Bill of Service

by Ankoth

It began, as a lot of things do with Naruto Uzumaki, with a prank. His best yet. But the problems came when the Hokage tried to bill a young man at the breaking point for the time lost. This time, he's pushing back with brains, rather than with mischief.

Authors Note: This is a one-shot I wrote up a while ago after reading someone else's Naruto story. The seed of the idea was Naruto having to overcome adversity because the Hokage fined him for something. Mine starts with that, but goes in a different direction, mostly spawned by indignation about the whole thing. Hopefully it makes sense once you read it.

Summary: It began, as a lot of things do with Naruto Uzumaki, with a prank. His best yet. But the problems came when the Hokage tried to bill a young man at the breaking point for the time lost. This time, he's pushing back with brains, rather than with mischief.

Naruto Uzumaki sat in his run-down apartment, on his beaten and battered furniture, staring at the little metal plate in his hands. He had made it. He'd finally, finally, become a shinobi. Just as he had been dreaming of for years.

It was a shame, then, that the entire night and achievement had been soured so magnificently as to sap almost any enthusiasm he might have otherwise gained. Because tonight he had also finally found out why he was so hated, and so often ignored or sabotaged. It was a bitter pill to realise that the reason so many people had acted against him was due to something entirely outside his control, and utterly unrelated to him as a person.

Naruto had long since recognised that his skills as a ninja had been downgraded, sabotaged and kept from him by the academy. Only one teacher had cared, but by the time he had gotten there it had been too little, too late, and Iruka's determination to be fair to all of his students had meant that Naruto still only got a tiny portion of the attention he had so desperately needed. He had believed it to be because of his actions before the academy. That the teachers were so convinced he was just a laughing stock and a pranking menace that they had decided he was determined to gain skills that could make him worse. He hadn't liked it, but he had kind of accepted that it was a valid point of view.

To find out that it was nothing of the sort, and he had never had a chance was extraordinarily depressing. Even the faith shown by Iruka was a mere shadow against the light of that revelation. A mere blip of goodwill in a long line of put-downs and hazards.

Actually, it was more infuriating than depressing, the longer he thought about it the madder he got. He wanted to go out and shake people until they apologised, punch his teachers for never giving him a chance. Thankfully, as quickly as his anger rose it dropped away again. None of those ideas would get him anywhere, and would certainly cost him far, far, more than he could afford to lose. He had no way of getting even a little satisfaction back from the ignorant villagers.

Or… did he?

Naruto had long since realised that although everyone called him stupid or an idiot, it was purely because he didn't have the basic knowledge to prove them wrong. His mind worked faster, and in far more directions than any of his peers. His ability to plan and execute pranks despite being watched like a hawk and the sabotage done to him was proof of that.

It was this kind of thinking that allowed him to realise that there was a way he could vent his frustration one last time. He had the shadow clone Jutsu now. He could be in hundreds of places all over the village. With this in mind, a devious smile worked its way across his face. He had one week before he had to report for his team and had to get truly serious. Before then he was going to plan the biggest, most audacious prank ever committed in this village. Summoning a trio of shadow clones he set to planning.

…..

The next day the village was in an uproar. Paint traps, stink bombs, projectile vomit, and other substances were in abundance. Hundreds of people were rainbow coloured, and even more were cursing the name Uzumaki. Bands of Chunin were scouring the streets hoping to find the obvious culprit. And yet, when they did see a glimpse, they ended up chasing him right into another field of traps while the shadow clone disbursed. Even some of the Jonin were caught and took to using swift Jutsu to avoid being identified or embarrassed.

No corner of the village escaped Uzumaki's wrath, not even the most secure, or most secret areas. As both ANBU and Root could attest to.

Eventually the original Naruto was found sitting on the Fourth's head on the Hokage mountain laughing as he watched the chaos. As he continued laughing a team of Chunin leaped on him with a roar of fury. Moments later Naruto was tied up in so much ninja wire and restraints that he looked more like a cocoon than a person. He was immediately strung up on a pole and carried to the Hokage.

As he was carted into the room Naruto could see an almost instant consequence of his pranking spree. A pile of paperwork at least a foot deep on one corner of the desk. His Jiji was also glaring at him as if he had unleased the demon on the village.

"Do you have any idea what you have done!" The old man ground out. "Hundreds of ninja chasing you and your clones, fixing your mistakes! I have hundreds of people claiming destruction of property and demanding compensation for lost hours and property!"

Slamming his hands down on the desk the old man continued. "You are an adult under the law now, Naruto. You cannot continue doing these kinds of things without repercussions."

