Chapter 11
Four's pov
These next few weeks are going to be torture. Now Tris knows I like her and I can't even act on it. It would be unfair to her if I tried to get closer when she hardly knows me. I still can't read her feelings on it either. She doesn't seem upset about it so I guess that's good. Then Zeke brought up me wanting to kiss her. He's right, I do. Really badly but I can't. I know Tris will be asking me a lot of questions later.
Thankfully the conversation was dropped and Andrew is reading the next chapter.
"SINCE THERE ARE an odd number of you, one of you won't be fighting today," says Four, stepping away from the board in the training room. He gives me a look. The space next to my name is blank.
"Why didn't Tris fight?" Will asks directing the question to me. "There was no way to give her a fair fight" I say "Or you just didn't want to see her get hurt" Shauna says. I glare at her. She just laughs.
The knot in my stomach unravels. A reprieve.
"This isn't good," says Christina, nudging me with her elbow. Her elbow prods one of my sore muscles—I have more sore muscles than not-sore muscles, this morning—and I wince.
"Ow."
"Sorry," she says. "But look. I'm up against the Tank."
Christina and I sat together at breakfast, and earlier she shielded me from the rest of the dormitory as I changed. I haven't had a friend like her before. Susan was better friends with Caleb than with me, and Robert only went where Susan went.
I guess I haven't really had a friend, period. It's impossible to have real friendship when no one feels like they can accept help or even talk about themselves. That won't happen here. I already know more about Christina than I ever knew about Susan, and it's only been two days.
"Aww I'm your first friend" Tris nods at her "Besties" She shouts clapping her hands. Funny she didn't seem like a good friend after the rankings were announced. But I think Tris wants to move past that. She probably just wants her friend back.
"The Tank?" I find Christina's name on the board. Written next to it is "Molly."
"Yeah, Peter's slightly more feminine-looking minion," she says, nodding toward the cluster of people on the other side of the room. Molly is tall like Christina, but that's where the similarities end. She has broad shoulders, bronze skin, and a bulbous nose.
"Those three"—Christina points at Peter, Drew, and Molly in turn—"have been inseparable since they crawled out of the womb, practically. I hate them."
"Does anybody actually like those three?" Will says Nobody answers. I know I hate them. What I would give to beat the crap out of Peter.
Will and Al stand across from each other in the arena. They put their hands up by their faces to protect themselves, as Four taught us, and shuffle in a circle around each other. Al is half a foot taller than Will, and twice as broad. As I stare at him, I realize that even his facial features are big—big nose, big lips, big eyes. This fight won't last long.
I glance at Peter and his friends. Drew is shorter than both Peter and Molly, but he's built like a boulder, and his shoulders are always hunched. His hair is orange-red, the color of an old carrot.
"Old carrot" Zeke says laughing "You describe things in the funniest ways"
"What's wrong with them?" I say.
"Peter is pure evil. When we were kids, he would pick fights with people from other factions and then, when an adult came to break it up, he'd cry and make up some story about how the other kid started it. And of course, they believed him, because we were Candor and we couldn't lie. Ha ha."
Christina wrinkles her nose and adds, "Drew is just his sidekick. I doubt he has an independent thought in his brain. And Molly…she's the kind of person who fries ants with a magnifying glass just to watch them flail around."
In the arena, Al punches Will hard in the jaw. I wince. Across the room, Eric smirks at Al, and turns one of the rings in his eyebrow.
Will stumbles to the side, one hand pressed to his face, and blocks Al's next punch with his free hand. Judging by his grimace, blocking the punch is as painful as a blow would have been. Al is slow, but powerful.
Peter, Drew, and Molly cast furtive looks in our direction and then pull their heads together, whispering. "I think they know we're talking about them," I say.
"So? They already know I hate them."
"They do? How?"
Christina fakes a smile at them and waves. I look down, my cheeks warm. I shouldn't be gossiping anyway. Gossiping is self-indulgent.
"Really Tris, gossiping is fun" Marlene shouts.
