"So you're saying that this kid walked straight up to your front door and tried to kill you all?"
Xin looked visibly annoyed from behind her desk, Ryuu and Riku sitting in her lap. She had one arm wrapped around them, anchoring them to her stomach while she tried focus on her work. She'd been telling Jura all about Yuma and Souji. "Basically," she answered tonelessly.
"And you…let him get away?"
Xin glanced up at Jura, squinting thoughtfully. Everyone seemed less surprised by the fact that someone was actively trying to kill her family and more concerned about the fact that Yuma and Souji escaped. Sure, it was a little out of the ordinary but her children, her defenseless babies, were in danger.
"What exactly do you think of me, Jura?" Xin asked slowly, still squinting.
The burly brunet stiffened at his place at the window. He glanced down at the bluenette and grimaced. "I'm afraid to answer."
"Oh, for Kaguya's sake. I'm not going to hurt you with my children sitting on my lap."
"But you could," he shot back. He wasn't ashamed to admit that Xin scared the shit out of him. Yes, she could but she wasn't going to. She rolled her eyes and waved his concerns away. "I don't know, Xin. You're scary as fuck. This Yuma kid must be really desperate or really stupid. I think it's an unwritten law that no one should fuck with you."
She snorted and turned her eyes back to the stack of documents she was supposed to be filling out. Most of them, to her delight, were admittisons to the mental facility clinic. She knew it would be hard for a lot of Suna's villagers to even admit that they were having trouble with their mental state and that was the reason she decided to be open about her troubles.
Xin had a reputation around Suna, not only as the Kazekage's wife but as a kunoichi. If she suffered from trauma and was open about it, maybe others would feel more comfortable admitting to their own trauma. Lucky for her, it seemed to work. Most of the admissions, she noted somberly, were around her age. There were a few that were older and even two or three children.
"Doesn't mean they won't try," she sighed after a moment of thinking. "Normally, I wouldn't really stress if someone wanted to end me."
"But this is about Ryuu and Riku. I get it, Xin. I can't believe I'm saying this but I think you need to snap those fuckers' necks already."
Xin leaned her head back and laughed. "You're telling me. I need to figure out why this Yuma kid is still alive anyway."
"Right, why was the family killed in the first place?"
"I don't know, I think they were planning to hire someone to assassinate Konoha's daimyo. That sounds about right."
Jura whistled, impressed. "You took out an entire family on your own, it'd be hard to believe if I weren't aware of what you're capable of."
Xin glanced down at Ryuu and Riku. It was getting close to lunch time and they were beginning to wriggle in her lap. She eyed the stack of files but decided to handle it later. She had about twenty minutes before the twins got fed up with waiting.
Jura obediently took Riku and quietly walked her out of the hospital. "I'm not proud of it, you know. Killing that entire family. At the time I was, it was for the greater good or some shit like that. Yuma has a right to be angry with me."
He was frowning as he stared down at her. "We've all done things we aren't proud of for the greater good, Xin. Don't beat yourself up."
"I just wish I knew why the fuck this Yuma kid is still alive," Xin grumbled in irritation. She could not, for the life of her, remember anything else about the Kutsuki family. Gaara and Kankuro advised her not to stress about it but she ignored them.
"Does it really matter? You're going to kill him whether you remember why or not."
"No one wants to die unknown," Xin shrugged carelessly. It was her paranoia and obsession that drove her into wanting the nitty gritty details. Xin was stellar at her job, she didn't make mistakes. Not back then when she was young and desperate for success and praise. Yuma was a smudge on her perfect record and she couldn't let that go. Reformed or not.
But Jura was right, she was going to snap that motherfucker's neck regardless.
They changed the subject after that, enjoying a more pleasant conversation as Jura walked her to the Kage's tower. It wasn't necessary, she insisted at least twice, but the burly brunet just shrugged it off. She wondered if Gaara had something to do with Jura's constant presence. Jura handed Riku over once they made it to the tower. The babe made grabby hands for his mother, causing them to grin as she readjusted both him and Ryuu in her arms. It was hard to stay agitated when she had the two of them unintentionally making her smile.
She made her way up the stairs, cursing with every step. "Why the fuck are there so many steps?" she asked the minute she opened the door.
Gaara glanced up at her with squinted eyes. "You're a ninja, Xin."
"So?"
"You don't have to walk up the stairs. You're capable of using Chakra and jumping."
She stared at him for a long time. "I'm your wife, don't undermine me in front of the children." Her face turned a deep red because honestly, she hadn't thought of that. She ignored Gaara's obvious amusement and handed his children over to him to focus on the lunch waiting patiently for them. She'd forgotten about lunch that morning but it seemed Gaara handled it.
She shook out the mats used for tummy time and after setting both babies down on their stomachs, they settled down on the floor for lunch. It was a little strange for Suna Shinobi to pop in only to see the stone-faced Kazekage sitting on the floor with his wife and kids but they were slowly getting used to it.
"Did you tell Jura to keep an eye on me? He's been around more often than not," Xin asked once they were comfortably eating. She watched in amusement as Ryuu and Riku began wriggling around their mats, reaching blindly for one another.
Gaara nodded, seeing no point in lying. "Your life is in danger, Xin."
"You don't think I can handle some kid?"
"You have Ryuu and Riku with you constantly. We shouldn't risk their safety. If Yuma decides to attack you, you can at least give the boys to Jura."
"Huh. That makes sense. Good thinking," Xin said with raised eyebrows. "I'm heading to the greenhouse after this, why don't you join us?"
Much to her surprise, Gaara had an interest in gardening far beyond just cactus plants. While Xin worked with plants for the sake of herbs and toxins to use for the hospital or study, Gaara simply enjoyed the action of simply gardening. He kept the hobby mostly to himself and he tended to be far too busy but lately she'd been trying to find reasons for him to come to the greenhouse. It made sense though, given his potted cacti plants.
