Chapter 18:

Daylight streamed through the windows, which told Rose that morning had come quicker than she wished for it to. She turned to see Jack on his back, his lips slightly parted and his naked body exposed. She took a second to run her eyes down his body for she had never seen a naked man in daylight before. She couldn't help but study him, and memories of the night before came back. She kissed his chest just once and he stirred a little. There was a beautiful intimacy which came from sleeping beside a man in such a state; no wonder this was meant to be saved for those who woke up the morning after their wedding and bathed in the delight of making love for the first time.

But Rose wasn't married. Jack wasn't her husband. But she had given herself to him, fully and without any type of regret. Rose felt herself smiling without reason for the first time in so long. She hopped from the bed to grab the shirt which Jack was wearing the evening before and she slipped it on and buttoned the first few buttons leaving her stomach exposed. It smelt of him and she loved that. Why couldn't all mornings be like this? She then sat on the edge of the bed and ran her hands up Jack's chest so gently. It was smooth to touch and she didn't want to stop touching him. There was an ache in her stomach which told her that he had to leave; that it was risky that they had even fallen asleep together.

''Rose?'' Jack opened one eye and then the other, to see that she was actually sat on the bed next to him. She grinned at his sleepy state.

''Good morning.''

Jack entwined his fingers with hers and gripped them so tightly as though checking his grip on reality.

''I thought that I had dreamt last night.'' Jack sat upright still feeling sleepy. ''Or that maybe you'd kicked me out.''

Rose laughed, shaking her head. ''You're far too big for me to kick out by myself. Besides, I was too used to laying within your arms afterwards.'' She glanced about the room, feeling reality set in. Feeling the walls suddenly return to their original state; her own gilded cage in which she would sit by herself. ''No, Jack. I'm happy.'' Then, she smiled. Jack touched her face with his left hand and then remembered all of their lovemaking from the night before. It had been the most wonderful and intense experience for both of them. They had shared their bodies with each other completely. The nervous feeling fluttered in her stomach again. She kissed him and he pulled her to him and they fell backwards with Rose on top of him.

Jack moved her hair from her neck before he found a dark purple bruise. His face fell serious and she caught sight of it. ''Whatever is the matter?''

''Your neck...'' Jack touched the spot which was sore. His gentle fingers running over it, she flinched, recalling that she, too had caused a deep bruise on Jack's neck when he had entered her for the first time.

''Did I do that to you?''

Rose tore his hand away quickly forgetting the bruises which Cal had left her with. ''No, no.''

Jack narrowed his eyes. ''I didn't do, that did I?'' He whispered. She moved to the side of him on the bed.

Rose shook her head. She felt guilty. She didn't want him to see the marks which Cal had left on her body just the night before Jack had taken her into his bed. He grasped her hair with both of his hands moving it to one side and studied the red marks. He gently ran his finger over them and she winced from the pain. It wasn't terribly painful, it was like a pinch. He had left her so sore. She felt her body ache but not the way Cal made her feel. Cal had sucked at her, pulled at her and tried his best to get her into bed. She had refused him once more and it had caused the bruises. The ones which by night were completely forgotten about.

''Jack...it was Cal...we...''

Jack dropped her hair back around her shoulders. ''I know Rose.'' He placed his finger to her lips. ''I know. You don't have to explain anything to me.''

Rose squeezed her eyes closed. ''I'm sorry. He kissed me before he left, too. But he never-'' Rose blushed for a moment, unable to say the words that she wanted to. ''He never touched me, like you.''

Rose ran his hands up and down her arms in an attempt to soothe her. She felt guilty for trying with Cal, the stupid few times which she had kissed him back had no doubt planted seeds in his mind that when he returned, with him thinking that Rose would be inviting him into her bed. She wasn't. ''Rose, he hurts you, doesn't he? Still.'' Jack knew that he did, he just needed Rose to tell him so herself. Needed to hear the words for himself, just once.

