"Okay, Miko, you ready to get your license?"
"Yes!"
"Yes, you're one hundred percent sure?"
"...Maybe."
Jack and Raf looked at her deadpanned, and Ratchet slapped a servo over his optics in a facepalm. Arcee and Bumblebee were confused, and Bulkhead and Optimus looked disappointingly neutral.
"Miko," Bulkhead said in all seriousness, "have you even been practicing with your foster parents as you said you were?"
The girl rubbed her arm, "Yeah...no. I figured since I've seen your actions while driving, I could mimic it."
The Wrecker sighed, "Oh Miko, that's just not how it works. You have to drive with parent or guardian present and get a feeling of actual driving. Watching can only do so much but not enough to prepare you."
"Okay, fine, but the truth is...nobody has the time to teach me," she said. "They are always busy with their jobs and I'm always here because there is no one to go home too, not just because I enjoy your company and love being at the base."
Bulkhead looked between Optimus and the kids before shaking his head, "Alright, I guess I'll be your teacher."
"Really, Bulk?! Wow, yes, awesome!"
"But we need a wide space away from base to practice on first before we hit the road, understand?"
"Absolutely," she squeaked in much more enthusiasm than Bulkhead knew how to deal with.
It was seven in the morning when they left the next day to a remote landscape with no cars, a few mountains in the background, and most of the ground was golden grass. By the time they got there, it was nine and Miko had a lot of energy. It was the weekend so no school to worry about either.
Bulkhead parked it and let Miko shift into the driver's seat. "So, what's the first thing you do when you get into a vehicle?"
"Aren't you supposed to be the teacher here?" Miko mused.
"I'm serious, call it a quiz of basic knowledge."
"Ugh, put on your seatbelt, turn the key, and move the gear stick into drive."
"No, that's skipping a few things. Seatbelt first, yes, but also check your mirrors to make sure you can see behind you from all three angles provided: left mirror, right mirror, and rear mirror. Then you start the car and put it in reverse or drive depending on the placement of your vehicle, right?"
"Yeah, yeah, I got this. You trust me, don't you?"
Bulkhead tried not to be rude but a slight edge in his voice kind of gave away his concern. "I...trust you. Fine, let's do a small ride from here to that boulder about three hundred feet away just to see how you do."
Miko checked her mirrors quickly and hit the gas hard, but then she frowned when she wasn't moving.
"Miko, my gear stick is in park. Move it down to drive, should be a large letter 'D' on the bottom. Don't force it or you'll break it."
"Oh."
She moved the shifter down to drive mode and hit the gas to Bulkhead's fear and they began to gain speed too quick when suddenly, the large vehicle screeched to a halt.
"Miko!"
"What? You said drive!" She argued.
"Miko, this isn't drag racing. Ease onto the gas pedal to go forward then put less pressure once you reach a steady speed. If you go too fast and try to turn the wheel, you'll spin out and crash! Also, be aware of your brake. It'll help. Try again but slower please."
While they began practicing, they didn't notice they were being watched. Breakdown and Knockout were scouting for Energon with a Vehicon troop when the tire screeches alerted them. They all appeared overlooking the scene.
"Isn't that Bulkhead?" Breakdown sneered.
"It appears so," Knockout said.
The Vehicons with them were prepared to go after the Autobot when Knockout held out an arm to stop them. Below, they could see Bulkhead's form driving then halting quick on and off, over and over. Their helms followed the spectacle and jerked slightly from the squealing break each time in went off in confusion.
"Either Bulkhead somehow got lousy at driving or that's not him," Knockout spoke with a raised brow.
"Or...he has a new driver," Breakdown began to chuckle as he pointed at the visible windshield showing Miko in the driver's seat. "Is he really teaching the human girl how to drive, are you serious?"
Then they heard Bulkhead's voice faintly, "Aw, Miko, no! It's the right-not that!"
The Decepticons snickered amongst themselves and Breakdown sat on the ground, arms resting over a rock and his helm on his arms. "I can watch this all day. Who needs to attack him when we can just watch this masterpiece of a show?"
"True," the medic laughed, taking his place by his partner's side. "Make sure you record this though."
"Oh, I am."
The Vehicons followed suit and all of them were sitting watching the horrible attempts at driving unfold before their optics.
Bulkhead, on the other hand, wasn't happy but hid it. "Miko, Miko! Put us in park please!"
Miko rubbed her temples, "I'm trying here, Bulk. Look, I press the gas and it wants to shoot forwards then you say break so I put on the break."
"Ease into both! You slam on the break too hard without warning and if people are behind you, you'll cause a wreck! And no, not wreck as in what I do for a living. I'm talking fender benders, what Jack described as insurance claims and worse, unnecessary potential injuries and death. I know I sound harsh but I need you to understand what the consequences of what you are doing is going to lead to."
