Okay, this chapter is long even by my standards - I apologize! Try to bear with me.
Some smut here, but not all smut - so if you're not into that, just skip that part.
Thanks to all the new readers! I've gotten a bunch of new followers in a couple of days, and I thank you all so much. Please, if you like this fic, consider writing a review also. It would totally make my day!
Sam lay on his bed, his long denim-covered legs crossed at the ankles, his arms behind his head - and daydreamed about Stanford.
It had been a constant dream of his for years and had brought him comfort in times when every other aspect of his life had felt hopeless. It had given him the motivation to keep studying hard, no matter how many times they moved, no matter how many times he had to start over in a new school - he had always found the strength to keep on, to stay up late doing homework, to push through hard times, for he knew there was a reward in the end. That someday he would have a new life in a new place where no one knew anything about his past, that he would get to study in a university and finally, finally, get that normal, safe life he had always dreamt about.
But now that dream had changed, like everything in his life had changed since he'd met Jackie. Now he wasn't gonna go to Stanford alone - he was going to go with her.
It wasn't only the studies he dreamt of nowadays.
They had agreed to start looking for a place to live. Just the thought of it made Sam's heart skip beats. To live with her. To sleep in the same bed with her every night, to breathe in her scent of roses and cinnamon, to feel her naked body under the sheets next to him, her tiny waist, the curve of her hip-
Sam groaned at the thought.
How he was going to get any sleep like that, was beyond him.
They hadn't made love since the incident with the golem and he was feeling the need with every fiber of his body. First Jackie had been too sore, and the next day Joe had appeared in their room early in the morning and forced Jackie to go to Alaska with her - to have 'a serious sisterly talk' and a full medical check. And to make sure she could really rest, that Sam wouldn't ravish her (Joe's words, not his).
That had been two days ago, and Sam hadn't seen Jackie since - which felt like someone had carved out the marrow of his bones and stuffed them with burning coals.
Her absence was all he could think about.
It was a physical pain that he almost couldn't endure, that would've most likely driven him mad had she not called him this morning and promised to come home today.
And Sam knew just what he was going to do to her when she returned. If she felt up to that, of course - no ravishing of any kind.
Not unless she wanted it…
That led Sam's trail of thoughts to one night of insane passion they had shared - to that blissful afterglow of their lovemaking when they had lain side by side on this very bed and she had asked if he had any fantasies he wanted to try out with her.
He hadn't, nothing specific. Nothing he could put into words.
"What about you? Anything you want?" He had asked her. And with that wicked grin that always made his heart skip beats she had replied: "I'd really like it if you tied me down and blindfolded me, babe. And then fucked me, real rough."
He hadn't been able to shake that image off his mind ever since. Jackie, tied down to his bed, all helpless, and—
And just as he was dreaming about the way he'd secure her slender wrists to the bedpost after ripping off her clothes, Jackie appeared in the room in a flash of light and shadows.
"Hey, gorgeous," she said with a smirk. "Thinking about me?"
Sam's cheeks flushed.
"Maybe." he ran his fingers through his hair and sat up.
Jackie was wearing a stylish little black dress and high heels, her hair was up and she wore jewelry that looked - well, expensive. She sure wasn't coming straight from Alaska.
"Where have you been?" he asked, watching how she kicked off her black stiletto heels, removed her heavy diamond earrings, and tossed them onto his desk.
She rolled her eyes.
"In Paris. Pain in the ass - I hate the French."
"Aren't you French yourself?"
"That's why I'm allowed to say that I hate them." She removed her diamond necklace and started taking pins off her hairdo, letting locks of her ginger mane fall to her back, to her shoulders.
That sight made something tighten in Sam's gut. He let his eyes wander to her waist, to the curve of her hip - the hem of the dress reached mid-thigh, revealing her slender legs, the shape of her thighs.
His mouth felt dry.
"And why do you hate them today?" he managed, forcing his eyes back to her face.
Jackie glanced at him,
"Those bastards killed my mom." she shrugged. "And I didn't get as much money from the dealer as I'd hoped. That greedy asshole."
"Did he buy everything, though?"
"Yeah," Jackie replied. "My safe is empty now. Except for my Angel Blade. That thing isn't for sale."