Besides, Baki thought it was a good idea if the Kazekage was seen frequently around the village with his wife and children accompanying him. Something about image, Xin remembered. She, for one, did not mind a leisurely afternoon with Gaara.
When they finished their lunch and the twins were fed, they made their way to the greenhouse. It was a large building and Xin wondered what Gaara might think of having more greenhouses built. Truthfully she wanted to get her hands on more herbs and flowers that grew in the other nations and was thinking of possible trade negotiations. Of course, she'd have to fight with the council about the cost of more greenhouses…
God, she hated those motherfuckers.
She twisted the baby slip around her body until Ryuu was firmly anchored to her back. Riku, on the other hand, was placed in a cradle that was made from Gaara's sand. It floated next to him and though Xin eyed it apprehensively, she remained quiet.
The couple separated after that with Gaara picking his way over to a section solely for cacti plants while Xin made her rounds to make sure the flora was growing as expected. It was tedious work but she liked it, it was calming. Sometimes her fingers twitched erratically, like they still weren't used to handling plants with such care. Sometimes she could see her fingers wrapped around someone's throat instead of the plants. Sometimes all she could see were bloodstained fingers.
But that was only sometimes.
"Xin?"
She blinked out of stupor and glanced at Gaara. He was standing next to her, eyeing her carefully. Riku was at his hip, unaware that he was being cradled in sand that still smelled of blood. She pursed her lips at the sight but still said nothing about it.
"Did you remember something?"
"Only that I'm psychotic," she muttered quietly. He was hardly impressed, elbowing her in the side. She looked back at her hands but they were clean of blood. Pale, speckled with dirt from the plants and decorated with small scars but clean of blood. She blinked at them but the blood didn't return.
Gaara was watching her quietly, waiting for her to work out the memory. Whatever memory it was, it wasn't a good one. It was always easy to tell which kind of memories she was recalling. Her eyes always glazed over sadly when a bad memory resurfaced and she had a tendency to stare at her hands.
He glanced down at her hands. They were the same but he was missing something. Small, pale and slender, decorated with her patchwork of scars and her wedding rings. Nothing out of the ordinary but she was seeing something completely different.
"That kid was right, you know," she suddenly said, eyes still trained on her hands. He already knew what she meant without having to say much.
Gaara took a deep breath. This would be a constant battle for their rest of their lives, it seemed. "Xin, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You've paid for the things you've done."
"But the memories—"
"Are just memories. It doesn't matter what you've done back then. What matters now is how you atone for the mistakes each and every day." He reached for her and tucked her thick hair behind her ear. Almost casually, he slotted the stem of a flower behind her ear, the bulb resting prettily against her temple.
She blinked rapidly, surprised by the flower now resting behind her ear. Honestly, she should be a little annoyed that he was picking her damn flowers but a girlish blush spread across her nose. It was ridiculous, she mused that the simple act of being gifted a plucked flower from her husband could cause her to blush.
Riku gurgled, eliciting their attention. Still in the sand cradle, Riku wriggled and whined. Ryuu was silent at her back but she could feel him beginning to wriggle as well, though his movements were stilted since he was pinned to her back.
Gaara picked up Riku with ease, the sand slithering back into the gourd hanging at his hip. Riku continued to fuss even when his father patted at his back. "Nap time?" Gaara asked, eyeing Ryuu as he scrunched up his face at Xin's back.
She reached forward, caressing the nape of Riku's neck with her knuckles. It seemed to do the trick, soothing him as he stopped fussing. She smiled softly, eyeing his dark hair. Dark like hers though she wished it was red like Gaara's hair. She wished her children looked more like him, less like her. Her damn genes were far too strong, she grumbled.
"Nap time," she nodded with a sigh. If she didn't get them home and napping soon, they'd be up all night. She glanced around her, she was only halfway done with her work but she supposed it would have to wait. She wouldn't get any work done if the twins started their wailing and screeching.
They left the greenhouse, each cradling a fussy child in their arms. They stopped their fussing the moment a gaggle of older women stopped them, cooing and chortling over the Kazekage's children. Xin and Gaara were patient, allowing them to spoil their sons with attention. The older women eyed the flower still tucked behind her ear and their chortles continued. It didn't take a genius to figure out who gave her the flower, if her blush was anything to go by. Gaara, on the other hand, remained calmly stoic.
The gaggle of women finally relented, letting them return home to tuck the twins away for naptime. As they usually did, they waited until they were fast asleep, both leaning against the crib's railing.
"Shira, Yome and Sen have been assigned to watch over you and the boys until we come home tonight," Gaara said in a calm tone, knowing she wouldn't like that one bit. Her shoulders tightened but she kept her anger at bay, lest she wanted to wake the babies.
"I don't need a babysitter, Gaara," Xin replied in a strained whisper. He definitely picked the perfect time to tell her. "I'm perfectly capable of kicking the shit out of those two morons if they decide to pull another stupid stunt."
"The same can't be said for Ryuu and Riku."
"Clones are a thing."
He hardly seemed impressed. "Xin, I know it's in your nature to fight and argue at every turn—" he ignored her look of indignation. "If we didn't have Ryuu and Riku to worry about, I'm sure such lengths would be unnecessary."
It was the truth, he knew Xin was more than capable of taking care of herself. She'd shown time and time again why it was such a bad idea to fuck with her but he wasn't going to risk his children's safety. Not when Yuma had no problem throwing an exploding tag at them.
She stared up at him, the silence of the tense moment stretching far too long before giving in. She sighed irritably and lost the tension in her shoulders, slumping as she did so. It almost sounded like he couldn't trust her enough to protect their children. Of course, that's not what he was saying at all but the thought festered.
"I won't run this risk of losing all three of you just because you thrive on danger."
That managed to get a laugh out of her. "Fine, fine, you win," she huffed in disdain. "If we die, you can blame Shira and his team."
"You're not funny."
Xin hummed and followed him out of the nursery. There was a certain part of her that abhorred the mere thought of her playing the role of a dutiful housewife and mother. You're a kunoichi, it sneered, the best among the best! Yet here she was, looking after children and keeping house. How the mighty fall.
