Here's the next chapter. Please excuse any grammar mistakes and enjoy.

Zim yanked at his antennas in frustration. He had confined himself in his base for an entire Earth day—which was only slightly shorter than a day on planet Irk— and did nothing but think, think, think, think. Needless to say, his brain's toil had resulted in zero ideas.

How could he learn about the humans and the weaknesses in their society when he did not understand their language? Observations alone would be insufficient. If only he had stolen a speech convertor before his exile!

A speech convertor was another Irken gadget. Irkens used them to negotiate with the natives inhabiting the planets they invaded. When spoken into, a speech convertor translated messages and repeated it in the language of the user. It had hundreds of thousands of languages programmed into its system. Zim believed he was intelligent enough to make one, but he did not have the needed materials.

He could possibly build a machine able to transfer the knowledge from a human brain to his own. However, that was a dangerous task. If even a bolt was too loose, either one of their brains may explode.

Zim groaned aloud. "This is so frustrating!" he yelled to no one.

At this rate, he would never prove himself to the Tallests and the other Irkens. He would remain a useless exile, and all Service Drones would live as dirt forever.

It was when Zim began banging his head into the wall of his base that the doorbell suddenly rang.

Zim paused his hysterics and quickly ran to his monitor. Homedex's usually included a monitor and cameras in the erection of a base for Irkens to easily survey the area. Zim's cameras were hidden inside the four fake, plastic humans placed in the front of his house. Each fake human had crazy eyes, a red pointed hat, and white hair sprouting from its chin. Zim had noticed some of the other houses had these fake humans, so he inputted them into the design of his home. He had assumed humans used them to ward off trespassers. Clearly they did not work well because, on his monitor, Zim saw that a trespasser was currently at his door.

Its hair was black and piled high atop its head. It was holding something in its hands, but Zim could not discern what even after zooming in. If it was a weapon, he was prepared.

"Hello!" it was yelling. "I came to welcome you to the neighborhood! I made a casserole for you!"

If only Zim could speak human!

The Irken panicked as he watched GIR open the door.

No! That idiot!

Zim could not have humans intruding! What was GIR thinking? Well. . .Zim supposed that idiot android was incapable of reason and thought.

Zim hurried to the living area. When he arrived, the human was handing GIR a translucent container filled with something orange. There was a smell, not bad but apparent, wafting from it.

"Wow, that's a cute costume. I see you're dressed up as a robot."

"I'm GIR," he said excitedly.

"What a unique name!"

"I like food!"

"Don't we all?"

When GIR replied to the human, Zim first thought he was babbling random noises. But then he realized that GIR must have been speaking in the human language because the human before him smiled and nodded as if it understood.

"I'm Mrs. Smith." The earthling looked up noticed Zim watching them. "Oh. Are you his brother? You must be dressed as an alien. How did you make your eyes look like that?"

Without bothering to question what on Irk it was trying to communicate to him, Zim pushed the human outside and slammed the door in its face.

"I see. Stranger, danger. I'll come back when your parents are home. Enjoy the casserole!" It rattled on from the other side, but Zim's attention was focused on GIR.

"GIR, do you understand the human language?" asked Zim hopefully.

"Hmmm. . ." The robot titled its head in serious consideration. "There are over 6,000 languages currently spoken on Earth. I have been programmed to know eight of them, so yes?"

Six thousand? That was outrageous to Zim. Irkens only spoke one language on Irk for the sake of convenience.

"What language do the humans speak here?"

"Um. . ." It was several irkinutes before GIR finally answered. "England!"

"England!" Strange name for a language. "Are you certain?"

"Yep! That's what it's called!"

"GIR, follow me."

After throwing on their disguises, Zim led his robotic assistant—who was proving to be somewhat useful— outside. "GIR, I need you to act as a translator."

"I'm not that good of an actor."

Zim slapped his forehead. "No! I want to ask the humans a question, but since I do not know this England language, you need to translate what I say. Can you do that?"

GIR saluted Zim. "Yes, sir."