Will hooks a foot around one of Al's legs and yanks back, knocking Al to the ground. Al scrambles to his feet.
"Because I've told them," she says, through the gritted teeth of her smile. Her teeth are straight on top and crooked on the bottom. She looks at me. "We try to be pretty honest about our feelings in Candor. Plenty of people have told me that they don't like me. And plenty of people haven't. Who cares?"
"We just…weren't supposed to hurt people," I say.
"I like to think I'm helping them by hating them," she says. "I'm reminding them that they aren't God's gift to humankind."
Laughter moves around the room. Zeke and Uriah are laughing the hardest they are clutching their stomachs from laughing so hard. When they start to calm down Uriah says "I… am ….so.. Using that one."
I laugh a little at that and focus on the arena again. Will and Al face each other for a few more seconds, more hesitant than they were before. Will flicks his pale hair from his eyes. They glance at Four like they're waiting for him to call the fight off, but he stands with his arms folded, giving no response. A few feet away from him, Eric checks his watch.
After a few seconds of circling, Eric shouts, "Do you think this is a leisure activity? Should we break for nap-time? Fight each other!"
"But…" Al straightens, letting his hands down, and says, "Is it scored or something? When does the fight end?"
"It ends when one of you is unable to continue," says Eric.
"According to Dauntless rules," Four says, "one of you could also concede."
Eric narrows his eyes at Four. "According to the old rules," he says. "In the new rules, no one concedes."
"A brave man acknowledges the strength of others," Four replies.
"A brave man never surrenders."
Four and Eric stare at each other for a few seconds. I feel like I am looking at two different kinds of Dauntless—the honorable kind, and the ruthless kind. But even I know that in this room, it's Eric, the youngest leader of the Dauntless, who has the authority.
"Pff around the initiates maybe" Zeke says. Everyone's eyes turn to him. "The only way Eric gets what he wants from Four is around the initiates because he knows Four can't do anything with you guys around." Zeke explains shrugging his shoulders. Then they turn to me seeking further explanation. "Eric knows I could take his position or beat the shit out of him if I wanted to but I'm not supposed to be outwardly disrespecting authority in front of the initiates because it sets a bad example on the leadership."
"Then why don't you do anything about Eric if you technically could" Christina asks. "Because there is no point to it. If I did something like that and angered him he would probably tell everyone my secrets. We are basically locked in a stalemate at the moment."
"Eric knows your secrets," Zeke says. I shrug "Yeah he is a leader. He has access to my fear landscape, and he figured out my name a long time ago."
"You know he can't tell anyone that information without losing his position right." Max tells me. I raise my eyebrows at him. "All the leaders are under orders to keep your identity a secret. Any leak of that will get them removed from their position and potentially kicked out of Dauntless." I don't even try to contain my shock. Why would he do that for me? "Then how do you explain Jeanine?" "He was smart for once and didn't leave any evidence behind so we couldn't prove it was him." I nod still shocked at this information.
"Why is his identity so important that there are orders to keep it secret?" Zeke asks "Can't give you that information Zeke If you want it Four is going to have to give it to you. Good luck with that." Max replies. Zeke has never pressed me for information but I can tell he is growing more and more curious while we are here. I also can practically feel Natalie's eyes on me. She knows who I am. This Conversation might have confirmed the rumors are true on her side.
Beads of sweat dot Al's forehead; he wipes them with the back of his hand.
"This is ridiculous," Al says, shaking his head. "What's the point of beating him up? We're in the same faction!"
"Oh, you think it's going to be that easy?" Will asks, grinning. "Go on. Try to hit me, slowpoke."
Will puts his hands up again. I see determination in Will's eyes that wasn't there before. Does he really believe he can win? One hard shot to the head and Al will knock him out cold.
That is, if he can actually hit Will. Al tries a punch, and Will ducks, the back of his neck shining with sweat. He dodges another punch, slipping around Al and kicking him hard in the back. Al lurches forward and turns.
