Chapter 17:
Rose ached for Jack again, to just be near to him and despite everything she closed the gap between them both and crushed her body to his, pulling at him when her lips closed across his own and melted in a way they never had before.
Jack could feel himself losing control, even more than he had before and he didn't know how to stop it. He wasn't strong enough to. She fell against his body and he used his weight to hold her up. The kiss was like nothing she had felt before. She knew in that moment that she would never go back to Cal. Not now, or ever. Jack was the person who she needed; with the type of kiss she had read about with a racing heart in story books, the ones which set your stomach fluttering. If she was stupid to give up an engagement for fairy tale feelings then so be it.
Beneath it all though, as Jack kissed her, she felt the urgency of his tenderness. The way in which his fingers seemed to tickle and search about her face and hair as though looking for something. She was breathless when he pulled away from her lips and feather lightly pressed his lips to the sensitive spot just beneath her chin, then her neck. The bruises which Cal had left before were unnoticed for the moment, but still as she recalled that night, another painful memory hit her as well. She roughly grabbed his shirt collar to push him away.
''Jack, ''she paused, ''I couldn't stop picturing you with her.''
Rose could feel her body pulling him but with the same hand pushing him away as she fought with such images and then there were the feelings which she had for him. Time hadn't healed any of it, just made her want him more. She had ached for him, even since seeing him with Cara and it had only grown stronger until this precise moment. Now, it was a huge longing. One which was causing what felt like a physical wound and she didn't know why. Didn't know one could long so often, so badly or painfully.
''I know. I can't take any of it back. I wish I could. I wanted you.'' Jacke hung his head. He felt his own eyes starting to moisten. Even if his own stupid mistake lost him Rose, he would deal with that in his own way but he still wanted to take her away from here, to get her away from everything which she didn't deserve to be near.
''I know that now.'' Rose whispered. This was where everything was making sense. She too, had not been an innocent party. She had kissed another, tried to submerge herself into the relationship with Cal to forget Jack but now she knew that she never could. How could she when her life had changed so much since she had met Jack. Her feelings for him were so raw. So unique.
Jack squeezed his own eyes closed. ''I just-I love you.'' He whispered. She then, in turn saw his vulnerable side and suspected that he had never said those words to another girl before in his life. He was worn down and had fought so hard for her and she had seen that. She saw the longing in his eyes. The need for them both to gain some kind of relief.
''I know that, too.'' Rose smiled, shyly. How could she not know when everything he had done for her could prove that? Jack Dawson wasn't like any other that she had known, and she had to allow him the one mistake.
''You do?''
''Yes. Perhaps I knew all along, when you came to sit outside and wait for me.''
''You should have known when I got you out the diner that first day,'' Jack smiled, recalling a day which felt so long ago. So alien. So lonely.
''Whatever it occured, I just know that it is true.''
''It is. I love you.''
Those were the words Rose needed to hear. If he wasn't going to offer any hesitation then neither was she. He grabbed her hand and tightly threaded his fingers through hers, squeezing them and kneading them in a way which felt intimate
''Don't let me go.'' Rose whispered. ''I just couldn't bare it again.''
''I never did let you go.'' Jack smiled, he was so hesitant with her. He didn't know what she needed him to do but then she led his hand to her waist.
Jack snaked his fingers to her hips, feeling her gentle curves beneath her dress. Rose turned so that his hand trailed to her stomach and her back pressed against his own stomach, feeling his breath across her neck. She could feel the warmth which burnt against her as she tried to not move even slightly when he moved her hair to one side and trailed kisses all the way around her neck so gently. She shivered, feeling her whole body numb and tingle all over. Slowly, she turned around, taking in just how much he cherished her. Their eyes never left each other's, and slowly, they found themselves to be leaning in to kiss.
A kiss which seemed to seal their fate; passionate and only a taste of what was to come next. Rose felt his hands on her waist and he seemed to massage her hips through the dress. She dragged her hands through his hair and then stopped for a moment. He ran his index finger over her shoulder before turning her around to face the door as he slowly found he was unbuttoning the back of her dress. It was risky. It was nerving but it was a natural reaction to their body's own state.
There seemed to be so many buttons, his fingers worked slowly, taking his time with each just in case she turned so tell him not to, but she never did. Ros closed her eyes and placed the palm of her hand against the door for support as the dress landed in a pool at her feet. Next, he found his hand lingering near her bra. He was so hesitant, his hand shaking. This was something which he had never felt before; it felt as though he shouldn't be doing this but there was nothing stopping them, he searched her eyes for an answer or a warning but there wasn't one.
Should he be patient? It was difficult on her feelings. On his emotions. Trying to understand just how to work through the mass of nerves, the way his heart had numbed and suddenly, everything was so ripe and raw.
He did love her. God, he did.
Rose felt her breathing so ragged as she placed her left hand on her chest to attempt to calm her racing heart. It wasn't as though she was naked; she was wearing her underwear, for now. She turned her back to him and he began to trace circles around her back, moving her hair. He found his way to her bra and his fingers played with the hook.
Everything about this moment was what Jack had gone over in his head, in his dreams and yet now it was happening, he felt very undeserving. He could feel his uneven breathing as she turned to face him. Her curls cascading down her shoulders, wearing just her underwear with her hands around her chest area to keep the garment from falling to the floor. He had unhooked it. She glanced to him and gave him a small smile, almost shyly. He stepped towards her not exactly knowing why; just feeling he had to be close to her. She was nothing short of perfect, and he couldn't even begin to explain the feelings which exploded inside his stomach.
