Hi everyone! I'm finally back with a new chapter!
While posting this, I'm just now realizing that I've pretty much haven't posted in over a month, so sorry about that!
Originally, this was supposed to be a half-talking, half-action kinda chapter, but while writing I decided to have this chapter focus on the characters and the action will come in the next chapter.
And if I'm being quite honest, due to personal reasons, I was actually a little bit scared to write and post this chapter. It's not that it's a bad chapter or anything, it's just that this whole time I was going through some stuff and was made to feel that I didn't know my own story until I eventually reminded myself that I do in fact know my story and why I write the things within it.
Anyway, thank you guys for your continued patience and love for the story! For updates if you wanna chat about Klance and other ship stuff, follow my Twitter and Tumblr at makorragal312.
Onto the chapter! 3
Lance dragged his hand through his hair for what felt like the millionth time. He crossed his arms as he leaned back in his seat, sparing another quick glance at the room not too far away from him. He could feel the anxiety flood his chest as he tore his eyes away from the meeting room, choosing to instead look at the bleak ceiling above him in a vain attempt to drown out the soft voices that came out the room.
Especially hers.
Having been unconscious for a couple of days after Clear Day, Allura had finally awoken, filled with determination and a firm resolve for stopping Honerva. A resolve that Lance didn't want to be a part of and merely caused him to push himself further away from her for his sanity's sake. Everything in him wanted to get up and walk away, to just head back into his room and escape this suffocating atmosphere, but he knew that walking away before a crucial meeting was a bad idea. So he decided that removing himself was the best solution, only going in once Shiro arrived.
Away from Allura.
Away from the prying eyes and hushed concerns from his team.
Away from Coran's puzzled expressions of the rising tension between himself and his beloved princess.
"Lance?" a voice called out softly. The aforementioned paladin jumped slightly at the sudden call, turning his head. A small bit of relief washed over him as Keith slowly made his way towards him, a look of concern written over his enticing features. Lance sat up as the black paladin stood before him.
"Have you been out here all this time?" Keith asked.
"Only for a few minutes." Lance admitted. "Just wanted some quiet before the meeting." Keith let out a soft "hmm" in acknowledgement. His purple orbs didn't miss the exhaustion and concern that was written on the red paladin's face.
"Are you okay?" the black paladin asked. Lance didn't bother giving a verbal response as he shook his head.
"No. Not really." he replied without hesitation.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Lance shrugged before gesturing for the black paladin to take the seat next to him. Silently, Keith stepped away from the red paladin, choosing to instead place himself in the seat next to him.
"Allura?" he inquired. Lance nodded in confirmation, leaning his body forward as he draped his arms over his legs.
"Yeah, and I think she's about to make a terrible mistake." Lance replied, his expression contorting to one of concern. Keith quirked an eyebrow in response to his statement.
"How so?"
"Allura, are you okay?" Coran asked worriedly.
Lance watched from his place against the wall as Allura gasped out, awaking from her two-day long slumber. He could see the look of relief and anxiousness in Coran's eyes as he watched the princess sit up in her bed. For the entire time that she had been unconscious, there wasn't a second that went by where the Altean wasn't by the princess' bedside, anxiously waiting. And it didn't help matter that the entity Allura had acquired from Tavos was now missing and was putting the team and all of the Atlas on edge. Shiro and the rest of the team had made it a point to check in on him to make sure he ate and slept, with each of them taking turns watching over the princess every few minutes until Coran became eager to return to his spot. Lance, however, couldn't say the same, aiming to watch over Coran from the window outside of Allura's hospital room. A part of him felt guilty for not being by Coran's side, but he had already made it a point to avoid the princess save for group meetings and missions as he still wasn't over the revelations that continue to burn at his chest.
So it came as a dreadful surprise when Coran had found the red paladin on his way to the cafeteria, pulling him on his arm toward the medical bay as he exclaimed excitedly that Allura was stirring, soon to be regaining consciousness. Lance didn't even have a chance to speak as he found himself being dragged closer and closer towards her. Everything in him wanted to pull away, to tell Coran that he didn't want to see her. But that would mean regurgitating every single vile detail of the situation between him and Allura in the off chance he was unaware of the circumstance.
That, and he didn't have the heart in him to defer Coran's relief and happiness over the girl he swore to protect. And in the off chance Allura didn't wake up and it was all a false alarm, Lance knew better than to turn his back on him. And that's how he found himself here: in the room with the girl who kept him from moving on.
"What's going on?" Allura questioned, looking around the room before seeing Lance, against the wall farthest away from her near the door in contrast to Coran, whom was standing by her bedside. His arms were crossed and his face held a tired expression. Given everything going on between them, it came as a bit of a shock for the blue paladin to see him in the same room as her.
