Hello, everyone. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!
BPOV
By all standards of the definition I was lucky.
I was lucky that Edward had been standing next to me.
I was lucky that he had pulled me out of the way.
Lucky I wasn't being scraped off the side of my truck.
But after an ambulance ride and now sitting here in the hospital waiting to be examined- I didn't feel very lucky.
Even more unlucky when it was Edward's dad that was the one that walked into the room.
So unlucky that I threw up in the middle of his examination.
"To be on the safe side, I'd like to get an MRI. Is that okay?" I didn't know what I was supposed to do, I had told Dr. Cullen I was fine countless times. I'd told the EMTs that I felt fine and didn't need to go to the hospital, but here I was. I couldn't really say no, right?
"Okay," I choked out.
"We'll need a blood test beforehand."
"What?" I flinched.
"Routine protocol. Don't worry, it won't take very long," Dr. Cullen promised. He didn't know that I couldn't have cared less about how long it would take. Take all the time he wanted because I was dead when Charlie found out. No one minded their own fucking business in small towns. I could see the rumors now, the Police Chief's delinquent daughter knocked up. I wanted the floor to swallow me whole right now.
"Okay," I whispered.
The blood drawing was over in the blink of an eye, and then all I could do was wait. Maybe I had been wrong. Maybe I wasn't...what I thought I was. I could have contracted some weird virus that was mimicking the symptoms of pregnancy.
But when I saw the solemn look on Dr. Cullen's face when he walked back in, I knew I wasn't. I couldn't hide behind my denial anymore, this was cold hard proof.
"Bella? Did you know?"
"Define know," I rasped. There it was. My rude awakening.
"There are options, Bella. Ab-"
"But I'd have to tell Charlie, wouldn't I?" I asked, tears starting to form in my eyes.
My life was over. I was pregnant.
I couldn't believe I was actually pregnant. I never thought much about what people thought about me, but now all I could think was what everyone would think. More specifically, what would Edward think? I'd tried to scare him away last night. It was a Monday night and I kept him out until 2 in the morning doing whatever the fuck we wanted. But I hadn't scared him off. No, like a dumbass it'd brought me even closer to him. Made me want him even more. I liked that he checked on me- that he kept reeling me back in, grounding me to reality. I liked holding his hand. Then I'd kissed him. And he'd kissed me back. And for once I felt normal. Blushing and grinning all the way home. And then this morning, he'd saved me.
This was my rude awakening. The brutal reminder that I could never just be. It wasn't in the cards for people like me. It's why I tried chasing him away. There wasn't really any coming back from this. It broke my heart that we'd never even get the chance to be an 'us'. We'd never be a 'we'. I had been pretending. Everything I portrayed to Edward was an act, it wasn't me. I'd been playing a role and trying to fool myself into thinking that it'd be us for just a while.
All I really had, all I could really count on was me. Maybe Charlie, though who knew how he'd react once he found out.
"Once he gets over the initial shock, he'll be a great support. I've known the Chief for many years now, he's a good man, Bella."
"I can't tell him." My whole body shook violently. "I can't."
I didn't like feeling like this. So small...so helpless. I had spent years avoiding and suppressing all of these feelings and now they were all rushing out. I didn't notice Dr. Cullen was reaching out to place a hand on my shoulder until he touched me.
"Don't touch me!" I reacted instinctively, aggressively flinching away from him. I knew that my reaction wasn't one easily dismissed, that wasn't the way normal people reacted to being comforted. He dropped his hand and I saw the realization strike Dr. Cullen. His eyes went wide for a split second before he regained composure.
"Bella," he started slowly. I knew what was coming next. "This is a safe space. I want you to know you can tell me if someone hurt you. I can help you. Okay?"
I nodded but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't say the words, it made it too real. Of course, there was nothing more real than what was going on inside of me.
I blinked the tears back and nodded. I did what I had always done, I suppressed- compartmentalized. I rolled my shoulders back, plastered a nonchalant expression on my face and crossed my arms. "Do we still need the MRI or can I go?"
"You need to be getting proper care for your situation, Bella. This won't go away on it's own."
