Some extra scenes from Reputations, parts 1 and 2

Before the christening...

Pulling up outside Nikki's house, Jack tugged at the collar of his shirt. He hated wearing a shirt and tie, it just wasn't him. It never had been. Glancing down at his jeans, he hoped he'd be smart enough for the occasion. Not able to bring himself to wear a full suit on such a nice day, and not actually even owning one besides his funeral suit, he'd persuaded himself that a shirt, tie and jeans would do, together with a smart jacket. At least he wouldn't stand out like a sore thumb if at least his top half was dressed for the occasion.

Mind you, he thought as the front door opened and Nikki stepped out into the sunshine, her blonde curly hair shining in the morning sunshine, nobody would be looking at him when he stood next to her. He raised an eyebrow and whistled out of the open window as she locked the door and started down the front path.

'You look incredible,' he grinned as she shimmied into the front seat next to him in a busy floral dress. The bright colours perfectly complimented the lightness of her hair and the light red lipstick she was wearing.

'Well, thanks,' she replied, unable to stop a delighted grin spreading across her face. She pretended it was just banter, but it was more than that. Whenever Jack looked at her like that, he never failed to make her feel special. She couldn't deny that she liked the way it made her feel. 'You don't look so bad yourself.'

Once she was wearing her seatbelt, Jack put his foot on the pedal and began to drive.

'I was up googling Christening etiquette last night, after you just disappeared.'

Nikki smirked. 'Well you're bright, I knew you'd work it out. Did you get a gift?'

'Yes,' Jack glanced behind him at the wrapped box on the back seat. 'When do I ever fail to do what you tell me to, Dr Alexander?'

Nikki looked at the gift. It was well wrapped in pretty pink wrapping paper, with a white bow on top. This man is full of surprises, she thought. She wasn't expecting him to remember to get a present at all, let alone wrap it in less than 24 hours, and make it look that presentable.

'I didn't know you could wrap presents,' she eyed him mischievously, baiting him.

'Well,' he puffed up his chest. 'I'm a man of many talents. Definite donor material.'

She couldn't help but laugh then, tipping her head up to the roof of the car as she roared with laughter. Jack watched her out the corner of his eye, enjoying the sight. He loved to make her smile, and he especially loved to make her laugh.

'I don't know what you're laughing at, it was you who said it!'

'Mmm,' Nikki replied, her eyes lingering on his for longer than was necessary, as though they were opposite magnets and couldn't fight the pull. 'So I did.'

Eventually, Jack's eyes were back on the road. Nikki felt a blush creeping up her neck and turned away to distract herself, watching the leafy scene outside the window.

'So, out of interest... how long do you think we have to stay at this thing before we can sneak away from all the whinging kids and off to the pub across the road?!'

Nikki shot him a look. It was a disapproving one, but he couldn't deny that he enjoyed it.

'Just asking!' He raised his eyebrows and momentarily raised his hands off the steering wheel in mock submission.

It was a beautiful day and they stood outside the church together, enjoying the warm summer breeze. They didn't know anyone else and Jack had been expecting Nikki to leave his side and mingle like she normally did, but to his surprise, he felt her arm link through his instead. The warmth of her made all his hairs stand on end. She looked up at him and smiled, squeezing his arm in the crook of hers. He found his eyes on her lips. What he wouldn't give just to reach down and kiss her.

Trying to distract himself, Jack scanned his eyes over all the guests. There was no sign of Adam yet, nor the little boy he'd brought into the office. Jack couldn't even remember his name now. He realised that he didn't even know what Adam's wife looked like. Before long, the guests began to file into the church. Pulling Nikki with him, Jack followed. He wanted to find a decent place to sit where he wouldn't end up with someone's kid dribbling down his arm.

As they walked together, Nikki admired the internal beauty of the church, allowing her mind to wander. She'd always dreamed of getting married in a church like this. Yet here she was, on the wrong side of 40, walking down the aisle with her arm in her best friend's instead. She'd always thought that she'd marry Matt, their romance had burned so strong to start with. But eventually, just like every relationship she'd ever been in, it had fizzled out. They were still together, in a long distance relationship, but they barely talked anymore.

