I just started another six-day stretch of overtime so I won't be able to write much in that time. Here's a lil short thing I managed to speed-write in between shifts. Worry not, the extra overtime bonus is only to the end of the month so after that I will be taking a break from so much overtime.
RICHARD FRANKLIN- Tabitha Sparks
We always called each other a family in the circus. People said that about their coworkers but they didn't really mean it. In our case it was true, though. You don't die for someone unless they're family. Richard died for me because I was his little sister. And now I knew what it was like to lose your big brother.
Talise Cicero- District Four female (16)
The Careers all thought Alice was the coldest and hardest of us. The more time I spent with her the more I saw that wasn't a fair attitude to have. Alice was the way she was because her brain was made that way. It wasn't her choice. Most of the time she even seemed happy and friendly. I knew she wasn't the coldest of us because that was me.
There's no shame in being born with a differently wired brain and no condemnation if that brain makes you see morality different. Right and wrong have to be a choice or they're not really right and wrong, just necessity. I knew right from wrong without difficulty and I'd chosen to double down and cast them aside. I wanted to live. I wanted to show the Academy was wrong, both to cast me aside and to use me as cannon fodder. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I'd chosen to do it. I didn't feel guilt about it but I acknowledged it as truth.
When I was a little girl I liked to make little boats out of leaves and float them on tidal pools. When I was a little older I thought about supporting my family and about what job I'd have someday. Now Alice and I were rummaging through the pharmacy shelves to find the most death in the smallest bottle. The kind of person I was on the outside didn't matter now. Now I was a Tribute and until the moment I left the Arena all I could think about was how to kill everyone else.
"Here it is," I said, looking at the little bottle I'd found behind a jug of turpentine. I didn't need to know what "Rodine" was to recognize the dead rat and the skull and crossbones emblazoned underneath the brand name. An intrusive thought of pulling the cork and drinking the whole bottle made me queasy. I wondered how it tasted- all bitter and stinging? Empty and almost watery? Or sweet, like they say antifreeze tastes like?
Alice and I knew some of the burned-over buildings we passed had Tributes hiding inside them. We weren't looking for them at the moment so we didn't even glance at the wreckage past the normal Career watchfulness. We walked past the remains of a house and stopped at the trough by the street where a mailbox should be. It was only half-full, some of the water having evaporated from the heat of the day or the heat of the earlier fire.
I popped open a bottle and poured rat poison into the trough. A little stream of liquid fell from the bottle's neck, shimmering in the air until it hit the surface and broke in into roiling patterns. We had four bottles of the stuff so I went ahead and poured a third of the bottle into the trough. Seconds after I stopped pouring the surface showed only gentle ripples. A moment later it was calm again.
We didn't say much as we moved to the next trough to poison it. Alice was probably thinking about something else entirely, like the sun on her neck or whether we should eat beans or salt pork for dinner. My own mind was filled with the knowledge of how much I'd changed since I stepped into the Arena. I hadn't thought it was the kind of person who would poison a dozen children. In the Arena I was learning that I was the kind of person who wanted to win.
Veda Keate- District Nine female (16)
No place in the Kingdom for you.
Murderers don't go to heaven. You get banned from heaven for a lot smaller things that murdering someone. I was like doubly not going to heaven. But I kind of didn't feel that bad about it. If that ship had sailed then I could stop worrying about it and focus on staying alive. It still didn't seem real that I'd actually killed someone so I still didn't feel the guilt and sadness I expected. Probably I wouldn't feel that until I got out... if I got out. But my own lack of reaction told me that maybe in the Arena I should only think about Arena things. I could sort things out with God after the Arena but in order to get that far I had to get out of the Arena, which meant not getting caught up in morality.
Okay, I'm just gonna kind of send up a catch-all, okay? I'm sorry I killed Malcolm and I'm sorry for all the other things I'm going to do if I don't die before I do them. Once I get out of here I'll be repentant but right now I'm just going to stay alive. Sorry to be blunt.
With my soul taken care of and locked away I turned back to staying alive. My cathouse was the only building in the row that wasn't a smoldering ruin. It had some fire damage, mostly on the outside, but it was clearly in far better shape and would be attracting attention. Once Talise and Alice got wind of one strangely undamaged building they'd quickly put it together with Mal's untimely demise. They were going to think a Career-killer lived here and be especially watchful and ready for a fight when they came looking. I may have killed Malcolm but I was no Career-killer. I didn't want to be around when two Careers came looking for a fight.
I rummaged around the working ladies' rooms until I found a carpet bag. Down in the bar I pawed through the shelves and took out a few big bottles. I poured them out the window and filled them from the trough outside in case I didn't have water wherever I went next. I packed them into the carpetbag and went inside looking for anything else I might need.
Most of this stuff is for... other stuff than survival, I thought as I went back to my room one last time. Well, I guess it helps the overall population grow anyway. I looked longingly at the red satin curtains and the piles and piles of beautiful dresses and lingerie in the closet. I had a crazy urge to take them with me and dress in different colored silk every day for the rest of the Games. Some buried and uncouth part of me resented that I was at an age when most people were showing off their beauty and finding companions and I was so bottled-up I was ashamed just thinking about it.
That was past Veda, I told myself. I wasn't going to go crazy, like the people who left our religion when they reached adulthood and tried to "make up for lost time", but I was going to make a few changes. Really the only thing I wanted from that life was Kass. I was going to get out of the Games and get back to my daughter. Her father... well, he was part of my past.
As I walked out of the room I stopped at the vanity by the door. I opened up one of the drawers and looked at all the silk handkerchiefs inside. The dresses were inconvenient and the jewelry might get caught on something. I took out a red handkerchief with silver embroidery, the kind of thing my people would say was "obscene" and "tempting". I couldn't take jewelry but I could take this one little handkerchief and I was going to.