The sand wears her down while the heat melts the rest of her to little more.
Rey does the best she can. No physical dangers get to her – she's always been stubborn as a mule and in the real world, action has always been her strong suite. No, what hurts her the most is that no one can get to her. Neither her parents or some faceless stranger is coming for her. Not even her dreams are safe.
The dream left her more alone than she'd ever been and the harsh wasteland of Jakku starves out the few fantasies she clung onto. Survival becomes a chore. It's tedious waking in the morning. All Rey wants to do is curl up on her small bed and stay hidden from the world; from herself.
As much as she wants to think the dream wasn't real it continues to haunt her. All this pain is penance for her inaction. At the crucial moment she should have done something to help, Rey stalled and let her fear overtake her. Now her fear is this huge creature. It follows her, shadows her every movement and whispers that she let him die by indecision. That the inaction was their destruction.
It can't happen again so she forces herself to move when nothing sounds worse. Rey makes herself get out of the bed. When she tucked in the corners so they wouldn't drag on the floor, now she leaves them hanging. Still, she gets up. Food is the last thing on her mind but if she can make herself eat half a ration, she can function through the day. It's enough.
Climbing the shipwrecks gets harder. Her muscles ache and her mind is no longer curious about what could be buried in the shadowed rooms and abandoned hallways. It feels like she's picked through them time and again. It feels like she's a ghost walking through the empty rooms. That no one can see or hear her.
Once she gets to the depot, the opposite occurs and it's almost worse. The people's untrusting eyes are full of hatred. She's an outsider though her life has passed on this planet the same as any of them. She burdens herself with their stares and hate just to be around someone. Rey tries not to dwell on how pathetic that is but every time someone spits at her or tries to bargain a bad deal, the knot constantly pulsing in her chest recedes for a moment.
Rey's good at surviving even if her heart isn't in it. Her bed may call but she won't let inaction claim her again.
How long can someone be alone, Rey wonders?
It's six months following her birthday. Her dreams of battles and black crowns shielding dead, brown eyes haunt her night after night.
The morning cold creeps through all the cracks and crevices of her shelter, stealing away under the covers to chill her spine. Rey's been awake for hours but unwilling to get up. She moves her head up till it rests against the wall so she can see out the window. Sand blows in a never-ending stream. That's all there is.
She forces herself up, packs her bags, and is gone before long, ready to turn in loot from the other day. Her bike revs under her thighs as the depot comes into view. Jakku doesn't receive many visitors at any time of the year but now, it's especially unusual. She spots a new ship kicking up dust as it descends. Her heart burns and she drives faster. Who lands on this godforsaken planet?
Rey resists the urge to run right up to the new ship and goes about her day. She parks the speeder and gathers the materials so she can get enough credits for the rest of the week.
Plutt's unpleasant sneer remains as she remembers. "Take it or leave it, Rat. Of course, you know there's other ways to get more credits."
The threats, which are nothing new, form a pit in her stomach. Without a word she grabs the credits and turns around. If she could do more than growl. If she could stand up for herself without risking death. It's not worth it to attack, she repeats for the thousandth time. Sometimes her action lies in a greater inaction. Last time she'd barely made it through his barricade against her.
The vendors in the market stare without offering anything. Everyone knows her and her limited funds. They hate her because she can't buy anything from them. They scowl at her because she can't save them from the desert that they're all drowning in.
She hates it too.
Rey looks anyway ignoring everyone else until a small child catches her eye. The boy has long hair tied in messy pigtails. Wisps of hair slip out of the lazily done bands. He stretches on his tiptoes to try and reach some Tuanulberries at a stand. The vender who Rey knows has had their fair share of left, pushes the child off with a warning. Children's funds are even scarcer than hers. The child's head hands down. It's a dog eats dog kind of world, she thinks.
Rey turns around to return to her speeder, then stops. She repeats the phrase in her head again before walking off and buying a handful of the fruit. The alley where the boy disappeared to isn't far and she finds him with no problems.
He doesn't thank her; he doesn't say much of anything as she approaches him. Rey keeps low to the ground with her hands out in front of her. With slow, dragging steps she moves as close as she would to a feral animal. They all are in a way here.