Sitting back in the chair Naruto scoffed, "Relax, Old man. All of the paint was completely soluble, all they need to do is put it in the wash. The people trying to find me caused all of the damage, not me. And I know I can't do more pranks, this was just one last farewell!" Naruto laughed at that line, enjoying the dumbstruck looks on the Hokage and Chunin he could see.

Then the Hokage shook his head, bringing a tinge of concern to Naruto, "Not good enough, Naruto. You have been punished as a child before this, now it must be done as an adult. I can no longer continue to show you such favouritism now."

Naruto was unable to stop himself freezing as those final words seemed to reverberate around his head, getting louder and more hurtful with each repetition. The Hokage may have thought he froze out of concern, as did the Chunin given the glee filled faces, but really, it was anger that seized him then.

He was the jinchūriki of the Nine-Tailed Fox, the beast that had almost destroyed this village. Every day he kept it locked away and thus kept the village safe. What favouritism had he ever been shown? A minor show of concern from less than five people in the entire village compared to the disgust, distrust and outright abuse from the vast majority. Orphans on the street stealing from shops got less vitriol in a year than he got on a weekly basis.

Naruto managed to get a hold of his anger enough to focus back on what Sarutobi followed that bombshell up with. But again, the words nearly made him lose all control.

"You leave me no choice. You are hereby sentenced to 1,000 hours of community service and fined 8,000 yen for the damages caused and the man-hours lost because of your little spree. You are dismissed, Genin Uzumaki, get out of my sight."

At this point the Chunin in the room were almost vibrating in glee. Finally, their tormentor would get his just come-uppance. They had no way of knowing that again the words of the Hokage had roared through Naruto's mind. This time, however, it had not just triggered the anger and disgust he had been ignoring for this village, it had also tripped several little thoughts that suddenly coalesced into a piece of supreme inspiration. A way to even the scales, properly.

But Naruto knew this wasn't something he could just blurt out and run with. This needed a bit more thought and some preparation put into it. So, standing up as the restraints were cut open he completely ignored the old man as he twisted and headed to the door, any respect he had ever had for Sarutobi was well and truly gone with this little debacle.

Even the demand from one of the Chunin to show respect to his Hokage and salute properly as he left, one last attempt to twist the knife from the man, garnered nothing more than a passing thought. And that was only enough to make him lift his finger in the air over his shoulder, a sign of insult and disrespect.

Even based on an eight-hour day the Hokage had assigned him to live without pay or funds for more than four months of work. Thanks to the constant overcharging and practices of the civilian population he had no back-up funds, nor savings (especially as he couldn't trust the banks not to lose his details).

As things stood this punishment would mean he lost his home, would have to hunt for whatever food or goods he could find, and would be unable to buy anything in any of the shops in Konoha without the money being confiscated to go against his debt. Hell, the only reason he wasn't being thrown in a debtors jail was because he was now, technically, a serving ninja.

Right now, his only hope for the future rested on his new idea. It was that hope and the anger boiling through his veins as he stormed from the tower and towards his home, pausing only to create a trio of clones just outside to look some things up for him.

One benefit of his pranking spree had been learning that his clones would return their memories to him. His latest plan needed some more information to complete, so the clones he made would henge into a civilian before looking up a few details.

…..

Minutes later he was back in his apartment, only just noticing how much cleaner it was than usual for this time of week, obviously the work of a bored clone. He quickly cleared his dining table of the place settings, it was still a few hours until he ate, he instead set out his workbook for school and some stationery.

He quickly started several sheets of paper, one for the overview of the plan, one for the centrepiece, and one for the calculations needed. Over the next few hours his clones returned with the additional pieces of information needed for him to flesh his plan out.

Some additions were quickly discarded, as much as they might ease his anger, they would also severely damage his position. Something he couldn't afford right now. His position needed to be completely airtight if he was going to have anything resembling a future.

That thought made him pause for a moment, before he quickly created a clone to draft up a second document, this one wouldn't actually be presented, but it would work to make his position crystal clear. He might just need it.

Finally, four hours later he finally finished his preparations and leaned back in his seat, massaging his hand to work the stiffness out. As he sat there he started going over every aspect of his plan, taking the time to check for backlash, opinions and consequences from the rest of Konoha.

The more angles he looked at it from, the better he found his position. It would certainly get a few peoples backs up, but it would work, as long as he could hold his nerve. All of the laws, rates and details had been taken from publicly available information. There was nothing he could be accused of for accessing or quoting. Only tomorrow would tell though.

…..

The next morning found the Hokage steadily working through the paperwork from yesterday's ridiculousness, it was still early but he was long inured to the need to come into the office at all hours to deal with things. He had finally gotten some peace from the civilians after announcing the punishment levied against Naruto and he was enjoying the lack of documents being shoved at him.

