CHAPTER FIVE
Harry barely reacted in time to put up a Shield Charm before two Stunning Spells shot across the kitchen table at him and deflected up into the ceiling.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" Ginny and Ron shouted at the same time, Ron flailing and tipping over backward in his chair.
"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" Charlie screamed at Harry.
"Is he pressuring you into this?" Bill growled at Ginny.
"There is no reason to resort to something so drastic!" said Percy.
"And it's definitely not something to laugh about," said George.
Fleur was babbling a mile a minute in French, tears welling in her eyes and trying to get Victoire to stop crying.
Molly had collapsed into Arthur's arms and fainted.
"Have you lot all lost your minds!?" shouted Harry. "Why is it so important that I keep it?"
"What use do we have for it, anyway?" asked Ginny.
A second explosion of angry shouting erupted as all the Weasleys talked over each other.
"How in the WORLD is all this the appropriate response to Harry and Ginny living together!?" pleaded Hermione.
"THAT'S NOT — wait, they're living together!?" said Percy.
Hermione gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth.
"Oh please," George rolled his eyes, "Anyone with a brain already knew that."
"What!? Why didn't you say anything!" said Charlie, "We could have stopped this before it happened!"
"Gee, thanks, Hermione," growled Harry as she blushed harder.
"Then what the hell are all you gits talking about!?" barked Ginny loudly to cut through the cacophony of testosterone. "As annoying as you always are when treating me like an innocent girl, it makes more sense than getting upset about Harry's stupid Wizengamot seat!"
"Harry has a Wizengamot seat!?" asked Percy in awe.
"Don't get any ideas, Perce, Harry's taken," said George.
"Of course we're not talking about that!" said Molly, her voice shaking as she regained consciousness and stood up straight. "We're talking about the baby!"
Harry and Ginny looked sideways at Victoire.
"THE NEW BABY!" Molly shrieked, growing more exasperated.
"What, Hermione's baby?" asked Ginny.
Molly fainted again.
"Ex-CUSE me!?" cried Hermione as every head in the room spun to face her, Ron's turning a sickly shade of green.
"Oh...I shouldn't have eaten all those biscuits," Ron muttered fearfully, holding his stomach.
"Wait, Hermione's pregnant too?" asked Percy.
"No, I am not!" said Hermione forcefully.
"Wait, what do you mean 'too?'" asked Ginny. "Who else is pregnant?"
"THERE IS NO 'ELSE!' I AM NOT PREGNANT!" Hermione screamed. "Can we please establish that first?"
"Love, just calm down," said Ron softly, placing his hands gently on her shoulders. "It's okay, we can handle this. Why don't you just sit down…."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Ron, even if I were pregnant, if you start coddling me you'll regret it. Ginny, why the hell did you say that I'm pregnant?"
"Well she kept dropping hints left and right that someone was pregnant!" Ginny gestured wildly towards Fleur, who until now was doing a good job of avoiding the chaos, and blushed self-consciously when it was her turn to be the focus of all the anger.
"Ginny, just stop it!" Fleur lashed out. "I was trying to encourage you to come clean!"
"...Me?"
"Ginny, we know about the baby," said Arthur calmly. "We've known for days."
About a dozen different emotions collided violently inside Harry. He couldn't imagine what the expression on his face might look like. He slowly turned on the spot towards Ginny.
"I'm sure you're about to say something all noble and comforting," said Ginny dryly. "But you don't have to be that good of a boyfriend yet. No, I'm not pregnant."
"I applaud your performance, Gin-Gin," said George, "but nothing stays secret for long in this family." He jerked his head toward Ron.
"Wha—Why are you jerking your head towards me, don't jerk your head towards me!" Ron panicked.
"Why is he jerking his head towards you, Ron?" Ginny seethed.
"Hell if I know!" Ron said defensively. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, this is the first I've heard of any new babies!"
"Sorry, Ronniekins, but you spilled the beans to Teddy, and he sold you out," said George.
"You told Teddy that I'm pregnant!?" Ron flinched as Ginny smacked his arm.
"Using much more vulgar language," Molly whimpered, still trembling and desperately clutching onto Arthur for support.
