Hell in a Crapbasket
Episode 2, Luxuria: level 2
"So, these are the guests from the outside world." Asmodeus, the undisputed ruler of Luxuria, spoke confidently as she circled the group that had stepped into her estate like a hungry predator. "You all look like a nice bunch of snacks that I could just… devour whole." The voluptuous demoness gave a wide grin, showing off her prominent canines. Her hips sashayed from side to side in an almost hypnotic motion.
"Sorry, not really into vore." Cletus and Alien spoke in unison, both of them doing their best to keep their gazes up.
"Mom, please try to keep your pants on." Modeus said with barely hidden embarrassment as she averted her gaze. "...Or what's left of them."
"The plumber that came by was kinda rough, can't be helped." The older demon responded, idly scratching one of her plump cheeks. It was significantly redder than its sibling. "Ruined my favorite set of panties too, shame."
"There was nothing to be fixed! You could've at least waited to have an excuse for a booty call!"
While the mother-daughter duo kept bickering - more of Modeus throwing a fit, really - the humans heard someone from behind them.
"Guys? Did we step into a porn set and I missed the cameras?" Stage-whispered Sloth, trying to keep himself out of sight.
Barely turning his head, Alien whispered back. "...I'm afraid this is all real, dude. I don't know if I should laugh or cry right now."
For their part, everyone witnessing the scene had to agree on some level: it combined the second-hand embarrassment of finding your friend's mom just after she was done fucking, with having to hear her describe everything in vivid detail.
Asmodeus was not exactly what they expected… well, they did expect another horny demon… and one that looked like Modeus, since she was her mother… ok yeah, she was exactly the type of S-tier milf they expected.
"And now to our top story of the day…" Came the faint voice of a man from the open door behind Amodeus. "Unrest has broken out at Luxuria Proper as a result of a labor dispute spurred on by a single yet unidentified agitator, eyewitness reports state that the hooligans participating in the chaos have begun to engage in widespread looting and vandalizing of businesses and private property more generally."
Curiously, the humans and demons went to check out what was going on. On the TV's screen was shown a reel of many streets in the city, surprisingly empty of orgies. Instead, many places were being damaged or blocked off, as demons armed with bats, rocks, signs and… very large dildos, roamed around in groups.
"According to some testimonies, the perpetrators are calling for 'better safety standards', 'a larger share of the fruits of their labor' as well as 'a say in how the workplace is run'. Now, let's move onto our experts and see what they have to say about the situation..."
Another voice chimed in, this one much more gravelly. On the screen appeared a large skeleton-like demon, garbed in a white dress suit and covered in expensive-looking jewelry, including a massive stud smack-dab in the middle of his forehead topped off by an emerald.
"Now, I know that these are troubling times for everyone, but we should look at these 'requests' with a healthy amount of skepticism. The economy and the stock market are soaring, so I for one don't see what these rabble are complaining about. Even getting one soul a month should be more than enough for them. Let me tell you, this is all the delusion of some foolish child, thinking they will change the Underworld. I'm certain that this situation will be resolved as soon as our brave boys in blue move in to restore order."
The screen switched back to the anchorman, a grey-skinned demon with several deep wrinkles on his face. His hands were adorned with several rings, and he wore a monocle.
"Thank you for sharing your opinion with us, Lord Moneybags. In other news, Luxuria's very own Modeus has apparently finally managed to fill the hole in her heart, rather than-" Someone cleared their throat off-screen very loudly. "-ahem, yes. Our sources tell us that this potential secret lover… is a human."
A cliché "Dun-dun-dun" sound effect played.
"Truly, she is an example to us all in the depths of degeneracy she will sink to." The anchor says with barely hidden disdain before putting his trained professional smile back on. "Next up, Javier has the latest in sports. Stay tuned folks."
Nobody would hear what Javier had to say, as the TV was turned off. A loud crack echoed through the room.
Pieces of the remote fell to the ground from Asmodeus' clenched hand. The Devil turned a smoldering gaze towards her daughter, who seemed to shrink away.
"Is it true? Did my little Modeus decide that demons didn't cut it for her anymore, and went to have fun with a human?"
"Mom, I can explain-"
"AND DIDN'T INVITE ME?!"
"...Uh, what?"
"Do you realize how expensive, and difficult, it is to get actual living humans imported to Luxuria? And you managed to get one- no, four, for practically nothing!" She turned to look at the four humans, who were just about getting ready to high-tail it.
"Which one is it? Was he good? How big was he?"
"We… didn't do anything yet?" Modeus uttered, still trying to understand what was happening.
Asmodeus paused, levelling a flat look at her daughter. "You disappoint me, child. Have I taught you nothing over these nineteen centuries?"
"In her defense, we did kinda barge in and break it up?"
Alien felt several glares directed at him.
"...I really need to shut up." He shrunk into himself
"Are we just going to ignore the fact that he…" Pandemonica spoke up, pointing towards Cletus. "Just inspired a riot that is currently tearing apart large portions of Luxuria Proper? A riot which, I might add, may grow large enough to encompass this part of town as well."
Everyone looked at the portly gunman.
"I did say I inspired the masses." Cletus scoffed, crossing his arms. "I will not apologize for doing what I believe is right. If anything, I'm surprised it took my words for something like this to even happen considering the powderkeg that demon society seems to be."
"I assure you, it was quite stable until you arrived." Pandemonica's eyelid twitched. "I can already see the mountains of paperwork…"
"Stable for who-?"
"I mean…" Alien raised a hand, gathering another glare or two. "This isn't Limbo, though? It doesn't fall to you, right?"
The diminutive demoness stood immobile for a long moment. Then she began to shake, and everyone feared the worst. Alien tensed up, getting ready to run.