Sam made a satisfied nod. Jackie had promised to get rid of all the stolen items in her possession, and even if Sam would've preferred that she'd just taken them all back to their previous owners, Jackie had pointedly refused, telling him that it would be impossible because for the life of her she couldn't remember which thing had belonged to whom, and trying to find out would probably get her killed. So he was just happy that it was done, and that Jackie could now really start a new life, turn a fresh page.
A life with a lot fewer risks than the one she'd been living.
"And the Black Orlov?" he asked. "You got rid of that too?"
She made an annoyed sigh.
"Still working on that," she admitted. "The lady I stole it from is dead - a heart attack, I hear, don't ask. And Joe said that if I even tried to make her take it, she would cut off my head-"
"Nice."
"Yeah, she loves me. You can tell." Jackie rolled her eyes. "But the real problem is that the guy I was supposed to sell the diamond to, isn't happy at all. I've been trying to avoid his calls all day but he isn't giving up-"
"Then maybe you should just sell it to him," Sam said. "You know, just to be done with it."
"No, you were right before. It shouldn't be on the market - it's too dangerous. I'll think of something." Jackie replied, removing the final pins of her hair so that now all the strands of her shiny, red curls were free and fell to her shoulders.
Sam loved it when she kept her hair down. He loved to run his fingers through it, he loved to grab it when they made love - grab it hard, so that she gasped and moaned and begged for him to fuck her-
He cleared his throat. He really, really, needed to think about something else.
Jackie gave him a knowing grin.
"A penny for your thoughts." She said.
"Just thinking that you look awesome." He admitted. "I love it when you keep your hair like that."
"You're looking pretty nice too, handsome," Jackie replied. "I've been thinking about you all day long."
With those last words she had begun to open the buttons of her dress - a line of tiny, black buttons on the front and she opened them one by one, her fingers oh-so-agonizingly slow, and Sam couldn't take his eyes off them.
"You see," Jackie continued. The buttons were now open, and she untied the ribbons on her waist. "Visiting Paris always makes me mad. And horny."
She shook the dress off her, it fell to the floor on her feet. Sam's throat went dry.
Jackie was wearing a black, lace garter belt and stockings with a matching bra - but no panties.
No panties!
Did she go to do business in Paris wearing no panties?
He went hard so fast it almost hurt, and couldn't help the throaty groan as his erection pressed tight against the fabric of his jeans.
"You know how it is," Jackie said, walking closer to the bed where he was still sitting. "All those handsome French guys in their nice clothes, speaking French-"
Her hands were on his chest, she gave a gentle push and he lay down on the bed allowing her to climb on top of him, straddling him, and Sam's hands found their way to her waist - to feel that damn garter belt, the fine lace against her smooth skin.
"I can wear nice clothes," he said throatily. "If that turns you on."
"You turn me on. Clothes or no."
"Babe-" he started, but she kissed him and stole the rest of that sentence.
Her lips on his were pure fire, her tongue entered his mouth and Sam melted, his heartbeat was frantic in his chest and he gripped on her hips, easing his fingers under the garter belt. Her hair fell around their faces like a rose-scented veil, and with agonizing clarity, Sam felt her breasts, the erect nipples that brushed against his chest.
His heart was in his throat, he could hardly breathe. He had already been turned on by his daydreams, but now—
If he didn't get to fuck her soon, he would burst.
Jackie broke the kiss, her pupils dilated.
"Is Dean home?" she asked.
"Nope-"
"Good." she grinned. "Then I don't have to keep silent."
The promise those words held, made Sam almost lose control.
"Fuck, am I gonna make you moan." he groaned - and she made a surprised yelp as he rolled them around so that she was the one on her back, and he was hovering over her, his weight on his forearms, his hips pressing against her crotch.
He ground his jean-covered dick on her slickness, and she let out a soft moan - as if to prove her point of not going to stay quiet.
"Fuck, Sam-"
"I missed you so fucking bad." Sam dipped his head, kissing a trail down her neck, his tongue finding the sharp line of her collar bone - and as he greedily licked the hollow of her neck she sighed and moaned, her body arched up to meet his.
Jesus, it felt good! It had only been a couple of days, but he had missed this like Hell - her small, slender body on his hands, her scent of roses and cinnamon and arousal all around him. The way her chest heaved with shallow breaths as he pressed tight against her, the way her hips answered his moves, her lips parted-
He knew he could make her come just like this. Without even removing his jeans. Just grinding his cock against her clit, just like this, and she'd come like fireworks.