But she shook that thought away. Sure, her life wasn't full of danger at every turn but she liked how things turned out. She had a family who loved her, children that she adored and a career that would help the future generations. Of course it was so terribly different from the life she led before but that life was steadily leading her to an early grave. She was still the best among the best.
"Be good, Xin," Gaara said as they paused by the front door.
She raised her eyebrows at him. "I'm always good," she sidled up to him with a swing of her hips. "But I think you prefer it when I'm bad." She grinned with a wink and leaned up on the tip of her toes, pressing her mouth against his jaw. She managed to get her arms around his neck and trailed her lips along his jaw to his lips.
She smiled into the kiss, curling into him. So maybe she wasn't thrilled that he felt the need to have Shinobi watching her but she could understand where he was coming from. Wasn't she the same one reminding him that she would probably die first anyway? No sense in getting her kids caught in the crossfire if he could help it.
Gaara was just relieved that she wasn't having a complete fit. He knew she would hate the idea of Shinobi following her around but it was for the twins' safety. If Yuma had come seeking revenge before the twins were born, he would've hardly paid it any mind. But that wasn't the case this time around. He wasn't going to stand by and let his wife get herself killed.
He tried not to think about it at the moment, hands dipping instead underneath Xin's shirt. Her skin was delightfully warm and she was so very alive and for one lone moment, everything was just fine.
Satisfied for the time being, he untangled himself from Xin. "Don't give Shira a hard time. I'll be back later." She mockingjay rolled her eyes but nodded and kissed him goodbye. She stood at the door for a long time, watching him until he eventually vanished from her sight.
Ume curled around her legs, mewling innocently. "Well, Ume," she scooped the black ball of fur up, cuddling her to her chest. "Just you and me while the Wonder Twins sleep."
She puttered around the house, getting things done while Ryuu and Riku slept peacefully upstairs. It wasn't until she was about to start on dinner when an idea struck her. She smiled to herself, carefully putting together three bento boxes before carrying them with her to the front door.
She stepped outside, humming when the weakening sun rays washed over her skin. Her eyes searched the surrounding buildings. Shira and his team were carefully hidden out of sight, she noted. However, even if Gaara hadn't told her that they'd be there, she would have noticed them regardless.
"Shira?"
Almost immediately, the stern-faced Shinobi appeared in front of her. She didn't know Shira all that well but she'd been told that like Lee, he was a master at Taijutsu. Gaara praised his skills and she wondered how she would fare against him in a sparring match. Honestly, Shira's entire team interested her. Maybe they'd be willing to spar with her.
"Is something wrong, milady?" Shira asked, his composure calm and collected. The Kazekage had warned him about his wife beforehand that she wouldn't like the idea of being looked after. They weren't there to necessarily protect her, she could do that just fine on her own and having them around was like an insult.
"Wrong?" Xin raised her eyebrows. "Oh, nothing's wrong," she waved the notion off. Sen had commented that the woman was a little quirky. She was disarming, if anything. "I made bento for you and your teammates."
He blinked down at the offering. He had heard a lot of different things about the Kazekage's wife once he came back to settle in Suna. Some good, some bad but everyone could agree on her strange sort of generosity. She was almost forceful with it. "Milady, that's generous of you but I can't take it."
She made a face and shoved the bento boxes at his chest. "Of course you can take it." Definitely forceful. "I made it for you guys. You've been out here long enough and I'm guessing you'll be here until Gaara comes home. So take it."
"Milady—"
"I'll break something on you. Those are ingredients that'll go to waste and we wouldn't want that, yeah?" She was smiling despite her casual threat and though Shira wasn't easy to intimidate, he found himself eyeing her warily. He supposed this was the 'bad' he'd heard so much about.
Well, to be fair, he hasn't heard much. Whispers, gossip mostly, of her easy affinity for violence. Like other Suna Shinobi, he chalked it up easily, given the fact that she was Konoha-bred. Not that he had anything bad to say about their Shinobi but it went without saying that Shinobi from Konoha were cut from a different cloth.
It wasn't wise to argue against this woman, he realized blankly and so he gave in. "Thank you, milady. You're too kind," Shira decided, hands curling around the bento boxes. "Sen and Yome will be glad to have something to eat."
Her smile shifted, it became less threatening and strained and more genuine. It's easy to see, with a smile like that, why so many would be willing to overlook or even ignore her more abrasive side.
"Glad to be of service, I should let you get back to work. If you three need anything, don't hesitate to ask!"
He waited until she vanished back inside to leave, joining his teammates. "Everything okay?" Yome asked immediately, her orange eyes darting back and forth between him and the Kazekage's house. Sen, however, was eyeing the stacked bento boxes.
"She made us lunch," Shira explained simply, offering up the prepared meals.
Sen smiled at the sight and reached for one of them. "I told you she was nice."
Yome nodded quietly and took her bento as well. "She made the carpenters cupcakes when they finished the mental health ward."
So the Lady was a little odd, abrasive even but not bad. She couldn't possibly be bad, not when she was baking cupcakes and preparing bento boxes. Shira repeated that over and over in his head as they began their lunch.
Still, he couldn't quite shake that odd feeling in his gut.
Xin once told Gaara that she hated Konoha. Not in the sense that she wanted to burn the place to the ground, she was past the point in her life. Konoha would always be a constant reminder for her, of everything she's done wrong and that she simply couldn't get it right in Konoha.
There was always a bittersweet feeling in her chest whenever she thought of her birthplace. She often wondered if she would ever tell her children about Konoha. Sure, she had family and friends but she couldn't tell her children the good without the bad, could she? It almost felt like she'd be lying to them.
She sighed heavily, head craned back to stare up at Konoha's gates. She wasn't necessarily happy to be back, feeling like an outsider but the trip to Konoha was necessary. Gaara wasn't the least bit happy about it, especially when she asked to go alone. Kankuro wasn't happy either but that's only because she'd be gone for far too long, leaving them with the twins.
