A/N. So, two things! This chapter may be all over the places with Katara's thoughts. But I try to show each's state of mind in the chapters. If they are calm, collected, so will be the chapter. Nervous, overthinking some things? Well, then the chapter will also be like that lol.
Second! I talk about some cultural things halfway. Those are real Inuit and Buddhist beliefs. I changed some name or ideas. But it is generally from those cultures. So sorry if there is some misinterpretation.
I don't own Avatar the Last Airbender.
Katara watched the airbender walk away from the snoring pair, and saw how his shoulder strained, how the young man looked like the world was on his shoulders. In a way, it was. The waterbender decided to give him some space and took several blankets from the pile on Appa's saddle. Pulling them around her, she lay down, but even though she was exhausted, sleep didn't come. After twisting and turning for several minutes, Katara decided that she had to do something before she could sleep.
She crawled back to the luggage and managed to find a little lantern. Lighting it quickly, and quietly, she sat down on the edge of the saddle, pulling the scroll from her bag. Looking at it, she saw that there were just several sentences before the end. Well, it would give her something to do.
The part she was reading was treating on how Air Nomads dealt with anxiety.
Most people think that we, the Air Nomads, are as free and careless as the wind. This is true, to a certain extent. We don't try to dwell on things, and our philosophy is turned to enlightenment of body and soul. Still, we are capable of forgetting those commitments, and shutting ourselves off from the people who love us. This is where Nomads are similar to other people.
Looking into the darkness where Aang had gone, Katara couldn't help but feel that Aang had done exactly that the last few days. Since leaving Gaoling, he had been bound to his more serious part. At first, she had written it off to the lack of sleep. But maybe… It went deeper.
Standing up, she pulled a blanket with her, while holding the scroll in the other hand. Wadding through the darkness, the waterbender saw the pale shimmer at the ledge that was Aang.
"Hey… care to share?" She asked quietly, holding the blanket up. The airbender turned around, and Katara was surprised by the look in his eyes.
She had expected to see exhaustion, but she only saw those kind eyes looking calmly at her. Maybe she had been wrong about his state of mind.
"You know I can keep myself warm." He smiled while saying that.
"And you know sharing a blanket isn't always about warmth." She answered, also smiling. Aang moved a bit to the side, creating a space for her to take a seat.
Sitting down, Katara draped the blanket around her shoulders, and then, with her right hand, pulled it over the shoulders of the airbender. She realized they hadn't been this close together since… since the Cave.
The waterbender felt Aang shuffle closer to her, and the warmth radiating from him was more than enough incentive to do just the same. Their shoulders were flushed against each other, and their legs were touching.
"Couldn't sleep?" He murmured and Katara could feel the air against her face.
"No… Too much happened these last few days. I think I need a minute before being able to sleep." She answered, and Katara was acutely aware of how close the airbender actually was. It made her stomach turn. Not in a bad way.
"Ha! I know what you mean! Who could have guessed we would be chased around by three girls in a tank and Prince Zuzu?" Aang chuckled. Raising her eyebrow at the last words, she spoke.
"Prince Zuzu?"
"Oh, yes! Azula called her brother that. I loved that part!" The airbender pushed her gently against the shoulder, and she couldn't help it, but before too long, she joined him in his laughter.
"Prince Zuzu needs to restore his honour by capturing the Avatar." Aang continued.
It was good to hear him laugh again. Many people considered the airbender to be this go with the flow, happy person without a care. Her brother did at least. But often, when Sokka was sleeping, and she was still reading or working on something, she would see the brooding look on the boy's face, looking into the darkness. Sometimes, they would talk about it, like in that cave during the storm some months ago. But more times than not, Katara would not try. She knew that look. It had been over her father's face, every day since the death of her mother.
They sat in comfortable silence for a while after the laughter had died down. Katara felt Aang stir from time to time, and, looking at his hands, she saw them twitch, as if he was hesitating to do something with them.
"Have you had time to finish the scroll?" He asked her suddenly. Looking up, the waterbender saw a curious look in his eyes. Uncertain.
"Yes… I-I have some questions… Your people's beliefs… are a bit foreign to me. I-I've seen some notes… Would you like to translate them?" That was a good start.
