When she was young, Fanny lived by the sea with her parents and her family. They lived in the smallest of houses, but such details often go unnoticed by children. As long as they have somewhere to go home to, a mother that will feed them, and a bed to sleep in, young children have little to no concept of socioeconomic class.
It was that childhood that Fanny chose to remember, before the pressure for money and resources was a responsibility. She remembered quickly finishing chores and running outside to play. She remembered her siblings teasing her, designing games and running with wild abandon.
It was this unadulterated freedom that she experienced strangely enough when she danced with Mr. Crawford.
It had been a surprise to see him appear out of nowhere. He said her name, and he led her to the dance floor. His touch was warm even through their respective gloves.
They did not speak but she could not stop trying to sneak glances at him. He was looking at her so openly it drove her into embarrassment and she looked away again.
They stepped closer and she noticed the buttons of his coat, well polished and refined, just as he was. They stepped back and forth from each other, until finally touching hands with crossed arms to go down the line. The act felt incredibly intimate, and Fanny felt her face heat. She had to remind herself that they were dancing, nothing scandalous.
At the same time, the touch was liberating, taking her back to a time she had been carefree. He held her hands tightly and he watched her closely. As jarring as it was, it was also comforting. As if they were the only two in the room.
He turned her and she remembered the wonderful games she played with her sibling. They would play until they would fall over with dizziness. She felt that dizziness now, of the best kind.
Just as catching a glimpse of her in the crowd erased all other thoughts, dancing with Miss Price erased all other people except for her. She was a careful dancer, wanting to get every step correct, but at some point she released the tension in her shoulders and danced freely.
She slid shy glances at him, and they were almost a taunt. The small peaks were pretty but maddening, and he wished to take her face so he could stare into it as long as he wanted.
Miss Price danced beautifully, and her movements became more sure and graceful as she became more comfortable. He watched her carefully, and he could see her eyes take on a far off look, so engrossed she was in the dance and the music.
The joy and serenity on her face convinced him how much he adored her. He wanted to capture that face and this feeling in something, a painting, a bottle, anything to keep with him forever.
The dance ended too soon he felt, but he did not move, causing the girl before him to cast wide eyes. There was no harm in a second dance, however, and off they were.
His purpose was fulfilled when Miss Price paid him more attention during this second set. It was quite thrilling, just as when a wild creature blessed you with its notice.
They still did not speak, at least not aloud. Henry responded to her wide eyes with a cheeky smile. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously, and he gave her the most innocent look he could muster. She sighed and all but rolled her eyes. He grinned and could not stop grinning.
The second set ended even sooner than the first.
Henry led Miss Price off of the dance floor.
"Miss Price, have you been well?" He asked politely, as if they had not just had quite the intimate dance.
"Yes, Mr. Crawford, and yourself?" She clasped her hands before her. All politeness.
He was delighted at her attention and confidence in conversation with him.
"Much better now." He smiled. Now that I have seen you.
"How are Miss Croft and Mr. Lucas?" She carried on, glancing at the dance floor. "Was the trip safe and well?"
"They are well," They were not, but he did not want to talk about that. "And the trip was wonderful." It was not, it was tiring and annoying. "Was your trip to London satisfactory?"
"Yes, very satisfactory," She still refused to look at him.
"How are you liking London, Miss Price?" He stepped in front of the dance floor into her field of vision.
"A lovely place," She blinked at him before looking away again to a crowd to their left.
"Very true," He gave a giant step back. "Have you had the chance to visit any theaters? Operas?"
"I…" She blinked at him again.
He caught a blush on her face before she turned away again.
"Has the exercise exhausted you, Miss Price?" Henry teased, he coaxed his head to the side to pef ek at her face again. "You seem a bit parched. Or perhaps there is another reason for your blush?"
Her cheeks brightened, but she finally turned to him.
"Yes, the dancing was a little tiring," She accused.
He grinned at having provoked her.
"I have missed you, Miss Price," The words escaped him.
Her lips parted in surprise, shock twisted on her face from his words.