Her arms felt empty and something in chest ached. She realized the minute she left Suna that she missed her sons terribly. So terribly that she almost gave up on the trip but she held fast, the trip to Konoha was necessary.
Souji and Yuma had been quiet for weeks following their impromptu assault and in Xin's book, that wasn't good. They were hiding away, probably planning their next attack. Well, she had no time for it. She was getting to the bottom of this mystery surrounding Yuma and the death of his family and that meant visiting Konoha.
"Same old Konoha," she mumbled, expertly navigating the bustling village. She wondered if she'd have time to stop and visit with her friends and family but shook the thought away. Business first.
Kakashi and Shikamaru were surprised to see her step into the office. She noted in amusement that stacks and stacks of folders, files and books nearly reached the ceiling. The office was a mess but it was a controlled mess so she kept her twitching fingers to herself.
"What a pleasant surprise," Kakashi greeted her.
"Is it?" Shikamaru eyed her. "You're here without the twins so this can't be a social visit."
"Is that any way to greet your favorite sister-in-law?" Xin asked with a smile.
"You're my only sister-in-law."
"Yet the question remains unanswered," she quipped. "But this isn't a social visit so kudos to you for figuring that out. I'm here to ask a favor of Lord Sixth." Kakashi waved the formalities off. He'd been the most easy-going Hokage to date and was often uncomfortable with his friends and the kids he watched grow up calling him anything other than his name or Sensei. It didn't feel right. "I just need to look at some old mission reports."
The Kage eyed her, cheek resting against his fist. "Is that all, Xin?" he asked in a casual drawl. "That's a rather simple request, what do you need with old mission reports?"
"Information," she answered truthfully.
"Something from your past haunting you? Something you can't remember?" Kakashi pressed, his voice never changing in pitch or tone. She stared back at the Kage but slowly nodded.
"What's going on, Xin?" Shikamaru prompted, eyeing her very serious expression. It wasn't like her to wear such a serious expression, not these days anyway. Xin's stony disposition reminded him of her ANBU days.
"There's a kid who wants to kill me, he tracked me down to Suna and tried to blow my house up. My kids were inside. I killed his family—he claims I did. I just want to solidify his claims before I kill him."
"And there it is," Shikamaru nodded before looking at Kakashi. Honestly he couldn't see the harm in allowing her to look at the old mission report. Especially since she was the one to carry the mission out. She was the one who wrote the mission up. "The kids are alright, aren't they?"
"Gaara protected the house but I'm not willing to risk them anymore. Gaara's got Shinobi following me around like tracking dogs."
"Yet you're here alone?"
"Truce or no truce, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want a team of Suna Shinobi poking around Konoha's archive."
"Lena always said you were the smart one."
"Oh, she did not."
But Kakashi only smiled at her and she wondered if her dead Sensei really thought she was smart. "I see no harm in it and it's not like you'd find answers any other way since I'm assuming you were the only one involved in that mission."
"Now who's the smart one?" Xin grinned and for a lone moment, Kakashi saw that mischievous twelve year old girl again. He waved her away, trusting her enough to get what she needed without disrupting anything. She thanked him for the opportunity and quickly set off for the archives. It took her some time to find what she was looking for, the mission was already five years old but she eventually found it.
The Kutsuki family, a high-class family consisting of the head of the household, his wife and their three children. She found no traces of Yuma but she kept reading. They were supporters of the Fire Daimyo until the relationship eventually soured. Which was bound to happen, every high class family thought too highly of themselves.
But to be fair, she often thought the Fire Daimyo was a fickle idiot.
Anyway, the Kutsuki family were indeed planning on having the Daimyo assassinated. Despite Xin's less than stellar opinion on the Daimyo, they couldn't let that happen and when it was discovered what they were planning, Xin had been dispatched to take care of it.
Slowly, she recalled that night. She could remember sneaking into their expansive manor and hunting them down like dogs. She could feel hot blood staining her clothes, weighing her down. Hell, she could hear them screaming and begging and pleading for their lives.
But their fate was sealed.
The more she read her own words, the clearer the memories became. She remembered that night, she remembered the slaughter and she remembered setting the manor on fire. But she didn't remember Yuma.
Xin huffed and flipped to the first page, eyeing the picture of the family. The parents and their three kids. The kids, she noticed, heavily favored their mother. The father was handsome, she supposed, in a stern way. She squinted in deep thought and tried to picture Yuma without a scarred face. He might be handsome underneath those scars of his. She tilted her head to the side. The shape of the father's eyes and Yuma's eyes were oddly similar.
"….huh."
"It's good to see you," Temari was ecstatic when Xin turned up on her doorstop. She liked Konoha just fine but seeing Xin made her miss Suna all over again. If only her brothers were there as well.
Xin smiled as Temari ushered her inside the Nara residence. "It's good to see you too, I've missed you. How's married life treating you?" Of course she was here for those mission reports but she did miss Temari wholeheartedly.
The taller blonde paused, a little surprised that Xin easily admitted to missing her. With a start, she realized she missed her too. Sure, she could admit that she missed her brothers, they all grew up together and though their relationship had been strained, it eventually softened. She hadn't known Xin nearly as long and just when things were really great between them, she left for Konoha. She was still surprised that Xin even considered her as one of her best friends and would miss her once she was gone.
"I miss you too," Temari managed in a thick voice. And she did. She missed Xin a hell of a lot more than she thought she would. Their friends were great in Konoha but nobody had that special brand of impassive sarcasm Xin had. Nobody could quite capture Xin's strange and almost contradictory personality. If Xin took notice of the thickness of her voice, she didn't comment on it. "Married life is good. We sure as hell don't fight as much as you and Gaara."
That got the younger woman to grin. "I like it when we fight, it gets him all riled up."
"That's enough of that."
Xin cackled. "I'm just saying, makeup sex or angry sex is mind blowing. Ten out of ten."
"That is literally my little brother."
"There's nothing little about him."
"You don't weigh that much, I could very seriously toss you out of my house."