So to her, this was progress.
"Where am I?" She kept her gaze on the red paladin, hoping that he would be the one to answer her questions.
"You're in the medical bay." Coran interjected, answering the question for her and making the aforementioned princess face him. "When we got back from Clear Day, we found you collapsed on the ground."
"How long have I been out?" Allura asked worriedly.
"You've been asleep for two quintants." Coran admitted. He paused for a moment, hesitation etched on his face as he spoke again.
"The entity, it's missing. Did you...?" he asked cautiously. Lance's gaze shifted towards Allura, feeling uncomfortable with the implication that Coran was trying to gauge. An implication that he was hoping to God she didn't commit so recklessly. Allura stared at Coran before lowering her gaze towards her lap, her expression suddenly becoming firm and hard.
"I did what needed to be done." she stated simply. Coran's eyes widened in horror at the young woman's words.
"No."
"'What needed to be done?'" the red paladin repeated incredulously, removing himself from the wall. "What are you talking about?" Allura didn't bother meeting his eyes as she stared at her open palm, almost as if it were holding the answer that the two men were waiting for.
"This entity," Allura started. "It is connected to Honerva in some way. I believe we can use it."
Lance couldn't help but to clench his fist by his sides. He couldn't control the wave of anger, confusion, and fear the flowed through his veins. He had been hoping and praying that there was another reason for the entity's disappearance. That one of the Altean's still onboard had stolen it for themselves or that it simply managed to escape on its own somehow. But considering how coincidental it was that it was missing while Allura was laying on the floor for God knows how long, he knew he was being too optimistic for his own good. He has already seen the lengths she was willing to go through in order to take down Honerva, sometimes at the team's expense. But now, Allura is doing something that she might not be able to come back from and that alone was enough to render Lance speechless. With that, he simply turned his head away from the princess once more.
Coran could only lower his head in defeat, knowing there was nothing he could do to prevent this. He couldn't prevent Allura from taking the entity. He couldn't prevent for baring this small yet deadly piece of energy. Now, all he'll do is watch as the princess he swore to protect with his life goes into battle with an entity that could very well kill her if it wanted to.
"I swore to your father that I would look after you, but I fear I may have let him down." Coran spoke dejectedly, gripping the side of Allura's hospital bed. He slowly raised his head, looking at Allura with worry.
"This is the path of darkness."
Allura closed her hand, making it into a fist as she raised her head in determination.
"It is the path toward defeating Honerva."
"That's pretty much the gist of it."
Keith couldn't even think of a proper response, only being able to have his mouth slightly agape in an attempt to form words and his eyes enlarged into saucers. He had an idea of how far Allura would be willing to go to stop Honerva, but never did he think she would go to such extremes with something so foreign and dangerous. After all, it was the same type of entity that killed Romelle's friend Luca and almost killed Tavos once Honerva saw they were about to reveal vital information. How long would it be until she used it to have Allura meet a similar fate? The black paladin was pulled out of his stupor once he heard Lance let out an aggravated groan.
"I just don't get it." Lance griped. "What the hell was she thinking?" Keith crossed his arms as he thought his words over.
"She's probably thinking about how she can be a step ahead of Honerva. Since she initially used it to spy on all the Alteans, there might be a chance she could use the entity to pinpoint her location." Keith clarified.
"Maybe. But there had to have been another way to do it, right? Something that doesn't involve merging with a dark creature?" the red paladin probed almost desperately. Keith shrugged, shooting Lance a sympathetic look.
"There probably was, but to her it probably wouldn't have been enough." he replied. Lance shook his head as he went to pinch the bridge of his nose, visibly upset. Everything in Keith wanted to pull him into his chest and keep him there. To just place him there until he fell asleep to the sound of his heart. But this wasn't the time nor place for something so intense and intimate and given his current state ,the black paladin just might further agitate him, so he decided that a gentle yet firm hand on the red paladin's shoulder was much more appropriate.
"Does the rest of the team know about her idea?" Keith questioned hesitantly, hoping not to upset the red paladin.
"Yeah. She told them everything once she stepped into the room."
"How did they take it?" Lance couldn't help but scoff lightly.
"Better than me, I guess." Keith turned in his seat, facing Lance completely as the aforementioned paladin raised his head to look at him.
"What do you think?" Lance asked softly. This time, it was Keith's turn to shrug.
"I'm not fond of the idea. But if this is really the only way to get to Honerva, we have to take it. The only thing we can do is make sure she doesn't take things too far." Keith returned, his expression conflicted.