"I did not tell Teddy that you're pregnant!" Ron spoke up. "I never even—"
He stopped speaking and his eyes bulged out. He and Hermione faced each other, realization dawning on their faces.
Ron's voice is small. "...Oh—Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop it!" he cowered as Hermione started furiously hitting him.
"You — complete — idiot Ronald Weasley!" she shouted with each hit.
Ginny's older brothers were looking far too pleased with themselves for her taste.
"Okay, so can we stop this charade now?" asked Bill.
"Okay, I don't know what this latest domestic incident is about," said Ginny, pointing at the sparring couple, "I just know that I'm not pregnant."
"Teddy heard Ron saying that Harry had knocked you up!" said Charlie.
"No….but I might have said that it was likely that he would knock her up."
Harry gaped at him. "Why were you discussing me knocking up Ginny at all!?" he demanded, as he physically restrained Ginny from attacking Ron.
"Because you both were being so bloody shameless!" Ron shouted back. "It's enough to drive anyone mental! Don't try to annoy your brother by having no self-control and then get mad when he says you have no self control!"
"I want the record to show that I did not partake in this line of reasoning and told him he was being ridiculous," said Hermione.
"Thanks for the support, Love," said Ron.
Bill, Charlie, and Percy all seemed to have deflated like balloons. Their faces matched their hair and they were looking anywhere but Ginny's furious face.
"Well...erm…." said Charlie, trying to keep his face stern, "Ron's right, you should still—"
"Oh, do not try to still chest-beat after you've all been exposed as idiots!" Ginny hissed. "You've all been absolutely terrible to Harry and me based on what a toddler overheard!"
"She is right," Fleur scolded her husband, rejoining the row now that she had calmed Victoire down, "If you zink zat she is pregnant, you should not start fights to stress 'er out! Shame on you!" Bill hung his head.
"You know, I really don't think that trying to manipulate Ginny into talking about it is much better," said Harry flatly, "You all need to mind your own business!"
"Yes, don't think I'm going to forget this any time soon!" Ginny waved a threatening finger at all of them. "Not only treating me like an idiot child who's been taken advantage of, but actually thinking we're stupid and reckless enough to unintentionally get pregnant in the first place!"
"See, Molly dear?" Arthur told his wife gently, "it was all just a misunderstanding." He had guided her into a chair and was trying to calm her down. Her breathing was quick and shallow and her eyes were darting around madly.
"...No. No, it all fit…" she shook her head violently, "They're covering it up. You need to tell the truth, Ginny!"
It was clear that there was no reasoning with her, she had become delirious by now from all the chaos and panic.
Ginny groaned. "All right, you want to settle this? Fine, let's settle this." And without another word, she marched out of the kitchen into the sitting room, threw some floo powder into the fireplace, called out "Diagon Alley!" and disappeared into the flames.
The kitchen was finally quiet for the next few minutes as Molly's breathing slowly but surely slowed down to merely anxious instead of an outright panic attack. Bill and Fleur were bickering quietly in French, while Hermione silently gave Ron her best "I told you so" look for not watching what he said around Teddy.
After what felt like an eternity, the fireplace roared to life again and Ginny marched back into the kitchen, dusting soot off her clothes.
"Where did you go?" asked Harry.
She held up a vial of clear liquid. "Apothecary," she said shortly. The unique shape of the bottle was instantly recognizable.
"Oh, well that's just great," said Ron tiredly. "Harry Potter's girlfriend hastily buying a pregnancy test potion, I'm sure that won't be in the headlines tomorrow."
Ginny ignored him as she skimmed over the card that came attached to the potion. "Okay, yeah, blue for boy, pink for girl, white for not pregnant."
She uncorked the flask, set it down on the table, used her wand to cut off a single strand of her hair, and lowered it into the solution. The clear, colorless contents of the bottle instantly started bubbling furiously.
"See?" Ginny barked furiously, "So, now that we've gotten this circus over with, I would greatly appreciate it if you gits kindly butted the hell out of my love life, and we can all….just….move….on…."
Her voice trailed off into nothing as her eyes remained locked on the vial on the table.
Which was now a bright, vibrant blue.