He wasn't ready for the white-and-black projectile that slammed into him - thank goodness Ralts got off when they walked inside - sending them both tumbling on the ground. Alien found his arms pinned at his sides, unable to move. He braced himself for whatever was coming his way…
He didn't expect it to be laughter.
"You- you're right!" Pandemonica said between bouts of giddy laughter. "It's not my problem! I can actually relax for once!"
That morning, Alien had woken up ready to sneak into hell. He'd expected plenty of things, such as to get hurt, or worse.
...Getting hugged by a demon - a cute one at that - was not one of those things.
But he wasn't going to complain.
A series of clicks snapped the man out of his trance. He craned his neck to look over Pandemonica's shoulder, who was still chuckling as she squeezed the ever-living fuck out of him.
"This one goes in the travel log," Ralts chuckled as he put away his phone. Next to him, Modeus was putting away a polaroid camera.
As this was happening, Asmodeus had been gradually backing Sloth into a corner much to the horror of the latter.
"You're looking like a fine piece of manmeat, baby. How about you and I head to the bathroom so I can show you a good time? Millennia of experience can do wonders, plus-" she grabbed her shirt's neckline, pulling it down even lower than it already was. "-you get to brag that you fucked a Devil~"
"Your daughter already tried to rape me once, I'd rather not." Sloth tried his best to argue but found that his body wasn't responding to his desire to fucking run. All he could do was stare wide-eyed as Asmodeus placed her hands on the wall on either side of his head, slowly leaning in.
Before they could go any further, Sloth was pulled out of her grip. Slung over Modeus' shoulder, he could only lay limp as she ran off with him.
"Modeus, come back here right this instant!"
"Sorry, but I have first dibs!"
Asmodeus gave chase, leaving three humans and a demoness in the living room. Cletus and Ralts exchanged a look.
"Think we should stop them?" Asked Ralts.
"Nah, let them tire themselves out." Cletus shrugged. "In the meantime-" he turned to Alien and Pandemonica, who were still on the floor. "-we'll give you some privacy. See you later."
For his part, Alien was still being sandwiched between the hard floor and Pandemonica's soft body. He didn't mind one bit.
"I think we finally lost her." Modeus said, breathing heavily both from excitement and fatigue.
"...Please put me down now, I can't feel my legs anymore."
"Oh, of course. I apologize."
"Yeah, sure." Sloth took a couple of steps, trying to get feeling back into his legs. "Also, what was that about dibs?"
"Oh, that was just me proclaiming you as off-limits for my mom."
"I feel like there's more to that..." He narrowed his eyes at her, hands twitching as he prepared to defend himself.
Modeus fidgeted around, looking down at the ground. "...I may have kinda-sorta caused a chain of events that make it so that we're magically bound to have sex before either of us can do it with anyone else? The punishment for breaking the pact is the disintegration of one's…" The demoness pointed towards her crotch for emphasis.
"Oh… Oh god, oh fuck…" Sloth muttered, burying his face into the palms of his hands. "Why THE FUCK did you do that?" He screamed at Modeus.
"I- I promise we can do things the way you want, no rush or anything." She went to touch him, but he slapped her hand away. It didn't hurt, but the feeling was there.
"Don't touch me." Sloth openly glared at her. "I'd rather become a goddamn eunuch than have sex with you."
That seemed to strike a particularly bad chord with the demoness, who physically flinched from his words. Her hair covered her eyes, and she began to tremble. It turned into full-on sobbing as tears began to run freely down her cheeks.
Without another word, the young demoness turned and ran away. Her sobs echoed through Sloth's mind long after her steps faded out.
Despite his feelings of disgust at being touched by her, he still thought back to his words.
"...Goddammit, Sloth." The man sighed.
He entertained the thought of following her… but in the end picked another direction entirely. Even if he did somehow catch up, would he really take back what he said?
...Probably not.
It took another few hours (and more than a few rejected invitations to join her in bed from Asmodeus' part) for everyone to get settled in.
Silence had fallen over the palace as most of its denizens had gone off to dreamland.
Ralts was one of those few exceptions, unable to sleep on an empty stomach. He had left his room in search of food, attempting to navigate the veritable maze that the mansion's halls were.
He was about to round another corner, hoping that he wouldn't end up in front of his room again, when a voice made him falter.
"...Lady Lucifer… mortals… orders…"
Well, that sounded important. Normally Ralts wasn't the type to eavesdrop, but if it had to do with them...
He hazarded a peek. Pandemonica and Modeus were there, having a rather animated - albeit hushed - discussion. Straining his ears, he managed to pick up on parts of the conversation.
"...can't do this on my own."
"Well, I suppose I could try, but it looked like you were handling it pretty well."
"It doesn't change the fact that I loathe every single moment I have to spend in their vicinity."
That didn't sound very nice. But then again, she was a demon. They weren't known for being nice.
"If you say so… regardless, it's not like I have a choice but to help you."
"Yes, the binding, of course. That was incredibly careless of you, Modeus, I expected better. Why would you even want to copulate with a human?"
"I… I'm wondering about that myself. I guess it was a sort of heat of the moment decision…"
"If proof of this gets out, your reputation will be in shambles… more than it already is."
"Let the haters keep hating, I've made my decision. All I can do at this point is see how it goes going forward."
The older demoness sighed. "I suppose that as a High Demon you wouldn't really care. But one day you will inherit your mother's title. What then? What will you do when nobody will respect your authority? Human-demon relationships of any kind are practically a crime, and you know that."
"Well, I don't give a fuck. We'll just change the law then, anyone who doesn't like that can go eat a dick."
"The worst part is that you could probably make it happen… Lady Lucifer herself might agree if it meant getting results. Heaven, she pretty much did already." Pandemonica's eyes widened so much that they might've popped out of her skull. "Baphomet's hairy cunt, she did."
"Wait, what?" Modeus voiced Ralts' thoughts.
"...Part of her orders was to seduce them if we- if I had to."
