{Chapter}
~Liberty Point of View~
I slowly came to the awareness of something softly touching me, the running of fingers through my hair actually. I tensed a little confused before the sweet smell that I always associated with Edward filled my nose. I blinked my eyes open noticing that not only was there, but I was snuggled up to his chest. It was a very unusual situation.
I glanced up at him taking in his soft eyes and a gentle smiled. I knew I had asked him to stay, had been the one to practically refuse to let him go. I wanted to cringe at the weakness, the moment that I had selfishly accepted comfort from someone. I tensed recalling the actions that led me to being in this bed. I took a breath slowly rising feeling the slight pain from my head at the action. It was nowhere near as painful as it had been yesterday.
"Good morning" Edward whispered as I looked at him my body aching at the movements as I attempted to put some distance between us
"Morning" I mumbled flinching when I lifted my arms to stretch
"Are you okay?" He questioned quickly closing the distance I had created
"Just a little sore" I explained taking a breath "I imagine that the broken bones are already healed, by tomorrow or the next day, I should be good as new"
"You should take it easy" He is protesting when I rose from the bed "Your exhaustion symbols will remain for some time, you should rest"
"I need to move around" I said seriously hating the flashes of pain at shaking my head "But I will take it easy"
"Carlisle wants to perform a checkup to ensure that you are well enough to be moving around" Edward said reaching out to steady me when my legs wavered under the pressure
"I really want to take a shower first" I said seriously feeling the sticky substance from the monitors all over me
"Of course, you do" Alice chimed in at the door as I smiled at her "I foresaw that and brought you some clean clothes"
"Thanks" I softly whispered as she pounced on me
"I was so scared I would lose you, please don't do that again. I can't lose you Liberty, you are my best friend" She whispered softly as I shallowed thickly hugging her tighter
"Sorry, Alice" I said gently as Edward growled when I flinched when she tightened her arms again
"Alice" Edward warned as she pulled back looking sheepishly at me
"Sorry" She mumbled causing me to smile softly
"It's okay" I replied taking the clothes from her "I would like to get the shower now"
"I will get it ready for you" Edward whispered kissing my forehead before glancing at Alice "Alice, leave my room"
"Fine" Alice said with a happy smirk as I chuckled knowing from the look on Edward's face, she most likely thought a threat at him "I will see you soon, Liberty"
"Come on" Edward stated picking me up before I could protest
"I can walk, you know?" I said feeling my eyebrow raise in question
"I know you can, but I wanted to carry you" Edward whispered with a smirk causing me to sigh knowing better to argue with him
"Fine" I mumbled as I felt him chuckling at my pout
I rolled my eyes as he sat me down on the sink going to turn on the shower. I was surprised when he pulled out my favorite shampoo and conditioner from the cabinet. I raised my eyebrow at him in question wondering why they were in his bathroom.
"I wanted to ensure that if you need them, they were here" He explained looking a little uncomfortable, I was fairly sure that if he were able, he would be blushing in the moment.
"That is actually really considerate, thank you" I said with a smile as he nodded grabbing me from the counter to finally allow me to my feet
"If you need anything, just said my name" He said softly pulling me into his arms breathing in my scent "Carlisle wants to check you over once you are done"
"Okay" I said as he released me "Thank you, I won't be long"
"Take as long as you need, we have all the time in the world" He joked with a bright smile
"Edward" I said in complete surprise before laughing in amusement as he shut the door behind him
The shower is exactly what I needed in this moment. The hot water allowed me to gather my thoughts and try to understand what was going on in my situation. Yesterday had clearly not happened the way it had in the books, thanks to my intervention. I was well aware that I had tried to maintain that this wasn't the books, but yesterday and the accident still happened. I couldn't help but wonder if I was actually doing more harm than good at this point.
~Time Lapse
I fought the urge to sigh at Edward waiting for me outside the bathroom. I knew that he was worried, that yesterday was terrifying to him. I didn't fully understand it, so much had happened, and my head was a mess. I tried to get my body to relax as Edward grabbed my hand to lead me downstairs.
I barely reached the bottom step before I sweep up in a hug that immediately had me tensing against. I knew that logically that Emmett would never purposely harm me, but there was something wrong with my mind that couldn't fully accept that.