When I was younger, I read a book about grizzly bears. There was a picture of one standing on its hind legs with its paws outstretched, roaring. That is how Al looks now. He charges at Will, grabbing his arm so he can't slip away, and punches him hard in the jaw.
I watch the light leave Will's eyes, which are pale green, like celery. They roll back into his head, and all the tension falls from his body. He slips from Al's grasp, dead weight, and crumples to the floor. Cold rushes down my back and fills my chest.
I shake my head. "You could have easily won that" I tell will. He looks at me with Curiosity in his eyes. "Al is more powerful than you, yes but he is also slow and has no real skill to his movements, only power. You could have used your speed to wear him out and then you would have won. For people like Al you need to use your speed against them, get in and get them off balance so you could knock them down." He seems to take in the information and I see Tris doing the same good.
Al's eyes widen, and he crouches next to Will, tapping his cheek with one hand. The room falls silent as we wait for Will to respond. For a few seconds, he doesn't, just lies on the ground with an arm bent beneath him. Then he blinks, clearly dazed.
"Get him up," Eric says. He stares with greedy eyes at Will's fallen body, like the sight is a meal and he hasn't eaten in weeks. The curl of his lip is cruel.
Four turns to the chalkboard and circles Al's name. Victory.
"Next up—Molly and Christina!" shouts Eric. Al pulls Will's arm across his shoulders and drags him out of the arena.
Christina cracks her knuckles. I would wish her luck, but I don't know what good that would do. Christina isn't weak, but she's much narrower than Molly. Hopefully her height will help her.
Across the room, Four supports Will from the waist and leads him out. Al stands for a moment by the door, watching them go. Four leaving makes me nervous. Leaving us with Eric is like hiring a babysitter who spends his time sharpening knives.
I agree I definitely learned my lesson from that. I heard what happened to Christina. I guess I will hear the rest of what happened.
Christina tucks her hair behind her ears. It is chin-length, black, and pinned back with silver clips. She cracks another knuckle. She looks nervous, and no wonder—who wouldn't be nervous after watching Will collapse like a rag doll?
If conflict in Dauntless ends with only one person standing, I am unsure of what this part of initiation will do to me. Will I be Al, standing over a man's body, knowing I'm the one who put him on the ground, or will I be Will, lying in a helpless heap? And is it selfish of me to crave victory, or is it brave? I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants.
I snap to attention when Christina kicks Molly in the side. Molly gasps and grits her teeth like she's about to growl through them. A lock of stringy black hair falls across her face, but she doesn't brush it away.
Al stands next to me, but I'm too focused on the new fight to look at him, or congratulate him on winning, assuming that's what he wants. I am not sure.
Molly smirks at Christina, and without warning, dives, hands outstretched, at Christina's midsection. She hits her hard, knocking her down, and pins her to the ground. Christina thrashes, but Molly is heavy and doesn't budge.
She punches, and Christina moves her head out of the way, but Molly just punches again, and again, until her fist hits Christina's jaw, her nose, her mouth. Without thinking, I grab Al's arm and squeeze it as tightly as I can. I just need something to hold on to. Blood runs down the side of Christina's face and splatters on the ground next to her cheek. This is the first time I have ever prayed for someone to fall unconscious.
But she doesn't. Christina screams and drags one of her arms free. She punches Molly in the ear, knocking her off-balance, and wriggles free. She comes to her knees, holding her face with one hand. The blood streaming from her nose is thick and dark and covers her fingers in seconds. She screams again and crawls away from Molly. I can tell by the heaving of her shoulders that she's sobbing, but I can barely hear her over the throbbing in my ears.
Please go unconscious.
Molly kicks Christina's side, sending her sprawling on her back. Al frees his hand and pulls me tight to his side. I clench my teeth to keep from crying out. I had no sympathy for Al the first night, but I am not cruel yet; the sight of Christina clutching her rib cage makes me want to stand between her and Molly.
"Stop!" wails Christina as Molly pulls her foot back to kick again. She holds out a hand. "Stop! I'm…" She coughs. "I'm done."