"Unless she already has." Lance mumbled. Suddenly, a ringing noise rang out in the hallway, alarming the two paladins. Keith reached into his pocket and pulled out the culprit: his phone. He removed his hand from Lance's shoulder as he rose from his seat, opening his phone and reading whatever contents laid in front of him on the screen. Lance couldn't help but to fall into a familiar trance, watching the way Keith's eyes moved rapidly with every line he read. But just as he was about to fall deeper, the purple eyes he was observing met his.
"It's Shiro." Keith reported suddenly.
"What did he want?" Lance inquired. Before Keith went to reply, he shut his mouth as his face contorted and scrunched his eyes. It lasted for a few seconds before he shook his head quickly, hoping to get rid of what was plaguing him.
Keith exhaled as he held his forehead in his hand, seemingly trying to calm his nerves. Lance felt his heartbeat continue to quicken, still gripping the bottom of his chair anxiously. With the way Keith reacted so viscerally, it was easy for him to become alarmed. Registering the silence, Keith finally turned back towards him, his face apologetic
"Sorry about that." Keith cringed. Lance finally regained his bearings and stood from his seat, taking light strides towards the black paladin in worry.
"No, no! It's fine." Lance sputtered. "Are you okay?" Choosing not to speak in order to prevent jinxing himself, Keith decided to simply nod. Lance's eyebrows furrowed in concern, now curious of what could've spewed such a reaction.
"What happened?
"I'm not sure. It just came out of left field. It actually happened earlier on my way over here." Keith explained. He instantly regretted saying it when he witnessed Lance's eyes widen in concern, his blue pupils focusing in on his face as if he were expecting it to happen again. The black paladin immediately reached over and grabbed ahold of Lance's arm, hoping to calm him down.
"Hey, it's nothing to worry about." Keith reassured. "It's probably just a migraine. I'll just take something after the meeting and then I'll be good to go." Somewhat satisfied with the answer, Lance exhaled, releasing any tension he had felt.
"Okay. I still have those pills you gave me in my room, so I'll go get them for you when it's over. Sound good?" Lance suggested. Keith gave him a small smile of gratitude before nodding lightly, not wanting to upset his head.
"Yeah. Thanks." he replied. Once he saw Lance's relieved smile, any trace of pain that was left in his head started to fade, now being replaced with the image of his smiling face. He was not convinced that his oceanic eyes contained some sort of healing factor because the longer Keith found himself lost in them, the more clear his head felt. Almost as if a cooling ocean made its way into his head and the soothing waves cooled the insides of his mind. The black paladin lowered his eyes down to his soft smile. He could feel the heat rushing into his face as he thought about the smile Lance gave him back in the cave at Clear Day and how he'd do anything to put that smile back on his face. Everything in him wanted to put a hand on his soft face, caressing his soft cheek with his thumb as he marveled at the smoothness and the warmth underneath his touch. He envisioned the traces of red appearing on Lance's cheeks as the red paladin nuzzled further into his hand.
His smile getting bigger.
His hand atop his.
His eyes half-open, being lulled by the touch of his hand and eventually looking down towards his lips in anticipation.
Waiting for something.
Something...something
"Something?"
Keith didn't register what he had said until he focused on Lance, noting the priceless yet puzzled look on his face. His eyebrow raised and his mouth to the side as his head was leaned back. A complete 180 of what the half Galran saw in his little...whatever the hell he just had. He subtly stabbed his palm with the nail of his thumb as he remembered where he was and what he was trying to say, along with trying to ignore the heat that was still burning his face.
"I was saying something, wasn't I?" Keith pondered, trying to keep his voice from being strained in embarrassment. Lance nodded almost immediately, a blush plaguing his face, as well.
"Um...Uh, yeah! Yes! About Shiro." He stammered.
"Right, right. He said he's almost here and that we should get ready." Lance sighed in relief, regaining his posture.
"Okay, good." Lance paused for a moment before taking a step closer to Keith.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Lance implored seriously.
"Positive." Keith replied without hesitation. "Now let's get inside." Lance nodded as he turned his head towards the meeting room, letting out a heavy sigh as a little bit of his stress seemed to return.
"I'm really not looking forward to this." Lance groaned, making his way to the room.
"I know." Keith replied, walking behind him. Once he entered the room, he understood why Lance had stepped out earlier. Keith looked to his left and saw Pidge sitting at the table, fiddling with her hands. Not that far from her was Hunk, who was walking back and forth with his hands behind his head with a nervous expression. He then turned his head and saw Allura and Coran near the front of the room, conversing with each other in hushed voices. Given the desperate look Coran had on his face and collected and stoic Allura looked in comparison, it didn't take brain science for Keith to figure out what the two of them were talking about. He finally turned his head to his right and looked at Lance, whom was looking at Allura. The red paladin closed his eyes and took a deep breath, possibly in an attempt to keep himself calm. Once he exhaled, he turned his head to meet Keith's gaze.
