Hell in a Crapbasket
Episode 2, Luxuria: level 1
The first thing that many in the group did once they stepped out of the gateway was puke their guts out, making the platform look similar to a busy street corner after a football match.
"If this is how portal travel is going to be every single time, I'm not looking forward to it." Ralts complained as he held onto his head, which was still spinning in the aftermath. The others were not much better, with the obvious exception of Pandemonica.
"It gets much easier after the first few times." The group's resident demon made her best attempt at reassuring them. She was holding herself much better than the rest, although her face was a shade or two paler than before. Thankfully for her, everyone was too preoccupied to take notice of that.
The dizzying effect of the portal slowly faded away, although for some reason they continued to feel lightheaded. Using the walls to pull themselves up, the humans observed the laboratory around them. It was just as much of a relic as the one in Limbo, from what they could see. The air felt… hazy. As if their eyes couldn't focus that well.
Alien and Ralts attempted to clean their glasses, but it didn't seem to help much. With every breath their lungs felt on fire, but at the same time they craved more.
"Why in the everloving fuck does it feel like we just stepped from a sunny street into a steaming hot sauna?" The Finn of the group commented, heaving as he tugged at his shirt collar. "Not that I mind, but at the same time you're supposed to be naked in a sauna, anything else is blasphemy."
"We're in Hell, were you really expecting anything that isn't blasphemy, dude?" Alien took off his jacket as he asked that, tying it around his waist.
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"Well, you're not wrong in the sense that clothes are optional in this circle… for all except you. I won't have you all running around naked under my watch." The demoness gave them all a sharp glare.
"Who gave you the dictatorial powers here?" Cletus asked with a raised eyebrow. "What's next, you gonna tell us we can't eat something because it wasn't to your tastes?"
"You seem to have forgotten a rather important detail here. If it were not for me, you would have all died already multiple times over. Plus, you'd do well to remember who it is that knows the intricacies of Hell!"
"You say that as if your protection automatically makes us your slaves who have to follow your every direction without question even outside of battle because of… what? Because you are powerful enough that everyone beneath you looks like an ant in comparison? Also, just because you know how things work traditionally doesn't mean you automatically have all the best solutions in every situation. Ever heard the phrase 'thinking outside the box'?"
The remaining three looked on as the debate enraged. Sloth fiddled with the horn in his pocket, getting ready to intervene if things turned to violence. Ralts seemed unsure of what to do, but stood his ground regardless.
Alien was torn. Sure, he didn't agree with the way that Pandemonica treated them, but it wasn't like he could exactly go against her… or could he? After all, according to the deal they'd struck…
"Alright both of you, that's enough!"
The duo turned to glare at Alien, who didn't budge.
"You stay out of this argument you damn simp!"
"You think I like doing that shit, you fucking loon? We've all got a shit deal as it is, don't expect me to stand by. And you!" He turned to Pandemonica, ignoring Cletus' attempt to answer. "Our deal said that you would not fight us. Are you trying to back out already?"
Cletus had a look of realization as Alien said his piece before gaining a shit-eating grin as he turned back towards the Demon, who was now looking quite nervous.
"That's right, and because we didn't specify on what form this fighting could or could not take, it can include the verbal form as well." Cletus stepped up, standing to Alien's side.
"And remember-" Alien continued "-the deal never said anything about us serving you. Everything I've done was out of the goodness of my heart. Even as a demon, aren't there some consequences for not reciprocating respect?"
The warehouse remained silent after that. Nobody made a move, anticipating the worst.
Everyone tensed as a violet fog began to rise up around Pandemonica, slowly crawling up her legs and over her body. The miasma spread over the floor, slowly inching towards them.
Everyone's guard went up.
The mist threatened to reach their legs, a few strands reaching out like tentacles towards them. Where the fog touched the floor, they could see it slowly rust away.
And just as it had come, the fog vanished. The demoness bowed her head with a defeated sigh.
"A demon's word is worth more than their life," she whispered. "They who turn against Lady Lucifer are scum, but those who break their word are worse than scum," the demoness recited the lines to herself, her horns seeming to lose some of their usual sharpness as she repeated the mantra over and over.
Seeing as they didn't seem to be in any immediate danger, the four made their way past Pandemonica. The floor crumbled a bit under their feet, but only half an inch or so was truly damaged.
As the group approached the warehouse's doors, Cletus lightly bumped Alien's side to get the bigger man's attention.
"Uh, would just like to say that I'm sorry for calling you a simp back there. Had a bit of a heated gamer moment." He said, his posture and tone more subdued than usual.
The bespectacled man shrugged and gave his friend a pat in the back as they walked. "Heard worse."
"So, we cool then?"
"Aye."
The two stepped in front of the doors, getting ready to open them.
"Wait!"
All four men turned to gaze blankly at Pandemonica.
"What?" Cletus groused, giving the demoness a dull stare.
"...You still feel quite dizzy, don't you?" After receiving a quick nod, she continued. "Outside of here it's even worse. If you go outside without any safety, you will get lost."
"I'm guessing you have a solution to offer?" Cletus responded with a sigh.
The demoness' eyes flicked over to the rope still tied around Alien's midsection. The man looked down too, as if noticing it for the first time.
"I am not tying a rope around myself like I'm some chattel slave." Cletus deadpanned as he realized what was being hinted.
"Got a better plan then?" Alien asked.
"Yes, we can just simply hold onto the rope. We have these things called hands, you know?"