I swallowed the knot in my throat. "I'll figure it out."
"Not alone, Bella." He sighed and closed his eyes for a second like he was dealing with his own internal conflict. "Will you wait here for just a moment?"
I sat there for a few minutes, keeping my eyes trained on a poster that gave step-by-step directions about how to wash your hands properly. I could leave. I could walk out the door and I wouldn't have to face any more lectures from Dr. Cullen. But then I couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't tell Charlie. What could I do? Leave Forks? I had no where to go. I didn't belong anywhere, to anyone. I didn't have a place to land if I left. I was all alone.
My hands were getting more and more tied as the days passed. Dr. Cullen was right, Charlie was smart. He'd figure it out, but even if he didn't- someone else would. Was it really fair that he find out from some rando in town. Charlie had tried to be a good dad, he never hurt me. He deserved more than that. Of course I said that now, but could I really be brave enough to tell him at all? And what if he told Renee? Would she tell him too? What would he do if he found out? The more I thought things through, the more all of my options sounded worse. But if I asked Charlie not to tell Renee, would he oblige? She was a flighty person, she had sent me away the second she felt like she couldn't handle me. She wouldn't take me back like this, no way. She wouldn't take this on, I knew that for a fact.
I was so lost in thought, I had almost missed Dr. Cullen walk back into the room with a clipboard he didn't have before.
"Bella? I spoke to another doctor-"
"What? Why would you-" I started to panic, but Dr. Cullen held up a hand to stop me.
"I didn't tell them who you were or anything else, but there is a protocol that we have to follow."
"Protocol?" I whispered because I knew where this was going.
"There's also the ethics of the situation...Bella, has the Chief ever hurt you?"
I was completely bewildered. Wasn't he the one that had said that Charlie was a good man? Now he was asking me if he had hurt me? "No! Charlie would never hurt me!"
He nodded and wrote something on his clipboard. "You feel safe at home?"
"In Forks?" I added without thought.
He nodded.
"Yeah, I feel safe here."
"Why the clarification, Bella?"
I froze, barely registering that I'd said that.
"Bella, I'm not trying to trick you, I promise. But I do need to know if you're being harmed."
"I'm not! I'm not being hurt..." What was I doing? Why was I lying still? I mean, I knew why I was lying, but Dr. Cullen was right that people would eventually find out. Charlie would find out. And Charlie would ask questions. I shuddered to think about the questions he'd ask. Everything was so fucking confusing, there were so many things I was conflicted and confused on. I hated feeling so clueless.
I knew one thing for sure: I was in over my head.
That night when Carmen had seen Phil, it felt like such a relief that someone else knew. I knew she couldn't really help me, but it still felt so much better. And Dr. Cullen seemed nice enough.
If I could just choke out the words, I'd have one more person. Could I be strong enough to say it? I always said that give a chance, just one more chance, I'd tell the truth. I wouldn't be a coward anymore. Then I'd be free. Now I wasn't so sure. It didn't look like there would ever be a time when I'd be free. But I'd always regret it if I didn't take the chance while I still had it. "Anymore. I'm not being hurt...anymore."
Dr. Cullen almost looked shocked that I had said anything. His clipboard dropped down and he looked at me. "Bella, do you know who the father is?"
I nodded, I didn't think I could do this. I couldn't say the words.
"Bella, who's the father?" He asked.
There was something about the sincerity and genuine concern in his eyes that made me trust him. That made it easier to choke out the words that had been haunting me for years. I couldn't bring myself to say his name. It made my skin crawl. "Renee's husband."
There it was. And once I pulled the plug on that dam, the whole truth came flooding out. And when I was done, I didn't know exactly how to feel. I felt relieved that another adult could help me. But there was so much uncertainty. Would he tell Charlie? Did I want him to tell him? And then the same downward spiral began and I started to panic.
"It's alright, Bella. He can't hurt you anymore. It will be okay. It will all be okay."
I stared down at my hands as I tried to calm myself down. "Are you going to tell my dad?"
