Thanks to fearlessinger for betaing!
*buzz buzz*
Marinette smiled as she looked at the picture of Adrien that popped up on her phone. A couple weeks ago, she couldn't imagine talking with him on a regular basis like this, without tripping over her words - she'd certainly tried often enough!
But then came the reveal. Admittedly, it hadn't gone the way she'd planned - if it had, she wouldn't have kept the knowledge of Chat's true identity - but she didn't regret making that change.
It'd been hard to wrap her brain around the two boys she cared for the most, being the same person- at least at first. But the more she watched Adrien, the more she looked at Chat, the more she saw the similarities.
No. That they were one and the same.
She wasn't ready to reveal herself - not yet. She'd taken awhile to adjust, to reconcile the two sides of him into one - would he? And would he still love her when he did?
She shook her head, attempting to clear it. That could wait for another day. Moving her phone up to her ear, she pressed 'answer call'.
"Ladybug?" her partner asked, his voice trembling and small. Immediately she kicked into high alert.
"Chat, what is it?" she asked urgently, her mind buzzing with possibilities. What if Shadowmoth had tracked Adrien down, or Lila'd talked Gabriel into pulling Adrien out of school and he needed someone to talk his father into letting him back in, or an akuma brought his banana suit to life and-
"Someone- someone found out my identity," he divulged quickly, as if by getting it out faster, he could soften the impact. "That Celestial Guardian guy from before, remember? He- he was waiting for me in my room today, yelling at me about how I needed to keep Plagg in line more, keep track of his movements, control him - and that if I ever stepped out of line or wasn't needed anymore, that he'd take the Black Cat ring away. That Plagg should never have been let out of the box to begin with. I argued with him, told him that he was wrong, that Plagg's his own person and I didn't care that he was the Celestial Guardian, he doesn't get to dictate what happens to him or isolate him from the world. I don't think he liked that much, but he left."
He took a gulp of air, letting it out slowly in a quiet sigh. "I'm- I'm sorry, milady. That I screwed up and let another person find out my identity somehow. I- I don't even know how he did it. When I asked how he found me, he just said 'He has his ways'. If he could find out, someone else might too."
There was a pause. She could almost picture Adrien screwing up his eyes as he forced out his next words. "If- if you don't want to have a full reveal now- I understand. I'm a security risk, and I don't even know how."
A rock dropped into Marinette's throat. She swallowed it back. "It's fine, kitty," she told him soothingly. "I'm sure it wasn't your fault." I know it wasn't your fault. "I don't think him knowing makes anyone else finding out more likely. He discovered my identity too, remember?"
"Ye-yeah," he said haltingly. She could hear heavy breathing over the line. "Yeah, you're right. Sorry I bothered you."
She hesitated. "If- if you want to talk- you know I'm always here, right?"
"Of course. Good night, Milady."
"See you for patrol tomorrow!" She hung up.
Everything was fine now, right? She'd assured him that she wasn't mad about Su-Han knowing his identity, and he sounded like he was feeling better. She'd fixed the problem.
So why wasn't the lump in her throat disappearing?
Maybe working on some of her fashion designs would help. She had this great idea for an outfit for Adrien (inspired by his appearance as Chat Noir, of course) that she wanted to present him when she finally felt up to revealing her own identity.
Pulling out some cloth, her sewing machine, and scissors, she got to work.
Marinette stretched out on her balcony chair, looking at the moon. It'd be nice if she could stargaze as well, but with all the light pollution in Paris, that just wasn't possible.
Hm… maybe she should suggest spending some time on the moon, just her and Chat, the only two living beings there, gazing at the stars-
Wait, what was that?
Narrowing her eyes, she zeroed in on the movement. Immediately, she relaxed. Just Chat Noir, not an akuma.
"You don't have patrol today," Tikki said, sounding worried. "Why's he out now?"
She shrugged. "He's a cat, what do you expect? Cats like to wander."
"He's also Adrien," Tikki reminded her.
That brought her up short. Chat Noir she could easily dismiss roaming around aimlessly at night. But Adrien? Not so much.
Maybe she wasn't doing as good of a job reconciling his sides as she'd thought.
She frowned. "I hadn't really thought of it that way," she admitted. "Adrien- if he's wandering around alone- maybe it's just for fun? To clear his head? Or just to get away from being stuck in his room? Yeah. Yeah, that must be it. His father's just being a jerk again, and he needs to get out."
Tikki frowned at her. She looked away. Those were perfectly good reasons why he might be out. No need to speculate further.
Oh crap.
He was heading STRAIGHT FOR HER.
Keep it cool, Marinette, keep it cool. He doesn't know you're Ladybug OR that you know his identity OR that you have a crush on him OR that he actually has a crush on her. Both of you are just two friends who occasionally run into each other to confess love problems-
OH CRAP THEY'D TALKED ABOUT LOVE PROBLEMS.
SHE'D PRACTICED HER CONFESSION TO ADRIEN ON ADRIEN.
AND HE'D DONE IT BETTER THAN SHE DID.
