...

Unsurprisingly, there was already a party going on in the make-shift court before us. The sounds of cheers and a good time rising as the dining guards stationed on the outskirts of it took notice of our arrival. All of them barely paying any attention to a newcomer within the party- Hell the direwolves barely got a raised eyebrow.

Leave it to Robert Baratheon to pre-emptively set up a party for his return.

Jumping off the horse before the king was probably seen as bad decorum given the sudden minor shift in those who could see, but I didn't really care as I walked ahead, Robert and his entourage jumping down immediately after, the man's booming voice filled with cheer as he high-tailed it towards the nearest make-shift table, that been an oversized tree stump, with drinks on it.

I idly waited as he picked up the biggest wooden cup, before I promptly picked up another and walked past the bemused, albeit somehow still cheery guards.

It was telling that Ned himself immediately picked up another, and rapidly downed it without a missed beat.

Turning my gaze I watched as the rest of Roberts guard and two knights quickly surrounded him as I let them walk past me, albeit pickpocketing a dagger from one of them- Something that Ned picked up on given the fucker was staring at me like a hawk.

I shrugged at him, and calmly hid the dagger behind me.

He narrowed his eyes at me.

I bought up the drink in hand.

"Cheers?" I grinned at him.

"...You're not going to stab yourself with that, are you?" He questioned gruffly, ignoring the nearest guards who could clearly hear him.

I shrugged in response.

"Jury's out," Before I promptly turned my gaze ahead and followed the King's pace, the man hightailing it for the middle of the camp, bypassing the large ass carriage and promptly took his place on the make-shift wooden throne beside his clearly irritated wife. "'Sides," I let the grin grow a tad as I stared pointedly at Stark. "I've some Lannisters to insult."

And before he could respond to that, I watched as the direwolves beside us were promptly engulfed by their owners, Ned's attention monetarily shifting and softening towards his daughters as I took my chance to leave him behind.

...

The party atmosphere itself was admittedly contagious- I wasn't sure how I'd found myself in one of the make-shift tables but here I was drinking away and refilling my cup.

I had to admit it was somewhat fun having a relatively normal tolerance again.

Still, after Robert's fun for the evening was clearly reaching it's limit- Judging by the man's drunken face, I finally took my leave of the guards I'd befriended for some reason, and stood up from my spot.

The attention on me wasn't immediate, but it quickly started growing as I steadily made my way towards the head-table, one filled with the royal children, guarded by the kings guard, and the Hand and his two children.

Throughout the festive mood, Eddard had considerably gotten less and less worried with every gaze he'd set on me, evidently feeling secure in the idea I wouldn't do something stupid anytime soon.

Come the morning, according to Robert, the massive group would make their way towards King's Landing with haste, given the half a day they'd lost thanks to runaway direwolves, and a very keen man trying to be a good father.

A strange thing for the populous around us for certain.

Still, with every growing eye on me, with every step I took, I quickly had the full attention of the court of simpering idiots, minor lords, and of course household guards.

"You know, must be real nice to be king, aye?" I snorted. "Don't ever have to wipe your ass with all these ass-kissers nearby!"

My eyes however, despite the king's amused gaze on me, never left the smug-face of one Jamie Lannister. Stood right behind the King and Queen.

Cersei herself was admittedly enough rather easy on the eyes, even if she was a terrible headache on the mind.

I raised my tankard, grinning all the while.

"Ah- Where was I? Oh right, to Jaime Lannister!" The make-shift courts voices silenced quickly at my words. "The King-slayer who saved a city-" A single beat passed, as Jaime's smug look slowly whittled out in favour of slight bemusement. "-And somehow forgot the fucking wildfire beneath it!" I lowered my tankard as I let everyone process my words. "Didn't you know? Wildfire grows more dangerous with every goddamn second it's left unattended." I shook my head, and promptly raised my tankard towards the somewhat paler knight. "To the dumbest mother-" My eyes momentarily swivelled to a very irritated queen. "-fucker-" The pinched look was rapidly replaced by concern. "-in the history of knights!"