Never had Ralts seen Pandemonica look so dead inside. It was… as if someone had told her that the world's entire supply of coffee was depleted.
"Oh, so that's why you wanted advice. Yeah, I..." Modeus hesitated for a moment, visibly wilting. "...I can try." She finished, patting the older demon on the shoulder reassuringly.
Pandemonica apparently had been so stuck in her mind that she paid no attention to Modeus' uncharacteristic meekness. "Yes… you do that. I think I need to reconsider the choices that brought me to such lows."
Pandemonica went to turn away and leave, but Modeus stopped her, placing herself directly in front of her.
"Now you're just taking it too far. It's not that big of a deal, and you know that. You've spent more time with them than I have, and even I can tell that they're not that bad… sort of. Maybe."
Pandemonium buried her face in her hands with a sigh. "You don't understand, I've spent centuries under the belief that humans are dumb animals good for nothing more than the simplest forms of labor. And now my boss is literally telling me to go and let them… how did she put it… 'run a train' on me. Do you realize how drastic of a change that is for me? To be reduced from the position of Hell's most respected administrator to… to a mere piece of meat she can throw at a pack of hungry animals?"
At the end of Pandemonica's tirade, Modeus was left staring at her wide-eyed. "...Huh. Gotta make a note of that one." She shook her head. "Anyways, it looked to me like you didn't really believe that by the time you got here."
"Eh?"
Modeus fished out of her pocket something, and showed it to Pandemonica. The reaction was instant, the older demoness' face growing red as she stared at the picture.
"I- wha- when…" Pandemonica lost herself in a stream of incoherent babbling.
"When you were told you had no responsibilities anymore? Don't you remember?" Modeus tilted her head questioningly.
"That- that means nothing! I was too caught up in the moment and didn't think about what I was doing!"
Even though Modeus had her back turned to Ralts, he could hear the skepticism in her voice. "It means nothing, huh? Is that why you have a lock on his aura? And why you went to get him first when your group was separated?"
"How did you-"
"He told me. Also, I'm sure you noticed the way he looks at you."
Well, Ralts didn't know that earlier. But maybe it was about time he left.
His stomach agreed with him, as it gave a loud rumble. Thankfully, it was covered up by Pandemonica's outburst.
"I said it before, they were just the closest to me at that time, that's why I went with that order!"
"Right… so you wouldn't mind if I, say, convinced him to have a little fun with me, would you?"
"No… of course… not." Pandemonica uttered, not sounding very convincing. "But what about the binding?"
Modeus waved her off. "You let me deal with that~ But how about we both sleep on it? Make sure we're certain about this, ok?"
"Yes, that may for the best."
"Come on, let me walk you to your room." Modeus slung her arm over the shorter demoness' shoulders.
"I can find my own way there, thanks." Pandemonica said nervously as she wrestled herself free and speed-walked away.
"Ok then." Modeus shrugged. "You never know, this place is pretty big. I tend to get lost on my way from my bedroom to the kitchen sometimes~" She turned towards where Ralts was hiding, locking eyes with him and giving him a wink.
"Hmm… I suppose I could go for some water right about now…" She mused out loud, as she slowly walked away.
Ralts followed, once he was sure that nobody else was in sight.
Morning came eventually, even if there was no sun to signal its arrival, the natural internal clock that all humans forcing the infernal mansion's four mortal habitants to wake up one by one from where they had fallen asleep.
"When the MILF demon said that her bed would be the softest surface to sleep on, I didn't imagine it would be the only one." Cletus complained as he massaged his back, which had become quite stiff as a result of sleeping on the living room's rock-hard couch.
"Y'know, sleeping against the wall isn't actually too awful. Wouldn't recommend it, but it's an option."
Cletus turned to Alien with a deadpan stare.
"My posture is already closer to that of an anthropomorphic rat than a healthy human's, I don't need to ruin it further."
The taller man shrugged in silence. The duo continued on, attempting to navigate the labyrinthine halls in hopes of somehow stumbling upon the kitchen.
After nearly twenty minutes of backtracking - courtesy of Alien's terrible sense of direction - they found the main entrance. From there, it was much easier to locate the kitchen.
"Mm… I smell bacon." Cletus mumbled in a pleased tone as he began actively sniffing the air.
Alien perked up. "Bacon?" Without waiting for an answer he ran off, trusting his nose to show him the way, Cletus hot on his heels.
They rounded the last corner, and found the kitchen's doors. Alien opened them without missing a beat, ready to storm inside and claim as many pieces of bacon as he could hold. Then he stopped, causing Cletus to smack into him. Confused, the man pushed his way past Alien to see what the issue was.
"If this was an anime I would probably be having the mother of all nosebleeds right now," he muttered.
In front of the stove stood Asmodeus, calmly grilling a few more pieces of bacon. Her hair was tied in a bun behind her head, and she wore an extremely frilly red apron.
… And only the apron.
"Lord knows I'd smash."
"Lord ain't here, bro. He'll never know."
"It's just a saying." Cletus replied with annoyance. "Also, nitpicking language is my job."
"Oh hello, boys~." Asmodeus said in a husky tone out of the blue as she glanced behind herself and saw the duo. "Breakfast's almost ready, feel free to… indulge in what's already available."
"Is your booty included among those?" Cletus' mouth spilled out before his brain could catch on to what was happening. "Because I'd eat it."
"Oh you little rascal~" The incredibly curvy demoness shook her derriere a bit. "Feel free and enjoy it to your heart's content-"
"Nope!"
Cletus and Asmodeus turned to Alien with confusion.
"Nope. Nope. Nope. Not dealing with this today." In a flurry, he grabbed a plate, piled up as much bacon as he could on it, and rushed out of the door, slamming it behind him.
They could still hear some muffled 'nope's coming from the corridor.
"Well… that was something." Cletus said as he was briefly able to take his gaze off the demoness to stare at the door that was just slammed shut.