"You gonna be okay?" Keith mouthed to him.
"I think so." Lance mouthed back. The black paladin nodded, turning his head to face the room.
"Guys, listen up." his voice bellowed out, causing everyone in the room to jump and turn towards him. "Shiro's gonna be here any second, so we should get ready." he finished, heading to the seat near the front of the table next to Pidge. He turned his head just in time to see Lance walk past Allura and Coran before sliding into his seat. He didn't miss the way that Allura kept her bright blue eyes on him as he sat with his crossed arms or how taken aback Coran was at Lance's demeanor, expecting the red paladin to at least acknowledge her. Nonetheless, Allura immediately went and took the seat next to Lance, Coran sitting beside her. The princess kept her eyes focused on the red paladin, hoping that he would eventually cave in and acknowledge her, but to no avail. Surprisingly, Keith couldn't help but to pity the Altean. He could tell how desperate she was to get back into Lance's good graces or at very least to get him to talk to her at all. But in the same breath, she needed to reap what she sewed and deal with it. After what felt like forever, the door to the meeting room swooshed open, revealing the person that the paladins were waiting for.
"You wanted to see me?" Shiro asked. The paladins turned their heads as a collective as they stared at the former paladin. Lance took a quiet breath in.
Here we go...
Lance wasn't exactly sure how long it had been since the meeting started, but to him it felt like an eternity. Things were already uncomfortable considering the fact that Allura was sitting right next to him and all he could do was keep calm and focus on the meeting, so much so that he would find himself zoning out before snapping himself back into reality.
"The entity has bonded me to Honerva. The link is there whether we utilize it or not." Allura explained Shiro. "I believe that if the Paladins connect using the shared consciousness of Voltron, we may be able to travel through the void and into Honerva's mind."
"That could, in theory, give us access to her physical location as well as key information on how to defeat her." Pidge added on. Hunk soon interjected.
"Which, after what happened the last time we faced her, could be super useful."
And dangerous, Lance thought to himself, already thinking of all the harm that could be befall him and the team.
"Honerva is capable of creating galactic Komars, wormholes, Robeasts. And now Lotor and his mech are out there somewhere." the red paladin heard Keith delineate. "She is the single greatest threat the universe has ever faced, and we don't have any other leads. It might take lifetimes for another opportunity like this to come around. We think this is worth the risk."
Lance finally shifted his eyes to Shiro, waiting for his response as silence filled the room. He could tell that the former paladin was conflicted about everything he had just heard and was trying to process it all as he kept a hard gaze on the table. After a few moments, he began to speak.
"I spent a lot of time in the infinite void. It took all of my strength not to lose my sanity. And if you face Honerva in the void, she will win." Lance immediately furrowed his brows.
Well, that's comforting, he thought sarcastically.
"But..." Shiro started once more. "if you can find a clue that leads to defeating Honerva and Lotor, it could give us the upper hand in this fight." he finished, looking at Keith. The black paladin then turned his head to Lance, noticing his stressed expression. Even with the silence between them, Lance knew what Keith was trying to get him to do. The red paladin let out a sigh, garnering the attention of the group.
"I don't like the idea of the entity being used like this. We're messing with powers we don't fully understand that have ruined countless lives." Lance appealed to the room.
"It's...it's dangerous."
"Lance." Allura spoke almost immediately. "We're the paladins of Voltron. There is no one more capable of taking this on. It has to be us." The red paladin gripped the sleeve of his jacket, his agitation building up the more this went on.
"Us? No, it has to be you." Lance rebutted, his annoyance slowly becoming evident. "You were the one who decided to grab the entity and you're the one who has it inside you. Now the team has to follow YOU into uncharted territory because that...thing is inside of YOU and could very well kill you."
"It would be worth it if it meant Honerva is stopped."
"And what if she's not?" Allura immediately rose to her feet, taken aback by the red paladin's rebuttal.
"Are you suggesting that I just give up? Just abandon the entity and let Honerva continue to cause chaos?!" Allura exclaimed.
"You know that's not what he's trying to say, Allura." Keith argued, getting up from his seat along with Shiro.
"Princess, no one is saying that we shouldn't stop Honerva. If that were the case, we wouldn't be having this meeting. Defeating Honerva is our top priority and as paladins, we know that we have to take risks. Even the bad ones. With that being said, Lance isn't wrong about his concerns of the entity." Shiro remarked, sharing a quick look with the aforementioned Cuban boy before focusing back on the princess. Allura turned her hands into fists by her sides.
