BPOV

"This is a bad idea," I groaned. I'd barely survived the last week of school, I truly wanted nothing more than to stay home the entirety of spring break. After everything that occurred this week, the rumors about me getting louder and louder- it wasn't easy to show my face anywhere. And I certainly did not want to introduce myself to Edward's parents.

I'd never been one for shame, but I couldn't lie and say I hadn't felt embarrassed and ashamed of myself these last few weeks. Shamed of things that were never in my control. Shame of stories that were not and would never be true. Pure, unbridled shame. My only reprieve was the truth and I clung to it like a life preserver.

It was really only because Edward asked me so sweetly that I''d even agreed to meeting his parents.

"It'll be fine, Bella." He paused to think for a moment. "Besides, you've met my father."

"And I really don't think I made that great of an impression," I insisted.

"My mom's been dying to meet you," he said, ignoring my vehement objections. "She's kind of a homebody, but she's been asking me to bring you home."

"You told her about me?" I cracked a small smile.

"Of course I did."

"And she still wants to meet me?" I asked with an eyebrow raised, really doubtful that if Edward told his mother about me she'd want to meet me.

Edward gently tugged on my hand. "Very funny, now can we please get going?"

I stopped and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked awful. I had taken to exclusively wearing leggings, which were starting to cut into my bump, and Edward's hoodies. I wanted to dress like a normal person to meet Edward's parents, but nothing in my closet even remotely fit me anymore. Charlie had awkwardly offered to buy me maternity clothes, but it just felt so overwhelming. I couldn't make sense of any of it. The shame, embarrassment, and awkwardness hadn't faded, but increased in tandem with my growing baby.

Besides that, Charlie had been so supportive since he found out. I didn't want to continue pushing it by asking Charlie for things I didn't absolutely need. We hadn't discussed what would happen after pregnancy yet- he was still waiting on me to tell Renee.

I was probably going to have to cave and buy myself some clothes soon, but I was hesitant. I had money saved up from doing other student's papers and such, but I still didn't want to waste money on clothing seeing as I'd need money when the baby came- if I kept the baby, I reminded myself.

"Nothing fits me," I pouted dramatically, trying to be playful rather than pessimistic for once.

"You look great," Edward responded automatically.

"No, I don't. Even your sweaters are getting to small to hide this," I turned to the side and carefully examined my growing bump. 5 months pregnant. 4 more months to go.

Edward moved behind and wrapped his arms around my waist. His head bent down as he whispered assurances for the millionth time, "You don't have to hide it anymore, remember? Your father knows. My parents already know. My siblings know. It'll be great."

His hand laced with mine and he pulled me away from the mirror that had become Bella enemy number #1. I often thought about smashing it out of frustration with myself. We walked out of my room and down the stairs to go meet Edward's parents.

As we pulled up to the beautiful white house my anxiety and trepidation grew tenfold. There was something about meeting someone's parents when you're 5 months pregnant with someone else's baby that was a tad awkward. Edward was to my right, constantly reassuring me as we walked up the porch. I braced myself for the worst reactions I could think of. His parents could tell me they wanted me to leave him alone. Looking at me with judgement and disapproval in their eyes. Even worse, pity in their eyes. Hand-in-hand, we walked into Edward's home.

It was even more beautiful than I'd imagined. My eyes made their way across the entire room, this time I wasn't looking for exit strategies or places to hide, I was just taking the atmosphere of the storybook home. It looked open, light, with a hint of coziness. The large windows let so much light in that the interior looked like it was glowing. It seemed like something out of a catalogue. Or a movie.

It looked like an actual home.

"You like it?"

I looked at Edward and nodded. "It's beautiful."

I tensed and looked up as I heard steps on the hardwood floor approaching us. I swallowed the fear and anxiety and tried to put a smile back on my face.

Edward's mother was exactly like I imagined. She had the same bright green eyes that Edward did though her hair was a much darker shade of copper. She looked kind, motherly. Like the living incarnate of Snow White or a 1920's silent film star- the complete opposite of my erratic, harebrained mother. She reached out and grabbed my extended hand. "You must be Bella."

Dr. Cullen was right beside her. He wore similar profession attire that he had on the day we first met. I internally grimaced at the memory of that day. "Bella, it's good to see you again."

His response was strange considering I didn't remember our last meeting to be that great of an interaction. He'd seen me at my most vulnerable, heard most of my darkest secrets. Yet, there was no discomfort or awkwardness as Dr. Cullen shook my hand. "You too, Dr. Cullen."

"Oh please, call me Carlisle."

I nodded quietly, my eyes still wandering around the beautiful home.

"I do have to get going, but it was nice seeing you again, Bella."

He said goodbye to Esme and Edward and I gave an awkward wave and smile.

