Sunblind
pt 2: truths
Three years ago, Sasuke sat in a damp cave across from an Akatsuki member claiming to be another Uchiha.
"Itachi was innocent," Tobi, or Madara, was telling him. "The village plotted our clan's massacre."
The other Uchiha continued his tale with an amused lilt to his voice, like he was relishing it. Sasuke's head spun in a sickening way, and his eyes throbbed. "Why should I believe you?" he cut in. Though Madara had already said enough to make him wonder.
"What reason do I have to lie?"
Sasuke's left eye twitched. There was something hot and sharp lodged inside, pressing furiously into his iris. It tore free with a sickening tug. He grasped his eye, blinded, as Madara's scream echoed in the dank cave.
Blinking away tears, Sasuke glimpsed a mark burning itself into Madara's skin. A gift from Itachi, bundled up and hidden in Sasuke's eyes.
"Itachi!" Madara howled, like Itachi was in the room with them, still alive. "I should've known—"
He broke off, choking as Itachi's curse stole his breath, leaving Sasuke alone with a half-finished truth.
Sasuke lost track of time huddled in the cave, recovering from the toll that came with battling his brother. In a moment of lucidity, he tipped up Madara's mask. The scarred face beneath meant nothing to him, offered no answers. Sasuke eased the mask back in place.
When he finally began to poke around the cave system, Sasuke stumbled across another body, dead for days. Matted spikes of white hair sprang from his scalp. His eyes were dug out, the scars unnaturally clean and clean, as if waiting to be replaced with a better set. That's what gave it away to Sasuke that he'd stumbled upon an Uchiha, yet another family member, discovered and lost in the same moment.
The body was sickly and emaciated, wrapped head-to-toe in bandages, powerful healing ofuda tucked into the folds. A person in this state could have never survived for long on their own without a caretaker. Madara must have poured a lot of energy into keeping this man alive, but for what purpose, Sasuke would never know. Whatever the two Uchihas were planning, it was over.
Sasuke was alone. There was no one around who could answer his questions, to confirm or deny what he'd heard. Itachi was dead—he'd gotten what he wanted. Why should he believe Madara anyway?
But the words rooted in his head, and he started to wonder.
Sasuke set out on a quieter mission, keeping a low profile. If it all was true, the village wouldn't be happy to know he was searching for answers. He talked to everyone and anyone who might give him information. He met Akatsuki members in abandoned buildings and other rogue leaf shinobi in seedy old bars. He crawled through Orochimaru's lair for the first time since he'd overpowered the snake Sannin and poured through Kabuto's notes, sleeping outside in the courtyard near his old bedroom because he couldn't bring himself to venture inside. He formed a team and disbanded it. Nothing he did brought him closer to what he was looking for.
He needed help.
He thought, not for the first time, of Sakura.
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Night was darkening the windows of the archive. Sakura sat on the floor of the Hokage's private study, her back to the old wooden desk, a thin scroll in her lap. The binding jutsu on the scroll was laughably easy to break. It turned out the truth wasn't difficult to uncover, once she knew to look for it.
Everything was printed there on the short page, signed by the leading members of the village council. The same people she was taught to admire.
Every shinobi knew how to take certain experiences, certain memories, and lock them safely behind a door in their mind. It was the only way to keep moving forward, with the work they did—to know when to stop thinking.
Sakura did all her normal techniques. She trained, picked up extra shifts. Cleaned her whole apartment. Anything to wear herself down to the bone. And the door never shut. This truth needed to be felt—it couldn't be hidden away.
Sasuke's hawk returned to her window a week later to disclose a new meeting place, and flew above her as she traveled through the woods, keeping her company. Sasuke had chosen to camp south this time, deep in the woods where the trees grew the tallest. When his fire came into view, the hawk soared above her, landing on his outstretched arm.
He met her eyes, wary. Sakura was certain he could tell from her face exactly what news she bore. Her throat was dry with dread, unsure how to begin.
But he didn't ask. "I'm cooking," he muttered. Then he stared at her, disapproving and expectant, until she wondered if he was waiting for her to sit.
She took the risk, kneeling slowly on the ground, and his attention turned back to the cooking pan. She'd made the right choice. The hawk fluttered onto his shoulder to find steadier ground.
His shoulders had become so broad. It was the same thing Sakura had noticed about Naruto when he returned from training with Jiraiya—that he wasn't a scrawny kid anymore. She wondered what it would have been like to grow up next to Sasuke, the way she thought she would, and see him grow up gradually instead of all at once.
