Before you read, there are some very dark themes in this story. Read at your own discretion.

Tigger Warning: Sexual assault, mild drinking in the first chapter.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

BPOV

I was being forced to move to Forks.

I was both incredibly grateful and incredibly irate. My mother saw this as a non-punishment punishment, whatever that meant. I knew things had gotten bad in Phoenix, but honestly I didn't think Renee even noticed. She didn't notice all the ways her new husband had hurt me. She didn't notice the way I left the room when he entered. So many things remained unseen. They didn't even bother putting me on a plane. They sent me to the train station in a fucking cab. I was there luggage in hand on the platform where my friends were saying goodbye. I had one year of high school left, one year until I turned 18- they said that was when we would reevaluate this half-assed attempt at rehabilitation. As the tears rolled down my face, I already knew I was never coming back.

I remembered all the ways I had tried to numb the pain. All the ways I had acted out to get Renee's attention. None of it ever worked. I'd stay out all hours of the night, constantly avoiding ever coming home to avoid another day of her husband sneaking into my room in the middle of the night. My friends and I attended parties we had no business being at, if the cops would show up we'd taunt and run away from them. I always secretly hoped they'd arrest me, maybe I could say something. I skipped school, hoping that a truancy officer would say something, anything. All I needed was one more chance.

My friends were the only friends I had ever had. Maybe this wasn't how I planned my life would be turning out, but the rush of whatever wild antics we got into that day made me feel alive. A rush of feeling when I had numbed myself for so long felt amazing. Yeah, we did bad shit. It wasn't safe. It wasn't healthy, but I wasn't alone. None of us were, on the nights when we were all but abandoned, we had each other. And we knew each other better than anyone would ever understand.

All they saw were a bunch of teenage girls who were trying to grow up faster than they had any right to. But I saw the truth, in those rare moments when we weren't plastered or running around like crazy people, I saw that we weren't doing this for shits and giggles. We were all just trying to hide the broken. Having so much fun that the pain couldn't possibly seep in. Acting like adults because we had gone through so much more shit than the average adult would ever have to go through.

We were all the same: one part enigmatic beauties, one part tragedy.

All of us walking a tightrope most people had no clue about. Walking the line between having fun and escaping and falling into the dark void of pain in our lives.

Those last few months were the most fun I'd ever had. They were also some of the worst weeks of my life. Some girl had been told by a teacher that if she kept acting the way she did, she wouldn't make it past 30. Carmen laughed right in the teacher's face, completely indifferent to the teacher's lecture. The way she laughed was contagious. The way we were living everything was superficial, shallow. It wasn't hard to be her new best friend after knowing her for a few days. I could count on both hands the number of times I went to school those last few months.

We had known each other about a month or so when she saw what she saw. She had snuck out in search of a party on a Wednesday night. I had learned that she hated being at home as much as I did. We didn't ask each other why, we just kind of understood that things weren't good there. I had learned that she was always looking for a party, it didn't matter where or when as long as she could lose herself in a bottle. I think I could count on one hand how many times I had seen her sober. There were nights when I worried I'd have to take her to the ER for alcohol poisoning, but somehow she always bounced back the next day.

I had stayed home after nursing a massive hangover that day. I didn't get out fast enough that night.

I didn't know that that Wednesday would be the day everything spiraled. My room was on the ground level, perfect for sneaking out, but apparently Phil hadn't thought to lock the window that time. She found him on top of me with his pants down and tears flowing down my face. My head had rolled to the side and she made eye contact with me. I don't know what she saw through the tears, but she kept quiet. She lowered the blind to look undisturbed and once Phil was gone, I tried to pull myself together enough to go outside. Then I climbed out the same window she had been looking through.

When I climbed out the window, I saw a puddle of vomit where she had been standing. It made me sick to think about too.

"Carmen... Fuck. You didn't see anything, okay?" I nodded trying to will her to understand, the tears starting to form in my eyes again.

She shook her head, "No! What the fuck was that?" She was hyperventilating. "Your stepfather should be behind bars- Jesus. I'll go with you- we can go to the police-"

I stopped in my tracks. "I'm not going to the cops and neither are you, okay? He'll kill me." The tears were running down my cheeks again. "Please- please just promise me you won't say anything, okay?"

"No, you need to say something! He can't just get away with that." She was still breathing quickly. She hadn't learned what I had learned years ago. He could get away with it, he was doing a pretty good job of doing just that. And even if I had said something, no one would take my word over his. No one.

So, yeah, he could get away with it.

"Look he's a major league baseball player and I'm me, no one would believe me," I cried. Those were the words that he had said to me so many times I had lost count. Now I believed it too. No one would ever believe me.

She grabbed my arms and held me in place. Her eyes were wild and her words were frantic. "Look you said, your dad's a cop, right? He could do something."

I shook my head again. I felt so sick about talking about this, but there was also a sense of relief. Another soul in this world knew, I wasn't carrying this alone anymore. And maybe that was selfish to be relieved about, but I was. I swallowed thickly, "You know only like 6% of rapists ever jail or something like that? It doesn't matter. No one would ever believe me, so you keep your mouth shut...please." It wasn't until the very end that my voice cracked.

She nodded and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm so sorry."

That was a month ago.

Carmen was also the person who found me vomiting in the bathroom just a couple of weeks ago. I knew, but I most certainly was in denial. All the signs were there: morning sickness, missed period, constant nausea. I couldn't even stand the smell of liquor anymore, though that was probably for the best. I was sitting by the toilet hugging my knees when I saw her standing there. When she turned and walked away, I saw pretty sure that she was going to tell somebody. I popped my head out of the stall and saw her lock the door and run some paper towels underneath the sink.

She handed me the napkin and sat right across from me.

No words were exchanged for a while. "It's his, isn't it?"

I didn't need to say anything.

"What are you going to do?"

I laughed sarcastically through the tears. "What can I do? We live in a red state. Can't do anything without a parent knowing."

"Didn't you say your dad lives in Washington?"

"He'd never let me leave," I scoffed.

"Your mom's threatened to send you away before, right?"

"Yeah as a 'non-punishment punishment'," I mocked.

"So...have her send you away," she shrugged.

"After everything I've done, I'm not sure anything I do will get me sent away," I laughed acerbically.

But I had been wrong.

Apparently, this was a 'straw that breaks the camel's back' situation. I hadn't even intentionally done anything yet, but when Renee got the call that I had missed a lot of school in the last few months and I do mean a lot, it put her over the edge. It was almost funny, I had missed a lot of school, sure, but even with the amount I'd missed I was still passing all of my advanced placement courses. I had always figured that I did well enough I would be able to get as far away from here as possible. But apparently, Renee was at a loss of how to deal with me. She thought living with my Police Chief father would straighten me out. I didn't care, I told myself over and over. But even I couldn't deny that it stung that my own mother had essentially given up on me, but I would be getting out of here. Out of his reach. And that was enough for me.

But now here I was, tears pooling in the corner of my eyes as I waved goodbye to the only friends I'd ever really had.

Hello, everyone!

I hope you like this story. It's been rattling around in my head for a while now, so I hope you enjoy. I'll be updating at least once a week.

If you're reading my other stories. I'm still working on those too! I refuse to give up on On Begged and Borrowed Time.

Thanks for reading. Please review and let me know what you think.