"Of course, let me see."
Aang took the scroll, unfurled it, and began to read. She heard him mutter some words, in the language she didn't understand. After a few minutes, Aang looked up, with mirth in his grey eyes.
"I took these scrolls from Gyatso's personal library. He was always encouraging me to read more, and I had open access to it. Ah, the old rogue… it was him who wrote these notes. Giving me… pointers." The airbender laughed aloud, but Katara had seen the furtive look towards her.
"What does it say?" the waterbender saw the pale cheeks of the airbender turn a bit pink.
"Well… Here." He pointed to several sentences of notes, written just next to the official text. "He says I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself." Aang explained, but she thought he wasn't saying everything.
"With the whole one-person deal?" With the airbender, she had to be direct sometimes.
"O-oh! Yes, you know that, of course… Well, in part yes." The airbender said quietly, as if he was dreading this part. Looking up to the paper, Katara felt a blush appear on her face. Well… That was the part that had interested her. The thing about the one love. "Here, he writes to yes, love just one person. But that I should not see it as a limit. That I could… explore…" Aang cheeks turned from pink to red.
"But the text says that your people only had one love…" She didn't understand. The text was clear about that. One person.
"Love, Katara. Only one person to love. They would love just one person. Or at least, love in a romantic way. We could love many people, friends, family… Only… Well… A romantic partner… that was just one person. That's why we were known to have commitment issues. Because we didn't give our hearts lightly." Aang spoke, turning his head towards her face.
Her heart stopped, seeing his eyes. She wasn't well versed in this department, but one thing was clear. His eyes were drinking her in, as if she was an oasis in a desert. That look, she had seen just once before from the airbender. And that was just after they had kissed in that cave. It was quite clear what he was saying, even if he hadn't spoken up.
"And… W-what do you think of it?" Spirits, this was it. She could hear her own heart thump painfully against her ribs. Aang didn't take his eyes off her and spoke with certainty she wasn't used to from the airbender when the subject of the discussion was uncomfortable.
"I fully agree with that sentiment. I would look all over the world for that one person. It may take years, or even decades. Gyatso says here that love and having a relationship are not always the same thing. But never would I be in a relationship without loving that person, completely, utterly. It may take years… or even a century." Only at that last part did his voice falter, and did he sound unsure.
Wait. A century? He had just said he would wait a century. That was very specific. Too specific in his case… She was acutely aware of his body, against hers. Or was hers against his? She didn't even know.
What about her own feelings? Each time she looked at the airbender, Katara could feel her heart swell, and a new sensation of want had been there for several weeks… Only after that kiss in the darkness did her feelings change into something much greater… And that terrified her. Was this what love was supposed to feel like? Aang had talked about the difference between love for family or friends, and love for that one person. Did it feel so different?
She swallowed the lump in her throat and spoke.
"So, no relationship for you without loving that person?"
Aang's eyes rested up her face, and she couldn't help but examine the emotions in his orbs. A kind of sadness. But also, an emotion she couldn't quite place.
"No." He answered, turning his face towards the sky, where stars lit the world.
No. He wouldn't turn away from the ideas of his people, even if those beliefs were the idealized version of the reality. Between what Gyatso had written, and her own experiences in life, Katara was fairly certain not every Air Nomad would have kept those principals. But not Aang. He would not turn his back to those kinds of ideals.
The airbender lay down on his back, still looking at the sky. The blanket slip from his shoulder, to form a layer of cloth over his stomach.
"What do the water tribes think the stars are?" He asked suddenly. Katara realized he wanted a stop to their previous conversation. Yeah… That would be better perhaps… for the moment.
"My grandmother told us that the stars are living, breathing things. That one" she also lay on her back, pulling the blanket over them in a more orderly fashion while she pointed to the brightest star, "is Vanauq. The sister to the moon."
Aang looked at the sky, and for some reason, he was smiling.
"And there, just beneath that cloud. Those is The Three Brothers." She continued, "They lost their fourth brother to a polar bear-dog. They chase her still, each night, through the sky."
It was strange, to explain those things in a setting so unlike the South Pole. Normally, those stories were told around a fire, in the little village, while the tundra howled with a snowstorm.