Alien hummed, looking at his hands as if they were hiding the secrets of the universe from him. Then he looked at Pandemonica, and at the rope. Before anyone had the time to say anything, Alien had tied the other end of the rope around Pandemonica.
"If you're so worried about losing me, then it's only fair I do the same, no?"
"...yes, I suppose."
Cletus grabbed onto the rope, followed immediately after by Sloth. Ralts climbed onto Alien's back.
Once everything was set, Alien went to push the door open. It didn't move one bit.
"I think this one requires some jolly cooperation." Sloth joked as he went to help.
Even between the two of them, though, the door seemed stuck. Soon everyone was pushing - except for Ralts - and they finally managed to get some progress. Slowly the doors moved, creaking and groaning.
"Fucking hell, was there like a landslide that's buried everything on the other side?"
"I think it might be-" Pandemonica's next words were drowned out as a massive gale of wind pushed through the crack, bringing with it a massive amount of sand.
"I hwate swand." Cletus mumbled as he got a faceful of the coarse soil.
The warehouse's metallic floor gave way to the irritating softness of sand under their feet. The intense wind did nothing to stop the sweltering heat from affecting everyone. If anything, it seemed to make everything that much warmer.
After one last heave, everyone stepped away from the doors just as the wind picked up again, slamming the massive slabs of metal behind them.
"Well, the only way is forward."
"Everyone stick together, I'll do something that will make our travel at least slightly more bearable!" Pandemonica shouted over the screaming winds.
The heat seemed to recede, and the winds around them were reduced to a light breeze. While it wasn't perfect, it was by all accounts a small bubble of comfort in an otherwise horrible place.
The improvised 'caravan' began to traverse the desert, begrudgingly following Pandemonica's directions. At least the lack of a sun removed the issue of burning, though the air felt thin. Everyone found themselves gasping for air much faster than they expected, even needing to take breaks multiple times within an hour.
"There should be a settlement just over the next dune." The demon leading the group announced. "...Unless the sands have shifted massively since I was last here, which might well be the case," she added as an afterthought.
Cletus heard some muttering behind him. Alien was there, listening intently to something Ralts was saying. Just as the frail man was done talking, his carrier apparently focused on the demon, glaring at her. After a few seconds Alien nodded, whispering something back to Ralts.
Curious about the exchange, Cletus hung back a little, getting closer to the two.
"Hey, what are you guys talking about?" He asked, matching their low tone.
"Nothing," Alien quickly replied.
For his part, Ralts chuckled. "C'mon, tell him. It's fine."
Alien shook his head and glared at Ralts. Not that he seemed to care, as he continued.
"Alien here just noticed that Pandemonica has a dumptruck ass and has been totally staring the whole time."
"I have not!"
"Yeah you did."
Cletus raised an eyebrow questioningly, looking almost disappointed. "You noticed that just now? I'm pretty sure she even sat on you at one point."
"...that didn't happen. I'm not that much of a doormat."
"The proofs so far state otherwise."
Unbeknownst to the group, Pandemonica's humanlike looks masked a being with a very honed sense of hearing, trained by centuries of listening to gossiping employees. She was hearing every word that the group said.
"First they humiliate me, and now they have the gall to slaver over my body like a bunch of animals? The audacity of these humans… though I suppose it has been a while- no! Control yourself!" She shook her head in an attempt to banish the thoughts out of her head. Unfortunately, even as a High Demon, Luxuria's aura still held some effect on her. It whispered to her, tempting her to forget about everything and just do as her accursed heart desired.
And while she would've been delighted to leave those humans to their own devices, it would have meant to break a pact and to go directly against Lady Lucifer's orders. The consequences… she didn't want to think about that. But if the option was either that or think about the animals following her, she was going to take the first choice in a heartbeat.
What did she even see in those monkeys? How were they supposed to be a threat? That 'doomguy' being - she refused to refer to it as a mortal, there was no way it was one - she could understand being afraid of, something that was rumored to be capable of killing titans like Baphomet's children with its bare hands, but these? They were barely better than their tree-climbing ancestors. No self-control, no logic to their actions or words. Only the barest bit of intellect, which somehow always came up when it most inconvenienced her.
And Lady Lucifer wanted her to become their 'friend'? That word felt disgusting to even think, especially when associated with pests like those.
"A Cambian, you say..?" Lucifer asked from the other end of the line, her voice trailing off.
"Yes, ma'am. They barely survived the encounter. I still don't understand how you could be afraid of such a poor display."
A long sigh came from the other end of the line. "You really don't understand, do you? If these were average humans, they would have been slaughtered by the first few imps they would've found. The fact that they could stall a Cambian shows that they are already adapting. Killing them now would bring the Beast on our heads, and letting them live gives them the time to overcome anything that won't instantly end them. By the time they reach their peak, they might rival a Devil, or even a Fiend in power."
A long moment of silence stretched out between the two, as the implications of what Lucifer had just said settled.
"Which is why it's so important that they like you, and any other demon they meet," the Morning Star continued. "In fact, I have some additional orders for you. When you get the chance, try to have some other demons join you. Hopefully that might expedite the process somewhat."
"I see," Pandemonica relented. "I will do my best to… befriend... these mortals."
"Yes, yes, befriend them, seduce them, let them run a train on your ass, I don't care for your methods, so long as you produce results. I've gotta go now, keep me updated."
"Wait, wha-" The call ended, leaving Pandemonica to trail off.
Her grip on the phone tightened to the point that one could swear they heard it crack.
She shuddered at the memory. Like she'd ever debase herself so low as to… eugh, copulate, with a human. She hoped that it was just some kind of sick joke.