The fact that he had essentially sold one of his ninja down the river to avoid paperwork never even occurred to him. Something the ANBU watching him had noticed and exchanged signed words about.

The first sign of anything going wrong with his day came at late-morning, it had recently turned eleven when his secretary came into the room looking incredibly nervous.

"Umm, Sir? Naruto Uzumaki is here to see you…"

Despite the warning signs in his secretary's demeanour Sarutobi didn't catch on that there might be a problem, too focused on the paperwork in front of him. Sighing, and expecting a tirade now that yesterday had settled in, he replied, "Send him in."

Although it was down the list of warning signs, the first sign that Sarutobi picked up of the problems to come was all across Naruto's face. He practically swaggered into the office, a large and smug grin spread across his face and, mostly alarmingly of all, a folder of paperwork in hand.

The view was so surprising that Naruto had taken a seat before the Hokage had pulled himself together. "Naruto, what can I do for you?"

Still smiling, Naruto didn't reply, just took a sheet of paper off his folder and laid it face up on the desk before he kicked back in the chair, one leg going over the arm. The hidden ANBU exchanged knowing looks, obviously this was Naruto's retaliation, whatever it was he was up to.

The Hokage, meanwhile, glanced between the paper and Naruto for several seconds then warily reached over and picked it up. "If this is some kind of prank, especially after yesterday, there will be hell… to… pay."

The Hokage's voice trailed off as he finally registered what it was, he was holding. Disbelief written all across his face. Seconds later he almost exploded as he ground out a question, "What the hell is this?!"

Still smiling, Naruto tucked the folder down the side of the chair, before he linked his hands behind his head. "What you said yesterday got me thinking. Not least because you seemed to think you had been showing me favouritism before which, frankly, is a pile of bullshit. A pat on the head and a few bowls of ramen per year do not match against years of abuse, neglect and sabotage levied against me by this village."

Completely ignoring the shocked look on Sarutobi's face Naruto shook his head slightly to get off the tangent he had started on. "More specifically, how you are fining me for the manhours 'wasted' yesterday. It came to me while you were pandering to those trying to destroy my life, that I was providing a service. I'm the goddamn jinchūriki for the Nine-Tailed Fox. Every day of my life has been a service to the pissants of this place. Every. God. Damned. Day."

Unlinking his hands and leaning forward, Naruto carried forward his plan, the shock and horror on the Hokage's face not phasing him at all. "Every single hour of my life is an hour everyone here lives purely because of my sacrifice. It's even in the bloody name! And what have I gotten for it? Hate, disgust, abuse, etc. etc." He waved his hand vaguely to cover the numerous ways his life had been made harder.

"Well, I realised that everyone in the village who provides a service gets compensation. So that right there is my bill of service. Now, I don't know exactly when I had the fox stuffed in me, but I did find out that it has to be done to a new born, so just to be fair, I haven't charged you for that first day. And, personally, I feel a Jonin rate could be argued for, but instead I've gone for a daily Special Jonin rate for a protection detail.

That bill is obviously not the whole thing, it's just for the day I started up until my next birthday. I'm sure my rate can be negotiated for the yearly bill going forward from that point. You don't have a choice with that one, since you never had my agreement to work."

Grinning smugly again, Naruto leaned back and finished the pitch, "It's only fair. After all, you wouldn't like to show favouritism by not paying for a service… would you?"

At this point both the Hokage and his guards were all completely speechless. Fortunately, the ANBU masks hid their gaping jaws, or they would look as undignified and ridiculous as the Hokage currently was. It was also, perhaps, lucky, that they had been expecting some backlash from the infamous prankster, so they recovered a slight bit quicker than Sarutobi.

The paper long since dropped in his shock, Sarutobi recovered enough to ask, "You can't be serious, can you, Naruto?"

"I'm completely serious. I have all of my workings if you need further proof. This," he spoke waving at the paper, "isn't some random figure to try and get you to cancel yesterday's punishment. This is about a just and fair level of compensation for my service to this village. Something I dare say I'm owed in spades."

Taking two more pieces of paper out of the folder, he waved them at the Hokage, without passing them across. "These are optional extra's. This one," He passed the relevant invoice across to Sarutobi, "is an alternative to the one I am actually presenting to you. It includes combat additions, for all the times I've been attacked, as well as a multiplier for the hostile working environment, which is more than covered by all of the verbal abuse and such. I felt that, considering you utterly ignored all of that to get us to this point, it wouldn't be accepted, so I gave you the lesser invoice."

