Irina Sokolova, Victor
My bedroom door flew open, framing Rhoda in the doorway. She flipped on the light as I burrowed deeper into the bed.
"Today you actually have to get up. It's initiation day," Rhoda said.
"I don't want an initiation," I said. I could have rolled over or wadded up the blankets but it seemed like too much energy. I just wanted to lie in the same spot so long I wouldn't be anymore. Not die, just not be.
"Well then you better get up because we're having it here," Rhoda said.
"In my room?" I asked, too listless to form a more coherent response.
"It's a slumber party," Rhoda said. "Good thing we have so much room because like sixty people are about to be in here."
It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. There were so many people in my living room that I felt like I could disappear. No one pressured me to talk as I sat on a couch mostly staring at the wall. All around me victors buzzed about- playing games, talking, watching whatever weird Capitol show they'd put on the wall, browsing the snack table.
I barely noticed the man sitting next to me until he spoke up.
"You look lost. How about a makeover?"
Something about it just got me. Something about how utterly bizarre it was to say that the solution to be lost was a makeover just plain got me. I cracked up laughing.
It was nice being in the bedroom with Randy away from most of the partygoers. I watched in the mirror as he went through palettes drawn from his pockets and applied one or another. A thought came to me and I saw Randy in a completely different light.
"You lost your best friend too, didn't you?" I asked softly.
Randy's reflection met my eye and he glanced away almost guiltily. He set the palette down.
"How are you still happy?" I asked. I didn't mean to accuse him. I just hoped against hope that there was an answer.
"I'm sad a lot," Randy said. "Sometimes when I look like it and sometimes when I don't. But being sad sometimes doesn't mean you can't be happy other times."
"I miss them," I said.
Randy nodded. "Some people would say they would want you to make their deaths worthwhile. I think that's not very nice. Friends don't want their friends to feel guilty. I think Laurel wants me to be happy, and she doesn't care if sometimes I'm sad anyways. You wanted your friends to live because you wanted them to have the best life possible. Let yourself want that for you."
I didn't go back out to the party for a while. Everything Randy said went right to my heart but I just wasn't ready to be with so many other people. I waited until everyone had settled in and was watching some ridiculous action movie before I slipped back out. I rolled out a sleeping bag near Rhoda and listened to the other Victors shouting comments. After a while I joined in.
Rhoda Hamilton, District One mentor
An hour before the party, in front of the assembled Victors
"All right, everyone. Things went well the first few days but just now Irina is getting strained." I used the code word Victors had for when one of us became a danger to ourselves. "So we're having a slumber party. No reason, just a slumber party that involves sixty people with eyes on Irina all night. As is often the case, there are considerations." I raised fingers one after another.
"No mentioning red hair. No mentioning elephants. No mentioning mermaids or just probably the ocean at all. No... bending yourself weird. No cannons. No comedies. No high-fives..."
kinda short initiation because there's another scene I want to include so more is coming later.