Having no other choice but to depend on GIR, Zim approached a human and tapped its arm until it noticed him. This one's hair was red, grey, and grew from its jaw rather than its head. Its looks were similar to the fake humans Zim had.

It spoke, frowning. "What do want, kid? I don't have time to play."

Zim turned to GIR. "Now say, 'Hello. As a fellow human, I would like to learn more about our species. Would you know where I could find information?'"

GIR nodded happily and translated Zim's words. Once the human responded, it walked away.

"What did it say?"

"He gave directions."

He? Zim thought. So that human was a male? Can GIR actually tell?

"I'll take you," smiled GIR.

Zim reluctantly agreed to follow his lead.

The robot guided him to a pink building. Alike the building Zim had found their disguises at, it had a transparent wall. Zim realized many of the buildings on Earth had those sorts of walls. Inside, humans were scooping a creamy-looking substance into a hollow cone. The substance came in several colors, including pink, green, white, brown, etc. Zim recalled something similar on the planet Foodcourtia.

"GIR, what is this?"

Zim turned and saw that GIR had disappeared from his side. He soon after caught the robot ambling out of the building, having apparently slipped in unnoticed. GIR was carrying one of the creamy, cone concoctions Zim had watched the humans produce. He licked at it with his mechanical tongue.

"GIR," Zim growled. "Are you certain this is where that human directed you to?"

"No."

In that moment, Zim evoked the maximum willpower necessary to not detach GIR's head from his body.

"GIR, go ask that human where to find information about their society!" Zim ordered, pointing at a skinny human wearing a shirt not much different from GIR's. Its shirt was also cinched in at the waist and loosely fell to its feet. "And be sure you receive accurate directions this time!"

"Yes, sir!" he giggled, shoving the remainder of his treat in his mouth.

"You do not even need to eat, GIR!"

"It still tastes good!"

Though it was not mandatory for androids to eat in order to survive, they were designed to share the same senses as an Irk. That did not exclude taste. These applications served to represent the Irken's advanced technology to their rivals.

GIR continued ushering Zim to buildings of which had nothing useful to offer aside from snacks. One served meat cylinders in soft, edible wraps. Another provided crispy, yellow sticks in striped red and white boxes. A third made round treats dented with squares and covered in gooey, brown slime. At the fifth stop, Zim lost his patience.

"GIR," he said, blinking quickly to maintain a calm tone of voice. "You told me you could understand human languages."

He ate at a red sponge with some kind of sticky white topping. "I can."

Zim could have blinked at the speed of light, and it still would not have been enough to suppress his anger. "Then. . .WHY!" he shouted.

"Whatcha mean?"

"YOU HAVE ME FOLLOWING YOU EVERYWHERE! AND NO PLACE YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME TO HAS ANY INFORMATION ON HUMANS OTHER THAN WHAT THEY EAT!" Bystanders had begun staring at Zim, but he did not care. They could stare until they were satisfied.

"Sorry. My language program malfunctions a lot." The robot's smile was unwavering despite the situation, and it aggravated Zim even more.

"GIVE ME ONE REASON WHY I SHOULD REFRAIN FROM DECONSTRUCTING YOU AND USING YOU FOR SPARE PARTS!"

"Um. . .because I can dance!" GIR proceeded to tap his feet and swing his arms, whooping in unwarranted enthusiasm.

Zim allowed his irritation to dissipate as he became curious about GIR's behavior. Ordinary Retrieval Units were extremely obedient and competent. GIR was neither. Furthermore, androids built on Irk were called SIRs (Standard-Issue Retrieval Unit). Why was there a G in place of an S in GIR's name? Zim had wondered this before but had been too distracted by his exile to ask. "GIR, what does the G in your name stand for?"

GIR stopped his dancing to ponder Zim's question. Because, of course, dancing and thinking was too much for the android to handle at once. "They said. . .something like . . .garbage."

Zim nodded slowly. "Appropriate." He was beginning to see the Tallests' intentions in giving him GIR. "We are leaving, GIR! Come!"

