7 Months Pregnant- Mid-May

Spring break was over and that meant after two weeks of serenity, I had to go back to that hell-hole filled with judgmental stares and snarky remarks. I'd gone to school pregnant before, I did it for almost 5 months, but two things made today feel very different. One, I was no longer wearing clothes that diminished the look of my pregnancy. Not at all. Modern day modernity clothes were not meant to obscure baby bumps, just flatter them. Thanks to Esme, I was wearing properly fitting clothes, and it made all the difference in my appearance. The second: everyone already knew.

Weeks had passed since every single person in my life became aware of the secret I had been carrying. Now, it seemed like there wasn't a person in town who didn't know that I was pregnant. All of the smoke and mirrors I'd cultivated over the years were gone. Destroyed.

I'd never been more conscientious of that than I was now. I'd never been one for shame. I believed in holding my head high and owning your shit. But this wasn't my shit. This had been imposed on me in the most cruel of ways. I'd made mistakes, plenty of them, but this- this was never a choice that I made. It seemed cold to refer to the baby inside of me as a mistake. But I'd be lying if I said that this was wanted. I never wanted to be a teen mom. Before this, I wasn't even sure if I ever wanted to be a mom at all. I didn't think I had the capacity for that kind of love or nurturing or any of the other things that I believed a good parent should be.

Even with all of that, I couldn't deny that I was already completely in love with the baby I was carrying. My only question: Was that enough?

Today was not the day for that question, though it was a question that plagued me very often now. Riding with Edward in his car made things a little better, he'd even offered to skip the first half of the day for a more low-key entrance. I didn't want to be any further of a bad influence, so I declined. And as we pulled up to the unassuming school, I was deeply regretting telling Edward no.

"Are you ready?"

"No," I laughed painfully. "But that's not going to change anytime soon."

He leaned in and kissed my forehead. "You're so fucking brave, B."

I sighed. "Thank you."

I didn't give myself a chance to change my mind. I opened the door and got out of the Edward's car, leaving behind all of the safety and security of being alone. As I stepped out of Edward's care I tried to focus on my checklist, the checklist for the proudly unaffected: Chin up, shoulders back, arms confidently at my side, but not directly pressing against my torso. And a smile.

I walked purposefully like I normally did, but it didn't have quite the same effect. Still even if I felt the full force of the stares and whispers, I kept my shoulders back and my chin parallel to the floor. Walking to my locker with Edward was a strange phenomena, the hallway parted like the Red Sea but the stares suffocated my every step. I suppressed a bitter laugh remembering that people used to be intimidated by me. By my mere presence. It was safe to say that that had gone all to hell the second I stepped out of Edward's car this morning. Now all everyone saw was a teen mom. A fuck-up.

Hour after godforsaken hour, I pretended that I didn't hear the whispers not that I felt the stares. I would not allow anyone in this school, in this stupid town, the satisfaction of my shame. With my head held high, I walked to each of my classes as though I was blissfully oblivious to those around me.

I took a deep breath before I opened the door and face what was waiting for me. School had been particularly draining lately, both physically and emotionally, and while I never dreaded coming home, I knew tonight was different. Normally, I took the time to make a nice meal for Charlie and I, usually coinciding with what I was craving, but tonight Charlie had been insistent on me not cooking. He surprised me this morning with an offer to order in tonight, an offer had left me wondering what the occasion was. Especially when he asked me if there was something that I was feeling like. That was when I knew he was buttering me up for something.

Yes, Charlie had been supportive, but I told him I could take care of myself. Usually if there was anything that I was feeling like or anywhere I needed to go, I did it alone. Doctor's appointments included. It felt like I had to do it alone, to prepare myself for what being a parent alone would be like. Besides, it gave me time to think.

More than that, I felt that I owed it to Charlie to take care of him. I owed him that for all of his support. The least I could do was make sure he didn't eat steak and fries every night. Charlie insisted that I didn't, but honestly, I didn't mind taking cooking or cleaning. There was something about doing household chores, doing those monotonous, mundane tasks that created a normalcy I'd always craved but never had.

But I feared tonight was not going to be one of those normal, quiet nights.

"I'm home," I called, dropping my bag on the couch.

"Kitchen," Charlie responded. I placed my keys in the dish on the table. I sighed in exhausted relief when I sat down at the kitchen table. "Don't you think you're getting a little too...far along to be driving?"

My eyebrows furrowed, not realizing that I had to give up my source of independence. "Do I have to stop driving?"

"It can make driving riskier, Bells," Charlie sighed.

"I didn't know that," I murmured, once again feeling incompetent at my lack of knowledge.

"Maybe if you told your mother, she'd tell you these things," Charlie mumbled.

I rolled my eyes, while adjusting myself on the chair. "Don't start, Dad. Renee's off in her own little world, she made it very clear that I was no longer welcome."

"Either way, Bella. She should hear it from you." He took a moment to think about his next words, so it was that type of night. A night of careful, calculated, and heavy conversations. "And I don't think I like you calling her Renee. She's your mother, kiddo."

