And Yet Life Moves On
"Mr. Levi?" Gabi crouched next to the slumped figure leaning against the boulder. She felt Falco squat next to her down on the dusty ground, felt his anxious energy that mirrored her own.
Levi turned his head, face pale, tears drying.
Gabi swallowed around the sudden tightness of her throat. "Are you alright?"
"I-"
A coughing fit interrupted him and had him doubling over with the force of it. Gabi winced, and next to her, Falco leaned forward in distress, reaching out, fingers curving around a bowed shoulder. The sound of coughing was harsh and painful. Certainly not alright. They both waited. Levi sat back up after a moment, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, chest heaving and looking even paler than before. Gabi bit her lip. "Can you stand?"
000
Gabi tucked some strands of her brown hair, freed from her ponytail by the strong wind sweeping through the small streets behind her ear. She stared down at the several small containers of tea, teeth worrying her bottom lip as she contemplated which one to buy. She knew, if there was one thing that could cheer him up, it was tea.
Lately, he was more withdrawn again. The shadows under his eyes were a little more prominent, the stiffness of his movements a little more apparent, uneaten meals forgotten on the kitchen counter.
Gabi blew air through her nose in frustration. There had to be something she could do - something to cheer him up - something to get him to smile. He never smiled, though. She had never seen him do it, at least. Even after all this time she'd spent getting to know him.
Gabi felt herself frown. It had been a little less than half a year since they had settled down - in a tiny town in a small part of the world that had not gotten annihilated by the Rumbling.
She and Falco tried to visit Levi regularly - bringing snacks or tea, dragging him with them to see the ocean, coming over to prepare dinner. Accompanying him to the new park, he had taken a liking to recently, often together with Mr. Onyankopon too. However, with school finally starting again, time would be getting more sparse.
Gabi pondered, still eying the tea, her mind traveling back to past times as it so often chose to do. She distinctly remembered the first time she had seen him, perched on top of the Mr. Zeke's Beast Titan form, clad in all black, cloak billowing. She remembered the utter fear she felt back then at the display - how times had changed.
Now she felt a warmth toward him, respected him. She valued his advice, too - snippets of wisdom wrapped up in stern words and scowls.
Hoewever, Gabi worried too.
Her bottom lip got caught between her teeth again, and she sucked in a breath.
"Are you going to stare any longer? We need to get home soon, you know."
She roused from her thoughts, and Falco came up behind her, in his arms, the supplies they needed for dinner tonight. Gabi glared at him. "I was contemplating which tea to choose for Mr. Levi. He's more withdrawn again lately, and I wanted to do something to cheer him up."
000
Sometimes her bad nights carried over into the day.
At times, the immense guilt when looking back on her past actions weighed down heavy on her. It was always there at the back of her mind, but sometimes it just hit her with force. Sasha, her ignorance about the world outside, her grief and anger about the dear friends she lost in the chaos of war and hatred. It all coiled up into a big ball of agony. And when that happened, she found herself sitting on her bed in the middle of the night or sprawled on the chilly wood of her bedroom floor, staring at the ceiling, fighting back the tears, and seeing nothing but flames and ash, and the red of mangled bodies.
Not long ago, Gabi had begun assisting at the camps where the refugees who had fled and survived the hell of the Rumbling resided. It felt good to be able to do something and to help people in dire need.
000
She had not been able to contain the tears. Embarrassing. But Levi had stayed silent while she gulped for air, the whole breathing thing suddenly appearing so much more difficult than it had any right to be, offering her a clean handkerchief.
"Sorry," she sniffed after a while when she was able to speak again, wiping her cheeks.
He shrugged, turning to stare at the stormy sky visible through the window. "Don't be. It's alright."
000
"Mr. Levi?"
"Hm?"
"Ever had iced tea?"
That finally got his attention.
"Iced tea? What the fuck is that?"
She smiled inwardly. In a way, Levi was so predictable sometimes, even though he would never admit it himself.
Levi wrinkled his nose in apparent disgust. "Why the fuck would anyone drink cold-ass tea?"
"It's not simply just cold tea. You also add honey and sliced oranges and orange juice and mint and also ice."
He frowned. "I don't like sweet things."
Gabi beamed. "Well, you can leave the honey. It's honestly refreshing. Perfect for hot days like this." She brushed the sweat from her brow and squinted up at the blue sky, the sun blazing down on the two of them.
000
Her fingers were steady while she removed the stitches, silence enveloping the two of them. It was not uncomfortable but-
Gabi frowned. "You seem like you're going to cry."
Levi stared at her, blinked. "What?"
She motioned.
"It's just-" He trailed off, looked away, staring at something she couldn't see.
He tried again, brow drawing together. "Hange- she was the one to do these stitches, sewed my damn face back together. It's fucking stupid but-"
His fingers came up to graze across the marred skin.
"No."
Levi turned back to look at her, face once more unreadable.
"No." Gabi swallowed. "It's not stupid. I understand."
000
When she stepped into the small backyard, Gabi found Levi under the shade of the small apple tree. She smiled, already prepared for the scowl that would surely come her way. "I've got ice cream."
000
At times, the void in his chest seemed more profound. On days where the silence was a bit too loud, on clouded evenings when the rain would not let up and his limbs hurt, on sunny days when the ocean breeze carried the scent of salt. Sometimes, the pain grabbed him and clamped down, seemingly out of nowhere.
The hot day was finally lessening to a mild temperature that was much more pleasant. He sat silently, staring up at the night sky. The stars were bright tonight, painted across the dark in bright specks, the scent of summer in the air. He sat and pondered and tried his hardest not to think too hard. While he sat there, time eluded him. At some point, Gabi came wordlessly up to him and placed a cup of hot tea next to him onto the small table. She perched down onto the grass and drew her knees against her chest, her arms encircling them. Levi sensed her gaze but didn't return it. Instead, he sipped at his tea, the warmth spreading nicely through his body despite the still-warm night. "Are you troubled?" She asked after a while of quiet.
"Hm." He shrugged.
A beat.
"You miss them."
Yes. Levi missed a lot of people - missed a lot of things. Even the tiniest remainder could set him off and-
"I miss them too," she said, breaking through his trainwreck of a train of endless thoughts, ready to spin out of control. "The dear friends I lost."
I wrote this months ago. I was looking through my files and found this again. I cleaned it up a bit and decided to post it.