Chapter five:
There was a tenderness and a torment right there in the way in which Jack Dawson seemed to see into her very soul. She felt Jack was telling her it was all right; that Cal didn't know that they had been out here together, talking of everything which she could never tell the one she was meant to love, that they'd had a great night and that Jack had opened her eyes to God knows what else. Their secret was safe. Nobody knew any different and they could continue their pretence. She smiled weakly as she turned to walk around the side of the steamer chair towards a porthole window beneath the shelter of a wooden deck above. Rose felt she had to put some distance between them. They could both feel something there, between them. Their eyes met but then they looked away, the power too much for both of them. Jack began to back away from her and then, started to her. She realised he had more to say, this between them felt much more different than it had done before. It was so much stronger and seemed to be drawing her closer and closer to him. She began to back towards the window in order to get some air but then realised that she was standing outside. Such a small thing a person forgets when feeling like a deer dazzled by a bright lamp. She felt so tight and breathless. He came towards her a little; he didn't know what to say.
''Oh, Rose.'' He whispered breathlessly.
Jack hadn't thought of anything for other than her since seeing her the lunchtime before. His feelings were almost too big and too much for him to control. He stepped closed to her, running his fingers through his hair.
''What is happening here?'' She asked slowly and quietly. ''I feel strange, and now...'' She went off, dazzled even more.
Jack knew that she was acknowledging something too. There was so much between them. It was like an electric buzz growing louder and louder and getting stronger and stronger until it was deafening to them. They didn't know if it would go away or if it would continue. The only way it grew weaker was when they stepped closer to each other. She came towards him just once, a small and hesitant step. She was so lost in his face, those eyes that she trusted so much. He couldn't stop looking at her. His heartbeat grew stronger and quicker. He threw caution to the wind and placed his left hand on the flat of her face, she closed her eyes for just a second to take in the moment. He stroked it against her soft skin and she felt the flutters, the beautiful feeling which she knew she would only ever have with Jack. He leant forward and kissed her just once on the lips. Barely grazing; but the touch was still there. The buzz grew weaker and weaker. She sagged with relief against his body, but now she felt like she needed more.
She touched her lips with her index finger as he pulled away from her. They had opened a can of worms and it would get worse from here on out. The longing and the ache wouldn't grow duller but purer and stronger. He kept his hand on her cheek and slowly leant forward. He kissed the right side of her neck, so tenderly to the point where she shivered with weakness. Her whole body was ready to crumple beneath him. Her nipples hardened so much. She had never felt like way before from a single kiss. The way Cal had touched her was nothing compared to the feeling she had right now. He trailed kisses just to the top of her shoulder before he stopped. He pulled away seeing her eyes flutter open. She was so breathless. For a woman who had barely been kissed until that very evening properly; she was entirely unprepared for what a man's kiss could do to her body. Could make her crumble beneath a single touch. The freezing air, her erratic state, the fact that they could be caught...it all didn't matter. All melted into one huge blur and the only thing which she was receptive to was the warmth of his hands upon her shoulders, the lingering feel of his lips tracing across her lips and his eyes which glimmered in the darkness, allowing her to expose every facet of herself to him and more.
''This feels right.'' He whispered against her. ''Doesn't it?''
Rose squeezed her eyes closed, leaning against him. She didn't want him to talk but she was glad he did. If he hadn't, she would be in his arms, allowing him to show her just how magical a kiss could be once again. Keeping her warm. Safe. Alive.
''Jack, this is impossible.'' She tried to push him away but she couldn't. He made her weaker. Made her act impulsively.
''Listen to me. You've got a strong, pure heart, and you've called me crazy three times already but I just need to know that you're all right. When I saw how sad you looked yesterday, it broke my heart. And then, I saw you out here tonight.''
'' Jack, I...'' She struggled with listening to his words whilst in his arms.
''No wait. Let me try to get this out. You're amazing... and I know I have nothing to offer you, Rose. I know that. But I'm involved now.''
Rose felt the tears coming to her eyes. Jack was so open and real... not like anyone she had ever known. This was the moment she had played over and over in her head. The one which she pictured would be the most perfect moment in her life. It felt like something from a dime novel she had read; the ones that really ache your heart.
''You're making this very hard. I'll be fine. Really.''
''I don't think so. They've got you in a glass jar like some butterfly, and you're going to die if you don't break out. Maybe not right away, because you're strong. But sooner or later the fire in you is going to go out.''