"Why don't we take a seat?" I nodded dumbly as Mrs. Cullen lead us to the white midcentury modern couch. I was almost scared I'd dirty it by touching it.

My eyes continued wandering until Mrs. Cullen spoke, "Oh, I'm so glad Edward finally brought you here. I've been looking forward to meeting you."

"Thank you, Mrs. Cullen. Edward's told me a lot about you."

"Oh, Esme, dear. Mrs. Cullen makes me feel old."

I politely laughed and nodded. Edward mouth opened to speak but was interrupted by the sound of someone barreling down the stairs. Alice paused at the bottom of the stairwell. "I thought I heard Bella's voice down here."

"Hey, Alice," I waved from the couch. I watched as Alice slowly and cautiously approached the three of us. I gave her a small smile which Alice took as permission to dial up her enthusiasm. I considered that a good thing- I didn't want her to act differently to appease me. She flopped on the couch on the other side of me. It was almost claustrophobic with how close she was, but I didn't say anything for fear of making anyone uncomfortable in their own home. I simply took a deep breath and reminded myself that Alice was no threat to me.

"You look amazing. Doesn't she?" Alice asked looking to Edward and Esme. I could actually feel my face start to warm a little.

"Don't mind Alice. She's always been an overzealous one. Though she's right, you look great. Much better than I did when I had these two."

"Thanks," I whispered awkwardly.

"You have to let me taking you shopping! I've never gone shopping for maternity clothes before, it'll be so much fun!"

"That's really not nec-" I started declining before I was interrupted.

"Oh! What about a baby shower?" Alice squealed. This time my face did not warm up, but ice flooded my veins at the reminder of the baby that I was going to have in a few short months.

"Alice," Esme curtly warned.

"What? It'll be great. Right, Bella?"

I said nothing as the ice in my veins and fear in my soul continued to poke and prod at me, demanding my immediate attention. The realization settled over me in a nauseating way: I was unprepared. Completely and incontestably unprepared. I was going to have a baby, whether I wanted to or not was irrelevant. One way or another a baby would be born. My baby. A baby I wasn't sure I was capable of keeping. I was entering motherhood and I had yet to tell my own mother. My own mother that wanted nothing to do with me. I had no one guiding me through this impossible time but that didn't change anything. A baby. An actual baby.

The storm I was feeling did not weather. I knew I needed a moment alone for my world to make sense again, for my moral compass to recalibrate itself before I said or did anything rash out of fear. "I-um-I-can you just give me a second?"

I didn't wait for a response before I bolted to the bathroom, which I was lucky to have seen when we first walked in.

EPOV

Alice's face dropped as Bella bolted. "What did I say?"

"She doesn't know if she's keeping the baby, Alice," I sighed.

Her frown grew, "Oh."

My mother took Alice's hand and squeezed it. "It's not your fault, Alice. Pregnancy... well it's a very difficult experience for some women, especially young women. It's supposed to be a joyous occasion, and when it isn't- well we should just approach it gently, Alice."

Alice nodded and in a very uncharacteristic move, she remained pensive and silent. Before my mom or I could assuage her guilt, Bella bashfully resurfaced, shyly walking back over to the living room. "Sorry, I just needed a second."

My mom smiled and stood up, like nothing had ever happened. It didn't surprise me, even though she seldom left the house, she was a master a maneuvering awkward and tense situations. Usually Alice was like that too, but I tried not to worry about it. "No worries, dear. Have you eaten?"

I smiled and went to sidle up next to Bella. "Bella can always eat," I teased, earning me a sharp jab in the ribs.

Bella's blush was back, this time with a small smile. "Shut up."

In no time my mom had out all of her fixings. She loved to host so she was always prepared. Bella and I sat at the kitchen table as my mom placed an assortment of snacks in front of us. "Don't be embarrassed, you should have seen me with these two. Carlisle would order a large pizza for the three of us and there'd be none left over."

"Well, my diet consists of mostly candy these days. A lot of sour candy," Bella chuckled. It was true, we were spending a lot of time together and I'd seen her run into the gas station only to come out with bags of candy. I wouldn't be shocked if I had a cavity or two by now.

"I'm home!" Emmett called from the door.

"Kitchen," Mom responded.

"What's everyone doing- " Emmett's eyes found us all sitting around the kitchen island, Bella included. "Oh...Bella's here! I was wondering when that would happen."

"Well, I'd been dying to meet her," she said, then my mother's knowing eyes met mine. I gulped, wondering which embarrassing story she would use as an icebreaker. "It's not very often we get someone who Edward's willing to sneak out for."

Bella almost choked on the cookie my mom had set in front of us. Not even out of embarrassment, but because she thought it was funny. I should have known that would be Bella's reaction. "You got caught?"