Okay, scratch the identity reveal idea, she was going to change her name and move to Paraguay. Alya could be Scarabella, she'd done a fine job of it before. Su-Han could have the Miracle Box back, she'd just have to convince him not to try and take Alya's or Adrien's Miraculous when she did. Sure she'd lose a few memories, but- actually, scratch that, that was a BONUS, as far as she was concerned.
*whump*
Marinette jumped as Chat landed beside her.
"Sorry! Didn't mean to startle you," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I just saw your light was on and well…"
"Fine! It's fine!" she said. Even to herself, her voice sounded high-pitched and strained. Don't think about the last time they talked like this, with practicing the confessions and-
OH GOD THEY WENT ON A DATE TOO.
Her eye twitched. The universe was mocking her, she was sure of it.
"Uh… Marinette… you okay?"
"Yep!" It came out more as a half-strangled warble.
"Does it have to do with Buttercup?" he asked sympathetically. "You know, if you need to talk-"
"Why don't we just talk about your problems instead?" she blurted out hastily.
He blinked. "How'd you know I was having problems?"
"Well I mean- you don't normally just leap around the city at night when you're not on patrol, right?" She didn't think so at least. Alya would've gotten footage of that. "And it's a school night, you've gotta have homework to do. But you're out here instead."
That was another thing she hadn't really thought about before. Chat Noir being just a normal kid who needed time to do homework, just like her. She just- she thought of him as her superhero partner, her reliable, sometimes goofy, friend.
His ears drooped. She resisted the urge to stroke his head. She'd done it a few times as Ladybug, but he didn't know Marinette as well- or at least, he didn't KNOW he knew her as well.
Sometimes she wished she had gone through with resetting the timeline, just so she wouldn't have to deal with the headache of these secret identity shenanigans.
"Something- something happened today. Something I hadn't expected."
"Oh?" that rock settled in her throat again. "Someone soured your milk?" she joked half-heartedly.
He gave a small chuckle. "Nah. My kwami would've been all over that, probably would've found some way to turn it into the stinkiest cheese known to man." He sighed. "No, it- it was my fault. I think. Someone learned my secret identity, and I don't even know how. If Shadowmoth finds out-" he trailed off, shaking his head.
"Have you told Ladybug about this?" she asked.
He nodded. "She wasn't angry with me, thankfully. She didn't seem to think it was much of a problem at all. I mean, the guy who found out has a way of warding off akuma, so it's probably safe, but… I just…"
He sat down heavily. "It just feels wrong, you know? To have that choice stripped away."
"Choice stripped away?"
"I- I don't get to choose a lot of things in my life," he said, looking out into the distance. "And if I try to stand up for what I want, what I believe, I could lose everything I have. And in cases where he knows I wouldn't agree, he just… circumvents my ability to choose completely. Lies to me, tricks me into doing what he wants, and I don't even find out about it until later."
It hadn't escaped her notice that Chat had switched from vaguely talking about his life, to focusing on a specific "he" who seemed to be the main cause of his difficulty.
Before the identity reveal, she would've been clueless about who could possibly have him so… so trapped. But knowing he was Adrien… he had to be referring to his father. To his repeated threats to pull him from school if he ever put a toe out of line, to forbid him from seeing his friends.
Lying and tricking Adrien, because Gabriel knew his son wouldn't agree if he knew what he was actually doing… he had to be talking about that ad for Project Oxygen, the tower the class had protested against. Adrien had mentioned he'd thought he'd been acting for a perfume ad. It must've bothered him a lot, being used and deceived like that.
The stone in her throat got heavier.
"I- I'm okay with some people knowing my identity," he continued. "I was ecstatic when-" he paused. "Never mind. Sorry, that- that's something I can't tell you."
She nodded understandingly. "You're a superhero, you have to keep secrets, I get it."
"Yeah… a lot of secrets..." he trailed off.
A moment later, he shook himself. "It's just- it's my own identity. Shouldn't I at least be told how he found out, for safety's sake? In case Shadowmoth can exploit it too? Don't I have the right to know?" He let out a frustrated sigh. "Sometimes it just feels like there's a whole conspiracy going on, where everyone knows more than me, and I'm just out here on the edges, finding whatever scraps of evidence they weren't able to hide."
Marinette frowned. "What?"
"It's something I started noticing a couple months back," he explained. "Some superheroes showing up more than they should, me being excluded from plans, and- and I found out that some things I thought were rules, aren't. I thought things were getting better, that a lot of it was resolved, wasn't relevant anymore, but this- this guy finding out my identity- it feels the same as those other times."
What was he talking about? 'Those other times'- just discovering that she'd told her identity to someone besides him? He'd seemed alright after their chat about it though. Or- or had he found out about Rena Furtive? He hadn't found out about the plan she'd devised to get his identity to Su Han, that much was clear at least. Was there anything else she'd kept secret from him she was forgetting?
She swallowed thickly. Maybe he wasn't wrong about the conspiracy thing.
"Have you tried talking to Ladybug about this?" she asked. "She's your partner, I'm sure she'd be happy to clear up any misunderstandings."