"Well, this is the only way." Allura maintained, the tone in her voice lowering. The room was dead silent with tension before Pidge's voice pierced through.
"Okay! So it's settled: we use the entity to find Honerva and the minute things get crazy, we leave! How does that sound, Shiro?" Pidge suggested quickly to the captain, wanting out of this meeting as soon as possible.
"Sounds like a plan. Anyone objections?" Shiro adjured to the room. Everyone shared glances with each other before turning back to the former black paladin, their silence answering his question.
"Then it's settled. Meet at the hangar in one varga. Let's start getting ready."
And with no hesitation, everyone who was still seated arose while everyone else who already stood took a second to decompress before heading out. Lance got up from his seat, his back sore from sitting and hands stuffed into his pockets as he started his walk towards the front of the table to the door. Before he could even take another step, a voice called before him.
"Lance. A word?"
The team collectively turned their heads at Allura's request, their eyes immediately going to the red paladin to gauge his reaction. While his face remained somewhat neutral, you'd have to be blind to not notice the exhaustion and annoyance in his eyes or the way the fabric of his pockets tightened from his inner grip. The team immediately dispersed away from the door, walking towards the two paladins with Shiro and Pidge going between Lance and Allura while Keith remained closer to the red paladin. Hunk immediately walked over to Lance, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder as he looked at Allura.
"Hey, it's been a long meeting. Let's not go around getting into more arguments, alright?" Hunk requested nervously, his voice riddled with fear of a potential confrontation.
"I couldn't agree more!" Coran added on, wrapping an arm around Allura's shoulders in an attempt to pull her out of the room with him. "Princess, why don't we just-"
"Fine." The team whipped their heads to Lance, whom was still facing away from the Altean. "If you wanna talk, let's talk." he spoke, his voice quiet but firm.
"A-Are you sure?" Pidge tensed, looking between the two.
"Yeah, you guys go ahead." Lance replied, his voice more calm. "I'll be fine." He turned his head slightly as his eyes met Keith's, giving him a look. Keith stared at him for a second before nodding and turning his head to the room.
"You heard him. Let's go." Keith announced, before heading to the door, pressing the pad to open it. Lance shared a grateful glance to the black paladin as one by one the team exited the room, with Keith being the last to leave as the door closed shut, leaving him with the princess. Lance knew that he said that he only wanted to have limited interaction with Allura at the moment, but after everything that went down at the meeting, he already had a feeling she wasn't going to let that happen. The only thing he could do was just stay calm and get out (and hopefully not be a repeat of what happened before Clear Day).
Lance took a deep breath and exhaled as he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping that it would make him keep his composure.
"Look, Allura. I don't know what you're hoping to gain from this, but I'm not gonna apologize. I'm allowed to be worried about you carrying a dangerous thing in your body for the means of defeating a crazy witch."
"So you do care." His eyes shot open as he slowly turned his head towards Allura, not believing what she had just spoke.
"Excuse me?"
"You care. About me carrying the entity. You're...actually worried about me." She said softly, her hands behind her back, her eyes holding a glimmer of hope for something unobtainable. Lance immediately felt defensive.
"So you think that just because I'm angry at you that I'm heartless, too?" Lance chided, making Allura's eyes enlarge.
"No! I just...I just didn't expect you to still worry." Allura implored.
"Of course I still worry." Lance replied. "You're my teammate." Allura felt her chest tighten at the title.
"That's it? Just a teammate?"
"Allura, I'm not doing this."
"You can't keep doing this." Lance could feel the anger rising within him, ready to explode. He clenched his fists so hard that his nails were pressing into his palms, hoping that the pain would keep him from blowing up.
"Doing what?" he shrugged.
"Avoiding me."
"Princess, if I really wanted to avoid you, I'd stop coming to meetings and going on missions." he attested. Allura could feel her annoyance bubbling over.
"You might as well! Whenever we go on missions and meetings, you talk to the rest of the team when they speak to you and then when we have free time, you avoid me!" Lance clapped his hands together and held them in front of his mouth, inhaling deeply before continuing.
"You don't think there's a reason for that?" the red paladin asked, his hands trembling with anger. Allura raised an eyebrow, arms crossing.
"What's that supposed to mean?
Keep calm, Lance. Just. keep. calm.
"Allura, you broke my heart. You did and said things that I never thought you were capable of doing. Things that in a million deca-pheobs I would NEVER do to you. And no matter how many times you say that you never meant to hurt me, that doesn't change the fact that you did exactly that. It is taking everything in me to heal and move on, but it's impossible because it feels like you always feel the need to...to chain me down." Lance explained, feeling himself choke up.