Molly smiles, and I sigh with relief. Al sighs too, his rib cage lifting and falling against my shoulder.
"Next time you need to stay on your feet. In a fight you never want to be on or near the ground, because then you are easier to attack. You are more scrappy when you fight and you're decently strong. So you really need to use that when you fight. Again either wear them out or go on offense and use your speed if you can. You need to analyze your opponent before you fight because you can take offense or defense." I say.
"Giving advice today are we Four" Shauna says "Like I didn't do the same for you" I clap back. She just smiles and shakes her head.
Eric walks toward the center of the arena, his movements slow, and stands over Christina with his arms folded. He says quietly, "I'm sorry, what did you say? You're done?"
Christina pushes herself to her knees. When she takes her hand from the ground, it leaves a red handprint behind. She pinches her nose to stop the bleeding and nods.
"Get up," he says. If he had yelled, I might not have felt like everything inside my stomach was about to come out of it. If he had yelled, I would have known that the yelling was the worst he planned to do. But his voice is quiet and his words precise. He grabs Christina's arm, yanks her to her feet, and drags her out the door.
"Follow me," he says to the rest of us.
And we do.
"This isn't going to be good," Shauna says.
"There is a page break," Andrew says.
I feel the roar of the river in my chest.
We stand near the railing. The Pit is almost empty; it is the middle of the afternoon, though it feels like it's been night for days.
If there were people around, I doubt any of them would help Christina. We are with Eric, for one thing, and for another, the Dauntless have different rules—rules that brutality does not violate.
"Yes we do" Max says. He seems agitated. "Then why didn't you do anything about it?" Christina responds. "About what, what the hell did he do? I haven't heard about any of this." Nobody answers and Andrew keeps reading.
Eric shoves Christina against the railing.
"Climb over it," he says.
"What?" She says it like she expects him to relent, but her wide eyes and ashen face suggest otherwise. Eric will not back down.
"Climb over the railing," says Eric again, pronouncing each word slowly. "If you can hang over the chasm for five minutes, I will forget your cowardice. If you can't, I will not allow you to continue initiation."
"Why was I not informed of this?" He sounds really mad. I don't understand Max isn't acting how I expected him to be. He actually seems really mad that Eric did this. I shrug. I honestly didn't think he would do anything about it. "We will be having a chat later."
The railing is narrow and made of metal. The spray from the river coats it, making it slippery and cold. Even if Christina is brave enough to hang from the railing for five minutes, she may not be able to hold on. Either she decides to be factionless, or she risks death.
When I close my eyes, I imagine her falling onto the jagged rocks below and shudder.
"Fine," she says, her voice shaking.
She is tall enough to swing her leg over the railing. Her foot shakes. She puts her toe on the ledge as she lifts her other leg over. Facing us, she wipes her hands on her pants and holds on to the railing so hard her knuckles turn white. Then she takes one foot off the ledge. And the other. I see her face between the bars of the barrier, determined, her lips pressed together.
Next to me, Al sets his watch.
For the first minute and a half, Christina is fine. Her hands stay firm around the railing and her arms don't shake. I start to think she might make it and show Eric how foolish he was to doubt her.
But then the river hits the wall, and white water sprays against Christina's back. Her face strikes the barrier, and she cries out. Her hands slip so she's just holding on by her fingertips. She tries to get a better grip, but now her hands are wet.
Everyone seems to be holding their breath even though we all know that Christina will end up fine. But this must be hard on her because she buries her face in Will's chest. I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy that they can actually be together.
If I help her, Eric would make my fate the same as hers. Will I let her fall to her death, or will I resign myself to being factionless? What's worse: to be idle while someone dies, or to be exiled and empty-handed?
My parents would have no problem answering that question.
But I am not my parents.
As far as I know, Christina hasn't cried since we got here, but now her face crumples and she lets out a sob that is louder than the river. Another wave hits the wall and the spray coats her body. One of the droplets hits my cheek. Her hands slip again, and this time, one of them falls from the railing, so she's hanging by four fingertips.