His visits were becoming more and more sporadic, and she even found herself making excuses - she was too busy at work to book a flight out to America; Jack needed her at the Lyle, what with the loss of Thomas and Clarissa. Yet even now Adam was here, she still felt a pull which just wouldn't let her leave. Deep down, she knew it wasn't right. She hardly even felt sad when she contemplated the possibility that their relationship was over. Yet, she thought as a small shiver made it's way down her spine, she couldn't imagine how she'd survive if Jack was no longer in her life.

'You alright?' He raised an eyebrow, feeling her shiver.

Without any hesitation, she looked up at him and smiled. 'Yes.'

They took seats five rows from the front, allowing space for Adam's family and close friends to sit in front of them. When they sat down and Nikki released his arm, Jack missed the feeling of her body aligned with his.

After the christening

Jack and Nikki stood outside the church in the sunshine, waiting for Adam and his wife to bring their daughter outside. Jack didn't always appreciate other people's children, but when he saw her dressed entirely in pale pink, held gently in Adam's arms, he felt a pang of something deep in his belly. Jealousy? Regret? He clenched his jaw as he thought about all the moments he'd missed with Cara, whether she was his daughter or his niece. First smiles, first steps, little dresses. Moments he'd never experience because he'd not even known that she existed for 17 years.

He forced the thought to the back of his mind. 'Here she is!'

Nikki, Adam and his wife were all smiles, gazing adoringly at the little pink bundle jigging up and down in Adam's arms.

'Hello, you!' Jack instinctively touched her little cheek. She was soft and squishy, like a flump.

'Hello!' Before he knew what he was doing, Jack was doing the cringiest little wave he'd ever done. He couldn't help himself - the little girl brought out someone strange in him, someone he didn't even realise was part of him until then.

Behind him, Nikki watched the exchange, a huge smile on her face. It was unusual that she got to see the softer side to Jack. Some people never got to see that side of him - it was a long time before he let his guard down and revealed it to her. And even now, she didn't get to see it often.

'Thanks for the gift,' Adam took his eyes off his daughter and looked at Nikki.

Jack turned and Nikki felt his eyes staring into her. Ignoring him and suppressing a laugh, she replied, 'Oh I'm so glad you liked it!'

'Why don't you guys step inside to the party? I'm going to put her down for a nap, and I'll come and see you in a sec.'

Certain that Adam would have lots of other guests to speak to as well, Nikki and Jack nodded and said goodbye. Jack couldn't help but steal one last little stroke before they turned and left. Nikki still had a smile plastered across her face and she looked like she was about to burst out laughing. Jack stared at her incredulously, and she couldn't stifle a giggle.

'Oh I'm so glad you liked it!' Jack imitated her as they both grabbed a glass of wine on the way through, which just made her laugh even more. 'You don't even know what it was!'

'What was it?' She giggled, thoroughly enjoying Jack's protest at her getting all the credit for the present.

They walked down the steps together. 'One of those little mobile things that hangs over the cot. Little wooden stars. You'd love it.'

Nikki stopped to stare at him. Clearly, he was very proud of himself. He was wearing a very smug expression and had one hand casually in one pocket, as though it was nothing.

'Hmm. Are you actually good at this?'

'Yeah!' Jack replied, pretending to be modestly offended. He'd taken a long time choosing that gift, and almost as long to wrap it. He'd surprised himself, actually, not that he'd ever admit that to Nikki.

Still smiling, Nikki imagined him prowling the aisles of the baby store, looking for something suitable. He'd surprised her indeed. She thought he'd grab the first thing he saw, but a star mobile - clearly he'd put a lot of thought into it. Maybe he'd spent a while looking, trying to decide which present she'd like the most. Sometimes when she went shopping, she found herself looking in shop windows at baby toys and clothes, in buggies at chubby babies and toddlers. Wondering what might have been. She'd always wanted to be a mum in the future, but now the future was fast approaching and it still hadn't happened. Like she'd said to Jack, she tried not to think about it. It was nice that they were in the same boat.

Suddenly the sound of young laughter ripped between them and a small group of children ran past and scattered, sending Jack's glass flying, the deep red contents splattering across his brand new shirt.

'Whoa!' Jack's mouth fell open, staring down at his stained shirt in disbelief.

Nikki was no help at all, she almost spat a mouthful of champagne over him and then just stared, before pointing.

'Gunshot wound to the chest!'

'Ohhh! That... will never come out.'