He shook his head. "I don't want to give her any more reason to not tell me things," he said dully. "If I start telling her the things I suspect, how I feel, she might not want me around anymore. I've learned from experience. Pushing someone you care about to tell you about things they don't want to explain, just leads to them cutting you off at best, or punishment at worst. I can't lose Ladybug."
She barely registered moving to him before she suddenly found herself inches from his face. "Listen to me," she told him harshly. "Ladybug is your partner, she'd never want to do this without you. She'd do everything in her power to make sure she never lost you. She's certainly not going to ask you to leave. That's the last thing she'd ever want."
She had done everything in her power to make sure Chat Noir wasn't taken from her. Even told Su Han his secret identity so he wouldn't try to take Chat's ring. That was proof, right?
So why did that thought make her feel worse?
"Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right," he said, his voice a little warmer. "The time I gave up the ring, she said that too." he turned to her, smiling. "Thanks, Marinette. You always know what to say."
"I- you're welcome?" she said questioningly.
He laughed. "Well, this kitty needs a catnap before school tomorrow," he said, stretching. "And I'm betting you could use one too."
She glanced at her phone. Her mouth gaped open. "Oh CRAP that's the time?!"
He looked at her phone, wincing. "Yeah I'm just gonna go before I fall asleep in class tomorrow. See ya around!"
She waved him off before heading down the hatch.
For the next few hours she tossed and turned, the lump in her throat only growing heavier. She didn't get a lot of sleep that night.
"Ugh..."
Alya frowned at her as she trudged into class. "Did you stay up all night?"
Marinette collapsed into her seat, narrowly avoiding hitting her head on her desk. "Not on purpose."
"Stress getting to you? Nightmares?" Alya asked sympathetically.
Marinette gave her a small smile. "The first one, I think. But… I just can't figure out WHY. Everything's fine! Right?" She looked at Alya pleadingly.
"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?"
She groaned. "I don't even know anymore."
Alya leaned in close. "Is it related to you-know-what?" she whispered.
Marinette paused. She hadn't been able to tell Alya why she was acting so weird around Adrien - that would require telling her Chat's secret identity. But THIS conundrum, the stuff about Chat feeling down and left out- she didn't need to tell her his identity to relay all of that. And she needed to talk to someone about this. She couldn't go sleepless for another night. Paris needed a refreshed, non-sleep-deprived Ladybug.
"Meet me in my room after school," she told her friend. "I need your advice."
"You screwed up," Alya told her bluntly.
Marinette groaned.
Her friend pinched her nose, giving out a long sigh. "Girl, just… just walk me through your thought process here. Please. Why did you think it was a good idea to try to lie and trick your partner into giving up his identity to someone else without him even knowing about it?"
"I mean, I am planning on revealing my identity to him later, so… is it really a lie?" she asked weakly.
Alya glared at her. "At the time you said it you weren't planning on following through, so yes, that was a lie."
She looked down, biting her lip. "But if I didn't, Su-Han was going to take Chat's Miraculous. I- I can't lose him, Alya." Her voice cracked. "I already did once, back in New York, and I- I don't want to go on being Ladybug without him."
Alya's expression softened, but her voice maintained a hard edge. "I get that, but why not just tell Chat about Su-Han's ultimatum, work it out together? He's your partner and this is about him, he should have a say on what to do with his own secret identity."
"But what if he refused?" Marinette asked urgently. "Last time he met Su-Han, he was so upset about the Celestial Guardian's insistence that I stop being Guardian - that I lose my memories - that he dared him to try and take his Miraculous. We ended up having a pretty tough fight, one that I'd rather not repeat. He said at the time that he'd give up his Miraculous if I asked, but… well… I don't know whether that would extend to telling Su-Han his secret identity."
Alya frowned. "Are you that confident you couldn't take him in a fight, even with the entire team?"
"Well… no, I'm pretty sure we could, he was good but not THAT good," she admitted.
"Then why were you so hung up about needing to get Chat's identity to the guy, no matter what?" Alya asked, exasperated.
"I mean, I still don't want to fight him, especially since he knows where I live."
"And now he knows where Chat lives."
Marinette winced.
Alya sighed. "Look. Just… think about this the other way around. What if Chat had done something like this? If he'd been told he needed to tell someone else your identity or else they'd try to confiscate your miraculous, so he decided to lie to you in order to get it - I dunno, maybe he told you he just wanted the two of you to test out the limits of your powers, with both of you then detransforming in designated spots, with someone of his choosing watching you so they could learn your identity and tell it to that person. How would you feel?"
"HOW. COULD. YOU," she screamed at Chat, tears filling her eyes. "I- I TRUSTED you! And you- and you-!"
"I- I had to," he pleaded, looking up at her, ears drooping. "I was going to lose you!"
"AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO TALK TO ME ABOUT IT?! TO COME UP WITH A PLAN, TOGETHER?!"
"My Lady-" he reached out a hand to her. She threw him into a wall. "DON'T 'MY LADY' ME. I am NOT your Lady, and won't be ever again. I need a partner I can trust, and I CAN'T TRUST YOU."
She could still hear him crying as she walked away. She didn't look back.
"-nette. Marinette!"