"Don't let your friend get you down." Asmodeus said as she walked up to the short mortal, grabbing gently onto his cheek to turn his gaze back towards her. "The offer still stands."
The hungry gaze on the MILF demoness was all the encouragement that the pudgy Finn needed.
"Well, guess I'm officially forfeiting my chances at wizardom."
"Then how about being my warlock instead~?"
"I can work with that." Was the only thing he managed to respond with before his face was forcefully buried between soft mounds of demon flesh.
Pandemonica released a long, drawn-out yawn as she rose up from the embrace of her sheets.
"I had almost forgotten how good the beds in Luxuria were, their craftspeople really know their stuff." She mumbled to herself as she began to switch out of her nightgown.
She could vaguely recall something important, but she couldn't place her finger on it. Something about… coffee? No, wait. Someone was supposed to make her coffee. That was weird, usually she had to buy it.
A crash came from outside, along with a voice.
"Oh, for fuck's sake!"
That was enough to jog her memory.
She quickly finished changing, and headed out to see what the issue was. Down the corridor was one of the four humans who'd turned her life upside down within a day, currently running away from something.
One second later, Modeus rounded the corner, chasing after Sloth.
Yeah, that made sense… ok, no, it didn't.
Just as the two made to run past her she snatched their collars, forcing them to stumble back.
"Care to explain why the two of you are running around at…" She turned to look at a nearby clock. "Eight forty-five in the morning?"
Neither of them answered, both looking away.
After another moment, Pandemonica let them go with a scoff. "Bah, what do I care? It's not like I have responsibilities anymore."
"What about the whole 'getting us to Lucifer and making sure we don't die' bit?"
"We have time."
With that, she went off to try and find the kitchen.
"Might as well drag Alien out of bed, he owes me that 'morning coffee' still. It better be the best damn coffee I've ever tasted."
She hadn't noticed that a second set of steps had joined hers, until a familiarly husky voice whispered in her ear.
"Where are you going?"
"Kitchen," she muttered, without missing a beat.
"You… don't want to go there."
Pandemonica turned to look at Modeus, who was actually looking a little paler than usual.
"...Elaborate?"
"Well, uh… I think mom got a headstart on our plan."
A moment passed, Pandemonica's brows furrowing as she tried to understand what- oh.
"Like mother, like daughter…" She muttered with a mix of surprise and… something else she couldn't quite figure out. She turned to her fellow demon "Do you know who she's… er, 'entertaining'?"
"Uh…" Modeus hesitated as she began to use her tail once more. "It's not the tall one… I think?"
Almost instantly Pandemonica found herself sighing in relief, before freezing once her brain caught up. "What do you mean 'you think'?"
Modeus shrugged. "They all feel kinda the same to me."
She couldn't really disagree, their auras were astonishingly similar, and coupled with how they barely even registered to their senses, it made sense that she couldn't distinguish them. Pandemonica only knew where Alien- her possession was because she left that tracker on him.
"Still, it couldn't be Sloth, since we saw him, and Ralts is still in my room, so-"
"Your room?" Pandemonica glanced at the younger demoness from the corner of her eye. "I'll say, you work fast. Did you already get rid of..."
"Nah. I found him wandering around like a lost puppy and let him stay."
"I see…" Her attention was diverted from their discussion as she felt a human aura - mixed with her own magic - grow closer. And it wasn't in the kitchen, thankfully.
The two demons looked out of a window to see Alien sitting on the front porch, with a plate in his lap filled with enough bacon to feed multiple people.
...Well, she supposed that she could wait a bit for her coffee. She'd rather not traumatize herself that early in the morning. It's not like they would be in there for much longer, right?
A few hours had already gone by as the trio sat waiting outside, Pandemonica had already started showing symptoms of caffeine withdrawal a while ago and they were being displayed most prominently in her mood getting increasingly more irritated.
"Still going on?"
"Yep. Mom can get… carried away pretty easily."
The greasy plate laid discarded in the grass, its contents long-gone, shared by the man and two demons waiting around in the garden.
"How in the fuck is he still… hol' up. Modeus, question for ya."
The demoness turned to look at Alien, who was currently lounging on the grass. "Shoot."
"When we got separated - before we met you, I mean - I met some other demons that used some kind of magic to keep healing my muscles. Does that also work for-"
"Yeah, it's actually pretty easy. Want me to… give you a personal demonstration?"
A snap filled the garden as Pandemonica's fingers clenched hard enough to crush the bark of the tree she was leaning against. The duo looked over at the stone-faced demoness, one with a knowing grin and the other with a panicked gaze.
"Please have a bit more patience, ok? You'll get your coffee soon, I promise. I'll even make it extra strong." He then turned to Modeus. "You didn't let me finish. Also, I'm good thanks anyways."
"Oh come on, you're already in position-"
"You get on me and I'm punting you into the next town over."
Pandemonica could feel her fingers relax just a little.
"...For all that human sex is so different from demon sex, you seem to be a master of pillow talk."
"Just… don't."
From their position, neither could see Pandemonica's smug grin.
Within the mansion, a certain sweater-clad man kept roaming the halls, his stomach growling with impatience. He cursed his own short-sightedness at not choosing to follow the demons. Of course they would've known where the kitchen was… Though on the other hand, that meant being around Modeus.
He had some terribly mixed feelings about the demoness. He was afraid of her ever since she triggered that… vision, or whatever it was. A flashback, maybe. He was livid about the binding she'd put on them.
...He felt guilty about making her run off crying like that.
After seeing how her own mother acted, Sloth had to admit that she was much worse than her daughter. In comparison, Modeus was… almost bearable. And she looked really young too, was she even an adult by demon standards?
Wait, was he the asshole here?
"I mean, she did try to fucking rape me," a part of his mind supplied.
