"I've never been so cold. I didn't know what I was doing"
Nikki opened her mouth. She was devastated to think she had messed up so badly and was angry at herself – and also at him for his remark.
What she had done was bad, she knew that and she was ashamed, but she had been drunk and not in full possession of herself at the time – and it had happened before their special moment earlier. Jack was normally more understanding towards her.
She wanted to snap back at him, but she couldn't bring herself to say anything that might hurt him. It was almost as though a switch had been flicked during that brief, sweet moment in the taxi and that was a button she could no longer press. The 'anger at Jack' control was broken. Instead, she found herself shutting her mouth again and making a move to simply leave the room, head drooped in shame – but Jack hadn't finished.
"Reckon I might give Liz a call"
Jack had no intention of calling Liz back – as nice as she was. His sights were firmly set on Nikki one way or the other – now or if he had to wait another 8 years for her, but he was angry and –part of him at that moment wanted Nikki to think he no longer cared. The other part of him hoped she knew he did. Nikki did indeed believe he had stopping caring though – at least on the level where they might be if she hadn't screwed things up. His latest comment was like another knife in her heart, but still Nikki felt unable to give him anger back. Of course, that was what Jack was hoping for. He was in the mood for a fight. Jack would never ever fight her physically, but a word fight with Nikki was like fuel for his boiling temper.
To his disappointment, Nikki didn't flare up. She turned back, but didn't look at him and kept her eyes firmly on the floor.
"I hope you have a nice time, Jack." She commented bluntly "I get that you don't care and I don't blame you, but if you're going to call Liz because you're angry then it's not really fair on her, is it?" She shrugged "On the other hand, why would you want my advice, so..." Nikki prepared to leave again but changed her mind and finally made eye contact with Jack "For what it's worth – if it's worth anything, I was drunk and stupid – and" She raised her voice slightly "I would do anything – anything – to have been trapped in that bloody care home with you instead." She paused "I'm sorry, Jack. I'm really sorry."
With that said, she left to tidy Thomas' old office – and Leo's before that, which they were now using as another meeting room. Jack watched her go. He felt bad. His remarks had bee born purely of anger and he wished he hadn't said them now – she'd taken them more seriously than he expected – no doubt blind to his true intentions due to her shame. Jack had wanted Nikki to yell at him. Instead she had spoken in a caring way, but as if she had given up, and then she had walked off as though she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.
*What the hell was that about?"Simone asked.
Jack picked up his pen and chucked it back on his desk. "Nothing. Nothing at all."
"Well, whatever it is – you two need you heads banging together!" She exclaimed, grabbing her coat. She poked her head around the door of the meeting room. "See ya later Nikki."
After Simone had left, Jack watched Nikki in the distance, clearing up in Thomas' office. A few moments later, however, he was out of his seat and hotfooting it over there.
Nikki was tidying up the paperwork on the table and trying to push away the rage she felt at herself. She was glad that Simone had gone out, it one less person to try and keep a lid on her feelings around. Part of her wished Jack had gone out to , but part of her was glad he there. She still felt a tiny bit of comfort from his presence, even if he didn't want to give her any comfort. A little comfort wasn't enough though – as she soon found out.
All of a sudden, the rage completely engulfed her. With an almighty yell, she picked up the plastic plant from the middle of the table and hurled it at the photo of herself, Jack, Thomas and Clarissa hanging by the door. The glass cracked across Jack's smiling face from the impact of Thomas' old centrepiece and the picture fell down.
Nikki staggered back, breathing heavily and slumped down the wall miserably, her head in her hands.
Jack was there in seconds. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly.
"It's ok. It's ok." He whispered, rocking her gently.
"No, it's not" Nikki sniffed "I let you down. I've ruined everything."
"No, you haven't. I wasn't serious about ringing Liz. I was just angry. What happened in the taxi between us meant everything." He stroked her hair as she snuggled into him. "Hey shhh" He murmured as she let out a sob.
"I broke your picture – sorry." She mumbled into his chest.
Jack chuckled lightly "Oh, well never mind love – I didn't like that picture of me anyway."