A blurry shape started coming into focus. She blinked, wiping away the tears from her eyes. Slowly, the blob resolved into Alya's worried face.
"I- I don't know that I would've been able to forgive him," she whispered. "What- what do I do? How can I fix this?"
"Well, you can start by telling him everything," Alya told her, relaxing slightly. "When we fought together while he was out of town, he sounded really bitter about not knowing that you were going to send a replacement. He said 'Ladybug sent a stand-in, and didn't see fit to tell me about it' and 'as usual, no need to keep the cat in the loop'. I know you talked to him after that battle, but there are still a lot of things you're hiding from him, and from the sound of it, he realizes it."
"But what if- what if it's too much? What if he's so mad he doesn't want to be my partner anymore, or we can't fight as well together, or- or-"
He was Adrien, too. If she told him everything- if she followed through on her promise to reveal her secret identity to him, a promise she hadn't intended to keep when she first made it- she might not only lose her partner, but the love of her life as well.
Her eyes ventured to the Miracle Box.
"Marinette…" Alya said warningly.
"Wouldn't it be better to just not make the mistake in the first place?" Marinette asked, eyes locked on the box. "To get around it entirely?"
Alya stepped in front of the box. "Marinette, NO."
"But-"
"Look. Maybe it'll go wrong. Maybe you'll fight. But that doesn't mean you have the right to undo it, just because things don't go the way you want!"
"Even if it means the end of the world?"
Alya blinked. "What?"
Marinette looked down. "A few months ago, Bunnyx showed me an alternate timeline. Paris was underwater, and everyone was dead - except for an akumatized Chat Noir. He- he knew my identity, he talked about how our love did that to the world." She swallowed thickly. "I- I managed to defeat him, to purify him, but I needed to completely undo that timeline. All it took for the end of the world was dropping off a signed present for Adrien as Ladybug. That was it! If something that innocuous could do it… I just… I didn't know what Chat knowing some other piece of information might do. That's why I've been so insistent on not letting him know anything beyond what he needs to - who knows what could cause it?!"
Alya stared at her. "And that's why you didn't want him to know about me knowing your identity, or having a Miraculous permanently, or following you guys on patrol and during fights as Rena Furtive, or any of this mess?"
She nodded.
Alya let out a long, slow breath. "Marinette, that doesn't make sense."
She blinked. "What do you mean?"
"You were going to reveal your identity to him before Su-Han barged into Chat's home, right? Wouldn't that reveal have been the most likely thing to trigger Chat's akumatization, from what you said?"
"Well… yeah… I guess so," she admitted.
"Then why was him finding out about Rena Furtive higher on your list of worries?"
"I…"
Alya had a point. She'd been so worried about what tiny change could cause things to go wrong, that she'd been controlling all the information, keeping all the secrets that Chat wasn't technically required to know, but as soon as she'd found out Chat's identity, those worries had gone out the window.
Because he was Adrien.
Which actually explained a lot. She'd wondered how she might've fallen for Chat Noir, in that other timeline. He was very pretty (she might not mention it often, but she had EYES), and fun, and loyal, but he'd never really been her type, since she'd always seem him as a bit of a roguish braggart, and she was more into quiet sincerity and kindness. ...Both of which she'd seen from Chat Noir, but it wasn't normally part of her conception of him.
Of course if Chat Noir found out her identity, they'd end up dating. She wouldn't turn down Adrien.
"I- I guess- I think with all those other secrets, I- I may have let my fears cloud my judgement, I… may have gotten carried away," she admitted.
Alya cocked an eyebrow. "You think?" She rubbed her forehead, looking like she was trying to soothe a headache. "Catastrophizing?" she guessed.
Huh.
Come to think of it - that train of thought connecting telling Chat… well, pretty much anything, to 'the end of the world', DID seem a lot like the kind of logic she'd end up using while spiralling. It made a lot of sense in the moment, but when trying to puzzle through it when she was calmer, it seemed pretty silly.
"I think you're right," she said.
"Probably didn't help that the actual end of the world was apparently on the table," Alya said, the side of her mouth quirking up into a slight smile.
Marinette chuckled. "Yeah."
"But I still don't get it. Why did you change your mind about showing him your identity?"
"Oh… well… uh..."
How could she explain this? She couldn't say 'well he turned out to be my crush, someone who I thought was completely different from my partner, and I blue-screened so hard I couldn't bear the thought of erasing that knowledge without processing it. And after I worked through it, I was too enamored with the idea of finally asking out Adrien, of finally getting together with him, to even think about Chat Blanc'. She'd betrayed his identity to others enough already.
"Well?" Alya looked at her expectantly.
"Uh… let's just say that his identity was surprising enough that it drove all thoughts of Chat Blanc out of my head," she said. Her cheeks felt warm.
"I see," Alya said, sounding bemused. A smile played across her lips.
"Please don't look into that deeper," she pleaded.
"Should I start rebuilding my Ladynoir folder?"
"Al-ya!" she said, shoving her. But the slight giggle in her voice betrayed her true feelings.