"The three stars just there?" He lifted his arm and pointed. It created a space between them, and Katara, without even thinking about it, filled that space.
"Yes." His arm dropped, laying over his chest.
"My people thought those three were the good deeds of Yangchen. Each star represents a good deed from someone. The brightest were the most selfless acts." The airbender spoke quietly.
That was a beautiful thought. Each star honouring someone. But for her, the brothers and Vanauq seemed more plausible. She had never seen new stars appear. So, no good deeds were being done in this time, which actually did not seem so far-fetched.
"Do you think you'll have a star one day?" Katara didn't know why she asked that, but she saw the happy look in his eyes falter, before returning, in a forced manner.
"Nah, no stars for this airbender."
"Well, I think there are several. I can already name two without even searching for others." She answered. The waterbender had realized, too late, that Aang considered himself selfish for having abandoned the Temple. She hoped to make up for that memory by the following words.
"Giving yourself up for a village you didn't even know. Selfless. Fighting Zuko to retrieve my necklace? Selfless."
At that, the airbender chuckled.
"One of those wasn't selfless Katara. I got a kiss out of it, didn't I?" Aang smiled, still looking at the sky.
Ah… That was true. And she knew, from… more recent experiences, that he didn't mind at all. Being kissed.
"Well, you did a good deed, nonetheless."
The silence returned after that. Katara could feel Aang's ribcage against her shoulder. Thinking back at the conversation they had before talking about the stars, the waterbender thought it over.
Yes, she was a bit disappointed that no exceptions would be made. Aang would only love one person. A small part of her hoped, and thought, she could be that person. But she tried to let her head rule her heart here. Even if the feelings she had for the airbender were love… Who could say what would happen in a year? If they were still alive… She couldn't try anything, without being sure of her own feelings.
"Katara…" The airbender spoke. But then, silence returned.
"Yes?"
"Do you think me foolish for clinging on to those beliefs? About love I mean?" the waterbender heard the hesitation, and shyness, in the young man's voice.
"No Aang. I think it is rather wonderful. To be that committed to someone. But I don't know if…" if I'm ready to give that kind promise, not now at least. "I don't know if you can expect the other person to think along the same lines."
"Yeah… I would never. That is the point of our views on this. One person can think differently from the other. It doesn't mean one is right and the other is wrong."
"So… If you knew who that person was… And that person may need more time… You wouldn't mind?" She asked. This was the tricky part. Katara believed they both knew this wasn't purely theoretical.
"No. Even… if I knew who it was. Then I would prefer that she was certain." She heard that slip up. Aang had said Air Nomads loved men and women, no discrimination. But he had said she. The airbender had, maybe, given a piece of information without wanting to.
"So… You would give that person time. To figure it out?" It sounded strange. In the water tribes… Well, there, if a man asked your hand in marriage. You were expected to give an answer straight away. And to keep it, even if it was the wrong choice.
"I would wait as long as necessary. But I wan… would also want some time. To figure out my feelings, if necessary, of course."
He had misspoken. Again. Katara thought he wanted to say I want some time to figure out my feelings. Present. Not past or future. Present.
"Well… That would be the most important… That both people had time to figure it out."
Aang nodded, and fell silent. The waterbender felt the aches in her shoulders, in her legs, her arms. Exhaustion was finally catching up on her.
They lay there, in silence, until Katara felt the breathing of the airbender change. He had fallen asleep. And she couldn't leave him there without at least a blanket, no? So… She stayed.
Her own thoughts became slower, and the waterbender could feel herself slip into sleep. But before darkness overpowered her, she had one thought.
We are on the same page. Figuring it out. This was a promise. A promise to figure it out… Together
Answers :
Gabriela N. Gonzalez : Yeah, Iroh taking that hit is always gut retching. But I like how he then directly tells Zuko No, she needs to go down. I hope you liked the discussion in this chapter!
Jjsmith103 : Exactly! I just hate writing set up chapters, because they feel like that boring part before the interesting thing! But glad you liked it!
Ashley Barbosa : Yeah, that was really the important thing, for later chapters… Indeed! I like to include things into the series story line! And here is the kataang discussion!