She shook her head. She shouldn't think about such things.
Sasuke made rabbit, gamey and earthy, a little tough to chew but cooked perfectly over the fire. Sakura understood what the meal was. Stalling. A way to avoid the real topic at hand. She ate slowly.
Eventually, he tossed the bones into the fire, and there was nothing else to keep at bay everything that was hanging over them.
She swallowed. "I have news for you."
The bone crackled in the heat. It was what she was here for to begin with, but she wished she hadn't said anything. Sasuke's eyes lowered. "Yes."
Her voice came out small. "What you heard...it's true."
The firelight smoothed Sasuke's face. He looked young, younger than she'd ever seen him. A muscle clenched in his jaw, and that was all.
It was the middle of summer, but the night air felt cold. Gently, she passed him the copy she made of the scroll. "I'm so sorry."
"It's fine," he said, not touching it. "I believe you."
His hands flexed at his sides, revealing red, half-moon scrapes where his nails had dug too deep into his palm, some half-healed, many fresh.
"Sasuke…" she breathed.
"I thought he was lying to me."
Sakura took his hand, erasing the marks with healing chakra. She could at least ease this small pain for him. His fingers twitched, and she thought he'd push her away, but instead they clamped around hers like he was gripping the edge of a cliff.
"It all needs to go," he said, voice thick and strained. "It can't go on like this—" His eyes blinked on, sharingan red. "Everyone and everything that let this happen. I'll destroy it all."
Half of Sakura rang out in alarm at this suggestion. The other half wondered, what right did she have, to ask him to be less angry?
And why should it go on, the way it was?
Sasuke made no acknowledgment as he released her from his hold. He was calm, in control again, studying Councilman Danzo's signature on the duplicate scroll. "What do you know about this Danzo?"
Sakura didn't hesitate before answering. "He's cunning, power hungry. Always opposing Tsunade-shishou's proposals. I think he wants her seat himself. And...it's clear from the document, he was one of the biggest proponents behind the massacre."
"I'll start with him," Sasuke decided, so openly and quickly that Sakura reeled back.
"Are you sure you want me to hear this?" She was still a shinobi of the leaf. She wanted to give him the chance to leave her out of it—to keep his plans a secret.
"That depends," he said. "Are you going to tell anyone, Sakura?"
His voice curled over her name like a challenge. Daring her to surprise him, when he could see straight into her heart.
"No," she said. "Not a soul."
He leaned back, satisfied.
She cleared her throat. "If you don't care what I know, then let me tell you something."
Sasuke's stare was impatient, but he let her continue.
"I met Danzo in the hospital last week. He was getting a physical because he's going to the Hokage summit next month. He has a slight lung condition. Nothing too serious, but it's a weak point."
"Hm." He frowned. "I'll remember."
"That's not all. I'm skilled with poisons," she said. "I can make one that targets the lungs. It would be deadly, lung condition or not. I'll bring it to you. Then you can attack him while he's traveling. He'll be more vulnerable that way."
Sasuke's eyes widened slightly. Maybe she finally surprised him. But when he spoke, his words were dismissive. "This is far more than just bringing me a scroll. Are you really prepared to make a choice like this?"
The truth was, Sakura had been thinking about Danzo's lung condition from the second she'd seen his signature approving the Uchiha massacre. It was the largest on the page, the same red ink he used to sign his hospital forms.
And it went back deeper than that, to the raw hours after Sasuke had left the village. She'd been immediately summoned to the Anbu headquarters, where a team of masked shinobi seated her at a cold table, asking question after question.
"When you spotted him, did he do anything? Say anything?"
He said thank you. That was really all. And yet the thought of sharing his parting words to her was too much. Too intimate.
Sakura shook her head. "No...n-nothing."
The interrogator pressed further. "Are you sure? Any detail, no matter how small, will help us keep the village safe."
Keep the village safe? What about him ?
"I just saw him in the distance. I knew it was him because of his shirt. And then before I knew it, I was waking up…" Her voice trembled, tears gathering in her eyes without her needing to try. When the Anbu turned away, she knew they believed her.
In the corner of the room, Kakashi's mask didn't cover up his pensive expression. "What a shame. I thought, of all people, he'd say something to you."
Sakura didn't know what had brought her to lie. Maybe because she could still feel the hard bench beneath her, mind too foggy with shock and grief. Or perhaps even then, she had sensed the ugly underbelly to the village and felt the urge to protect him.
"The poison takes three days to prepare," Sakura said. "Do you want it?"
