"Castle!" Kate shouted as she came bursting through the lobby doors. The strong, spring sunlight momentarily obscured her vision as she looked left and right, desperate to see the broad frame of her partner. She spotted him about half way down the block and set off, briefly thanking her ability to move fast in four inch heels. "Rick. Wait. Please." she called to his retreating back. "I know you were there. I know you heard what I said. Let me explain, please. You owe me that much."
At these words, Rick paused and Kate caught up to him. He didn't turn until she was inches from colliding with him. "I owe you?" He spat and Kate recoiled. "You lied to me. For almost a year. And you think I owe you something. I don't owe you anything, Beckett."
"Please. Castle, I'm sorry." Kate implored.
"That's not enough this time, Kate. It's not enough for you to chase me down and feed me some half assed apology whose meaning is buried in subtext. It worked once, but now, it's not nearly enough." His voice dropped at the end of the sentence. The expression on his face was one of such profound defeat, Kate could feel his heart breaking right along with hers.
"Tell me what I can do, Castle. I know I can't make it right, but tell me what I can do."
"I don't know, Kate. I don't know if there's anything you can do. I'll get over you eventually. Then everything can go back to how it was. Just give me some time." With that, he turned and walked away from her.
Kate was so stunned, she could neither move nor speak. Did he really believe she lied to him because she didn't feel the same way when nothing could be further from the truth? She should be chasing after him again, explaining that she didn't want him to get over her. In fact, that's the exact opposite of what she wanted. She should catch him and tell him how much she loved him, but she couldn't move. She could only stand there in the middle of the crowded city block and watch him walk away.
Eventually, she was knocked off balance by someone and her brain began functioning again. By this time, Castle was long gone, and Kate decided running after him in that moment might not be a good idea, after all. She wouldn't leave him long though. She couldn't let the idea that she didn't return his feelings sit too long. She needed to disabuse him of that notion before the roots wound themselves too tightly around his heart and strangled any love he still felt underneath the pain.
Kate arrived back at her desk without even realizing that's where she was walking. Again, she stared down at that white cup and she thought back to their conversation just weeks ago. Learning Castle took the time every morning to make her latte had meant so much to her. That conversation had done as much damage to her walls as being wrapped in his arms during the one dance they shared at Ryan's wedding. She remembered thinking on the way home that coffee acted as something of a wrecking ball to the defenses around her heart. As she picked up the still warm cup and took a long drink, she wondered if she could use coffee to bring down the wall Castle had thrown up between them and, at the same time, show him how much she really did love him.
With a plan forming, Kate grabbed her phone and fired off a quick text to Alexis. If she was lucky, Alexis didn't yet know her father was upset and Kate was the reason. She sighed heavily when the reply came within minutes. Alexis was happy to provide the address and name of the coffee tasting room where she'd taken her father the previous summer. Kate thanked her and headed into the break room.
"Hey Javi. Can I ask a favor?"
"Sure. What's up?" Espo replied, looking up from the file he was reading.
"When this case is over, could you and Kev handle the paperwork? There's something I'm going to have to do." She replied, looking over his shoulder toward the dreaded espresso machine.
"Sure. But you're gonna owe us next time we have it piling up." He said, a slight smirk on his face.
"Yeah. No problem." She muttered, distractedly.
"Everything okay Beckett?" Javi asked her.
"Fine. It's just this case. You know? Makes you think about things."
"No doubt." Espo said. With that, he stood and left her to stare at the coffee machine.
Kate didn't see Castle again until the end of the case. When he returned, it was only to suggest a theory that turned out to be right. During the brief time he spent in the precinct, he didn't so much as look in Kate's direction. He directed all his ideas to Ryan, who was too delighted by the attention from the writer to notice something was off. Espo noticed something wasn't right between the partners, but he was smart enough not to mention it.
Once LeAnn West was in cuffs, Castle disappeared to the break room to retrieve the travel cup he'd left on her desk just over twenty four hours before. Without so much as a glance at her, he and the empty cup boarded the elevator and were gone.
When Kate saw him leaving, she was disappointed he remembered the cup. That cup had been part of her plan. Pulling out her phone, intent on ordering a set of identical cups, Kate realized this might be an opportunity. She quickly gathered her things, reminded the boys of the deal Javi agreed to, ignored the affronted look on Ryan's face, and headed for the elevator.
On her way home, Kate stopped into her favorite store. It was just blocks from her apartment and was responsible for most of the basic housewares she'd had to replace after the explosion. Kate took her time wandering through the shelves and tables. She was determined not to force a choice. She felt certain she would know the right thing when she saw it. She was also positive if she couldn't find it here, she wouldn't find it at all.
Toward the back of the store, Kate saw what she needed. Buried on the back of the shelf were two white travel mugs, each with their own white lid. Next to them was a stack of white, cardboard coffee sleeves, wrapped in plastic, and bearing the words "YOUR MESSAGE HERE." They were perfect, Kate thought as she scooped up the lot and made her way to the front of the store.