"Sam, I want you." she breathed, burying her fingers into his hair as he kissed her breasts, eased them off the black laced bra. "I need you, so bad. I've never wanted anyone like I want you-"
And he believed her.
No matter her past - he knew she'd had guys. Many guys. But who the fuck cared? Jackie was his now, and he knew how to kiss her, how to touch her so that she fucking melted under his touch. And if she said she had never had it this good-
Well, he was gonna prove her right.
His hungry lips found her nipples and she made a throaty cry of pleasure. His hands were rough on her skin, pinning her down on the bed, as he devoured her. The skin of her belly was so mind-blowingly soft, it tasted like salt and need and she was moaning now, her hands in his hair gripping tighter the closer he moved to her most sensitive parts.
"Let me hear you." he breathed, his lips now nibbling the bare skin of her inner thighs, just above the edge of her stocking. "I wanna hear how much you want me-"
"Fuck, Sam-" her voice was all weak - and Sam saw she was so wet already, so fucking wet for him - it blew his mind. Her scent of roses and cinnamon - was it a perfume, or did she naturally smell like that, he didn't know - mixed with the salty scent of her sex and Sam was so fucking turned on by it, burning already. His dick was so hard, aching in his jeans and he wanted nothing more than to rip off his clothes and just fuck her, just fucking shove his cock inside of her and make her come like an exploding star—
"Sam please-!"
Oh, how he loved it when she begged. When she was so completely his, her pleasure in his power to give or take.
He dipped his head and gave her what she was asking for.
"Christ!" her whole body jerked, her fingers gripped hard on his hair. "OhmygodSam-!"
His tongue stroked her slow and steady, his lips found the bundle of nerves that drove her nuts - and she was moaning, crying his name, shaking under his touch.
"Sam baby, yes, yes please, just like that-"
On their first night together, on this very same bed, she had shown him what she had called 'a few tricks every guy should learn' - and Sam, well, he wasn't a straight-A student for nothing. He had been paying attention, and now he gave it to her, just like she had shown him. He added a finger, then two into her slick heat - Christ, she was so damn tight - Sam almost came into his jeans feeling her walls clenching around his fingers.
She tasted like the ocean. Like sea and earth and air, like sex and need, such a primitive taste that it erased Sam's conscious mind. He was moaning as he licked her, needing to taste her more, taste her better, his tongue relentless on her clit, his fingers entering her again and again, and then he remembered to curl them, to change the angle just a bit, and-
"Sam, Gods-!" she came screaming.
Her fingers gripped his hair so that it almost hurt, as he buried his face to her crotch and worked her through her climax. The pulse of her insides around his fingers almost sent him over the edge too-
Fuck, not yet, not like this-
He pulled back, pulled his fingers out of her heat, his chest heaving, and wiped his face with a hand.
"Good?" he asked when she finally came to and opened her eyes to look at him.
"Fucking perfect."
"I'm not done with you yet."
He was pulling off his shirt now, stood up from the bed just to get all his clothes off, his jeans, the boxer shorts - they needed to go, now, for he was burning inside out. And as he hastily undressed, her eyes never left his - those dilated pupils, the otherworldly look in her green eyes. She looked so fucking good like that, in her sexy underwear, after the climax - her cheeks flushed, her hair a mess, her lips so red, all of her so blissful and relaxed.
He was gonna fucking ruin her tonight.
As his erection sprang free from the agony of his boxers, he groaned out loud. Jackie's eyes widened at the impressive sight, which was always a turn-on.
"How do you want it?" she purred. "Want me to suck you, babe?"
"Not now-" he was back on the bed already, crawling on top of her. "I need you, I fucking need you like this-"
Her legs wrapped around his waist, her arms around his neck and he was safe in the cradle of her body. Without another word, he pushed in - all slow, careful not to rush it, but damn, so fucking deep.
It blew his mind every time. That he actually fit inside of her. That she actually let him do this to her. To thrust his cock into her slick heat, so tight, so responsive-
"Fuck, Sam-" her voice by his ear was a throaty wail. "Shit, so good-!"
"You okay, babe?" he managed as he bottomed out, filling her completely.