"You scared the undead life out of me, Little Flame" He boom causing me to flinch the loud voice right in my ear "Don't do that again"
"I will try not to" I said a little weakly as I was set back on my feet feeling a little lightheaded and it caused me to sway slightly
"Emmett" Edward scolded reaching out to steady me "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, just a little lightheaded" I whispered a little ashamed of the pained look on Emmett's face "I am fine, really"
"You sure?" He asked with a frown as I smiled at his concern
"Yeah, I am positive." I confirmed giving him a smile that had him nodding relaxing significantly
"How is the head?" Rose questioned in clear concern
"It is healed; I imagine that Carlisle is waiting to give me a check up to be sure" I explained glancing at him holding Esme "Right?"
"Yes, I would like to take you to the hospital for a scan to be sure. It was concerning yesterday; I want to confirm the level of concussion that remains" He explained as I nodded feeling Edward draw me into his arms
"Would you mind me coming with you?" He whispered as I sighed knowing that it wasn't the best idea, lord knows that yesterday was messed up enough
"You mind staying here? I am sure you could use the time to hunt while I speak with Carlisle and have him run the tests he needs to do" I said honestly as I felt him tense
"That is what you want?" He questioned as I shallowed at the clear pain in his voice
"It is what is needed" I stated as softly as I could squeezing his hand "You go hunt and Carlisle will ensure that my injuries are healing"
He immediately looked at Carlisle awaiting his thoughts on the subject. I hated it, that he needed confirmation from his own father. I knew that yesterday had shaken his confidence in my ability to protect myself, even I was a little shaken about it. If I hadn't been so exhausting and dealing with so much within my own mind, I could have managed that better. I knew that, still didn't mean that it didn't sting that he needed someone to confirm it.
"Edward" Jasper stated seriously as I glanced at him to see him giving me an understanding smile
"I am sorry" Edward said holding my face "I am just worried"
"I know" I replied wrinkling my nose "But this is something I need to manage on my own and besides Carlisle will be with me the entire time"
"Very well" He stated before pulling me close hugging me gently "I will see you after your checkup then"
"Yep" I said swallowing thickly at the strange softness in his eyes, I couldn't manage that look and what it meant
I took a breath trying to shake the emotions and overwhelming thoughts from my mind. I forced a smile to my lips as I turned to Carlisle knowing that he could barely contain his excitement at studying my healing in real time for a change.
~Time Lapse
I took a breath from Carlisle's study as he walked in with the new scans of my injuries. Of course, I knew that I didn't need to worry about people finding out because Carlisle would do what was needed to ensure my secret was safe.
"How are the scans?" I questioned quickly as soon as he took a seat
"The bones look like they were healing for weeks, there is just a slight weakened spot on your skull left. I imagine that it will take a day or two for your brain tissue to fully heal as well" He explained with a strange excitement
"I kind of figured that" I replied raising my eyebrow "You knew I healed quickly"
"It is truly remarkable" He stated with a chuckle "Hearing about it and seeing the effects before my very eyes is completely different"
"So, I am good to go then?" I questioned as he shook his head "What do you mean?"
"I am a concerned over the exhaustion symptoms you have been showing" He explained causing me to flinch "I wanted to see if perhaps you would be willing to take sleeping aids to assist with the problems you have been having"
"No" I said shaking my head as he frowned "I can't take sleeping meds"
"I understand your reluctance to rely on medications, but you need rest. Your mind can only function on lack of sleep for so long and with the recent concussion, I am afraid of the lasting effects it may have" He stated seriously as I flinched already understanding what could occur
"I have tried them before" I explained still shaking my head "They don't help"
"There may be different ones that I can prescribe you, ones that may be more affective" He replied as I flinched at the very thought of being on them again
"You don't understand" I stated taking a breath "Some keep me in such a deep state of sleep that I couldn't wake up, I would end up harming myself. Others made me have night terrors when I was awake. They don't work at all; they are too dangerous for me to even attempt it"
"There could be some that could help" He said with a frown
"I tried thirty-seven different medications that all had varying dangerous results, I won't risk it. Just trust me when I say that they are not an option, not if the goal is getting me healthy" I stated as honestly as I could
"If you refuse medications that can help you, perhaps talking to someone can help" He stated with a raised eyebrow causing me to smile sadly
"It really isn't something that I am ready to speak about" I explained taking a breath "It's not that I don't want to get this back under control, I just need time to figure out what I need to do"