"And she probably learned from her mother. She might not know any better," another part argued.
"Children are not clones of their parents, she had every chance to educate herself."
"Down here? Where everyone thinks like that?"
"It's not an excuse! I even told her how it worked for humans, I tried to tell her to stop and she didn't listen!"
"But-"
"Hey Sloth."
The man turned, finding Ralts walking out of a door next to him. Wait, wasn't Ralts' room on the side of the mansion opposite to the kitchen..?
"Uh, hey." Sloth tried to retrace his steps. "So, if your room is here, that means that the kitchen should be downstairs, two corridors to the left, then… wait, I didn't go up the stairs. Did I?"
"This isn't my room, dude."
Sloth blinked. "Then why were you in there?"
"I bunked with Modeus."
"What."
"We talked. Mainly about you." Sloth almost missed the slight edge in Ralts' gaze as the shorter man walked past him. Admittedly, Sloth didn't know Ralts that well, but it seemed a bit out of character for him.
"About… me?"
"Yeah. A lot. Non-stop. Almost until morning, in fact."
"Uh…" Sloth wasn't sure if he wanted to know, but a part of him drove him to ask regardless. "What exactly did she say?"
"Long story, but the short of it? Both of you fucked up. Big time."
Sloth bowed his head. "I mean, I guess I was a little harsh, but-"
"A little? She started bawling within the first five minutes! And didn't stop!"
"...Fuck."
"I get you're pissed, but we're supposed to be adults. Hell, I would accept that kind of shit from Alien, he's barely an adult, but you?"
Alien? The massive lad was barely an adult? That didn't sound right.
"Wait, how old is Alien?"
"Nineteen. About Modeus' age, in demon years."
Sloth ground to a stop, staring straight ahead with unfocused eyes. Ralts took notice of that, stopping as well.
"That…" His eyes regained focus, glaring at Ralts. "That doesn't excuse what she did."
Ralts shook his head. "Of course not. That's why I said that you both fucked up. But she was trying to take the first step to make amends. And you ran off."
Sloth stood ramrod.
"Like a coward."
That was the final nail in the coffin. Sloth leaned against a wall, letting himself slide down until he was sitting on the floor. He curled up, silent as a tomb.
He didn't react when Ralts sat next to him.
"You're absolutely sure they're done, yeah?"
"For the third time, yes."
"So we won't see anything weird if we go in, right?"
"That I can't guarantee, things get messy when mom is involved."
"I just hope we won't have to clean up any red smears off the walls." Pandemonica cut in, pushing her way to the door and opening it.
The sight that greeted them was… a mixed bag. On the one hand, nobody was dead and the kitchen seemed clean enough. On the other, Asmodeus and Cletus were sitting at the table, talking as if nothing had happened. On the third hand, they were naked.
"Wow, how did you guys manage to keep it all so… tidy? I was expecting there to be fluids everywhere?" Modeus said as she looked around the room curiously.
"That's because all of it is inside me." Asmodeus said nonchalantly. "You know mama likes herself a good 'ol pie every now and then."
"I am not taking any responsibility." Cletus said in a tone that indicated absolute exhaustion.
"And I'm not expecting you to, cutiepie~" The older demon said while pinching his cheek playfully. "Now eat your porridge before it gets cold."
"I did not need that mental image." Alien turned to the pantry, pulling out a bag of coffee and looking it over while muttering to himself 'nope'. "Also, instant coffee? Really? You rule an entire circle of Hell and you buy instant coffee?"
"It's alright, and I don't drink it that often anyways-"
"Alright? Alright? It smells like burned plastic!" Without waiting for an answer, Alien put the bag back in the pantry and left the kitchen. "Imma show you what real coffee is like."
A long moment of silence filled the kitchen, everyone staring in confusion at the door.
"Seems like we've found your dream man." Modeus elbowed Pandemonica's side.
"Shut up, he makes my coffee, nothing more!"
"Sure, sure. Keep telling yourself that. Don't think I didn't see how you acted in the garden."
"Oh to be young again…" Asmodeus commented from the side with nostalgia. "At least someone helped me feel like that for a little while."
The way she glanced at Cletus made it obvious to everyone who she meant.
A short while later, Ralts and Sloth had joined everyone in the kitchen - after a moment of confusion at seeing the naked duo - and Alien took the liberty to make coffee for everyone.
"I didn't ask for this." Cletus complained as he looked at the cup of steaming blackness in front of him.
"And I never asked. Hush and try it."
"I know what coffee tastes like, my answer is still no."
Before their argument could continue, Cletus' cup disappeared from under his nose. The duo turned to Pandemonica, who was sitting next to a pile of seven empty cups. The demoness spared them a glance.
"I hope you will keep up this quality from now on… you wouldn't want to disappoint me, now would you?"
"I work better with positive reinforcement," Alien replied without missing a beat.
Pandemonica tilted her head a bit. "What now?"
"You… do know the difference between positive and negative reinforcement, yeah?"
"Does it have to do with electricity?"
Alien let out a small sigh, while Ralts snickered from the side.
"...Not really. To put it simply, negative is when you punish someone for doing something wrong, while positive is when you reward someone for doing a good thing."
Pandemonica's confusion seemed to deepen. "That's a thing with you humans?"
"Works with most living beings actually," Cletus interjected, thankfully having put on his boxers at this point for everyone else's sake. "We train our own pets that way for example."
Modeus, who was sitting next to Pandemonica, leaned towards her. "Well, how about you go and 'reward your pet'?" She whispered.
"H-How?"
"Try headpats," came Ralts' advice.
All the demons in the room did a double-take.
"That's- That is too inappropriate!"
Ralts simply pulled out his phone, showing a picture of Pandemonica hugging Alien. "I think you're well past that already."
A very smug smile appeared on Modeus' face. "That's right, Pandy. At this point a little pat is nothing, right? You can handle that, right?"