Alya smirked, before resuming her serious expression. "You need to tell him, Marinette. All of it. Before this gets worse than it already is."
"I know." Even to her own ears, she sounded like she was approaching the gallows.
She swallowed, reaching for the railing of her bed's staircase.
"Oh, uh, Marinette-"
She turned around, looking back at Alya. Who seemed strangely nervous, looking off to the side. She almost sounded embarrassed. "While we're confessing things - I may have told Nino that I still have my Miraculous."
"What?"
Ladybug took a deep breath, steeling herself. "Come on, you can do this," she muttered. "You talk to him every day. Without stuttering, even! You just need to tell him you've been going behind his back for months and flat-out lied to him. Yep! No problem at all! Everything will be fine."
"What will be fine, Milady?"
She gulped. Slowly, she turned around.
Chat Noir leaned on his stick, smiling brightly, his ears pricked.
"It's uh-" I need to tell you something that might destroy our friendship. "I-"
"Ladybug? Are you okay?"
"No," she whispered, not meeting his eyes.
He gripped her shoulders, looking at her intently. "Look. Whatever it is, we can get through it, together. The two of us against the world, remember?"
She flinched. "I- this- this isn't-" She choked back a sob. "Remember, when you said you felt like there was some sort of conspiracy to keep you out of the loop?"
He stared at her, eyes wide. The end of his tail twitched. "Yeah, but- I told that to Marinette. What- what about it?"
"You… weren't totally wrong."
"Ladybug, what-"
She took a deep breath. "You know Rena Rouge, how I stopped recruiting her, right?"
"I mean… I did think it was a little weird how she stopped showing up. Especially with Carapace still popping up regularly. They often appear together."
"It's because Shadowmoth thinks Rena Rouge is out of commission, that I won't give her the Fox Miraculous anymore. So I can't have her fighting villains openly."
"Fighting villains openly?" Chat's brows furrowed. "Wait- so she still has her Miraculous then?"
She nodded. "I gave it to her permanently after that last fight against Style Queen so I'd have back-up in case something happened to me. She's been following us secretly during patrols and akuma fights ever since, helping out whenever she can without blowing her cover, and keeping an eye out for Shadowmoth, so she can follow him back to his base if he ever shows his face."
"And you decided not to tell me." Chat said, his voice hard, but calm.
She winced. "I- I just kept thinking that if you knew, well- pretty much anything, something terrible might happen. A few months ago, Bunnix took me back to undo an alternate timeline, one where you'd been akumatized and everyone else was dead, and somehow, it was caused by you - Adrien-you - seeing me leave a signed present for you, as Ladybug. Your akumatized self - he knew my identity. He- he said 'our love did this to the world'. After I'd purified him, I went back and erased my signature. That fixed everything."
Her partner stared at her, gaping. She couldn't blame him. It was a lot to process.
"After that, well," she gave him a small, embarrassed smile. "I didn't want to rock the boat. I thought that if I just didn't change anything I didn't absolutely have to, didn't give you any more info than I needed to, everything would be fine."
"And you didn't think I needed to know any of this?" he asked quietly.
She couldn't meet his eyes. "No. If I could just… not tell you about anything, if trying to keep it from you didn't cause immediate problems, then... I didn't."
His eyebrows drew together. "Wait, but- if you thought my knowing your identity had something to do with the end of the world, then why were you so adamant about us revealing our identities to each other?"
"I…" She looked down, taking a deep breath.
"You never actually intended to tell me your identity, did you?" he said, realization sinking in. "You just told me that, so you'd be sure I'd reveal my identity, but you never intended on following through."
She swallowed. "I- I never intended for you to remember that I'd asked at all. Su Han ambushed me after that akuma fight with Moolak, the one you weren't there for. He demanded I find out your identity, so I could retrieve you no matter what, and so I could- I could take back your Miraculous if you ever turned evil. I said that would never happen, of course, but he didn't care. He just kept on insisting that I learn your identity, or at least tell him your identity, so he could do it himself."
"That's how he knew where I lived," Chat said, eyes widening. "And- and when you said it wasn't my fault-"
She sucked in a breath. "Yeah. It was mine. I let him know just after I left the tower."
"You said you never intended for me to remember. What did you mean?" he asked. Her partner's voice was dry and hard.
"I knew there was a risk in anyone knowing both of our identities," she said, looking anywhere but at her partner. "And I thought that if you knew what I needed your identity for, that I needed you to tell it to Su-Han, to someone you don't like- I wasn't sure you'd agree. So I- I decided to circumvent the issue entirely. I acquired some wireless headsets, giving one to Viperion and keeping one for myself. I had him start a Second Chance just before you arrived. The plan was, after I told you I wanted a full reveal and convinced you to reveal first, I'd tell Viperion your name over the headset. Then he'd reset it, tell me he already knew your identity, and I'd make up some other reason for why I called you over, with Viperion finding Su-Han and telling him your identity."
"You just- you weren't planning on telling me anything? Anything at all? The possibility of my not agreeing was just- just an issue to be played around?" Chat asked incredulously. "And Viperion- Luka- he was in on this too?"
