Chapter 6: Psychomedian
Adrien was finishing up his fencing class, getting ready to leave for home, when his identical cousin Félix appeared on the sidelines of the gym.
"Hey, Adrien," called Félix. "My mother and I are in town for a few days and I have studio audience tickets for a live TV show. Come and watch it with me!"
Adrien thought this sounded all right. Félix had behaved very badly the last time he visited, pretending to be Adrien and recording insulting phone messages to his friends, but Félix had apologized and Adrien liked giving people a second chance. Going to a show would demonstrate his forgiveness.
"I'd like to. Are you sure that it's all right with my father?" Adrien asked
"Of course, I've already cleared it with him," said Félix with a wicked gleam in his eyes.
The show was "You Gotta Be Kidding Me", hosted by Alec Cataldi.
"Backstage we have the comedian Harry Cloutier," said Alec. "He thinks this is an award show to honor his lifetime achievements as an actor. He doesn't know what this show is really about, so treat him with respect, at first!"
Harry Cloutier was a tall man with gray hair and dark eyebrows. He grinned at the audience, and they applauded.
"We are here today to honor M. Harry Cloutier's lifetime achievement: a lifetime of mediocrity!" said Alec.
The audience laughed.
"What are you doing, Alec?" asked Cloutier. "I thought this was a serious award show!"
"Seriously, award you? You've got to be kidding me!" said Alec. "You're a has-been, lousy even at comedy. And when you tried serious action drama, it was even worse!"
A screen projected a view of Cloutier acting in an action drama, showing him getting very worked up and punching a fellow actor for real.
"You should stick to comedy, you clown," said Alec. "In fact, we should call you Harry Clown!"
Two stage assistants grabbed Clotier as Alec stuck a red ball nose on his face.
Harry tried angrily to pull it off, and failed. "How dare you! Get this off me!"
"Don't hurt yourself, Harry Clown," said Alec. "We put superglue on that nose!"
Most of the audience laughed again. Adrien didn't, because he thought the host was going too far.
A purple butterfly flew in and landed on the nose.
"Yes, Shadow Moth," said Clotier. "The Psychomedian will knock 'em dead with real acting!"
The audience gasped and started to try to run away.
The akuma had a black and white shirt with a half comedy, half tragedy mask in the center. His shirt was divided in the middle, so the white comedy mask side contrasted with the black side of the shirt and the black tragedy mask side contrasted with the white side. Within his red hood, his face was covered by a white mask with a red clown nose. His hands, one gloved in black and one in white, also covered his face.
"I have a very shiny nose!" said the Psychomedian, thowing his arms wide and uncovering his face, now masked with a grinning expression. "They used to laugh and call me names!"
A wide-angle red beam blasted out from his nose, bathing the audience and Alec.
Everyone began to laugh uncontrollably. They laughed so hard that they fell to the floor.
"Let's try some more serious drama," said the akuma. "Let me give you a scare!"
He covered and unconvered his face again, now showing a frightened mask. A beam went out again and everyone was petrified with fear and unable to move.
"Now, aren't you a bit angry at Alec for getting you into this?" asked the Psychomedian.
His mask turned to one of rage and the beam went out, this time covering all but Alec. The audience surged toward the TV host with fists clenched.
"As much as I would enjoy watching you all give that deadbeat host a dead beating, I have a better idea!" said he Psychomedian. "You all joined him in mocking me. You should feel so very sad about that."
He made a mask of sadness and beamed the emotion to them all. "Such despair! Life isn't worth living. You should all just throw yourself out the nearest window!"
The audience slowly and sadly marched away. As Adrien and Felix went by, a purple mask of light went up around the Psychomedian's face.
"Shadow Moth, you think I should give these twin boys contrasting emotions? I should make the one in the black shirt with three stripes happy, and leave the other one sad? All right, why not?"
"Happy happy, joy joy!" said the Psychomedian, changing his face and using his nose beam as directed.
Marinette happened to catch the show as she was flipping channels.
"I have to save Adrien!" she said with a gasp.
"You have to stop the akuma, Marinette," said Tikki. "Whether one person is saved is not as important since you can bring them back."
"I can't think that way," said Marinette. "I'll save all I can, especially Adrien. Tikki, spots on!"
Ladybug buzzed Chat Noir and left a message. "There's trouble at the TVi studio, where Alec Cataldi works. Join me there as soon as you can."
Ladybug had to get there fast, so she called, "Tikki, Kaalki, Unify!"
Pegabug used Voyage to get to the building, to the floor where the people were trying to jump.
The studio was on an upper floor of a skyscraper. It had large glass windows on every side, but they were strong for safety and not made to be opened. However, the crowd pounding and pressing on them was making them crack and give way.