The tense line of Sasuke's mouth softened. "I do."
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Brewing the poison took over Sakura's life. She spent every free moment locked in the lab, missing calls from Ino, canceling dinner with Naruto, skipping an appointment or two. Each night, as dawn broke, she lay down to steal an hour of sleep before waking up again to prepare for her shift at the hospital.
After three frenzied days, her creation was complete. When it came to poisons, it was her greatest work. It was almost a shame no one would ever know.
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When Sakura arrived at the meeting site, she found the remains of a fire and a pile of wood waiting to be lit. A small bag with Sasuke's things sat by a fallen tree, but he was not around.
She removed a thick leather pouch from the pocket of her cloak, containing the poison-soaked blade of a kunai, and placed it visibly on the log. It felt better to not have it so close. She sat on the ground to wait, rubbing bleary eyes. Her skull throbbed with the start of a dull headache. The sleepless nights and back-to-back hospital shifts were catching up to her.
Sasuke didn't appear, even after several minutes. His bedding lay nearby, a slender buckwheat pillow and a neatly folded, thin blanket. Sakura rested her head on the edge of the blanket, careful not to disturb his work. It was just for a moment, to help her headache go away. She would move before he came back.
When she opened her eyes, shadows were growing long, and the sun was low in the sky. The air was still warm from the day, but a cool breeze played over her face, and she felt so perfectly comfortable all she wanted was to fall back asleep. She turned over, adjusting the pillow under her head.
Sakura's eyes flew fully open. Sasuke was sitting across a fire, carving a small block of wood. A growing pile of wood shavings collected on the ground next to him. His cheek shone gold in the setting sun. How long had he been there, waiting, as she slept on his pillow? It must have been a while, judging by how the light had changed.
She pushed herself upright, and Sasuke's gaze fell to her.
"Sorry," she blurted, though she'd done nothing wrong—nothing worse than laying her head in the same place where he rested his. Still she wished she could hide all evidence of it.
Sasuke shaved off a long curl of wood with a kunai. "For what?"
Sakura's face burned. She was certain he knew what she meant, but he seemed to like making things difficult for her.
"Touching your things." Her palms itched with the urge to find a safer topic. "What are you making?"
Sasuke turned the form over in his hands. He didn't show her, but he didn't hide it either. It resembled nothing and everything. From one angle Sakura glimpsed a raven, and from another, it dissolved into dips and angles.
"Whatever comes to mind. It doesn't matter, I don't keep them." He clasped the figurine in his palm for a moment, then lobbed it into the fire. "It's just a way to pass time."
Sakura felt a pang of loss watching it burn among the embers. "You should have woken me up."
"You shouldn't have let your guard down," he chided.
"I know." Sakura smoothed the creases she left behind on his pillow. "But it's just you."
She knew she made a mistake when he sneered. "I'm not who you remember. How do you know you're safe when you're with me? I can cast genjutsu on eye contact alone, without you even knowing."
It was too late to avoid his burning glare. She wondered if he would do it. Maybe she was already under, with the way he looked against the pink stained sky, too dreamlike.
"If this is a genjutsu," she said, "it's a beautiful one."
Sasuke's eyes cooled. "We aren't teammates anymore."
"You never stopped being a teammate to us. All these years, I never—" Sakura winced and dug her nails into her palms. "We never stopped thinking about you."
Sasuke's face turned in profile, now sullen. His eyelashes lay long and dark on his cheek. "Those days—all of that is over. It can't go back to the way it was before." He shook his head. "You should know, Sakura. You know the truth, too."
She did know.
When she thought about what happened to Sasuke's family, the despair and anger she felt choked her. It weighed so much, she didn't know how to move forward.
In a handful of days, the world had shifted around Sakura. She was the Hokage's right hand, the jewel of the village, believing fully in her home country and supporting its ideals. Now she was brewing poison intended to kill the village's highest official. It would be safe to call her a traitor.
"I know," she said. "Nothing is the same anymore."
When their eyes met again, it was in conspiracy.
"Did you bring it?" he asked.
"Over here."
They both rose, and Sakura reached for the pouch she'd left on the log.
They'd always been a little like this with each other. Talebearers, confidants. Whenever Naruto said something abrasive during training, Sasuke would mutter under his breath, just loud enough for Sakura to hear. Or if Kakashi left training early to spend time with Icha Icha Paradise , Sakura would turn her head to meet Sasuke's eye, and he would usually already be looking in her direction. It felt the same now—sharing in on something that was just theirs.
Sasuke peered inside. "A kunai?"