"Is there something that caused it? I know with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that there are triggers that can cause these night terrors to arise" He offered as I nodded in confirmation
"Yeah, I actually think it just might be adjusting to things that I never expected to deal with before. I just haven't had to face these particular reminders of my past. I just need to figure out what I need to do to get past it or at least accept it." I said biting my lip
"I imagine that with everything that has occurred in these last few months that are quite a lot of things that you are attempting to come to terms with. I just hope that you are aware that you are not alone in this, that myself and my family are there for you should you need anything" He replied with a look of complete honestly
"I know that, but that might be a problem in itself. I am not used to having people to support me and I am struggling to come to terms with the affect that I am having here. Yesterday was something that confirmed how much I am changing things without meaning too, I am just not sure where to go from here" I stated feeling a little angry at myself "I don't want to take something good away from your family, away from Edward"
"I will not pretend to comprehend that you are facing, that reality versus the story you came here knowing. I just hope that you will consider the vast difference that you have noted between the story and this reality. I hope that while doing what you need to do to come to terms with the changes in your life, that you do not forget how extremely important you are to us" He said softly as I nodded getting a little teary eyed at his understanding
"I know" I said taking a shaky breath "I need to do this alone for now, it's the only way I really know how to manage it"
~Time Lapse
I tensed the moment we pulled into the driveway, and I saw the familiar police car. I was not prepared for this, for seeing her and interacting with her like this. I felt extremely shaky as I exited the car walking into the house. Carlisle's hand found my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. I forced a light smile to my face as I turned the corner to see Charlie and Bella sitting on the couch. I immediately felt sick.
"Here, you shouldn't be standing" Carlisle stated looking concern as I felt all the blood drain from my face
"Thanks" I mumbled feeling a little dizzy as I glanced at Charlie trying not to focus on the girl "How are you, Sherriff Swan?"
"I should be asking you that" He replied with a frown as I tried to look less pained and more amused
"I am fine, really." I said waving him off as Edward took a seat at my side causing me to flinch as Bella tracked his movement
"We are making sure she takes it easy" Edward stated wrapping an arm around my shoulder
"I am thankful for your actions that saved Bella" Charlie said softly "You were stupid but brave"
"Thank you, Liberty" Bella mumbled looking extremely uncomfortable, I imagine because of the two vampires in the room with me or maybe because of Edward being at my side and not hers
"No problem, I am happy that you were not harmed" I said trying to hide my panic and urge to run from the room
"If you keep this up though, I will have to start paying you for your heroic deeds" Charlie joked weakly as I attempted to smile at him
"Sometimes, I can't help myself" I said trying to sound amused but the tightening in my chest made it really uncomfortable
"Try to be more careful" Charlie said standing up "We just stopped by to check on you and thank you, we are going to go and leave you to get some rest. No offense, but it looks like you really need it"
"Thanks" I mumbled waving to them as Carlisle went to show them out as I was quickly losing control of my breathing
"Liberty" Edward whispered as my chest tightened painfully and my lungs burned "Liberty, what is going on?"
"I can't" I said trying to force my lungs to work as I was quickly overwhelmed looking up at him
"She is having a panic attack" Carlisle said from somewhere as I felt lightheaded as I realized I couldn't breathe
"Liberty, I need you to take a breath" Edward urged forcing me to look at him as I couldn't really focus on him "Breathe for me"
I shook my head unable to speak, unable to force my lungs to do their job, and unable to regain control of my own body. Edward's hands found my shoulders as I sharply took notice of it.
"Breathe" He commanded seriously as my hands flew to his chest fisting his shirt "In and out, Liberty. You can do this, just breathe for me"
It felt like a lifetime for I finally managed to suck in a breath. The oxygen filled my lungs, but it did nothing for the panic overwhelming my senses. I was suddenly hit by a wave of something that made me feel very relaxed and heavy.
"Thank you, Jasper" Edward stated as I closed my eyes under the weight of the exhaustion feeling Edward pick me up into his arms.
~Time Lapse
The next time I opened my eyes I began aware of me laying in Edward's room once again. I hated it, that I was laying in this room. I didn't really hate it, I hated that I was comfortable here. I didn't belong here; I didn't belong anywhere.
"Liberty" Edward whispered kneeling next to the bed
"Edward" I softly replied as he smiled that bright smile at me that always made my heart beat a little faster
"How are you feeling?" He questioned as I bit my lip knowing what I needed to do and I knew it would hurt him, something I wanted to avoid "Liberty?"