Again, Xin cackled but nodded in surrender. "We don't fight as much, to be fair. I mean we argue but not like before. I think. It's kind of hard to stay angry for long when I have two innocent faces staring at us all the time."
"Where are the twins anyway? Did you come here alone? Hell, Xin, you aren't pregnant again, are you?"
"It was one time!"
It was Temari's turn to laugh as they settled down in the living room. While Suna was more modern in its furniture, most of Konoha, especially the clans, favored a more traditional sort of living environment. She didn't mind it but it took some getting used to. Xin blended seamlessly into the traditional decor, reminding Temari again and again of her natural origins.
"No, I'm not pregnant," she sighed once Temari finished laughing at her. She'd never live that debacle down. Once Temari was done snickering, she told her everything that had gone down in the past couple of weeks. The blonde was quiet the entire time, soaking the new information up. When Xin finished her explanation, she waited for Temari to make a comment.
"I can't wrap my brain around the fact that he walked up to the front door—"
"Oh, for shit's sake! Not the point!"
"I get it, I get it. The kids were in danger too but how angry is this kid that he just walks up to the Kazekage's house and threatens the entire family? How did he even get in?"
"Who knows, they probably have forged identifications or something." Xin leaned away from the table they were seated at, palms resting flat against the floor. Everyone was so surprised that Yuma practically knocked on her front door but she wasn't all that surprised that he'd done so. Fury and the obsessive need for revenge drove people to act recklessly.
It was impressive, really. Foolish and reckless but impressive nonetheless. Regardless of the impression he made, Yuma still had to die. Not really for her or Gaara's sake but for the safety of her kids. If it hadn't been for their involvement, maybe she'd feel less inclined to snuff Yuma out permanently.
Temari watched her sister-in-law with a critical eye. She seemed to be handling the situation with a casual air about her but Temari knew her better than that. She could see the slight twitch of her fingers, the absent roll of her shoulders and the occasional pull of her brow.
Xin was itching to kill.
She hadn't seen that sight of her for awhile now and she wasn't glad to see Xin's resolve cracking. She'd been doing so good for herself, dedicating her time and dogged personality for greater things. Yuma was going to destroy all of Xin's process for the sake of revenge and that was just disheartening.
"Try not to overdo it, Xin," Temari cautioned her, still eyeing her like she was a new jutsu to be learned.
But Xin only glanced back at her, offering a slow but strange smile and with a sinking feeling in her gut, Temari realized it was too late.
Xin wanted to leave after visiting Temari but she decided it wouldn't sit right with her family if they realized she'd come to town and skipped out on visiting. They were disappointed when she showed up without the twins but they forgave her all the same. That visit led her to visiting Hinata, who was just as excited to see her.
"Is Naruto on a mission?" Xin asked as Hinata ushered her inside. She expected to be swept up in a bone-crushing hug the minute she got close enough to the Uzumaki's residence.
"Yes, he should be back tomorrow, I think."
"You're not lonely, are you?" Xin asked with raised eyebrows.
Hinata smiled kindly. "I'm fine, Xin. I promise. What brings you back to Konoha? You're not—"
"No."
Hinata didn't bother with hiding her laughter, clearly she hadn't been the first one to assume another hidden pregnancy. Xin rolled her eyes but she had less bite when it came to Hinata and let her get away with laughing at her. Like before with Temari, she explained her reasoning for the visit. And just like before, Hinata eyed her sister the same way Temari had.
She never knew the details of Xin's ANBU career before but it didn't take a genius to put it together. Still, none of those missions ever came back to bite her in the ass and that could only be assumed because of the one hundred success rate. Apparently, Yuma managed to slip through the cracks.
The Hyuga were thorough and Hinata even thought of her clan to be vain people. Not vain in the sense that their appearance were superior to others, though they were known to have that other worldly beauty about them, but vain in their abilities as Shinobi. And Xin, despite being rather odd for a Hyuga, was no different.
Yuma was like a personal attack on Xin. It suggested that she wasn't as thorough as everyone initially believed. Though no one could possibly doubt her abilities, no one with a brain, it still managed to get under her skin. Of course, this was mostly about keeping Ryuu and Riku safe from harm but there was a small part of her sister that wanted to right an apparent wrong.
It was ironic, how easy she could read and figure her sister out. Before, when they actually lived together, occupied the same space, she could never quite figure out what went through Xin's head. But now, she could read her like an open book. Maybe because their relationship was better or because Xin was truthful but she could see her intentions easily.
Hinata cleared her throat. "How are the twins?"
Like a switch, Xin began babbling animatedly about Ryuu and Riku. Small things like rolling over or how they could sit up with support. They were mundane things, things an adrenaline-junkie like Xin had once been, wouldn't be excited about. But there was no denying the bright look that slowly took over.
Good, her eyes were beginning to turn hollow. Just like before.
There wasn't much Hinata could do to help, seeing as how they lived in different villages but she'd do what she could. Even if they were small instances, they counted.
"What about you? Will there be a baby any time soon?"
Hinata instantly flushed but Xin was expecting that. "Not yet but maybe we'll try next year? I just…I just want it to be us for a little while longer. Is that selfish?"
Xin rested her elbows against the tabletop, bad manners she thought instantly, and cupped her face in her hands. "Of course not. All newlyweds want time to themselves before they have to devote it to children." All her time as a newlywed was spent bickering or fighting psychopaths so she certainly didn't blame her sister.
"And Naruto…well…he's a bit nervous about fatherhood," Hinata admitted in a soft tone. She was pretty sure Naruto wouldn't appreciate her telling that to Xin.
"Ah, since he grew up without parents," Xin nodded slowly. "Gaara was…he wasn't nervous, I'd say more doubtful? He thought he'd be like his father."
"The Fourth Kazekage, right?" She didn't know much about the former Kage, only that he died at some point during their disastrous Chunin Exams.