"I have missed our banter," He quickly corrected himself, his own face threatening to blush. "Our good-natured teasing."
"Good-natured," Miss Price repeated incredulously, a valiant effort to return to their version of normal.
They were saved in the worst way possible.
"Ah, good to see you again Crawford." Tom Bertram leisurely approached them. "It has been a few weeks now, has it not?"
"Indeed," Henry furrowed his brows at the unwelcome company. Just when he had settled his jealousy of Edmund, the other brother stepped right in to take his place. "You seem in much better health."
"I am very much healed, yes," Tom nodded and gestured toward Miss Price. "It is, of course, all from the efforts of Fanny. She took care of me vigilantly, and it is because of Fanny that I am as well as I am."
That he had the privilege of using her Christian name was an irritating fact for Henry. Furthermore, Tom seemed to be using it excessively, and his calm speech was in no way hiding the underlying message.
"I did very little," Fanny was protesting. "You recovered because of the medicine the doctor gave you and your own strength."
"Yes, Miss Price is very kind," Henry answered Tom. "During our stay there she was incredibly attentive and an intelligent conversationalist." He disliked how possessive Tom was of Miss Price as if he were the only man in her life.
"Yes, and I apologize I had to take Fanny away from the visitors," Tom nodded. "She is a very capable nurse and I do not know what I would have done without her. She had to spend almost every minute at my side."
Henry was very ready to shoot back with another tidbit but he happened to look at Miss Price. She was completely horrified at the turn of the conversation. Her darkened eyes were looking between them frantically, desperate for an escape.
It was a real struggle to unclench his jaw, and step back from the oncoming argument.
"I dislike being an interruption, but I came here to ask if Fanny was willing to offer me a dance?" Tom turned to Miss Price.
There was a terrible stone cast in Henry's emotional state as he had not had the chance to speak with her nearly enough. The only satisfaction that he received was when she looked at him before taking Tom's hand. He gave a half nod. She again cast a look back at him as she was led away.
Fanny was pulled once again into a set, she did not recall ever dancing as much. Moreover, she was trying to simultaneously push away that accidental comment of Mr. Crawford. The act of trying to forget is a paradox on its own.
"Are you terribly angry with me, Fanny?" Tom interrupted her thoughts.
"Angry?" She was surprised at the question.
"Yes, for interrupting," Tom looked at the floor in a rare show of embarrassment. "And for making you cry, and for tormenting you. Honestly, you have many justifiable reasons to be angry with me."
"I am not angry," Fanny said kindly. "I know that you mean me no harm."
They parted ways as per the dance.
"Never," Tom said vehemently when they came together again. " I would never forgive myself for hurting you in any way."
She gave him a smile, showing she understood.
"Honestly, I was not a good man, and people do not change from one day to the next. So I understand your reservations about me." Tom furrowed his brow. "I must earn your trust."
"No-" They parted again.
How could Fanny explain that she trusted him completely? That she cared for him, and was so proud of the man he was becoming?
They finished the dance, and within Fanny remained the ache of unspoken words and misunderstanding. It was as if she were witnessing the wall between them growing taller. She stood before it with an axe, but she was powerless to use it.
Henry felt a tug of his heart, as he watched Miss Price dance with the man she would marry. They looked well together.
Who was he to come between them?
They knew each other for so many years. She was his savior, and he would be hers. She would always be happy and taken care of in the home she was raised. She could help her parents and siblings find good positions and better their situation.
He wanted nothing more than her happiness.
Henry had never been as selfless. Only months prior, he would have argued and fought for what he wanted, what he thought he deserved.
But like Tom, he grew and now self-reflected.
She must be an extraordinary woman to make two idiots into almost decent men.
Indeed, an extraordinary woman…
He tore his gaze from Miss Price to have them land on his sister. Laughing at her husband's side. She truly was cruel to play happy wife before all these aching hearts.
As if sensing him, Mary raised her eyes and met his own.
Her smile disappeared.
That clever girl had the intuition of a psychic.
She gave the smallest of shakes of her head.
He ignored it, and turned on his heel to leave the festivities.