"Chain you do-? No!" Allura took a couple of strides towards him before stopping.
"Don't you get it?" Allura perused, reaching out her hand to the paladin. "I'm fighting. Fighting because I want things to go back to the way they were before. Because I want you to know how much I care about you and how much I lo-"
"DON'T." Lance grabbed her wrist, stopping her hand from touching his face. He could feel the weight of his rejection through her grief-stricken yet shocked face. He gave himself a moment to compose himself before he found his voice again.
"Don't say it." he croaked, releasing his grip on her hand. Defeated, the princess let her hand simply fall to her side.
"Allura, you may want things to go back to normal, but right now...it's impossible. Everything that's happening between us isn't healthy and everything that you've done has just been...wrong. If anything, it's borderline toxic and one of us has to acknowledge that. All I want from you is some respectable distance." Lance stated firmly. Allura couldn't help but freeze as she felt her blood run cold, her eyes wide in shock as hot breath hitched.
He had used it. He used the word.
That dreaded word she had been trying to distance herself from.
"Is that really what you think?" the princess asked meekly. Lance could only nod in response.
"I'm sorry, Princess. But teammates are the only thing we can be right now. And I'd truly appreciate it if you would respect that." he finished. The princess couldn't even form a sentence, choosing to instead wrap her arms around her frame and lower her gaze to the floor. Lance sighed as he turned and headed to the door before standing in front of it. He slowly turned to face the princess once more, being met with her downcast expression briefly before she raised her head slightly, waiting for his next words.
"And by the way, everyone on this team has hurt me at one point or another, but that has never stopped me from caring about them for even a tick. So if you honestly thought that my pain would make me heartless enough to not care about your safety when you have a literal dangerous entity within you, then it's gonna be awhile before we ever go back to how we were." Lance concluded, placing his palm against the glowing pad that opened the metal door before him, allowing him to walk out the heavy room away from the princess' tearful gaze.
Even though he already knew that it would be an intense conversation, Lance still wasn't any less floored. The moment he stepped out of the room, he knew that he needed to make his retreat back to his room, hoping to calm himself down before he was set to go out with the rest of the team. He wanted nothing more than to be secluded within his walls and let out any type of fulfilling release.
Screaming into a pillow.
Punching the wall.
Crying in the bathtub.
Anything that could relieve the weight.
It was like at every turn, Allura always managed to blindside him, whether it be with her words or her mere presence alone. That alone made the red paladin feel somewhat agitated, never knowing what she was going to say or how she was going to react. But either way, the end result was the same: he would walk away. Because why would he not? If this were any one of Slav's alternate realities, he would be on the sidelines, worried about her every move and action while the princess went on to do the unrecognizable, not being able to get her to see anything beyond her goal. He would be the one trying to keep her comfort her and be by her side while her anger grows, allowing him not to get a word in as she always felt the need to say that he "didn't understand." That's probably who he would've been had things gone differently on date night, and that was a version of himself that Lance didn't want to become.
He didn't want to be the lovestruck boy who carried the emotional weight of someone else. He wanted to be someone different. Someone who knew his worth and what he deserved.
"Lance!"
The red paladin was propelled out of his thoughts by the familiar voice, his blood immediately running cold. He reluctantly turned around and was met with Coran, coming towards him urgently. So either two things happened: he's coming to see if he's okay OR he saw Allura after he left and is about to abduct him from this very hallway and feed him to Kaltenecker.
"What's up?" Lance asked, doing his best to sound calm. "I thought you would be going after Allura." Upon reaching the red paladin, the Altean halted his steps.
"I did. That's why I came after you." Coran replied. If he wasn't so exhausted from the conversation, Lance would've gulped.
Yup. Gonna be fed to Kaltenecker.
"What did she say?"
"Well, that's just it. She didn't tell me anything and just left the room. But I could tell that she was upset. And apparently, so are you." Coran explained. Lance couldn't help but to look away from Coran. He knew that every talk he had with Allura she would end up hurt, so what was he supposed to say to the man who sees her as his own daughter? How was he supposed to tell him that the reason for his distance is because she broke his heart? How the hell was he supposed to explain that?
Better yet, what was keeping her from explaining that?
"Lance, what has happened between you two? I thought things between you two were going well after you went out, but now you two are growing apart. Please tell me." Coran pleaded, wanting nothing more than to get to the bottom of this situation. The red paladin could only give him a sad smile.
"You were right." Lance confessed, making Coran give him a puzzled look.
"About what?" he inquired.