''Tell me.''

Rose took a deep breath and sat herself on the bed. ''Cal has always been so...'' She couldn't finish before her voice broke. ''I have always failed to be the perfect wife-to-be for him.''

Rose wiped away her tears feeling so exposed to Jack. More so than the evening before when she had lay naked before him and so openly shared herself with him. He touched her face and his eyes pierced her soul so deeply. ''Rose, you shouldn't be like that. He shouldn't hurt you in such a way.''

''I know that, now, but before last night, I wasn't sure that I truly did. Making love isn't something I received an education on and how a woman should feel about it. The little snippets I did hear was that it was to be pleasurable for a man and usually lasts a few minutes in order to consummate a marriage and then to create a child.''

Rose's tears stopped as soon as he wiped them again and the desperation to kiss him built up within her once again. She touched his chest for a second, he closed his eyes and she knew he was fighting between the seriousness of the conversation and damn urges to make love to her again.

''No, that isn't the way of it.'' Jack told her softly. ''I am sorry we maybe should have talked about it before it happened, but sex isn't just for that purpose. A woman can feel pleasure; or I hope you did.''

Rose raised her eyes to his, feeling a blush rise. ''Yes.''

''And, I think we managed longer than a few minutes.''

Rose smiled, nodding in agreement. ''Yes, we did.''

''And, we were not consummating a marriage and there is no way that we could have created a child last night, because I was taking care of that. I respect you far too much to do that.''

Rose opened her mouth to speak but then realised that she fully understood what Jack was saying. He had answered all of her questions in one single sentence. Now, she was left feeling the need for him again.

''And you knew that it would hurt, just a little, to start with.''

''You didn't hurt me, Jack. No more than I anticipated. You are the first man to make love to me.'' She whispered. ''It's all right to want more.''

Jack let out a huge breath before kissing her once again. It was full of intensity; the desperation to cling to each other's body as though their lives depended on it. Within seconds, her naked body was pressed against his and her nails dug into his bare back as she struggled to fight her feelings once more.

''I don't want to hurt you, doing this again.'' Jack whispered in her ear.

''You won't.'' Rose held onto his shoulders. Her nose buried into his neck and then he leant up on his elbows before moving the hair from her neck and with unspoken permission from just one look he kissed each mark which Cal had made on her body. She moved her neck to the right and he kissed all the way down to her chest. He needed to paint over these bruises, the scars and to start a fresh. He needed to heal them and he knew that he could do that. He just needed her permission.

''Leave him, Rose.'' He urged. ''Leave him for me.''

Rose didn't say anything as she was too lost in the serene moment but she knew in her heart that she was going to do as he said. She had to.

It was almost an hour later before Rose had dressed herself the best she could and stood beside the door listening for any sign of life within the house yet. Jack sighed; he knew that he would have to go sooner or later. This was the part which he was dreading. The part which made him ponder whether or not the reality would be a happy one once he left the house.

''The house will be up soon.'' Rose glanced at the clocked on the wall. It was 6.30am. The hired staff would be at least. ''They will come to mend the linens and draw the curtains.''

''It is still early yet, but I will go before anyone could even think that I have been here.'' Jack came to her, his hand at her waist. ''Rose, listen I...'' She silenced him by placing her fingers on his lips.

''Shh, I know what you are going to say.'' Rose diverted her eyes from his. She needed to get through today. To gain the confidence and the strength to mentally deal with what had transpired between the both of them, for it had already changed her beyond measure.

''Leave this house. With me. I want you.'' Jack urged. He needed her now more than ever. He had fallen in love with her and he couldn't allow her to marry another man.

''I know.'' She smiled, tenderly. The fact that she was so wanted by him made her feel as though she could do anything. Perhaps she even had the strength to leave him. ''I want to. I just need to speak to my mother.''

Jack gave her a worried glance, but she softened it out. ''I will come by the Grill. I promise.''