She flinched. "Um… I don't know if it makes it better, but… he did try to persuade me to tell you directly what was going on, that I needed you to tell your identity to him. I told him that you wouldn't tell your identity to anyone but me, and he dropped it."
"And you STILL WENT THROUGH WITH IT?!" He shouted, breathing heavily. He closed his eyes. "Do you have that little respect for me?" he asked quietly. "My ability to choose- my right to know- my right to say no- they didn't matter to you at all?"
She had nothing to say to that. Truthfully… they hadn't. None of those things had occurred to her at all, not during any stage of the plan.
"But- but if that was the plan- why didn't you go through with it?" he asked dully. "You could've just left me completely in the dark, your happy little pawn, totally oblivious to everything."
She bit her lip. "Because you were Adrien, and I hadn't known you as well as I'd thought- in OR out of costume. I- I needed time to think. To understand." And also because I'm in love with you. She figured that was one secret she should keep for now. This wasn't the time for a love confession.
He barked out a laugh. "You barely know me as Adrien!"
She shook her head. "No, I do. Or well… I spend a lot of time around you at least." She couldn't rightly say she'd known him well, not when she hadn't even been able to comprehend the possibility that her two favorite blond boys were one and the same.
Taking a deep breath, she said the words that might break her ability to have any sort of relationship with Chat, to be around Adrien at all, in any combination of costumes. "Tikki, Spots off."
The magic whooshed over her, leaving her in her normal black jacket and white shirt. She felt strangely vulnerable without her super suit.
"Marinette," Chat said. He sounded almost... resigned. "Of course it's you."
"Adrien…" she reached out towards him.
He backed away. "I- I just- I need some time," he told her, his voice cracking. Without another word, he extended his stick, launching himself into the night.
She stared at him helplessly, arm still extended, before breaking down sobbing, sure that she'd lost two of the most precious people to her forever.
Chat ran.
He couldn't be around Ladybug- around Marinette. Not after finding out- finding out EVERYTHING.
At least, he hoped it was everything. Any more, and he'd break.
If he wasn't broken already.
After running, jumping, and helicoptering halfway across the city, he gradually started to slow down. Tears formed in his eyes. "Why? How? She- she-!"
She'd walked up to him, taken his hands in hers, told him earnestly while looking into his eyes that they should both know each other's identities, talked about how it would help them fight against Shadowmoth more effectively, and beat him faster.
It had all been a lie.
Even her seeming shyness when he'd proposed that she detransform first, or that they both detransform together - he'd thought it was a moment of vulnerability from her, an expression of her nervousness as they prepared to enter a new era of their partnership.
Turned out it was just a tool, a way to maneuver him how she needed to, in order to execute her plan.
"Wonder if that makes me her Lucky Charm?" He asked himself mockingly.
She'd just- she'd just considered his ability to make his own decisions, to maybe, possibly, not do what she'd wanted him to do, a minor inconvenience - nothing more. Just a hiccup in her plot, something easily rectified with a little ingenuity.
He touched down in a nearby park. Finding the most out-of-the-way, random boulder, he brought his stick down, smashing it into rubble.
"Do you often come to my house at night to smash rocks?" a familiar voice asked dryly.
He turned around, his eyes widening. "Kagami?"
Blinking, he took a closer look around. He hadn't really been thinking about where he was heading. Unknowingly, unconsciously, he'd run to the Tsurugi's yard, where Kagami normally sparred with her mother.
He rubbed his neck self-consciously. "Sorry, I wasn't really thinking straight, I thought this was a public park. I'll get out of your hair." He turned away.
A hand grabbed his wrist. "No, wait," Kagami said. "That need to destroy something, to take your feelings out on something - I know what it's like. I did something similar, just before getting akumatized into Oni-Chan."
He blinked. "You smashed a rock?"
"Actually I cut down a tree, but the principle is the same. I believe it would be better if you do not get to a point where Shadowmoth could akumatize you. You should stay and talk."
He chuckled. Kagami, as blunt and to the point as ever.
"I don't know how much it'll help," he told her bitterly. "I- I don't know what CAN help with this."
"I've always found sparring to be helpful in working through my feelings. Do you fence?"
He smiled. "I think you'll find I'm a cat-tastic fencer," he preened, letting a little of his usual Chat Noir bravado seep through.
She reached down into her bag, bringing out her foil. "Then this will be an exciting match."
He blinked. "You just-?" then shook his head. At this point he shouldn't be surprised that she just carted her weapon around wherever she went.
"You ready?" she asked, raising her weapon.
He nodded, raising his stick as well.
"Then let's begin."
Rhythmically he thrust, parried, and dodged, losing himself in the familiar comfort of sparring with his ex-girlfriend. Though it was a lot easier in the suit - his reaction time improved, his blows had more strength (though he reined it in), and his footwork became faster. Not that it was a one-sided bout- Kagami was holding her own impressively well.
"You know, the way you're going, you might actually be able to beat an akuma even without a Miraculous," he said, only half-joking.
