Natsu no owari

By DrummondType2

Looking at her pale face, eyes closed, hair draped elegantly in a braid over her shoulder, it would be tempting to believe that she was merely sleeping. But I cannot give in to that temptation.

There is no rise and fall of her chest. There is no pulsing of veins and arteries. There is no warmth emanating from her.

She looks peaceful, and I can only hope that her spirit has found peace at last. She was so troubled in life, and while I was not the one responsible for many of her burdens, I did add to them, to my great shame.

She is gone too soon, of course. It was the early part of her third year of High School. There had been a fire. Without regard for her own safety, she ran into the burning building. Not once. Not twice. Five times did she brave the flames to rescue those who were trapped inside. She kicked down doors to free people who were trapped. She carried people out on her back to safety.

It was not the fire itself that claimed her. It was the smoke. That fifth trip to rescue others was too much for her. She found herself lost in a smoke filled room, and she was unable to escape before the thick, noxious fumes choked the life from her. By the time I'd learned of the fire, it was too late. She was already gone.

Her bravery saved a dozen people. How very apt, that number.

I invite the others to her Kokubetsushiki, to offer any final words they may have.

Mai holds together fairly well. She offers a speech about how she had found comfort in her friend's strength.

Mikoto, now sixteen and a bit more mature, can only sob softly and tell Natsuki that she hopes the cakes in Heaven are better than the ones they made together.

Alyssa-chan offers her regrets that they didn't get much time to know one another as family before she passed.

Yukino says that Natsuki was a fair and even handed member of the Executive Committee who helped keep the School in order.

Himeno-han tells her that the new building being built to replace the one that burned to the ground will be named in her honor, and that a plaque will be erected that will tell her story. We know that there will be significant omissions, as regards the event that united us. But her heroism will be marked for all of history.

Nao is the second to last to speak. I was surprised that she even came. Not because of the former animosity between them. That was buried after the Carnival. It is because Nao was, herself, injured in the fire. Her left arm is in a sling and heavily bandaged. A single tear rolls down her cheek, and she whispers softly the words, "Thank you…for saving my life."

And finally, it is my turn to speak, and I find myself at a loss for words. The irony of this is not lost on me. In life, I always had a playful taunt or a suggestive tease to offer her. The blush it brought to her face was a gorgeous sign of the vitality of her very life. And I would never see it again.

"I love you," I say at last. But alas, it is not a magic spell that suddenly has her blush, and rise out of her place to shout at me for saying something so embarrassing in front of all these people and calling me an idiot. Your passing is hard, dearest. You had experience with loss. If I had been the one to pass, it would have been painful for you, I know, but I believe you could have survived it. I, on the other hand, have only known loss in terms of losing you. During the Carnival, I believed I had lost your love and trust, and that was painful enough to bear, even as you still lived. But knowing that I've lost you forever, that you are gone and not returning to my side? If we'd had a lifetime together, maybe I could have prepared for that. But it had only be a year of us together as a couple, and now that is over forever. And I don't know how to handle it.

And then it is time for the cremation services. Traditionally, this part of the ceremony was for only the family, but that would just leave Alyssa. Your Father has not returned to Japan, though he was told of your passing. And so your half-sister decided that all of the HiME were your family. And so, the twelve of us gather to honor you with this final part of your services. There is silence and tears.

There was some discussion about the burial urn that would contain your bones. As your actual kin, the decision was Alyssa's to make. A few ideas were floated. Yukino suggested that the building they were erecting in your name should house your remains, but that was rejected firmly by Alyssa.

"She didn't like being around strangers," Alyssa rightfully pointed out.

It was Mai who finally said what I couldn't bring myself to request.

"She should be given to Shizuru," Mai said firmly, "She was the closest to her."

Alyssa assented to this, and I made arrangements for her urn to be placed in the Fujino mausoleum. I told Alyssa that she would be free to visit at any time that she wished.

"Her remains rest there," Alyssa shook her head, "Her spirit is free."

After the cremation ceremony, we part, and everyone goes their separate ways. Except that I am not alone. One person remains.

"Did you need something, Yuuki-han?" I ask her, as she looks at me with tired eyes.

"I…wanted to see if we could talk," She said.

I nod, ushering her to my car.

"I am heading to the family mausoleum, to say my last farewell. Would you be kind enough to hold her as I drive?"

Nao gingerly takes the urn from my hands, holding it carefully to herself with her good arm.

"Listen, Fujino…I'm sorry that she's gone. I am."

I nod, but say nothing, fastening my seatbelt.

"For what it's worth," Nao looked at the road ahead, "she saved a lot of people that day. Including me."

"She was very kind," my voice is flat and empty.

"And you'd give up every last one of us who she saved to have her back," Nao said, and it wasn't a question. The certainty of it was clear in her voice.

"No," I manage to say, "Natsuki felt those lives worth saving. I wouldn't dishonor her by wishing for such a thing."

"I don't know how she ever managed to be my friend," Nao sighed, "But somehow, after the Carnival…We were. I never quite understood why she fell for someone like you, but she did and…if I were cruel or vicious to you, she'd probably rise from the grave to kick my ass. So…for her sake, I want to bury the hatchet with you, Fujino."

"Did Yuuki-han imagine that I still held her in enmity? Our conflict was born of your malice to her. When that faded, so did my acrimonious feelings towards you."

"Maybe," she said, as we reached the mausoleum, "But we had her in common, and we never became friends."

"Will you accompany me?" I ask, taking the urn from her, "This is a lonely place."

