From the desk of,
Kate Beckett
Her fingers feel drained of blood, weak as her left index finger presses the last T on the word document. She reads over the short paragraph of text slowly and nervously. It sounds... suspicious. But it's the best she could do. Maybe if she had her writer sitting next to her, she could eloquently assemble a long letter that sophisticatedly lays out her case. But he's not here. Maybe that's why all this is happening the day it is, because he's not here. She'd left for the precinct before he was awake, slinking out of the house like a common thief as quickly as she could to avoid any more fights with him. But she sent him a text message around nine, asking if he was coming in. His response hit her hard.
He said he had to meet with Gina and couldn't make it.
It hit her hard because the days when he has to meet with Gina are usually the days when he won't leave her alone, looking for any excuse to come down to the precinct because he's needed. But today, he went without a word at all. Thinking he'd rather spend all day in a board room with Gina and some accounting department rather than her... what's happened to them?
Kate lets out a long, unsteady breath as she lays her hand down onto her mouse and moves the cursor over to file, then scrolling down to print. After confirming in the pop-up window, she nervously pushes herself out of her chair and moves over to the printer on the other side of the bullpen.
Again, it feels like there are eyes on her, that everybody has some idea as to what she's doing, and all they need is one good glance to confirm their suspicions. She just tries her best to ignore the sickening feeling as she stands in front of the printer, hearing the gears and mechanics work before a single sheet of paper comes rolling out onto the tray and into her ready hand. She pinches the warm piece of paper in her fingers and then quickly darts behind herself toward Gates' office. She grabs the fax from Lanie on her way, putting it on top of her request.
The knob feels slippery and heavy when she grabs onto it and pushes the heavy wooden door open. It feels like she's having to lean on the knob for support when Gates looks up from the paperwork on her desk over her glasses. "Yes, Detective Beckett?" She says, sounding uninterested before looking back down to her paperwork.
Clearing her throat quietly, Kate quickly strides through the Captain's office, between the two chairs, and hands both sheets of paper to her. "That report you were looking for, Sir."
Captain Gates leans up from her desk and tugs her glasses off her nose, letting them fall around her neck. She outstretches her hand and Kate hands her the two sheets of paper, then clasps her hands together in front of her, breathing hard.
"Hmm," Gates hums, eyes roving over the report. "Marks on the back consistent with the other three victims. That's just perfect." Gates laments with a quick shake of her head. "The Fifteenth will be thrilled about this." She says and sets the report down to her desk with the other papers strewn about and going to the next page, thinking she's just continuing the report.
Kate locks up completely when she sees the shift in Gates' eyes and her brow. She's asking too much.
But she doesn't care. She's walking out of here with what she needs, whether Gates puts her stamp of approval on it or not.
Gates' hard, surprised eyes flick up to the detective still standing at her desk. "You're requesting to be put on leave?"
"Yes, Sir." Kate says with a small nod, her voice as firm as she can muster. "Personal leave."
Gates' finger jabs the paper in her hand. "Until further notice?!" The sound of her voice lets Kate know she's only getting what she wants one way. But... it's for him. He'd do it without hesitation if it were him. One of the reasons she loves him, and one of the reasons why she has to do this. "That's what it says, Sir."
Gates just lets her arm fall down to her desk and looks over to her detective in bewilderment.
"And if you can't approve it, Sir," Kate says with confidence that feels fake, "then give me a few minutes and I'll type up my resignation." Gates' brow shoots up at that. "I need this, Sir, and I'm taking it with or without your approval."
"Ugh," Gates scoffs, tossing herself back in her chair and flicking the paper to the edge of her desk, shaking her head as if she's dealing with an obstinant teenager. Kate just stands there, square-shouldered and stone-faced as Gates tiredly leans forward in her chair again. "Am I at least owed an explanation, Detective?" She asks, lifting an annoyed hand.
Kate looks nervously off to the side. "It's a... a personal matter that I can't put off anymore, Sir." Gates just keeps her annoyed hand raised and her eyes fixed on the anxious detective in front of her. "That's all I can say." She finishes, knowing that saying anymore will probably get her in more trouble. Then again, if she has to quit to get this, it won't really matter.
Gates sighs heavily again before her head falls into her annoyed hand. "Detective," she starts before lifting her head again and looking at her, "for the last time, he's not a cop and doesn't work here. Despite my best efforts with him, I do hope I've made that clear with you."
All Kate can do is wring her hands together, look out the blinded windows, and roll back on her heels, just like the obstinant teenager Gates believes she's dealing with.
"And," Gates continues after a moment, earning Kate's eyes, "I just might be a little more understanding," she says, her voice less stern and softer, "if I knew what this was about."
Kate just stares down at her Captain for a moment, gauging her. It's a long moment before she sees Gates motion her hand that's still in the air and point towards the open door to her office. Kate looks behind her, sees the open door, and understands the gesture. Taking a breath, Kate slowly moves around the chairs and grabs onto the handle, slowly sliding it shut, then slowly moves back toward the Captain's desk, where Gates is now motioning toward one of the chairs in front of her. Kate runs a pair of fingers behind her ears to hold her hair back as she sits down, then clasps her hands together tightly in her lap, leaning forward.