"Am I driving you, Bulkhead, or am I driving Optimus?" Miko grinned.
"Come on, no jokes right now. Gently press the gas pedal. Trust me."
The girl breathed out and took the steering wheel and slowly put her foot on the gas. Bulkhead's vehicle started to roll to a nice 10 mph. She also pressed the brake gently with her other foot to ease to 5 mph but after a second, she sensed smoke and panicked, hitting the brake harder again.
"Are you okay, Bulk?! I'm not hurting you, am I?!"
"Miko, relax! That smell is just my brakes. What you are doing is you're using both feet and pressing both pedals at the same time. When driving, use only your right foot because pressing both pedals will normally shred down the brakes hence the smell. There should be an immobile pad for your left foot to stay on, do you see it?"
"Yeah?"
Bulkhead then said, "Good, keep your left foot on it. Never move it. Your right foot does both brake and gas. You switch between them just with your right foot. When you have it on the gas and you want to switch, the car, or in this case I, will continue to roll at the speed currently set while you have time to administer the brake. Got it?"
She started up again, this time keeping her left foot stable and using the right to press the gas. She eased into a 10 mph speed.
"Good, now go a little faster and start to turn at that rock."
She did what she was told, slowly turning the car around the boulder and a smile crept on her face. She switched her foot from the gas to the brake and eased on it to slow Bulkhead to a stop, this time without any lurches.
"I did it!" She yelled gleefully.
"Okay, now can you keep up the good work on a higher speed? Keep in mind, Miko, we're in grass and there are bound to be some small holes or uneven ground. Whatever you do, never let the wheel go or drift. Always hold it in the direction you want it."
"I can do this."
They started off the same and slowly gained speed up to 45 mph. There were a few drifts which she corrected to the amusement of their unknown onlookers and she slid out once taking a turn without breaking enough. But she was getting the hang of it.
Two hours passed and Miko was now learning on the road. The highway was smoother but she went a safe 55 mph, taking a scenic tour of the land. Their onlookers followed far behind but didn't engage.
"Nice! Okay, there's a car up ahead and I think we're going faster than them. You see those white lines? How they are solid? Solid means no passing so you may have to follow him for a while. However, if you see line segments on the road, you can pass only if it's safe meaning no cars ahead or if there are, they are far back enough to give you time to pass."
"Understood, Captain!"
The small car in front of them was going only 45 so Miko kept track of the lines until she saw the cut segments and turned on her blinker, making sure there was no oncoming traffic and speeding back up to 55. Behind her, she noticed a blue SUV following her lead and going around the car as well. She paid not much mind to it as she focused on the road. They were about an hour away from Jasper so she could use the experience she learned to head home.
Just then, the blue SUV slowly gained on them before initiating its blinker and passing her. She didn't notice at first but upon being side to side with it, she noticed it wasn't a civilian truck but a Bushmaster tactical vehicle. It took her a second to realize there was only one person she knew of with that vehicle. Instead of hitting her off the road, the vehicle she was pretty sure was Breakdown completed his pass and sped up slightly.
"Bulkhead?"
"Keep driving. If we do anything out of the norm, Breakdown will retaliate plus that car we passed was a human civilian so it would also endanger them. Just keep calm and keep going."
She listened but looked into the mirrors to see a cherry Aston Martin behind them and two purple cars slowly creeping up from passing the slow civilian. Why they didn't decide to bump the human off the road was odd but maybe they were trying to make Bulkhead accidentally slip up from pressure of their pursuit and expose himself...or they were watching the driving lessons the entire time and wanted to lead her and Bulkhead to a secure setting to attack them.
"Bulkhead, you there? How long has it been now? Almost a month since we've seen each other? I've missed you," Breakdown's voice chided through Bulkhead's radio comm seemingly for Miko to hear as well.
"What do you want?" He growled.
"Say, you seem to have that pet of yours with you today. Mika, was it? If I didn't know any better, you let a human take control of you. That's a new low."
Miko scowled, "Hey bruiser-for-brains, the name's Miko and if you don't mind, can you clash with Bulkhead elsewhere? Not that I don't enjoy seeing your aft get kicked but we're kind of busy trying to prepare for a driving test. Maybe we'll meet up again, next time on Tuesday?"
"Miko," Bulkhead groaned.
"Oh ho, I see why Bulkhead likes you. Quite the smart mouth on you, fleshy. So, my question is, now that I'm curious, what exactly are you controlling him for? What's a driver's test?"
She rolled her eyes, "It's basically a rite of passage for humans to operate vehicles and such, you know the ones that aren't sentient that were invented for human transportation. Around sixteen or so near adulthood or if preferred to get it during adulthood, you get a chance to learn to drive and you have to take a driving test to earn a license. Basically, it's a card that permits you to operate on the roads maintained by the state or country legally. Bulkhead...is helping me learn because nobody else wanted to...teach me."
