currently very invested in inhaling his onigiri, so Ajimu-san answered for him.
"We're on great terms. He's just an asshole." She smirked. "Pleased to meet you. I've heard good things. I'm Ajimu Najimi, but my friends-"
「Fuck you too, Anshin'in.」 Kumagawa-kun said in-between bites.
"Like I was saying." She leveled a glare at Kumagawa-kun. "My friends call me Anshin'in, so please call me Anshin'in."
It took a moment for her words to fully register.
"Wait, you want to be friends with me? Why? I'm quirkless."
"I don't concern myself with the opinions of eugenicists." She sharply intoned.
"Then you'll fucking hate it here, heh." He… definitely mumbled that out loud, given the amused look on Anshin'in-san's face… and was that pride in Kumagawa-kun's eyes? No… must be something else…
"As I've been informed. I'm partly here on a favor from this prick-" She pointed at Kumagawa-kun. "-to run interference against the brewing hate crime from the Destro Youth this institution calls 'future heroes.'" Something in him felt that was an unfair comparison. He was about to speak- "I'm also here because I've heard some good things about you from Misogi. So I want to get to know you, and maybe lend a hand with training. It's admittedly selfish, but life has been pretty boring for a while, so I guess I felt it was time to spice things up. I hope you'll have me."
Ah.
It just registered that a girl was interested in… him. "Um- uh- y- wh- y- Sure! Ifyou'llhaveme!" He sputtered out, flushed red.
Kumagawa-kun flashed him a thumbs up.
「MEI-CHAN! I'M HERE!」 Misogi called out to the pile of scrap in front of him.
If she fell asleep in the scrap pile again, he was taking her to get a tetanus check-up, consent need not apply.
It was just him. Anshin'in refused to come, as she said she got bad vibes from the event or something. Himi was in class.
「And yet, it was Anshin'in who dropped the essay on me. Funny how that works.」
"One second!" The pile of scrap responded.
Three seconds later, a blur of pink covered in grease stains and soot popped out of the pile.
"Smiley-kun! My favorite customer! What can I do for you today! Lasers? Bombs? Laser bombs! Ooh, laser bombs! I wanna make a laser bomb!" The manic pinkette babbled.
「No laser bombs today, sorry!」 She pouted. 「Instead… I have something to give you! A friend of mine wrote it. She wanted to see what you could do with it.」
"Ooh! A request list?" He shook his head. "Then what is it?"
He pulled the… hundred page dissertation out of his backpack, holy shit Anshin'in. Did she have a fucking essay padding skill or something? Wait, he had a job to do, right.
He held it out to Mei. 「For you!」 She snatched it out of his hands.
"-are astounding! I want to meet the author of this dissertation! I have so much to discuss with them! This could change the scientific model as we know it!"
Hatsume Mei had just exited her two-hour fugue-state of information internalization, and was currently… extremely excited. Even for her.
"Smiley-kun! Are you really from an alternate universe?! Show me All Fiction! Show me show me show me!"
He sighed. Anshin'in was right. This had bad vibes.
He focused.
「I just made the grease stains and soot on you into nothing. Mei-chan, you've gotta take more showers, I won't do this again.」
"WOOOOOOW! It's really just… gone! Quirks are bound to conservation of matter! This… changes… EVERYTHING! SMILEY-KUN! DO I HAVE A LATENT ABNORMALITY? DO I? DO I?!" She was up in his face. The crosshairs in her eyes were crystal clear from this distance.
「I'm not the person to ask about this.」 He'd honestly be surprised if she didn't, but she didn't need any false hope.
"Then let me join your vigilante team! Officially!" What?
「What? Mei, you want to go to Yuuei. This could ruin your future. You don't need to join The Alleycats to meet with the author of this dissertation.」
"So that's what you're calling it now? Not the reason. You owe me for not letting me make laser bombs." Not how that works, but okay. "I'm bored. This is interesting. Things get interesting around you. Let me join your team! I want to test my babies myself out on the field! And if I'm gonna be helping you with this, there's data that I have to get in-person. I'm already an accomplice. I'm too deep already. I want in! Pretty please?"
He hated to admit it, but under her… somewhat cluttered rant, she had a point.
…
「…Fine.」 She lit up. 「But Anshin'in, Himi and I are going to teach you how to act before you even step foot into the field. You have too many identifiable eccentricities. Eraserhead-san will be able to pick you out the second you walk into the support exam. Once we are sure you will be able to keep your identity under wraps in the field, we'll take you for a couple test patrols.」 He said, through gritted teeth.