"Rasa," Xin supplied simply. "I don't know why Gaara would think he'd be anything like him. The guy was a straight menace from what I've been told. Maybe I'm biased but he's much better than Rasa." She paused with a thoughtful look. "We've only ever heard good things about Lord Fourth. I'm sure things would've been different had he had the chance to raise Naruto but he's had some good father figures too, right? Iruka-sensei and Jiraiya and Lord Sixth. I think he'd be a good father. Plus there's you. You'll be great."
She wasn't sure how but her sister always knew what to say. For someone so sarcastic and even brash, she could be uplifting when she wanted to be. Hinata appreciated that aspect about her.
But then she grinned and leaned forward. "No babies now but the practice sure is fun, yeah?"
Hinata flushed terribly, "Xin!"
She ended up staying with Hinata for the night. Her sister insisted even though Xin needed to return right away. Maybe because she was lonely without Naruto around or maybe it was because they hardly got to see each other but Hinata managed to talk her into staying.
She'd return to Suna later than promised but it wouldn't kill anyone, she supposed. She missed her sister.
They ate dinner and spent the rest of the evening catching up. Hinata told her everything that had been going on in Konoha and Xin did the same with Suna. They talked about fuzzy childhood memories that Hinata thankfully helped clear up. It was a nice, wholesome night shared between sisters.
And though she'd shown Xin to the guestroom, at one point or another, Hinata snuck into the room and shared the bed with Xin. Though they were far too old, they juvenilely shared gossip that dwindled into soft whispers about their husbands and (future) children and anything else they might have been too anxious to share under the light of day.
She missed Xin a lot but she was grateful about the way things turned out. Arrangement or not, she was wholeheartedly in love and even if they were miles apart, they got along better than ever.
It was nice. So nice that Hinata nearly missed the hollowness creeping back into Xin's eyes.
Xin ran into Naruto on her way out of Konoha. He was surprised to see her, eyes blinking rapidly. She didn't have much time to explain her presence or hasty exit but Naruto did wrap her up in his signature bear hug. She wondered if maybe he hugged her so much was out of guilt. She always thought Naruto had a bit of a savior's complex and there had been no saving her. Not that she blamed him but she appreciated the hugs nonetheless.
Xin managed to get her arms around him and smacked him on the back in affection. She was definitely put out that she had to leave just as he was returning and he shared the same sentiment. They'd always gotten along so settling into the role of brother and sister-in-law was relatively easy. Still, that didn't mean she was above punching him in the face if her sister was unhappy.
With another hug goodbye, Xin started her journey back home. Just like her journey to Konoha, her journey back to Suna was just as quiet and uneventful. That is, until she arrived at the border between the desert and forest.
The hairs on the back of her neck stood on end but she didn't react, standing at the border. Her head was bent, watching as the forest floor gave way into sand, her gaze impassive. "If you're going to make a move, now would be ideal."
Four Shinobi landed behind her, shrouded in black and staring at her. Xin stared at the ground for a second longer before finally turning with a sigh. Out of the four Shinobi, two were armed with weapons. One, a sickle attached to a long chain and the other a heavy gauntlet with four sharp spikes.
"Impressive you detected us without the aid of your coveted Dojutsu," the Shinobi with the sickle sneered at her. He began to swing the chain, whipping the sickle into a vicious circle.
She eyed the weapon blankly. It was a clear act of intimidation but too bad no one told these Shinobi that Xin wasn't easily intimidated. "Well, you morons aren't as subtle as you think you are so there's no need," she shrugged casually. "Now please, off you go."
The one with the heavy gauntlet scowled, clearly offended by her casual demeanor. "Can't do that, ma'am."
"Oh no?" Xin raised an eyebrow. "Come on, let's be reasonable about this. This isn't the sort of fight you want."
"You underestimate us. There's four of us and only one of you." The sickle spun faster. "We were promised a hefty sum to take you out, ma'am. Souji called in a favor and we're not ones to disappoint."
If Xin was shocked by this revelation, she didn't show it. "Souji, huh? Guess that does make sense. Look, whatever reward he promised, it's not worth your life. Just turn around and be on your way and we can forget about this, yeah?"
"Sorry, no can do."
Xin finally made a face, clearly becoming fed up. "Listen, I've been doing well for myself with the whole 'no violence' rule and Era of Peace. I'd really prefer there be no fight. I'm asking nicely."
"Maybe if you beg us a little."
"Yeeeah, not gonna happen."
The Shinobi whipped the chain, sending the sickle hurtling at her. Her reflexes kicked in and she easily snatched the sickle out of the air before it could take her head off. For a long moment, the two stared at one another before the Shinobi tried to yank the chain from her. Xin held fast and lifted her leg, wrapping the chain around her leg. She hooked her foot over the taunt chain and stomped on it, yanking the Shinobi off of his feet and into a heap at hers. She pulled back and kicked him straight in the face.
The weaponless Shinobi rushed her, attacking her seemingly in perfect sync to one another. She dodged, dipped and rolled out of the way of a series of vicious attacks. She could tell by their body language alone that they were becoming aggravated by her consistent evasion.
The last Shinobi slammed into her, bladed gauntlet shoved into her side. It caught her off guard as the blades sank into her side. There was a strange whirring noise before the blades began spinning, tearing at her flesh and spilling blood everywhere. Xin cried out in shock and ripped herself away, spilling even more of her blood.
The forest went still as each side waited for the next move. Xin's jaw twitched and she held a hand to her gushing side, scowling as pain rocked through her. Slowly she peeled her hand from her side, flicking blood away in an almost casual motion.
She burst forward, fist crashing against the man's throat and effectively knocking him down. She stood over him, eyes ablaze. There was no warning when her foot crashed down against his elbow. The bone splintered precariously and for one long moment of clarity, he thought she wouldn't dare.
But then she twisted the heel of her sandal and grinded his elbow into dust. The bellow of pain hardly sounded human and Xin felt something stir within her. Something that had been laid to rest long ago, something that reacted to the pain and blood and suffering.