There was a slight regret telling her enemy that and it still made her sad but she muscled through, especially if Breakdown was planning to be a jerk about it. Surprisingly, he wasn't.
"Wait, you went to Bulkhead for that? One of us could have taught you way faster than him."
"Hey!" Bulkhead snarled.
Breakdown chuckled, "Listen, kid, driving is almost the same as walking. It's really easy. Always be aware of your surroundings...like this!"
Miko pressed down on the brakes when Breakdown hit his and she almost reared ended him. This time she didn't slam them down hard enough to make Bulkhead hit Knockout and the drones, but it was enough to make the medic and his posse back off front tailgating her.
"Breakdown, you almost made me cause a wreck!" Miko frowned grumpily as the Decepticon sped up again.
"You seemed to have gotten better since we saw you driving the first time. See, like walking your instincts made you automatically act on the brake. And you thought I was being cruel now."
"Breakdown, although you made a good example of brake checking, I don't need your help to teach her. Don't you have some stupid task Buckethead set you up to do?"
"But he does have a point, Autobot," Knockout's voice suddenly came through. "We could bump you off this road right now, make you spin out and crash but think of this as a lesson in defensive driving. It's something that cannot be learned until you've experienced it firsthand, and the good news is you will be there to prevent more serious versions of the same scenarios from happening to your driver."
Bulkhead didn't seem fond of the idea but Miko genuinely wanted to know what they would do. She smirked, "Alright then, boys, teach me."
On cue, Knockout sped up and made to pass her but kept right behind in the oncoming lane thankfully with no cars around. In her left mirror, she could see him flashing his headlights. "Do you know what this means?"
"Warning lights?"
"Sometimes but really, they're signals. When someone flashes for you behind or in front at a stop of some sort, in generally means that person is giving you the right away to turn, get in front of them, and so on. Right now, I want you to pass Breakdown and as you can see, I'm giving you the right away to go merge out first to pass him."
Breakdown laughed again, "Go for it, kid. I won't mind."
Following Knockout's instructions, Miko pulled into the oncoming lane and sped past Breakdown with Knockout trailing her. She grinned wider when Breakdown honked as if to be playful. Once she settled back in front of the tactical truck, Knockout came roaring past and took the lead.
On the remaining way back to Jasper, Knockout and Breakdown were very helpful with their inputs on driving. Bulkhead even opened up a bit more about it when sharing his opinion on the unspoken rules of the road which led to some funny banter between him and his rival. The Vehicons even occasionally chipped in mostly by making sick stunts that were "wrong" to do on the road like driving backwards, swerving, and so on to be examples.
When the highway split into four lanes, two per side, there were a couple times Breakdown sped up to challenge Miko to a race. They went almost up 90 mph before Bulkhead briefly took control and spoiled it.
"Aw c'mon, Bulk, I nearly had him!"
"Yeah Bulkhead, let Miko have fun a little!" Breakdown said in an obvious pout.
"You need to be practicing good driving. We'll...do racing more as a between-us type deal, not on the public roads in broad daylight. And you, Breakdown. You need be more responsible here, set a good example for her right now."
Miko huffed, "Since when is Breakdown my dad? Actually, since when are you?"
"You know what I mean."
A few more miles they went with Knockout coming side to side with Miko until suddenly, a traffic jam was spotted up ahead. Bulkhead signaled for Miko to slow and she did to a full stop. To Miko's surprise, the Decepticons obeyed the rules of the road as well. They were all stuck at a standstill.
"I can't see why we're stopped, maybe someone had an accident?" Bulkhead said confused.
"Are you telling me we have to wait here until the line moves?!" Miko scoffed, "We'll be stuck here for hours. Call a ground bridge or something!"
"Wha-no! Miko, there are too many eyes watching! We'll cause too much chaos. I guess we just wait it out."
Breakdown blared his horn in frustration behind a civilian in a silver Honda. "This sucks! Move it, people! Some of us have better things to do!"
They sat there for who knows how long, barely moving if at all. Miko could tell the Vehicons weren't used to being so confined in vehicle mode and Knockout expressed his dislike of the situation loud and clear. Breakdown could only talk to Bulkhead and her to keep himself occupied. She resorted to texting her friends out of boredom.
Bulkhead cringed when Knockout let out a few honks just to stir up some chaos in which the Vehicons joined in occasionally too. "You guys are going to anger a lot of people."
"At this point, I'm really tempted to just transform. It's the horn or alien encounter, which is it going to be?" Breakdown sneered.
The green SUV sighed, "Alright, alright, just remind me to give you an earful when this is over."
Breakdown laughed over the radio as Knockout muttered something and the Vehicons groaned, one yawned even.