The beautiful sight of Nikki laughing meant he didn't really care about the shirt, although he continued to stare at it, his jacket pulled to one side, trying to prolong her amusement, even if it was at his expense.

'Maybe you could chuck it in the hospital laundry,' she chuckled. 'Here, I'll get you another.'

Before he got the chance to say anything she grabbed his glass and walked away, leaving him standing there, his mind suddenly on the case.

At the end of Part 2

Silently, they sat in the front of Nikki's car. They'd both been silent for the entire journey, except for the occasional strangled sob escaping from Nikki's chest. Neither of them knew how long they'd been sat there. It felt like they were stuck in a nightmare, and perhaps if they sat there for long enough, Adam would walk around the corner.

Eventually, Jack unclipped his seatbelt. He stared at his car, solitarily parked at one end of the pub car park, where earlier they'd enjoyed a drink together. Little did they know how the evening would unfold.

'His poor children...' Nikki whispered, her voice scratchy and hoarse from crying.

Jack swallowed the lump in his throat. There was no way he'd cry in front of Nikki... in front of anyone... but the thought of that little girl in her pretty pink dress, growing up without a dad was almost too much to bear.

Jack placed his hand on Nikki's thigh and squeezed it. He looked down at her tear stained face, her cheeks tracked with smudgy mascara.

'I can't believe he's gone,' she croaked, her eyes tightly fixed on Jack's car. She needed something to focus on, otherwise she'd fall apart.

I messed up.

You trusted me, that means a lot.

Adam's last words played over and over in Jack's head. He did trust Adam, in the end. And actually, if Jack really thought about it, they weren't so different. Sure they had completely different backgrounds, Jack knew how it felt not to feel good enough in the eyes of his family, just like Adam. It was just that it manifested in them both in completely different ways.

'Do you think they're at her house now?'

'Mmm?' Jack mumbled in response.

'Telling her that her husband's dead... that their children will never see their dad again...'

Nikki's eyes welled with fresh tears and she coughed them back, sighing shakily. 'They're so young to lose a parent. Too young.'

Jack couldn't bear the thought of that anymore so he thought about something else. He thought about the conversation he'd had with Adam earlier that day, when Adam had told him about Nikki's volunteering and why he'd lied on his CV in the first place.

'Why don't you tell her how you feel?' Adam had asked.

Jack pulled a face. 'Who?'

Adam rolled his eyes. 'Nikki. Who else?'

Jack felt a pang in his stomach, but tried to appear cool. 'What about her?'

Adam said nothing, just shook his head and stared at him for a few moments.

'We're friends. That's all.'

'Oh, don't give me that, Jack. I saw you looking all smug when she said you'd be a good donor. How she was staring at you when you were talking about the scrub machine. You came to the christening together, brought a joint present and spent the whole time talking to each other. I see the way you look at each other all the time.'

Jack shrugged nonchalantly. 'It's just banter. Me and Nikki are just friends. We've been through a lot. It's just how we are.'

Adam stood up. 'You should tell her how you feel. She'll be at the food bank now, why don't you go visit her? You were an arse to her earlier and you should put it right.'

Puffing out his cheeks, Jack let out a long breath. He remembered the disappointed look on Nikki's face when he'd huffed out of the observatory room with a folder of DNA results. Adam was right, he had been an arse.

'Shit. Yeah. I was, wasn't I?'

'Yes. You were. Now go and sort it out.'

And he had, but he still hadn't been entirely honest. Because, in all honesty, he had been lying to her for so long, he didn't know how to tell her the truth. It was just easier to slip into the familiar conversation, the compliments he liked to give her, the heated looks.

Out of the corner of her eye, Nikki noticed that Jack was staring at her. She turned her head, her eyelashes heavy with tears. His hand creeping up to her face, he rested his palm gently on her cheek and used his thumb to gently wipe the tears away. Her big brown eyes stared right into his and for a while, she couldn't look away, nor did she want to. His thumb skimmed her cheek, making butterflies dance in her stomach.

There were so many things Jack wanted to say, but he couldn't.

'See you tomorrow,' he mumbled, then removed his hand from her face and climbed out of the car.

Nikki watched him go, the ghost of his touch still on her skin. She thought about what Adam had said to her just yesterday.

'When you start lying, you have to keep lying.'

One day, she was going to have to tell Jack the truth.