Jack nodded. ''All right.'' All he could do was have full faith in her.

''My heart isn't in leaving you here.''

''My heart doesn't want you to leave.''

Jack was dressed and had just finished lacing up his boots. He was tired and ached so badly but he couldn't help but want her more. Rose opened the balcony door and hoped that no one was about to see him leave. She glanced and saw the street was empty. Not many people would be up this early. At least not on her street, perhaps they would be during the hustle and bustle of the town centre but that was a walk away.

''I will see you later.'' Jack kissed her, so softly. She hesitated in him leaving but she knew that he must. If he was found here then she would dread to think what would happen. Jack climbed over the side of the balcony and he was gone in a second. It was almost as though his existence within her room had all been a dream. A damned good dream. As she came down from the clouds, just for a minute, a knock sounded at the door. A loud one.

''Miss Rose?''

Rose was startled. This was an earlier wakeup call than usual. It was Trudy, her personal maid. She scurried to the door, hiding the fact that she had spent the night making love to a man who wasn't her fiancé.

''Yes.''

Trudy curtseyed as Rose opened the door. ''Your mother requests your presence at breakfast by 7am sharp.''

''Very well. I am already dressed, Trudy, so perhaps, we can just fix my hair if you could.''

Downstairs, about a half an hour later, coffee was poured, strong and hot; just how Rose liked it. Her head was in a dreamlike state, away from her body. Jack consumed everything. Ruth poured her own tea, weaker than usual. Rose could sense something was different about her mother. When she had called breakfast an hour earlier than usual, Rose had presumed something was the matter, but it turned out to be the opposite. Ruth's smile was beaming.

''Cal telephoned last night after you retired to bed.'' She told her daughter.

Rose raised her eyebrows. ''Oh, what a shame I missed his call.'' She tried to sound as enthusiastic as she could.

''Yes. Well. The house is sold. To us.''

Ruth beamed. Her lips curved into a smile for the first time in so long. Rose couldn't help but feel that this was her return to reality. At least whilst they were silent, she could still think of Jack.

''That is wonderful news.'' Rose faked a smile. She stared into her coffee which was almost black. That was how she felt.

''When is Cal due to return home?''

''Tomorrow or the day after. It is dependent on a business meeting.''

Rose nodded. ''Well, we can do nothing but wait for his return before we do anything.''

Ruth sipped her tea. ''Oh, I have a realtor to look at the house this morning. Ethan has helped with such things. The house will be going on the market this afternoon.''

Rose watched her Mother take a bite of her toast and she looked at the food around her. Her appetite had completely disappeared. ''Oh Mother, is Ethan well?''

''Yes, why would be not be?''

That told Rose that her mother knew nothing of the fight which took place. Rose quickly thought of an excuse to not be around while he was there. The last thing which she needed was to see him, she was displeased by his presence around her anyway which her mother already knew.

''Perhaps I could go to the library, search for the New York guide whilst I am there. I will need to know all there is to know about the City we will be living in. Also, I would like to find some new dresses for my trip.''

''Oh, Rose, we can go tomorrow to do that.''

Rose pressed her lips together, failing to convince her Mother. ''I would like to go today. If Cal does return tomorrow, I should like to look refreshed.''

Ruth watched her daughter. This sudden change in personality was good for her. The fact that her daughter wished to shop alone, to do things to please her husband to be was delightful. Ruth's eyes fell on Rose's hand.

''Good God! Where is your engagement ring?''

Rose looked at her finger. She had taken it off right before Jack had arrived. She stroked her hand over the finger, it did look bare. But that was how it should have been. ''I took a bath; I wish to not damage the diamond.'' She lied.

''Well, put it back on at once.'' Ruth bought her lie. ''God knows what would happen if Cal caught you without it on.''

''Yes, mother.'' Rose returned to her coffee and the dream like state of mind, for now at least.