Eventually, the line moved at a 5 mph creep which everyone including Miko was starting to be miserable because of it. When they reached the end, Breakdown slowed to let her merge in front of him past a car that had its front end crushed inward to the windshield and another car whose rear wasn't even distinguishable, both of which covered a whole lane. There was no blood in the wreck but she could believe someone had quite a bit of injuries from the hit...if they survived.
"Well, this wasn't on today's agenda for driving but this was good practice too. From the looks of it, one car rear ended the other possibly through speeding or texting while driving. Worse case, drinking while driving. See what can happen?" Bulkhead said.
Miko drove past the accident and nodded, "I...see. Speeding doesn't pay."
"Exactly."
Knockout replied, "Depending on where you use it. Speeding on a busy highway might be lethal but open road? Just gain some experience first handling the road before doing it at high speeds. That's more for experts, say fifteen plus years' experience."
"Gee, Knockout, I didn't know you cared so much about my well-being?" The girl snorted.
"I really don't but it was nice to take a ride and not get pursued by Autobots. I take it, dear Bulkhead, you won't be countering us today? Make it safe for your driver?"
Bulkhead grunted, "Only because I have Miko with me."
"Don't fret, Bulkhead," Breakdown then spoke, "I have no ill will against the kid. As Knockout said, it's kind of nice just to take a drive. Like old times, right?"
The Wrecker didn't speak but Miko could sense some sort of sadness lurking beneath the faint hum he gave in thought. They made it to open road again and Breakdown stayed behind her, Knockout and the Vehicons following when she signaled to take an exit just before Jasper's limits. It was late noon by the time they reached a good resting point which the Vehicons following did donuts on the asphalt as they stopped before she did.
"Hey, no taunting now!" Miko scoffed out of the rolled down window, "Wait until I become an expert driver, then I'll be running circles around you!"
"Keep dreaming, kid," Breakdown said, his voice no longer echoing from Bulkhead's radio but coming from his real vehicle mode. He transformed and placed a servo on his hip.
The Vehicons transformed, as did Knockout, and they all just peered down at Miko even as Bulkhead joined them and she was rearranged into Bulkhead's servo. The Autobot kept alert in case they tried anything but Miko was smiling.
"Not bad for my first day, huh?"
Knockout laughed, "For a fleshling, not bad indeed. If Tons-of-Fun here decides to let you test your skills to the max, you can give us a call and we'll go racing."
The Wrecker frowned, "No."
Breakdown sneered, "The kid is excellent, give her a chance."
"You try being her guardian! Guarantee, if you were in my place and she was your partner since the beginning, you'd be skeptical to let her do it to. Protective even," the green mech chastised. "I know you enough."
Miko perked up excited, "Totally, I'd love to be with Breakdown for a day! Breaking stuff and having a race!"
The Decepticon medic smirked at his partner, "Seems like you have a fan."
"I wouldn't mind that actually."
Bulkhead glared between Miko and the Cons, "What?! No, no, no, no, uh uh, not happening!"
The girl sighed, "Spoilsport."
Breakdown kind of agreed, "Yeah, Spoilsport, you're no fun."
"Breakdown, really? You're not helping!"
"He's like the awesome dad and you're the 'that's too dangerous' dad. I have two dads now, wow," Miko gleamed.
Knockout pointed at himself and the Vehicons gave slight tilts of their heads as if wanting to be included in her synopsis. She sucked up to them by adding, "Oh, Knockout, you're the cool dad and you two are like the silent fun uncles!"
"Ha, hear that Autobot, I'm the awesome dad," Breakdown boasted to Bulkhead's ire.
"Thanks for helping me. It was nice," Miko said.
The Cons were smiling at the girl as one of the Vehicons called for a ground bridge. Knockout nodded, "Remember, it's our little secret though."
"I will."
Breakdown glanced at the medic as he and the Vehicons waved at Miko before turning to Bulkhead, "You have a good partner, I like her."
"Why did you help her? I thought you hated me and the humans we protect?"
"I don't really hate you, more like find you difficult to be around and the humans are nuisances at worst. The reason I helped her, both of you with your driving lessons, was because I found it endearing to see you do one of the most mundane things I never thought I would find you of all mechs doing."
This flustered Bulkhead a bit and he stuttered, "Ah, well, um, thanks?"
He then spoke to Miko as he walked back into the awaiting portal, "Be seeing you, Miko. Hope you pass your test so we can race someday."
"You're on!" The teen shouted back.
When all the Decepticons were gone Bulkhead glanced down at Miko with a smile, "Not what we were expecting but I take it you learned enough?"
"Oh yeah, Bulk, I'm driving Decepticon style from now on!"
"Aw no, Miko!"
AN: Just a fun scenario I had in my head.