"About why I can't date Allura. I can't give her what she wants. I'm not the person who can give her what she needs. I can't understand her the way she wants me to. There's no sense in me trying to push things further." Coran couldn't help but to look at the young man incredulously, gobsmacked at his confession.
"W-What brought this on?" the Altean man stammered. Lance could only shake his head.
"We just...don't fit." Lance affirmed.
"My boy, I don't understand." Coran replied, his voice almost a whisper. Lance shrugged as he felt his eyes become somewhat glossy.
"I know. But it's like you pointed out when I went to you for permission: I'm just a human."
Coran's eyes widened in shock, immediately being brought back to that conversation all that time ago. Guilt immediately washed through him as he just stood and stared at Lance's face. But before he could step closer and get a word in, Lance had already turned around and walked away, not missing the deep inhale that the young man took as he walked further and further away from him.
Quiznak...
Lance couldn't bring himself to focus on the controls as he sat in the cockpit of his lion, groaning and leaning back in his seat. He could still feel the remnants of tension trapped in his chest as he shut his eyes tightly. He could still remember the dreadful atmosphere in the hangar as the paladins went through their final rundown with Shiro before boarding their lions. Lance had made a point to separate himself far from Allura and focus on the plan, but even that proved to be a challenge as the tension between him and the princess continued to thicken. And if Hunk and Pidge's awkward speedwalk to their lions said anything, the group was feeling it, as well (which given current events, was completely understandable).
"Lance?"
Lance opened one of his eyes at the call of his name, shifting his single gaze to the side. He then caught sight of the red square floating next to his seat, revealing Keith and the concerned expression on his face. The red paladin opened his other eye and turned his head to the screen.
"Hey, man." he replied tiredly.
"Hi. How are you doing?"
"I've had better days, I suppose." Lance replied exhaustedly. Keith shot him a sympathetic look as he gazed upon the red paladin's drained face.
"Yeah and you kinda look it, too. No offense." Keith said cautiously, not wanting to offend. Lance raised his hand nonchalantly.
"None taken." Lance reassured. He placed his hands behind the back of his head as he lifted his eyes, opting to stare at the ceiling of his cockpit. The silence between the paladins lasted momentarily as one of their voices pierced through.
"I hate this." Keith raised an eyebrow at the sudden statement.
"What?"
"Just this whole situation with Allura. I hate it." Lance confessed.
"You mean the situation with the entity or just the whole situation with you two in general?"
"Both." The red paladin sat up within his seat as he placed his elbow on the arm of his chair, placing his head on his hand as he looked to the screen that displayed the black paladin.
"Keith, can I ask you something? And do you promise to answer honestly?" Lance requested. The aforementioned leader nodded without hesitation.
"Yes, and I do." he answered. Lance looked down to his lap, thinking over his oncoming question.
"Do I-do I deserve this?" he asked meekly. Lance looked up and caught Keith, whom looked utterly dumbfounded at his question and unable to make a response. The red paladin looked away sheepishly as he began to explain.
"I was in love with Allura for so long. I wanted to be with her so badly. But then, my feelings for her kept shifting and shifting until they finally disappeared. I just...fell out of love with her. And then...that happened and I couldn't be near her without screaming or crying. And now she has a living creature inside of her. Maybe...I don't know, maybe the universe is trying to tell me that all of this my fault. That I deserve all of this. Maybe this is all some sort of weird, annoying space karma for rejecting her. For not loving her. For putting myself first."
For having feelings for someone else. For you.
Keith couldn't help but to sit in his seat stunned, not the slightest bit prepared for the words that had just been spoken. He couldn't help but to ponder how long Lance had been feeling this way. Why he would feel this way. Just the fact that Lance thinks that he deserves any of this suffering pissed off the black paladin immensely.
"Is that really what you think?" Keith asked incredulously. "You really think you deserve all this?" Lance nodded, slowly placing his gaze back on his screen. The black paladin took a deep breath and exhaled through his nose before he opened his mouth.
"Well you shouldn't." Keith requested, his voice firm. "You got your heart by someone you loved. You've been feeling hurt, confused, sad, betrayed, and all of the above! Hell, I've seen you lash out and avoid her whenever you could! But it wasn't because you were being malicious. It was because you were sick of being hurt and you didn't want to go through those waves all over again. So you shouldn't be punishing yourself for looking out for yourself."
Keith could feel his heart begin to ache as he watched Lance rub at his eyes, clearly trying to stop them from shedding any potential tears.
"I know that." Lance replied, his voice slightly shaky. "I promise you, I know that." The red paladin slowly hunched over and dragged a hand through his hair, gripping it tightly as his gaze focused on his floor and feet.
