NOTE: Sequel to give me one more night, an ROTS AU where the canon divergence comes from Anakin deciding to ask Obi-Wan for help instead of going to Palpatine's office. This story, like its predecessor, is inspired heavily by both Stover's novel and the ROTS deleted scenes with Padmé. I don't think they're at all necessary for reading but they do add a lot of context. There are 19 total chapters and I'll be posting it about 2-3 chapters every week or two until the conclusion. If you don't want to wait, the entire thing is already uploaded to AO3 under my same username.
I really hope you enjoy and I'd always love to hear your thoughts! Thanks so much!
Motherhood, it was clear, was going to bring about a lot of changes to Padmé's life, and it wasn't exactly that she hadn't expected this. She'd read a few parenting holobooks in the months that Anakin was away in the Outer Rim, had laid in bed staring at holonet guides on childrearing to distract herself from the empty spot beside her and the loneliness in her heart. So she'd definitely known what some of it would be like, bits here and there, but the thing was…she hadn't expected the conclusion of her pregnancy to be quite like this.
First off, she hadn't expected it to be over this soon. Sure, she knew now that twin pregnancies usually ended in the eighth month, but she hadn't known she was going to have twins, now, had she? And, again, maybe not going to a gynecologist or asking her mom and sister questions was her fault. Maybe it was on her for not having one single thing prepared for the arrival of her little ones. Maybe she should have considered buying baby clothes or a bassinet or at the very least, diapers, but she hadn't, okay? She just hadn't, because she'd been wanting to do all of those things with Anakin, and she'd wanted so badly to have the babies on Naboo, but Anakin had been away for so long and she'd waited too long and now she was in labor and she was absolutely freaking out because she really did not have one single thing prepared —
And secondly, as far as things-she'd-been-unprepared-for went, she further had not been prepared for the possibility of her husband almost turning to the dark side because he'd been the grooming victim of an evil Sith Lord. She had not expected to have to spend her senior days of pregnancy having to assuage her husband's fears that she might inevitably die a painful and prophesied death in childbirth. And finally, she'd not expected that the person to accompany her to the birth of her children would in fact not be her beloved Anakin, but rather the Negotiator himself, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Her water had broken during their much-needed intervention for her husband, and she honestly had to pat herself on the back for how well she had handled it…'it' being, of course, sitting in a puddle of fluid while Anakin poured his heart out for the first time in — well, ever. She hadn't been about to turn their attention away from him, because she knew it may well have been a once in a lifetime chance to actually hear Anakin talk about his feelings, but dear gods and goddesses had it been uncomfortable. And she didn't regret it for a heartbeat, and she never would — she would suffer through a thousand puddles of amniotic fluid for him, same as he suffered all those awful nightmares and contemplated doing all those awful things for her. It was, really, the least she could do.
Besides, well. Carrying his children to term. There was that.
And she was sure a part of her would always feel some sting of regret for not allowing him to see the birth of his children, but really, all things considered, she was pretty sure he needed the reprieve as much as she did. Padmé had seen him through a lot of wild emotions — grief, fury, regret — but she truly had never seen him in quite the state he'd been in that night. Knowing what she knew now she couldn't blame him, not in the slightest, but at the end of that very, very long day, what they had both needed was for him to have a break from the terror and despair and for her to have some peace and quiet during the most stressful thing her body would ever undergo.
Labor, she was quick to learn, was really just a whole lot of waiting, interspersed with the occasional, and then more frequent than that, contraction, and throughout the whole thing Padmé couldn't help but think that Obi-Wan was almost certainly the best possible birth partner a woman could want. And she would never have expected to have that thought.
"Obi-Wan," she said, relaxing her gritted teeth after the most recent contraction had passed, "I think we're becoming better friends tonight."
He laughed. "I'm happy to help."
"Remember when we met?" Padmé said, wiping sweat off her brow. "I was being taken to a prison camp, and you jumped down from a balcony and dismantled all the droids."
"I recall," Obi-Wan replied, a twinkle in his eyes. "That mission changed my life quite a bit, you know."
"And mine," she agreed, "And my planet's. And the galaxy's, really. But I bet you never thought one day you'd be helping that fourteen year old queen deliver the twins of your best friend."
"No, I don't recall that thought crossing my mind at the time."
So, yes. Obi-Wan Kenobi was an absolute dear.
No, really. This man was her rock. They chatted a little on and off, mostly to distract her from the pain. He rubbed her back when she asked, massaged her shoulders on command, supported her as she switched to a new position to ease the strain on her absolutely enormous belly. He guided her breathing when she needed it, shut up when she asked him to, because she kept going from being repulsed by touch to desperately yearning for it and overall, it was a bit of an emotional day.
"Have you done this before?"
"Actually, no," he said thoughtfully. "But as Master Yoda likes to say, we are always learning and always growing."