Back out on the street, she called up the text from Alexis and found the tasting room was only a couple blocks away. Determination renewed, Kate set out. Within minutes, she was pushing open the doors and was surrounded by the smell of coffee. At first, Kate could only stare. It reminded her of a wine tasting room, but, instead of bottles on the walls, there was canister after canister of dark coffee beans. A bar with evenly placed stools ran the length of the narrow space. Kate stepped up to the closest empty stool.
"Can I help you?" The friendly looking blonde asked as she approached.
"Yeah. I need a new blend, but I'm not sure what I want." Kate replied, cautiously. She loved coffee, but she was out of her element in a place like this. Were it not for Castle, she would be drinking sludge both at work and at home.
"Sure thing." The girl said. "We have something for every taste. What are you looking for in your coffee?"
Kate didn't answer right away. She thought back to how Castle had described the coffee that had reminded him of her. He'd said it was strong, had a definite kick, but also had an underlying sweetness.
"Umm." Kate began. "It should be smooth, but have a strength that catches you off guard. And it should be sweet, but unexpectedly so. And, I don't know, reliable, steadfast? Like every time I make it, it will be the same."
"I know exactly what you mean." The sales girl said. "I'll be right back."
While Kate waited, she wondered if this plan would be enough. If she was honest with herself, she wasn't sure it would be, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to try. Castle had been so patient for so long. He'd agreed to wait for her to be ready with only the vaguest hint at what he was waiting for. He'd done so much to bring her walls down and she'd just continued to lie to him. Everyday, she could have made it right and she didn't. Now it might be too late.
Kate was on the point of swiping an errant tear from her eye when she sales girl returned with a bag of beans and a small, ivory cup and saucer.
"Try this." she said. "If it's not what you're looking for, we will try something else."
Normally, Kate would never drink plain, black coffee, but she knew this was the best way to experience the beans and the roast. Kate cautiously brought the steaming cup to her lips and took a measured sip. She closed her eyes as the taste and smell of the drink washed over her. It was perfect. Everything she'd described. It was Castle, in coffee form.
"Perfect." she said, smiling widely at the sales girl.
"I knew you would like it. It's from Haiti. They don't produce a whole lot of coffee compared to somewhere like Brazil, but what they do send out is incredible."
Kate took another sip and said, "It really is. How many bags of the beans do you have?"
The girl replied, "I think we only have five."
"I will take them all." Kate said. "I'll also need a grinder and something to store them in please."
Twenty minutes later and her credit card considerable lighter, Kate exited the coffee tasting room and set off for home. On her way, she called Ryan and asked him for one more favor. He agreed, but at the rate she was going, she would be doing paperwork for the boys until she retired.
She could see Kevin standing outside her place when she approached. He looked like he was about to be crushed under the weight of the box he was carrying. Sliding her bags on to her arm, she took the grasped one side of the box to help him carry it upstairs.
"What are you going to do with this thing?" Kevin asked when they finally heaved the espresso machine on to her kitchen counter.
"I need it for a project." She replied, being intentionally vague.
"But won't Castle notice it's missing the next time he goes to refill your coffee?"
"I don't think that will be a problem, Kev." Kate said, turning her back on the man.
"Kate." Kevin said, his voice laced with concern. "Is everything okay with you and Castle? You guys seemed out of sorts toward the end of the case."
Kate shrugged. "Not really. But that's kinda why I asked you to bring me this behemoth. Now I just need to figure out how to use it without sustaining injury."
"I think I can help with that." Kevin said with a smirk and he stepped around her to plug in the machine.
The two detectives spend the next hour making cappuccino after cappuccino. The first couple were a disaster, but, after some minor burns and much cursing, Kate managed to get the hang of it. Finally, Ryan pronounced her drink passable and she felt confident she could repeat the process without supervision. She waved Ryan off with her thanks and his promise not to tell anyone where the machine had disappeared to.
The next day, Kate rose with the sun. Gates had given her team the next three days off, but sleeping in wasn't an option. After her shower, she made her way into the kitchen, ground some beans from the canister on her counter, and proceeded to make a cappuccino to the specifications she'd seen Castle make for himself on countless occasions. It took her several tries, but she eventually figured it out.
Only when she was sure the drink was perfect did Kate turn her attention to the cardboard sleeve. She'd swiped a pen from her desk drawer and wrote carefully, "1 of 100." Under that, slightly smaller, she continued, "I know what I did was unforgivable. I know you have no reason to ever trust me again, but I am not going to walk away without a fight. You waited for me. You used coffee to knock down my walls. Now it's my turn. Consider this my first coffee shaped wrecking ball." Kate flipped the sleeve over and, on the blank side, signed her name.
Once she was satisfied with her message, Kate hurried from her apartment and into a cab. Approaching Castle's door just before six, she said a silent prayer that Martha or Alexis wouldn't kick the cup over when they opened the door. She quickly touched the tip of her finger to her lips and then to the lid of the cup. Then she set the cup down and hurried back toward the elevator.
A/N: I thought this was going to be a one shot, but my brain had other ideas. I am not as confident about this chapter... probably because it didn't marinate as long. I hope you enjoy. Reviews and feedback are welcome. I still have no beta. So all mistakes are mine.