"Yes," I muttered. "Sneaking back in, she saw me."

"I live with the Chief of Police and even I didn't get caught," Bella laughed freely, before remembering my mom was still standing right there. "I'm sorry about that by the way, Esme. Totally my fault."

"As long as it doesn't happen again," she knowingly warned. "To be frank, I'm glad Edward's found someone who makes him happy."

"Can't believe you got caught," Emmett's laughter boomed through out the kitchen.

My mom whirled around and gave him the same pointed warning. Her eyes were silently warning him to not push his luck, though she vocally teased him, "Oh, hush you. Your father's caught you many, many times."

"As fun as this has been, I'm going to give Bella a tour of the house," I said, getting embarrassed at my family. As we walked out of the kitchen, I literally sighed in relief. "I'm sorry about them. They can be a little...strange?"

Bella shook her head and the corner of her mouth twitched up. "I liked them- the way they interacted with each other... you guys are a real family. I like that."

My heart simultaneously broke and fluttered for Bella. She liked my family, my home. But the way she said it so...wistfully, awestruck. It occurred to me that she probably never had that growing up. I gave her the full tour and I felt a sense of pride at the way she looked amazed at each room. But especially the way she looked at my room. I had always been pretty proud of my collection of books and music but when I saw how much Bella loved it? Well there were very few things better than that.

"How do you sort them?"

I watched her drag her finger over the spines of some of my collection. My favorites were the leather bound copies that my father gave me. "By phase, I guess."

"Phase?" She asked, tearing her gaze away from the shelf.

"I kinda go through these phases, like most people I think, but look," I pointed over her to the first section. "That was my horror faze. Existentialism. Transcendentalism..." I trailed off shrugging.

"Let's see..." she perused through the shelves again. "And not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

"Impressive," I nodded. "Fitzgerald?"

"Pfft...easy," she scoffed. "There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams - not through her own fault, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion."

She turned around, catching the puzzled look I was giving her. "Don't look at me like that- I read," she declared proudly.

"I'm not looking at you like anything. You're just...interesting."

"Most people are," she shrugged. I was still confused. "Multifaceted, I mean. Different in ways you'd never expect."

"Like?" I urged her on.

"Well..." She started chewing on her lip. "Well, everyone mostly. I'm sure even Jessica Stanley has some redeemable quality underneath that God-awful personality."

I laughed, but said nothing as she walked around my room. If every one was multifaceted in some way, then Bella was more than that. She told me before that people enjoyed the brokenness. And maybe that was true. And maybe I did too. But past the brokenness- when she allowed someone to see the light, she made the world colorful, more interesting. If everyone had that light and color about them, than Bella was a kaleidoscope. All aspects of her different color dancing around the people she allowed to see that side of her. Most people only saw one color, one flicker of Bella's light. I was proud to say I'd seen most of them, if there were more I was still not sure, but Bella had an almost ethereal essence to her that I hadn't ever known before I met her.

And despite what she believed, I didn't think that quality had anything to do with her past. Her 'brokenness'. And had everything to do with her being Bella.

I broke from my reverie to see her rounding the room, idly wandering by my stereo pressing play on the last CD I played. Her CD. I tried not to be embarrassed, but I'd listened to that CD an embarrassing number of times. Bella's lips pulled in as she fought the smile that was already growing on her face. "You know there are other albums, right?"

I coyly shook my head. "You'll have to introduce me."

Emmett and Alice had both taken off by the time we made it back downstairs. We only stayed a little while after that.

"See that wasn't that so bad," I joked as I pulled up to her house.

"No, I guess not," she smiled.

"My mom really liked you. My dad too."

"They were both really nice, especially considering everything."

"They would never judge you for that." I paused, deciding to lighten the mood instead of ending the night on a bad note. "And my mom always likes finding more people to cook for. It was getting a little too easy with just Emmett, Jasper, and I."

Bella flipped me off and then opened my car door. "We'll talk later?"

I nodded. I always hated this part, saying goodbye to Bella was always the worst part of the night. The funny thing was that I'd always made fun of couples like that. The 'I never want to say goodbye to you' couples. My brother, my sister. All of the couples at lunch that acted like they wouldn't see each other for days instead of mere hours.

Now, I couldn't wait until I got home so I could be on the phone with Bella most of the night. Usually Bella was tired and fell asleep on the line. It was how I knew Bella talked in her sleep- my heart fluttered because I'd heard her say my name more than a few times. Then raged when she said his name. The inflection was so different, the way she said my name and his. She always sounded so scared when she said his name. Her voice trembled whenever she said it. I didn't know who Phil was, but I hated him. Hated him with every fiber of my being.

It was the only time I'd ever heard of Bella being scared of anything.

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