Pegabug broke windows in rooms on either side of the one with the crowd, and wove a safety net out of her unlimited yo-yo string, placed just below the window like a pouch. It was finished just in time, as the crowd broke through the window and began to spill out.
Pegabug saw Adrien among the others, laughing so hard that he couldn't resist getting swept up with them. Beside him was a boy with an identical face, full of despair.
"Felix!" thought Pegabug. "What is that no-good cousin of Adrien's doing back in Paris?"
Both boys fell into the net at once, and bounced so that one was at the lip of the net to each side. The laughing one was hanging off one of the lines to the left, shaking so much with laughter that he couldn't hold on for long. The other was crawling, full of despair, to launch himself out from the other side.
"Adrien! Hang on, I'll save you!" shouted Pegabug.
"Why bother?" said the sad one. "You'll never love me like I love you. I might as well end things here. Save my cousin."
"Yes, s-save me! Hahahah!" said the laughing one.
"What's going on?" thought Pegabug. " Félix answered me as if he was Adrien, and the other one is selfish. They must have changed clothes again for some strange reason."
She launched herself at the sad "Félix" and caught him before he could jump.
Hoping and guessing that a kiss could help him like it did Chat Noir when he was brainwashed by Dark Cupid, she gave " Félix" a kiss.
His expression cleaned immediately. "Pegabug?"
"Adrien. Let's get you out of this," said Pegabug.
"What about Félix?" he asked.
Pegabug looked over to where the boy had been. He appeared to have fallen.
"I'm sorry, it's too late. I'll get him back, once Chat Noir and I defeat the akuma."
Pegabug climbed up the side of the net and into one of the windows she had broken when she made the safety net. She found a closet and pushed Adrien into it.
"Hide in here," she said.
Pegabug went to her yo-yo, which was tied around a ceiling support beam on one side of the net. She could reel out the string more without disturbing the net, but it was going to be hard to use it in combat.
She tried another call to Chat Noir, and this time he answered and came to join her.
"The akumatized object is his clown nose," Chat said. "I don't know how we can get it without getting caught in the beam. He can shoot it at a wide angle so it can't be dodged."
"Lucky Charm!" called Pegabug. She got an empty red balloon with black spots.
"That could help if we pulled it over his nose," said Chat. "But how? It's the same problem – we'll get too emotional."
"Maybe little by little," said Pegabug. She pulled the Mouse Miraculous out of the yo-yo portal and handed it to Chat Noir.
"Hi, Chat Noir, I'm Mullo," said the kwami.
"Plagg, Mullo, Unify!"
"Ladybug, I saw you come into the building!" shouted the Psychomedian. "Time to face total drama ire land!"
He turned all the crowd who hadn't fallen into a raging mob.
But hundreds of tiny Mouse Noirs swarmed right through under their feet, and ran up the villain's back.
The first climbed down his face and pulled the balloon part way over the clown nose, then dropped to the floor, enraged by the beam. Then came another and another, each pulling the balloon on more completely. It happened so fast that Psychomedian couldn't react.
The final Mouse Noir did a "Cataclysm" on the covered clown nose.
Pegabug summoned the balloon to her hand and threw it into the air. "Miraculous Pegabug!"
Magic ladybugs swarmed and everyone was back safely in the building, and in their right minds again. The akuma magic left Harry Cloutier. Mouse Noir was back to one copy, normal sized.
Pegabug caught and purified the akuma, now that her yo-yo was free of holding up the net.
"Pound it!" Mouse Noir and Pegabug said as they bumped fists.
Chat divided from Mullo and returned the Miraculous.
"Sorry, I have to rush off," said Chat. "Purr-essing civilian business."
"See you later, Chaton."
Félix was alive and well at the ground level of the Tvi building. Ladybug had divided from Kaalki and sent her home to feed.
"Come with me," Ladybug demanded when she caught up with Félix. "You have to give Adrien back his clothes. Why did he let you swap with him, anyway?"
"Ask him," said Félix.
After the clothing was sorted out, Ladybug spoke with Adrien.
"Why did you change clothes with Félix?" she asked. "You should know better by now."
"He suggested it as a prank when we were in the men's room before the show. I'm not really sure why, but it seemed like a good idea at the time."
"It really wasn't."
"I know that now."
"When you were in the net, you said something about loving me?"
"That... that was the emotion control making me talk crazy. I know as a civilian I could never date a superhero."
"You're right, it would be too dangerous for you. Let's forget that ever happened, all right?"
"All right, M'... Mademoiselle."
(Author's note: since we may not get the real Psychomedian episode for who knows how long, I wrote my own. One part was inspired by something Franck Dubosc (the French comedian and voice actor for Psychomedian) did. He played himself on a French TV series named "Call My Agent!", and in that fictional role he got carried away with method acting for an action drama scene and punched a fellow actor.)