She ducked suddenly, avoiding a kick to the back of the head. She bounded away with a quick somersault. The first ninja was still unconscious while the second writhed in agony—over his fractured throat or destroyed elbow—she didn't know but he was down for the moment. It left the other two Shinobi to her mercy.
Unfortunately, she doesn't have much of that.
They rushed her for the second time and she evaded again, this time by jumping above them. Her legs split and she kicked both of them in the face. By the time she landed on her feet, they're both on their backs, groaning pitifully. Unimpressed, she eyed them all. She wanted to avoid this, she warned them. They wouldn't listen and attacked her anyway, she had to fight back. She reminded herself of that fact as she approached the closest one.
Xin grunted quietly as she picked the first one up, forcing him into a sitting position. "No, no, no," he tried to break her grip but she was strong, far stronger than she looked. She held onto his head and with one swift jerk, snapped his neck.
His partner didn't see him die but he heard the wet snap of his neck all the same. He rolled over onto his hands and knees and ignored the pain radiating from his face. His nose was definitely broken. Hell, the front of his skull was probably fractured. Xin watched as he tried to escape with a blank expression before heaving a deep sigh. She wasn't the bad guy here, she warned them, dammit. She gave them an out, told them they could go on their merry little way if they left her alone.
"You're next," Xin announced and slowly followed after him. "Kind of ironic, isn't it? The darkest hour never comes in the night," she chuckled at her own poor joke. He turned in one last ditch effort to plead for his life only to have a kunai sink inches into his skull. The bone gave away under her strength and he fell over, silenced before he could even start his pleading.
She spun around and returned to the Shinobi who tore her side open. He was on his stomach now, how he managed that she wasn't sure but she didn't think too hard on it. She reached for the gauntlet and sadistically shook his hand free of it, aggravating his shattered elbow with her callousness.
She studied the gauntlet, eyeing the stained blades. Her bloodstain. Her jaw twitched. She was still bleeding out and if she didn't tend to her wound, she'd probably pass out and die. Regardless, she still had some time. Almost like she was handling something far more fragile than hard steel, she bent one of the blades until it snapped free of the gauntlet.
She crouched over the Shinobi and reached for a handful of his hair to wrench him backwards, baring his neck. She leaned closer, pressing her mouth against his ear with a grin. "I could spare you, you know. Maybe if you beg a little."
He fumbled over his words, feebly begging for the life she initially offered to spare. Without a word, she pressed the blade to his neck and drew it across his throat in one swift motion, nearly severing his head from his neck.
Xin dropped the Shinobi and looked towards the last survivor. He was beginning to twitch, finally coming to after being savagely kicked in the head in the first place. Again, she sighed. "I'm getting too old for this shit."
Dropping the broken blade, she scooped up the sickle chain on her way to the survivor. She nudged him onto his stomach like the one before and waited until he came to. The minute he tried to get up, she leaned over and looped the chain around his neck and tightened her grip and began the slow task of choking him to death.
"What was that you said? Four of you and one of me? I asked you nicely, you know. I tried to be reasonable. I didn't want to do this. I have a family, kids even! I give life, not take it away but you didn't want to listen."
He gagged and choked, eyes bugging from his sockets as he clawed at his own chain. "I tried to tell you that whatever Souji offered wasn't worth your life but did you listen? Course not. No one ever listens until I start breaking skulls. Then it's 'please don't'!"
He wasn't going to break out of this, he realized.
"Why don't we try again? I won't choke you to death with your own weapon if you tell me about Souji. That's fair, isn't it?"
He managed to wheeze out a strangled yes and her grip relaxed almost immediately. He inhaled deeply, sucking oxygen in so fast that it made him lightheaded. Xin took a careful step away and watched as he looked around. His teammates were dead and he'd be next if he didn't start talking.
So he told her what he knew about Souji. She was right, his reward wasn't shit compared to his life. Souji had downplayed her ferocity, claiming that years of playing housewife had dulled her senses. That she wasn't half the kunoichi she used to be before getting married. Just a humble wife, mother and medic. That's all.
A load of bullshit.
So he told her everything he knew about the strange bald man. Her expression never changed during his long explanation and her side continued to gush blood. She ignored it, resembling a war-torn entity and not a living kunoichi.
He'd grossly underestimated her.
When he was done, he inched away quietly, hoping she'd be too deep in her thoughts to notice. But she did. Of course she did. Her eyes snapped over to him and she nodded slowly. "Thanks for the cooperation." And then she reached for his throat.
"Wait!" he practically wailed. "Y-you promised! You said you wouldn't choke me to death—"
"Yeah, with your own weapon." Her hands slid around his throat. Her eyes were hollow, he realized. So very hollow and so dangerous. Again, he thought of the war-torn entity. She was talking but all he could hear was the sound of madness.
"Never said anything about my own hands."
When Xin arrived in Suna, she was tired, covered in dried blood and smelled of Konoha's trees and Suna's sand. She was, unsurprisingly, not a happy camper. After killing the last of the rogue Shinobi, she set the corpses on fire and waited until they were nothing but ash to get a move on. She was officially late in coming home but there hadn't been any Suna Shinobi out looking for her so she assumed Gaara was giving her a grace period. She thought of returning home for a shower but decided against it. She wasn't going to try her luck any more than she already had.
Asuna and Gaara were the only ones in the office and thank Kaguya for that because she hardly even had the energy for them. Asuna shot her a fleeting glance before her head snapped back towards her, eyes wide. "Milady!" she shrieked just as Gaara looked up in alarm.
But Xin only waved their concerns off. "It's fine."
"Is that your blood?" Gaara asked, standing up. Xin nodded as they approached her, searching for any other injuries. "I don't understand, you were only supposed to be getting information. What happened?"
"Souji has more connections than I thought."
"Souji is behind this?"
"Seems so."
"Milady, you're doing that thing where you hardly answer well enough to explain things," Asuna pointed out in frustration.
Xin cracked her neck and rolled her shoulders. "Souji used to be part of a group similar to Akatsuki a long time ago. You know, do any job for the right price. Well, he called in a favor and had me ambushed just as I was leaving the Fire Country."