"The poison is coating the blade. It only needs to nick him."
"Tch. You didn't have a shuriken?"
Sakura almost sputtered with indignation, until she saw the slight curve to his mouth.
"You're a good shot. I think you'll manage. Unless you've lost your touch?"
"Not likely." He unearthed the sharpened blade, moving it back and forth in the light to examine the tacky film covering its surface.
"Be careful!"
Sasuke stilled, looking at her. Softer, she said, "It could kill you."
She didn't breathe easier until he dropped the kunai safely inside the pouch and pulled the drawstring shut, accepting her gift.
"You know, you don't have to go after him," she said. "Not if you don't want to."
She knew he'd already made up his mind, could read it in the grimly determined set of his jaw, but it needed to be said.
Sasuke's expression darkened. "Danzo is the reason my clan is gone. I can't rest while he's still alive."
"Yes—he was behind it—but it goes deeper than Danzo. There are others who share the blame, and others who will replace him when he's gone. Will you ever get to rest?"
His mouth twitched, and he looked unhappy, like he didn't care to hear what she was saying. But his voice was steady, containing no doubt. "I need to do this." He dangled the pouch out. "But you can still change your mind, if you want."
He was standing closer than she realized. Sakura let herself look, longer than she thought was wise. It was strange, despite everything that had changed, how familiar he still felt. Tossing a dry tease at her, disguised so well as criticism that she couldn't pick it up. Haughty and dismissive, even as he offered her the chance to change her mind.
Sakura shook her head. "It's yours."
Sasuke's rough fingertips grazed her jaw. It was something close to affection. Something close to a thank you. Sakura knew—she was well-versed in this quiet language of thank yous and goodbyes he spoke to her.
But she did not expect his hand to stay, to grip her chin with a gentle yet possessive hold.
"Why are you helping me?"
Sakura's breath caught. His touch was charged with something she couldn't name.
"Why?" he repeated.
With his face so close, it was becoming difficult to think. "Because you were alone, and you needed help."
Sasuke's thumb came to rest in the corner of her mouth. "What if I needed something else from you?"
"Sasuke..." she protested softly, but didn't move. He'd been shrouded from her for so long. For years, she knew nothing of what he was thinking, where he was going. If he ever missed home, if he ever thought of her. Now he was in front of her, studying her lips, and she needed to know what he might do next. She couldn't leave without knowing.
Sasuke searched her eyes, and seeming to find what he wanted, pressed his lips to her throat.
He sucked at her skin, at first gently, then hard, marking a trail up her neck. Sakura gasped as his teeth grazed her earlobe, and he pulled away, appraising, but she tugged him back. Now she could say she understood him, knew what he wanted, if only for this one instance. But knowing suddenly wasn't enough.
Sasuke's fingers tangled in her hair, and his mouth dragged across her jaw, movements falling just short of a kiss. Everything became a blur. Sakura found the hem of his shirt and lifted it up, dazed by the sudden expanse of bare skin. The wiry muscles of his back glided under her palm as he tore at her cloak, dragging a rough caress from her waist over her ribs.
When he touched her breasts, she couldn't stop the noise that escaped her. She could feel his hardness trapped between them, pressing into her thigh. As she reached for him, Sasuke's hand dove between her legs, stroking her through her trousers. Sakura cried out, shocked by how good it already felt.
"Lie down," he instructed, releasing her long enough to straighten his bedroll on the forest floor. It was only when her back met the ground, the open sky filling her vision, did she feel a stir of doubt. What am I doing?
There would surely be consequences for helping Sasuke. From the moment she'd read his note, she'd sealed her fate as a traitor. But somehow this felt like the decision that would make everything worse. Even as she helped him undo the tie of her trousers, she wondered.
Then his fingers slipped inside her, rubbing and pressing exactly where she needed it, and it felt so good she could not bring it in herself to care. He could do anything he wanted, it did not matter, as long as he did not stop. She came sharply, quickly, pleasure spiking through her body before she could register what was happening.
She was still shuddering when Sasuke positioned himself at her entrance. She was so wet that it took nothing for him to sink inside. He groaned, burying his face in the crook of her neck. Then he rocked against her and she nearly sobbed. It ached, but sweetly. Like if he didn't move again, she would stop breathing.
"Please," she mumbled, rolling her hips up.
Sasuke drew a sharp breath. His fingers dug harshly into the bones of her hip to hold her down. She keened out a protest, not even sure what she was saying.
