Part 4: Chapter 27
"Nights without sleep and days
That burn like smoldering fire,
Nerves with the ceaseless cry
Of wind in a tight-drawn wire—
Years of this leaving me nothing
But a handful of songs like these,
That people think were happily written
In an hour of ease."
-Sara Teasdale, "Nights without Sleep"
Katara stood at the railing of the steamer with her daughter, running her hand down the girl's jet-black hair. Kazia leaned over the edge to stare at the dolphin-turtles leaping alongside the steamer. The sun lit the waves with a mercurial depth as the ship coursed through the rough water toward the Fire Nation Capital.
"Zuko said I'm old enough to sit in on some meetings with his advisors now!" Kazia said, looking up.
"Fire Lord Zuko," Katara corrected.
Kazia frowned. "He said I can call him 'Zuko.'" She was standing on her toes, and Katara instinctively wanted to pull her back from the edge.
"That's okay in private, but you should use his title in public so people don't think you're being disrespectful." Katara didn't miss her daughter sticking out her tongue as she turned back to the water.
"I could just call him 'dad,'" she said under her breath. In an instant, Katara grabbed her daughter's shoulder and swung her around to face her.
"What did you say?"
Kazia squirmed under Katara's full attention. "I'm just saying, he's my father and all."
"Who told you that?"
Kazia stared at her feet.
"Well?" Katara prompted.
"My brother, Pasang. He overheard some of the centralists talking about it."
Katara sighed. Even though her daughter's features resembled Katara's, she had the jet-black hair and light skin of her father. She couldn't hide the truth forever. Kneeling, she took Kazia's hands in hers.
"I was going to tell you when you were a bit older, but yes, Fire Lord Zuko is your blood father."
Kazia's grin spread across her face. "Pasang wasn't lying? Zuko really is my dad?"
"Fire Lord Zuko is your blood father, Kazy. But we weren't married when you were born, and we aren't married now, so it's important you don't tell anyone. The Fire Nation can be very... traditional."
Kazia's grin faded as her brow furrowed. "The spiritual centralists know. So why does it have to be a secret?" Seagulls called overhead as the steamer neared the Capital.
Katara kissed her cheek. "It's safer this way. Some people might be upset if they found out. I hope one day we won't have to hide your blood relationship, but for now it needs to be a secret. Can you promise me you won't tell anyone?"
Kazia shifted her weight from foot to foot. "Okay, Mom, I won't tell anyone," she said finally. Katara hugged her, hoping she could still keep her daughter safe.
. . . . .
After a long morning spent in meetings and reading reports, Zuko stretched his legs on the grass of his mother's garden. Nearby, Kazia and Katara stood in the knee-deep water. Zuko shuddered to think of the algae and mud they were standing in, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves. He ate cheese and slices of picken meat off a tray on the grass beside him. Glancing at the sun, he figured he had about twenty more minutes before his next meeting.
"Twist your wrist a little more outward. Yep, like that. Now pull up like you're trying to pull a snake out of a hole," Katara instructed.
Kazia tried to imitate her mother. A small bubble of water began to rise from the pond but quickly fell back in. She tried again, but the water wouldn't listen to her. After several more tries, she threw her hands up.
"This is too hard! I want to go back to making ripples."
Zuko chuckled under his breath, remembering how he used to complain about how hard firebending was to his own mother.
"You've mastered the ripples already," Katara replied. "I know this is hard, but if you keep trying you'll get it. Remember when you thought making ripples was too hard?"
Kazia tried again, and the bubble of water rose completely above the surface of the pond before falling back in. "Zuko! Did you see that? I made a water ball!" Kazia shouted to him. Zuko applauded as she beamed.
Behind him, someone cleared her throat. "Fire Lord Zuko, your next meeting is beginning soon."
Zuko turned to see Ming bowing to him. He pushed himself to his feet and waved goodbye to the two waterbenders before following the head attendant inside.
. . . . .
Zuko settled himself on the zabuton before his advisors. "What news?" he asked.