She can't help the smirk that makes its way onto her face thinking about how she must've looked as a child. All gangly arms and permanent frowns. She has and will always be wild. Rey was forged in it and time has only sharpened her.
This stranger is the same from the way his eyes track her hands to how he grabs the fruit and runs off without a word. Something in her chest feels tight but she stomps out the worry for the nameless child. He has to learn to survive one way or another, just like everyone else.
The real test is when nothing seems possible. Maybe it's when Plutt won't extend credits or the scavenging isn't yielding anything of worth. Maybe it's the dry spells or changes in weather that leave the skin flaky and irritated. Maybe it's just all the nothing; all the nothing filled with more nothing tasks to distract from the waiting. All of these weed out someone. Not necessarily the weak, for it takes any and all, but they still take and take. They test and test, and you either survive or you don't. Rey can't help but hope the child will make it.
She finds herself walking to the new ship with less enthusiasm than before. Peering around the corner of the station, a group of persons disembarks off the ship. Her eyes scan each face with wild ferocity. Though it hurts to watch them come, it will be much worse when they leave. To see the red of the engines, disappear into the endless sky and to know once again nothing happened left a mark.
It's when they are unloading trade goods that she thinks of it. Of all Plutt's ships for 'sale', none of them were ever really a possibility to buy. The shipyard is more than just a scam, it's a graveyard. The ships themselves are overpriced for what their rusting, cheap metals, and in truth it would take more than Jakku had to offer in order to fix them up. The parts missing for decades if they would even work anymore.
This ship is new, though. It hasn't been ground-down by the sand storms and unpredictable desert weather. If she could get aboard this ship, if Rey could find a way to leave with these traders, maybe she could leave.
Rey flattens her back against the wall and stares up at the sky. She doesn't let her hopes rise. Her practical nature is a necessity for the plan and her mental stamina.
From the looks of the flats and boxes they unloaded, they are traders. Rare in these days on Jakku but the perfect opportunity. Her determination grows. Rey watches them from a distance until their work is done. They go to one of the older cantinas on the other side of town to rest and eat.
The credits she made today are supposed to last the week but this her chance. A hint of recklessness surges through her veins. She will stick to the plan no matter what but it's like the atmosphere broke and the universe is open before her for the first time. Space and prospect and freedom all in her grasp.
Rey walks straight into the bar with her decision made. It's dark now and the shadows have long since bled into the night. The barkeep is known to her. They're dangerous but not threatening to paying customers. Her shoulders don't relax.
"What will you be drinking?" They say.
"I'd like a meal. Hot."
One thing she will never waste credits on is any sort of alcohol. It is no more than them throwing away on drink that could be dangerous. A lower inhibition and lack of awareness will not help her. Her stomach is cramping from the lack of food this morning. She's about to ask where her food is at when a large bowl of something is placed in front of her.
Rey wonders how the food from Jakku looks to outsiders. How does it measure up? Either way, she tucks in while holding back a groan. The contents of the bowl may be grey (and a bit slimy) but it's the best she's had in a while. Rations have nothing on this.
Half disappears before she has time to breath. Her left arm curls in front of the bowl while the other is fast as lightspeed between the bowl and her mouth. With only half there, she takes a moment to glance around the establishment. Loitering people, all she's vaguely familiar with, run along the edges and, there, in the corner are the traders.
Their appearance is rough in the way that shows off hard work. Their clothes are dirty and torn along the edges but, with a glance down, their shoes are sturdy, reliable. Hard work is familiar and it bodes well that these traders aren't flashy in wealth and privilege. Those are either dangerous to themselves, people won't hesitate to take attack displays of wealth here. And if they are bent on showboating power they don't have, well, that's just as bad.
She scans their clothes and is satisfied with the modest patches and designs she finds. Her eyes meet one of them. For a moment Rey thinks of running. Instead she takes a breath, squares her shoulders and nods. They return the gesture and after a soft word with their companion, get up, and make their way toward her.