She tackle-hugged him. "THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Oh my gosh I've been waiting for this for so long I've been so jealous of all the stories you have of using my babies that I don't even get to see and I finally get to see my babies and test my babies and use my babies in the field oh my gosh you don't know how much this means to me thank you Misogi thank you thank you thank you!" Huh. So she did know his name…
That's… a rather nice feeling, he supposed. Mei barely remembered anyone's names. So in a way, he was special.
Ah, his cheeks were warm.
「Dammit, brain, not again.」
「… so this is the newest… trial member… of the Alleycats.」
"MEIMEI!" She glomped the new recruit. "You're finally a full-fledged member! This is so exciting! We're gonna have so much fun!"
「Trial member, Himi. Trial member.」
"Don't care, Micchan! Meimei's an Alleycat now! Whether you like it or not!"
He sighed. Of course this was going to happen. He supposed if eventually, she couldn't suppress her eccentricities on the field, she could take a crack at running overwatch.
Huh, wait. She could do that for now. Good idea, Misogi.
"So I take it you're the Tony Stark on cocaine Misogi was talking about? Nice to meet you, I'm Ajimu Najimi, but my friends call me Anshin'in. Call me Undefined in the field." The brunette stuck out her hand.
"YOU!" Mei pointed at Anshin'in.
"Me?" Anshin'in pointed at Anshin'in.
"YOU WROTE THAT THESIS! Oh my gosh, I have so much to discuss with you, come with me!" Mei grabbed Anshin'in's hand and dragged her off into a side room in the apartment.
"Wh- h- b- wait! Hold on! Wait! I didn't agree to this! At least wait for verbal confirmatio-" SLAM.
…
"Meimei won't hurt Anchan, right Micchan?"
「I'm… sure she'll be fine.」
"Two hours. Two. Hours. I was stuck in the bathroom for two hours, Misogi."
Said reason for Anshin'in's captivity was standing next to her, practically bouncing on her feet.
"I am going to make so many babies, Smiley-kun. So. Many. Babies."
One would wonder how one would say that with a straight face, but Mei was Mei.
If there was one phrase to describe Hatsume Mei, it would be force of nature.
Mei was a whirlwind. Everyone around her got caught up in her antics, and she left a wake of chaos wherever she went.
Misogi was caught in the eye of the storm when he found her dumpster diving for parts. She misjudged the depths, and needed a helping hand getting out. So he cut a hole in the dumpster. He fixed it after she left, yes, but it's truly wondrous how versatile a sharpened screw can be if properly applied. He walked away with a girl's number, or so he thought.
A day later, Mei had messaged him saying she had hacked the city cameras and that she knew about his vigilante activities due to the screws. He interpreted it as a threat, until she offered him prototype gear to test, no cost, no strings attached. So he chanced a second meeting, and wound up with a valuable contact. And the rest is history.
Alright, he'll admit it, he may have developed a slight crush on his gear dealer. If one were nigh-straddled at least once-a-week by an admittedly pretty pinkette with no sense of boundaries, one would probably feel the same way. He's human! It's inevitable!
He just wishes she'd start taking care of herself more often.
It was the second day of Izuku's third year, and Anshin'in-san was practically stonewalling Kacchan, who had decided to ambush their lunch break.
"You're lowering yourself to their level! You've got potential, unlike these losers."
"Meh."
Neither Kumagawa-kun nor Izuku thought it prudent to speak. He would let Anshin'in-san handle this. He was not in the mood to talk to Kacchan.
"What do you have to gain? They're quirkless! You're quirked!"
She sighed and put down her bento.
"If I capitulate… if I stop hanging out with them… will you stop bothering me?"
Of course…
"Of fucking course! My problem is with Deku and Smiles, you've at least got potential."
She looked Kacchan in the eyes.
"I refuse."
Oh, it was bait. That's… good.
"EH?"
"The one thing I, Ajimu Najimi like more than anything else is finding people who think they're hot shit and saying no straight to their faces."
Kumagawa-kun had a visible shine in his eyes. This must be a Jump reference or something. He was more partial to superhero comics, personally.
"Tch. Whatever! Lower yourself all you want. You'll get bored! You'll come crawling back to the top eventually." He slammed the roof door.
…
「So, is anyone going to mention how he was all-but-openly thirsting for Anshin'in or-」 Anshin'in-san recoiled. 「-am I gonna have to bring it up?」
"Ew… ew no… fuck, dammit, I see it now. Was he referring to himself when he said the top? Ewwww. No. No way. Ewwwwww."
A/N: Every time I tried to write the last scene Bakugo's pleas came out weird so I just decided to embrace the awkwardness. Plus-Minus update eventually, when I find myself needing a break from this story, admittedly having a lot of fun with it.