"Maybe when she acts like it, I'll call her that," I huffed.

Charlie turned his head and narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Now what does that mean?"

"Nothing. Did you want me to order the pizza?" Before he responded, I heaved myself up and went to go call the restaurant.

"Sure, but this conversation's not over," he called from the kitchen.

And as soon as I put my phone down, Charlie's eye flickered from me to the chair, silently telling me to take a seat. I sighed but went back to my previous seat. "Like I was saying, I just think your mother should maybe be involved in some of the decision making processes- provide insight that I can't."

I crossed my arms and leaned back. I already knew that there was a lot of valuable insight that my mother could provide, I also knew that she didn't care enough about me to break away from her life to impart that wisdom. She washed her hands of me, there was no doubt about that. I hadn't received a single means of communication from my mother, and I wasn't going to beg her to play an active role in my life. "She's never cared about the decisions I made before, there's no reason to think she's changed her mind now," I muttered.

"That's the second time you've said something like that, Bella. What does that mean?" Charlie demanded, looking confused as to why I kept slighting my mother.

"Nothing," I whispered. What could I tell him? That I'd taken care of Renee most of my life? He knew that. Even at my worst, I'd been the one grocery shopping, making sure she stayed fed. That she slept enough. That the bills were paid. That was all me. I did all of that and when I'd come to her telling her I was uncomfortable around her new husband, she dismissed me. She told me I just didn't know him. She'd always taken his side. There was no reason to think that she wouldn't do the exact same thing now. And that was even if I told her that her husband was the father of my child.

"I've got all night." He leaned himself back in the kitchen chair. "I need to know if there's a reason that you aren't telling your mother that she's going to be a grandmother in a few months?"

"Like she'd take on being a grandmother," I scoffed. "She washed her hands of being a mom pretty quickly."

"You know it wasn't like that. She just wanted what was best for you."

Despite many years of being divorced, Charlie always saw the best in Renee. Sometimes I was positive that he was still in love with her. I liked to believe that Charlie honestly believed that Renee just wanted the best for me. I withheld the urge to roll my eyes knowing I wasn't going to win this conversation. "Alright, Dad. I'll figure out how to tell her. Anything else?"

"Actually, yes." I resisted the urge to bang my head on the table or against the wall, only because I was unsure if that could potentially hurt the baby. I was pretty sure that it wouldn't, but apparently I was a baby and pregnancy dummy.

"We just want to have all of the difficult conversations tonight, huh?" I laughed humorlessly.

"We're on a bit of a time constraint, remember?" If that had been anyone else, I probably would have been mildly offended.

I sighed, understanding what Charlie was trying to tell me. The baby would be here in two months regardless if I was prepared or not. "Alright, next topic?"

He took a deep breath. "What about the baby, Bella?"

"What about the baby?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose and took another deep breath. "Are you considering adoption? Do you want to keep the baby? You need to have a plan."

My heart stuttered. I knew the question had been hanging in the air lately, but it didn't change how unprepared I felt for it. My eyes got glassy and I kept my mouth shut for fear of sobbing.

"Wait, don't cry, Bells," he panicked a little bit. Then reached across the table to squeeze my hand. "I'm not trying to upset you, I just want you to be prepared for whatever comes next."

"I don't know what to do, Dad," I half-whispered, half-cried.

"Then we'll figure it out."

The door rang and he went to go grab the pizza. By the time he came back, I'd mostly composed myself enough to try to have an actual conversation. I'd only taken a few bites when I put the slice down. "How did you know you were ready to be a dad?"

He chuckled. "I didn't. I had never been around a kid a day in my life. I never told Renee this, but I was freaking out the entire time she'd been pregnant. But when I saw you, I just knew. Kinda like a sixth sense."

"You just knew," I mumbled. As endearing as that was, it wasn't helpful. What if I never had that sixth sense? I never wanted to make a child feel like the way I felt most of my childhood, unwanted, a last burdening remnant from a marriage and divorce they both wanted so badly to forget, at least Renee had made me feel that way. I'd just assumed that Charlie felt that way too since I only saw him a few weeks out of the year. I was coming to learn that that assumption was not true.

"Look, I know things weren't perfect in Phoenix with you, but I also know that Renee is incapable of taking care of herself. Always has been. And I know you didn't...behave the way she wanted you to, but I also know that you took care of her until Phil stepped in," I suppressed the urge to cringe at his name. "You've practically been a mother your entire life. Now, if you want to put the baby up for adoption because you don't think you can give the kid the best life possible, then we'll look into adoption. But if you want to keep this baby and you think what's best for them is to be taken care of by their own mother, then there's not a doubt in my mind that you can do it."

"I don't even have a job. Or a place to stay."

"Who's kicking you out? It's been me alone all these years, I've been wanting a fuller house for years. And Renee told me you had some money saved up?"

"Yeah, I do."