She gave a small nod, not taking her eyes off of him. "I'm counting on it. Of course, I'll have to actually have my foil on me. The mic stand had some nice reach, but was unbalanced, and ultimately I didn't get the chance to hit Desperada herself. Throwing a chair at Style Queen was effective, but one time use only. Fencing Collector was mostly effective, until he stole my foil. I believe with other akumas who can't neutralize it as easily, I may be able to stop them myself."
"I don't doubt it."
After several minutes of fighting, they began slowing down, striking fewer, less forceful blows.
"Do you wish to talk about… whatever the problem is?" Kagami asked at last.
He sighed. "Ladybug broke my trust. Majorly. And I don't know where to go from here."
Kagami blocked his strike. "That doesn't sound like her."
"I used to think that too. Then she kept leaving me out of the loop, keeping things hidden from me. Things that I'd only find out accidentally, second-hand. Except- except for this last time." He grimaced. "At least she decided to tell me about it herself. If I'd had to find out on my own…" He didn't want to think about it. It was bad enough without that added sting.
"It was that bad?"
How much to tell her? Some things he had to keep secret, but if he kept it vague- "She kept hidden from me some changes she made to the team, some things that could change what I do on the battlefield. She's let other people know each other's identities, even though she's always said we're forbidden to. But that's minor compared to what she did recently."
He dodged a blow, bending backwards in a way that he was 90% sure he wouldn't have been able to move without Plagg's assistance. "She lied to me, told me we were going to have a full reveal, all while wearing a headset so that Lu- so that someone could listen in on my identity, so he could give it to someone else who I can't stand. Then reset the timeline so I wouldn't suspect anything had even happened."
Kagami paused. "What?!"
He grimaced. "Yeah. That was about my reaction, too. It was a bitter pill to swallow. I- I never expected that from her."
She thrust forwards. "I know what it's like, you know. To find out that someone you care about lied to you, repeatedly. And not know what to do with that information afterwards, to have trouble reconciling it with the person you thought you knew."
He winced. She did know, didn't she? He'd had to lie to her constantly to keep his identity secret. He didn't regret doing that - he hadn't had much of a choice - but he hated how badly it'd hurt her. He - him as Adrien - had rekindled their friendship, but it wasn't nearly as close as it once was. Trust, once broken, is not easily mended.
He hadn't had much of a choice back then - but what about now? Ladybug - Marinette - had told someone her identity. Why shouldn't he get to tell someone his? Someone he trusted, someone who'd been hurt by his having to lie.
"Adrien didn't want to lie to you, you know?" he said quietly. "But his secret- he had to keep it. Even if it meant lying to the people he cared about."
She narrowed her eyes. "How did you know I was talking about Adrien?" she asked suspiciously.
He stepped back, ending the bout. She did the same. "Can you keep a secret?" he asked.
She studied him for a moment, trying to figure out where he was going with this. Finally she nodded.
"Claws in."
Kagami sucked in a breath. "Adrien."
He smiled sheepishly. "I never wanted to lie to you. I wasn't trying to avoid you. But between akumas, sentimonsters, and patrols, I kept on needing to run out on you all the same. I'm sorry I hurt you along the way," he said softly.
She closed her eyes for a moment. "I always knew you had sincerity in you." She opened her eyes, smiling. "I'm glad I was right."
"After- after we broke up- how did you cope?" he asked quietly. "How did you get to the point where you could stand to even be in the same room with me, to where we could talk again, after everything that happened?"
"Time," she said. "That, and realizing that someone else was far more in love with you than I'd ever been. It allowed me to let go, to concentrate on getting you two to see what was in front of you, rather than just thinking about what might have been."
He looked at her questioningly. "Someone's in love with me? Who?"
"That's up to her to tell, assuming she can ever work up the courage," she said.
He hummed for a moment. As much as he was dying to know, he knew Kagami. If she said it wasn't her place to tell, then it was no use pressing further.
"I don't think I can do that," he said finally. "I can't just keep my distance from her. We fight akumas together. We can't afford it."
The 'find someone who was more in love with Ladybug- with Marinette-' part wouldn't be so hard at least. Probably. She had her eyes set on her Buttercup, whoever he was. As soon as she finally confessed to him, she'd get her fairy tale romance she'd always wanted.
The thought wasn't as bitter as he'd thought it would be.
"Do you still believe in her at all?" Kagami asked. "Do you think Ladybug's completely lost? Or do you see sincerity in her as well?"
He thought back to Ladybug's explanation, to her expression as she'd explained everything, laid out her thought process for every decision she made, as well as she was able to.
"I think I do," he said. For the first time since his world had been turned upside-down, he felt a tiny ray of hope.
Chat helicoptered onto the tower. Between talking with Kagami and getting some sleep, he felt a lot calmer than he'd been yesterday. Still, it was a good thing they had today off from school. He wasn't sure how he'd have handled seeing Marinette again, before they'd had time to really talk.
Ladybug touched down on the walkway in front of him, stumbling on the landing. He winced.