"Come on, Christina," says Al, his low voice surprisingly loud. She looks at him. He claps. "Come on, grab it again. You can do it. Grab it."
Would I even be strong enough to hold on to her? Would it be worth my effort to try to help her if I know I'm too weak to do any good?
I know what those questions are: excuses. Human reason can excuse any evil; that is why it's so important that we don't rely on it. My father's words.
Christina swings her arm, fumbling for the railing. No one else cheers her on, but Al brings his big hands together and shouts, his eyes holding hers. I wish I could; I wish I could move, but I just stare at her and wonder how long I have been this disgustingly selfish.
I stare at Al's watch. Four minutes have passed. He elbows me hard in the shoulder.
"Come on," I say. My voice is a whisper. I clear my throat. "One minute left," I say, louder this time. Christina's other hand finds the railing again. Her arms shake so hard I wonder if the earth is quaking beneath me, jiggling my vision, and I just didn't notice.
"Come on, Christina," Al and I say, and as our voices join, I believe I might be strong enough to help her.
I will help her. If she slips again, I will.
Another wave of water splashes against Christina's back, and she shrieks as both her hands slip off the railing. A scream launches from my mouth. It sounds like it belongs to someone else.
But she doesn't fall. She grabs the bars of the barrier. Her fingers slide down the metal until I can't see her head anymore; they are all I see.
Al's watch reads 5:00. "Five minutes are up," he says, almost spitting the words at Eric.
Eric checks his own watch. Taking his time, tilting his wrist, all while my stomach twists and I can't breathe. When I blink, I see Rita's sister on the pavement below the train tracks, limbs bent at strange angles; I see Rita screaming and sobbing; I see myself turning away.
"Fine," Eric says. "You can come up, Christina."
Al walks toward the railing.
"No," Eric says. "She has to do it on her own."
"No, she doesn't," Al growls. "She did what you said. She's not a coward. She did what you said." Eric doesn't respond. Al reaches over the railing, and he's so tall that he can reach Christina's wrist. She grabs his forearm. Al pulls her up, his face red with frustration, and I run forward to help. I'm too short to do much good, as I suspected, but I grip Christina under the shoulder once she's high enough, and Al and I haul her over the barrier. She drops to the ground, her face still blood-smeared from the fight, her back soaking wet, her body quivering.
I kneel next to her. Her eyes lift to mine, then shift to Al, and we all catch our breath together.
"End of chapter. Maybe we should all just take a break" Andrew says.
Great, I can finally go punch something. I need to work out some frustration. "Well i'm going to the training room" "Of course you are Four do you do anything besides torcher yourself" Zeke teases. I roll my eyes. "Yeah Four can give us more training now" Uriah pipes in hopeful. "Really Uriah" "Oh come on Four please I'll stop asking pleeeease"
I bring my hand to my head. I wanted to be alone. But I don't see the harm in training him, I just don't want to. But maybe if I give him this he'll leave me alone. "Fine but don't ask again. I'll train anyone who wants it but I will not be sparring any of you. I'm looking at you Uriah." "Deal. Yes!" Uriah shouts, pumping his fists in the air.
"Who all wants to join us?" Uriah asks. "You know I will," Marlene says. "Tris?" Uriah asks "Why not" My heart beats a little faster. I don't regret agreeing to this as much knowing Tris will be there. "Christina? Will?" "I don't feel like it right now" Christina says snuggling into Will. "I'm going to stay with her" Will says. "Okay Let's go" Uriah is practically jumping.
Page break*
We enter the training room and I tell them to all go to a punching bag. "First show me your fighting stances." I know it is one of Tris' weaknesses and this will give me a chance to help her correct it. They all get into their stance. "Uriah sink deeper into your stance you're most likely going to take on offence so that will give you more load into your attack. Marlene you need to move one of your hands higher or they will likely just punch you in the face until you pass out. Tris you probably have noticed but you leave your ribs and stomach exposed too much."