"I don't want to grow anymore," Padmé complained. "I want these children out."
And that was when it had hit her. Saying those words, for some reason, had pulled the plug on an absolute typhoon of emotions as she realized, abruptly, that actually, she was not even slightly ready for these children to be out at all. Realization slapped her fully in the face that she had absolutely no idea what to do next. All the holobooks she'd read on parenting forgotten, all the things the Jedi had told her wiped from her memory, the only thing she could think, suddenly, was —
"Obi-Wan," she said after another contraction had passed. She clutched at his hand, her eyes wide. "I need to talk to my mom right now!"
Being the absolute darling that he was, Obi-Wan managed to hook her up with a connection to Naboo. It was well past midnight now on Coruscant, but back home it would be early afternoon, and after a minute of absolutely agonized waiting the face of her mother appeared and Padmé started simply bawling.
"Padmé?" Jobal exclaimed through the screen, and a second later a face appeared next to her of Padmé's sister, Sola. "Darling, what's wrong, are you okay?"
And that was how, after an emotional confession of all the secrets she'd kept from her family for the last three years, the collective Naberrie clan pledged to fly to Coruscant as soon as they'd collected all the spare baby clothes and equipment from Sola's daughters and from their own childhood. And though she was still bawling when the call was over, this time it was in relief.
The birth came by the late morning. The Jedi had given her some painkillers and altogether the whole experience wasn't as awful as she'd expected…Luke came first, sweet darling baby Luke, followed shortly after by adorable squirmy baby Leia, and once they were each cleaned in turn she held them both against her skin and realized that she had never known true love until right at that moment. It was absolute magic, happy exhausted magic, and her only regret was that Anakin was not here with her for those first magical moments.
After showing her how to feed them the Jedi swept the twins away to a pair of incubators, promising that their prematurity was normal for twins and they seemed very medically well, so she went back to her room. Took a contented glance at a passed out Anakin, who had gifted her with those two beautiful babies, and fell into the most exhausted sleep of her life, same as him.
Her family showed up two days later, and she mostly spent that time with Anakin quietly fawning over their newborns, alternating between staring at their gorgeous faces and looking up more parenting tips on the holonet. She and him didn't really do that much talking, other than showing each other factoids they'd looked up in their furious research, and sharing excited glances whenever Leia sneezed or Luke scratched at his face.
Obi-Wan saw the Naberries into the temple and brought them here to the Halls of Healing, and Padmé found herself nearly leaping into her mother's arms, then her father's, then her sister's.
"I'm so glad you all came," she said, beaming up at all of them, whose smiles were each the fiercely loving ones she knew and missed. Padmé turned to Anakin and hooked her arm around his. "I know you've all met before, but Ani, this is my mom Jobal, my dad Ruwee, and my sister Sola. Everyone, you remember Anakin."
"Hi," Anakin said from beside her rather sheepishly, giving a little wave at waist height.
"Anakin," Jobal said with that same brilliant smile, crossing the space between them to wrap Anakin in a big hug. Padmé was about to stop her, knowing of Anakin's staunch aversion being touched by those he did not trust, but to her great surprise — and to Anakin's, it seemed — he closed his eyes and appeared to almost melt into the hug. "Welcome to the family, darling."
It lasted for a few seconds and when he drew away, Padmé saw him blinking up at the ceiling with his eyes glistening. Jobal balked. "Are you all right, dear?"
He nodded, wiping at his eyes with his sleeve. "Sorry. Been an emotional few days." He paused, and added, "I just miss my own mom, is all."
Padmé gave Anakin a hug of her own and then led him and her family over to the babies, saving him from having to say any more about the subject he hated talking about the most. "This is Luke and Leia," she said, resting her head against Anakin's shoulder, beaming down at their creations as the family crowded around the sleeping newborns.
Cooing over Luke, Sola said, "I can't wait until I tell Pooja and Ryoo they have cousins. Oh, Padmé, why didn't you tell us sooner?"
They all sat and talked about it for a long time. It was kind of odd to be doing it here, of all places, because she really had envisioned doing all of this on Naboo, but at the end of the day she was just so, so happy to have them here at all. They talked about her secret marriage, and why they'd kept it a secret, and that it wasn't personal and they'd hated lying but it had always just been necessary. They talked about Padmé going back home, which she told them she desperately wanted to do but that she had some loose ends she needed to tie up first, and that she hadn't even talked to Queen Apailana yet and couldn't begin to predict how that conversation would go….
Anakin didn't do that much talking, which wasn't necessarily surprising but it did worry her a bit. It was difficult to draw the line, knowing what she knew now, between smothering him with love and validation and respecting his boundaries as an individual…she wanted so badly to be there for him, and wanted him so badly to be there for her, but at times it was as if there was a barrier between them. As if there was a tear in realspace and they existed in very similar bit distinct parallel dimensions. And it was something they hadn't yet talked about, hadn't even brought up, and they would have to, but they were both so weary to the bone and she didn't think she wanted to have that conversation any more than he did, so for now they mutually and silently agreed to leave it alone.