Pandemonica looked very alarmed. "Whose side are you on?"
"My own."
"Oh well." Alien began to pick up the mugs. "It's fine if you won't, really. Though I don't know if I'll be able to keep working at my maximum without something to look forward to~"
"Fine, I'll do it!" Pandemonica abruptly jumped out of her seat and marched towards Alien.
"Kinky~" Asmodeus commented as she watched the stuck-up demoness stop in front of the man.
With a deep breath, Pandemonica raised her hand towards Alien's head… stopping short by a few inches.
She strained herself, even hopping up and down a bit. "Nnghh… you're too tall you damn brute!"
Alien looked down at the tiny demoness trying to touch his head. For a moment, if he ignored the fact that she could probably erase his existence without even trying, she looked…
"...Adorable."
"I would have said pathetic, but that works too I suppose." Cletus commented with a mouthful of porridge.
"Wha- How dare you! I am a Devil! My power is immense, unimaginable by the likes of you! You-"
"Honorary Devil. You're not on my level, kid~" Asmodeus taunted the diminutive demoness.
Pandemonica clammed up, shaking in rage. Without a warning, she felt her feet leave the ground while two large hands wrapped around her midsection. She immediately turned around to glare at Alien.
"Put me down. Now."
The man made a show of mulling it over for a moment. "Hmm… not until I get my headpats."
"...I should've just erased you when we met."
"But 'cha didn't!" Alien grinned easily, as if he hadn't just been threatened.
"Also, you would have been erased by Doomguy in return, so nobody would win in that scenario."
"Does it look like I'm winning right now?" Pandemonica screeched at Cletus. "I'm being ridiculed by your oversized friend over here!"
"I didn't say you were, also I don't think he's trying to."
Pandemonica turned towards Alien in confusion. For his part, the man shrugged without a care.
"What can I say, I like cute things."
Modeus was staring at the scene with wide eyes, scribbling stuff into a notepad she pulled out from… somewhere. Ralts hazarded a peek.
-Try to be cute?
-Let him approach first?
-Offer headpats?
The list continued, with multiple ideas being written down at record speed. Was… was she taking notes for the situation with Sloth, or to seduce Alien? He had no idea.
...Why did it irk him so much?
He almost missed when Pandemonica finally gave in, a defeated look in her eyes as she placed her gloved hand on top of Alien's head and gently rubbed it. He immediately snapped a picture of it, for the cringe compilation.
Alien's smile in that picture seemed more genuine than usual.
"Y'all be back for supper, alright?" Asmodeus said as she gave Cletus a sloppy kiss on the cheek.
"We- we'll certainly try to." The man responded enthusiastically.
"I'll be waiting~"
"C'mon loverboy, we've got a city to burn!" Alien yelled over his shoulder.
"I don't think it needs help with that, seems like it's burning down just fine without us. Also, you have no right to complain Mr. 'handheld waifu'."
"What is a 'waifu'?" Pandemonica asked.
"Nothing important," Alien answered quickly before Cletus could begin talking.
"Oh that's quite simple-" A hand found itself firmly placed onto his mouth.
"Not. Another. Word."
Cletus raised a finger as if he were going to argue against that statement.
"I will yeet you headfirst into the fire. Don't try me." He removed his hand after having made his point.
"You are resorting to violence quite easily. Why, do you fear me because I might say something controversial?"
"Cletus, you are the definition of controversial. Look at what happened here after you were left alone for what, an hour?"
"I take no responsibility for lighting a powderkeg that was surrounded by a burning warehouse."
"What does 'yeet' mean?" Modeus asked. "Is it a sexual thing?"
"...No. It just means 'throw with all your strength'."
The demoness looked between Alien, Cletus, and the nearest burning building. "Yeah, I think you could manage that."
The city was surprisingly quiet, the only sounds being the roaring of the flames and the eventual building collapsing. Where was everyone?
"Do you guys think that this place will recover? This is… pretty extensive damage." Alien sounded much more subdued than normal. A bit… melancholic, even.
"Depends, if the underlying reasons for the unrest are not addressed, history will merely repeat itself until society's built-in contradictions will cause it to destroy itself or it comes up with a new solution."
"I see. So, since we're not here to fix this-" Alien gestured around to the chaos "-what are we here for? There isn't much for us here."
"I need new armaments, and so does Ralts."
"And I'm certain we can find some things for you and Sloth as well," Modeus piped up. "I know this city inside and out, so I think I know where to go. Oh!" She snapped her fingers. "How about we split up?"
"Considering what happened last time these mouthbreathers were allowed to wander off on their own, I'd rather not." Pandemonica said with an annoyed groan.
"I meant in two groups. You with one and me with the other. You know I can handle it. And it'll be faster."
Pandemonica hesitated for a moment, but in the end resisted the urge to argue. "I suppose we don't have much of a choice, we'll indeed move too slow if we all travel together so that is an acceptable middle ground."
Thus, Pandemonica went with Sloth and Alien, while Modeus accompanied Cletus and Ralts.
"It's been a while since I went shopping here last time, the scenery has changed quite a bit."
"You don't say…" Cletus muttered, glancing around to the devastation surrounding them.
Shards of glass littered the ground and covered piles of furniture and burning wreckage such as cars lying on the road. The pavement was missing several bricks, most of them having been thrown around either into windows or to other people, as evidenced by the bloodstains on them. Several people were lying around in various states of unconsciousness, injury, and in some cases outright death.
"Is that what we're looking for?" Ralts asked as he stepped over the motionless body of a Horny Police officer, pointing towards a building at the end of the street.
The doors were obliterated, and so were the windows. A pair of demons was handing out guns and ammo to a small crowd outside the shop, who then gradually scattered off in different directions either individually or in small groups.
"These guys have the right idea." Cletus commented as he watched more people crowd around the gun store once the previous ones left the scene.