He placed his palm on her cheek again and she prayed that he would not kiss her again for she would not be able to stop. She was scared of what would happen, of how strong her feelings would grow. She was terrified already. How much more could her heart ache? She had already kissed another man. One vow was broken. Just an hour ago, she had almost taken Cal into her bed and now, she was out here, with another who she didn't even know. Jack Dawson could be a romancer. A liar. The Devil in poor man's clothes but God, he was enticing and warm and wholesome, too. His touch, his voice and the urge to submerge herself into him...his words, his drawings, to allow herself to talk with him for hours and hours endlessly without the need to stop. To think. Perhaps with one small interlude when he could kiss her senseless. But then, the rational side of her brain seemed to return.
''It's not up to you to save me, Jack.'' Rose was firm. She had to be.
''You're right. Only you can do that.''
Rose touched his hand for a moment, keeping the warmth and trying to capture the moment in her head, to keep the memory and to remember just how perfect this moment felt. Was this what love felt like? The intensity of a single stare was magnificent. The wonderful time which she was recall and pull from her mind at times when she felt lower than she ever had. Jack Dawson would be the one who would come to her. She would thank him for the beautiful way in which he put his lips to herself and made her feel beautiful even just for a few seconds.
''Jack,'' water lined her eyes from both the cold and the intensity of it all, ''you need to leave me alone, for both our sake.'' She removed his hand from her face and pulled her coat together.
Jack's eyes seemed to die a little. She turned to the porthole and squeezed her eyes closed.
''Please just leave me alone!'' Rose cried to Jack. She held out her hand to warn him to stay back but he came closer to her and he grabbed her arms to restrain her from trying to run. As soon as his touch was on her, she felt the fire within her start.
''No Rose. I am here to help.'' Jack held onto her, not tightly but enough for her to grasp his point; he needed to make her see that he was there, that he wanted to help.
Their faces were just a few inches apart and his grip on her tightened. She failed to meet his gaze and struggled in his grasp.
''Then help me, please...by leaving me alone!''
''If I left you alone then would you be happy?''
Rose went to the water, and he went with her. She grasped the rail so hard that her knuckles turned white. ''I don't know.'' He loosened his grip on her a little and he listened, it was all coming out now. ''I want to explore the world. I don't want to be married!'' Rose didn't care who heard her in that moment. She needed to let it all out into the air.
''Then don't marry him.''
Rose laughed, ''easy for you to say when you haven't even seen my world.''
''I don't wish to, not if it makes you want to throw yourself from a moving ship.''
Rose coughed as she struggled to breathe. Jack saw her pain and he placed his hand on her back in an attempt to calm her erratic behaviour.
''If you touch me. I swear I will jump over this rail!'' She threatened.
''No, you won't.''
Jack touched her hands ever so slowly just as he would a spooked horse. She struggled with him as she turned to the rail and faced downwards. Jack placed his hands over her fingers and forced her to remove them from the rail. Once she did, he turned her body to his violently and they pressed almost together. Her body shook as he still continued to hold her hand. She had so much adrenaline; she hated this man for forcing her to do what he says even though it was for her own safety. Then, she opened her eyes and realised that she was so close to him. Closer than before...
Nervously, Rose lifted her eyes from the deck and up to Jack. She watched as his tender artist's hand touched her left cheek. He felt how cold she was and he pulled her body a little closer to his by placing his hand on the small of her back. He kept his hand there and it seemed to calm her.
He leaned forward ever so slightly, so that their lips came into contact for just the briefest few moments. Rose felt her heart flutter and all of her nerves seemed to disappear. Gently, Jack took her right hand in his left and moved forward once again. He kissed her again with more passion than the first time. She could feel his warmth next to her, but yet she still shivered. As his lips moved on hers, she struggled to even breath, to think and to even stand. The outside world seemed to disappear. It was just them now. No more words were needed to express what each felt towards the other.
This was the moment which she played over and over in her head and yet she hadn't managed to prepare herself enough for what would happen.
Jack wrestled with the urge to keep kissing her; he knew he couldn't stop now. Rose had offered hesitation but when he pulled away from her, she began to struggle once again in his grip. He couldn't let her go not when he was so close.
''We don't know each other, I know that, but I think that we have something here...'' He whispered breathlessly as he leant forward to kiss her again. This time it wasn't soft, it was hungry. They had both held back that it had exhausted them both beyond their own knowledge. Their hands entwined and touched each other. He clutched her to him tightly and held her there. She leant against him, feeling her body ache so much. She was so intoxicated that she couldn't stop and they didn't care who saw. They both needed to relive the tension which had built up between them for so long. Jack's tongue massaged hers so strongly that she felt the strength of it. She had never felt a kiss like it, never experienced these emotions from a person. They pulled each other so closely as though their lives depended on it. The passion which had exploded was immense and she felt the primal need to feel his naked torso pressed so tightly against her own. She could hear his breathe, the raggedness and the struggle within him.
