Nikki shivered and surveyed her dark, smelly surroundings. Since the events of Mexico, she'd hated dark, claustrophobic spaces – and yet she'd chosen to come here. She wasn't sure exactly why – she had just run – albeit in a taxi some of the way. This was where she'd ended up. It had felt like the right place to stop the taxi. The driver looked at her oddly when she spontaneously asked him to 'drop her off here' but he had agreed. He had also undoubtedly been concerned by her appearance but she'd told him she was a stunt actor and she was wearing makeup.
She thought back to the comment she'd overheard from Jack the day before:
"She's with Matt. Has been for ages. All very happy thank you."
Nikki hadn't realised she hadn't told him – or more to the point, she had assumed he'd know when she sang 'Angels' to him. She thought he knew her well enough to know she'd never cheat on anyone nor would she risk Jack thinking he was 'second-best', but as she was now aware, the penny clearly hadn't dropped. It hardly mattered now. She ruined things- including potentially her job, by sleeping with a student. A drunken moment of madness she didn't care to repeat and now Jack hated her.
With hindsight – now he knew about her mistake, if he thought she was still with Matt, then he also thought she had cheated twice, once with her mistake and again when the two of them had kissed, as well as behaving stupidly because of the alcohol.
Jack probably felt cheap and used - as though he wasn't really that important to her. They were feelings she'd never ever wanted him to have, especially not in regard to her. Understandably, he was angry and hurt, but his icy words had sliced through her, like a blade laced with poison.
Nikki hadn't been concentrating when she'd rushed out of the Lyell. She was fine. Cuts and bruises, - and being a doctor she was fairly sure she'd broken her wrist. Paying for the taxi had been more difficult than she'd expected, but the driver did contactless, so she'd got away with it. Anyway, she was alive, so it could have been worse.
Nikki didn't know what she was waiting for – or indeed if there was any point in waiting. She was sure that the man she cared for more than her own life – the man she loved, didn't want to know her anymore, and she didn't know if she could go back and face him or Simone, knowing that she might not have a job either.
She had told Ollie it was a drunken mistake that must never happen again, before she left that morning, and though she had been in a rush to find Jack and make sure he was ok, the student had appeared to agree – disappointed maybe, but he'd fully accepted it. She wasn't worried about that and she didn't think Jack would say anything either.
The problem was her own conscience, which was currently screaming at her – probably because of how much she'd hurt Jack with her drunken antics. She didn't know if she could go back to the Lyell at present – but she also had nowhere else to go. If she went home – well - that was the first place someone would look for her and she didn't want to see anyone. Not strictly true, she decided as an afterthought. Part of her longed to see Jack - perhaps why she had come here. The other part reminded her of his frostiness and told her he wouldn't want anything to do with her. She also needed to prove to herself that she was still the person he knew by hiding somewhere only he would know – if he wanted to see her.
Back at the Lyell...
"Jack, can you come here a moment?" Simone called from the kitchen/sitting area.
The tall Irish scientist appeared in the doorway to see a worried looking man on the sofa. Jack vaguely recognised him as working in another part of the building.
"He's worried about Nikki." Simone informed her colleague. "He says he hit her with his car in the car park"
"You did WHAT?!" Jack demanded, raising his voice and now directing his earlier anger with Nikki at a man he'd barely even seen before. Jack made for the door.
"Calm down Jack!" Simone exclaimed, grabbing his arm to stop him. "He said she got up and ran off"
"I'm so sorry" The man stammered "She came out of nowhere and I didn't see her. I got out to check she was ok but she ran. She seemed upset."
"Off course she bloody was!" Jack snapped "she'd just been hit by a car!"
"Jack!" Simone warned him sharply. She'd noticed, even in her short time working with them that Nikki had a way of calming Jack's temper when he needed it. Nikki wasn't here, she was possibly hurt and the two of them had clearly fallen out. Simone wondered how the hell she was going to get Jack to calm down in this instance. She looked at the other man. "Thank you for letting us know."
" 'Thank you for letting us know'?!" Jack hissed as the man left. "He hasn't bloody cracked a case for us! – and you're just going to let him go? Nikki could be injured or anything – she could be anywhere!"
"Don't look at me like that, Jack." Simone remarked. "We have the man's details. We can contact him if we need to – and you know as well as I do that Nikki was agitated when she left here – before she got to the car park." She paused "I don't know what is going on with you two. You've obviously had some kind of argument and for some reason that comment you made about being 'so cold you didn't know what you were doing' upset her. I have no idea why – but she practically ran out after you said that. That's probably why she didn't see the car."
Jack stared at the floor, his anger now replaced with cold dread, guilt and self hatred. The woman he'd sworn to protect could be lying in a ditch somewhere, badly injured – dying even - and it was all his fault. "She could be anywhere" He mumbled.
"Let's have a look at the CCTV in the car park and see which direction she went in." Simone suggested sensibly.