"I will be okay" I stated sitting up as Alice appeared in the doorway
"You can't leave" She said brokenly causing Edward to make a strange choking sound at my side
"I have to" I said honestly knowing that this situation, I needed clarity and I couldn't get that here
"You can't" Edward said brokenly as I looked at him, my heart shattering at the look on his face "I can't lose you"
"Can you answer me something?" I questioned and he nodded becoming confused again "Do you feel anything for Bella?"
"The girl?" He questioned with a frown shaking his head "No, I don't feel anything for her"
"That is why I think that I am making a mistake staying here" I whispered hearing Alice gasp as Edward growled lightly
"You can't leave" He said seriously "Whatever it is, we can figure it out together"
I closed my eyes knowing that he couldn't understand why I needed to leave. I couldn't stay here and continue to keep him from loving her. I already made so many mistakes in my life. I knew the price of me attempting to hold onto anything. It never ended well, especially for those around me.
"In the story, you fall in love with Bella" I whispered watching as he looked confused again "I am standing in the way of that, and I already have taken too much just by being here"
"No" Alice said seriously as I glanced at her "Fate doesn't work like that; you can't decide that because of the story that you are disrupting things and need to leave"
"I don't think it's just the story, there is something wrong with me" I stated honestly shaking my head "I refuse to stand in the way of Edward finding happiness with Bella."
"You seem to think that I have no choice in the matter" Edward whispered causing me to glance at him my heart breaking at the look on his face "That Bella is my destiny because of a story that you read in your world"
"I am just saying that you could find happiness with her" I replied softly as he reached forward touching my face
"This is not a story Liberty" He said softly causing me to look at him in question "You were not in the story, have you ever thought that maybe that girl isn't the one for me? That perhaps in this story that she was your replacement?"
"Impossible. That isn't possible" I said unable to think of anything else
"It is very possible, because it is true" He whispered with a smile "I have known for quite some time that you are my mate, that you are the one that I would do anything for. This story may tell you that I fall for her, but it is wrong. You are the one that holds everything I am, the one that changed me, and the only one that I have and will ever love"
"Edward" I said softly before he moved closer "How? How can you be so sure that you are not meant to love her? You don't even know me enough"
"I know you, Liberty. I won't pretend to know everything about you" He said with a chuckle "But I want to spend an eternity getting to know every little thing about you. I know that she isn't the one for me, she doesn't hold the same fascination that you instilled in me. She doesn't cause me to feel emotions that I never thought possible for a soulless being such as myself. You have become the center of my world without even trying. She may have been the one in this story you know so much about, but it is you that is my mate."
"But Bella" I whined weakly, and I knew I needed to get away from here to think
"She is a nice and honest girl from what little attention I have paid to her. I have not felt the need to pay her any real thought or attention, as she is just another normal human to me. The only thing is her scent is stronger, but nothing compared to what your scent has instilled in me. A scent that belongs to you alone, not even the other Liberty held it. You know why your scent is so different? Why are the others not affected but I am?"
"No, I don't know the reason. Why?" I stated honestly knowing that there had been reference to it, but no one had told me why
"Because it shows me that you are my mate, that you are the one made for me" He stated with a smile as I lost my ability to breath
"But you wanted to drain me in the hospital?" I questioned in confusion as he chuckled shaking his head
"No, I wanted to turn you and keep you forever" He said breathing in my scent "I got used to it, the scent of blood that entices me. But there is no doubt, that you are my true mate. You are the one destined for me. You look past what I am, making me desire to become the person you see in me. You are the one that changes everything just by existing, you are the one that brought an end to my endless night. I wish for nothing more than to show you"
"Why?" I said unable to understand, love wasn't something that I could understand
"For so many reasons" Edward whispered looking at me with a soft look "and listing them all will take the rest of my life"
"There is nothing special about me" I stated honestly shifting at the uncomfortable feeling in my chest
"You don't see yourself clearly then" He replied with a smile "You are the most honest person any of us have ever met. You care with everything you do. You are brave and selfless in ways that aren't commonly found. Your smile has the ability to light up the room, bringing happiness with that simple action to those around you. You truly don't understand how amazing you are."