"But it would be hot though." The voice at the back of her mind whispered suavely, as if it were stating simplicity itself. "Admit it, you did get a bit turned on when they pulled that 'breaking our deal' bit on you."
It took a lot of willpower for her to eventually get the voices to shut up and fade into the background. For now, at least.
Thankfully the town of Luxuria proper was still where she remembered. She couldn't wait to get that whole mess over with.
"Look, look… there's a bunch of…"
"Yes, we know we saw them already. It's the fifth orgy we walked past."
"Come on, do you see anything like this on public display back on Earth? It's a very unique social phenomenon. Actual social science people would be all over this shit if they had the chance to document even a fraction of what we're gonna see here."
Alien glared towards the blue of squirming bodies, specifically at one very fat man surrounded by demons. "I'm really fuck'n glad I don't, believe me." He rubbed his eyes. "Imma need eye bleach for this shit…"
Ralts quietly pointed ahead of them, but his arm got quickly pulled down by Alien.
"...how about we stop talking about ass?" The taller man groaned.
"Ok." His friend pointed at something else, just a bit higher.
"...ok yeah those are some nice tits, but can we not?"
"Alien, why do you hate fun?" Cletus asked with a slight tilt of his head.
He seemed to ignore them, instead pulling on the rope a bit to get Pandemonica closer to them. "What are we even here for?"
"We're supposed to…"
"Bloooooooood!" A cry that somehow managed to overpower the constant sounds of sex echoed across the street as a crazed-looking demon with a line of white covering the underside of his nose ran towards the group, a large knife raised to strike. Everyone jumped in different directions, the knife cutting the rope as it went down.
"Damn, I almost forgot what imbeciles some of Luxuria's inhabitants could be!" Pandemonica sighed as she turned towards the lunatic and blasted him with a spell. The demon laid flat on the ground, convulsing in agony even though there were no visible wounds on his body.
"It's safe now, you can…" She trailed off as she looked behind her, only to notice that the only thing left of her followers was a trail of severed rope. "Oh for six's sake!"
After losing sight of everyone else in the sea of bodies, fluids and sand, Sloth found himself wandering around without a clear goal in mind. Everything felt a bit hazier than before. He was supposed to meet his friends… right? But for what?
Well, he could figure it out later. For now he wanted to find something fun to do.
A loud voice attracted his attention. What was it, a fight? Maybe someone was having a break-up. That might be entertaining.
He walked into a plaza where there seemed to be quite a large gathering of demons of all kinds, surprisingly all still with their clothes on… although said clothes were very skimpy. At the other end of the plaza, standing on top of a wooden box, was Cletus. The man was shouting something or the other while waving his fist around, he couldn't really follow along, but the demons all seemed to be enraptured by whatever he was saying.
"...And I may be just some dumb human who read some books, but even I can see what's wrong here! All of you here, each and every one of you that needs to literally sell your bodies and your labor to survive, are the ones that create the value that this society functions on with the labor that you do, yet you get only a fraction of it by the time you finish your shift and the paycheck comes in! Why is that, some might ask?"
Sloth saw several of the demons muttering amongst themselves, though the response seemed positive. Good for Cletus, he had some fans. Although he felt that there was something… off about how the man spoke. Sloth never remembered Cletus being this charismatic yet he seemed to be able to come up with his entire speech on the spot and deliver it without any hiccups.
"The answer is simple! Because your bosses quite literally steal the majority of it from you in the form of surplus value that either goes straight to their own pockets in the form of bonuses or is used as new capital to expand their business so they can exploit even more members of the working class and do it twice as hard! There is no method too low that your bosses won't stoop to in pursuit of their precious profits! Any and I really mean ANY method that they can use to squeeze more value from you and break the back of organized labor they will attempt! I say fuck that! The working class is entitled to nothing less than all that it creates and I for one think it's about time the people who rule this society learned that fact!"
The crowd roared, almost drowning out the end of his speech. Their voices melted together into a cacophony of agreements, complaints, and demands for better treatment. Soon, the crowd had split off into groups, all rushing off into different directions.
Well, as nice as that was, Sloth hadn't really understood what happened, so he left.
After a few minutes, some new sounds attracted his attention. It sounded like cheering… and metal? There was some grunting too, but it was different from the kind that went on around the streets.
He slipped into an alley, and came upon a sign. On it was drawn some sort of really fit demon, with an arrow pointing to the right. Following the arrow, he found an underground entrance.
Sloth entered into the building proper, and the sounds from before became much more prominent. In the middle of the room was a small crowd of demons, all of them covered in extremely chiselled muscles. They were counting, while someone in the middle of the crowd kept pumping some weights.
When the crowd reached the number twenty they all exploded into a cheer. With a loud clunk the barbell was put away, and the person in the middle got up. It was Alien. His short brown hair was matted with sweat, and at some point he'd put away his glasses, but he was sporting the biggest grin at that moment. He sluggishly thrust an arm into the air, yelling out a "Woo!" which was echoed by the demons.
Sloth half-heartedly joined in on the cheering, more out of happiness that his friend was enjoying himself more than anything else. The taller man spotted him, making his way over.
"Hey Sloth, why don't you join us? I was gonna start working on my legs next, it might help you too since you run around so much!" He gave a boisterous laugh, patting Sloth on the back.
The lithe man shook his head calmly. "Nah man, go have fun. This isn't really for me."
Alien stared at Sloth as if he'd grown two new heads and another arm. After a short moment, though, his look melted into a more understanding look. "I get it man. Have a run or something, I'll be here for a bit longer. Been a while since I had the chance to actually work some iron, y'know?"