"I've been meaning to ask you about that she said it may not have been legally acquired?" He raised his eyebrow. I wanted to laugh and roll my eyes, but from what it looked like Charlie was being completely serious. I wondered what Renee's theories were about how I'd gotten that money.

"Am I talking to the Chief or my father?" I withheld the urge to laugh.

"That's not funny," he scolded. "Now are you going to tell me or not?"

"Alright, alright," I acquiesced. I leaned in as much as my bump would allow me to. "The way I made that money...was by helping some people with homework."

Charlie sighed in relief. "Just homework?"

I shrugged. "Homework, papers. I know she told you I missed a lot of school, well when I wasn't at school I was still being pretty productive. With the private school a few blocks from my school, it was an easy way to make good money."

His head went back and forth as he weighed my words. "Not entirely ethical, but I'll take it- Wait, you're not doing that here in Forks, right?"

"No, of course not." It was the truth. I didn't get a chance to establish myself before I realized I was pregnant.

"Least I got a smart kid," he laughed. "You'll think about what we talked about?"

I nodded, my mood plummeting after the reminder.

"Have you decided yet?" Edward asked as we sat on the couch at my house. Of course he would bring this up only a few days after Charlie did. It seemed that was the question on everyone's mind. Mine included. What was I going to do? I think deep down I already had my answer, I was just too much of a coward to speak the words.

"Have you and my father been talking?" He turned his head in confusion. I rolled my eyes and turned my eyes back to the TV, "Never mind."

"So have you?"

"Thought I got out of that one for a second," I snarked, pausing the TV and finally turning to look at Edward. "Anyway, no."

The silence was palpable.

"Edward, is it wrong to think about how the baby will affect us?" I gestured between the two of us. "How it'll impact my life?"

He stopped to think. "I don't think so. I think it's smart, responsible to think about how a baby will change your life. And with us? It won't. You'll always have me, I promise."

"You don't think you'll change your mind once the baby's here?"

"No I don't," he declared confidently.

"You've heard that saying right?" I asked, trying to get him to understand what a baby would actually mean. Trying to prepare him, and myself, for how much it would change everything. "It takes a village. How can I actually go into this, knowing I'll go into it alone?"

"But you're not. You've got me, you've got Charlie." And he stopped realizing that there was no one else on that list.

"I don't think that qualifies as a village, Edward."

"Stop thinking about everything else for a second," he grabbed my hand. "What do you want to do? What do you think is best for the baby?"

I couldn't bring myself to say the words. What if I was wrong? What if my baby was better off with 2 parents? With two stable incomes and emotional stability? My baby deserved the world and in this world, in my world, it was just me. Me with more issues than I could ever deal with. As more and more questions entered my mind and the more apparent it became that I didn't have the answers to those questions, I did the only thing I knew how to do: suppress and compartmentalize.

EPOV

Upset only minutes ago, things took an unexpected turn when Bella climbed into my lap. "What are you doing-"

She silenced me with a kiss. It was demanding, aggressive. It was completely unlike her, it wasn't her at all.

"Bella, stop." I pulled away. She reeled me right back in. As her hands raked through my hair, mine found her waist.

"Shh...it's fine," she assured me, gripping my hair even tighter. For a few minutes, I believed her. But then she started unbuttoning my shit, and I remembered that it wasn't. She was upset and I didn't want us to take that next step out of anger and confusion.

"Bella, we need to stop," I groaned, knowing where this was going.

"No, we don't."

I pulled away again. She started kissing her way down my jaw and neck. I shuddered and as much as I wanted to keep going, I started making my way off of the couch. This wasn't right, I mentally chanted. She was telling me what she thought I wanted to hear.

"Where are you going?"

I started re-buttoning my shirt and stood several feet away from her to calm myself down. "I told you we needed to stop."

"But we don't," she snapped.

I took a seat across from her on the coffee table and rubbed her arms, that were now covered in goosebumps, up and down. "Can you talk to me, B? Please? Tell me what's going on in that pretty little head."

She wrapped her arms around me and started quietly sobbing into my shoulder. I wasn't sure why she was crying, but I wanted to make it better in any way that I could, so I held onto her even tighter. I wasn't sure how long she'd been crying or how long I'd been holding her, but eventually the sob turned to muffled tears and through the tears, she whispered, "I want to keep this baby, Edward. So badly, but what if I can't do this?"

I shushed her, while rubbing her back and letting her cry. "You can do this, B. I know you can," I whispered into her hair over and over.

Hello, friends!

Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Please, please, please review and let me know you are thinking!

The last couple of chapters have been very fluffy, very lighthearted, and that is intentional. I don't want to give anything away, but just remember that Bella has been suppressing and compartmentalizing every single ugly emotion she has had for the last 5 years. She has a lot to deal with and it was important to me that she actually address those issues instead of being like 'Oh, I'm in love everything's okay now'. That's now how life works, unfortunately. There is more to come, so just hang on!

Thanks and I'll see you very soon!