It may be hard to believe, but until I was nine, I haven't met anyone that was reaped for the Hunger Games. Since the schools are divided and every family have a lot of children is impossible to know everyone. So, the names of the boys and girls sent to the arena did not meant anything for me. I felt sorry, but glad that they were not my loved ones.

The last reapings have been hard for our family, today five members of the Gadeer Clan were in the middle of the crowd of possible tributes. Only James and I are safe. Or as safe as we could be. I can see my best friend with his family looking around nervously. This will be Hunter Treeston first reaping, my Sunshine first time at the center of this horror show. I couldn't tell him it was going to be ok, or that he only has his name once, like dad did to James so many years ago.

The economy of District 10 was not going well in the past few years after a virus attacked some farms and made the animals die. Now being a child from the second school did not meant you aren't going for tesserae as each season the parents and kids decide to risk their lives for a little bit more of grains and oil. My family haven't made this choice, until now. But Sunshine's family did. His name was there three times, less then the amount of the people that live with him since his older sister shared the burden.

But every extra piece almost gave me an anxiety attack.

I cling on my brother's hand as we watch our siblings stand there, trying to look brave and relaxed instead of terrified. My other hand grab tighter the flower crowns I made, only paying half attention on how I accidentally smashed some of them. It was our private joke. The victors are granted a crown that resemble a laurel wreath made of gold to show they won the Games, that they survived more than the others twenty-three kids. Our crown, however meant that we survive the reaping, I made them every single year since I was able to braid them and give to all my siblings that attend the event.

Our escort, the Bloody Man, or Aster Lowtrop as he was called, approach the balls and I close my eyes to pray. Not William, my lazy brother that prefers to sleep under the oak tree while he was supposed to watch the cows. Not Harper, who is experiencing her first love and blushes every time we talk his name in the dinner table. Not Chloe, that enjoys painting and draw all over our shared room. Not Chris and Charlie, my playful twins that love confusing people in who is who and playing pranks. Not Sunshine, my best friend which I can tell even my most illogical thoughts without being afraid of his reaction. Anyone, but them.

I can breathe again when I don't hear their names and took a couple of seconds to understand while Harper look like she was going to cry and why Hunter seemed like he was punched. The ones reaped were not my loved ones, but they were loved by them.

Emilia Treeston and Elijah Firetrant. My best friend sister that used to take us to the Snake River so we could play on the summer days and my older sister boyfriend that brings me and Chloe small sugar treats saying that he needs to won their sisters-in-law too. They were the tributes from our district for the 63 Hunger Games.

And they won't survive. Emilia is only 14 and even thought Elijah is 16 he fell from a horse a couple months ago and his leg haven't fully recovered yet. Looking for the victors faces they seem to agree.

Both die in the bloodbath. At least was quick. This year as the victor, the boy from district one, whose sister had won the previous year, came to our district for his tour I can see the shadows in his eyes as he look to the face of the fallen, one which he killed. No one win the Hunger Games. You only survive to it. And Gloss Ritchsun, despite training all his life for this moment and made an excited speech about how it is a glory seemed to realize it.

Things changed for the Treeston family after this. Emilia was the oldest child and was considered responsible for her three younger siblings, Hunter and the twins: Anna and Heather. Now that she is gone, Sunshine became the oldest and need to take care of the girls. Even more since his mother felt into a deep depression after seen her daughter been killed in the television and refused to leave her bed, withering day after day until was a matter of when instead of if.

I can't say I understand her. I never passed for something like this and even if I have children in this life, they would never take part in the games. But with her in that state and Mr. Treeston having to work even more to feed their family, the burden in Hunter's shoulders grew. And himself was still a child.

I tried to help, and spent most of my free hours with them doing whatever I could and taking the kids to the same part of the river that Emilia used to bring us. But I could see how Sunshine was closing to the world, smiling every day less until his contagious laughter that captivate me in the rooftop years ago became something rare.

While the girls played, we talk about anything between the heaven and the Earth, and there I confessed that I was forgetting things and how this terrify me. And he gave me the answer. So simple, yet not really.

Write it down. Everything.

I couldn't actually write everything about the past or the future, since if I was founded would be called crazy in the best option and take to the Capitol in the worst. However, there were things I could keep. Stories and music. I don't have the ability or the memory to re-write the whole Moby Dick, but I could write the plot of Romeo and Juliet, Harry Potter and so many others that mark my life in the before.

And the songs… I still haven't figure out if I am as tone-deaf as I was before. But even if I can't sing them, I can find someone that can. And then someday I would be able to listen them again.

Its not much. But is that I am allowed to keep.