"Need you to fuck me-"
He felt her words as a bolt of lightning through his core.
He began to move, slow, so fucking slow - all the way out and back in, feeling every inch of her perfect, hot insides with tormenting clarity and it was almost too much, he was so close, so turned on already, that it was a battle not to come, not to come, not to come, not yet-
He didn't want to cut it short.
Because she was moaning and sighing and shivering under him, her fingers gripping into the skin of his shoulder blades and he knew those sharp gasps that left her lips, he knew the way she was crying his name like it was a desperate prayer on her lips, like it was the only word that had any meaning at all.
He knew if he could just keep this up even for a few more minutes, she'd come again, and he so badly wanted to give it to her. He fucking loved it when she came on his cock. It was the best high ever.
"Sam please, Sam-" she moaned breathlessly, her body answering the rhythm he set. "Need more, need you to fuck me harder-!"
He groaned, buried his face into her neck, breathing in her scent of roses, clenching his fists for dear life.
"If I fuck you any harder, I'm not gonna last."
She wrapped her legs tighter around his waist, pulled him even closer.
"You want to come, babe?"
"Oh God-" he was hardly able to form words. "Gods, I can't hold it-"
"Then come, sweetie." she cupped his face and kissed him, sucked his lower lip into her mouth, and breathed into the kiss: "I want it so bad, just give it to me, come for me, hon-"
And he couldn't fight it.
"Fuck, Jackie-!"
Thrusting so deep into her, his hips slamming into her amazing slickness, the head of his aching cock hitting her cervix - he couldn't get any deeper, no, he couldn't but he still had to - oh shit, so deep into her, and oh God it felt so good, her lips on his, her hands in his hair, oh God, oh God, his thrusts turning erratic, and-
The orgasm hit him like a tsunami, crushing his heart against his ribs as all air left his lungs. It felt like dying, dying in the sweetest way, and he wanted this death, he wanted this fall into oblivion, his cum spurting out of him in waves that shuddered through his spine, through his whole being.
It took a moment to come to.
He was lying on top of her, her arms still around him, her sweat covered skin glued to his own, and he was being born again, his heart calming down, finding again its steady rhythm, as she kissed his cheeks, kissed his forehead, his lips, her small hands caressing his neck, the skin of his shoulders.
He hadn't known it could be like this.
That it wouldn't be anything like he had thought, that things he had heard from other guys, or seen in porn, they were nothing, they had nothing to do with this moment, with the way his blood sang when he lay in her arms.
"Is this always gonna be this awesome?" he managed, resting his forehead on hers. "Is it always gonna feel this good?"
"Yeah, babe." Her finger traced the line of his jaw. "It's always going to feel this good."
And he wanted to believe it, wanted it so bad, even if it probably was a lie.
"I… I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked, propping himself up on his elbows.
"No, hon. It was perfect."
With a final, gentle kiss - his lips brushing hers, she tasted like champagne and strawberry lip gloss - he pulled out and rolled off her.
"Where did that come from?" Jackie asked, after a short silence. "Not that I didn't enjoy it, but you were kinda wild."
Sam turned to look at her, the smile on the corner of her lips, her cheeks that were still blushed.
"Hadn't seen you in two days." he sighed. "I missed you."
"And I missed you."
"And, that outfit is kinda hot."
That made Jackie laugh, and she snuggled closer to him. She was still wearing the bra, the garter belt, and those damn stockings, and yeah, she looked hot as fuck. Sam was fully aware of the fact that he'd soon be all over her again.
"Then you should be glad that I went to Paris," she said with a smirk. "They sell the best lingerie."
"So I should be glad that you went there to do business without panties?" he groaned and wrapped an arm around her. "And to check out French dudes in their nice clothes."
"That was just a joke."
"I know," he replied, and it was true. He could hardly be jealous, not after the things they had just done. No matter how many hot French dudes she had met today - he was the guy she came home to. And that was all that mattered.
They lay silent for a while, Jackie's head on his shoulder, her hand resting on his chest and Sam knew they should get up, that they should get a shower and change the sheets, but he just couldn't force himself to get up. Not yet.
"Sam, there's something I need to talk to you about."
Jackie's voice startled him - it was suddenly serious.