"Edward" I whispered I little stunned as he just took my hands in his
"I adore that you are fascinated with simply everything around you. I am in awe that you see each of my family members for who they truly are and care about them still. I am amazed that you see me for who I truly them and not only understand it but don't take my excuses" He state softly as I let out a choked sob
"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, like an angel from heaven" He continued forcing me to look at him again "Your eyes are the most unique color blue I had ever seen; they seem to stare straight through me. You touch warms me to the core and makes me ache to show you how much I love you. You scent soothes the beast in me and calms my doubts. I love that you are unpredictable and use knowledge as a way of life. I know that I am not good enough for you, but I want to be. No, I need to be. You make me want to be the best version of myself and I am not there yet but give me time"
I could feel myself begin to shake feeling nothing by overwhelming emotion at the soft words. The light shining in his eyes, and I knew that he was telling the truth. But I couldn't understand it, I couldn't accept it.
"I can't find one thing about you that I don't love unconditional. I love when you depend on me when you were scared. I love the faith you have in me and how you make me want to believe that I have a soul. I love how you turn my world upside down with everything you do. There are no where enough words in this world to describe how much I love you" He said looking directly in my eyes with a shine in them that was not there two months before
"Please, give me one chance to show you. I know that you don't trust easily or let yourself love but just give me time to show you that you can trust me. Give me the chance to show you that I will love you forever, that it will always be you that I need" Edward pleaded, and my head spun
My mind was in utter chaos unable to believe anything that was happening to me or what he was saying. I gasps for breaths as I felt my ability to breath leave me and my vision began to blur. I couldn't manage this; I couldn't contain the overwhelming emotions within me. I struggle against it as I felt arms around me as Jasper's ability hit me full force.
"Too much" I whispered after a moment feeling tears in my eyes "It's too much"
"Tell me what you need" Edward stated holding me gently
"I don't know even know what is wrong with me" I stated still shaking uncontrollably "I don't know how to feel when I am feeling too much"
"Do you care for me?" Edward questioned lowly and I blinked back some tears
"Of course, I do" I said honestly "You are so important to me. It's not you"
"Then what is it?" He asked as I looked up seeing his tore expression
"I don't know anything about love" I explained flinching at the look of understanding that he was giving me "I can't do this, decide this, when I am so confused about my own mind"
"Then I will wait" Edward stated it was the simplest decision of his life
"Edward, I don't want you to wait for me. I don't even know if I can figure this out" I said shaking my head
"Then, we will figure it out together" He replied as I flinched at the notion "Tell me what it is that you need from me"
"Space" I replied softly hating the pained look in his eyes "I need to figure this out, but this is something that I need to do on my own for now"
"You are leaving, aren't you? There is nothing I can stop you from making that choice" He stated softly as I nodded unable to deny it
"I have to" I said glancing around to see all the concerned looks "This isn't just you or her, it is everything that is crashing into me. I haven't really faced anything, just ran from it. I can't choose anything when I don't even understand anything that I am feeling"
"You need to do this?" Edward asked as I nodded knowing this is the only way "You do plan on returning?"
"Yes, of course I do" I said honestly "I just need to figure myself out before I make any decisions."
"Where are you going to go?" He questioned touching my face
"I don't know" I replied as he nodded pulling me close as I relaxed breathing in his comforting scent
"You will be safe?" He asked as I smiled knowing that his worrying ways would get the best of him
"Yes, I promise that I will be as safe as I can be" I said honestly pulling back to look at him "Don't worry about me"
"I will always worry about you" He replied with a broken chuckle "I know you can take care of yourself. I know that you feel that you need to do this, I may not understand it, but I know you need it"
"Thank you" I said pulling away placing a kiss on his cheek "I promise to return when I got my head right"
"I love you" He whispered as I shallowed giving him a soft smile
"I know" I said honestly knowing without any doubt that he loved me "I don't know what I feel, but I do know that I care for you. I am sorry that I can't give you more than that right now"
"That is more than enough" Edward whispered as I took a shaky breath kissing his cheek turning to Alice
"Do you think you can take me to Virginia's? I need to talk to her about this" I stated as Alice nodded looking extremely sad over it
I stood from the bed trying not to look back knowing that the look of pain in his eyes would give me pause. I needed to figure this out, I needed to face my own past, and I needed to do that on my own. I couldn't stay and continue running from the feeling that I didn't deserve this, that I was unworthy of being loved. In order to confront that, I needed to face the place that made me seem worthless.