"It's just that...I can't help but feel like Allura is using the entity because of me. Because every time she tried to talk to me, I would get upset and walk away. We even got into it in the conference room after you guys left. It's like the more she does something crazy or gets defensive about something to the team, the more I feel like that it's because of me." Lance explained tiredly. Because of his current stance, he missed the way Keith immediately shook his head in disagreement.
"Lance, every word or action that Allura has said or done was her choice. At the end of the day, she chose to kiss you the same way she chose to use the entity to find Honerva. You have to stop feeling responsible for her decisions. If she can't accept that she hurt you and that you need space, then that's on her. She should be the one to bare with the outcomes of her choices, not you." Keith insisted, wanting to remove every ounce of unnecessary guilt that Lance was feeling.
"Yeah, but what if I just made things worse? I mean, back in the conference room I pretty much told her that she was acting toxic."
"And she was." Lance finally raised his head, meeting Keith's purple orbs through his red screen. He watched as Keith sighed and closed his eyes, probably to gather his words. He eventually opened his eyes as he started to speak.
"Look, I'm sorry that Allura is hurting and I'm sure her heart is broken, too. But that doesn't excuse what she did. You really need to give yourself some slack, Lance." Keith responded. This time, it was Lance's turn to sigh.
"I know." the red paladin groaned. "It's just-"
"Hard?" Keith interjected, finishing Lance's statement.
"Yeah. And the more I think about it, the more I feel-"
"Like you'll lose your head?"
"Yeah." The black paladin gave the Cuban another look of sympathy.
"Well don't. It's gonna get easier. I'm sure of it." Keith said reassuringly. "Also please don't lose your head. Kinda need it for you to pilot your lion and for us to form Voltron." Lance quirked an eyebrow.
"Is that all you care about?" Lance deadpanned, only to be met with Keith's poker face and a quick nod.
"Pretty much." There was a brief moment of silence before Lance began to chuckle lightly, which soon turned into light giggles. Giggles so light you had to be within the cockpit to hear them, but Keith heard them loud and clear.
"And you wanna talk about me losing my head." Lance quipped, being met with one of Keith's rare smiles, like the one he gave him in the buggy on Clear Day. He didn't miss the way his eyes held relief and joy for his own laughter, something that the red paladin had definitely been deprived of given the circumstances. He felt less like the wise-cracking, funny guy he used to be and more like a tired soldier living a constant battle to keep his head from exploding from the stresses and trauma that crossed his path.
And speaking of exploding heads...
"That reminds me." Lance spoke suddenly. "I've been meaning to ask you: you took the medicine for your migraine right?" Keith's eyes widened slightly at the sudden question, but eventually relaxed and nodded his head.
"Yeah, I took a pill before we left." Keith answered. "My head still hurts every now and then, but it's not as bad as before." Lance let out an internal sigh of relief.
"Well, I guess that's good." he shrugged, letting out a small smile.
"You worried I'm gonna collapse or something?" Keith inquired teasingly, causing the red paladin to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly from being put on the spot.
"Wh-Of course not! But...y-you can never be too careful!" Lance stammered, making the leader chuckle.
"Oh? So do I need to be looking out for you, too?" he smirked. "Because you look like you've seen better days. So between the two of us, I might be the last one standing." Lance crossed his arms, his face redder than the lion he was piloting.
"Ha ha ha." he laughed, sarcasm evident in his voice. "I'll be fine, team leader. You don't have to make a competition out of this."
"Wasn't going to." The black paladin crossed his arms, leaning in slightly towards the screen. "Did you want me to?"
"NO!"
Lance sank into his seat as his cockpit became filled with Keith's pathetic attempt to keep himself from laughing, which only resulted in him doing exactly that. As much as he wanted to throttle the black paladin at the moment, he couldn't help but to admit that it felt good to laugh again. He knew that once he walked out the doors of his lion, he would have to snap himself back into reality. Back to tense conversations, dreadful tension, and suppressed emotions. But right now, in this moment, he was okay.
He was smiling.
He was quipping.
And he was with him.
"Alright, alright." Lance started to declare. "Enough of this back and forth game. Now shut your quiznak and let's get back to it."
"Lance, we've pretty much been paladins for years now. You'd think you know how to say that word correctly by now."
"Shut up, mullet!" Lance exclaimed, finally turning off his screen to keep himself from being subjected to Keith's annoying yet endearing laughter. Even as the silence started to fill the cockpit, the red paladin couldn't help but to smile and let out a few more chuckles of his own after the fact, the stress and anxiety that once filled the small space finally dissipating.
But unbeknownst to the two paladins, there would be a worst game to play.