"Is everything okay?" he asked, taking a look at her face. The smile that had been playing on her lips just moments ago, was now gone. Suddenly Sam was reminded of Joe's warnings, her fear that he would hurt Jackie, that he wouldn't let her heal-
He felt like the biggest idiot in the world.
"What is it? Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
"I'm fine. It's not that."
"Then what is it? Did I… do something wrong?"
That earned a small smile from Jackie.
"Everything you did was awesome." she assured him. "It's just...Can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
She was silent for a short while after that, worrying her lower lip with her teeth. Sam ran his fingers through her hair, waiting.
"Did… did something bad happen to you when you were small?"
Whatever he had been expecting, it sure wasn't this. He turned so that he could meet her green gaze.
"You mean besides my Mom being murdered?"
"I mean… the thing that killed her. Did he do something to you too? It happened in your nursery after all."
"Not that I know of. Why would you ask that?"
"It's just… I don't know. It's probably nothing. I just… I get this feeling sometimes. Like—"
"Like what?"
She looked up, her pupils were huge and dark, and Sam could've sworn he saw stars and galaxies in them.
"Like a demonic essence. Like a trace of something bad that happened."
Sam took in her words, the weight they carried.
A demonic essence.
"Are you saying it was a demon that killed my Mom?"
"I think it's possible."
"And you think that he did something to me too?"
"I don't know, I really don't. It's just that sometimes I can, like, almost sense it in you."
"Sense what? I don't understand—"
"That there was a demon near you, and he left something behind, something that still lingers on. Like his fingerprints on your soul."
Sam felt like he'd been hit.
A demon. A demon had killed Mom, and done something to him too?
He didn't think about Mom often, or the night she had died. He knew Dean and dad did, but it was different for them. They remembered it - he didn't. He had never known Mom, and even if he knew she had given birth to him, that she had loved him, to him she was still a stranger, a stranger who had died before Sam had ever gotten the chance to know her.
He had felt guilty about these thoughts so many times. And he had felt guilt over Mom's death too - had always known that Dad somehow blamed him for it because Mom had died in his nursery.
That was one reason Sam had wanted to go to Stanford. To leave all that guilt behind. To start a new life, in a place where no one would know about Mom, where no one would expect that he'd spend all his life trying to avenge the death of a woman he had never even known.
And now - Jackie was telling him it was a demon that had killed mom. A demon, who had marked him, who had done something bad to him that night 18 years ago.
This was the first real lead they had ever had about Mom's killer.
And all Sam could think about was that he wished she had never told him.
"I'm sorry—" Jackie sighed. "Maybe I shouldn't have said a thing."
"No, it's okay." A moment of silence. Jackie's hand rested on his chest, and Sam took it, let their fingers entwine. "I just… I just don't know what to make of that."
"I can try and find out something if you wish. You know I have connections, I could make some inquiries—"
And just like that Sam was back in the moment he had seen the golem beating Jackie with its giant fists, breaking her precious body, he smelled Jackie's blood, saw how it poured from her wounds, and painted the carpet red.
"No, don't." He shook his head.
The thing that had killed his mom - the demon - had sliced Mom's stomach open and she had bled and burned to death.
Sam didn't want Jackie anywhere near that thing. By asking questions, she might attract the wrong kind of attention. She might actually find that demon, and—
The room was so silent, Sam could hear Jackie's breathing - the most beautiful sound in the whole world. He wanted to fall asleep to that sound every night for the rest of his life. He would let nothing take that away from him.
Just the thought of something happening to Jackie-
It felt like a dagger through his gut.
He thought about Jackie dying, the beautiful, smooth skin of her belly being cut open as she screamed and bled and burned in the ceiling—
Drops of blood, red as rubies, falling down to his face as he lay on the bed-
He took a shaky inhale, tried to repel that image. No way in Hell would he ever let anything like that happen to her! He'd gladly live the rest of his days not knowing who had killed his mom if it meant keeping Jackie safe.
He was going to leave all this behind anyway - this wretched life of demons and golems and nightmares and childhood poisoned with guilt and pointless dreams. He was going to leave all this behind and go to Stanford, with Jackie. They'd be safe there, both of them. And this life would be nothing but a bad memory, something that would fade with time so that eventually he would hardly remember it at all.
Safe.
"Are you sure?" She asked. "Are you absolutely certain that you don't want me to find out more—"
"Yeah, I'm sure." He pulled her closer, buried his face into her hair. "As long as it doesn't bother you."