The original plan is to eat and meet with the group together. She hopes she can charm them though she's never been complimented on her people skills. After that, it is sort of up in the air, which is not like her. All Rey knows is it's vital to convince them. She's certain that if she doesn't get off this planet, she will wind up trapped in the sand, lost for all time waiting for someone who will never come.
In the back of her mind, Rey wonders what they see when they look at her. She should have washed this morning instead of leaving at first light. What if her own rough appearance hinders the whole operation? They sit next to her and she knows it's too late. They watch her from the corners of their eyes. Rey's head sits at the same height as their shoulders. Green skin and read eyes are unfamiliar but don't bother her.
It's as silent as a bar can be until, "What in tarnation is that?"
Rey follows their gaze. She stares at her food. The grey, shapeless stew's almost gone and her stomach clenches in mourning for the meal before answering.
"Dinner and I'll not have you say a bad word about it."
Kriff, if this isn't going sourly. Why did she have to defend the food? It didn't care and she knows that's not how to win friends. The moment draws long. Rey hurries to eat the few chunks while making sure she stays alert. She winces at a sudden noise beside her. They laugh, their mouth splitting into a wide grin sending wrinkles around their eyes.
"We've all been there, kid. though I've never had the…pleasure of this particular meal before."
Rey shrugs. Her shoulders relax an inch as she scopes the last bit out. With one last deep breath, she turns to face them. Their green skin tone reflects deeper in the dim lights. Their smile fades.
"So, what had you watching us all day?"
Despite the less than warm tone Rey grins. She appreciates the straightforwardness. It's not rude so much as familiar. Rey doesn't let uncertainty creep into her yet. There's no time for the longing in her to show, even less for her vulnerability. Like many of the animals in the desert she needs to strike before she is brought down.
"You're taking me with you when you leave port."
This time there is no laughter in response. She's aware that the others in their group are staring at them, staring at Rey who is a stranger staring them down by herself. Still, she doesn't let the naked truth into her voice. There is no choice. Rey will die if she stays any longer. This has to work.
"I'm a scavenger. That means I'm resourceful. I have to be to live on Jakku. I know my way around a ship. Can do any work you need done. I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty," She gestures to her sand-stained hands. "And I can pay. Not a lot, but you wouldn't need to give me wages or anything until I earned my keep. I …"
Her voice wavers. What if it's not enough? What if she's not enough? Soon, alternative plans come to mind. It would be easy enough to steal onto the ship or somehow threaten them enough to get a spot. Her fingers twitch to the staff at her side.
"What's your name?" They ask before she can get any further. Their eyes linger on her fingers and staff.
"I'm Rey, Just Rey."
"Well, Just Rey," They say with a small grin. "You're in luck as we happen to need ourselves a little grease monkey and you look small enough to do the job. I'm Kit and welcome you to the team."
The knot in her stomach unravels a bit. Rey can't help but grin. She's always been bad at hiding her emotions but it doesn't seem to matter so much right now. Caution and suspicious vie for control in her brain. The traders can trust her or not. They can just use her for their next mission and dump her somewhere else. It doesn't matter as long as she leaves.
Her and Kit talk details well into the night. Her caution goes deep so they double check everything. The more they talk, the more hope buds in her. The ease of it all scares her but she pushes that down. Something easy is a nice change. Her only worry is that they talk to Plutt. A kind word about her has never left his lips.
Rey curls into her mattress, bones made of jelly, and stares at the tally marks carved into the wall. The freshest one is deep and dark against the grey walls.
It's too good to be true. That much is obvious. Rey doesn't care. This could be her last tally mark on the wall. The rest could forever stay blank and impervious to the passing of time. The chair across from her at meals wouldn't have to be empty. She wouldn't have to stare at the unfilled seat and know what it meant to her anymore. Her body doesn't have to travel across the desert another day. Protesting muscles and chapped lips would be from something else and not from the unending sand.
Change is what she wants and needs. Rey's been starving for too long and desires a breath of fresh air. Her dreams haunt her. They trail right in her shadow no matter how hard she tries to run. So, it doesn't matter if it's too good to be true. The hope that her salvation is among the stars overweighs the fears that she won't find it anywhere.
They leave tomorrow morning. One more day of heat and desert and loneliness before she joins the crew. Butterflies swarm in her stomach. She eats a full ration in celebration before packing up and going to the big wreck.