I can't help myself. I move over to Tris and adjust her arms to the right position. I hear Marlene and Uriah both go "Ooooooh" next to me. "You really do only touch her," Uriah says. "Watch it, Uriah" I warn. I can feel the heat coming from Tris' cheeks. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I reluctantly move away from her.
I spend the next hour and a half working with them. It was actually pretty productive. They all improved a bit, and Uriah seemed really happy I agreed. It wasn't that bad honestly even though I am not going to tell them that. We only really stopped because Natalie called us for lunch.
Natalie Pov
The four go off into the training room. Tobias is honestly really impressive. How much he has changed in the last few years really is remarkable. It also sounds like the rumors about Marcus are true but I can't ask him about it. And if they are true he probably doesn't want to talk about it. Andrew hasn't figured out who he is yet though and honestly that surprises me. I recognized him instantly and he is friends with Marcus, he is also a former Erudite.
He would be good for Tris. He has protected her and seems to really care for her. But he seems hesitant to act on it. I can only guess why.
Christina and Will go upstairs to their room. I can tell reading the last chapter hurt Christina more than she would care to admit and I can relate to that.
Zeke and Shauna also head upstairs. Those two are going to get together by the end of this. Zeke and Uriah remind me so much of Hana. I feel like all them are like my own kids at this point. My motherly instinct making me step in to help take care of these kids.
So now the only ones left in the lounge are me, Andrew, Tori, and Max. "I can't believe Four's shell is finally cracking" Max says. "I suppose we can all thank your daughter for that." "What do you mean?" Andrew asks. Tori answers "Four has always been quiet. He always spends time by himself and he never really wanted friends. Least of all a girlfriend. We practically had to push him to become friends with Shauna and Zeke."
"I think they would be really good together" I say. "I agree he has guarded his emotions for so long I think it would benefit him." Tori responds. "He doesn't seem too eager to act on his feelings through Tori" Max says. "He doesn't, but that doesn't mean we can't push them together a little bit. His feelings have been getting stronger the longer this goes on" Tori adds.
"I'm going to start making lunch," Andrew says. He seems like he wants to leave. I don't necessarily blame him, he is kind of the odd one out here. They don't seem to notice or really care that he left; they just continue on with the conversation.
"I mean it is the first time he has ever liked anyone." Tori adds on. "He seems really gentle with her." I start to join more into the conversation. "Also very protective over her. Nobody dared go any closer when her divergence came out." I say with a laugh. "He also saved her from those initiates who attacked her." I say "Yeah I'm going to look into that when we get back. I don't really want those three dauntless, and Al is probably going to get cut anyway." Max replies. I nod my head.
"So how are we going to get those two together?" Tori asks. I can't help but laugh. They look at me asking for answers. "I never thought I would be plotting how to get my daughter with a boy." They laugh a little too. It feels good talking to them again. I haven't really had the chance since I transferred. I hadn't realised how much I miss my old friends.
Zeke and Shauna come down "What we talking about" Zeke asks he seems happy. "How to get Four and Tris together." I say. They look shocked "You are in on this" Zeke says "Absolutely got any ideas." "Well they share a room together so that will help us out" Shauna comes in. "He's bound to cave in eventually. I can tell how bad he wants her." "Maybe tomorrow we can try to get those two too play candor and dauntless and give them each dares and truths that will drive them together." Zeke says.
"But those two both refused to play that game. Even though it can be really fun if you get into it." I tell them. "You have played Candor or Dauntless" Zeke sounds astounded. "I was dauntless once too Zeke" I tell him. "That makes a lot of sense" "Yeah be good or I'll tell your mother on you" I say teasing him. "You know my mother," his mouth practically hits the floor. "Your mom is one of my best friends Zeke". He shakes his head.
"So we in on Candor or Dauntless tomorrow" Shauna puts us back on track. "It might work" Max says "Natalie you'll probably have to convince your daughter. Four will be easier to convince if Tris is playing. But Zeke and Shauna, that's your job."
Andrew calls out to us that he is done making lunch so I go fetch everyone else and we all sit down to lunch.