To Zim's annoyance, GIR continued his dance until they arrived at the base.

Now, what?

Relying on GIR had been a waste of time. What was Plan B?

That was his problem. He did not have a Plan B!

Zim slumped to floor in discouragement. Somehow, he would have to conquer Earth. How, though? How? It was impossible. His weapons could not defeat an entire race, and he had no idea where to find the equipment to build more.

Would he come across the equipment if he scoured the planet? Did Earth even have the necessary materials?

Zim could try to fix GIR's language program, but even if he managed that, the robot was not reliable. Besides, the construction of a Retrieval Unit was overly complicated. He doubted he had the skills to figure out GIR's mechanics.

Zim was snapped from his thoughts at the sound of loud yelling. When he saw nothing on the monitor, he dashed to the living area. "Are we being attacked?!"

Zim scanned the room, but there were no humans. Instead GIR was sitting on the couch, watching a monitor slightly different to the one in Zim's base underground. Zim was confused. Last he checked, he only had one monitor. "GIR, where did that come from?"

"I found it."

Unknown to them, someone was looking from their broken window to the empty space where their television used to be. Their only clue was a blond wig left near the smashed glass.

"Wait. You left?!" shouted Zim. "When?!"

"Don't know."

Zim sighed. He did not have the energy to conduct an interrogation.

He moved to return to his base but hesitated.

He looked back at the monitor. It was intriguing. On the screen, two humans were glaring at each other and yelling something in their language. Zim realized the sound that had startled him had come from them. The camera quality and audio on the monitor were fairly decent. Based on the back-and-forth camera angles, Zim inferred it was playing videos that had been previously edited. It reminded Zim of the instructional videos Irkens watched to learn about their roles. It did not seem that the videos on this monitor were explaining laws and responsibilities, though. Rather, the humans were acting out emotional scenes.

Deciding he was in need of a short break anyway, Zim plopped down on the cushion next to GIR.

As the humans on the monitor spoke, Zim wondered if he could learn their language through listening carefully and paying close attention to the plot. That would have been an extremely arduous process, but a better option was not available to him.

The video showed a human grabbing something from a shelf. Zim quickly recognized the item. It was a book.

Books were scarce on Irk since information was typically recorded with Irken technology. Did humans save facts about their biology, society, and language in books? Where would they store books? The Irkens had a small library, though it was not accessible to Service Drones such as him. Did the humans have a library as well? If they did, that was where Zim could find information. He would not be able to read it, but perhaps one of their books could teach him.

"GIR, stay here. Do. Not. Move," he said firmly. "And no opening the door for strangers."

"Okay."

Zim changed into his human attire and went in search of library.

Seconds after he left, GIR heard a knock at the door. He immediately paused the movie to open it.

"Hi, GIR! It's so nice to see you again! I see you're still dressed up. Are your parents home this time?"

Zim had some success. Of the thirty-two buildings he inspected, he found a small number of books inside seven. He was not convinced these seven buildings were libraries, however. Though they did have books, each contained a greater supply of other products such as food, clothes, and furniture.

Zim acknowledged that the libraries as he knew them may not exist on Earth, but he pressed on in case they did.

Eventually, he spotted something useful. A human, seated on long chair made from wooden planks, was reading a book.

"Where can I find that?" he asked the human.

The human gaped at Zim strangely.

Zim gestured to the book. "Where can I find these?"

The human said something indiscernible before pointing to a large building. At first, Zim assumed the human had misunderstood because the libraries on Irk were extremely small. Then Zim remembered this was not Irk. This was Earth.

He rushed inside the building and was met with the exciting sight of books! Thousands of books! Everywhere! Resting on tall shelves along walls and lined up to create hallways within the room.

"Excuse me," Zim said to a human skimming the shelves, "Where can I find a book about language?" He spoke slowly and enunciated each syllable in hopes the human would by some means understand him.

"The kiddie books are over there if that's what you want." It waved its hand halfheartedly to sets of shorter shelves.