As always, Advisor Liu spoke first. "Fire Lord, as you know, the Fire Nation Youth Council has been training in the Capital for over eight years now." Zuko had known the mentee program was ongoing, but he realized with a stab of regret that he hadn't been nearly as involved with the students as he'd have liked.
When he nodded, Liu continued. "While all the students have had commendable characteristics, we believe one truly stands out and would make a very honorable heir… if you choose not to remarry."
Zuko set his jaw. "Like I said, I have no plans on remarrying. We all remember how well my last marriage went." He felt a small stab of guilt at Advisor Liu's chagrined expression. "I'm sorry, that was unnecessary. Tell me more about this student."
"Zhenzhu has always been a very bright student, Fire Lord, from the time she arrived at the Capital when she was twelve," Advisor Chang broke in. "She excelled in all her classes, but her extracurriculars made her stand out from her peers."
"We give the students plenty of free time to explore their interests," Advisor Chen added. "Many turn to practicing their bending, or learning a new instrument. Zhenzhu is special. When she was thirteen, she found a turtle-duck with a broken leg. She made a splint for it and carried it in the pocket of her robes for weeks."
"She got in trouble in class when her teachers realized she was bringing an animal into her classes," Liu noted. "But she stated her case and wrote a persuasive essay to her teachers to allow her to take care of the Fire Lord's property, as the turtle-duck was found in the Royal Garden. Her teachers were so impressed that they allowed her to continue caring for the turtle-duck."
Zuko listened carefully. A girl's interest in animals was not necessarily a sign she'd make a good Fire Lord, even if she was also a good student. "What else?" he prompted.
"As she grew older, her teachers believed she was very devout. She spent many hours meditating in the Royal Temple, near the shrine of Avatar Roku."
Zuko knew some level of devoutness was expected of every Fire Lord, but spending hours meditating seemed excessive. "How does this extracurricular prove she's capable of leading a nation?" he asked, hoping his annoyance wouldn't creep into his voice.
"Sire, she wasn't actually meditating," Advisor Zhu said carefully. "She would climb out the window of the Temple and disguise herself as a regular citizen."
Zuko shook his head in confusion. "What? Why?"
"We can't say for certain what her motives are, but our sources say Zhenzhu takes the food she's been given as an offering to the Shrine and discretely distributes it to the poorer residents of the city," Zhu continued.
"Technically it's a misdemeanor crime to misappropriate offerings this way," Liu added with a soft smile. "But we believe this proves her empathetic and altruistic nature. We'd like to set up a private dinner for you to talk to her tomorrow night."
. . . . .
When Katara knew Kazia was fast asleep in their shared bed in the guest wing of the palace, she slipped out from the covers and left the room. By the light of the lanterns on the walls, she stole down the silent halls until she reached Zuko's chambers. He held up the blankets for her as she crawled into bed with him.
"What time is it?" he asked groggily.
"Just after tenth bell," she said, kissing his temple. "Long day?" He normally wasn't asleep until the twelfth bell.
"Lots to think about," he said. She draped an arm over his chest and he rested his hand on her forearm.
"I'm here to listen if you need me."
"The council of advisors want me to meet with a potential heir tomorrow," he said after a few moments. "I have no idea what to talk to her about. It's a huge decision, and I don't want to screw it up."
Katara had never been under the impression Zuko would name Kazia as his daughter and heir. The traditionalists in the nation would revolt if a waterbender ever wore the royal headpiece. She also saw the stress Zuko carried as he tried to rule the nation, and she'd never want that for her daughter.
"What do you value in a Fire Lord?" she asked.
"Honesty. Competency. Humility. They've got to be able to admit their mistakes. And they need to put the nation before themself."
"That sounds a lot like you, love," Katara said.
Zuko groaned. "No, just the me I want to be. I don't think I'll ever be a good enough Fire Lord."
Katara thought he was too hard on himself, but what did she know about leading a nation? She wanted a quiet life for herself and Kazia.
"Just get to know her. Ask her about her interests. Try to understand how she sees the world. You don't have to make a decision right now. Just get a gut feeling for her," she said. The darkness of the room wrapped around her like a thick blanket. She yawned, and Zuko pulled her closer to him.