"Yeah, I get it. Enjoy!" Sloth yelled behind him as he left the gym.
It was nice to see Alien genuinely enjoy himself for once… but now Sloth had nothing to do, again.
Wait, hadn't he seen a cinema along the way..? Eh, it was better than nothing.
Thankfully he remembered the way back to the cinema, for some reason he couldn't recall where he'd started or where he'd spotted Cletus earlier. Even the way back to the gym was rather hazy.
He didn't really look at what the schedule for the movies was, he just walked in towards the ticket booth and asked the demon for a ticket to whatever film was starting soon.
"That's seventeen souls, darling. But, for a cutie like you I'm sure I could come up with another way for you to pay~" The demoness gave a cheeky grin, subtly pressing her arms together as to emphasize her considerable cleavage.
For his part, Sloth shrugged off the bag slung over his shoulder, counted the soul 'cards' and slid over the required amount.
The demoness stared at the souls for a long moment. "...oh." She slowly handed over the ticket, her eyes unfocused.
The man took the ticket, and walked towards the back of the theater, where he assumed the screens were. Behind him, the demoness was left gazing into the void, muttering to herself as she groped her chest in disbelief.
"...are they too small?"
Finally seated, Sloth took the chance to relax a bit in a properly comfy chair before the film began. He gave another look at the ticket, curious about what film he was going to see…
"Diary of a Big Tiddy Goth GF." He scoffed. "At least Hell has some taste."
The room didn't actually have all that many people inside, though he could see an abundance of souls accompanied by demons, along with a few singular demons… curiously enough, all of them had varied skin tones, ranging from red to blue to grey. Was that normal?
"Is Pandemonica an albino demon?" He wondered, observing the demons in the room closer. Indeed, there were no other demons with a shade as white as Pandemonica. "Wow, we got a shiny."
"Aaaand now they're fucking… again." Sloth groaned as the room was filled with raunchy sounds for the umpteenth time. At least this time the sounds came from the film and not the other spectators, who apparently had tired themselves out after the first half hour.
"You know, I feel like the sex scenes might be more impactful if they weren't so... "
"Frequent?" A husky voice asked from close-by to Sloth.
"Yeah, like don't get me wrong I love shit like that but when it happens like every ten minutes of run-time it kinda loses its appeal." Sloth replied before doing a double-take and realizing he was talking out loud.
Next to him sat a demoness. Another albino, as evidenced by the pale skin, white hair, and red eyes. There were some… heart-like things floating around her, somehow. The symbolic hearts, not the real ones. He hadn't noticed her sitting next to him in the slightest!
"I know exactly what you mean," the demoness sighed. "You can make a good story without it having so much sex, right?"
"Most of the movies that I've watched actually don't have sex as an element at all, and if it is something that appears on screen, nothing explicit is shown."
The demonic lady turned fully towards Sloth, giving him a very clear view of her heart-shaped pupils. "You're joking."
"Nope, that is the truth and nothing but the truth."
"That is so… useless. How are you going to teach children about how sex works if they're not exposed to it?"
"We have sex education classes at school for that purpose?" He asked, partially asking himself that question. He didn't remember having that class, but he did hear about other people going through it.
The demoness leaned away from Sloth in a flash. "You let your children have sex as young as at school age? What kind of deviants are you humans?"
"...the children don't do a thing. It's all theory."
"Oooh." The demoness - he really needed to ask her name - nodded along. "I see. So sex is left as a graduation exam?"
"No… for fuck's sake, having sex is not something that's an official part of the curriculum!" Sloth snapped. He was very thankful that the film was loud enough to mask their conversation.
"Then how do you people get practical experience?"
"That's… kinda left down to the individual."
"...No supervision at all? No safety precautions or anything?"
"I mean, we do have birth control methods-"
"But what if you end up injured?" The demoness interrupted him. "Who cares about pregnancy if one of you gets wounded? That's so irresponsible! Please tell me you didn't have to go through something horrible like that!"
"Uh…" Sloth was left without words. He went to say something, when the demonic woman interrupted him yet again.
"No, no, I don't want to know. I couldn't handle it."
There was a moment of silence between the two, interrupted only by the moans of the film's lead actress. The demoness clearly wanted to give Sloth space to collect his thoughts.
"How should I put this in a way that you can understand…" He began. "Human sex…"
"No!"
"Is more often than not quite tame, nobody gets injured, nobody gets stabbed, some people who like it rough might choke their partner a bit or give some love bites that leave marks, but I assure you at the end of the day it all happens at the consent of everyone participating, everyone is fine and ready to go for more afterwards."
"...what." The demoness squeaked out, seemingly confused out of her mind.
"And after everything is done there's often also plenty of kissing, cuddling and handho-."
If the lighting were better, Sloth could've seen the steam practically coming off the demoness as he kept talking. But he did see the redness of her face.
"You okay, miss?"
"Oh I am perfectly fine, just feel like I could use something to suck on right about now. I need to clear my head." The demoness responded in a huskier tone than usual, chest heaving as she struggled to hold still.
Sloth shrugged, sweeping his arm to show the multitude of men in the room. "Well don't let me stop you, feel free to take your pick. I can survive even without someone to talk to."
"I think you misunderstood me, mister human." The demoness said before leaping out of her seat and jumping into Sloth's lap much to the latter's surprise. "I didn't mean just any old crummy demon's dick."
"Uh, stranger danger!"