They watched until they saw Nikki rushing into the car park. She collided with the car on the screen. It wasn't as dramatic as Jack had imagined – just a good bump that knocked her to the ground, but he was still worried. She sat up almost straight away, but remained sitting on the ground for a minute or two – perhaps in shock and too stunned to move – until the man appeared in front of her. At that point, she shakily managed to get to her feet, grab her bag from where it landed and hurried off around the corner without looking back.
"She got up, Jack. She got up." Simone pointed out, trying to reassure him. "She could still run."
"She might have internal injuries or something and could have collapsed somewhere!" He shot back hysterically.
Simone felt sorry for her forlorn colleague. "Nikki took her bag, Jack. She might have her phone as well – I'll give her a call." She reasoned, deciding that he was currently in no state to do so.
Nikki jumped slightly at the sudden ringing of her phone. Awkwardly - owing to her one useful hand, she fumbled in her bag and took it out. She was a little disappointed to see Simone's name on the screen and not Jack's but she wasn't surprised. She debated whether to answer for a few seconds, but they were probably aware of her little 'accident' by now and she couldn't bear the thought of Jack being worried – just in case he was.
Nikki put the phone to her ear. "Hello?"
"Nikki!" The concerned voice came back on the other end "Are you ok? Where are you? We know what happened in the car park. Are you hurt? Why did you run off?"
So many questions. Nikki only had one – and she was determined not to answer any until she knew. "Is Jack ok?"
"Jack's fine" Simone told her. He sat up in his seat. Nikki had been hit by a car but she was still more worried about him. "He's agitated in case you're hurt, but he's fine otherwise." Simone added "Do you want to talk to him?"
Jack looked hopeful but slouched back down in his desk chair miserably when he realised that Nikki had given a negative reply and asked Simone to pass on a message instead. His colleague patted him on the shoulder sympathetically and turned away to accept the message.
Nikki had been desperate for it to be Jack on the phone right up until Simone had asked if she wanted to talk to him. At that point, she had suddenly decided she didn't want to hear his voice without seeing him. She wasn't sure he would want to see her – and it was a thought she couldn't cope with. If he did choose to see her – it had to be his decision – and his only. Hearing her voice might influence him – particularly if Jack being Jack thought she 'sounded' like she was injured. He had to want to come.
"Tell him I'm fine – just cuts and bruises." Well, it wasn't untrue exactly – she'd just left out the part about her broken wrist. He didn't need to know that at the moment – it would just agitate him further. "Tell him I'm sorry" she continued " – I'm so sorry for my drunken mistake and tell Jack he means everything to me." She hesitated. "And...I think it's time for me to go – I'm sorry"
"Go? What? Nikki , you're not-" Simone's heart was in her mouth.
"No no, that's not what I mean" Nikki answered hurriedly. "I would never do that to him ever."
Simone breathed a sigh of relief – though Jack still looked distraught since he'd cottoned on to the subject of Nikki leaving. "Where are you going to go then? I've just started here. This place will fall apart without you!"
"I might go back to Africa. It's for the best. I've hurt him and I let him down. Jack doesn't want me around – and I don't want to be at the Lyell if he's not there, so there's no reason for me to stay. It's for the best." She repeated. "I'm sorry Simone – it's been so lovely meeting you. Tell Jack-" She paused. "No. He knows – deep down – he knows. And if he doesn't – well-" She broke off tearfully.
"Nikki wait!" The younger woman exclaimed determinedly "Please just tell us where you are. Jack's desperate to see you"
There was a short silence. "I'm in the place he took me to during the first case we worked on together. If he really does want to see me, he'll know where that is." Nikki stated before hanging up.
Jack sat up again as Simone took the phone away from her ear and turned back to him.
"Where's she going?" He whispered, sounding upset.
"She's not" Simone responded "Not yet anyway." She wracked her brains to ensure she didn't forget anything. "Nikki has cuts and bruises, but she's ok." She told him "she's really sorry for her drunken mistake - whatever that was – and you mean everything to her. She's in the place you took her during the first case you worked on together – she said you'll know what that means."
Nikki hoped that Jack would understand and know where she was. She had come to the overflow entrance near to where Deanna Collier had been found, for a number of reasons, not least that she needed to keep an eye on the tides to avoid being caught in a more perilous situation. The manhole she and Jack had used years ago had been open for maintenance at the time and it was unlikely that it was open now, not to mention the one-handed circumstance which would prevent her using a ladder. She had also found, once she'd got to the entrance, that her fear of being trapped in a small, dark, confined space again had kicked in and she couldn't bring herself to go into the sewer any further anyway.
Nikki could have just sat on the beach outside the entrance, of course, but she felt that was too 'easy'. Too 'kind' for her. She was angry at herself for hurting Jack and she didn't deserve easy or kind.
Nikki sat waiting and hoped.