Its large hulk is enough to provide some shade. Most of the panels have been stripped off before so it's hard climbing into the inside. The danger means there's a better possibility for more bounty to find anyway.
Kit required more money to be convinced. Rey might have misled them on the amount she has saved so one last scavenging excursion is required. The trip is a sendoff in a way. Old habits die hard and while she hated this, there's also a part of her that loves scavenging as well. She's good at it. The hidden gems only she can find on the brink of death and nurture back to life with careful tinkering.
She loves her talent and ability. Even more when Plutt makes that small scoffing noise in the back of his throat. He's impressed but doesn't want to say anything. It leaves Rey content for days to know she's one of the best. She climbs until her legs are shaking and her whole body is sweaty, finding a few good things as she goes.
The speeder dips under the weight but it moves as smoothly as it always has. Rey hauls the finds up to Plutt's counter. He smirks to himself as he goes through the items. His slow perusal grates on her nerves but she holds still. It wouldn't do well to show impatience today.
"That's only a 3-portion reactor."
"Last week it was at least a 6."
She doesn't argue as much as she could. Her stomach is rolling and she taps her finger against the counter. Her distraction is her downfall. The way Plutt is just holding off his smile and how his eyes shift between her and the station with increasing frequency passes her attention.
Rey doesn't gloat when he gives her the credits. She's learned to hold her cards close to her chest. A part of her wants to throw her plan in his face. The satisfaction in telling him off; how she hates him and hopes she rots behind that counter might be worth it. Maybe.
Rey turns away when he finally speaks.
"It's a pity that band of traders had to leave so soon."
She stiffens but keeps her expression blank. His hand is resting under his chin. He licks his upper lip before smiling.
"You know how they are. Here one day and gone the rest."
Her heart stops beating before beginning to race. It's not true. Plutt is lying. There is no other way. He always lies. Why should this time be any different?
"I don't believe you." She says before she can stop herself. Plutt leans forward pointing at her.
"Don't believe me? You know I always looked after you when you were a little ankle biter. What makes you think that would have changed now?"
"What did you do?" She whispers. Her hands clench at her sides.
"I was surprised when they came to sell some of their wares. You know how conversations start going and they tell me about this girl they're taking on. How scrappy and determined she is. How she's paying them of all things. I thinks to myself, not my little Rat. It can't be true, but they insisted until I let them know exactly what you are. How could I let them take my best scavenger, after all?"
Rey's limbs go numb. She can scarcely gather that after all this time it's the first complement she's heard from the vagrant and, of course, it would be delivered with a poisoned tone.
Rey hates him; has always hated him. When she was left, starving on the streets and he took her in she hated the shackles that limited her. When he let her live a part she hated how she was still indebted to him, how she would never be rid of him.
She snarls and runs forward, staff in hand. There's nothing to limit her now. Rey pounds on the bars and whips the staff through them so its jabbing into Plutt's throat.
"What did you do?" She yells not caring that she's lost all form of nonchalance. Her voice is shaking and all of her dreams turn to dust once again. "Damn it! What did you do?"
All he does is laugh and grab a ray gun from under the counter. She flexes her fingers sending the staff deeper into his thick neck before releasing the tension. Rey can't bear to look at him for another second. He's every negative thing about Jakku manifested into a slimy, manipulative piece of shit.
Rey kicks the dirt at her feet and spits over the counter so a large glob lands on his cheek. She doesn't stay to see how he reacts. When she gets to the station, out of breath and aching, their ship is gone. Kit and the rest disappeared like they'd never landed in the first place. Her eyes stray toward the sky. They search for the ship but there's nothing.
An ache blooms in her knees when they hit the cement. She's too tired to cry but it doesn't stop the low keening moan from leaving her lips. The desert has scorched her for too long and now it's stolen her tears.
Rey makes it to her bed. She doesn't bother eating or marking another day on her wall. The water is running low but she doesn't care.
Days pass into weeks.
Survival is mind numbing. Each day repeats and still Rey is there. Merely existing.
Thank you for reading! One more chapter after this :)