Rose had her own struggle but now she felt the unhappiness drain away from her body and it was replaced by a strong need to be with Jack; an almost animal longing which only grew stronger. Why didn't this happen with Cal? God all mighty, she was going to be completely ruined by the time she returned back to the stateroom with such a dishevelled appearance. Rose pushed him away for a moment with her right hand on his chest.
''This-this cannot.'' Her chest heaved as she spoke.
Jack touched her face with his palm and then he spoke to her with such sincerity her legs almost buckled. ''I cannot let you go. You jump, I jump, now.'' He kissed her forehead. ''We have something here, between us.''
Rose pressed her lips together. ''This is why I have suffered such melancholia, I-'' she needed to say more but she simply didn't know what to say.
She ached for him again and this time it was her who crushed her body to his and her lips against his.
Jack could feel himself losing control even more than he already had and he didn't know how to stop it. He wasn't strong enough to. Rose fell against his body and he used his weight to hold her up. The kiss was like nothing she had felt before. Cal wasn't half as passionate and she knew in that moment that she could go back to him tonight, to finish what had started or to leave with a complete stranger. The two routes split straight down the middle and her head entirely ached.
''What do we have? Jack, this is impossible.''
''No, it isn't.''
''I am to be married. I have nothing to offer to you. I am quite all right in my current situation.'' Rose's words were a complete jumble of all things which she believed would sound right enough to discourage him but her flat, weak tone gave her away. ''You look at me and see a distraction, a girl who is need of that herself and think we can entwine ourselves into a dizzy love affair which wouldn't last past the course of this voyage.''
''Is that truly what you think?''
''I am not a woman who would fall into your bed and be flattered by your handsome face, your tender kiss and then find myself left alone.''
Jack knitted his brows together at her frantic depiction of what they could be. ''Or, I could just be your friend. A person to hear your stories, laugh with you, trust me and then maybe let me take you on a few adventures so that when you die an old lady in your bed, you will have a smile, knowing that you took chances, that you lived your life pretty fully without suppression, without the endless parade of teas and dinners.''
''But you would kiss me.''
''If you wished for it, yes.''
Those were the words she needed to hear. If Jack wasn't going to offer any hesitation, then neither was, she. He grabbed her hand and tightly threaded his fingers through hers just as though they were lovers. She could feel her heart pounding in her ears, her breathing still ragged.
''I-I don't know if I would.''
Jack lifted her hands to his own chest, and she felt the way in which his heart raced through the layers of jackets. ''Then, if you wish for it then tell me.''
Rose removed her hands from inside his warmth and once pulling onto his lapels. they fell back against the First Class entrance doors with such a force that Jack had to extend his hands just to break the fall against it. Her lips were on his, and this time she found it hard to hesitate in any way, especially as the one leading the way. He melted against her, warm and inviting. This life which he had painted for them, so vividly, truly made him an artist of life. Oh, how inspiring he was. But they were just words, could she ever live a life with a stranger. Who had interrupted her mission to commit suicide and then, interrupted her when she was about to give herself to her fiancée.
That's, all he was, wasn't he? Jack Dawson was just an interruption. Meaningless or meaningful, she couldn't quite decide until he touched her so feather light that she tingled across her entire body. Butterflies took flight in her stomach and then, suddenly, she was back on the other side of the entrance, alone and having broken free with the tangled mess of Jack Dawson.
''Don't follow me.'' She whispered to no one, as she opened her eyes to find her way to the stateroom. She thought that she heard him call out to her, but whilst she still had some reign on herself, she would go onwards with her life.
Approaching the stateroom, Rose felt herself falter as she almost fell through the door unable to feel any part of her body. Trudy wasn't about and so, without so much as a single second of hesitation, she went Cal's door handle, where inside, he stood waiting, endlessly...
Opening it, was the moment of truth.
''Rose, you look a fright, where have you-''
She kissed his mouth to interrupt him. That was all this entire evening had been; one large interruption. Now, though, it had to resume. Back to where she was before the biggest interruption of her life had come.
Cal would make love to her. This time, without an interruption.
Jack Dawson was forgotten. He had to be.
Thanks for reading, I hope that you enjoyed this:)