"Perhaps, but if we don't hurry then there might be nothing left for you."
"Good point, let's see if they still have something good."
The trio began to approach the crowd, and soon they got close enough to hear what was being yelled on the megaphone by one of the people handling the distribution.
"Arm yourselves brothers and sisters! A gun in every hand guarantees our victory over the establishment!"
"Look, it's the Messiah!" One of the demons in the crowd yelled as they turned to look towards the group.
"I wonder who they're talking about." Cletus said as he tried to make his way through the crowd, only to soon find himself surrounded on all sides.
"I'm pretty sure it's you, Mr. 'inspire the masses'." Ralts pointed out the obvious.
"Messiah is not the term I'd use honestly, has too many religious connotations and other idealist baggage attached to it. I was trying to be more of an agitator."
"I mean, this is Hell. Doesn't get more religious than that."
"Is Doom a game about religion?"
"Why yes, about the holy art of beating the shit out of... your enemy." Ralts warily looked around at the demons encircling them.
"Umm…" Modeus, who was having a hard time keeping up with the duo due to the crowd creating a wedge between them, yelped as she felt something grasp her hand. She got pulled through the mass of interlopers, right next to Ralts who was still holding onto her… and looking at anything but Modeus.
"Hail to you Messiah! Are you here to join us in our noble cause?" One of the demons handing out guns said as he leaned down from the crate he stood on top of.
"Me and my friend are in need of… specific sorts of weaponry to umm…" Cletus pondered for a moment on how to phrase his next words. "...Spread the cause to the other layers."
"A most worthy goal! We shall help in any way we can!" The demon announced as a path was cleared for the trio. "Please, pick anything you wish from the stock."
"Much appreciated."
As they walked through, the group could hear a few mutters coming from the crowd.
"Isn't that Modeus?"
"Yeah… Wait, is she… holding hands with that human?"
"What? Oh Lucifer, she is! The rumors are true!"
"Shouldn't we do something about it? Is this the kind of demon we want to lead us in the future?"
As the crowd gradually grew more agitated, Cletus and Ralts both realized that things would end badly if nobody moved in to de-escalate.
"You need to speak up for yourself." Cletus hurriedly said to Modeus. "Otherwise we're gonna get lynched."
"W-what? But I don't know how to speak!"
"Just say what comes to mind, speak from the heart and all that."
"...Alright."
Cletus motioned for the megaphone to be handed over, which the demon currently in possession of it did reluctantly.
"The stage is yours, we believe in you." He tried his best to encourage Modeus who rose up to the makeshift podium, now with the megaphone in hand.
There was a moment of silence as Modeus nervously tried to think up of something to say while the anxious crowd listened to how the accused would defend herself.
"Uh, hi." She started off. A couple of murmured greetings came from the crowd. "I think most of you know who I am, but for those who are still unsure, I am indeed Modeus, daughter of Asmodeus, the supervisor of Luxuria."
"Get to the point!" Yelled someone from the back.
"Yeah!" Someone else agreed.
"Fine then. Yeah, I was, and still am, holding this human's hand. But I want to address the rumor about me having a human boyfriend: it's bullshit. I just… made a mistake and accidentally invoked a binding."
There was a collective gasp from within the crowd, the murmuring increased in volume as well.
"Degenerate!" A voice yelled from the back once more, followed by others that hurled various kinds of colorful insults at the demoness who was beginning to shake with anger. Thankfully nothing was flying yet but both of the humans began to worry it might just escalate to that if Modeus didn't choose her next words carefully.
"I know!" The crowd's noise lessened a bit. "I know it was stupid of me, and all of you are definitely disgusted: humans are just dumb animals, right? Useless in every way, right?"
A general affirmative response came from the crowd.
"Well you're wrong! They are people just like us!" She yelled, subtly holding Ralts' hand tighter.
The crowd was stunned into silence, and Modeus capitalized on it.
"In your hypocrisy, you do not even see that it was a human who inspired all of you to come out here and… do what you did! I have a question for you all! How many of you have met a human before today?"
A handful of hands rose up.
"And how many of you actually tried to talk to them?"
All hands went down.
"But aren't humans just dumb brutes, what use is there in talking to them?"
Modeus used her free hand to massage her eyes in annoyance. "Haven't you listened to a single word I said until now? No, they're not! Humans might have a… different set of morals, a different perspective, but for the most part, they mean well! They can be loyal, they can be intelligent-" She glanced at Cletus who gave a thumbs up in response "-and they can be understanding to an absurd degree!" She squeezed Ralts' hand again, making the man fidget.
"But stuff like holding hands is still… indecent! Think of the children!"
"And where are they? Holing up somewhere safe, I'd assume, since I know I wouldn't let any children roam around while you maniacs are running around destroying the city!"
"You know that's actually a good point." A lone voice from within the crowd said, receiving a murmur of agreements.
"Thank you!" Modeus yelled at the hidden demon.
It was at this moment that Cletus decided to tap Modeus to get her attention.
"May I borrow the podium for a moment?"
She easily stepped back, leaving him the 'stage'.
"It's the Messiah!"
"The Messiah speaks!"
"Okay, first of all. Please stop calling me that." Cletus spoke into the megaphone in an annoyed manner. "Secondly, what Modeus here has spoken so far is all true. We humans are not so different from you-"
"But what should we call you then?!"
"I don't fucking know, just something a little more grounded maybe?" Cletus quickly responded. "Anyway, as I was about to say. If you want to build something new to replace the old, the old must be destroyed."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, that if you want to have a new society where you are free to determine your own destiny and not have it be dictated by some fucker up in a metaphorical ivory tower, you need to destroy the old world in its entirety, not just in the sense that you destroy its physical representations but also its reactionary value systems."
"What?"