She nods, and we enter the mausoleum. I had told my parents about my relationship with Natsuki when I'd entered Fuuka University. Their reaction was…mixed. Mother had said that as a member of the Fujino family, I was entitled to me "dalliances", but that I must practice discretion. Father was more concerned that she was a freeloader, a hanger-on.

When she had perished in an act of heroism, she was posthumously adopted as a member of the Fujino family, and was provided a place in our mausoleum. Her urn was placed on a shelf, and a bulletproof panel was secured over it, her name on a plaque on the edge of the shelf.

"Wow," Nao looked around at the many urns contained in our mausoleum, "You people are high class even in death."

I scoff, "This place is an artifice. There is nothing of any of us in our graves. Natsuki and I have both died, before. She is not here. But this is our culture, our custom, and so this is where her remains shall rest."

"If she's not here," Nao looked away, "Then where?"

"Somewhere better, I hope. But, for the time being, a piece of her resides here," I place my hand over my heart, "And here," I touch my head, "And the same is true for everyone who loved her, in their way. Our memories, fond or otherwise, are where we shall be haunted by her ghost."

"I suppose so," Nao mutters, "Hey, can you drop me off in town. I'm going to see if I can't twist some guys arm into getting a stiff drink."

And I look at this miserable girl before me, and I understand something. She is similar to me, in a way. Her only friend is gone.

"Perhaps, Yuuki-han, you would care to have one with me at my estate?" I offer, "I doubt Natsuki would want to see you intoxicated and vulnerable amongst so many strange men."

She gives a sharp laugh, "I'm not into girls, Fujino."

I'm a bit wounded at that, but I recognize it as her own hurt heart lashing out.

"And I am not attempting to seduce you, Yuuki-han," I say calmly, "You were Natsuki's friend. She cared about you, and your well-being. She saved your life, as you said. I cannot, then, allow her friend to go off alone in her grief and throw that life away. Besides, I wouldn't mind listening to some of your stories. And in turn, I can tell you some of my own. I did know her far longer than you did, after all."

She looks at me, then grins, "Fine, but you're buying."

"And you are under the legal drinking age," I remark, "So I will be serving in the small glasses."

"Fair enough," She said, climbing into the car. Then she looks thoughtful, "Hey, can we stop at a store on the way?"

"I suppose so. What do you plan to purchase?"

"If we're going to toast to Kuga's ghost, we're going to need some cup ramen and mayonnaise," Nao grins.

I would have ordinarily protested such a suggestion, but in this instance, it somehow seems entirely apropos.

We spent that night talking . We each told stories of the things we'd done with Natsuki during that last year of her life. Some funny. Some sad. Some just reminders of her vitality. Nao tells a story of how Natsuki, in her newfound role of Head of the Executive Committee, had busted a bunch of guys sneaking adult magazines on campus.

"She turned that particular shade of red that she did," Nao laughed, slapped the seat of the sofa beside her as she struggled to breathe, "'cause the guy said that the girl in the magazine he'd been caught with was a dead ringer for her. I thought the Kuga Death Glare was finally going to live up to its name, that day."

In turn, I told her the story of the first Valentine's Day that Natsuki and I had spent as a couple. Each of us had been privately wondering who should give whom the chocolates, and then Natsuki, who was notorious for being tongue tied, had instead written a poem for me. It was so adorably sweet and sappy, and then, she had surprised me because, instead of chocolate, she had given me a small box that contained a gorgeous emerald ring, the stone encircled by two dolphins intertwined.

"She proposed?" Nao practically spit out her drink.

"She did. And I told her…That since we could not be legally wed by the laws of this nation, I would by her a ring, and we could exchange vows to one another, and consider ourselves linked forever. I bought her a matching ring with a ruby in it."

"I…never saw it," Nao said.

"She wore it around her neck on a chain," I said, lifting it out of my shirt, "She was always afraid she'd damage it doing her martial arts if she wore it on her finger. I was given the ring when they washed her body for the services."

"You didn't just lose a lover," Nao looked at me with shock, "She was your wife."

"I do not use that term," I smile, closing my eyes, "It seems…insufficient. She was my other half. And she is gone now. And I do not know how long it will be until we are reunited."

Nao does something that surprises me. She hugs me. It's a soft embrace. There is no romance in it, no desire. It is merely a friendly affection.

"She was my only friend," Nao said, "And that's because…I wouldn't listen to her when she said I could have been your friend, too. But, we're both still alive, Fujino, and I can't be your lover, but…for her sake, I can be your friend."

I smile at her, "Then, for her sake, I can be yours."

I put the chain with Natsuki's ring around her neck, "I no longer need it. Carry her memory with you, just as I do."

I tuck her into bed that night in one of the guest bedrooms. I head to the main library, staring at the sea through the bay windows.

"I am lost without you, Natsuki," I say to no one there.

"I'm here, Shizuru, whenever you need me," I hear her voice. And I see her reflection in the window. I turn, and there is no one in the room but myself.

I sigh, "Sorrow for the lost Lenore?"

"We died together once, Shizuru," I hear that voice whisper in my ear, "And so we are forever united, in our hearts."

And her breath is like a breeze against my ear.

"Na-tsu-ki?" I whisper.

"You don't have to be in any sort of hurry, Shizuru," she says, "I'm here. And I'll wait for you."

"I miss you, Natsuki," I plead.

I practically hear the smile in her voice, "I haven't gone anywhere, Shizuru. I'm right where I always was. In your heart."

And as I look out at the sea, the first light of day breaks, and I know that she is there, in my heart, waiting for me. Shall we have a full life, together, dearest?