Her family decided to stay at Padmé's apartment for a while, though Ruwee would have to go back to work soon and Sola wanted to go back to her own daughters back home, where they were staying with her husband. But they had brought practically a shipful of equipment and clothes and bottles and pumps and blankets and for the dozenth time, Padmé was just so, so thankful to have a loving family no matter how much time and how many years she'd spent away from them.
She went back with them to her apartment to set everything up while Anakin hung back in the temple, and while she was there she decided she might as well get the call with the queen over with, admit her deception for the second time today, and she surprised herself by dreading this conversation even more than the one with her family —
The blue hologram of Queen Apailana appeared in her living area, appearing to sit on Padmé's yellow couches instead of the throne in the Theed Palace. Padmé had changed into an elegant dress, looking far more regal than she felt, and by the time she had finished her lengthy confession and retelling of the recent events as she had experienced them, the queen had hardly shifted in her expression. She simply watched, passively nodding, holding tight to her emotion the way that Sabé had taught Padmé to all those years ago, and it struck Padmé suddenly after she had stopped talking that the girl she spoke with was only twelve years old.
Sometimes she couldn't believe that once upon a time, that had been her. That the entire planet had elected her at fourteen years old. That she'd been trusted with legislation and delegation and the fate of an entire planet during an unprecedented blockade and subsequent battle. That she had united her people with the entire race of natives that had been avoiding contact with them for generations.
And here she was now. Postpartum, and begging forgiveness from a girl younger than she had been when she was elected. She wondered if this was how people had felt when talking to Queen Amidala.
"An eventful life you have had, Senator," Apailana commented, betraying no emotion but with a hint of playfulness that Padmé thought she could only recognize from her own experience. "I congratulate you on your new family."
"Thank you, Your Highness," Padmé said, bowing her head slightly. "I am truly sorry for my deception. I never wished to put you in this position. If you would prefer that I step down I will respect your wishes without question."
Apailana thought for a moment. "This is a deeply troubling time," she said in her practiced monotone. "Do you expect Chancellor Palpatine to be brought before the Senate?"
"I believe that is the most likely scenario," Padmé replied. It suddenly hit her like a sheet of falling durasteel after an explosion that when she had been in Apailana's position, the person who had been in her position now had been Palpatine himself. "I have worked diligently throughout my pregnancy to try to bring an end to the war. I believe that if the Chancellor is brought to trial and acquitted, the galaxy may never return to the state of peace that I have worked toward for my whole career."
"Do you wish to continue serving?" the queen said. "Or would you prefer I nominate Representative Binks in your stead?"
"I do not presume to make the choice for you, Your Majesty," Padmé said formally, "But if I am allowed to I would like to see the trial through to conclusion and do what I can to ensure the transition to peace is finite. By your leave, I would like to submit my testimony to any hearings or investigative committees regarding what I know about the Chancellor."
"The Naboo have great faith in you, Senator," Apailana said kindly. "And you have my blessing to proceed with any cooperation you find appropriate in the upcoming trials. But I would be remiss not to ask after your own health. I understand the beginnings of motherhood are quite difficult. Speaking as objectively as you can, do you feel you are physically up to the challenge of doing both at once?"
Padmé fought a sigh. "In truth, Your Highness, I don't know if I can maintain it for long. I was hoping that perhaps after the trial I may retire, and return to Naboo. There are simply…loose ends, if you will, that I wish to tie up. After that I will be happy to concede my position to Representative Binks."
Apailana nodded, satisfied. "Go forth, Senator, and proceed. But be cautious. You have been a target many times by those who oppose your ideals, and I fear your life may be in more danger now than ever before. I wish you the best of luck, and pray for your safety. May your compassion be passed onto others as well."
A smile overcame her. "Thank you, Highness," she said, bowing her head in her seat. "Your faith means a great deal to me. I will do Naboo proud, I promise you."
The queen nodded in finality, and the transmission fizzled out.
It was done, then.
Telling her family. Telling the queen. Having the babies, and saving Anakin from Palpatine's clutches. Those 'it's were done. But the rest…the rest had barely begun.
Sitting back in her seat for a moment, taking a great breath, conscious of the ache in her body as it healed from birth, Padmé stared across the room out at the Coruscant evening and pledged to herself that she would do as she said.
She would make Naboo proud.
She would bring this man to justice.
And then she would retire in peaceful prosperity with her husband and newborn children in the Naboo lake country.
Then she sighed, and closed her eyes.
If only it would be that easy.
p.s. the fic titles and chapter titles are inspired by Marina and the Diamonds songs, she is our iconic and existential queen and is really a big whole mood