"I can't...if you do that..." His jaw was tight, his eyes glazed over. She didn't care if it was quick, if he couldn't hold back. She pressed a pleading hand to the base of his spine, and he sank into her again. Over and over, until he was fucking her at a desperate pace.
It was hard not to fall apart again. She reached out for something to hold on to, and there was only him, so she threw her arms around his shoulders, muffling a cry into his neck. From the erratic snaps of his hips, she knew Sasuke was already unraveling, and soon he collapsed over her, shaking.
His body was heavy, his skin feverishly hot. Sakura became aware that she was still clinging tightly to him. Holding him.
A rush of cold air replaced his warmth. Sakura opened her eyes, staring at the forest canopy. Branches grazed the face of the full moon as it climbed into the sky. A twig beneath the thin blanket was pressing into her back. Eventually she sat upright. Sasuke was already half dressed, collecting the rest of his discarded clothes.
Sakura felt around for her underwear and slid it over her hips, straight over the wetness slowly dripping out between her legs—some hers, some not. She redressed clumsily, a pit growing in her stomach. It wasn't regret, or shame, just the hollow feeling of knowing she had done something irreversible. She could almost laugh, because she'd felt less turmoil handing over the kunai intended to kill Danzo.
And there was something else. She'd done everything Sasuke had asked for, gone far beyond what he had asked. There was no reason for them to meet again.
They hadn't even kissed. Sakura's throat tightened.
In the dim moonlight all she could see of Sasuke was his outline, approaching with soundless footsteps. He held out her rumpled cloak and she drew it around herself. She tried not to meet his eyes, but glancing up, found that he was watching her.
"Sasuke..." she started, then the words froze in her throat. "Nevermind."
He scowled, but it lacked heat. "Say it."
They had already crossed a line. There was no harm in saying what was on her mind. It did not matter anymore. Sakura smiled to herself. "You're not going to kiss me, Sasuke-kun?"
She could tell from his face that he hadn't planned to. She understood his reluctance. There was a limit to what they could have. She was about to turn away, to search for the rising moon so she could find her way home, when Sasuke's hand cupped the back of her skull. His lips found hers, easily, like it was something they'd done countless times before.
Sakura imagined their kiss might possess the same intensity as the way they'd fucked. Instead, it was quiet, like a first kiss between childhood friends. His lips were soft, and he let her do what she wanted, moving gently along with her. A pang went off in her chest. It couldn't be meant for them, a kiss this sweet.
Sasuke jolted back, breaking off from her. "This changes nothing. None of this."
"I already know that." Her voice sounded strange to her own ears, half-drowned out by the thumping of her heart.
He tied the string of the pouch to his obi. "I need to go."
"Right," she said. "If you need anything, you know where to find me..."
But Sasuke's body was angled away from her now, his shoulders as rigid as a stone wall. He gazed into the distance where night was collecting between the trees. She could not tell if he was listening, or already half-gone, waiting for the soonest opportunity to leave.
"Be safe," she finished quietly. Sasuke's gaze flicked back from the forest, landing on her one last time. She was shocked by how cold his eyes were, and by how much it hurt. Only when faced with this coldness did Sakura realize it was new. All this time, their encounters were more amicable than they had any right to be.
And now it was over.
Sakura lowered the hood of her cloak over her hair and slipped away through the trees. She did not think he would seek her out again.
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When the water finally ran cold, Sakura stepped out of the shower. The bathroom mirror reflected back the mark Sasuke had sucked into her neck. She reached up to heal it, faltered, then reached up again.
She'd made a mistake.
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The moon was full again when Danzo departed for the Hokage summit. And for two agonizing days, Sakura waited for news.
In the middle of the third night, someone pounded on her door. Sakura rose from her couch where she'd been sitting, unable to sleep. Dread kept coursing through her body, thick and sickening like nausea.
The door opened on Naruto's frantic face. "Danzo is dead—Sasuke—the Anbu took him—" he cried, fumbling over his words.
"What happened? Slow down."
"Sasuke came out of the fucking woodwork and killed Danzo."
"Where is he?" she demanded. She knew she should manage her reaction better, perhaps show more bewilderment and ask better questions, but she didn't have the patience. She needed to know what had happened to him. If he was okay.
"The Anbu got him," Naruto said. "He was captured. He's back in the village now—a prisoner."
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Notes:
thank you endlessly to hyperphonic for beta'ing
somehow forever has passed since the last update. oops! life is crazy and everything has gotten away from me (sorry). i hope the chapter was worth the wait. to everyone reading, i hope you can take care of yourselves and stay safe.