Nikki sat across from Jack in their office. The usually relaxed, happy atmosphere was thick and as unforgiving as a solid brick wall. The two of them had hardly spoken to each other since Jack had confronted her about Ollie – well, Jack hadn't spoken. Nikki had been devastated to realise the student's voice had been on the end of her phone message to him, and she knew that her drunken mistake had cost her more than potentially her job. For years her position at the Lyell had been her life, but losing Jack was far worse – especially now that they had finally admitted how they felt – this was her worst nightmare.
Jack knew Nikki had explained to Ollie that it had been wrong and wouldn't be happening again, but when she had told him, Jack had point blank ignored her, not even bothering to look up from his paperwork to acknowledge her presence. He was jealous and angry. Jealous that she had been with someone that wasn't him, despite the fact that he had been with someone else himself a few nights previously, and the fact that both of the 'someone elses' had happened before their kiss. He was angry that she had been with Ollie, potentially jeopardising her whole career and her life's work – and at Ollie for putting Nikki in that position. The student had, after all been the one to invite her to the party to 'judge', not to mention the way he'd kept appearing at the Lyell 'waiting for Nikki' and showering her with flattery. Jack was also angry to find out from Ollie that Nikki had split up with Matt. He hadn't known, and Nikki usually told him everything. As usual, Jack's way to deal with his anger and hurt, was to ignore Nikki and pretend he no longer cared about her – that when he had kissed her, he didn't know what he was doing.
There had been a brief instant earlier where he'd unintentionally let his guard down. Simone had rung the canteen to order some sandwiches and she had asked them if they wanted any. Nikki had politely declined and Jack, in a moment of weakness, remembering she had struggled to eat properly when she was stressed after Mexico, inquired whether she had 'eaten today at all.'
Nikki was deeply hurt by Jack's attitude to her mistake, as well as the knowledge that she had ruined any chance of a relationship with him and his interference didn't go down well. The constant pain she was in at the moment was relentless and that was not helping her mood either. She was on a short fuse. Jack, of course, didn't know she was in pain. She had made sure of that. She was good at hiding things when she thought it was protecting him.
She fiercely made eye-contact with Jack and he was shocked to see how empty her eyes looked – a stark contrast to when they had kissed in the taxi – when her eyes had held only love for him. In reality, Nikki was trying her best to mask her pain. Unbeknownst to her colleagues she had been routinely taking paraceptamol and ibuprofen – as often as she was allowed. It didn't take the pain away but it numbed it enough for her to go about her business. The painkillers had run out and she hadn't remembered to bring some in from home. Nikki had meant to take a detour to the chemist on her way back to the Lyell after speaking to Ollie, but she was anxious to get back to Jack and sort things out with him, so she'd momentarily forgotten. However, when she got back to work, Jack wouldn't even look at her – now all of a sudden he was concerned.
"I'll eat when I'm hungry!" She snapped coldly. "You can stay out of it."
"Nikki!" Simone exclaimed, taken aback. "Don't talk to him like that."
"I'll talk to him exactly as I like." The angry pathologist responded, gingerly getting to her feet. The effort of trying to treat the man she loved more than her own life, with hatred, was exhausting and the pain was making her weaker. She winced and tried to breathe through it.
It didn't escape Simone's notice. "Nikki, are you ok?"
Jack looked up from his paperwork in concern, having ducked his head down quickly after being on the receiving end of her snappy retort.
Nikki put on her best plastic smile. "I'm fine – and I don't want any sandwiches, thank you."
They watched as she slowly shuffled past with the manner of the old ladies in the care home. She was on her way to the kitchen for a glass of water. Jack was worried.
As Nikki became level with him, she was overcome with the need for his comfort and she hated herself for her treatment of him.
"I'm sorry, Jack" She mumbled as she went past, low enough so only he could hear.
Jack instinctively tried to catch her hand as it almost brushed his, but he missed and had to quickly turn it into a strange sort of arm stretch in order to avoid detection from their colleague. They were supposedly in the middle of an argument after all.
"You shouldn't let hear speak to you like that." Nikki heard Simone say as she left the office.
"She never has before." Jack answered under his breath. Simone didn't hear, but Nikki did – she was used to Jack's voice.
"Sorry?" The other woman asked.
"I said she can talk to me however she likes. I don't care." He responded, making sure Nikki could hear. Part of him was still angry, but the other part wanted her to know he was on her side.
"Oh for goodness sake you two!" Simone retorted, getting up to attend a call out.
Jack and Nikki worked in silence after she left, although Nikki was aware that he kept shooting her concerned glances when he thought she wasn't looking.
Jack was worried, but he was also upset and confused. Nikki was behaving very strangely and her temperament was changing so rapidly that he almost had whiplash. He was in no mood to talk to her.