Slapping down the second piece of paper, "This one, however, is an invoice to cover the gap between what I should have spent over the years, and what I've actually spent considering pretty much everyone in this village charges me far more for everything I need to live off of. I've got the workings for that one was well. As you can see, I should have had a nice little bit of savings to deal with your bullshit punishment, but because I can only buy rotten food and drink at massively inflated prices, I've got nothing. I'm still undecided if I will be presenting this one, by the way."

Leaning back Naruto quietly watched the man he had looked up to for so long. This was an obviously out of character moment for Naruto, and the delivery had shocked Sarutobi a lot as well. But Naruto had been asking why he was hated for years at this point. He had long ago realised people were hating him that could have never been touched by his pranks, and for all that time he had been told that Sarutobi didn't know why.

There had been days, after coming face to face with such overwhelmingly complete hatred, that he had gone home and wept, thinking either his parents had committed unspeakable acts of evil, or it had been he himself and his mind had been wiped by a Yamanaka. Nothing else seemed to explain anything that was happening to him. Despite how awful the night had been, finding out that it wasn't truly him had been such a relief.

If the Hokage hadn't slapped him with such a ridiculous punishment, and to then claim his prior treatment was showing favouritism, he would have never given it much more thought about just what he was doing for the village. But he was thinking now. And he was determined to get his due.

It seemed the Hokage was finally catching up. After checking the other two pieces of paper provided, he leaned back and spoke, "You can't honestly think the village will pay this, Naruto."

Replying swiftly, Naruto said, "I don't think you or the village had a choice in the matter."

Raising an eyebrow, the Hokage queried that statement. "Oh, and what happens if we don't pay?"

Smiling darkly Naruto laid out his plan, "Well, I have a number of options. First of all, I can take my case before the Daimyo. I figure I've got a 50:50 shot at it going my way, and the other great villages will definitely take notice regardless.

That means that if suing you doesn't work I can always quit and find someone that will pay the invoice. I've read the laws, until I am accepted by a Jonin instructor I am not a ninja of Konoha."

Here Naruto leaned forward to provide an aside, "Another reason your punishment was bullshit and clearly motivated by trying to avoid the council and paperwork, by the way."

Leaning back Naruto continued with his previous train of thought. "So, since I'm still a civilian I can just take off this little plate of metal and walk out the door. I'm sure I can find a few places that will be more than welcoming for a jinchūriki. Now, some of them will be purely after my children, because the books say that's how bloodlines come about, but there will be some that will actually give me the training I needed and deserved. Unlike here.

And, finally, I can always just quit being a jinchūriki. According to the books the other villages regularly use their jinchūriki to unleash the Biju against their enemies. If there's a way to partially release them, there's a way to totally release them. I'm sure the fox itself will know if no one else does."

Once again Sarutobi was shocked speechless by the number 1 unpredictable ninja of Konoha. Obviously, this was a highly planned decision. Spotting a problem with his argument though Sarutobi pounced on the flaw.

"You are forgetting, Naruto, releasing the Biju will kill you. You don't want that, surely?"

"So says you," came the reply, "None of the books say that, so really I only have your word. The word of an old man that has lied to me so many times I'm not sure you've ever actually given me a true line in my life, and certainly wouldn't recognise it if you did."

This time Sarutobi reacted like he had been slapped in the face. Rearing back, eyes wide and utterly shocked. He was utterly speechless as the child he had believed to be an honorary grandchild stated that he had absolutely no trust in his ability to make a decision without disregarding the safety and well-being of said child. It was such a strike at his worldview he wasn't even sure how to deal with it.

But Naruto wasn't finished. "I'm also pretty sure that the way the Biju leaves its jail will have a big effect on how I am afterwards. I reckon the promise of a no-strings release will get me a method that can be used without too much risk. It's certainly less of a risk than continuing to try and protect a village that has shown me nothing but hatred and betrayal. Don't you think?"

To Hiruzen, it felt like he was trying to dance on quick sand, like the floor had been pulled from beneath him. He could come up with no counter to the comments, because truthfully, he just didn't know. Mito had died after the extraction, but she had only held on that long to make sure Kushina was ready. And Kushina herself had survived the extraction and had been killed before anyone could really assess what effect it had.

There was also the undeniable impact of it being Naruto forcing these arguments. Hiruzen had truly believed in his love for the village and, frankly, that he wasn't the sharpest kunai in the pouch. It seemed that reports he was being given were both massively false, but also that a lot of Naruto's potential had been curtailed or hidden.

Frankly, the blows to his pride and perceptions were starting to make him stop and think. That thinking had him realise the fact that he had punished Naruto simply to avoid paperwork. And how much that decision was going to cost him.