Hi there. This account is inactive and has been inactive for many years now. I don’t have any plans to revive it, but I found my old profile archived on the Wayback Machine and thought it would be fun to repost it. This is what my profile looked like on November 26, 2004, in all its embarrassing teenage glory.

For the record, I was 14 years old when I wrote this.

November 26, 2004:

Why hello there! I am The Hobbit Lass, and I see you have accidentally stumbled upon my author bio. It's pretty long so I doubt anyone will read it, but I don't care. Okay, so here’s some stuff about me:

Name: *creepy Gollum voice* Musn't ask us, not its business!!

Age: Don’t feel like saying.

Live: I choose to conceal that information.

Random Stuff About Me: Well, let’s see… I am obsessed with Lord of the Rings, Tamora Pierce books, and hobbits! I also love coffee, ferrets, hobbits (okay, I said that already), reading, writing, drawing, and um… other stuff. I can’t think of any other stuff I like, because I’m lazy. But mostly I like Lord of the Rings!! I like it so much that it's scary!

My favorite movies are Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, Van Helsing, Star Wars, King Arthur, Troy, The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, Back to the Future trilogy, Spaceballs, and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory!! (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is very disturbing, which is why I like it!)

Well, now I will blab on about my favorite and least favorite characters from various stuff! First, I’ll talk about Lord of the Rings. MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS ARE THE HOBBITS!!! They’re just so cool, and I collect lots of hobbit stuff! YAY! My other favorite characters are Haldir and Faramir! My least favorite characters are Denethor Saruman, Boromir, and various other characters that I am too lazy to list. I also don’t like Legolas much because he’s nothing but a useless pretty captain obvious!! If you were to completely remove Legolas from both the books and the movies, the plot would still be the same!! That’s how useless he is!

Now, I’ll talk about Tamora Pierce. My favorite characters are Alanna, George, Owen (jolly!!), Aly, Neal, Dom, and Nawat! They are just all so extremely cool!! The person I hate most is Jonathan!! Words cannot express my hatred for him. I also can’t stand Liam!! He’s so annoying. And he gets mad at Alanna for every little thing she does! I also hate Thom, Alex, Roger, Josiane, and Cleon! (words also cannot express my hatred for Cleon) Um… I think I’m done talking about the characters from various stuff now.

Well, I don’t know what else to say, so I’ll put in a bunch of weird quotes from various movies/books that I find amusing!!

Carl: Why does it smell like wet dog in here? (Van Helsing)

Van Helsing: Now listen, whatever you do, don't stare at him.
Carl: (sees Frankenstein's monster) I'm staring at him! Is that a man? (Van Helsing)

Dracula: Igor, why do you torment that thing so?
Igor: It's what I do. (Van Helsing)

Carl: I don't know if you've looked in the mirror lately, but you'd kind of stick out in a crowd! (Van Helsing)

Carl: My granny could kill a warlock! (Van Helsing)

Neal: Joren is so pretty. Say, Garvey, are you two friends because you can have him? (Protector of the Small: Page)

Alanna: I’d as soon kiss a pig! Is that what you’ve been doing- kissing pigs? Or being kissed? (Song of the Lioness: Alanna: The First Adventure)

Neal: How can I be silent and yet apologize? (Protector of the Small: First Test)

Alanna: I’m not a boy. I’m a girl.
George: You’re a– you’re a what?! (Song of the Lioness: Alanna: The First Adventure) Hehe, if I was George I’d be disturbed out of my mind!

Nawat: Would you like a grub? I saved one just for you. (Trickster's Choice)

Gary: Ah, 'free time'. I've heard about that. (Song of the Lioness: Alanna the First Adventure)

Alanna: Your artwork’s improved. The one you did of Delia made her look like a cow. Now that I think of it, maybe that was your subject matter… (Song of the Lioness: Lioness Rampant)

Gandalf: In fact, it would be better if you do not speak at all, Peregrin Took. (The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)

Bilbo: I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve! (The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring)

Legolas: A diversion. (The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King) What a Captain Obvious!

Gollum: Smeagol wouldn't hurt a fly! (The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)

C-3PO: What do you mean, my parts are showing?! (Star Wars Episode I)

Lord Helmet: Yogurt! I hate Yogurt; even with strawberries!! (Spaceballs)

Barf: I’ll have the cleavage! (Spaceballs)

Yogurt: May the Schwartz be with you! (Spaceballs)

Lord Helmet: There is something that you should know. I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former room-mate!
Lonestarr: And what does that make us?
Lord Helmet: Absolutely nothing! (Spaceballs)

Master Tang: I’ve got some yellow liquid for your popcorn, and it’s non-dairy! (Kung Pow: Enter the Fist)

Jack Sparrow: The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink. The man who was sleeping drinks it while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking. (Pirates of the Caribbean)

Willy Wonka: The strawberries taste like strawberries, and the snozberries taste like snozberries! (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)

Beni: Hey O'Connell, it looks to me like I've got all the horses!
O'Connell: Hey Beni, it looks to me like you're on the wrong side of the river! (The Mummy)

Jonathan: I lie to everyone! What makes you so special? (The Mummy)

O'Connell: You're gonna get yours, Beni! You're gonna get yours!
Beni: Yeah, like I've never heard that before! (The Mummy)

Evelyn: You know your history.
O'Connell: I know my treasure.

O'Connell: Jonathan, I thought I said no more wild parties! (The Mummy Returns)

Evelyn: Those knickers are not mine. (The Mummy Returns)

Jonathan: I swear onthe head of my wife I don't know what you're talking about! Izzy: You ain't got a wife! (The Mummy Returns)

Biff: What are you looking at, butthead?! (Back to the Future)

Count Olaf: I'm so happy-go-lucky that lucky and happy people are going to beat me with sticks out of pure, unbridled jealousy! (A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Grim Grotto)

Okay, that’s enough quotes, I guess. You didn’t have to read them, I just put them there because they amuse me.

I can’t think of anything else to say. So, I guess I won’t say anymore. I regret to say that this is the end. I’m going now. *puts on a random ring* *nothing happens* Stupid cheap plastic ring that I found laying around in a gutter! *throws a tantrum* Okay, I'm done at last and you can finally be rid of me once and for all! *jumps on a Nazgul's fell beast and flies away screaming something about coffee*