"Okay, let me put this in layman's terms: get the massive log out of your collective asses regarding stuff such as handholding. To humans, it's just a normal sign of affection alongside things like cuddling and kissing, there is nothing degenerate about it except what people assign to it."
"Does that mean that they are a thing?"
"Who is asking this stuff?" Ralts blurted out, redder than Modeus' eyes.
"If they are, why do you care? Really, how does that affect you?"
"It… doesn't, I guess?"
"There you go, there's your answer." Cletus said, fighting against the urge to drop the mic. "Oh yeah, and one more thing before me and my friends go on our merry way."
The crowd waited with bated breath, hanging onto the man's every word.
"You guys should probably direct your efforts a bit better by actually organizing around something instead of just going around as a disorganized mob that only destroys and which can be easily scattered. All of you need to be prepared to actually build a new society when the ashes settle instead of waiting for someone to come and build it for you... Peace out."
With that, he finally dropped the megaphone and the crowd exploded into applause.
"You can be really scary, you know that?" Ralts commented to his friend as the latter stepped down from the podium. "Did you actually mean what you said?"
"I should have probably gone into more detail, but we're on a timetable." Cletus muttered to himself. "Hopefully they don't take what I said the wrong way."
"I'm assuming you didn't then." Ralts said with a sigh as the trio finally stepped into the gun store proper to do what they came to do in the first place.
With the other team, instead, they were still debating what they should get.
"Dude, you can't keep being a stick! You need to put some actual muscle on!"
"And become a meathead like you? C'mon, be realistic."
"While I do have to agree that a bulky build would not fit the more nimble fighting style you seem to favor, Alien does have a point. You are far too frail." Pandemonica provided her own two cents to the conversation.
"Score one for Alien~" The man gloated.
"I am not doing this for your sake, I'm merely trying to be objective."
He shrugged. "All the better."
Sloth huffed. "So what? Weights and that's it?"
"No, I believe that a weapon for you both would be beneficial." Pandemonium pointed out. "Perhaps a short blade of some sort for you. And for you…" She looked Alien up and down. "I could see you pick up an enemy and use them as a mace."
Alien let out a bout of heavy laughter at that. "Hell yeah I would! Imma beat a motherfucker to death with another motherfucker!"
"...Tone down the cursing, why don't you?"
"Why? Does this shit bother you, fucko?"
"There's such a thing as too much, meathead."
"Break it up, children." Pandemonica stepped in between the two. "How exactly did you two get all the way to Hell without tearing each other's throats out yet?"
"Fuck if I know. I just find it funny to antagonize him… and many others, too."
Sloth massaged his temples. "As if I didn't have enough problems to deal with already," he muttered to himself.
As they continued to walk, Pandemonica couldn't help but be reminded of a certain pair of demon sisters. If those four were to meet… Hell might just implode.
"So," Sloth tried to talk again. "A blade of some sort for me, and something heavy for Alien. There's one tiny little issue, though."
Pandemonica quirked an eyebrow.
"We don't know how to use them."
"...Well, yes, that is a good point." Pandemonica took a moment to think. "I know that Modeus brings a sledgehammer with her everywhere, so she probably knows the basics for similar weapons. As for the blade… I know one demon experienced in all sorts of weaponry, but she resides quite a ways away."
"How far are we talking?"
"Five layers away."
Neither human said anything for a long moment.
"That's… a bit too far. No better ideas?" Sloth tried.
Pandemonica shrugged. "All we can hope for is to find an instruction manual of some kind in Asmodeus' library. Because I sincerely doubt that there's many books left un-burned in this city."
"...Couldn't we go back to Limbo, though? I think I remember seeing one such book in Limbo's library."
Sloth and Pandemonica looked at Alien, blinking in unison.
"...I almost forgot about Limbo," Sloth muttered.
Pandemonica glared at Alien. "I am not going back there," she hissed.
Alien rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I get it. Don't wanna go back to your responsibilities and all that. Look, we'll check Asmodeus' library first. If that is a no-go, then I'll ask Modeus to bring us to Limbo instead. You can just wait here."
Pandemonica looked away with an impassive gaze. "Of course. We… we can do that." Her fists clenched as she said that.
The trio continued yet again, an awkward silence between them. Until a roar echoed in the distance.
Unknown to everyone, the sheer chaos plaguing Luxuria proper didn't stop at the city's borders. The massive amount of emotions generated by the infighting acted like a light in the darkness, attracting the attention of the layer's natural predators for miles in every direction.
As one, hordes of varying kinds of feral demons rushed towards the remains of the city. Lowly imps and other lesser beings were trampled by others in their frenzied rush, each and every one uncaring of anything beyond the feast that they were sure expected them there.
The frenzy died down when a monstrous roar echoed through the desert, signaling the arrival of the apex predator among them. Even through the sand, each step shook the ground. An aura of sheer power choked the weaker demons, forcing them to their knees in fear and respect, with the few who could stand up following suit.
A path opened for their Lord. 'The Baron', it called itself. It was positively massive, its large size and bulging musculature causing it to easily tower over any other Cambian. Its pink skin, a sign of seniority, was stained red with the blood of the many challengers it had to put down for eons on end. And yet, there was not one scar on its body. None had come even close to wounding this monster.
A twisted smile appeared on its muzzle as it took a deep sniff. Then, it spoke.
"Everything under the heavens is in utter chaos, the time is ripe for us to make our move!" It spread its arms wide, its deep voice carrying to every demon around. "We will hunger no more! March, my brethren, and we shall claim what is rightfully ours!"
As one, the horde roared in excitement.
I normally post on fridays. This was an oversight on my part, as the chapter was ready for a while but I forgot to publish yesterday. F.
As always, a big thanks to Cletus for the help, to Ralts for the editing, to Sloth for the ideas, and to y'all for reading.
If you want to talk to us, feel free to join the Of Fictions And Fuckups discord server! Link is in my profile.