"Oh don't worry my dear human, by the time we're done you will know every little inch of me." The demoness licked her lips, leaning in. Her hot breath tickled his face, and her eyes shone red, her white pupils burning with the intensity of a star.
For a moment though, in Sloth's vision, those eyes became green. He could feel his skin tingle, but it wasn't a pleasant feeling anymore. He couldn't breathe anymore. Instinctually, he tried to get away. He was against a wall. A punch went flying before he could realize what he was doing. His fist met the demon's arm, but it felt… softer than he remembered.
Sloth blinked, and the Hell Knight's boarish face was replaced by a young woman's face, slightly tilted away from him and his fist planted straight on her cheek. It didn't last long, as the demoness easily turned her head back to face him, pushing back his fist without batting an eye.
"Didn't you say that humans aren't as rough as demons..?" She asked, confused. "Are you… trying to get into demon sex? Not that I mind, but I was looking forward to this new form… Oh!" She perked up, quite literally as her chest jiggled. "We could try human sex first, and then I could teach you about demon sex! It'll be so much fu-"
"Do you guys have no concept of fucking consent?!" Sloth yelled out in fright as he broke out of his trance.
"Apparently not," came a familiarly deadpan voice from somewhere behind the demoness blocking his view. A shadow came over them, and the girl in Sloth's lap was pulled up into the air.
Now that he could finally see, Sloth spotted Pandemonica holding the other demoness by the scruff of her neck, while Alien and Cletus stood next to her, all with ropes around their midsections tying them all together.
"I am still of the opinion that this is a bit of an overreaction..." Cletus complained with an annoyed pout.
"You lost your right to complain the moment you ran off just like I warned you." Pandemonica gave him a smug grin. Then, she turned back to the demoness in her hand. "And while I'm a bit annoyed that you tried to seduce one of my charges, we could use your help, Modeus."
"Could someone explain what the fuck is going on?" Sloth groaned, massaging his temples to ward off a headache. "And why does my head hurt so fucking much?"
At his words, Pandemonica glared at Modeus. "I'm assuming that she used a bit of Luxuria's particular brand of magic on you. You will be fine, but the aftereffects can be quite annoying for a while." She put down Modeus, giving her a pointed stare. Once she was sure that her peer wasn't going to jump Sloth again, she produced another length of rope.
"Now then, let us find Ralts. He is possibly the one most in danger here."
"...Why did you leave him for last then?" Came Alien's cold voice.
"You were the closer ones."
After some asking around - and liberal amounts of fear-inducing spells courtesy of Pandemonica - the team finally got directions to a hot spring in the middle of the town. There, they found Ralts.
He was surrounded by three demonesses, all incredibly curvy and significantly taller than him. One was letting him use her breasts as a pillow while brushing his hair, another fed him grapes, and the last one bashfully held his hand as they talked.
"I would say I was kinda jelly, but I don't see any muscle girls among them so it's kinda moot."
"You like girls that could kick your arse, Cletus?" Asked Alien. "Sounds legit."
"I thought I'd already made my preferences quite clear at this point in our online discussions."
"...You know that my memory isn't the greatest." Alien sighed.
That was when Ralts finally spotted them. He sat up from his marshmallowy cushion, waving them over with his free hand.
"Yo, did you lads have a fun time as well?" He asked. "C'mon, take a seat. I wanna introduce you guys!"
After sharing some looks - mainly between the men, the ladies seemed intent on staring at the demonesses pandering to the mortal's needs - the group finally walked over, taking a seat on the edge of the pool.
"Was pretty nice, not gonna lie. Got some definition back all-around," Alien said as he pulled up his shirt to show a now-flat belly and flexed his arms a bit.
"I managed to inspire the masses!" Cletus said with an excited pump of his fist.
"...I walked around a lot, got stuck in a cinema while they were playing porn at full volume, and she-" Sloth jerked his thumb at Modeus, whom he'd sat rather far away from "-tried to jump my bones."
Ralts looked at Modeus, and then back at Sloth. "Sounds like you had fun."
"...Without my consent."
"Oh… shit." Ralts grimaced. "You ok dude?"
"They didn't seem to have gotten too far by the time we arrived on the scene." Pandemonica filled in. "Still had all their clothes on at least…"
"Yeah, I'm ok. I'm…" he blinked away the flash of green in his sight. "I'm fine."
"Dude, not gonna lie, you don't sound fine." Cletus went to place a hand on Sloth's shoulder.
With a jerk, Sloth got up and stepped away from the pool. "I'm telling you I'm fine."
"Sorry, but your behavior just kinda indicates otherwise."
"And who made you the team psychologist? Mind your own fucking business." Sloth openly glared at Cletus, the shorter man still trying to pacify him.
Cletus just stared at the man apologetically, holding his hands up.
"Fine, you don't want help, that's your decision." The scruffy Finn said with a heavy sigh, letting his arms drop. "Just don't come crying to me when you start having night terrors because of unaddressed trauma."
The room was filled with a tense silence. They were getting a bit too used to those.
With a light cough, Alien spoke up again. "So, uh… you said you were going to introduce us?" He turned to Ralts, attempting to change the subject.
"Oh, yeah!" Ralts quickly took the chance to defuse the situation. "Well, we got separated and I was wandering alone. These wonderful ladies found me and brought me here, saying that the water could help ease the pain, and it's been working pretty well actually! Everyone, these are-"
In the back of the room, the doors were blown off their hinges, interrupting Ralts. Everyone turned to see a group of burly dog-headed demons rushing in, all of them clad with white kimonos and straw hats. Each of them had a bokken strapped to their side, their hands resting on the handle ready to unsheathe the wooden weapons.