Nikki's pain was reaching unbearable. "Jack"
"Not interested" he remarked bluntly, half hoping it would make her argue back.
"Fine!" she yelled slamming her hand down on her desk. "Just go then!"
Jack had leapt to his feet in shock when her hand made contact with her desk. He was shaken up.
"Fine I will!" he shouted. He grabbed his paperwork and the portable radio off the side, and flounced off to the viewing room.
Once there, he sat down at the table, turned the radio on to drown himself out, and started crying.
Nikki was also in floods of tears after he left, eventually heading for another glass of water to try and calm down. Another wave of pain overtook her and she gripped the counter for support.
"Jack" She whispered, than louder. "Jack"
With a crash, Nikki hit the floor, the glass smashing and water spilling everywhere. She bit her tongue and started choking.
In the viewing room, the Carpenters 'Hurting each other' started playing.
"For fuck's sake!" Jack grumbled through gritted teeth, before switching the radio off in disgust. The song lyrics were far too real for him to cope with. It was at that moment he heard Nikki's voice, followed by the sound of her collapsing.
"Nikki!" he yelled, rushing out the viewing room and barking "Ambulance" at Simone, who had just come in, as he took in the sight before him.
"Shit" He exclaimed dropping down next to Nikki.
She was barely breathing and gurgling noises came from her mouth as her body tried to cope with the obstruction to her airways. He pulled her onto her side and watched the blood drip out.
Nikki coughed and spluttered. Her chest heaved for a few minutes as it tried to regulate her breathing.
"I'm sorry" Jack whispered "I knew there was something wrong. I should never have left you." He covered his face with one hand, whilst the other rested on her to keep her on her side. "Oh why did I leave?"
Nikki breathed out. "Because I told you too" She mumbled with her eyes still closed.
"Hey shorty" Jack murmured, uttering the affectionate nickname he'd given her on numerous occasions – though this time he wished he hadn't. She looked so tiny and vulnerable, lying there in the recovery position.
"I'll go and wait for the ambulance." Simone suggested, knowing that Nikki was in safe hands with Jack and deciding that the two of them were better left to it. Jack nodded, as she left. He'd been fully focused on Nikki and had completely forgotten Simone was there.
Nikki opened her eyes. "Hi" she muttered "I scared you before – I didn't mean to – I'm sorry."
"Shhhh I'm sorry too." Jack agreed. "I'm sorry for everything."
"Are you sorry for kissing me?" Nikki whispered nervously.
"No" Jack admitted "Are you sorry about that?"
"No." Nikki winced as the pain briefly overtook her again. "Ah God!"
Jack rubbed her arm comfortingly."Alright, shhh. Now will you tell me where the pain is?" He asked quietly.
"Abdomen" Nikki gave a sharp intake of breath and closed her eyes.
Jack put his hand lightly on her forehead and soothed her gently. "How long?"
"A while." Nikki breathed out, the wave of pain subsiding a little. She opened her eyes again. "I was taking paracetamol, ibuprofen on a regular basis. It numbed the pain, but I ran out."
"Oh darling why didn't you tell me?"
"I suppose I didn't want to worry you." She mumbled.
"You used to tell me everything" He lamented "but you didn't even tell me you'd broken up with Matt."
"I thought you'd know. It's like we're on the same wavelength sometimes and-" she gasped again, owing to another wave of pain. "I just thought you'd know somehow – it didn't occur to me that you wouldn't." She breathed out "But then Simone was setting you up on a date and I thought maybe you'd be better off with someone else."
Jack grasped her hand. "I don't want anyone else" He told her fervently.
"No, me neither." She admitted.
"And the party you went invited to?" Jack asked "The alcohol helped the pain?"
"Yeah" Nikki agreed. "The painkillers just numb it. The alcohol made it go away, but I drank too much and I didn't know what I was doing – and the pain was terrible when I woke up."
"Alright darling, breathe through the pain." Jack spoke softly as another wave hit her. "Shhh, the ambulance will be here soon." He whispered, leaning down and gently brushing his lips against hers.
A few hours later...
Jack and Simone stood up anxiously as the doctor came in.
"Dr Alexander is in recovery. The operation went well. She had what we call a 'grumbling appendix'. I imagine she's been in pain for quite some time. It can sometimes develop into appendicitis, but now that we have removed her appendix, she shouldn't have any further trouble." He turned back at the door. "She should be out of recovery soon."
A little while later, the door opened and a hospital bed with a slightly groggy-looking Nikki was wheeled in.
"Hi sweetheart how are you feeling?" Jack whispered, taking her hand in his.
"Mmm I'm better than I was" she mumbled sleepily. "I'm never gonna shout at you again."
Jack grinned sheepishly at Simone, before turning his focus back to Nikki. "That's good to hear" he chuckled bringing her hand up to his lips.