"Thank you," he said. They fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms.
. . . . .
Zuko woke up to someone shaking his arm. "Mmm-hmm?" he moaned as he tried to bury his face back in his pillow.
"Zuko, wake up!" someone whispered. Zuko opened his eyes to see Kazia's face so close their noses could touch. Startled, he was suddenly wide awake. Kazia giggled with one hand over her mouth.
"You should see your face," she whispered. "Come on, let's go watch the sunrise before Mom wakes up."
Zuko looked over his shoulder to see Katara still fast asleep beside him. Her face looked younger as she slept, like she was still the teenager he'd known at Ember Island.
Stifling a groan, Zuko let Kazia pull him out of bed.
They hiked down the mountain to the Royal Plaza, where Zuko showed Kazia a hidden beach accessed through a small cave. His cousin Lu-Ten had shown him the cave when they were children. Even though Lu-Ten had been ten years older, he had occasionally made time for Zuko between assaults on the Earth Kingdom and strategy meetings at the palace.
"This beach is only accessible during low tide," Zuko explained as he led Kazia through the darkness, lit only by a small flame in Zuko's palm. Kazia hopped from boulder to boulder as she followed him.
When they emerged onto the beach, the sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon. The blueness of the sky contrasted with the grey waves crashing against the shore. In the distance, the statue of Zuko's grandfather loomed over the bay. Zuko had had plans to have the statue ceremoniously torn down, but it was just another item on an ever-expanding list of changes. He sighed and picked up a small, flat rock.
Kazia was already knee-deep in the ocean. The water around her was still, despite the raucous waves crashing against the beach as the tide came in.
"Have you ever skipped rocks?" Zuko asked. She shook her head, and Zuko wondered where her sudden shyness had come from.
He pulled back his arm and flicked his wrist, sending the smooth stone over the waves. One. Two. It would have gone farther if not for the waves. Kazia grinned. "Will you show me how?" she asked.
Zuko helped her find several smooth, flat stones, and taught her how to flick her wrist to send the stones skipping along the surface of the water. The waves certainly weren't helping, but she caught on. Zuko noticed how ice formed in a small patch every time her stones hit the water. He shook his head, marveling at her bending. He pressed his fingertips together for a moment before letting out a rain of sparks across the water like tiny fireworks. Kazia clapped in delight.
"I wish I was a firebender like you," she said. "Waterbending is dumb."
"Don't let your mom hear that," Zuko teased. "I like waterbending. I've always thought it was the most beautiful form of bending."
"Really?" Kazia asked, looking up at him.
"Yeah! The ebb and flow, and the movements are much more fluid than any of the others. Have you seen any earthbenders?"
She nodded. "We visit Aunt Toph all the time, and she loves to show me earthbending. One time we spent the whole day in a dark cave, and she tried to get me to pretend I was earthbending like a badger-mole. It was really fun."
"Did it work? Did you earthbend?" Zuko asked carefully.
Kazia laughed like he was a younger child. "No, stupid, waterbenders can't earthbend too."
One can, he thought. Instead, he squatted over the ground, his feet wide apart. "I'm an earthbender," he said in a low, gruff voice. "Watch me move rocks!" He pretended to shove a large boulder with both hands. Kazia laughed, her hands on her knees.
"Now do airbending!" she said.
Zuko stood on his tiptoes and spoke in a falsetto. "Ooo, look at me, I'm a dainty airbender!" he said, puffing air through his pursed lips. Kazia cracked up, and Zuko started laughing with her.
"Now waterbending!"
"Oh no, I'd be too scared to make fun of waterbending. You'd freeze me into a giant ice cube and I'd never get out!"
Kazia grinned and danced into the water. Water swirled around her dress like long tendrils of grass. She seemed happy, carefree. His childhood had been anything but easy, especially after his mother had left. Suddenly he could understand why Katara was so protective of Kazia. He had never wanted something as much as he wanted to keep Kazia in this happy, carefree life.