The demon at the front of the group, perhaps the leader as he was wearing a black belt rather than the white ones of the others, stepped up and pulled out a megaphone.
"This is Chief Sen-bonk-azura of the Horny Police! Cease all illegitimate acts this instant, or we will be forced to bring you all in for questioning!" The massive canine demon declared.
The four humans exchanged a glance, unsure of whether they should be laughing or be worried. On the other hand, four of the five demons seemed to have made up their minds.
"Scatter!" Yelled the demoness acting as pillow for Ralts, and the other two followed her advice, running off in a hurry while the first one cradled Ralts to her chest and jumped out of a window.
Modeus grabbed a hold of the two people closest to her - namely Pandemonica and Cletus - and began to drag them away. Alien and Sloth remained sitting, confused out of their minds.
"So…" the 'police' chief began, "they have chosen… bonk."
In a fluid motion, each of the kimono-clad demons unsheathed their bokken, showing off how each had carved into the side "Bonk Stick". They all rushed in different directions, trying to catch the demons and humans.
"Oh come on!" Yelled Alien as the duo ran away from a pair of 'officers'. "My legs are still sore, for fuck's sake!"
"I… I think we lost them…" Modeus huffed, struggling to regain her breath.
"Who were those guys?" Cletus asked, checking his shirt in case it had ripped from Madeus' pulling.
"They are the Horny Police, they monitor Luxuria to prevent any unsanctioned lewd acts from occurring."
"...and what about the dozens of orgies around?"
"Oh, those are completely normal."
"What even counts as unsanctioned for demons? Aren't you guys supposed to be the incarnations of sin?"
"Only the vilest of acts, some of which I'm afraid to even speak out loud." Modeus uttered with a shiver. Then, the latter part of the question settled in.
The two demons in the group blinked, looking at each other in confusion.
"Who… told you that, exactly?" Began Pandemonica, still in the process of fixing her hair after almost getting shoved through a wall during the chase.
"Pop culture for the most part, I've not exactly studied demonology. I only recently found out it was even a thing."
"..." The bespectacled demoness glared at the man. "If we're incarnations of sin, then humanity might as well call itself the origin of sin. Demonkind tends to lead towards what you would call 'evil', but not all of us are vile monsters… racist."
"To be fair I don't believe such a thing as evil exists, to begin with, morality is but a spook of the mind for there are only interests."
"And sin is nothing more than a collection of metaphysical forces generated by specific types of acts, which sticks to a soul to the point where the afterlife rejects them."
"Also, I've never called you guys monsters, that's just you reading too much into things."
"Said the mortal who all but called me a dictator."
"Dictator doesn't translate to monster, it just means 'someone who has absolute power'."
"Uhh… I think you guys lost me?" Came Modeus' quiet complaint.
"It's okay, miss Modeus. This is just us flexing our intellectual muscles on each other." Cletus said with a smirk. "We're not expecting you to understand everything that's being said."
"Definitely a better conversational partner than ninety percent of this circle's inhabitants… for all the good it does to my patience."
"I suppose I'll take that compliment."
"Regardless," began Pandemonica again, "right now we should attempt to reconvene with everyone and then flesh out a proper plan of action-"
"You're saying you didn't have a plan when you brought us here?"
The demoness sighed. "I had a general idea, but I believe you didn't agree with me telling you how to do everything? Therefore, discussion."
Cletus raised his index finger as if to protest before quickly realizing that such an action was pointless. "...You know what, that's a fair point."
"Modeus, do you believe your mother would mind lending us a few rooms for the time being?"
"If she isn't having another house party where she's invited half the town, I suppose so."
"Question. How do we find everyone?"
"Follow the tail." Modeus instantly came up with the solution in a lightbulb moment.
Looking down, Cletus spotted Pandemonica's slender tail shaking, pointing straight up. After a few moments, the tip pointed towards a seemingly random direction.
"Aaaand, our tall idiot is somewhere in that direction." With a self-satisfied grin, Pandemonica began to follow her tail's directions.
As the remaining two followed along, Cletus had to ask. "How does that work, exactly?"
"Demon tails function as a sort of extra-sensory organ." Modeus' brow furrowed, trying to come up with a good explanation. "Say… you know how sharks can feel the changes in an electromagnetic field around them? Sort of like that, but we can pinpoint specific things if we paid attention to how they 'feel' beforehand."
"So it's a form of active sonar?"
"...Yes and no? It isn't stopped by physical matter, at least. I suppose a 'magical sonar' is a good way to call it."
"I see."
"We're getting closer," called Pandemonica as she turned into a side street.
"And why are you tracking down Alien specifically?"
"...Have you noticed that he is the one that gets lost the most?"
"To be fair two times is hardly a precedent, especially when it happened to all of us on the second one."
"Twice in the same day," she grumbled. "That coffee really wasn't worth the trouble."
"Did I hear that right?" Modeus leaned in, until her head was almost resting on the other demoness' shoulder. "One of the humans made coffee for you? And you didn't kill him? Must've been pretty good, huh?"
"Hol' up, she's killed people who've made coffee for her before?!" Cletus shouted, completely flabbergasted.
"Only if it was bad."
"Still kind of an extreme reaction in my mind, would have understood if it was, like, poisoned or something."
Pandemonica turned away from the duo, nose pointed up in the air as she harrumphed. "Making deals with a demon requires appropriate payment. Hell's laws allow for lives or blood to be used to cover the cost if the offerings do not have the same value as the favor requested."