She was a mess. He'd thought she looked a little off yesterday, like she hadn't slept very well. Today she looked like she hadn't slept for a week. Her hair was in its signature pigtails, but frayed near the ponytail holders, with stray hairs floating freely. She stood uncertainly, looking like even a slight push could send her toppling over. Even her mask couldn't hide the bags under her eyes. Still, he wasn't able to keep himself from surreptitiously checking her ears, just to make sure she wasn't talking to someone remotely, ready to trigger a Second Chance if things went wrong.
Her ears were clear.
"I told someone else my identity. Someone I trust," he said, his eyes boring into hers, daring her to tell him he wasn't allowed to divulge his identity without her permission, or to demand to know who his confidant was so she could vet their trustworthiness.
Ladybug simply nodded.
"So what now?" she asked. "I'm- I'm guessing you don't want to be partners anymore? Not that I blame you…" She sounded like she was about to cry.
He walked to the railing, looking out to the city. "Paris needs its protectors," he said finally. "That hasn't changed." He turned to face her. "Even after everything, you're still my partner."
Ladybug's eyes grew wet. He fought back the urge to give her a hug. "Don't get me wrong, I'm still upset about being kept out of the loop, and especially with being lied to and manipulated. I- I trusted you. A lot. And now- now I don't."
He let out a deep sigh. "But I want to. You've been one of my closest friends, as both Adrien AND Chat Noir. I don't think there's anyway to just- just quickly fix this, to make things go back to the way they were before. But maybe we can still fight alongside each other anyway. Like you said back when we fought Crocoduel: it's no reason to stop talking to each other."
His partner stared at him for a moment, eyes wide, before breaking down in tears. This time, he gave in, hugging her tightly, and for a moment, everything felt right.
After a minute of hugging, he drew back. "This can't happen again," he said firmly. "If we're partners, that means I need a say in things, to be included in decisions, to at least know what's going on, and not be left out without very solid reason for it."
She nodded, before burying her face in his chest. "I- I know," she said shakily, her voice slightly muffled. Drawing back, she looked up at him. "Is- is there anything else? Anything that could help?"
He thought for a moment. "Well- there's something that's been bothering me for awhile," he said slowly. "It probably doesn't matter at this point, so much has happened since then, but- the first time you kept something from me, when you called me over and said you suspected that Father was Hawkmoth - why did you think that? I know you pointed out the butterfly logos and that he's a recluse, but something else pointed you towards him in the first place."
"Oh. That. Well you see, he owned this book-" her eyes widened. "Oh CRAP you were the one with the book."
He tilted his head. "Uh. What book?"
"The one with all the pictures of Miraculous Wielders, remember? Tikki recognized it and insisted I take it." She frowned. "But, wait- if you had it, why didn't Plagg make you take it to Master Fu? That's how I 'officially' met him: Tikki needed me to take it to the Guardian. Did Plagg not ask you to, or had you just not gotten the opportunity yet?"
He snorted. "You think Plagg knew what it was? He said it looked familiar, then got bored and demanded more cheese."
If Plagg had recognized it, had insisted he take it to Fu… how much would've changed? He wouldn't have been left out of the loop from the start. He'd have been the one doling out Miraculous, visiting the Guardian on a regular basis, learning what he'd need to know if - when - something happened to Fu. None of this whole mess would've happened.
Such a small change, with such a big impact.
Wait, but- "Why did you think Father owning the book meant that he was Hawkmoth?" he asked, confused. "Because it's related to the Miraculous?"
"Actually, it was Fu's theory," she admitted. "On the day the Guardians' temple was destroyed, he lost three things: the Butterfly and Peacock Miraculous, and the Miraculous Grimoire. He believed that the same person who had the Butterfly Miraculous probably had the Grimoire as well, since they were lost together. But Gabriel was akumatized, so we scrapped that idea. Though, come to think of it-"
She hesitated, indecision written across her face.
"What is it? What're you thinking about?" he asked urgently.
She held back a moment longer, wincing. "You're not going to like this, but… isn't it weird how Gabriel just happened to be the very next person akumatized, after finding out his book, evidence that linked him to the Miraculous, and maybe even to Hawkmoth, was stolen? Plus he has an accomplice, he could've gotten her to akumatize him. Or maybe even akumatized himself, I still need to finish deciphering the notes on the Butterfly Miraculous, he might've been able to do that somehow."
Dread slowly crept up his spine. It made sense. And- and he couldn't say his father wouldn't do it. Even back when she'd first proposed the idea, he'd thought it was possible. Father had only sunk lower since then.
"I hope you're wrong," he said, "but I'll be careful."
She nodded, looking at him worriedly. He didn't blame her. Bad enough thinking that HE might be in the line of fire, that he might've been fighting against his own father this entire time. If he'd thought there was a chance that Marinette was sleeping in the lion's den every night… he might not be happy with her right now, but that didn't mean he wanted her to be in danger or to get hurt.
"I don't want anything to happen to you," she said quietly, stepping forwards. She tripped on thin air. He caught her just before she hit the floor.
"Do you want an escort home?" he asked. "I think this sleep-deprived bug needs a nap."
She groaned. "That would be great."
As he extended his staff, following Ladybug as she swung home, he smiled. Things weren't exactly okay between them, but they weren't totally destroyed either. And maybe now, they'd have a chance to get better.