Was I surprised that, barring a single cough and a vast majority of spit-falls flying around at my statement, silence was what I got in turn.

No, I wasn't.

Was I surprised at the dawning realisation in the King-slayer's eyes, that shifted his rather pissed and wary expression, to a quickly paranoid one?

Again, no.

I was however surprised to see the dumb fuck take out his sword in front of his king, and demand a goddamn duel for his honour.

I gave him a deadpan stare, as did most of the court.

When the king made to veto the duel, having grown fond of me- my statement even getting a fucking snigger out of him, I stopped him from doing so and just started laughing out loud.

He clearly thought I was joking about the wildfire.

Ned, given the very pale face, knew I wasn't.

"...Raise your weapon..." Jaime Lannister remarked through grit teeth, his paranoia giving away to minor hints of anger.

"Sure!" I deadpanned, and promptly waved my tankard around. "Let's see how your sword fares against a tankard!" And continued laughing in his face.

Judging by the look on said face, he clearly thought me mad.

Judging by the look on Robert's face, he clearly wanted to see me try and duel one of the Kingsguard with a fucking tankard of all things, even if he was resigned at what the expected result was.

Several of those closest to the middle- And me, promptly edged their seats further away.

Jaime's twitching expression was rather fun to take in as I raised an eyebrow at him, his bravado clearly shaken by my stupidity.

"...I'll not-"

"Besides, don't you need honour for an honour duel?" I deadpanned, and cut off whatever he'd been about to say as minor hints of laughter filled my surrounding.

Jaime Lannister let out a sigh, and stepped around the dais, his blade raised.

"Very well, if you insist on dying out of stupidity," He let a sardonic smile fill his face. "Who am I to judge for your choice of weaponry?"

I nodded amiably at him, before tilting my head as the smile vanished from my face, mock-bemusement filling my face.

"Well, I mean if you insist, I can use this dagger?" I deadpanned, taking out said dagger with my free hand.

"...A dagger?" He questioned with a mocking tone, before indicating his already drawn blade. "Against a longsword?" A single beat passed, before he let out a sigh. "Do you even know how to use it?" he questioned mockingly.

I nodded amiably.

"I would use something smaller than a dagger-" I waved said cup around, "-but your manhood isn't available."

Needless to say, he didn't hesitate as he promptly swung an overhead swipe at me, and despite my disgruntlement, my instincts kicked in as I parried the blade, using most of his force against him, with said dagger and promptly smashed the tankard in my other hand right onto his face.

Unbalanced by the sudden attack, I watched as he rapidly pulled himself together, a snarl on his face as blood dripped down from a gash on his forehead, and with a bit more force and a much worse stance, he swiped again-

Instead of parrying, I swiftly dodged the swipe to his surprise, moved in between his guard, twisted into a turn on my feet and grabbed hold of his sword arm with both hands over my shoulder and used the rest of his momentum to judo drop him onto the floor, before quickly moving my dagger right above his wide-eyes.

"Rookie." I snorted, promptly raised myself back up and turned my back towards him as I quickly mock bowed before the king.

"To Jaime Lannister everybody!" I promptly continued laughing before sheathing the blade back into my tattered belt behind me.

Needless to say, I winked at the queen as Jaime Lannister got up behind me, a snarl on his face-

"I didn't yeil-" He was about to say as he swung from behind me, an attack I swiftly dodged again, despite not even turning to look towards him, before using one foot behind one of his own given he'd overextended, and promptly pulled it towards me, before quickly crouching as I put enough force into a kick on his chest and pushed him back down onto his back again.

Unfortunately, before the dumb fucker could get another chance at it, a very amused Robert promptly called a halt to the mockery of the duel, even as his wife seethed beside him.

Arya Stark however had the goofiest fucking grin on her face out of everyone else.

...

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