"Not gonna lie, that sounds like a pretty fucked up legal system, by human standards I mean."
"Therein lies the problem, we live in a demonic society."
"Did you just quote Alien's-"
"Here we are!" Pandemonica interrupted Cletus, gleefully ignoring what he was about to say.
In front of them was a squat building, with bars instead of windows. Above the door was a sign.
"...Horny jail? Oh no…" Modeus whispered.
"You guys have a literal horny jail?" Cletus asked with no small amount of confusion. "I thought that whole thing was supposed to be just a dumb meme."
"Well, yeah. Where do you humans keep your criminals if not in jail?" The heart-eyed demoness tilted her head, before gasping. "Don't tell me you returned to killing them! Is that why we've had an influx recently?"
"I mean, there's some places which still use the death penalty around the world but those are getting increasingly rare..."
"Ahem. Not to interrupt this moment you two seem to be having, but we shouldn't idle for too long."
"True enough."
With that, the unlikely trio walked into the building proper… straight through the locked door. Cletus stumbled for a moment as he saw Modeus whip out a sledgehammer out of nowhere and bash the doors in almost faster than he could perceive. The metal door slammed into the back wall, startling the canine demon at the desk into wakefulness.
"What in tarmnamtion!?" The Cheems look-alike yelled in response to the commotion, wildly looking around. He spotted the fallen door first, and then found himself staring at a pair of red eyes.
"Er… Good aftermnoon? How can I helmp you?"
"I have reason to believe," the demoness in front of him began, her voice barely above a whisper, "that you are holding some humans prisoners here. I would like them back."
"If you camn pay the fine for two of them and the bail for the third one, thenm sure."
He could see the demon's eyes begin to glow. "You may not have understood who you are talking to right now. I-"
"Ma'am, if you are tryimng to use mental mamgics on me, we're immumne to it." Or rather, the purity seals plastered all over his body made him immune… not like she needed to know. "Oh, and almso, it's a felomny to try and memntally manipulate an officer. Pleamse stop before I hamve to arremst you as well."
"Say, how about I take over?" Another woman spoke up, lightly pushing away the demoness in front of Cheems. Now that was a demon he recognized.
"Oh, Lamdy Modeus. Wemre those humans your boy-toyms for today? We apomlogize if thamt was the case."
"As much as I wouldn't mind, no. But we would like them back, if you'd please."
"I'm amfraid we canm't simply circumvent the law for you in a case as semrious as this one." Cheems explained with a bow of his head. "Pubmlic decency laws are very important to maintaining order and stabmility in Luxuria. You understamnd this don't you?"
Modeus nodded sullenly. "Yeah, I do. Not the first time someone explained them to me. But this is a fringe case! They weren't aware of our laws, for humans it's the whole opposite from what I understood. Can't you just make an exception?"
"Ignomrance is not justifimcation for breamking the law ma'am. They should have done their research before engaging in such… vile activities. And befomre you try it, unmless you have a written ormder from your mother, nobody will get them out before they've served their time in abstinemnce."
Before the discussion could continue, another door was slammed open, and out stepped a comically oversized canine demon with facial features typical to a Shiba Inu. It looked over to the grouping of one human and the demons, tilting its head in confusion.
"What's all this commotion about, officer Ruff?" The buff dog asked serenely in a deep and authoritative voice that seemed very out of place on a being like it.
"Ah, Lieutenamnt Doge. Do you remember the tip aboumt the illicit activitems at the hot springs? We arremsted as many of the perpetratorms as we could, but now Lady Momdeus and another lady are askimng for their releamse."
The larger demon looked over the crowd, quickly recognizing Pandemonica and bowing in respect much to the confusion of Cheems.
"Uhm, Lieutemnant?" The demon asked, still unsure of what to do.
"We are in the presence of an honorary Devil, officer!" The lieutenant harshly whispered.
Despite it being seemingly physically impossible, Cheems' fur seemed to turn sickly pale in response once he realized what his superior meant.
"A thoumsand apomlogies!" Cheems threw himself to the ground, grovelling at Pandemonica's feet.
"That's right you miserable creature…" Pandemonica grumbled, getting a sense of enjoyment out of the feeling of having the lesser demons groveling at her feet. "Unless you want to be buried under the mountains of paperwork I'll put you through as punishment for wasting my time, you best start begging for mercy right about now."
"Er… this is amusing and all, but do you think we could get my friends out of there anytime soon?"
Pandemonica frowned in response to being denied one of her rare moments of fun, but realizing that he was correct she pulled her foot away before Cheems could start unironically kissing it. She then shooed them away. "Go, bring them here."
The two dogs wasted no time in high-tailing it towards the cells, quickly unlocking them.
Finally reunited, the four humans found themselves a tad perplexed.
"What's the difference between a High Demon and a Devil?" Ralts whispered, looking questioningly at Alien.
For his part, the taller man shrugged. "I dunno, never heard of it. Cletus?"
"All I know is that they're apparently a bigger deal than High Demons, enough so that they can just straight-up circumvent the law."
"Uhm, excuse me, Miss Modeus?"
Everyone turned to see Ralts standing next to the demoness in question, looking up at her.
"Yes, what it is...Ralts, was it?"
"I, uh, yeah, that's me… I was wondering what is the difference between a High Demon and a Devil?"
"Seniority and rank within the hierarchy. Oh, and power I guess, but there's some like Pandemonica who only need the first two." She then leaned down really close, whispering into his ear. "But none of them are any fun. Don't tell Pandy I said that, ok?"
Ralts simply nodded, stiffly walking back to the others.