''Don't hide yourself from me.''
''But, I have never been naked before another man before.''
She lowered her lashes before their eyes met and interlocked and silence fell upon them for several seconds, both of them feeling their heart pound.
''You don't have to expose anything. We don't have to-''
''-I want to. I want you to.''
Suddenly, Jack could take no more; he had to kiss her, and be close to her. Her completely vulnerable state seemed to cause both affection and anger within him, knowing just that Cal would have caused some of the imperfect thoughts which Rose had about herself. Jack pulled her body towards his and their lips met. It was soft, wonderfully tender and there was a passion about it. This time it was felt more than it had been before. Rose kept one hand over her bra and placed her other around his waist and Jack touched her face as he kissed her, making her nerves flutter. Neither of them knew what this would lead to, it was as if something had exploded inside both of them and all they wanted was the other.
Jack kissed Rose's neck breathlessly, again and it was there, he found that sensitive spot but then, she pushed him away slightly, Jack looked at her, a look of confusion on his face. He thought he had moved too fast, but she ran her hand up his shirt and began to unbutton his shirt slowly one by one with the one hand she wasn't using to hold her bra. He shivered, looking downwards and swallowing heavily, in disbelief of her Once his shirt was unbuttoned, she ran her hand across his bare chest and stomach. His muscles were tight from the work which he had done over the summer and he had a little hair, here and there but he was tanned and beautiful and she wanted him to know that.
''I have never seen a man without a shirt and I can never imagine seeing another like it again now.''
Jack wished to laugh, at her endearing compliment in such a naïve way but he couldn't, feeling how he swelled with such love at the doey gaze which she gave him.
''I hope that you mean that.''
''Of course I do.''
Jack pulled Rose to him and she removed her hand from her bra and allowing her arms to slip out of it before pressing her naked chest against Jack's. He wrapped his arms around her keeping their torsos pressed together; feeling the bare flesh of her against him and the intimacy which came with it.
Pressing Rose back against the wall, he kissed her again, she ran her fingers through his hair. She could feel cold shivers running down her back as he kissed her neck before slowing the kiss down as they caught their breathes. His tongue began to play with hers with a slight gasp, she responded to him.
Allowing his hand to slip down, he softl ran across the top of her exposed breasts and his heart was racing as he glanced downwards. Jack's eyes seemed to avoid hers, slipping away to stare at the ground. He didn't look at her naked; he daren't. His fingertips glided along the back of her leg, causing Rose to sigh. The noise seemed to stop him. His eyes came up to look at her face where saw the warm smile on her face caused him to melt. Her lips were parted slightly, inviting him to kiss her and then he caught her mouth once again and this time she knew he wouldn't stop kissing her. He managed to lift her into his arms and carry her to the bed. He lay on top of her and their lips hadn't parted until he got onto his knees to remove her stockings and undergarments. She felt so exposed to him and there was something so beautiful about it. His eyes twinkled in the dim light and she knew that he felt something too. Compared to any other time he had been with a woman, this was the most intimate. He had never felt anything like it in his life. This was the sort of thing which you heard about or saw in movies.
Rose watched as he unbuttoned his trousers and kicked them off. She held her breathe as he removed his undergarments. And there he was, naked before her. He was perfect and she wasn't afraid anymore. She was his.
In an instant Jack was on top of her, his mouth on hers. She felt his tongue dive deep into her mouth as tiny fiery threads ran down her spine. His hands were rough as he pulled her legs up against his sides. Hot desperate lips found her breasts and then his hands gripped them. This was what she had wanted for so long. Cal's body wasn't meant to do what Jack could. She could never marry him now, never allow him to touch her like this. This was the only time she knew she would feel like this. She clung to him so tightly, pulling at his hair, his skin and not opening her eyes for fear it would be the end of a dream. Was this what it was supposed to feel like? To be completely absorbed into another person, one who she loved deeply. Jack tenderly touched her hair as it spread on the pillow around her face. He stopped kissing her just long enough to find her eyes.
''I can't let you go back to him, Rose.'' He whispered. ''Not after all of this. You have become inprintd within my soul.''
Rose felt her chest rise and fall heavily, the weight of a man atop her was wonderfully new. ''I don't want him. I will never return.''
Jack pressed himself against her and she closed her eyes for a moment. ''We can't go back after this.''
''I know. And I know that it will hurt.''
Rose moved her head to one side and nuzzled her face into his neck. She smelled him, so intoxicated in every way; wrapped about him in every single way.
''It's just us now.'' Rose whispered into the crook of his head, but he was still able to hear. And she meant it.
She nibbled his neck in places before sucking slightly, causing the areas to darken but it was enough for him to nudge forward and in a second, she enveloped him and they were one. Her suckling grew desparate, her teeth digging into his flesh as he worked through the restrictions of her virginity but soon enough, it died down, just slightly.
Jack opened his eyes for a moment and came face-to-face with Rose. He saw that her lips were swollen. They curved into a smile before he moved his mouth to kiss her once again. Gone, was the girl who had shunned him at the grill just weeks before. This was the girl who he had fallen in love with. He knew that he couldn't leave her now. He loved her.
Jack continued to make love to her. To erase everything which Cal had ever done and replaced it with nothing but love.