There Zim discovered colorful books. Most had thick, unbendable pages embellished with strange drawings. After spending many irkours examining the covers and contents of the books, Zim found several that seemed to explain the England alphabet and a few others that he believed would help him learn the humans' language.

As he left carrying a pile of twelve books in his arms, a human tried to stop him. That was no surprise. Zim was not permitted the privilege of borrowing books on Irk either. However, with a single blast from his Short-Term Retrograde Shooter, it was no longer a problem.

After studying the books for two earth days, Zim had made little progress.

He had learned the twenty-six letters of the alphabet and a few words including "apple," "baby," and "cat," though he was not entirely sure what those things were. According to the pictures, it seemed an "apple" was a food, a "baby" was a young human, and a "cat" was a furry animal that dwelled on Earth.

Zim slammed a book shut and threw it against the wall.

His efforts were useless!

What was the point?

Even if he learned to read, these Earth books could not teach him how to pronounce the words. How would he communicate with humans and deceive them? How would he understand humans when they addressed him? Would he have to write down what he wanted to say?

Zim's sulking was interrupted by an evil sound, a sound so heinous it could make an Irken's ears bleed.

"GIR, stop singing! I am trying to concentrate!"

GIR was singing along with human monitor, which Zim suspected was a "TV." That seemed to be what the book taught. The monitor's appearance matched with the picture on the page.

It was not long before Zim realized he could only stop GIR's terrible singing by removing his voice box. As that would have been, he tried to ignore the android instead. Zim missed the quiet of his base. He had chosen to study in the living area because he did not trust that GIR could refrain from opening the door for another human. Zim had attempted to literally drag GIR to the base, but GIR would not relent. He wanted to watch the TV in the living area. Zim eventually gave in to his tantrum.

He did his best to focus on learning this strange language, but GIR was persistent in his singing.

When his mentality became too unstable, Zim stood from his place on the floor to destroy the TV. What he actually wanted to destroy was GIR, but as a Retrieval Unit, GIR was dangerous. Zim was not sure he could win that fight, no matter how stupid the android was.

Zim quickly seized his acid blaster from his base and returned to living area. He aimed the weapon at the screen, but before he shot at it, Zim noticed letters of the human alphabet flashing across the screen.

E. . .F. . .G. . .followed by H.

When Zim listened closely to the lyrics, he discovered the song was about the alphabet. It was explaining the pronunciation of each letter. It was doing what these books could not.

"GIR," Zim said, "How do you always manage to help without meaning to?"

One Earth month passed since Zim first arrived. After he learned the humans' language, Zim constantly borrowed books from the library and studied them. As a result, he finally gathered a decent comprehension of human society and learned many things.

To start, the language here was English, not England. England was a country. Countries were bordered regions on Earth where the language, culture, and government varied from one another. The country Zim had landed in was the United States of America.

The strange creatures that greeted him when he initially exited the spaceship were trees, and though they were alive, they were not conscious. Trees were apparently a form of vegetation and plant life.

Female humans typically had longer hair and softer features. Males were known to lose hair as they aged, but to compensate, they also grew it from their face, back, and chest.

Humans were born from females. They were unable to speak and walk while babies but developed these skills later on.

Similar to Irkens, humans became frail and suffered from the weakening of their sight, hearing, and memory while they aged.

Unlike Irkens, humans required sleep to function properly and preserve their sanity.

Of greater interest to Zim was that few humans viewed themselves as being born intelligent. Most became intelligent. Humans increased their intellect by attending these institutions called "schools" where they were taught about their biology, history, and more. Because of schools, earthlings could pursue any profession they desired.

If humans attend school, I should as well, Zim decided.

He needed to learn all that he could about humans, and by interacting with them, he could identify their weaknesses. Perhaps his intelligence would be recognized and he could rise to a high position of power in the world.

"GIR, we are enrolling into school!" Zim announced. He turned around and saw GIR rolling around on the floor. "Correction. I am enrolling into school. You stay here and guard the base."

GIR cheered. "Yippeeeee!"

I hope you liked this chapter.