"Are you ok?" Asked Cletus.
The blonde man nodded slowly.
It didn't take too long after that for the group to begin seeing the change in the environment, the construction material on the buildings became more expensive-looking and exotic, the streets less covered in bodily fluids of all kinds and while the orgies were still happening they seemed more… organized?
"So I'm guessing this is the neighborhood where the fancy folk of Luxuria live?" Cletus commented with his usual curiosity at witnessing new things.
"Yep. And over there-" Modeus pointed at the biggest building around, a massive mansion towering over everything else. "-Is where we're going."
"Whoever built that actually seemed like they had taste." The Finn hummed his approval. "Place looks like it was sculpted singlehandedly by a prodigy of architecture for the sole purpose of flexing at the peasants with their cheap McMansion imitations."
"I mean… I guess she does that sometimes too? Mostly it's just that big because mom wanted a lot of space for her parties."
All the humans, except Cletus, stumbled.
"Your mom?" Alien voiced the question all three were thinking, although he was definitely the most confused.
"Uh-uh. Asmodeus, the Devil who rules over Luxuria."
"Oh, I see…"
In the meantime, Sloth was screaming internally.
"There's two of them?!"
"...And that is how the human species almost went extinct one time."
"As interesting as that is, you're not helping."
"How did you go from complaining about poor quality jars, to history, to politics, to economics, to history again, then to guns, to communism, and now to history yet again?"
"Pre-history actually, history is what's based on both written and archeological evidence, pre is what we know or have theorized to have happened before anything that happened was capable of being recorded."
"That's not..."
Before the discussion could continue further, the dark gates of their prison swung open. In stepped a figure that had become quite familiar to all of them. Each day, like clockwork she would arrive. What was it going to be that time, they wondered? Taunts, false promises, or maybe she was just there to gloat? Regardless, they'd learned not to speak in her presence, lest she actually began to have fun and chose not to leave.
Surprisingly for them, she was quiet. Hell's CEO, the one and only Lucifer, said nothing as she approached the shelf where they were held. She stared at the jars one by one, each filled with the ethereal light distinctive of a soul.
"Had you lot done even a single thing differently, you might not be here now," she began, her voice barely above a murmur. It was as if she was talking to herself more than them. "I have no idea how, but your bodies made their way into Hell."
The revelation brought a small spark of hope for the disembodied souls. But it was quickly crushed by the harsh truth. They were only human. How could they survive Hell's harshness?
"Somehow," Lucifer continued, "you managed to forge a contract with one of my Devils. The weakest of them, sure, but an impressive feat nonetheless. With her help they might actually get here."
A cold smile appeared on the Morning Star's face as she picked up one of the jars, her gaze piercing through it.
"It all comes down to you, you know? You somehow found a way here. You somehow convinced Pandemonica to abandon her post and join you. You are somehow bringing your little mortal friends here."
Small screeches filled the vault as the demoness' nails slowly trailed down the sides of the jar, leaving scratches onto the otherwise unblemished surface.
"I really should've killed you when I had you right in front of me."
Had the souls had bodies, they would've felt a chill run down their spines. For a moment, Lucifer's lithe form was replaced by a massive being, each minuscule movement thrumming with unbelievable power.
Yet, as soon as the being appeared, it was gone as if it had never been there.
The jar wobbled as it fell back onto the shelf, clinking against the others. A sordid chuckle came from Lucifer, who was now clutching her side, hunched over as she trembled.
"Even after two thousand years… the traitor's presence is as powerful as the first day…" She slowly straightened up, locking her eyes on the smallest jar with a manic grin.
"Weakened as I may be, I could still end each and every one of you. I could wait until you arrive, and then turn you all into a fine mist, break every single bone in your body and dance the fucking Macarena on your spines! But I can't!" Wood splintered as her free hand clutched the shelf with too much force. "You have the attention of something greater than you. And if I do anything, then all of Hell might as well kiss its collective ass goodbye!"
The demoness began to pace, her knuckles turning paler than normal as she dug her nails into her palm. She idly wished that her skin could break, at least it would be a distraction from the amount of bullshit she had to deal with.
"I didn't even want this job, for fuck's sake. Father damnit, Mastema!" She buried her face in her hands, a muffled scream coming out.
"No amount of favors is worth covering your place for so long…"
The four souls had never seen Hell's ruler in such a state. Disheveled, in pain, desperate. But most of all, she looked tired, and not the sort of tiredness that some sleep would solve.
"But do not think that you are safe just yet." She straightened up once more, her demeanor returning to its usual regality. Her voice carried weight with it, shaking everything around with a power unknown to any mortal. "By the time you find yourselves, your bodies will have rejected you. You will have nowhere to return to."
"...How does it feel to have your suspicions proven, 'Ralts'? Or would you prefer Scott?"
Lucifer's chilling laughter echoed even through closed doors.
Look at that, an update. In two week's time. Now if I could keep this update schedule for my other fics too, now that would be fucking great.
Regardless, here is chapter 3, sitting prettily at OVER 9000 words. Heh, old meme is old.
Also, for anyone wondering whether we will write outright smut for this fic... not here. Some people want to enjoy a story without smut, while some like it, so Cletus and I decided to keep the smut separate from the main story. I'm unsure of whether we'll just keep it as an extra scene at the end of the chapter, or publish it as an extra story entirely. Feel free to give suggestions on the matter.
A big thanks to Cletus, Ralts, and Sloth for the help with this project.
If you want to talk to us, feel free to join the discord server we're part of!
FF is fucky with links, so you can find the invite in my profile.