There's a long pause before Kate can speak, but Gates seems patient, for a change. "It's Castle and I... Sir."
She hesitated for a moment, watching and waiting for Gates' expression to change.
Kate continues when there's no sign of it shifting, "We've been going through a really rough patch," she has to say it, she has to point it out to her, "ever since you approved Vaughn's request for me to be his security detail."
Gates' brow quirks just for a moment, but beyond that, she doesn't respond.
"And honestly, Sir," Kate chuckles, "I really don't know why you did or why I agreed to it, but it's been ruining my relationship for weeks."
Gates' brow shifts again, raising to be somewhat curious. "Really?"
Kate wrings her hands together and looks toward the lights. "Castle got really jealous... and was scared Vaughn would make a move on me." She pauses, feeling her skin crawl and a heavy feeling of sickness and bile squirm around in her stomach. "Which he did."
Gates' expression shifts into utter surprise. "Detective, did you-"
"No." Kate states plainly. She didn't. She didn't then, wouldn't now, and wouldn't ever. Not again, ever. "I didn't." She says, as if in court and having to say it for the record. "But Castle and I haven't been the same since, and... if I don't do something about it, I'm going to lose him." Kate waits for Gates' rebuttal, knowing that if she had one, it would come now. But when one doesn't come for a moment, she's continuing. "And I refuse to let that happen, so... I need to be put on leave, effective immediately and until further notice, paid or unpaid I don't really care, so I can do that."
There's a long moment of pause, where Kate's heart is palpitating inside her achingly tight chest. But when she hears Gates sigh loudly and look down to her desk, pulling open a drawer of her desk and then pulling out a single sheet of paper and handing it to her over the desk. "Fill this out, get it back to me."
Kate sits, stunned at what she's seeing. She expected a lecture, a scolding, to get fired, anything. She quickly swallows all the whys swelling up in her throat and stands up, taking the form from her and dashing back toward the door. "Thank you, Sir." She rushes.
"Beckett?" Gates stops her just as her hand finds the door. Kate hesitates to not open the door, but seeming too ungrateful might make this blessing backfire. So she stops and turns, seeing Gates is leaning forward on her forearms on her desk, her eyes out toward the window with a small smile on her face. "A few years ago, my husband and I wanted to celebrate our ten-year anniversary." Kate jumps slightly when Gates' eyes move back toward her. "He found this... lodge... resort, up in Maine. He said he wanted to go because the place reminded him of the place from The Shining." She says with a roll of her eyes. Despite everything, Kate finds herself smiling. "Anyway," Gates waves her hands, pulls her glasses back up to onto her nose, and looks back down to her paperwork, "it was nice."
Kate looks away with a small smile. "Thank you, Sir."
He's zoned out when he feels the cab stop again. It isn't until he hears a knock on the plexiglass in front of him that he looks out of the window of the cab and sees he's in front of his building.
On a hard sigh, he pulls fifty out of his sport coat pocket and hands it to the cabby, "Keep the change," he mutters under his breath as he shoves the door open and stands up out of the cab, onto the wet, damp street in front of his building. It probably didn't even rain. Sometimes, the city is just annoying. He's tired. Gina had ordered dinner for them when their meeting ran late and he decided to distract himself by ordering a large meal and slowly pick at it until it was gone. It's nearly seven o'clock now, and only Tuesday. Alexis won't be around until the weekend. Maybe he can just lay down on the couch, maybe if he tells himself it's just for a nap, he'll just end up sleeping there for the night, maybe get up early and go down to the gym. His tired muscles could use a good breaking.
He makes his way across the sidewalk and through the door, then through the lobby of his building, then taking the short, single-floor elevator up and stepping off. As he turns out into the hallway, he blindly reaches for the keys to the loft in his pocket as he passes his neighbor's door. But when turns to his own door and looks up to search for the lock, he sees the lights are on through the bottom crack of the door. He lifts a single brow and curiously tests the door before he tries the key.
He freezes when the door slowly swings open with a soft push. The lights are on in the living room, but not the kitchen. "Hmph," he breathes as he reaches for his phone. He didn't get any text messages, his mother is supposed to be out for the next several nights, but it's not like her to text him if her plans change anyway. It's probably just his mother then.
On another hard, depressing sigh, feeling tired, beaten, and worn down, Rick drags his feet inside, slipping his keys and phone back into his pockets as he passes through the door, then closes it behind him with a soft click and a quick turn of the lock. He makes his way through the loft at a tiring pace, pulling his sport coat off his shoulders, when his eyes travel up the staircase to his left. The lights aren't on up there either. Oh god, that must mean she's rummaging around in his office again. He shakes his head and turns to beeline through the living room, letting his balled-up sport coat fall onto the arm of the couch as he passes it. Approaching his office, he puts a hand on the back of his neck and rolls his head.