"But you killed them."
"That would be correct, Boss."
"And the blood?"
"Mechanical gauntlet with blades."
Gaara grunted and eyed her. For the most part, she seemed okay. Haggard and annoyed but mostly okay. And then he noticed the look in her eye. He stared down at her, uncaring of the obvious stretch of silence. He reached for her shoulders and squeezed, almost as if to squeeze the stress from her. "Xin."
"I had to do it."
Gaara's face was clear of any sort of emotion. He glanced at Asuna and quietly dismissed her. She was torn, clearly concerned about Xin but she still had to obey the order. She squeezed Xin's wrist, hoping to convey a silent message of reassurance before making herself scarce.
"Xin," he tried again but her eyes were wide and unseeing.
"I warned them, I tried to talk them into walking away but they wouldn't listen—"
"Xin," he repeated in a firm but calm voice. Gaara watched her quietly as she stopped ranting, her eyes raw with some type of emotion. "Nobody is condemning you for having to defend yourself. I'm glad you're okay."
She stared up at him, looking tortured and raw and just wild. "But I'm not. Gaara, I—" she came to a hard pause, snapping her mouth shut so hard that her teeth soundly clacked together.
Gaara let go of her shoulders and grabbed her by the wrists, squeezing reassuringly like Asuna had done. "You can talk to me, Xin, remember?"
She lost some of the wildness of her gaze and nodded slowly. "I…I'm not okay. I, uh, I…I gave them a chance to leave but I...enjoyed killing them. Like…before."
A silence fell over them, one that scared the living shit out of her. She wasn't sure what to do with that feeling, the feeling she hadn't felt for quite some time. It felt familiar and it left a stale taste in her mouth and she was afraid there was nothing she could do to get rid of it.
"It doesn't change anything, Xin. You're still you," Gaara tried to soothe her. "Don't start beating yourself up over this. You're human, these things happen. They were trying to kill you."
She let the words sink in, mouth tight in a firm line. She leaned forward, resting her head against his chest and took a deep breath. "Where are my boys?"
"Home with Kankuro."
She snorted into his chest. "You actually trust him with them?"
Gaara patted soothingly at her lower back. "Hardly. He tried to change Ryuu with Chakra threads. I sent Ukyo over there as well." He could literally feel her smiling against his chest and that gave him some reassurance. They could deal with this later. "We can go home and see them now."
Xin threaded her arms around him. "Good, good. I missed them. Temari misses you guys but she's doing well with Shikamaru."
Gaara patted one last time at her back before leading her out of the office. She told him about her time in Konoha, deciding to leave the mission aspect out of it for the moment. Her emotions too were frayed and raw at the moment, vastly confusing her.
Kankuro and Ukyo were happy to have her back, seemingly ignoring her haggard appearance. They could immediately tell that something was off but decided to ignore it for the time being. She was more than grateful for that and quickly hurried off to shower. There was no way she'd go picking up Ryuu and Riku covered in blood and dirt.
She washed it all away, shedding the smell of death and decay like second skin. She washed the sound of screams trapped in her hair and out of her mouth. She scrubbed the rot from her skin until blood welled up in tiny speckles.
When Xin emerged from the bathroom, she physically looked much better. Gone were the bloody rags stained with dirt and in place were clean clothes, offering comfort that smelled of their home. Her hair was pulled away and wrestled into a braid that rested down her back, picked free of twigs and leaves.
Ryuu and Riku were napping peacefully and she was a little impressed that Kankuro managed to get them into the crib on time. Of course, Ukyo helped out but she was impressed nonetheless. Though she would have to ask him why changing a baby with Chakra thread sounded like a good idea.
She leaned over the crib and stared down at them, looking pensive. She'd always known that there would be a smidge of darkness left behind, staining and blotting at her soul. She accepted it, there was no good without the bad but the guilt that was suddenly gnawing at her bones was almost too much to handle.
Xin reached into the crib and gently brushed the back of her knuckles against Ryuu's slumbering face. He was the heavy sleeper, definitely something he'd gotten from her, Gaara always said.
The truth was, she was terrified that the black stain of her soul poisoned them. She was afraid that they would grow up like her, regardless of anything she and Gaara did to lead them away from such a path. Wasn't fate doomed to repeat itself?
Xin took a deep breath and reigned in her emotions. She was spiraling and if she didn't get a hold of herself, she'd crash and burn. Just like last time.
"You two drew the short end of the stick when you picked me to be your mom," she whispered softly, still lightly caressing Ryuu's face. "I'm sorry about that but I do love you more than life itself, if that's any consolation. I'll be that person you'll be proud of, hopefully you both have daddy's patience."
She stared down at her fingers pressed against Ryuu's cheek, the same fingers that were wrapped around some poor fool's throat just days ago. It was mind boggling how she could give life and take it away.
She still needed to talk to Kankuro and Gaara about her thoughts regarding Yuma. Her suspicions weren't proven correct yet, even with her trip to Konoha but it was definitely a sound lead. Still, it wouldn't make too much of a difference when she got her hands on Yuma. But, no one liked to die unknown, she once said to Jura.
She destroyed Yuma's life, she could at least know who he was.
"I can't promise that this side of me will go away and be gone forever. But I do what I must for the protection of you two. I won't always be morally right but I'll try, okay? I hope you two understand that when you're older." Xin pushed away from the crib with a decrepit snort. She was trying to explain away her actions to two babies. God, what a new low. Sometimes she really hated herself.
But still, she hoped and prayed and begged that Ryuu and Riku wouldn't hate her.
Wishful thinking and all that.
TeeBeMe: I like to think that by the time Boruto's era rolls around, Xin has a sort of 'I wasn't one to fuck with when I was younger and things are different now but don't try me'. Sort of like Mirajane Strauss from Fairy Tail.
Anyway, did we really think psycho tendencies were truly gone? Least she feels guilt this time around so she's not a total lost cause.