"Nothing in you could ever bother me," she said. "My perfect lover boy. Just forget I ever said anything at all."
A couple of hours later Jackie appeared in her hotel room (Which had been all cleaned from golem dust and blood, how convenient!). She was still wearing the lingerie set she had purchased in Paris - Sam had absolutely refused to let her take it off. So, her hunch had been right, and that money had been well spent. Taking a look at her bathroom mirror, Jackie made a mental note to buy a whole collection of sexy underwear.
Sam hadn't been able to keep his hands off her. They had made love three times, and Jackie was so satisfied her legs felt wobbly. The last time had been the best. Jackie went over it again in her head as she finally undressed her stockings and the garter belt and tossed them into the laundry basket. Sam had taken her wrists and tied them to the bedpost - damn that boy - and made Jackie come like a gazillion times.
She smirked at her own image in the mirror. She looked thoroughly fucked - her hair a giant cloud of red curls around her face, her cheeks were flushed, her neck had love bites. It was a look that suited her, she thought. Rather porno, but so was her nature.
Sam got that, which made Jackie sinfully happy.
She stepped into the shower and took her time washing her hair and treating it with a luxurious conditioner - damn curls, sometimes she envied Joe's straight, silky hair that was always so damn perfect. Jackie was pretty sure her sister never had a bad hair day - no doubt that was all because of her grace too. She had been born flawless.
You should be nicer to her. She saved your life, and Sam's.
But Jackie couldn't help envying Joe - it was an old habit. Besides, their sisterly talk hadn't been a blast.
Jackie had never responded well when someone was angry with her for a reason. And Joe had a reason, she knew. She had all the reason in the world.
Jackie would be mad too if Joe took stupid risks and almost died.
Losing Joe - it wasn't an option. And she could only imagine that Joe felt the same for her.
So they had argued and shouted and cried and made up - like they always did, sooner or later. And Jackie thought she had managed to be relatively nice, considering that Joe had robbed her from the nice bed she had been sharing with Sam and dragged her to Alaska, of all places.
"I'm all for Sam, he's a nice guy, really, and he loves you." Joe had said. "But I swear that if you get killed because of him, I'll rip his heart out of his chest."
It was something Jackie hadn't told Sam, and never would. That the reason she had let her guard down, the reason that the golem had gotten to her in the first place, was that she had been distracted.
She had been thinking about Sam.
About the way he would feel when he found out she had stolen a cursed diamond and was planning to sell it for half a million dollars.
That had made her hesitate, and she had almost paid for that with her life - and with Sam's life.
A mistake she would never do again. Good riddance to her past life. She could be a good girl for Sam, she was almost certain of it.
She stepped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around her form, and another in her hair. Her trail of thoughts had led her back to the Black Orlov, which was in her otherwise rather empty safe.
She needed a plan. Sooner better than later.
Raphael had probably called her again. She had turned her phone on mute this afternoon after he had harassed her with his pointless, whiny calls all morning and made her lose her temper.
That guy was just the worst.
Jackie didn't care if he wanted to pay her extra for the Black Orlov. She had made up her mind of not selling to him, already before the golem, before her talk with Sam.
After all, it was never wise to do business with your ex-boyfriend.
An ex-boyfriend, who just happened to be a narcissistic asshat.
If Jackie never heard from him again, it would be too soon.
She walked to her purse to check her phone - determined to send Raphael a text that would make him leave her in peace for good-
Her phone wasn't in her purse.
Shit, you probably left it at Sam's. You had it when you went to grab a soda from the fridge-
Without thinking, Jackie teleported back to Sam's place - straight into the small kitchen. There was her phone, on the kitchen counter near the sink - the small screen blinking with unanswered calls.
Damn Raphael! Jackie was just glad that Sam hadn't picked up his calls. He could never find out about Raphael. Never.
"Sam?" Jackie said, taking the phone in her hand. "Sam - I just forgot my-"
"Son of a bithc!"
She swirled around.
The beer can fell from Dean's hands to the floor, as he went for his gun.
So - what do you think? Wanna read more? If so, let me know.
I'm spending my summer vacation in my Mom's house in the countryside - just chilling in the forest, swimming naked in the lake all Joe-style, lol. I'm hoping to have time to write more soon.