"How we proceed is up to you, Bella. I can- if you'd like. Or you can tell him. But before we do that, I'm going to get a nurse and we'll do an ultrasound. See how far along you are. It'll help us figure out your options."
I nodded. The ultrasound didn't take as long as I thought it would. I could see the bump forming already, the little life forming inside of me. The bump was so slight, like bloating on my period or something. Nothing that a baggy shirt couldn't cover. Next month would be a different story. The life inside me that would keep growing didn't care about how they came in to this world. Nor that soon I wouldn't be able to hide behind strategic clothes. I'd give anything to go back to that time when thing's were so simple. When my mother still cared about me. When she protected the life inside growing inside of her.
I couldn't believe there was a baby growing inside of me. A life I'd be solely responsible for. Hearing the heartbeat and seeing the little baby inside of me brought tears to me eyes. There it was- more cold, hard proof. They estimated me to be about 4 months along. And in 5 months, I'd have a little person completely reliant on me for their survival.
"Would you like to know what you're having?" The technician asked.
I shook my head and peeled my eyes of of the screen. I didn't want to have any more of an emotional attachment to the person inside of me. Not yet. Not when I wasn't sure if I was going to have a home to go to tonight. "No, I don't want to know."
"Are you sure? Its' not-"
"No," I snapped, feeling very defensive of my decision. "I don't want to know."
"Would you like to be the one to tell your father?" Dr. Cullen asked. He'd remained in the room the entire time.
"I can't. I can't say it again," I bawled.
"There are rules with these kinds of situations, Bella. I can only disclose what you allow me to disclose."
I thought about it for a second. If I told Charlie what happened, he'd go ballistic. He'd insist we press charges- if he even believed me. Just because Dr. Cullen believed me didn't mean others would. I couldn't take people questioning if I was telling the truth. My whole life under a microscope. Phil was a famous baseball player, he had money. I had been in so much trouble in the last few years that I was sure no one ever believe me. "Just don't tell him who the father is."
He nodded and walked outside.
I realized I was a coward for not being able to tell my father myself, but I couldn't even say the word myself. Pregnant. I could barely think it. It didn't sound right. It didn't make sense to me. I was too young to be having a kid. What the fuck would I do with a baby? Stop cursing so much for one.
I tried to tune out the sound of Charlie walking. Then the sound of Dr. Cullen starting his speech.
"She's pregnant," Charlie's gruff voice rasped. I kept my head down and slightly turned so I couldn't see him.
"Chief, there's no easy way to say this but it... it wasn't consensual."
"Not consensual? What do you-" Charlie stopped as the realization struck him. He stood right in front of me, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I didn't want to see the look of disappointment and disdain on his face. "Bella?"
My heart broke when I heard the heartbreak in his voice. I couldn't imagine what I would see if I looked at him.
"Bella!" My father called again. I couldn't do it. My eyes stayed on my chipped black nail polish.
"Chief, can I speak to you outside?"
The only sound was the clock ticking in the background. A tear drop fell on my hand and I watched as it rolled down my nail and onto the floor.
I heard the door open and I squeezed me eyes shut as I waited for it. For Charlie to tell me he wanted me out of his house. To tell me that I was no longer his daughter. To demand that I told him who the father was.
None of that happened.
Charlie crouched down in front of me. He hadn't done that since I'd been a kid. Whenever I got hurt he'd crouch down and put a bandaid on while telling me it'd be okay. But it had been years. And no bandaid could fix this.
"I believe you, Bells. I believe you." There was no stopping the waterworks then. I usually made it a point to never cry in front of people. To never feel vulnerable, not when I could help it. But I could feel the weight fall off of my chest. It felt like I could almost breathe again. It could have been the pregnancy hormones or the fact that those were the words I'd longed to hear in the last almost five years. I never let myself hope that anyone would actually believe me, but my dad did. He believed me.
And that was all I could really ask for.
Honestly, Charlie has always been one of my favorite characters. For me, there was no way that he wouldn't believe and accept Bella. I know that's not the case for everyone, but Charlie was always one of the more rational characters in the books. Hope you guys enjoyed! See you soon!