But when he steps into his office, he doesn't see her. She'd usually be rummaging around in the chest of drawers behind his desk, or in a chair watching TV, but his office his quiet. The next thing he sees as he scans his office for clues are the lights in his bedroom.
Why on Earth would she be in his bedroom?
He breathes a hard, annoyed sigh and starts toward the ajar door to his bedroom, grabs the knob and pushes it open.
His breath hitches violently at what he sees. Open on the bed is a dark violet suitcase. There are already clothes folded up enough to where he can see it's already at least half full. He knows that suitcase. He's noticed it countless times. It always sat in the corner of the room off her office in her apartment, at least when they first got together then it got relegated to being stowed in the corner of her coat closet next to her bedroom.
This... did he really expect anything else? He knows her. But still...
He can feel his eyes burn, feel his gut churn, his knees wobble, his hands get weak and shakey, his heart shrivels, all getting far worse with every passing second.
It's really over. He failed. He lost her. She's really leaving. God, she's really leaving.
It isn't until he has to finally take another breath, that ends up getting choked in his throat, that he sees her appear from out of the closet, holding one of her blouses in her hand. She stops dead when she sees him and their eyes meet almost instantaneously.
Kate's heart squeezes violently when she sees him. He's looking straight at her from the doorway. Oh god, he has tears in his eyes. It isn't until then that she looks to her suitcase lying opened up on the bed, then back up to him. She puts the pieces together too late.
"Really?" He chokes out, lifting his brow and tightening his lips and jaw.
Kate looks between him and her suitcase, tries for words as quickly as she can but fails before he's continuing.
"I guess talking about this is out of the question then." He chokes out again, giving her a small nod before quickly moving in the opposite direction from her toward the bathroom.
"Castle-" She jumps to go after him, her heart jumping with fear and anxiousness.
"Just go, Kate." He says, and she can hear the small semblance of a sob in his voice that he's trying to hold back.
"Rick!" She yelps, emotion quickly quaking through her voice as her hand shoots up to grab onto his arm.
He tries to throw her off, but right now, he's too weak and she's too strong for it to happen. So he ends up being spun around by her, his back landing with a thud against the corner of the wall and hallway. For a moment, she holds onto his arm, seeing he's turned his head away and is trying desperately to hide the emotion showing on his face. Kate takes a slow breath and slowly straightens up in front of him, looking down to his chest. She lets go of his arm, very reluctantly but stops before going any further.
Any other time, any other situation, this would be the exact time she'd press her hands into his chest, snake her arms around his neck, step up on her tiptoes and work her lips against him, kiss him and press herself against him, pull him over to bed and wrap every limb she had around him and make love until their bodies gave out. Then wake up in the morning and do it all over again.
But that's what got them here in the first place. Maybe she can't blame herself entirely, or maybe she can. But either way, they've both taken the easy way out for far too long. But after a moment of thought, as her hand leaves his arm, she takes his reaction as amazing news.
This means he doesn't want to lose her any more than she wants to lose him. And it's enough to bring a genuine smile to her face as she looks down to his chest.
"Go pack a bag." She says finally, her voice calm, small, and quiet. She finally looks up to him, her smile still small on her face.
He reluctantly turns his head to look at her, seeing she has the smallest yet warmest smile on her face. "What?"
Her smile flashes as she looks away and reaches behind herself and into her back pocket, pulling out the papers and unfolding them. She looks back up to him and presents the reservation to him. After a long moment, he reaches up a very weak hand on a very weak arm and takes the papers from her. "The Evergreen Lakeview lodge and resort." She says to him as his eyes scan the jumbled words on the page. "I uh..." she starts, taking a step away from him and running a finger behind her ear, "dropped your name and got us a presidential suite." Seeing he's still reading, or at least faking it, she continues. "I looked at it online, it's really nice."
All he does is give her a stiff nod and continues to pretend to read the papers, trying to make it convincing by flipping the pages over.
"The reservation starts in the morning, so we have to leave pretty soon if we want to make it on time." She watches as he pinches his brow, narrows his eyes and starts to look up to her. "I already talked to Martha about it and she said she'd talk to Alexis, so... go pack a bag, okay?"
He lets out a breath he's been holding and finally manages to ask. "But... what about your job?
She's been waiting for this moment since she signed the paperwork to go on leave. With a smile, she pulls her badge out of her pocket and shows it to him before slowly moving over to the nightstand on her side of the bed. She pulls the top drawer open and drops her badge inside, then slides the drawer closed. Smiling back at him, "Until further notice, I'm not a cop." She says confidently. "From now on..." she starts, hoping he'll understand what she's about to say, "to you, I'm just Kate."
He looks at her, standing a few feet away near the bed. She's smiling at him. It has a certainty behind it. But still, after everything, he really can't help but feel an ulterior motive behind everything. "For how long?"
Kate pauses, knowing what she's wanted to say. "As long as it takes." She says with a small smile. "Now go pack."
A/N: liked the response to the first chapter. Keep it comin. /=]